prismaticbleed: (Default)
 

LAST UPDATED:
021822

------‐-----------------------------------------------------------------------

(only include Nousfoni I have ACTIVELY seen alive AND/OR interacted with, after the "system failure" of 2018?)

⭐The REASON why the innerworld kept collapsing is because ANYTHING NOT BUILT ON CHRIST WILL INEVITABLY BE DESTROYED, often by itself!!!
So if something is gone, GOOD RIDDANCE! Let it go!!

"REALMS" rename?
RELICS per color, mysteries of the Rosary, sacramentals, etc.?
PALM, OLIVE, CEDAR, CYPRESS

Colors CORRESPOND TO CHRIST & HIS CHURCH!!!
⭐SOLID DISTINCTION between LIGHT & PIGMENT! BUT there CAN be pigmented nousfoni OF Spectral hues?? Like the Retributors who are still RED?

FRUITS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT???

TYPE THROUGH YOUR ANGER ISSUES KIDDO.
FIND THE ROOTS SO WE CAN TRANSMUTE THE PLANTS!!

⭐https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/2123163/jewish/The-Beast-Within.htm

------‐------------------------------------------------------------------------


RED (LIGHT)
PRECIOUS BLOOD
THERE IS A CONVENT!!!

ASSOCIATIONS:
Blood

SCENTS:
Cinnamon, blood

REALM:
Currently a neon-lit night city; empty and on the outskirts-- allegedly the center is a collapeed ruin? Nier vibes there. General retrowave punky vibes. Sky is a red grid over black.

MEMBERS:
• SCALPEL
• RAZOR
• BATTA

VERMILION (PIGMENT)
THE SCOURGING???

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:
Hearth & home, hearty laughter, fireplaces

SCENTS:
Spiced rum, autumn leaves,

REALM:


MEMBERS:
• ALGORITH
• PHLEGMONI
• "MANTIS"

ORANGE (LIGHT)
???

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:
Going out with friends, sunny laughter,

SCENTS:
Oranges,

REALM:


MEMBERS:
• LYNNE???

AMBER (PIGMENT)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:
Confident amicability,

SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• GENESIS

YELLOW (LIGHT)
The Resurrection???

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:
Laughing children, playfulness,

SCENTS:
Lemons, pineapple,
Daffodils? Daisies?

REALM:


MEMBERS:
• .

LIME (PIGMENT)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:


SCENTS:
Limes, fresh cut grass, fields in summer

REALM:


MEMBERS:
• CELEBI


GREEN (LIGHT)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:
Forests

VIBE:
Calmness,

SCENTS:
Forests

REALM:


MEMBERS:
• .

AQUA (PIGMENT)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:
Reflectiveness with a touch of sorrow,

SCENTS:
Sea water

REALM:


MEMBERS:
• CHAOS ZERO

CYAN (HIDDEN)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:


SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• .

BLUE (LIGHT)
MARY!!!!

ASSOCIATIONS:
Computers,

VIBE:


SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• .

SAPPHIRE (PIGMENT)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:


SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• .

INDIGO (LIGHT)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:
Snow, churches,

VIBE:
Solemn introspection,

SCENTS:
Incense

REALM:
Prague at dawn? Snowy, overcast, but bright. Old architecture.

MEMBERS:
• Leon

VIOLET (LIGHT)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:
Holy purposefulness?

SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• Laurie?

PURPLE (PIGMENT)
THE PURPLE CLOAK
LENT

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:


SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• .

PINK (HIDDEN)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:
Floral sweetness, roses,


VIBE:


SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• JULIE
• KNIFE

CERISE (PIGMENT)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:
Sensuality,

VIBE:


SCENTS:
Raspberries, 'sugared' tones,

REALM:


MEMBERS:
• .

BROWN (HIDDEN)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:


SCENTS:
Wood, coffee, dirt,

REALM:


MEMBERS:
• SPICE

BLACK (HIDDEN)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:
Gravity,

SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• INFINITII
• SHARONA

GRAY (HIDDEN)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:
Business, formality

SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• .

WHITE (HIDDEN)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:
Prisms,

VIBE:


SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• .


GOLD (METALLIC)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:


SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• SHIRLEY

SILVER (METALLIC)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:


VIBE:
Cool yet kind,

SCENTS:


REALM:


MEMBERS:
• SIRIUS

COPPER (METALLIC)
...

ASSOCIATIONS:
Pennies,

VIBE:


SCENTS:
Copper,

REALM:


MEMBERS:
• PENNY





https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Improvised_weapon#Examples

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lists_of_weapons

https://www.kageninjagear.com/ninja-weapon-cat-hands/





------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

COREGROUP SPECTRUM???

BECAUSE IT REALLY SHOULD ADHERE TO THAT!!!

⭐DOUBLES ON COLORS RELATING TO SPECIES???


RED =

VERMILION = PHLEGMONI

ORANGE =

AMBER = GENESIS

YELLOW =

LIME = CELEBI

GREEN = JENA???

AQUA = CHAOS ZERO

CYAN = DORI???

BLUE = RYOU?

INDIGO = MARKUS?

VIOLET = LAURIE

PURPLE = TOSHI???

PINK =

CERISE = VENTRIUM???

GRAY = GLEAM???

BLACK = INFI??

WHITE = JESUS (PRISM)

BROWN = 
prismaticbleed: (Default)


DATES THAT PEOPLE FIRST EVIDENCED ON

 

1995-1999

JULIE= unknown date, approximately 1997

JEZEBEL= 1997, unknown date

 

2000

JEWEL LIGHTRAYE= spring 2000

 

2001

CEL= March 2001

 

2003

RYMAN= January 2003? or late 2002

WALDORF= March 3rd 2003

MARKUS= May 2003?

HOSEKI= May 21st 2003?

CHAOS= December 2003?

 

2004

"THIRD JEWEL"= March 2004?

 

2005

GENESIS= July 4th 2005 (Leo)

 

2006

SPINNINGCANNON?

JENNIFER= August 2006?

LAURIE= September 4th 2006

 

2007

NATHANIEL= unknown date 2007

JEMMA= unknown date 2007

 

2008 (first major headspace year)

LYNNE= February 8th 2008?

CANNON= May 15th 2008??

RAZOR= October 19th? 2008

 

2009

SECOND "CEL"

SPINZOR= August 2009?

GLISSANDO= September 2009

 

2010

LEON= April 18th 2010

THE BEAR= June 2nd 2010

SPINE= July 26th 2010

PINSTRIPE= August 5th 2010

JOSEPHINA= August 13th 2010

 

2011

XENOPHON= March 13th 2011

EROS= December 9th 2011

 

2012

AIRPORT= August 15th 2012

EMMETT= October 25th? 2012

 

2013 (the year the Underground opened up)

KYANOS= February 26th 2013

INFINITII= April 3rd 2013

GENT= April 19 2013?

MAVERICK= April 19 2013?

QUEEN=April 19 2013?

DAVID= April 23 2013

MARIGOLD= April 23 2013

MULBERRY= May 1st 2013

MINTY= May 30th 2013

CHRISTINA MARIE= June 2013?

JEREMIAH= June 6th 2013

KNIFE= June 12th 2013

OVERLOAD= June 12th 2013

HYAKINTH= June 14th 2013

JAVIER= July 1st 2013

ZWEI= July 15th 2013?

EINSATZ= July 15th 2013

SUGAR= July 22nd 2013

SERGEI= July 23rd 2013

DREAD= July 25th 2013

ALGORITH= July 31st 2013

SPICE= September 18th 2013

JAY= October 21st 2013?

AIMEE= October 29th 2013

AMARA= October 29th 2013

KALISHA= November 17th 2013

ISADORA= November 17th 2013

GARRISON= November 17th 2013

DREAD= December 10th 2013?

SHERLOCK= found his name in 2013

THE SCIENTIST

SHARONA

ANNA

HATCHET?

 

2014

KARISSA= January 25th 2014

THE DESTROYER= January 25 2014

ASHEN= January 25th 2014

NIENNA= March 2014?

TOBIKO= March 2nd 2014

WRECKAGE= March 4th 2014

JABBERWOCK= May 29th 2014

CHOCOLOCO= September 12th 2014

TIGERLILY= December 27th 2014???

 

2015

so far this year it's just been re-finding older people.

 

"BAT EARS"=

MOXIE=

 

2016

(hard reset)

 

2017

HARMONIA= May??

ISCAH=

SPIKE=

KITTY=

CRIER=

CAKE=

AXIS=




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

AUGUST 2013 WAS THE "DEAD MONTH"

julie/ sergei/ infinitii infant genocide shutdown.

jewel and the ap fronted for almost that entire month; NO MEMORY

 

august 6th, rescue with infi, glasses, chthonic magma zone.

august 28th was ecclesioumon

 

by september 1st, the underground was HUGELY PREVALENT, actually becoming in control of the entire system temporarily.

this was when knife ran the show, started trying to organize everyone in all the other levels.

very very very important for long term growth actually, thank him

 

however the first two weeks of december were fronted by someone who kept actively trying to deny headspace.

"the past isn't relevant" and "I want to abandon all this at once" were the main mindsets.

 

september 11th was the punchcard dream

september 12th, "j" said that headspace was not gone, BUT that "most of us were dead or gone". we also got our diagnosis.

ALSO said "I no longer have a solid identity so it's near impossible for me to enter headspace"

 

SPICE'S AUDIO RECORDINGS WERE ON SEPTEMBER 18TH.

at that time, no one knew who the core was, most of us were still dead.

 

SEPTEMBER 21ST WAS WHEN I SAVED INFI FROM THE TAR SPIDER.

I DO NOT directly remember it though, just very blurry awareness that I was there.

thus started the madeleine l'engle period!

 

sept 23rd was woodsmoke, sept 24th was knife in the mall. that was also the proginoskes time period. NO PERSONAL MEMORY.

sept 25 was a JULIE HACK, retributors smudging the entire room.

sept 28th was INFI AND LAURIE in lou's house.

 

OCTOBER 2ND: "THE CURRENT J DOESN'T KNOW CHAOS. NONE OF US DO"

OCTOBER 4TH: "I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO JAY; I THINK HE'S LONG GONE"

october 5th was the caliborn baby dream. I remember that?

october 7th was the desk cellar fear?

 

october 8th was mesita's album, AND sergei and hyakin calling me to diamew! FIRST TOTALLY CONCRETE MEMORY DAY!!

also important, I remember the ENDING of "many waters," standing by the stove, BUT NOT THE PREVIOUS TWO BOOKS!!

 

october 21st was the apples AND the yogurt shop.

I WAS DEFINITELY, TOTALLY ALIVE BY THIS POINT.

 

BIRTHDAYS SHOULD BE ON SIGNIFICANT DATES, NOT ARBITRARY ONES. FIND YOURS.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Spine Hypomone= "steadfast endurance"

Javier Anastasi = "resurrection"

Algorith=

Lynne Stabelle= "stability"

Josephina Bellameire= "beautiful/ one who shines"

Cel???

Nathaniel Victoire= "victory, conqueror"

???=

Harmonia=

Chaos Zefirum= "zero"

Waldorf Kalliope= "muse of epic poetry"

Leon Kiasi= "fear of death"

Laurie Uberich= "above self/ ultimate self"

Julie Enantios= "opposite"

Eros=

Jay Iridos= "iridescent/ two"

Infinitii Eternos= "eternity"

Sherlock Episteme= "to know"

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Jewel= May 7th 1990 (Taurus)

***2009 WAS NOT ME!!! (as far as Gens go, that was Gamboge)

JAYCE: 02-22-10 WAS WHEN I FIRST STARTED USING MALE PRONOUNS.

April 4th 2010= art of my Gen (ON 08-3-2009, I WAS ALREADY A WHITE GEN???)

STILL NAMED "JEWEL" IN MAY 2010 THOUGH.

July 2nd 2010= "seventy four" // july 10th= razia

BY AUGUST I WAS USING INFLUTUSA (AUG. 5 NAME LOCKED IN)

REDLIGHT: December 9th, 2011 (Sagittarius)

EROS: January 4th 2012 (Capricorn)

 

memory picks up around SEPT-OCT 2013??

RESET ATTEMPT? December 5th 2013 (Sagittarius)

 

Infinitii= April 3rd 2013 (Aries)

DIED/KILLED on following dates:
May 28th (kidnapped, brought underground)

August 1st? ('parasite' threat)

 

Javier= July 1 2013 (still manifesting) (Cancer)

July 28th 2013 (named) (Leo)

December 27th 2013 (resurrected) (Capricorn)

 

Spine= November 26th 2008 (Sagittarius)

FOUND around July 26th 2010 (Leo)

STABILIZED on January 16th, 2011 (Capricorn)

 

Lynne = February 9th 2008? (Aquarius)

First mentioned on February 26th 2008.

THE CONCERT WAS ON APRIL 20TH 2008 (3PM)

"Died" temporarily on April 24th 2008.

RESURRECTED: December 1st 2008?? (Sagittarius)

 

Josephina= July 26th 2010 (Leo)

(met on August 13th, hence his pseudo-birthday)

 

Nathaniel= February 8th 2008 (Aquarius)

December 15th 2008

April 26th, 2009

November 20th, 2009

RESURRECTED: November 18th, 2011

STABILIZED on November 9th 2012 (Scorpio)

 

Waldorf= March 3rd 2003 (there) (Pisces)

December 3rd 2002 (ck)

November 13th 2012

 

Leon= April 18th 2010 (Aries)

RESURRECTED: December 8th, 2010 (Sagittarius)

 

Laurie= September 4th 2006 (Virgo)

 

Julie= August 18th, 2011 (Leo)

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

July 15th 2013= underground handwriting page. Einsatz and Zwei's names found. Einastz also evidenced in the car.

July 25th- mention of dread. may 2 & june 13th first listed. originally said he was a young adult!! fronted with others on dec 10.

 

algorith= November 12th 2013? (Scorpio) OR July 31st 2013 (Leo)

 


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

JAVIER= December 27th 2013 (Capricorn)

ZWEI= July 15th 2013? (Cancer)

RAZOR= October 19h? 2008 (Libra)

CANNON= May 15th 2008?? (Taurus)

DREAD= December 10th 2013? (Sagittarius)

 

SPINE= January 16th 2011 (Capricorn)

AIMEE= October 29th 2013 (Scorpio)

JAYCE= October 23rd 2013 (Libra)

SPICE= September 18th 2013 (Virgo)

THE DESTROYER= January 25 2014 (Aquarius)

JESSICA???= May 7th 1990 (Taurus)

THE BEAR= June 2nd 2010 (Gemini)

 

LYNNE= February 9th 2008? (Aquarius)

KALISHA= November 17th 2013 (Scorpio)

AMARA= October 29th 2013 (Scorpio)

ALGORITH= July 31st 2013 (Leo)

 

JOSEPHINA= July 26th 2010 (Leo)

MARIGOLD= April 23 2013 (Taurus)

SIMEON=

MAVERICK=

RAZWELL=

WRECKAGE= March 4th 2014 (Pisces)

 

KARISSA= January 25th 2014 (Aquarius)

BRIDGET=

 

NATHANIEL= November 18th 2011? (Scorpio)

SERGEI= July 23rd 2013 (Leo)

QUEEN=

 

MINTY= May 30th 2013? (Gemini)

EINSATZ= July 15th 2013 (Cancer)

EMMETT= October 25th? 2012 (Scorpio)

TOBIKO= March 2nd 2014 (Pisces)

GARRISON= November 17th 2013 (Scorpio)

 

KYANOS= February 26th 2013 (Pisces)

PINSTRIPE= August 5th 2010? (Leo)

 

WALDORF= March 3rd 2003 (Pisces)

MISSY= ???

GENT=

NIENNA= 2014

 

LEON= April 18th 2010 (Aries)

DAVID= April 23 2013 (Taurus)

AIRPORT= August 15th 2012 (Leo)

CHURCH?=

 

LAURIE= September 4th 2006

CHRISTINA MARIE= June 2013? ()

ISADORA= November 17th 2013 (Scorpio)

 

JULIE= 199?

SUGAR= July 22nd 2013 (Cancer/Leo)

ASHEN= January 25th 2014 (Aquarius)

KNIFE= June 12th 2013 (Gemini)

 

MULBERRY= May 1st 2013 (Taurus)

JEREMIAH= June 6th 2013 (Gemini)

EROS= December 9th 2011 (Sagittarius)

JABBERWOCK= 2014

 

SHERLOCK= 2013

FOGBANK=

 

JAY=

INFINITII= April 3rd 2013

 

RYMAN=
MARKUS=

CHAOS=

GENESIS= JULY 4TH 2005

XENOPHON= MARCH 13 2011

CELEBI=

JEWEL= MAY 7TH

 



 

 

ARIES

  • Infinitii

  • Leon

  • Cel?

 

TAURUS

  • Jewel?

  • Cannon

  • Marigold

  • David

  • Mulberry

 

GEMINI

  • Minty

  • Jeremiah

  • The Bear

 

CANCER

  • Einsatz

  • Zwei

 

LEO

  • Julie

  • Josephina

  • Sugar

  • Genesis

  • Pinstripe

  • Algorith

 

VIRGO

  • Laurie

  • Spice

 

LIBRA

  • Jay

  • Razor

  • Jayce

 

SCORPIO

  • Nathaniel

  • Garrison

  • Emmett

  • Aimee

 

SAGITTARIUS

  • Leon

  • Eros

  • Dread?

 

CAPRICORN

  • Javier

  • Spine

 

AQUARIUS

  • CZ

  • Ashen

  • The Destroyer

 

PISCES

  • Xenophon

  • Waldorf

  • Tobiko



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

 

timeline is largely missing from 1990 -- 2000

 

----------------------------ELEMENTARY SCHOOL-------------------------------------------

+ JEWEL LIGHTRAYE (2000-1)

+ CEL (2001)

+ HOSEKI (2002-3) (FRAGMENTED)

----------------------------high school starts-------------------------------------------

+ "third jewel" (dissolved) (2004-6?)

+ SPINNingcannon (2005-8?)

+ JESSICA (2006+?)

--------------------------------------------JOB STARTS------------------------------------------------

+ Jaqueline (2006+)

+ jennifer (2006+)

--------------------------------UNIVERSITY starts-------------------------------------------

+ CANNON (2008-9)

--------------------------ARTIST BLOODLINE SPLITS OFF------------------------------

+ CEL #2 (2009) (DISSOLVED)

+ Spinzor (2009) (SUMMER ONLY)

+ GLISSANDO (2009) (SUMMER ONLY)

+ "MANIC SPIN" (2009) (dissolved)

+ INK (2010) (UNKNOWN)

-------------------------BLOODLINE SPLITS IN HALF-------------------------------------

+ Pinstripe (2010) (DIED, FRAGMENTED)

-------------------------POST-UTAH SUICIDE ATTEMPT--------------------------------

+ "MALE JEWEL" (2011) (FRAGMENTED)

+ EROS (2012?) (SPLIT IN HALF, RESET)

--------------------------SLC TRIP MEMORY BREAK-------------------------------------

+ DEON (2012-3?) (DIED)

----------------------------------SCRATCH ATTEMPT------------------------------------------

+jay iridos (2013)

----------------------------------MASSACRE IN 2014 ------------------------------------------

+ JEWEL (2000) RETURNS

----------------------------------HARD RESET IN 2016------------------------------------------

+jay iridos (2013) RESTORED; POSSIBLE SURNAME CHANGE?

 

 

SYSTEM NO LONGER APPEARS TO HAVE A SINGLE "CORE"

 

UNKNOWN STATUS IN 2015?




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





prismaticbleed: (Default)



  1. WRECKAGE
  2. JAY (ANUBIS/ANGEL)
  3. WATSON
  4. SHINZOU??
  5. KALISHA
  6. CAKE
  7. SIMEON?
  8. JOPHAEL?
  9. NEBISAI
  10. AIMEE
  11. SIREN?
  12. ROXIE
  13. LETHE
  14. SPINE HYPOMONE
  15. JAYCE
  16. OVERLOAD
  17. TRIPLE
  18. BRAXTON
  19. THE DESTROYER
  20. CHOCOLOCO
  21. COCO
  22. JEZEBEL
  23. SPINNY?
  24. ZWEI
  25. JEWEL???
  26. DENDRITE???
  27. JAVIER ANASTASI
  28. DEON
  29. SPINZOR
  30. RUBY? (MANIC RED)
  31. THE STRIPPER?
  32. RORSCHACH?
  33. CANNON
  34. RAZOR
  35. HATCHET
  36. CLEAVER
  37. SCALPEL
  38. DREAD
  39. CRUSADE?
  40. ALTAIRRE?
  41. RUPTURE
  42. JESSE?
  43. ALGORITH
  44. MONTAG
  45. VIXIE
  46. JAMIE
  47. SPICE
  48.  
  49. SUMMER BOY??
  50. CAYENNE
  51. LYNNE STABELLE
  52. HYAKINTH
  53. TIGER LILY?
  54. JASPER?
  55. EXERCISE DUDE
  56. PEACH?
  57. SPIKE
  58. FIG
  59. JUSTICE??
  60. SELIPH??
  61. GENESIS
  62. GAMBOGE?
  63. EPHREM
  64. GRIEVOUS?
  65. PHOENIX
  66. THE MAVERICK
  67. JASON
  68. JOSEPHINA BELLAMEIRE
  69. GALA?
  70. MARIGOLD
  71. MEDALLION?
  72. SYLVAIN
  73. FRENCHIE
  74. RAZWELL
  75. Y?
  76. CELEBI
  77. KARISSA
  78. THE LESBIAN
  79. THE PEDOPHILE
  80. LEENA?
  81. KERRY
  82. "LITTLE BOY"???
  83. CHEMICAL?
  84. ARMY FLOWER???
  85. BRIDGET
  86. JETFIRE
  87. SERGEI
  88. NURSE
  89. JUNIPER
  90. ENYA GIRL??
  91. NATHANIEL VICTOIRE
  92. JASMINE
  93. "LITTLE GIRL"???
  94. BINGE GIRL? (Leena?)
  95. LIBRIS
  96. CELEBI-THORN
  97. TOX
  98. HARMONIA
  99. EMMETT
  100. GARRISON
  101. MINTY
  102. TOBIKO
  103. EINSATZ
  104. QUEEN
  105. DAVY
  106. THE CONDEMNER?
  107. THE LIAR
  108. CHAOS ZERO
  109. PERFECT?
  110. PINSTRIPE?
  111. YB?
  112. KYANOS KATHEDRIKOS
  113. "BAT EARS"
  114. THE MOURNER
  115. MOXIE
  116. MISSY
  117. YOGA GIRL?
  118. MIRROR GIRL?
  119. FREEZE GIRL?
  120. THE FLIRT?
  121. JEMMA
  122. JOSHUA
  123. WALDORF KALLIOPE
  124. NIENNA?
  125. RIO?
  126. PRELUDOVE
  127. DALTON?
  128. THE GENT
  129. AMARA
  130. LEON KIASI
  131. DAVID
  132. INTERIM
  133. GLISSANDO
  134. JESSICA
  135. ACONITUM?
  136. VEIL
  137. BIZ
  138. NEXUS
  139. CHRISTINA?
  140. KAIN?
  141. XENOPHON LEPHISE
  142. LAURIE UBERICH
  143. ISADORA
  144. MARKUS BARASHIR
  145. PATRICIA?
  146. ALDREA
  147. MAITRU
  148. JULIE ENANTIOS
  149. SUGAR
  150. KNIFE
  151. ASHEN
  152. JENNIFER
  153. SPINEL?
  154. WHISKET?
  155. ISCAH
  156. E.D. TALKER?
  157. UNICORN PRINCESS??
  158. (SCHOOLKID JESS)
  159. PTERODACTYL?
  160. EROS
  161. JEREMIAH
  162. MULBERRY DELTA BRANDY
  163. THE JABBERWOCK
  164. LEANNE
  165. AZALEA
  166. JACINTH?
  167. PAINT ROLLER
  168. HOSEKI
  169. CERISE PROTECTOR?
  170. FOGBANK
  171. THE SCIENTIST?
  172. THE ANDROGYNE?
  173. SHERLOCK EPISTEME?
  174. MISTER SANDMAN
  175. QUICKSILVER?
  176. XIPHOID
  177. SILIVREN
  178. IRIDOS
  179. ADAKIAS
  180. CRAZYJAY
  181. DIAMANTE
  182. TRIAD
  183. TILLY
  184. LACE BRAIDS
  185. ICICLE
  186. NILLA
  187. PLAGUE
  188. INFINITII ETERNOS
  189. SHARONA
  190. SPACE MOTHER
  191. TAR
  192. VEZERAI
  193. DEVONAL


    tentative:
    JACQUELINE?
    BRAZEN?
    WILLOW???


    *EATING DISORDER VOICES ARE INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC: SOME CAN ONLY EAT CERTAIN FOODS. THIS IS VITAL TO OUR SURVIVAL!!!


prismaticbleed: (Default)

(LAST UPDATED 080417)

FLOATING VOICES AND OUTSIDE SOCIALS ARE NOT CONSIDERED PART OF THE SPECTRUM.
THEY ARE, HOWEVER, PART OF THE
SYSTEM, AS THEY ARE STILL ALTERS.
CONVERSELY, OUTSPACERS ARE PART OF THE
SPECTRUM, BUT NOT OF THE SYSTEM.

 


SYSTEM CORES ("Hosts")

Individuals who function as the internal "anchorpoint" for the entire System. They are virtually always male-presenting.
Their existence preserves the foundations of the System. They may also be able to do data work for the LeagueWorlds.
They rarely front, being built for internal work, but all can still front whenever they wish.
They have no native level, but they work with Central, and move freely throughout all of headspace.
The current Core is always part of Central. Surviving past Cores may reside on any level they choose.
+jay iridos (CURRENT)

+ CANNON (2008-9)

+ Pinstripe (DIED?) (2010)
+ "MALE JEWEL" [adakias[ (2011)

+ cupid (2012?)

+ DEON? (dIED) (2012-3)



JEWEL CORES
Individuals who are tied to the "Jewel Bloodline" of the System's origin.
They are virtually always female-presenting.
They work almost exclusively with the Leagueworlds, being able to actively exist in them, & managing all our outside creative work.
They have overriding fronting rights and typically are out for extended periods of time.
They do not properly exist in headspace and so have no native level, but they work with Central when needed.
A Jewel Core is rarely, if ever, in headspace. This is what differentiates them from System Cores.

+ JEWEL LIGHTRAYE (2000-1) (CURRENT)
+ HOSEKI (2002-3)
+ "third jewel" (dissolved) (2004-6?)
+ SPINNingcannon (2006-7?)
+ Spinzor (2009) (SUMMER ONLY?)



DRIVERS ("Main Fronters")
Individuals who act as Socials but who function as the "main" INSIDE-ROOTED fronter for a certain time period.
They ideally work to balance the daily existence with internal existence.
They typically have overriding fronting rights, and are almost always out during their respective time periods.
They typically have a vague internal existence, if any, and some do not take their own face or name at first.
They may not gain individuality until after they have "faded" out of main fronting for a significant time period.

Not many Drivers are Cores, but in the past it was typical for several Drivers to share that job to a fair extent.
THEY ARE ALWAYS AWARE OF THE SYSTEM, HOWEVER VAGUELY.
+ OVERLOAD
+ "MANIC SPIN" (dissolved)
+ GLISSANDO? (SUMMER NIGHT ONLY?)

+ JEMMA

 

 

DÆMONS
Tentative category; this phenomenon is being researched.
Individuals who are spiritually bound to "human-base" members of the System (the Cores, some Outspacers), and/or the System subconscious at large.
They act as "shadow complements" to their hosts, being made of the same soulstuff, but holding more dangerous and/or buried characteristics that their host has not accepted or integrated properly.
They are not allowed to front unless given explicit permission to do so both by and along with their host.
They reside in floating space, which has no level. Their movement in structured headspace seems highly limited.
+ INFINITII ETERNOS (Jay)

+ LETHE STYX (RYMAN)

+ MEDALLION GUILLOTINE (MARKUS)
+ DENDRITE (HOSEKI)
+ CHOCOLOCO VANILOCO (JEmma?)

+ axis (jessica)

+nexus (laurie)

+ cake (???)
+ SELIPH? (GENESIS)
+ PERFECT? (CHAOS)



CENTRAL MEMBERS ("Central")
The original "headvoices," and overseers of the entire System.
They deal with inner maintenance, protecting the Cores and actively resisting the Tar/Plague.
They can front whenever they wish, typically for management purposes, but are not triggered.
They reside in Central, but can freely move between levels.

+ JAVIER ANASTASI
+ SPINE HYPOMONE

+ LYNNE STABELLE
+ JOSEPHINA BELLAMEIRE

+ CEL
+ NATHANIEL VICTOIRE

+ CHAOS ZERO

+ KYANOS KATHEDRIKOS
+ WALDORF KALLIOPE
+ LEON KIASI
+ LAURIE UBERICH
+ JULIE ENANTIOS
+ EROS

+ jay iridos

+ SHERLOCK

+ INFINITII ETERNOS



MIDSPACE MEMBERS ("Midspacers")

Individuals who reside in the buildings/streets of Central City, or in the areas outside the City.
They have benevolent "helper" roles, and are not tied to any trauma or triggers.
They are not triggered, and can only front if they are asked to.
They stay in Central City, and only rarely visit Central or the Underground.

+ AIMEE

+ HYAKINTH

+ SERGEI

+ AMARA

 

 

ARCHIVISTS ("Data Voices")
Individuals who tend to 'float' in non-space, without entering the City.
They deal exclusively with data management.
They only front when asked to; otherwise, they guide all other fronters.
They have no native level, but their locations are analogous to Midspace.
+ KALISHA

+ GARRISON

+ ISADORA

+ SHERLOCK


LOWSPACE MEMBERS ("Lowers")
Individuals who reside in the lower streets/ early underground level of Central City.
They deal with holding and healing emotional trauma and triggers.
They front when triggered. Some can front if they wish to.
They reside in both Central City and the Underground, and work with the latter.
+ SPICE

+ MARIGOLD

+ EMMETT

+ DAVID

+ JEREMIAH

 

 

UNDERGROUND MEMBERS ("Undergrounders")
Individuals who reside below Central City, in the catacombs and tunnels.
They deal with inner maintenance, physical atonement, and/or preventing further trauma.
They can front whenever they wish, but may also be triggered, although this is rare.
They reside in the Underground and rarely leave it unless direly needed. They work with Central.

+ RAZOR

+ BRAXTON

+ ALGORITH

+ MINTY
+ CHRISTINA MARIE
+ SUGAR

+ KNIFE

+ MULBERRY DELTA BRANDY



CHTHONIC MEMBERS ("Chthonics")
Individuals who reside below the Underground, in the caverns and pits.
They deal with trauma management, and hold the most pain and fear of anyone else in the System.
They only front when triggered, although most can front whenever they wish as well.
They reside in the bowels of headspace and rarely leave it unless direly needed. They work mainly as rogues.
+ DREAD
+ WRECKAGE
+ TOBIKO
+ ASHEN
+ "JABBERWOCK"

 

 

DOWNSTAIRS MEMBERS ("Socials")
Individuals who exist almost exclusively "in the body," as opposed to in headspace.
They deal with direct aspects of physical life, as opposed to inner life.
This does NOT mean they necessarily socialize.
They front when triggered, and/or when their anchors are sufficiently focused upon.
They have no native inner level as they do not typically reside there, but by default they first appear in Lowspace.
They are different from Drivers in that they are never the "main people" out, and do not speak for the System as such.

+ JAYCE
+ "THE DESTROYER"
+ HATCHET
+ "VICTINI?"

+ ZWEI
+ "EXERCISE GUY"
+ MAVERICK
+ LEENA?
+ QUEEN

+ EINSATZ
+ gent

+ NIENNA
+ "AIRPORT"



OUTSIDE SOCIALS
Individuals who function as OUTSIDE-ROOTED fronters for a certain time period or context.
They exist to "follow a safe script" in the outside world, appearing "normal" and therefore hiding our existence.
They are typically "forced" out to front in social situations, for good or ill, and it is often very hard to get them out.
They do not have
any internal existence, nor do they have their own names (as far as we know).
THYE ARE NORMALLY UNAWARE OF THE SYSTEM. THEY ARE THEREFORE NOT PART OF THE SPECTRUM.
THEY EXIST ONLY TO SOCIALIZE.
OUTSIDE SOCIALS CAN BE EITHER NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE.
+ JESSE?
+ JENNIFER



WRITER "SOCIALS"
Tentative category.
Individuals who only evidence through handwriting or written entries.
They usually have deep insight or knowledge into relevant topics, or may hold exclusive memories that need to be shared.
They do not front unless writing by hand. Otherwise they only channel.
They do not reside on any detectable level that we know of yet.
+ SIMEON



UNASSIGNED/UNSURE
Individuals whose role, functions, levels, etc. are currently unclear to us.
They can be interacted with internally, and therefore are NOT faceless.
Some may ultimately fragment out of existence without gaining solid anchors.
+ RAZWELL

+ GAMBOGE
+ Karissa
+ lEANNE?
+ "VEIL"




FACELESS VOICES
Voices that are internally-based and therefore potential Spectrum holders, who are not clearly perceivable yet.
They may have colors or tentative names, but they
never have faces at this stage.
Faceless voices exist in "floatspace" and
CANNOT be interacted with internally. They CAN be dragged out to front, however.
Faceless voices often fade out of existence without gaining solid anchors.
Faceless voices all deal with the outside world, BUT not all count as "Socials."

FACELESS VOICES CAN BE EITHER NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE.
+ SUMMER BOY?

+ EPHREM
+ MOXIE
+ "BAT EARS"
+ aconitum
+ "THE ANDROGYNE"
+ "LITTLE GIRL"
+ "LOST BOY"




OUTSPACERS ("Walk-ins")
Individuals from media sources or Leagueworlds whose dreamselves have "moved into" our System.
They have no specific System function, but offer their support when able.
They are incapable of fronting. Many of them prefer to "ghost" in physical reality, to help current fronters.
They work with Central when needed.
THEY ARE TECHNICALLY
NOT PART OF THE SYSTEM. THEY MAY NOT BE OFFICIAL PARTS OF THE SPECCTRUM.
+ "GALA"?

+ GENESIS APOLYMIS

+ CHAOS ZERO
+ "DAVY"?

+ RYMAN SAIKARAS

+ MARKUS BARASHIR

+ XENOPHON LEPHISE

 

HONORARY MEMBERS
Individuals from the Leagueworlds who interact with our System regularly/ have interacted with us notably on a benevolent basis.
Most of them know the Jewel Core(s) personally.
Some of them have strong ghosting abilities and will accompany the cores if needed.
THEY DO NOT COUNT AS PART OF THE SYSTEM OR SPECTRUM.
+ HOSEA
+ NEBISAI
+ PSYCHE
+ JUSTICE
+ PRELUDOVE

+ MISTER SANDMAN
+ VEZERAI
+ DEVONAL



CORRUPTED/MALICIOUS

Individuals that have been corrupted by the Tar/Plague, or who work for it/ its mutual goals of their own free will.
They are actively malevolent towards the rest of the System.
They can only front by "hacking."
They have no native level, but seem to stay hidden in the Underground, Chthonic, or "basement" levels.
+ "CLEAVER"?
+ "THE STRIPPER"

+ "MANIC RED"
+ BRAZEN "BAD JESS"
+ ANNA
+ "THE PEDOPHILE???"

+ "THE LESBIAN"

+ BRIDGET
+ JASMINE "THE PAGAN"

+ MISSY
+ "BAD EROs"
+ SHARONA
+ TAR (JEZEBEL)
+ "THE SCIENTIST"
+ "FOGBANK"
+ PLAGUE
+ "LACE BRAIDS"



THERE ARE MANY OTHER UNIDENTIFIED ALTERS IN OUR SYSTEM.
MANY OF THEM DO NOT HAVE INTERNAL ROOTS AND THEREFORE ARE DIFFICULT TO DETECT.

WE ARE SLOWLY FINDING THEM AND LEARNING THEIR FUNCTIONS/ LEVELS/ ETC.
WE WILL UPDATE THIS POST AS ACCURATELY AS POSSIBLE TO REFLECT THIS NEW KNOWLEDGE.

 



br

Jul. 11th, 2017 01:46 pm
prismaticbleed: (aflame)

love is undying.



this is the new tumblr for the
lotus cathedral system,
a diagnosed traumagenic D.I.D. system
with at least 140 identified members.



we're slowly recovering from an extensively destructive "internal reset" attempt, and the consequential losses both inside and outside.
but we are alive.
we are together.

and that alone is hope undying.




     


prismaticbleed: (Default)


THE PRISMBLOOD CATHEDRAL SYSTEM

~2000-2015+



GENERAL INFORMATION

According to our therapists, we have what is known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. In our terms, this simply means that we are a multitude of individuals all residing within one physical body.
We are an unusual case however, as our System was created specifically to function internally, as this was not only our original core's "default" state of existence, but also because we experienced significant inner trauma more often than we experienced outer trauma. Because of this, most of our members rarely "front" in the body as they have no need to (their roles concern our inner life).
Due to a lack of social interaction, a rather dysfunctional family, and an all-consuming imagination, the original child grew up with a very unusual view of reality, colored by magical thinking and an ignorance of how other, non-troubled individuals functioned. As this way of life did not alter until the body was about 17, our inner world reflects this weird and wonderful perspective.
Our System runs on a set of complex but fantastic rules, which some have compared to an RPG or a video game, but which is honestly how our core individuals see the world. There is a great deal of symbolism here, as well as a great emphasis on the power of thought, and the importance of love. Despite the terrors we have  all experienced, our lives together make a strangely inspiring tapestry of growth and wisdom, a long and arduous tale that ultimately reaches a happiness we once thought unattainable. The often "fantastic" operations of our inner world only serve to compliment that, helping us all believe that nothing is impossible, and that we can all rise above and beyond the painful dregs of fear we were born from.

 


VOCABULARY
We have a large and varied vocabulary of System-related terms that are often confusing or vague to those outside of headspace, or unaware of our structure. Following is an alphabetical list of those terms, with definitions.

active: A term meaning "actively accessible or functioning." Refers to both alters and locations.

alter: Interchangeable with "headvoice."

anchor: The "purpose" of a headvoice, and a requirement for manifestation. Anchors occur when sufficient mental energy is focused on a certain quality or concept that is detached from other System members. This collected energy then coalesces into a headvoice, who then acts as both a protector and manifestation of that concept or quality, which in turn becomes their "function." Anchors can be benevolent or malevolent, and they can change, although this is a difficult process. Anchors will bond to fitting Spectrum colors if and when they become strong or important enough within the System. Also see "function."
anchor, level: The level of headspace that a headvoice typically (or exclusively) lives and works within. This level is determined by function, but is unaffected by color. Level anchors can only change if an alter's function changes accordingly (a rare and difficult process), or if they are promoted to Central.
anchoring: The process of finding, solidifying, or gaining an anchor. Often interchangeable with "manifestation" when the individual anchoring has not had a solid form prior to doing so, and gains one afterward.

archivists: Alters whose function it is to manage and distribute stored memory information to other alters. Originally called "data voices."

atonement: The process of physically scarring the body in order to "bleed out" internal corruption, as is the mandatory post-hack procedure. Atonement began in 2010 when the true motive of hacks was discovered.

atoners: Old name for Retributors.

beetles: Insects first seen in the Chthonic levels, color unknown. They appear to be benevolent, and helped save Infinitii's life.

blackspace: One of the two realms of "raw" headspace; Blackspace deals with organics and the subconscious. It is an unending realm of raw Black energy, effectively the "cosmic womb" that every alter manifests from in both body and mind. Blackspace is "below" the bodymap and so it does not exist in any fixed location, but it can be visited, resembling an endless, liquid black ocean with no surface or walls. It is spherical in form. It cannot be consciously manipulated. Infinitii, and possibly all daemons, are intrinsically linked to this space.

body map: Also "bodymap." The visual correlation between Headspace's vertical level structure and the physical body. Roughly, Central corresponds to the brain while the Chthonic levels correspond to the lower abdomen/ base of spine.

Blood Lotus Cathedral: A massive, lotus-shaped cathedral, originally discovered and formed as the "soulspace" of the 2012 Core. Although originally located in floatspace, it has since become the "heart" of Central City. It is a highly enigmatic location in recent times. May also be used as a collective "story" term for our System's past experiences.

bubblespace: The specific floatspace pocket that Infinitii resides in.

cathartic block: The situation in which an individual is unable to express and fully comprehend emotions. This is common with Plague infestation, or when Fogbank is fronting.
Central: A specific area of upper headspace within Central City, the first area to manifest in our entire inner world. It resembles a penthouse suite, located at the top of a skyscraper, overlooking the City. It has been stabilized into a sort of "safe space" for the Spectrum Cores in our System, who typically reside and work there. "Central" may also be used as a collective term to refer to those alters.

Central City: The main area of headspace: a small NYC-like city bordering an ocean and two large forests. Its geography resembles Rio de Janeiro.

Centralite: Any single member of Central.

channel: An "open path" in the mind/body that a headvoice uses in order to front, speak, or write.

chthonics: Alters that natively reside in the Chthonic level.

co-fronting: When two or more alters are driving the body at the same time.

color core: See "Spectrum core."

color realms: See "Realms."

core color: See "Spectrum core."
core: See "System core."
connection: In the proper context, this is a term for an act of intimate spiritual "bonding" between two or more individuals in headspace. This is a term borrowed from the Dream World Leagueworld, as it is essentially the same process. Connections can also vary in "color."

daemon: A heartspace creature born from the hidden shadows/vices of an individual: essentially, a manifestation of "what you are afraid of within yourself." A daemon is meant to promote total self-love and acceptance, while not sugarcoating or ignoring those darker sides. The daemon phenomenon has currently only been observed in humans within the System.

daemon realms: Isolated floatspace pockets that daemons typically reside in for the sake of safety and secrecy.

data voices: Original term for the Archivist alters.
destabilization: Existential "decay" that occurs when a headvoice loses their anchor, due to function collapse or corruption. It is often lethal.

downstairs: A term used to refer to the physical world/life outside of headspace: essentially what our body must participate in to survive.
driving: a term for the process of a headvoice directly and consciously controlling the physical body. Adopted because this often feels like driving a car or similar machine, something separate from the actual self. Interchangeable with "fronting."

ego:

a mindless conglomeration of expectations, not an actual personification or true consciousness
faceless: Literally, "without a manifested form." Most socials, splinters, and voices are faceless, and therefore very hard to identify.

faceless voices: Any headspace-originated "voice" that does not have a manifested form. Not interchangeable with 'floating voices.'

floating voices: A non-alter "voice" heard outside the head. These voices can be either helpful or actively harmful, usually the latter, yet it is often difficult to tell the difference. They may claim to be angels, demons, aliens, guides, etc. Floating voices predate the System's formation by several years. They also appear to be frightened or intimidated by System members, especially Laurie and Infinitii, and will "disappear" if such individuals make themselves known.

floatspace: Any visitable place in headspace/heartspace that has no fixed location, or which exists specifically in a non-physical place. These locations are frequently "self-contained" and very small.

fragment: …

See "splinter."

neutrality splinter. conscious in trauma or meltdowns. goal is to simply exist of the world
unhinged, emotionless, deep inspiration drive, possible alternate creation ability, silent, fragile, strange, detached, connected. despite unsettling demeanor, feels universally, completely open

fronter: A headspace individual who regularly fronts in the body, or if used in the active sense, the current individual doing so.
fronting: When a headvoice directly controls the body as its presenting consciousness. Interchangeable with "driving."

function: The role which a headvoice is sworn to fulfilling. Headvoices with unstable or unclear functions can die from the lack of stabilization, while those with "function overload" may corrupt to an equally lethal extreme. Also see "anchor."

function, inborn: A function that was inherent in an alter upon their manifestation.

function, inflicted: A function that was bestowed upon an alter after their manifestation. This is rare, and most frequently occurs when destabilization and/or anchor slippage occurs.

function overload: Occurs when an alter takes their function to a destructive and/or malevolent extreme, resulting in slippage and possibly destabilization.

Fusion:

ghosting: When an outspacer "half-appears" in the physical realm, as an intuitively perceptible being, in order to accompany the current fronter (typically a Core). Headvoices can also do this, but it must be learned, and it is difficult for them to remain ghosting for long.

graves: The series of 42 linear scars up and down the body's forearms. They were the first retributive actions taken, when it was discovered that hacks were destroying the creativity tied to the Leagueworlds, effectively "aborting" potential worlds and individuals before they had a chance to manifest. Laurie mandated that every hack from then on must be followed by a scar-- a "grave" for those lost as a result.
hack: A malevolent and typically traumatic attack from inside the System. Hacks can be either physical (forced fronting and abuse of the body) or non-physical (psychological warfare, induced nightmares). The term itself refers to both the brutal, sudden pain and terror of such incidents (i.e. "to deal cutting blows"), and the technological slang of "breaking into (a server) from a remote location to steal or damage data." Hacks are always perpetrated by corrupted individuals, most notably Julie (in the old timelines) and Sharona.

hack, dream: A hack that occurs while asleep, during a nightmare. Typically bleeds over into the body, but this can be prevented if a benevolent force intervenes in-dream.
headspace: The huge inner world we all reside in. It is a catchall term for all locations within, as long as they are related to the System. As of 2014 the term "heartspace" is now used to refer to Central's active living location, while "headspace" refers to the inner world at large, and Central prior to 2014.
headvoice: A non-corporeal individual born from headspace, within headspace. This term is interchangeable with the common DID term "alter."

heartspace: A replacement term for "headspace," used after the reset attempt in Dec 2013. It is meant to more properly indicate our function and purpose, as opposed to the hackers and floating voices.

heartvoice: A replacement term for "headvoice," used after the reset attempt in Dec 2013. It is meant to more properly distinguish between alters and the floating voices. It is usually used to refer to Centralites.
holder: Also "slot holder." Used to refer to any headvoice that is anchored to a color slot.

insects: Also "bugs." The myriad of insects that have been observed within our System, on multiple levels. Their purpose is unknown. They can be either benevolent or malevolent.
inspacer: An individual residing in headspace whose native world is a Leagueworld. See "outspacer."

invisible audience: A humorous term referring to the theoretical "readers" of our online posts.

Jewel: A prestigious title given to the Cores in our System that have connections to Dream World.
Jewel bloodline: A collective referral to the many artist fronters that have held the "Jewel" title in some way. This "bloodline" of function began in 2002, and has continued through at least four other individuals since then. The phenomenon itself is tied to the Leagueworlds and as such we know little about it.
johnny-nighter: A term referring to a night when we do not sleep, and instead stay awake typing nonstop until 5 or 6 AM. Sleep after that point is optional. Coined in 2009, a reference to the JTHM comic quote: "I don’t sleep; I have better things to do."

kything: A term reverently adopted from Madeleine L'Engle's books, this refers to a non-verbal, almost "spiritual" manner of communication between headspace individuals. It allows emotions, perceptions, and similar inner feelings to be shared instantly, on a level of intuitive understanding, and without the struggle of vocabulary translation. It is only possible if one is open to it.
Leagueworld: An inner world outside of headspace, which is intrinsically separate from it, and which the Jewel bloodline functions to learn and write about. There are approximately 15 of these Worlds to our current knowledge, including Dream World and Rosewindow. It is not impossible for individuals from Leagueworlds to interact with the System (e.g. Mister Sandman), but such individuals are usually reality-jumpers, and/or are similarly unhindered by their native universe limits.
Lightraye: The formal collective subtitle for both our System and the Leagueworlds (e.g. "Lightraye League," "Lightraye System"). It is also used as a surname for those in key positions there.

lilies: Flowers associated with Infinitii. Their current purpose is unknown.

limbo: "The grayish void between realms upstairs." Possibly actual Grayspace. Rarely used term, but refers to a legitimate location.

Links: Mental/spiritual connections formed between two or more individuals in two or more different worlds, "linking" them across space and time.
"When Jewel was younger, his consciousness would 'branch out' rather uncontrollably. Because of this he'd often 'catch' the vibrations of same-level individuals outside our system (i.e. media sources), effectively creating a sort of energetic bridge for them to enter headspace if they so wished. Few individuals were able to enter, though, and even fewer were able to stay. Those who did exhibited a peculiar sort of "resonance" with our inner energy field that effectively made them just as much a part of this system as we are, and may even be mandatory for such a scenario."

Lotus Cathedral: The "Leagueworld" title for our System; essentially, what we call the "story" of our lives. Originally synonymous with "Blood Lotus Cathedral."

Lower headspace: The level of headspace immediately below Midspace, but above the Underground. It holds "triggered" alters who are not destructive.
manics:

manifestation: The process of forming or solidifying a body within headspace.

massacre: A term referring to one specific reset event on December 28th 2013, in which Cannon and Jessica attempted to kill every existing headvoice and therefore destroy the System. It was nearly successful-- active headspace was nearly razed, and both active Cores were presumed dead. The System did survive but regeneration has been an arduous process, as we are effectively starting from base zero this time.

metainomen:

metainomenai: Plural form of “metainomen.”

Midspace: "Middle headspace." The level of headspace at 'street level.' It is effectively neutral, and holds alters who are passively benevolent. Social alters of such function may also appear here.
midspacer: An alter who natively resides in Middle Headspace, or "midspace." During the early days of the Spectrum this term instead referred to all outspacers/inspacers.

mindspill: A term for an archival entry written mostly via the A.P., enabling for rapid cycling of "authors" without the stress of having to front or enter the body to do so. Mindspill entries are rarely capitalized, may not contain grammar, and typically jump between several topics without necessarily concluding any.

Mirror Oasis (Room):

mistranslation: A term referring to circumstances upon which a certain experience and/or expression cannot find a fitting outlet and is forced into another, often harmful context. Typical in hacks.

old girls: Any of the destructive and/or malevolent alters that existed prior to Jewel becoming the core. Typically refers to Jessica or Jezebel, but also includes several faceless voices.

original child: The unidentified, possibly unsalvageable individual that assumedly lived in this body prior to headspace's inception. S/he may exist only in broken pieces of alters by this point.

overlay: Occurs whenever a headvoice fronts in the body. It is an intuitive "mask" of the headvoice's actual appearance, superimposed upon the physical form to decrease dysphoria and increase coherent functioning. Considered a sort of "personal identification" as fronters can often be retroactively identified by looking ath their overlay records. Only faceless voices do not emit overlays.
outspace: Physical, body-experienced reality, i.e. anything outside of headspace. Also called "the waking world."
outspacer: An individual residing in headspace whose native world exists outside of headspace, typically from a media source. Also called "walk-ins," along with inspacers. These individuals are similar to "soulbonds" in multiple systems, although we do not often use that term. They differ from headvoices in both role and behavior, and are not inherently tied to the System, although it imposes strict requirements on any eligible individuals. It is not uncommon for outspacers to be suddenly blocked from entering headspace in disaster situations.

Plague: A self-aware mass of corrupted White energy, that has taken up residence within headspace. Its true age is unknown, as it did not begin evidencing until after the Tar gained its own physical form. The Plague's main vices are pride and apathy, and it appears to seek only the passive annihilation of the System-- a reset which would be unrecoverable from.

plague rooms:

(attempted hack of whitespace)

programming: Internalized subconscious behavior and/or thought processes that are typically harmful and devoid of self-awareness and personal truth.

raw headspace: The ethereal material that our entire inner world is built from. See "whitespace" and "blackspace."

realms: Also "color realms." Refers to a specific area of heartspace that is dedicated to alters of a specific Spectrum color. This is a post-massacre phenomenon and as such, not much is yet known about it.
reset attempt: An attempt to annihilate the System, with or without hope of regeneration.

reset: A "successful" reset attempt. None have been permanently successful, but all have had serious and often traumatic lasting consequences.

resurrection: The phenomenon in which a 'dead' alter is suddenly brought back to life. This can only occur at the will of the System itself.

Retributor: An alter whose main role is to deliver atonement. Collectively "Retributors."

roses:
Scratch: A term which refers to one specific hard-reset event that occurred on February 24th 2013, in which our current fronter attempted to annihilate the entirety of headspace, and return to a pre-trauma mindset. Although ultimately unsuccessful, the Scratch attempt had such severe and permanent consequences that we now refer to our current time as "post-Scratch," and the time before the 24th as "pre-Scratch."

slippage: Also "slipping." Markedly out-of-character or corrupted behavior, which occurs when an alter begins to lose their anchor or corrupt their function. This is a "warning" phenomenon and it is not lethal unless allowed to continue unchecked.
slots: Also "color slots." A term for any color in the Spectrum held by a headvoice. For example, Laurie Uberich holds the VIOLET slot. This means that her energy resonance is VIOLET, and no other headvoice can hold that exact color while she does.
socials: A casual term for a group of mostly-unidentified voices who front the most frequently, due to not having body anchors. Also called "social fronters."

soulbond: An adopted term, referring to Outspacers.
Spectrum, The: A collective term for either 1. the sixteen energetic "color slots" that define the function of our System, or 2. the headvoices in our System that are anchored to these color slots (as such it does NOT include faceless voices).

Spectrum core: The main hue of each Spectrum color slot. There are sixteen: Red, Brown, Orange, Yellow, Lime, Green, Aqua, Sky, Blue, Indigo, Violet, Pink, Cerise, Gray, White, and Black. Each color has approximately six main subslots. Also "color core" or "core color."

spiders: Insects of the Yellow realms. They are typically malevolent.
splinter: A zombie-like alter that has "broken off" of another, typically a Core. They are not truly conscious, having no true anchor or sense of self, and may instead become puppets for the Tar/Plague. This phenomenon was recognized in 2011, although it existed for some time prior. See "fragment."

splintering: The negative process in which a core "breaks" into two or more separate individuals, due to trauma or forced compartmentalization.
"We thought she was born from my 'lost' energy, optimism, childhood innocence, and kindness, but that had never really been lost. I had splintered. The real me HAS all of that, the me talking right now IS all of that! I never lost it. Thanatos and Fragment are a median system. It scares me, I won't deny that, but now I understand why I splintered like that. Laurie's motivation is to keep me safe and bright, above all else. And in my past, I didn't know what that entailed. So I broke myself into pieces without realizing it, because I didn't think those pieces could safely be part of me."

stabilization: The adjustment period immediately following an alter's manifestation, during which they become less "impulse" and more of an individual.

sub-hue: See subslot.

subslot: A Spectrum hue of a certain color that is not the Core color. For example, Gold is a subslot of Yellow. Also "sub-hue."

System Core: An alter who acts as the "main consciousness" for the System, ideally fronting whenever possible and acting as a focal point for the System's well-being. Central is dedicated to the aid and assistance of the current Core. Cores tend to change every 2-3 years, or after a sufficiently traumatic event.

System, The:

It may also be used as a general collective term for all the alters in headspace/heartspace.
Tar: a self-aware mass of corrupted Black energy, that has taken up residence below active headspace. It is assumed to be the second true member of our System, having been created simultaneously with Julie, and eventually overtaking her, due to the highly negative circumstances of their joint manifestation. The Tar ceaselessly perpetuates pain and trauma within headspace, as it needs these things in order to survive. Although it rarely acts directly, it frequently uses others for its own ends, either through forced control or psychological warfare. Even so, it has created a splinter named Jezebel for the sake of direct interaction. The Tar almost exclusively targets Jay and Infinitii, our Cores, since they directly threaten its existence, and any damage to them harms the entire System.

tar rooms:

(originally hacked into blackspace!)

thanatos drive: The "death drive" experienced by damaged Cores. (Cannon era only??)

exists solely to destroy the self. highly abusive. unable to interact. goal is to end personal existence

death drive. conscious in high stress. almost always conscious after hacks
entirely destructive, disconnected, purposeless, positive incomprehension, violent, driven, retributive, hopeless, angry

 

timeline: …

timeline, dead: …

trigger: …

Underground:

A specific level of lower headspace that contains very dangerous individuals, and so is not easily/ typically accessible.
upstairs: A casual term for "everything non-physical/ inside (our head)," for when more specific jargon would be baffling.
voices: A term for the faceless "voices" heard by fronters in the body, which may or may not ever anchor into actual headvoices. Voices are frequently manipulative and/or malevolent. Interchangeable with "floating voices."

walk-in: The original term for "outspacer." Taken from the fact that they all "walked in" to headspace from the physical world.

whitespace: One of the two realms of "raw" headspace; Whitespace deals with inorganics and the conscious mind. It is an unending realm of raw White energy, effectively the "blueprint" that all of headspace manifested from. Whitespace is "above" the bodymap and so it does not exist in any fixed location, but it can be visited, resembling an endless, luminous white space with a floor but no walls or ceiling. It is cubic in form. It can be limitlessly manipulated, but will only take on fixed shapes or forms, otherwise it will appear inert. In the early days of headspace, this is all that existed of our inner world, until Central manifested around 2009.

Xanga session: Slang for a stream-of-consciousness conversation held by two or more alters within headspace and written to a computer in realtime. Named after the website on which we originally hosted these conversations. These sessions typically last several hours.
: …

: …

: …

 



LEVELS OF HEADSPACE
We have identified several distinct "levels" of headspace.
It's easiest to think of the first five in a vertical fashion, but space doesn't quite work that way up here.

CENTRAL (UPSTAIRS)
This level refers almost entirely to Central City, the "hub" of our inner world. The landmark of this city is a skyscraper-like building referred to simply as "Central." This building is where the core-anchored headvoices reside, as it has been stabilized into a sort of "safe space" for them.
The inhabitants of Central are all tied to proper System function, especially the maintenance of the System itself and the care of its myriad inhabitants. Their anchors reflect the core energy colors. Laurie is the protector of the Upstairs, and by her own extension, the entire System as well.
MIDDLE HEADSPACE
Often "Midspace."
We referred to this level as "downstairs" for a while, but that became confusing as "downstairs" actually refers to physical reality for us, so we dropped this double usage.

LOWER HEADSPACE

Lower headspace is more strongly connected to raw consciousness than Central or Midspace; as a result it is typically fluid and highly mutable, with few 'fixed' areas. Lowers frequently work with the Undergrounders.
UNDERGROUND
Refers to a level of headspace below Central City, thought to be virtually inaccessible prior to 2012. The main habitable areas of it resemble basilica cisterns, and/or cathedral cloisters. Deeper, less hospitable areas resemble caves or catacombs, and often have an eerie red glow. At least one such area appears infested with massive insects. Exploring the Underground is highly dangerous and not recommended, as the Tar also resides there, albeit in a currently-unknown location. The exact size and extent of the Underground is unknown. This level also does not seem to follow the same rules of space that upper levels of headspace do.
The inhabitants of the Underground are all tied to trauma on some level. Their anchors may be coping methods, preventative actions, or the trauma itself. Knife is the protector of the Underground.

THE CHTHONIC LEVELS
Refers to a level of headspace below the Underground, which we were not aware of until 2014.

We know very little about it, at it is highly inhospitable, and those residing there are not welcoming of intruders or visitors.

This level is very organic in structure, resembling a massive cave formation. Its main area consists of a large underground body of water.

FLOATSPACE
Small "pocket locations" of headspace that are self-contained in raw headspace. Leon's cathedrals were the first example of such places we became aware of.

RAW HEADSPACE
Technically not a "level" at all, raw headspace does not even hold a mappable location. Rather, it is a term to refer to the "unformed" areas of headspace, blank white expanses of infinite potential. It is not impossible to enter them, just very difficult. Raw headspace can also be seen whenever a location begins to deteriorate, or when a location is not fully formed. This is what the entirety of headspace was until approximately 2002, when it began to solidify into the beginnings of the Downstairs.
Jay is commonly seen as the "protector" of raw headspace, as he is the White slot holder, and therefore has the most influence over it.

DAEMON REALMS

INFINITII'S BUBBLE
An entire level unto itself, the Bubble is literally a small, tangible sphere of encapsulated headspace. It was created by Infinitii in February 2013, and it is where he resides. Jay wears it as a necklace, attached to a silver chain, at Infinitii's behest. He has also procured a similar physical necklace in the waking world, for the sake of fronter interaction with Infinitii.
The Bubble is highly unique, as it is a floating level, and therefore exists within whatever other level it is brought into. It is bigger on the inside than on the outside, although upon entering it one will appear to "shrink." The inside is shaped like a large dome, and from within it one can still perceive the outside world as through translucent glass above. This fact can be used to produce a bizarre "recursive reality effect" if Jay enters the Bubble, as the view from "outside" will therefore reflect the interior. Lastly, the Bubble can only be entered or exited at Infinitii's command, as it exists for the sole purpose of keeping him safe from danger as long as the Tar still exists.

 

 


ENERGY COLORS
Our entire inner reality runs on several different colors of "energy," i.e., the ethereal stuff that makes things exist and function up here. By extension, this energy is inherently tied to the life of all beings native to headspace as well.
Ideally, these multiple colors should all function in harmony, with no corruption or manipulation within. Unfortunately this is not often the case, since the System and headspace itself were both created from trauma. We are moving beyond this, but it is a complex process.
As of 2015, sixteen different color slots have been identified. Each of these has its own specific sort of energetic function, which pertains not only to how it works in headspace, but also how it affects the headvoices that are bonded to it in their functions.


THE SPECTRUM
Due to the very substance of headspace being organized into colors, it is only fitting that those who were born from it exhibit connections to those same hues.
This phenomenon of color functions is the most pervasive aspect of our inner world, and as such it is difficult for us to fully grasp. Furthermore, since headspace itself exhibits its own strange sort of consciousness, the Spectrum itself is no exception. It shifts and evolves of its own volition, sometimes dramatically, according to what is needed for headspace to function properly. No one has been able to manipulate or otherwise influence the behavior of the Spectrum, not even the cores. Perhaps this is for the best, as it exhibits a wisdom in its silent management that we could only guess at ourselves.

The Spectrum itself is the groundwork of our entire System. It serves to organize and maintain proper order in headspace, making sure every headvoice has a proper role.
Each Spectrum color has one "core slot," which reflects that basic hue (the core slot of Red is Red). It also has several "sub-slots," which include shades and tints of that same color, and whose functions reflect variations on that color's basic energy (sub-slots of Green include Sage and Jade).
Ideally, all headvoices hold a color slot. Most headvoices manifest already anchored to a fitting color, thanks to energy resonance: if their function or origin is clear, they will naturally reflect whatever color matches it most closely. This is seen most often with Core slot holders.
However, not all individuals in headspace are part of the Spectrum. Faceless voices and outspacers must find solid anchors/functions before they can become part of the Spectrum. Nevertheless, all non-Spectrum individuals still display a sort of "resonance" with one or more colors; it is simply clarity that they lack. Once clarity of function is found, individuals naturally gravitate to a fitting color slot.
Black & White energies are unique as they inherently hold all other colors within them, and they are also the only colors capable of existing in a solidly corrupted state (the Tar & Plague). Negative B/W qualities CAN bleed over into any other slot, or infect more directly through temporary "possession" (e.g. Julie and Laurie both having some Black abilities), but this poses a high risk of often-fatal destabilization to those affected. Positive B/W bleedover is more subtle, usually only manifesting in powerfully specific but heartfelt situations (Soul Forms, the Angel Helmet).

A headvoice in a core slot will not only reflect the basic attributes of that energy color, but they will also act as a guardian of that energy within headspace, and all those who use it. All core slot holders typically reside in Central headspace due to their important roles. Sub-slot holders will still reflect attributes related to that core energy color, but not as strongly.

When a headvoice anchors fully into a color, their eyes and hair will match it. Any discrepancy in an anchored headvoice's eye/hair color, as opposed to their actual slot, is a telltale sign of their anchor splitting, migrating, or failing. The only exception to this rule are those in the Monochrome slots (Black/White), as they can naturally mirror any slot in the Spectrum if they so wish, and this inevitably changes their eye color.

(disclaimer for the following list: many of us went missing after the august reset. nevertheless this list includes the most recent holders.)
(C) = Central ... (D) = Downstairs ... (U) = Underground ... (M) = Midspacer... (L) = Lower... (O) = Outspacer ... (H) = Core ... (X) = ???

BROWN
CORE: Spine Hypomone (C).
BEIGE: held by Aimee (D).
TAN: possibly held by the "siren" (D)
RUSSET: held by Jayce (D).
SPICE: held by Spice (D).
CHOCOLATE: held by Overload (D).
BISTRE: held by "The Bear" (U).

RED
CORE: Javier Anastasi (C). Previously Jewel Lightraye (all). Accessible by the Monochrome holders.
BLOOD: held by Razor (U).
CRIMSON: held by Eros (X).
CHERRY: held by Zwei (D).
RUBY: held by Jewel (D,H).
MAROON: held by the "dead red" voice (D).
CADMIUM: held by Cannon (X).

ORANGE
CORE: held by Lynne Stabelle (C).
VERMILION: held by Algorith (U).
TANGERINE: held by Hyakin (M).
CORAL: held by Amara (M).
PEACH: held by Kalisha (M).
GAMBOGE: none.

YELLOW
CORE: held by Josephina Bellameire (C).
AMBER: held by Genesis Apolymis (I).
VANILLA: held by Sylvain (U?).
GOLDENROD: held by Marigold (L).
GOLD: none.

GREEN
CORE: held by Nathaniel Victoire (C).
SAGE: held by Sergei (M).
JADE: none.
OLIVE: none, previously held by Bridget (X).
LIME: held by Cel (D, H).
CHARTREUSE: possibly held by "the oni girl" (D?).

AQUA
(the lineup of this slot is still unsteady)
TEAL: held by Emmett (D).
MINT: held by Minty (U).
AZURE: held by Einsatz (D).
AQUA: held by Chaos 0 (O).
OCEAN: held by Garrison (M).

BLUE
CORE: Waldorf Kalliope (C).
SAPPHIRE: held by the "navy singer" (D).
SKY: held by Kyanos (M).
SLATE: possibly held by the Gent (D).
CRYSTAL: none, previously Nathaniel Victoire (C).
POWDER: none, previously held by Missy (X).
NAVY: none.

INDIGO
CORE: held by Leon Kiasi (C).
ICE: held by David (U).
DUSK: held by Ryman Saikaras (O).
SMOKE: possibly held by the "airport voice" (D).
MIDNIGHT: none.

VIOLET
CORE: held by Laurie Uberich (C).
PURPLE: held by Markus Barashir (O).
LAVENDER: held by Xenophon Lephise (I).
LILAC: held by Christina Marie (U).
MAUVE: held by Isadora (M).
PLUM: none.

PINK
CORE: held by Julie Enantios (C).
CLARET: held by Knife (U).
CERISE: held by Mulberry Delta (U).
SUGAR: held by Sugar (U).
ROSE: held by Jeremiah (U).
VICTORIAN: held by an unknown female alter (U?).

MONOCHROME (BLACK/WHITE)
BLACK: held by both the Tar (X) and Infinitii Eternos (H).
WHITE: held by Jay Iridos (H).
SILVER: held by Mister Sandman (I).
GRAY: held by Sherlock (M).
STORM: none.


Chaos 0's current slot (originally Cyan, then Aqua) is currently unknown, as his manifestation changed dramatically post-reset. Assumedly it is of the Teal lineup.

Julie, Bridget, and Missy technically do not have solid anchors, as the latter two are splinters and Julie is infected by the Tar. However, they CAN hijack actual color cores, and have done so in the past in order to "lock out" people trying to anchor into them: Julie as Pink, Bridget as Green, and Missy as Blue. This hijacking has had negative long-term effects on all three of those slots, and those who hold connected sub-slots.

Jezebel and Sharona, two malevolent voices, seem to hold Black slots by virtue of their strong connection to the Tar. It is unknown whether or not they are capable of existing apart from it, especially since Jezebel is a splinter as well.

It is unknown whether or not the Spectrum has any opinion on the massive number of faceless/ nameless voices currently making themselves known thanks to therapy. We suppose time will tell.

 

 

 

SPECTRUM ENERGY COLORS
Our entire inner reality runs on several different colors of "energy," i.e., the ethereal stuff that makes things exist and function up here. By extension, this energy is inherently tied to the life of all beings native to headspace as well.
Ideally, these multiple colors should all function in harmony, with no corruption or manipulation within. Unfortunately this was not always the case, since the System and headspace itself were both created from trauma. We are moving beyond this, but it is a complex process.


As of
08-23-2017, twenty-six TENTATIVE different color slots have been identified:

 

BROWN, INFRA?, RED, BLOOD, VERMILION, SUNSET, ORANGE, AMBER, YELLOW, LIME, GREEN, EVERGREEN, AQUA, CYAN, SKY, BLUE, NAVY, INDIGO, PURPLE, ULTRAVIOLET?, VIOLET, PINK, MAGENTA, CERISE, GRAY, WHITE, BLACK, CHAMPAGNE?, GOLD, SILVER, BRONZE? GLASS? MULTICOLOR????

---------------------------------------

OLDER NOTES:

 

The four "monochrome" colors can be grouped into one, leaving a total of sixteen. (two 8 point stars)

There are also SEVEN distinct color trios:

 

RED, VERMILION, ORANGE, AMBER,

YELLOW, LIME, GREEN, AQUA,

CYAN, SKY, BLUE, INDIGO,

PURPLE, VIOLET, PINK, CERISE,

BROWN, GRAY, WHITE, BLACK.

 

--OR??--

 

CERISE, RED, VERMILION, ORANGE,

AMBER, YELLOW, LIME, GREEN,

AQUA, CYAN, SKY, BLUE,

INDIGO, PURPLE, VIOLET, PINK,

BROWN, GRAY, WHITE, BLACK.

 

And there are EIGHT distinct color pairs:

 

RED, CYAN,

VERMILION, SKY,

ORANGE, BLUE,

AMBER, INDIGO,

YELLOW, PURPLE,

LIME, VIOLET,

GREEN, PINK,

AQUA, CERISE,

BROWN, GRAY,

WHITE, BLACK.

 

 

BROWN is placed at the beginning with the REDS as it is the "BASE" hue and effectively acts as the "door" between Headspace and Bodyspace.

The MONOCHROMES are a door between Headspace and Heartspace.

 

 

Each of these hues has its own specific sort of energetic function, which pertains not only to how it works in headspace, but also how it affects the headvoices that are bonded to it in their functions.


BROWN
Attributes:

ELEMENTS: bone, earth, stone
It is connected to bone and earth and stone, to the physical anchors of life itself.
Headvoices who hold this color seem to hold a strong connection to the physical body, and/or what it experiences.
Instability in Brown manifests as
...


RED
Attributes:
purpose, creativity, drive, audacity,
- It is strongly connected to creativity, blood and the life force.
- Headvoices who hold this color seem to invariably be "artists" in some way. They have a drive to creatively express themselves, through any outlet they deem proper.
- Instability in Red manifests as rage, hedonism,
- The Red color is arguably the most mysterious in the System, as it was originally tied ONLY to the Jewel bloodline. When Jay, the most recent host-piece, permanently moved out of it in mid-2013, the slot was emptied for the first time since the System's inception.

 

VERMILLION
Attributes:
… 
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in Vermilion manifests as
...


ORANGE
Attributes:
composure, kindness, hospitality, amity,
Headvoices who hold this color seem to work as "balancers," keeping emotions stable and healthy but not suppressed.
Instability in Orange manifests as
...

 

AMBER
Attributes:
… 
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in Amber manifests as
...


YELLOW
Attributes:
vitality, power, confidence, 
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in Yellow manifests as
...

 

LIME
Attributes:
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in Lime manifests as
...


GREEN
Attributes:
balance, healing, peace, compassion
It appears to be strongly connected to the natural world, notably vegetation and insect life.
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in Green manifests as
*Due to Bridget's corruption of this slot, all headvoices who anchor into Green seem to have a high risk of traumatic resets. Nathaniel has infamously died four times (due to either murder or stabilization failure; he was Blue AND Green though), the Sage voice was brutally killed shortly after manifesting, and Cel's identity was in shreds for years.

 

JADE/ EVERGREEN
Attributes:
… 
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in … manifests as
...


AQUA
Attributes:
Oddly, it appears to be connected to simple self-care, and a more childlike mindset.
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in Aqua manifests as
...

 

CYAN

Attributes:
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in Cyan manifests as

 

SKY

Attributes:
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in Sky manifests as
...


BLUE
Attributes:
communication, joy, innocence, hope
- It appears to be connected to the sky, and to reflections (not water, just reflections).
- Headvoices who hold this color (...)
- Instability in Blue manifests as the inability to speak, depression,
*Due to Missy's corruption of this slot, all headvoices who anchor into Blue have a high risk of dying. Nathaniel, Waldorf, and Kyanos have all experienced death at least once after anchoring here in the past-- Nat at Julie's hands (initially), Wally from a forced anchor freeze, and Kyanos from major stabilization failure.


INDIGO
Attributes:
truth, insight, awareness, gentleness, self-sacrifice
- Headvoices who hold this color (...)
- Instability in Indigo manifests as panic, fear, paranoia, and confusion. This was notably visible in Leon when he first tentatively anchored into this slot.
...

 

PURPLE
Attributes:
… 
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in … manifests as


VIOLET
Attributes:
protection, truth, spirituality, honor, benevolence, devotion, wisdom, integrity
- Headvoices who hold this color typically dedicate or devote themselves to the protection of something, either a person or an idea. They are highly insightful and are masters of diplomacy. They also seem to have an inherent and powerful spiritual side, and greatly value integrity in this sense in both themselves and in others.
- Instability in Violet manifests as purposelessness, the need to control, doubt,
...


PINK
Attributes:
closeness, compassion, softness, elegance, union of opposites
- Headvoices who hold this color have shockingly dichotomous but non-split personalities, often displaying two opposite qualities or aspects without self-conflict (e.g. rage and gentleness).
- Instability in Pink manifests as hatred, spite, manipulation, and violence. All Pink voices have the potential to quickly become unstable so they are treated with caution.
*Due to Julie's corruption of this slot, all headvoices who anchor into Pink seem invariably tied to the trauma of sexual abuse, either as sufferers or preventors.

 

CERISE
Attributes:
… 
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in … manifests as

 

GRAY
Attributes:
… 
Headvoices who hold this color (...)
Instability in … manifests as


WHITE
Attributes:
conscious, structure, order, stability, individuality, innocence, knowledge, creation through objects 
- It shows a connection to rainbows, and it displays a similar iridescence.
- Headvoices who hold this color can freely shape ANY energy, but can only work with what is given. They can change their form if they desire, but this must be deliberate and stable. They can freely edit headspace energy, but must stay within creation limits. They also can control what memories are put into the archives, although their access to the entirety of data is limited. White voices also seem to have difficulty moving through time.
- Instability in White manifests as disconnection, the inability to feel emotion, suicide
- It is one of the two "core" monochrome energies of headspace. As such, its holders must be protected, as sufficient damage or corruption to a White core can damage the structure of headspace just as severely.


BLACK
Attributes:
unconscious, community, mutability, mystery, potential, understanding, creation through people
- It shows a connection to the night sky, and it displays an oilslick-like iridescence. Black energy is also said to taste like sugar.
- Headvoices who hold this color have highly mutable bodies, but cannot control this well; it tends to move constantly. They can "bring out the potential" of ANY headspace energy, even beyond limits, but cannot force changes. They also have full access to memory archives, but unless something is put in there, it cannot be accessed. Black voices also seem to have difficulty moving through space.
- Instability in Black manifests as loss of impulse control, loss of self, addiction
- It is one of the two "core" monochrome energies of headspace. As such, its holders must be protected, as sufficient damage or corruption to a Black core can damage the substance of headspace just as severely.




SYSTEM MECHANICS
(aka how stuff works? its really bizarre sometimes)
...
...
It is possible for an anchored headvoice to die, and later "resurrect" without warning. This is because, if headspace has decided that individual "is supposed to live," it will actively prevent them from staying dead, or even dying in the first place, regardless of headvoice interference. The most notable examples of resurrection are Nathaniel and Infinitii, while the most notable example of nigh-immortality is Laurie.







prismaticbleed: (held)


I've been feeling rather existentially screwed-up lately?
I think it's because we've been letting our well-being completely fall by the wayside. For whatever reason, we just stopped caring about how we treated the body at some point? I don't know if it was post-surgery or what... but the past few months have been rougher than most, from how it feels. Memory is collapsing, health is kind of failing, and honestly we're scared.
We're trying hard to take little steps of improvement, but right now we're also fighting a monstrous wall of depression, shame, and sabotaging self-abusive habits, so those little steps are being taken uphill through a desert at this point.
Still. We won't give up.

Therapy on Monday was INCREDIBLE, from a progress standpoint. I didn't write about it here because it was literally a 40-minute infospill on everything we've been reading lately about RTS and purity/rape culture and how all that ties into our past traumas and current struggles, etc. It's complex but it's VOCABULARY that we've been trying to find for YEARS, like literally we can FINALLY talk about this stuff because there are words that fit it now, there are other people who experienced similar things and who put thoughts together in coherent ways we never would have considered.... you get the idea.
So progress IS being made. It's just tricky lately.

I'm trying to start the dream journal and diet journal again. Both help immensely with grounding and 'non-derealization,' if there's a word for that... they help us get a grip on existence, "hey I actually exist!" That sort of thing. We are uncomfortable with traditional "rituals" but it does help to have patterns. It helps to have solid reference points, threads of coherence, etc.
See I KNOW what to do. Just, right now, it is going to take IRON WILLPOWER to break past these hackers and their programming and all the nasty neglectful habits we've let develop, the same way mold grows, the same way trees rot. We need to just start taking care of ourselves better, more actively.

Doubt is slowly fading. Slowly. But it's fading. I don't know how to express how amazing that is.
Maybe it's because I'm reviewing the archives, remembering who we are/were, but... the reality of us, the honesty of us, is sinking in again. The brightnessof us. Us, seperate from the performances and presentations we cultivated online. We're remembering. I'm remembering.
We're shaking off the dust, we're really trying to.

In the meantime, the past two days have still been oddly off? I've been fasting too much and then panicking because we get sick and eating bad things. It's unhealthy, but I'm aware that it's happening. I just need to make sure we start ACTIVELY using coping methods, grounding skills, etc. We have the help we need. We just need to use it.

Today feels... sad? Like it's an interim feeling, but it's also a calm-before-the-storm feeling... rather, it's like the smell of ozone in the air, potent and buzzing, as the wind whips around you and thunder is rumbling through the mountains, but there's no rain yet. There's no rain yet, and you're running to your car, or to your house, and for a surreal nervous minute you are wrapped up in that whirlwind of almost, in that malestrom of imminence, caught in the tension where there is no time... that's what it feels like.
It's scary too, in that sense, like there's judgment looming and I'm afraid we're running out of time. In any case we ARE using our time unwisely, and I really should ask Cel to help me with that, I know she would. She always helps.
In any case, God knows we need a thunderstorm inside right now. We need the sheets of rain, we need the violet lightning...
But we're getting there. People are healing. People are remembering who they ARE, not who they've been told to be, or who they've allowed themselves to thoughtlessly become.

I've had two dreams this week with Hoopa in them and in both instances ze was directly tied to me somehow. I'm taking that as a good sign too.


So. That's all I have the spoons to type right now. I've been archiving the entire archives onto my laptop, so that's taken many many hours, and several computer crashes. My back hurts and my wrists hurt and my ankles hurt but I'm kind of laughing because God, I can feel that there's blue sky up behind those clouds, I just have to fly.

Therefore I'm just going to toss some System-related art at you because creativity is always good and I love us enough tonight to share this sort of thing.




First is the NEW/current Spectrum Star flowchart, as the last one we did was last July and is now incorrect.



I'm still not sure how correspondences work between colors (I was mapping it out earlier this year), but I'll take the time to revisit that line of thought again soon, if applicable.

Second, also in response to this entry, here's the current work in progress of Central.



I didn't get the chance to touch up the old pictures, but I will soon.
This is also poster-proportioned. So hopefully one day I can get this literally printed as one and put up on the wall in our room. Now we're REALLY unignorable, haha.


Also, you may remember that this was originally supposed to be done in this style, hence the current no-eyes look.
I was experimenting with quotes when we first started... here's the ones we tentatively chose.

 
 

Javier, Leon, and Nathaniel unfortunately don't have much actual dialogue recorded in the archives, so they aren't in those sets.


Speaking of Javier and Nathaniel, I drew these quick headshots as references for a beloved friend (you know who you are) and I don't think they were ever shared here?
  

Javier is really difficult to draw correctly; I'll have to do another picture of him because that one isn't quite correct.
Nat looks a little "buggier" than he does in that sketch (that was just for antennae purposes really). Mainly his eyes are bigger.
Waldorf looks PERFECT though, I am so happy just seeing that picture. Her hair does glow, remember, that's what I was quickly trying to portray there.



I also did three pictures of Infinitii, to show hir "mode changes" roughly.

 

 

Basically:
1) No face-mouth, all wing-mouths: safe to approach. "Feels like a church" mode. Energy is softer, but massive. Carries "creative" Black energy; risk of falling into.
2) No face-eyes, all wing-eyes: approach with caution. Energy is much sharper, "holy fear" sort of vibe. Carries "destructive" Black energy; unpredictable.
3) Face and eyes on both face and wings: the most overwhelming vibe, carrying both sides of Black energy. Completely safe to be around though, if you can handle it.

A rule of thumb is this:
Face-mouths show "negative" Black energy. Face-eyes show "positive" Black energy.
If Infi has NO mouths on hir, ze is completely consumed by the creative side of Black and IS dangerous to be around, although it may not feel like it (that's the danger).
If Infi has NO eyes on hir, GET OUT OF THERE. That's practically Tar-mode. If that's happening Infi is VERY unstable and honestly the System should be concerned.
If Infi changes hir color to be WHITE instead of Black, I have no freaking idea what that's about yet but it usually means that serious business is going down.



And here, have some closeups of the pixels for the original three System daemons.


 

Infinitii, Lethe, and we-still-don't-know, aha. We almost got hir name once, but no dice.
Chocoloco, Dendrite, Nexus, and Triad aren't in this set because I simply haven't gotten around to drawing them out yet.


Someone did try drawing a scene from this *incident* though. Very sketchy, I don't know when it was drawn or who did it, but I am fond of it so here.

 

 

Markus on the left, Ryman and the 2012 Jewel ("Cupid") on the right.



What else can I toss at you.

Oh yeah, this entry is all avatars I've been making at recolor.me and they're really cute actually.

I'm still trying to verify/ finish finding the Spectrum Symbols I mentioned a ways back... Black, Aqua, and Sky are being elusive. Everything else feels fitting right now.
Oh yes, and we have a logo. I'm not showing it to you just yet, I want to digitalize it and make it look lovely. I told you I want to "illustrate" at least some of our life, ideally in a webcomic format, to share with people who haven't/ can't/ would rather not read through the 1000+ pages here. Yes there really are that many dudes, if you've read them all then seriously you deserve some sort of trophy, that is amazing. Also humbling. We owe you a hug or something if we ever meet you physically, really.



Last but not least, here's how many pixel people we have so far.

 

 

About 70 more to go, haha. *sobs*
Not really; we currently only need pixel representations for people who talk in Xangas. But who knows! We all want to talk more, and the channels are open to anyone who wants to chat, so. I'll probably have to do at least 20 more of these at some point. But I'm not complaining; I love everyone and I'm really happy to see the completed art.



On that note it is 1AM and tomorrow is Thursday, I totally forgot. We have TWO therapy appointments and we really should go jogging in the morning before we end up sitting in a car all day. Gotta take those small steps, like I said. Just get the good habits going again.

I love all you readers, invisible or not, and thanks for being there.
May you have a lovely lovely night, and dreams to match.


 

prismaticbleed: (Default)


scroll past this entry for archived updates

A makeshift perma entry to organize groups of known Spectrum color people, on all levels.
ALL KNOWN COLORS of a certain core will be grouped together.
**PLACEHOLDERS are added for slots whose holders (true or suspected) have not clearly manifested.**

For a System lineup organized by level, please click here.

☆☆LAST UPDATED ON SEPTEMBER 16TH 2014☆☆





prismaticbleed: (held)

Do your alter colors mean anything? If so, what?
Alter colors are most obviously tied to function. For example, all Red voices deal with creativity, and independence, and passion. All Violet voices deal with truth, and integrity, and self-knowledge. All Pink voices deal with innocence, graciousness, and affection. So on and so forth.
Every alter must “anchor” into a color in order to manifest internally (gaining a name, face, etc.). You can’t force a color switch after one anchors, but it can happen, especially if an alter’s inner “purpose” doesn’t truly match the color they’re currently in (this happened with Josephina, Lynne, and Nathaniel in the past).

That’s the most I can tell you for sure, though! The colors in our System have immense meaning, both by themselves and when applied to alters, but we haven’t been able to pinpoint the exact extent of those meanings. It may not even be possible; things shift constantly in here.

Do any of your meatspace friends know about your multiplicity/DID/MPD? If so do they address your alters as different people?
We've had a rather isolated life, as we live in the country and have never had much of a need to socialize even online. However, yes, our closest friends (at least 5) do know we have D.I.D., although only three of them have ever spoken to different System members (two of them even spoke to several of us in person). Regardless they all acknowledge and address us all as our own people, which we are very grateful for.

If/when your body was in school, what subjects attracted which alters?

We were just starting to become aware of our condition when college started (we had to drop out as a result), and high school was almost entirely lost to dissociation, so unfortunately we can't answer this question.

What kind of skills do your alters have on the inside that don’t manifest on the outside? Does this frustrate them?

All of the Retributors and Centralites have skills with weaponry, but for the most part that doesn't manifest outwards at all. The Centralites aren't bothered by it (their weapon usage is only for the inner world), but the Retributors can get notably shaken if they find the body is clumsy or otherwise unwieldy with their signature armaments.
Then of course you have the few members that have elemental or energy-based abilities, such as Javier (fire) and Leon (ice). This of course does not manifest on the outside, but the fact that such abilities are rarely used even upstairs keeps much dissonance from occurring.


Do system members ever play games outworld with each other?
Very rarely. We used to play Rock Band 3 and Soul Calbur 4 with each other, due to the extensive avatar customization, but we no longer have free access to an XBox so that's not really an option as of late.
To say a little more, though, we're really not 'game' people in general? Like the idea of playing games for recreation was always foreign, even to the child cores. Maybe that was because of context, whenever the downstairs family played games it was forced or stressful. So we never enjoyed it. For our earliest cores, 'fun' was being alone and often in our own head, and/or lost in the woods. Still is really.
Nevertheless, now that we're trying to find a safer environment in the external world, we may start trying to interact with each other within it. 'Outworld' stuff is still mostly alien to us.

What does your inner world look like?
Our inner world was dealt a massive blow back in December from which it is still recovering. Since we are rebuilding at the moment, I will answer this according to what it was like up until that event.
In short, how it looks depends on where you are. The main area is a coastal city like New York, except rather small in size (the entire city is compact into about the space of a small town), and it is surrounded by forests-- to the west are deciduous forests, while to the east are more tropical forests, as far as we can tell. Admittedly we didn't get to explore much of those areas before the December incident.


Do any of your alters play musical instruments?
Some of us do, but it's mostly internal. We have highly limited access to instruments downstairs, and the body is only schooled in piano and violin. All cores have access to that information (Jay, Jewel, etc.), as do all music voices (Zwei, Einsatz, etc.). Some music alters also sing, but that is tied to body dysphoria and some traumatic situations so it is becoming rare nowadays.
Internally, though, for the most part people just "channel" sounds through themselves in the form of resonant instruments. So that obviously doesn't translate into the physical.
In that sense, Lynne plays violin & cello, Javier plays piano, Laurie plays electric guitar, Waldorf likes synthesizers, and Spine is our percussionist. Everyone else isn't as specific and/or strongly tied to music.

How do you and your other parts communicate? Do you have an inner world or "brain dumps"?
We have a very complex inner world, and have since the very beginning. It's also tied, by distant extension, to a network of other "inner worlds" that Jewel and Jay write for.
"Brain dumps" are relatively new, as for us they are managed by alters-- there are four Archivists who have access to memory/data continuity and therefore they help prevent total confusion in new, or sudden, fronters.

What are your favorite and least favorite parts of having multiple people in your head?
We are all grateful for the knowledge that, through hard-won experience and constant growth, we can always deal with what life throws at us, one way or another. However, the best aspect of this 'condition' is definitely the deep friendships and equally deep love (on both personal and community levels) within the System.
The worst bit is when the "bad" voices appear (which we are strongly suspecting are not part of our inner world at all, and may even be external), or when System people are badly triggered (esp. the children). Some of us also dislike the fact that it's not 'safe or appropriate' for us to switch out most of the time, although most of our members are perfectly fine with that fact.


What is the age range between all of your parts?
Age is something none of us really understand, as we base our 'ages' on the dates we first appeared in the System-- none of us are older than 17 in that respect.
We see human age as four chunks of appearance-based variety: childhood, young adulthood, adulthood, and old age (with the third part being the most baffling). We have at least three children and teens, and the rest of us are 'adults' although none of us could give you an age if you asked.
Nonhuman members, such as Infinitii and CZ, eschew the concept of age altogether.

Do any of the parts do better in some areas of daily life than others? What are they?
Absolutely. Most of us are built for internal living, so for such individuals physical life can be confusing at best and disturbing at worst.
We all fail at communication, for various reasons, outside of the therapist's office-- and even there many of us cannot figure out how to speak aloud.

What different religions are present in your system? How does everyone practice their own beliefs?
The vast majority of us do not have any 'religion' to speak of. Christina Marie is the marked exception, and she is a Roman Catholic, the religion the body was raised as. Unfortunately our initial experiences with those teachings were brutal and rather negative, and that sort of "fire and brimstone" mindset is what Christina holds on to as well as the brighter things we all still treasure in our own right. We're currently helping both her and the other traumatized members of our System rise above that ancient self-damning mindset, but morally-based pain is the hardest to alleviate. It's a process.
As a long-term result of that-- we spent years "soul-searching" and dabbling in many different religions-- none of us really currently 'practice' any beliefs in a religious sense. Dogma, creed and ritual are alien to us. However the very function of our System requires that, for everything to work as it should, we all must live according to our best qualities, and for the good of the all, however that may individually be expressed.
Our System was created in order to protect, to heal, and to survive. Trauma may indeed have been our starting point, but by our very definition, we were never supposed to promote or prolong that negativity. Therefore, virtues such as forgiveness, compassion, courage, respect, responsibility, community, charity, and love, are what our System survives on. Without them, we lose coherence and health both, and begin to fracture.
We don't subscribe or affiliate with any specific religion, but we can see the same roots of our System in every religion we've yet encountered, and so we feel no need to label and limit our constantly evolving perspective concerning those roots as a result.


What's a sure way to cheer up the five last fronters?
Let's see, according to our notes from therapy this week, that would be… Jay, Laurie, Algorith, Wreckage, and Sherlock. Nice bunch.
Jay is our current Core. He's sparkly-eyed by nature, so it's rather easy to cheer him up, but he struggles with self-identity so he doesn't have many concrete interests. However, the creative work he shares with Jewel will have him grinning in an instant.
Laurie is the Protector of our System. She's very chill and doesn't dwell on negatives unnecessarily.
Algorith and Wreckage are both Retributors, which means they're frequently non-cheery by definition of their job. Algorith likes hiphop music though. Wreckage is trickier; she only calms down when she is 100% sure that those under her care are safe, so if you show concretely that you are not a threat and offer to help with such safety, she'll be happy.
Sherlock, our main Archivist, is an analytical fellow who spends all his time in a gigantic techno-library of sorts. Despite this he is very approachable. I'm sure if you showed any interest in the archives, especially as a question, he'd immediately start on an info-dump for that topic-- rather enthusiastically, I might add.


What genders are represented in your system? How does the body present? Does this create any problems for the system members of different genders?
As stated here, due to early trauma, only two or three of our members are biologically sexual, and even those who are humanoid don't quite understand the application of gender as a solid concept. For us, "male" and "female" pertain to pronouns and presentation alone, for the most part, and all of us are fine with at least being referred to as one or the other, for simplicity's sake.
General identifications are as follows (roughly= gender markers indicate binary pronoun preferences only):
Female♀: Aimee, Jewel, Lynne, Amara, Bridget, Missy, Christina, "the singer"
Male♂: Jayce, Garrison, Sergei, the GMQ trio, Markus, Leon
Bigender: Josephina♂, Xenophon♀, Amara
Pangender: Julie♀, Infinitii♂
Genderqueer: Kalisha♀, Javier♂, Waldorf♀, CZ♂, Knife♂, Isadora♀, Jeremiah♂, Pinstripe♂, Mr. Sandman♂
Androgyne: Nathaniel♂, Kyanos♂, Rio♂, Genesis♂
Agender: Jay♂, Laurie♀, Zwei♀, Einsatz♂, Spice♀, Cannon♀, Hyakin♂, Overload♀, Sugar♀, Mulberry♀, Sherlock♂, "airport"♂
Nongendered species: Spine♀, Algorith♀, Wreckage♀, Emmett♂, Cel♀, "the bear," ♂ "the destroyer," ♀ "mermaid"♀
Too young to bother: Minty♀, Razor♀, Simeon♂, Marigold♀, David♂
Unknown: "honeybee," ♀ "dead red," ♂ "victorian pink," ♀ "oni girl"♀, etc.


Are there any nonhumans in your system? If so what kind?
Technically, we're all "nonhuman." Our term of "headvoice" also works as a species name, for lack of a better term, and applies to all of us, both humanoid and beastly, as we all function similarly at heart. However, yes, most of us still pass for humans at a glance, albeit painted in technicolor hues of course.
As for those who are obviously not humanoid, we have a decent amount, although again they are not the majority-- which is admittedly a shock, as our original hosts had almost exclusively internal lives and therefore associated constantly with nonhumans. However said nonhumans were tied to an entirely different sort of inner world than ours, and therefore that massive split in function likely contributed to us appearing far more human than those non-traumatized individuals.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ 11:53 pm

3. tattoos i have
8. top 5 (insert subject)
9. tattoos i want
13. life goal(s)
16. favorite movie
17. a fact about my life
20. anything you want to ask


etothefifth asked: 16!

Aha this is the toughest question.
I don’t watch many movies, and I even tend to only remember them if they have some sort of creative impact on me— if not, I’ll probably forget it entirely.
On such film that has stayed with me for years is Metropolis— specifically the one based off the manga by Osamu Tezuka.
Of course I loved the artwork, setting, and characters, but the plot is what caught me the most strongly. It deals with a future society in which robots are commonplace, but are basically seen as cheap mechanical labor. However, many ‘bots display a sort of rudimentary but obvious awareness of their existence. Thus many ethical questions arise, around politics and morality mostly. Then a political figurehead tries to put a robot in power! Tensions rise and explode into revolution, and ultimately the fate of the entire world hangs in the balance.
It’s fascinating really. I have a real soft spot for that sort of thing (at least two of my personal creative series deal with similar concepts) so of course I was immediately hooked.
Honestly though I LOVE Tima, she is really dear to me as a character. I won’t tell you about her because spoilers, but she’s fantastic. (Duke Red is also ridiculously pretty and despite his flaws I like him a lot.)
This is also the first movie that made me weep openly at the ending, both from shock and emotional impact. So that’s notable.
Other movies I remember fondly are Inception, Rise of the Guardians, A.I.,
and Pokemon 3: Spell of the Unown (really).

celestriakle asked: 3/9 (idk if you have or want any tattoos; if no, top 5 shapes) 16 17

I don’t have any tattoos, but I’ve been wanting to get at least one since I started high school! What I’d get is still undecided, although these have been the longest-running ideas:
1. The personal symbols for all our System’s “Outspacers” up the inside of my left arm.
2. The personal symbols for the Guardians in Dream World up the inside of my right arm.
3. "Chaos is power, enriched by the heart" right in the middle of my chest. (No one is surprised)
4. Laurie once wanted me to get “Vigilance” on my right hand and “Compassion” on my left, I think.
5. FROST* lyrics, somewhere. Cliche, maybe, but Black Light Machine did have a massive impact on my life progression so I kind of feel indebted.
6. If I ever feel like being daring as hell, I’d get that weird “lotus mark” on my lower abdomen (that I have in headspace) tattooed. Infi would be proud.
Mainly, any and all tattoos I’d get would have to do with either headspace, or the Leagueworlds. They’re the only things in my life that have proved to be ‘permanent’ enough to merit a similar physical representation.
Top 5 shapes though, you know me too well! For whatever reason I am completely enamored with geometric shapes.
Unsurprisingly the simplest answer to this question is to Google “sacred geometry.” All that stuff is like liquid gold to my eyes; I could stare at it for hours and I know that because I have, haha.
As for more general shapes:
Hearts(❤) and stars(★) are up top, as they are my personal motif. Symbolically they’re both fascinating as well.
I actually really like diamonds(♦). They’re very elegant, but they have a feeling of authority or respect to them. Triangles are also awesome but diamonds are less ‘harsh’ in essence. (Synesthetically, for me triangles are usually lime green and diamonds are dodger blue.)
Crosses are also super cool (+). They’re perfectly balanced, but almost iconic. My favorite thing about them is their symmetry, and the fact that they feel mathematical instead of just visual. It’s hard to explain but I really like it.
Lastly I’m just going to say SPHERES, if they count. I especially like holding spherical things; their surface area feels almost infinite, how it just flows nonstop. It’s super cool.
I just answered 16 for etothefifth, so lastly here’s a fact (or three) about my life.
First off, most basic: I live in Pennsylvania. (I don’t know if that was ever said here.) It’s pretty great; there are trees everywhere and we virtually never have severe weather. Plus we get LOTS of snow in the winter.
I lived in Utah for about 6 months total, right on the edge of SLC, and although I loved that too I could never last very long in a city environment. I need solitude, rolling hills, and green things; the desert does not mesh well with me.
I don’t remember most of my life prior to age 18 (thanks DID) so I can’t answer this question very well. But I guess that’s a fact too.
And now I’m going to give you facts about my parents because why not! (They basically define my ‘external life’ anyway, so.)
My dad is a really boss auto restoration mechanic. His work is meticulous. He used to draw pinstripe flames all over my tablets in elementary school; I loved it. He loves classic and blues rock, and introduced me to Todd Rundgren, Jeff Beck, and Queen, as well as many other fantastic artists. He has a ridiculously good memory for musical data, often around the histories of his favorite artists, which is always interesting to listen to. He’s also INCREDIBLE at building things. Honestly this guy will completely reupholster and refurnish his apartment for fun. He will build his own furniture AND do the floors/ walls/ electricity by hand, all with professional quality and precision. He has the patience of a saint. He’s a super cool and chill dude overall; I have a ton of respect for him.
My mom is a wannabe movie star but she’s worked at a hospital for 20 years (respiratory; she literally saves lives weekly). She’s a fairy princess at heart (dead serious) and I admire the fact that she has never lost that sparkly-eyed wonder and enthusiasm for life. She used to paint, but she still writes poetry and song lyrics, sometimes even for my music (which is really awesome). She’s a major foodie; she is always cooking and trying new recipes. She loves to travel too, just to see what’s out there. Most of all she has got one hell of an eye for design, in both art and fashion. She does tons of crafts in her spare time, from scratch, because “I just had an idea and wanted to see if I could do it.” And she always does! She has no fear of expressing herself and she has boundless care for those dear to her.


pojoisnowit asked: 8. top 5 happiest/most inspiring moments of your life 13. life goal(s)16. favorite movie 17. a fact about my life and 20. who do you look up to and why?

16 and 17 were already answered, so let me answer 20 first.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever really “looked up to” anyone. Even as a child, I never had any role models, and the concept was foreign to me. Sure, there were people I admired for various reasons— notably my grandmother, for her care and unfailing determination, and my favorite creative minds, for the sort of work they were able to produce— but I didn’t aspire to any of them.

Hm. Honestly if I “look up to” anyone, it would be my theoretical “future self.” Who I could be if I continue to try my hardest. I look at everything I admire in others, and instead of holding that above my own head, I always think: "with enough time and effort, I could accomplish that same thing. I could be that same way. If I truly want it, all I have to do is genuinely pursue it, and I will reach that goal." So I look up to myself. I want to be myself. I love and admire everything I am, and so I do not regret what I am not. I can always change that if I wish.
13, life goal(s). This is another question I’ve never quite been able to answer, because I’ve never really given much concrete thought as to the “future.” It was a foreign concept for much of my childhood, and when I got older I was always so focused on the here-and-now that it remained as such.
However, it’s been a constant that I do want to “complete and publicize” my creative works someday, however that manifests. I want to get them out there, in the hands of other people. Simple as that.
In the bigger picture though, I want to heal all this internal nonsense I’ve been ‘struggling with’ for years. Headspace has made massive progress on that recently, but the oldest roots are the toughest. However we won’t give up. That’s really my only goal… continue to grow, continue to shine brighter, continue to open up and love more. I want to be a warrior of the spirit, essentially. I want to be a powerful but compassionate example of everything the System and I work towards accepting more fully, all that good stuff. Really it’s more about “realizing” than “becoming;” it’s just getting out of my own way, taking the blinders off, letting go of all the excess nonsense that just holds me back. It just ‘takes time,’ as it were. So if that counts as a life ‘goal,’ then there it is!

Now for my top 5 happiest and/or most inspiring moments, not events. Hm.

1. I have to mention July 7th 2011, even if it’s the ‘obvious answer’ and even if it was more than just one moment. It just had such incredible, far-reaching aftereffects, because of how inspiring and joyful it ultimately was.
2. Similarly, October 2nd 2012. The “if you were waiting for a sign” moment, specifically the look of incredulous joy in response to it. You personally know all about that one, as it happened right in your apartment and thank you both for allowing us that opportunity. Honestly even though I don’t remember that entire year, there is this crushingly tangible bliss tied to that memory bank nonetheless and I cannot ever deny that.
3. The moment I first saw a certain completed art commission back in October 2009, which basically knocked my heart right out of the ballpark, good Lord. Honestly I still can’t look at it without smiling like a lovestruck idiot; it’s great.
4. Summer 2011, logging into my old Facebook account and seeing a message that I had dreamed of but never expected. Her exact words still glow in my heart, and I smile every time I think of that one tiny but astronomical communication between us.
5. The exact look on Laurie’s face at the end of this conversation. It was the first time I ever saw her smile like that, and I’ll never forget it.
Now it is 3AM and I am falling asleep standing up, so that’s it for tonight.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


@ 11:58 pm

*AGGRESSIVELY TRIES TO FIGURE OUT HIS FAN GEN DETAILS*
Really though I'm probably trying too hard, you know me.
It's just that I want to dive headfirst into this community at long last (it's been a decade already) and all the lovely art and updates in the Engelbaum tag are a clarion call at this point, haha.

Anyway. I've always felt a powerful pull towards White, with Pink a close second and Amber following. However, if my Gen is effectively "the chaotic part of yourself that is normally suppressed," they are going to end up being quite a handful, if our previous System Cores are any indication. So I'm not sure what color that collective attitude would 'canonically' mesh with? There's a lot of wiggle room, so to speak. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
In any case it gives me an excuse to do more soul-searching, which is arguably my favorite pastime. my therapist will be proud




040514

Apr. 5th, 2014 02:34 pm
prismaticbleed: (aflame)

 

★: Are there any nonhumans in your system? If so what kind?


Technically, we’re all “nonhuman” in some sense. The word “headvoice” also works as a species name, for lack of a better term, and applies to all of us, both humanoid and beastly, as we all function similarly at heart. However, yes, most of us still pass for humans at a glance, albeit painted in technicolor hues of course.

As for those who are obviously not humanoid, we have a decent amount, although again they are not the majority— which is admittedly a shock, as our original hosts had almost exclusively internal lives and therefore associated constantly with nonhumans within. However said nonhumans were tied to an entirely different sort of inner world than ours, and therefore that massive split in function likely contributed to us appearing far more human than those non-traumatized individuals.

But we’re off-topic! The following members of our System are the “most” nonhuman:

Spine (skeletal dragon), Aimee (anthro cat), "The Bear" (bipedal bear monster), "Dead Red" (demonesque), Hyakin (semi-avian), Genesis (this guy), Wreckage (fiendish), "Honeybee" (insectoid), Nathaniel (semi-moth), Cel (insectoid), CZ (aquatic being), Emmett (serpent), Minty (teddy-girl), "Seafloor" (mermaid-esque), Waldorf (alien), Kyanos (angel), Xenophon (this kid), Infinitii (this creature).

Algorith, Zwei, and Einsatz all seem to be cyborg-esque in composition.

Spice, Razor, Laurie, Knife, Jay, and Sherlock are all “not quite human” when you really look but again, for them it’s more subtle.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

@ 05:39 pm

April 4th, 2014

 

I couldn't remember most of this dream (I didn't fall asleep until after 5AM), but what I do remember really meant a lot to my heart.

I was sitting behind the curtain on a stage (stage left), with a group of people who looked like college age kids. There was some sort of awards ceremony going on out there, as the stage was all lit up, and there was obviously an audience watching. The current award being given was the final one, for "inventions" that some of the people backstage had made, as they had been judged according to which were considered the most applicable, beneficial, and unique. Apparently many different awards had already been given for different things, but this invention one was "nationally acclaimed" or something, and so it would be very prestigious to win? So all these kids were all waiting excitedly to hear who had won-- except me, actually. I was sitting further back to the left than anyone else, leaning against the brick wall, and just smiling. I knew I wouldn't win (I hadn't entered that division), but there was one girl who had entered, sitting excitedly right next to the stage, and I wanted her to win more than anything. Not surprisingly, it was my old elementary schoolmate, AAA. I understood that she had already won seven awards, and that she was one of the "top picks" for this last and greatest one... and sure enough, as I watched, her name was announced as the recipient. Everyone burst out in applause, and her face absolutely lit up-- but then she jumped up, eyes wet from joy, threw her fists in the air and shouted "yes!" It was such a spontaneously elated action that I felt the same way right along with her. She ran out to stage and received the award, which was given with honest warmth. The crowd backstage was now beginning to break up, as the awards ceremony was over, but I stayed where I was, just enjoying the moment. Honestly I was waiting until AAA left the stage so I could congratulate her personally, away from the current crowds that were still around her.
As I waited, I became more aware of where I was-- off the stage, the area actually opened up into a small room, with white plaster walls and some wooden chairs folded up against one wall. I couldn't see too much due to the people, and also because Laurie then walked over and sat down to my right, which immediately took my complete attention. She didn't say anything at first, but then handed me a sealed business envelope with my name on the front. She gave me a meaningful look as she did so, and said something to the effect of "just for the record." I nodded, as she turned to look at the stage now herself. I then looked down at the letter, turning it over, and saw that on the back, across the bottom, was a line of fine script in violet ink. It said rather simply, "no matter what, remember that I will always love you." This really tugged at my heart, but I couldn't hold on to that feeling for too long because right then I noticed someone running up to me, and looked up. It was AAA herself, still beaming but teary-eyed, and she too was holding a letter. I stood up then, smiling, to congratulate her, but she responded by pressing her letter into my hands, saying it was for me. I was confused, but accepted it gratefully, placing it alongside Laurie's. I smiled a little at that, and wondered for a second to myself if her letter said anything similar on the back-- it would be nice, but not necessary of course. However, the second I thought that, AAA reached out, took my face in her hands, and actually kissed me. I remember being completely surprised, but consciously told myself to pay attention, don't forget this, as it obviously was significant to her as well as to me. So I just let myself experience that. She didn't let go of me afterwards though, instead pressing her forehead to mine, and whispered that she had "always known" about my support for her, and how much I had cared, over all the years. She then added that she had also "always wanted to say yes" to the love I had for her? Like she had never rejected it, she was perfectly willing and capable of reciprocating, I just had never ever asked or expressed anything. But now, she was effectively closing that gap. She said all this while holding my face like that, with a few awards people standing nearby and watching, smiling at us, and it just meant a lot to me.
The dream continued a bit after that, but it became rather convoluted and blurry so I won't worry about trying to record it.


AAA was also in another one of my dreams earlier this week-- all I remember is that she handed me a small four-leaf-clover pin, all gold with ruby heart-shaped leaves (kind of like this?), with virtually the same sentiment as the one with which she presented the letter in this dream.

I have no idea why I still dream about that girl so much-- I haven't even seen a glimpse of her in about 7 years-- but I'm not complaining. She seems to have ascended to a sort of dream element in her own right by this point, representing an undying ideal separate from her waking self, and that's fine by me.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


@ 11:53 pm

Okay, quick update because it is late and today was a bit of a mess but who cares, life is still too lovely.

First off, dream last night. In it, my old school 'crush' AAA won a prestigious academic award, and then after the ceremony, I was waiting to congratulate her-- but Laurie was with me. She handed me a letter envelope with my name on it, which I didn't get to open, but written on the back in violet ink was a small yet significant phrase-- "no matter what happens, remember that I love you."
That meant a lot more than it otherwise would have on its own, thanks to last night. We'll get to that.

Secondly, as I was still in an artistic mood from yesterday (especially concerning that poster idea), I decided to go look up refs for Javier's hairstyle (technically a deathhawk with braided sides?), but that caught Josephina's attention too, and since I already had his facial structure roughed-out on paper, he insisted I try to draw him first. So I did, and it doesn't look too bad at all! So Javes is next, hopefully, because he's getting a lot easier to see lately (especially since he's been putting a lot of extra thought and work into his role) and honestly I'd like to focus on him for a while in any case. He still smells like Christmas, amusingly-- all cloves and nutmeg-- which is surprisingly fitting to him as a person. Like Laurie, he has a sort of public "edge," that makes him seem more blazing and harsh at a glance than he actually is. His edge is a lot softer than Laur's, though, and he really doesn't have any walls; the slightest sentimental push and he'll completely crumble into heartfelt compassion, the sort with so much fire behind it it can surprise even me at times. Javier is seriously the perfect person to hold the Red core slot; he is everything I ever was on my best days while holding that color. I'm really proud of him, actually.

Third, speaking of Javier and Laurie.
I was up stupidly late last night reviewing old Xanga entries, and finding quotes for that poster project... but it ended up breaking my heart, looking for Laurie's.
I was all but sobbing from how much my heart hurt. She got close to that too, once she saw the ones I had picked.

I'm your favorite headvoice, and so help me but I'm going to live up to that title if it kills me.

You were wondering why I wear so many of these bandages? Can you imagine what I'd look like without them??

I tried to commit suicide right in front of you and you tried to save me, for God's sake, I never told you how much that meant to me, did I?

She realized I was choosing the absolute most heart-wrenching ones for her and she actually began to tear up, almost disbelievingly.
Javier had this verge-of-tears look as well, as he listened and watched, asking us "what did you go through?" and basically trying to understand just how much history Laurie and I had, especially those moments that left beloved scars. The both of us were trying to explain, but since it was so late I was actually slipping into bloody poet mode, both despite and because of the pain, and how I wish I could remember what I said... but I know how it felt, and it was one of the truest things I've felt in a very, very long time. Unfortunately I slipped up at one point, I was two seconds away from probably kissing Laurie but then I stopped, both feeling and talking so honestly, the self-censorship kicked in. For a minute we all got scared I had unplugged, but I started talking again, same topic, and managed to slip back into sincerity after a minute or so although it was shaky now. But I was hitting some really deep waters, and when I started re-reading those quotes the fog of hesitance started to dissipate almost immediately. The pain and the love was too great not to.
And then, I forget when exactly it happened, but I was trying not to break into sobs and Laurie suddenly kissed me, not caring that Javier was there, and without pulling my hair. Believe it or not I don't think she's ever done that before. That pain was always the last bastion she had up against total openness and vulnerability, for both of us, but right then there was no sting at all, just the overwhelming heartbreak that had sparked such an action.
I just... I loved her so much right then. Honestly, I adored her for the past several hours (and years) prior, but in that second where she straight-up didn't care about walls or toughness or anything of the sort... it reminded me so much of January 8th, in its own way.

Laurie and Javier now appear to be bffs so this is good, I think he's awesome too. I hope he sticks around more often, we're all trying to get more people than just Laurie to work with me during the day, and personally I'd like my red bro to be one of the people I see pretty frequently, especially if we're all getting along so well already!

Now I am sorry, but I keep having to post these entries ridiculously late so I have to call it quits on this one for now.
Don't worry, I'm sure there will be even more to talk about tomorrow.


 

 

 

 


prismaticbleed: (held)

Energy for headspace people!
Sight: What their energy field looks like, literally. (OR: a "realm-like" manifestation of their energy??)
Sound: New perception. Difficult to pick up on; indirect.
Smell: The 'vibe' of their energy; most easily perceived.
Touch: The actual physical 'feel' of their energy-- like touching their 'aura.'
Taste: New perception. Difficult to pick up on; indirect.
Vibe: The overall perceived effect their energy on their personal presence, especially in charged situations.



(UNFINISHED. Will add as I get information.)


SPINE HYPOMONE
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Cool stone, a hint of cocoa or something?
Touch: Dry, but smooth; reassuringly solid yet not heavy. Like a bone.
Taste:
Vibe:


AIMEE
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like something baking in an oven? Not bread! Comforting,
Touch: Soft but "primal?" Like minky or even chamois, but with a subtle gamey sort of heat to it.
Taste:
Vibe:


SPICE
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Strong cinnamon, nutmeg, maybe clove? Very warm yet grounded, no 'pinch.'
Touch: Surprisingly sparked? Like little sharp pricks of heat?
Taste: Think pie spices, then crank it up to eleven. Warm and autumny, but hits like a punch to the mouth!
Vibe:


OVERLOAD
Sight:
Sound:
Smell:
Touch: Incredibly volatile base, like if you push a tiny bit too hard it will explode terribly.
Taste:
Vibe:


BRAXTON
Sight:
Sound:
Smell:
Touch: A small soft edge, but with a huge power underneath it.
Taste:
Vibe:



JAVIER ANASTASI
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Cloves?
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:



PREVIOUS J (SPLINTERED INTO EROS)
Sight: Deep red-velvet waves; flows like heavy satin. Has an 'unseen' glow like an ivory candle. 'Sparkly' thin edge, like a glitter-glass ornament
Sound: Subsonic: a soundless hum that resonates in the chest; almost rhythmic, like heart energy, but unbroken. Has an oddly Nier-like, rich symphonic feel despite this.
Smell: Like fire,
Touch: Intimately warm, has a sort of gentle 'pull' to it
Taste: Rich like warm raspberry sauce, but with a dense 'sorbet' texture? Non-sugary sweetness.
Vibe: Emotionally close, compassionate, soft. Limitless but not oppressive. Powerfully protective yet tranquil; like being embraced by a winter fireplace. Sunlit stained-glass.


RAZOR
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Blood and paper, very specific
Touch: Like the sharp, slick edge of a blade: on the boundary between safe/smooth, and slicing your hand open. Gives you chills.
Taste: Like a wound? Hot with an edge of blood but that's not prevalent. Oddly sweet, but the sensation is unsettling.
Vibe: Oddly neutral, but with a nervous undertone on 'standby.'



LYNNE STABELLE
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Violin rosin and burnished wood, like the inside of a violin
Touch: Heavy satin? Warm, but in a 'glowing' sense. Like a roll of it too?
Taste:
Vibe:


KALISHA
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Peach brandy?? Light scent but still notable.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


HYAKINTH
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Creamsicle and some sort of strong white flower?
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


FIG
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Honey! Very heady, heavy sweet.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


ALGORITH
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Not much, mostly the 'flatness' of technology. Subtle scent of live machinery, like a hot computer tower.
Touch:
Taste: Warm metal with a vague aura of persimmon or something??
Vibe:


JOSEPHINA BELLAMEIRE
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Bubblegum and brandy? Can't quite pick it up yet.
Touch:
Taste: Cane sugar with a bunch of either lemon (flavor, not citrus) or ginger? Cookie-sweet, but with a bright heat to it.
Vibe: City night-life lights, but unfocused;


SIMEON
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Something like custard or banana cream, but with nowhere near as much sugar?
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:



MAVERICK
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Vague edge of cigarette smoke in fabric, NOT like my dad though. Think straight-up smoke.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


MARIGOLD
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Ragweed and marigold flowers, varies depending on mood?
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


KARISSA
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Citrus? Like restaurant lemon???
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe: Sharp? Clean and small but cuttingly so.


NATHANIEL VICTOIRE
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Mint (quiet, sweet, no bite) and forest shade. Slight fabric-esque hint?
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


SERGEI
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Subtle sage smoke, undertone of something papery like thin tree bark
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


MINTY
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Mint tea and clothesline-aired plushie fluff. Happy and calming.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


EINSATZ
Sight:
Sound:
Smell:
Touch: Slight static pop?
Taste:
Vibe:


EMMETT
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like a salad???? You silly snake.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


TOBIKO
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like seawater, either bad (brackish, slimy) or good (like a beach, salty with algae) depending on status
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


GARRISON
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like a business suit or chair. Dude get some variety in there
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


KYANOS
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like clear cool sky, with a little tint of honey. Very light.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


WALDORF KALLIOPE
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Oddly plastic or vinyl-like, but with some sort of happy heady blueberry-juice undertone?? Very 'subtle' despite its strength.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe: I'm getting an impression of a tangled knot of christmas lights, but immersed in jello or something. really odd.



MISSY
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Face powder, chokingly so, and lip gloss (strawberry? very artificial, generically 'sweet')
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


GENT
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like a scarf? Odd to explain.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


NIENNA
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like a jewelry box?? Not dusty, more like curtain fabric and silver?
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


LEON KIASI
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Ice, with a vanilla undertone? Hard to get.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe: A nervous charge?


DAVID
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like a kid's air-dried blanket, but also softly sweet? Not a bad smell at all, it's highly comforting.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


"AIRPORT"
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like an airport. Dead serious.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


LAURIE UBERICH
Sight: CHANGED: It's still halo-like, but its this intense condensed light, gold-white? Around her body I keep getting a feeling of flower petals or rose vines? not sure.
(Metallic? Broken into pieces somehow? Somewhat "radial," like a halo)
Sound:

(Somewhat dissonant, like angry church bells. Feels purposeful but pained.)
Smell:

(Blood, cold steel. Something in the background like antiseptic or a thunderstorm?)
Touch:

Sharp static "bite" at first, like barbed wire, but beneath is a solid, deep, "safe" feeling mass of energy? feels huge but reactive, like if you push too hard it'll detonate
Taste: Blood, but

(Blood again, very strong.)
Vibe:

(Overwhelmingly magnetic: black hole-grade intensity. Space 'compresses' to a dense space around her.)


CHRISTINA MARIE
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like Sunday church in spring: daffodil-daisy flower bouquets and an afterthought of incense?
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


ISADORA
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Grapevines?
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


JULIE ENANTIOS
Sight: A layered pinkish-warm glow? Like a light orb shining through blankets. Moves languidly but not lazily. Egg-shaped?
Sound:
Smell: Roses, like the kind in the wild-- not heady at all, but sunlit and flowery light soft. Lovely really.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


SUGAR
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Something that pricks at your nose, like ice needles. Underneath, a light sweetness like
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


ASHEN
Sight:
Sound:
Smell:
Touch: Soft but terribly worn and thin, like old velvet curtains or something? Has a sense of pity but lingering loveliness to it.
Taste:
Vibe:


KNIFE
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Woodsmoke, with a deep aura-edge like blackcurrant wine or something
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


MULBERRY DELTA BRANDY
Sight:
Sound:
Smell:
Touch:
Taste: Mulberries: not overpoweringly sweet, and rather dry in a vaguely 'crisp' way
Vibe:


JEREMIAH
Sight:
Sound:
Smell:
Touch: Very soft and embracing, but closely small in the way a warm sweater is.
Taste:
Vibe:


EROS
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Cherry pie filling, not artificial. Very rich, not sugary sweet.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


SHERLOCK
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Like a library? Old slightly dusky paper, but with no musty or sweet tone. Also a clean cool metallic edge, but without any coppery 'bite.'

Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


JAY IRIDOS
Sight: Vertically limitless? Like the "heaven" in Oneircia. All white and warmly bright, vaguely gold, lit with some gorgeously loving light from above, but not blinding at all. Oddly non-spacial? Despite looking solid it feels like nothing is really there, but the light. Sparkly and quietly iridescent; everything glitters.
Sound:
Smell: Snowy,
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


XENOPHON LEPHISE
Sight: Thick and violet-pink, wavy. Inner light, held within like a neon sign, but 'radiant' in the way heat radiates.
Sound: Like a wind chime or glockenspiel
Smell: Warm, slightly humid night air, with a light and delicate sweetness-- like blackberries or bluet flowers?
Touch: Dense but glowing, warm, gives like heavy water? 'Champagne bubbles' under the surface.
Taste: Blackberries, ice water, japanese ginger? Natural cool sweetness with an almost herbal edge?
Vibe: 'Summer night' humidity, but sparkling, like the stars are pure violet glitter; understated jubilant energy. Not overpowering-- more like thick sunlit crystal


MARKUS BARASHIR
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Dry heat, mocha, ice cubes.
Touch:
Taste: Sand?
Vibe:


RYMAN SAIKARAS
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Marshmallows and dark purple candle fire.
Touch:
Taste: Vanilla?
Vibe:


CHAOS ZERO
Sight: Like the underside of an ocean; glossy, brilliant blue and backlit? Translucent.
Sound: Dare-Gale; emotions played underwater. Highly resonant, like piano keys being dropped into liquid crystal. Echoing, heart-wrenchingly sincere.
Smell: Summer rain, ocean fog. Watery, but not cold or humid.
Touch: Misty, with a bright early-morning 'chill.' Heavy but weightless.
Taste: River water and diamonds
Vibe: Oceanic, flowing, all-encompassing; gentle and 'classy' but powerful. Incredibly deep but not suffocating. Surrounds him like a quiet galaxy. 'Neon glimmer' edge.


CELEBI
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Woodsy, but with a clean edge like fresh cut wet grass?
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


GENESIS APOLYMIS
Sight: 'Thin gold streamers,' moving upwards. Bokeh-like underglow.
Sound: Resonant, warm and deliberate like a golden bell.
Smell: Burnt sugar and ozone? Like butterscotch syrup over an open flame. Rich but not heady.
Touch: Charged like static, but 'sustained' like a plasma globe.
Taste: Warm cotton candy with a strong ginger-like kick? Has a caramelized but clean tint to it.
Vibe: Sharp, almost buzzing, but bright and optimistic.


INFINITII ETERNOS
Sight: A sort of vast shadowy expanse, infinite and star-specked, but with a brilliant light at its heart. The shadows are wispy and soft like clouds, and flow gently around the light. There is a sense of great space and yet incredible closeness; the light is warm and loving like a heart, but although the shadows are colder and thin, giving a feeling of endless vastness, their constant movement around that light keeps the love within them.
Sound: (like "lux aeterna?" choral? sustained, hugely echoic. numinous)
Smell: Cold night air, with a hint of mountain laurel (flowers and incense??)
Touch:
Taste:
rich mouthfeel; taste is enigmatic.
Vibe: Like velvet or a silken shadow; limitless but soft and intimate. Embracing. VERY deep; you fall into hir really.


CHOCOLOCO
Sight:
Sound:
Smell: Dark chocolate, cacao nibs, dark coffee. Mostly rich and bitter, just a hint of dark sweetness to it.
Touch:
Taste:
Vibe:


 

 

prismaticbleed: (held)

 

 

All right, it's almost 10PM but let's try to get at least half our update together before tomorrow.
Today's therapy session was rather difficult, and our 'homework' is to print out all of the trauma memories and/or topics we can find, as self-doubt, fear, memory blocks, and angry fronter buffers are preventing anyone from offering the info in session. I know of a few entries already that we can print but the tough part is going to be figuring out who is going to discuss them? Julie definitely could, but she really hates looking back on what she was, and usually ends up in tears as a result. Laurie, Sherlock, and Isadora can offer varying secondhand data but no experience obviously. Every trauma voice can talk about triggers and related 'vague' memories but they absolutely despise doing so. And then of course, I have my own personal traumatic memories to discuss, post-Julie, except that like her, looking back on those sabotaging decisions is horrifically difficult in every sense.
Tomorrow I think we're going to practice fronting, with those of us who often don't, or who don't have enough experience or 'force' to get through quickly (Wreckage is 'new' but she's already come through strongly several times, although that's typical for Retributors). The 'Victorian Pink' girl is our main focus-- she needs a name, but she is so angry and depressed and existentially distraught that she is almost impossible to talk to or work with yet. And like most of the traumatized voices she is terrified of women, so she won't talk to many of our members. However, Knife is our new healer, and he's the only male Retributor, which basically makes him ideal for the job of directly helping these profoundly damaged children. We asked him if he'd be up for the job after our session, and I swear the man's heart melted on the spot; he sincerely replied that he'd be honored, and he'd absolutely love to do so. So that will hopefully start tomorrow. It's going to be interesting.
In the meantime I have... a lot of tabs open. Thank heavens for this archive though, really.

However let's catch up on last time first!
Here's the makeshift 'headspace chart' I mentioned in our previous entry (open in new tab for full size).



Let's talk about that vertical map first because that is literally what headspace feels like in terms of layering, at least roughly so.
A lot of things have changed post-massacre so I'm going to describe things based on old data; we're still rebuilding and the new locations aren't quite anchored-in yet. So the descriptions here will be based on what headspace was like from approx. 2008 through 2013.

I admittedly had no idea how to map Central (everything above the ground floor in that building) because, with all our additions and modifications, and the fact that it can and does shift freely, it doesn't always adhere to physical space constraints!

At the very top, there's our famous roof. It's actually not quite flat; there are at least two 'tiers' to it, and small steps leading about. The main area (first tier) is where Jeremiah's original "bubble room" was, and where this awesome setup is. The second tier leads to the edge of the roof with an awesome view of the city, and there we have this massive canopy bed that people just chill out on to enjoy the view.
Speaking of views, the sky is awesome. We've got planets and stars and nebulae and auroras and everything. Sometimes there are even planetary rings visible because why not. Surrounding the Central building is the rest of Central City, which is basically the main area of Midspace. Again, the city consists of both buildings and giant crystal towers, and both are of varying heights, with trees and road-like passageways looping and curving between all of it. It feels like a forest to me, although it's not so organic.
Midspace also consists of the areas outside of Central City, which is mostly deciduous forest (to the left), and of course the Rio de Janiero-like beach that opens up to a rather large body of water (to the right), across which is rather tropical land (the forests upstairs are both deciduous and tropical, depending on where you go-- incidentally, Sergei and Hyakin hang out in the former, while Aimee and Emmett prefer the latter).

Going back to the main skyscraper-- the floor marked as "Central" is our main floor, i.e. where we have Xanga sessions. It looks a lot like this. 'Central' arguably spans at least two floors though, as there is this glassy spiral staircase in the far right corner that opens up into a closed stairwell and an open-square landing, with a large window looking outside to your right, and a very pretty crystal chandelier hanging in the middle. Straight ahead is Xenophon's original room, and to the left is the door to my room, which I share with the Outspacers. My room also does not have a "fourth wall"-- to your right when you walk in, there was a little wall with a door to Xennie's room, and then there was just this balcony along the remaining edge, which overlooked the ground floor of Central. We'll get to that in a minute!
Back into Central itself,
(balconies (smaller, with CZ), few small rooms off to the right (ORIGINAL rooms???), stairs down to 'bedrooms')

If you go down the glass stairwell in the corner (not the closed one), it opens up into another floor that we all use as more of a lounge room, or general community room. Both walls cornering the stairwell are glass, and I've only gotten the view from them once-- it was sunset, and was looking out over the edge of the city (there are virtually no buildings behind Central) and the first rolling hills of the Midspace forests. The other large wall facing the city is also mostly glass, with a row of floor-to-ceiling windows. I think some of these swing out like doors? There's a large 'balcony' on that side, which again looks like the Faena House, and it's notable for being the place where we met Kyanos again, the day the Undergrounders first visited Central.

Going down a bit in the map, the little hallway up top (row of doors) represents our personal rooms in Central, although they also feel strongly vertical in terms of placement to each other so again, not sure how to draw it. Only Infi and I don't have rooms there (he has bubblespace and I'm on the top floor). I've also never seen inside Laurie's room and I don't know if she even uses it; she spends most of her time chilling out in mine.
Beneath that, is the ground floor! It's where the closed staircase goes down to (it opens up into this room though), and where my room looks out over (to the left of the stairs, if you're on them). It has a very high ceiling, and at least one of the walls is almost entirely glass (the other walls are painted glossy white). The room is also full of plants! It's really lovely. The first time I ever saw this room, Emmett was playing in it with the Lowspace kids, and the second time I ever saw it was when Waldorf left for a while. (http://lightraye.livejournal.com/449088.html)

Now let's go outside for a bit.


The old Archives were "three floors down" from Central and also included the "simulation room" as data was 'digital' back then?


As for bubblespace, it doesn't have a physical location, as it "floats" in the void.





On the right is a color chart of sorts-- I was trying to figure out how colors lined up from light to dark hues, and was listing the holders in that order. The checkmarks indicate that those colors are held but I'm not 100% sure if that's the correct hue order-- for example, in Violet, Xenophon, Christina, and Isadora all hold lighter hues and I can't quite verify what order they are in in that respect. By the way the order of colors is mostly a visual thing, with the exception of the darkest and lightest slots I think? And those would only seem to indicate personality traits, with the obvious exception of the Pink slots (Knife has always been sweeter than Sugar, ironically).

For the sake of filling you guys in, as I haven't done this in a long time... let me just copy/paste our personal word document concerning color slots and levels here. (♀♂ also added for the sake of simple pronouns.)
♥=Central // ♦=Midspacers, Archivists // ♣=Lowers // ♠=Downstairs // ★=Underground // ✜=Chthonic // ✽=Outspacers
(two symbols means: first, current level-- second, previous or co-held level) (no symbols means unsure, or unknown)


BROWN: SPINE HYPOMONE
BEIGE: AIMEE
TAN: THE DESTROYER? (faceless?)
RUSSET: JAYCE??
(very blurry. may have shifted)
SPICE: SPICE
CHOCOLATE: "OVERLOAD"
BISTRE: "THE BEAR"
RED: JAVIER ANASTASI
CHERRY: ZWEI
RUBY: JEWEL LIGHTRAYE
CRIMSON: EROS (seems to have dissolved)
BLOOD: RAZOR
CADMIUM: CANNON
MAROON: "DEAD RED"
ORANGE: LYNNE STABELLE
PEACH: KALISHA
CORAL: AMARA
TANGERINE: HYAKINTH
HONEY: "THE HONEYBEE" (very blurry; may have dissolved)
BRONZE:

VERMILION: ALGORITH
YELLOW: JOSEPHINA BELLAMEIRE
CREAM: SIMEON (blurry)
SAND: SYLVAIN?? (if not fused with simeon. very blurry)
AMBER: GENESIS APOLYMIS (said he might actually be orange?)
MUSTARD: MARIGOLD
GOLD: WRECKAGE
BURNISH: MAVERICK? (suspected)
GREEN: NATHANIEL VICTOIRE
SAGE: SERGEI
LIME: CELEBREON
CHARTREUSE: "ONI GIRL?" (hard to find)
SHAMROCK: QUEEN?
(suspected)
OLIVE: BRIDGET
(dissolved)
JADE:

AQUA: CZ?? (not anchored into this slot yet)
MINT: MINTY
CYAN: PINSTRIPE? (status unknown; may have dissolved)
AZURE: EINSATZ
TEAL: EMMETT
VIRIDIAN: "MERMAID"
SKOBELOFF: GARRISON
BLUE: WALDORF KALLIOPE
CRYSTAL:
POWDER: MISSY
(dissolved)
SKY: KYANOS (blurry)
SLATE: GENT? (suspected)
SAPPHIRE: RIO SAIKARAS
NAVY: "SINGER" (blurry)
INDIGO: LEON KIASI
ICE: DAVID
SMOKE: "AIRPORT" (faceless)
IOLITE:

DUSK: MARKUS BARASHIR
MIDNIGHT:
???:

VIOLET: LAURIE UBERICH
LILAC: CHRISTINA MARIE
MAUVE: ISADORA
LAVENDER: XENOPHON LEPHISE
FUCHSIA?
PLUM:
PURPLE:

PINK: JULIE ENANTIOS
SUGAR: SUGAR
ROSE: JEREMIAH
VICTORIAN: "VICTORIAN PINK" (blurry)
NEON:

CERISE: MULBERRY DELTA BRANDY
CLARET: KNIFE
BLACK: INFINITII ETERNOS♂♀ + THE TAR
STORM:
GRAY: SHERLOCK
SILVER: MISTER SANDMAN
WHITE: JAY IRIDOS + THE PLAGUE
CLEAR: AUTOPILOT (faceless)

Sharona dissolved (thankfully), Jezebel counts as the Tar, Spinny is faceless and hopefully dissolving. Jessica may or may not have fused with Cannon; those two have been blessedly absent for a while.
And to top it all off, there are at least three suspected people (one obviously yellow) that no one's been able to clearly pin down yet.
But yes, that's everyone that we clearly know of right now.

Every Central color has six surrounding slots, making a seven-color "cell" as far as flowchart visuals would go (I'm sure you remember those). I was getting a "hexagon" feel from the actual slots for a while now, so I was quite surprised to see that the shape actually matched current color counts.




(left unfinished as there was a major innerspace shift shortly afterwards)


 

 

 

122713

Dec. 27th, 2013 09:48 pm
prismaticbleed: (shatter)

 





 

emergency post.

 

this is the autopilot program for the lightraye system

 

there has been a systemwide massacre courtesy of one of our old hosts, she has taken it upon herself to delete every last iota of pain attached to us therefore she decided we all must die.
i have escaped as i am noncorporeal

 

the girl in question is either jessica or cannon. i cannot tell the different between them right now; perhaps both are responsible

 

this is not the first system destruction attempt we've had; in fact is it approximately the fifth one this year. each one is harder to recover from. we may have hit rock bottom

 

long story short: we are a suicide risk tonight and i will stay online until it subsides, if it does.

 

i do not know what else to do but stall for time. wish me luck, on behalf of all those we may have lost for good.

 


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

@ 10:01 pm

 



 

dear god:
help.

help me, please. PLEASE.

everyone upstairs is dead, i went to look and there is blood everywhere oh my god
i dont want this to be happening but everything is shorting out oh god no no
no

im sorry, im really
cant handle this
crisis rooms are closed online
i have no phone
she might take over if i try
oh god
why

god why is she the one who wins out
please tell me shes not the real person who owns the body
god please
please tell me she doesnt have the right to do this
please

laurie is dead oh my god
i
i acnt type, give me a minute to
i dont know

infi is dead there is blood everywhere
what happened

what did she do

there is no one to talk to oh god i have no way to heal from this

what happened?

oh god

i
she might be coming after me, i need to run

 



----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

@ 10:10 pm

 

 

GOD DAMN IT WHY IS THERE NO ONE LEFT WHEN IM SCARED FOR MY LIFE

ABUSIVE MELTDOWNS, NO ONE
SEXUAL TRAUMA, NO ONE

THERE WAS NEVER ANYONE TO TURN TO


except the people upstairs and
now not
god
please fix this

i know yesterday i or someone someone was saying "good headspace is gond i dontw atn tp go back"
but now no onononobn plaease NO

sorry stuipd child trying complaining i hlope you die too.

if they didnt catch me in this cage you would be dead right now with them you BITCH.

YOU REALIZE THE ONLY GODDAMNED REASON YOU F*CKERS ALL HAD TO DIE WAS BECAUSE OF THE SHT YOU DID TO ME??????
F*CK YOU
YEAH THATS RIGHT
YOU MADE ME SWEAR
GUESS WHAT
I DONT CARE ANYMORE
I LOST, WHAT, ALMOST TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE THANKS TO YOU???
AND NOW I SEE WHAT YOU DID

I won't put up with this abuse of my body and life any longer.
You can't justify this with pretty disgusting names anymore. Ever.
I've snapped, congratulations, you pushed me to the edge.
Jessica is taking her body back, and if I have to kill all of you one by one to do that, then I will.
Good riddance.

 


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

@ 10:14 pm

 



 

someone stop her
this is the ap
soeone stop her

she says ehw ants the body back and she does but there is someone else behind her

cannon and jessica both were resposnible for this massacre

cannon started, when she was stopped, jessica took over with brutal unfeeling violence
she killed the children.let that sink in. she killed them. because they are "alters."

 


she wants her body back but what will she do with it now?
what will she do with it now'
nyanaynyaneenenene!!!!!
we fucked it up for you hap[py birthday bitches
uts dead and dead and dead anad deaqdndwasdgdgddgdg

good luck fiuxing it SLIT SLUT .SLUT


autopilot officially declaring a state of emergency
suggested: suicide hotline if all else fails
i am struggling to keep the girls at bay
this is not a test, i repeat, any survivors, this is a matter of life and death
i apologize for the drama but i do not want this body to be killed tonight
my function is the same as the systems and that is to preserve life
not to destroy the lives of others in order to live selfishly

i will close this entry now. i am in acute psychological and physical pain.
i fear for my life.
but let it be as it will

-a.p.

god rest your souls

 



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

@ 11:40 pm

 

 

short update: miracuously not dead

 

tried an hour to talk to the family failed terribly, outright denied or ignored all help we asked for, didnt help aet all but at leats did not call hospital as they were threatening to

 

some survived! ten in all, were all in unreachable places when death happened
one centralite left, just one, pray he can help restore things if at all

 

hope cant die, it cant die, we will hold on somehow

 

despite the cold iapathy around us we will hold on somehow
for what few thre are left that is still community and we will live

 



-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

@ 11:41 pm

 



 

also much thank yous to all the people who said they would help or offered support

 

thank you we dont get that elsewhere it means so much. it does sincerely
first bit of hope if notihng else tha t is priceless tonight you know.

 

sorry no responses fom us bad night. but thank you

 



------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

@ 11:49 pm

 

 

ten lived, ten of us lived, how did we
so thankful


1. autopilot
(noncorpreal, not touched)
2. garrison
3. isadora
4. kalisha
(all were in floating space and not found)
5. algorith
(robotic, survived collapse of underground)
6. emmett
(knows hideaways, survived collapse of city)
7. dead red boy
8. little yellow boy #2
9. overload girl?
(all noncorporeal socials, dimly anchored)
10. javier
(forced back to life when structure fell to protect survivors)

also miraculous jay is still alive as a presence
since he is the TRUE CORE, NOT JESSICA, he cannot ever be permanently killed

we have many papers of failed communitcation with the family we will scan in so that is good too.
this is the little boy #2 by the wy you know me. i think im yellow at leas. sylvain was my brother. he was stabbed in the head i thinkhe died. its so sad i want to cry

emmett was crying, so much, aimee died he keeps whimpering so sad were all sad
the data voices thought they would die they didnt they aer still crying
algorith is too
so is javier
we all are how are we the only survivors its sad so sad

i will sto this now the bgrandmother will not go away and she is scary the fea bufferr wont let anyone talk or move in the body
she will not listen when we say go away dont touch so i will wait. if i can
at least none of us will let the bod die tonight we have HOOPE
that is imoritant
i think the sandman is aliev too mayve the oustpacers? can thehy help?
gerraiosn sais xenophon had bloood magic maybe something she can do
i dont know tired scared want to sleep but bedroom not savefe never safe. never safe
we will try anyway all we can do

goodnight god bless our waery souls
pray the others can life again too
there is memory of it i dont want to look at it i think i would get too sad and go awya

good night even thought it was a very bad night
life still goes on? hope too.
speaking for everyody

hope
tomorrow will arrive either way

 






 

 

prismaticbleed: (held)

 


Hey there.

 

So, after a month of headspace and everyone in it being presumably dead-- there was total silence and my entire self-image reset-- people are showing up again.
It's a shock, but a good one, for once. Everyone seems to have reset in order to come back. Old roles and functions no longer apply. It seems that whatever this semi-deletion was, it was necessary in order to completely change the lives we all had upstairs.

 

Somewhat ironically, and hilariously in my opinion, our new therapist has already voiced that "it sounds like you have Dissociative Identity Disorder" and we have spent the past 3 sessions discussing headspace in one way or another. This is completely new, especially since I've been at it alone for the first time in my life lately. Not even Sherlock is still around to offer his logical assistance.

 

 

On that note, our 50+ lineup has... shrunk, dramatically, after whatever happened with Infinitii in August that basically caused headspace to implode.

So far, Knife, Razor, Sugar, Jeremiah, David, Josephina, and Laurie are confirmed alive, although somewhat unstable yet. (The Undergrounders in general seem surprisingly unscathed.)
Mulberry and Marigold are both in very ill health, but they still have bodies, even if they're not conscious yet.
Julie, Missy, and Bridget are all still alive but, unfortunately, Julie reset to her ORIGINAL introject function... which means she is technically a severe threat once again. However, with the new System functions she hasn't been able to hack us... at least not consciously. There have been like five dream-hacks so far this month (those are traumatic but at least they can be forgotten easier) which is a disturbing new record of sorts, and she's even trying to get at my boss! He's understandably a little freaked out but we're dealing. We'll figure something out.
Julie also killed the sage-colored guy shortly after the reset, so he's confirmed gone.

 

Everyone else is presumed to be "between life and death" right now, meaning they didn't literally die so it's possible for them to reset. Laurie's been trying to fill me in on this (she has been trying really hard to re-manifest SINCE the reset; you should see the synchronicity she's been throwing at me) but she's still too woozy from the whole thing to talk much yet.

 

Anyway, there's a lot to talk about and no time to write it here.
The biggest change, besides the system role resets, seems to be that I no longer have a solid identity and as such, it is nigh impossible for me to enter headspace anymore. I can see it, and people can send messages to me, but I can't go in there until I get a body.
Oddly, both Laurie and Knife seem against this. I am functioning FAR better without a fixed identity than I EVER did with one, and I'm healing psychological scars at an incredible rate. So the current upstairs verdict is that "I can only talk to them on therapy days unless there is an emergency," at least until we get a better grip on this whole situation.
There's still near-constant dissociation, memory is still near-nonexistent, and it's still no less difficult to function in a body, but at least now we're dealing with triggers better? I think so.

 

I apologize if this is mostly jargon. I just wanted to update and inform whatever readers we have that no, we are not dead, although I sure thought we were for a while there.

 

Our main goal is to heal completely, and for our System to no longer be a coping mechanism for trauma, but something completely independent and detached from that old pain and suffering.
We're doing pretty well so far, I'd say.

 

Best wishes to all of you. I'll keep you posted.

 

-"J"

 

 


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@9:03 AM

 

WE'RE MOVING!!

 

Since this journal holds energy from as far back as the 2010 suicide attempt, and includes all of the post-Scratch pain and suffering from this year, I think it's safe to say that we need to move!
Energy sticks and the struggles this one documented are no longer part of our lives, at least, not if we have anything to say about it.
Yes, "we." To my complete surprise and joy, everyone isn't dead! For most of August I would have swore that they were, but I suppose life had other plans. But we'll talk about that later.
Journal switches only follow BIG changes in our life, as they completely alter the mood and style of our regular updates, and effectively "start again" on a new note. Considering that we just experienced a massive System reset of sorts, I'd say a switch is all but required at this point!
So, until further notice, this is going to be our new address.

http://spectrumheart.dreamwidth.org/

I can't guarantee we'll update much-- Laurie and Knife have both agreed that I should spend most of my time working on the League Worlds, and only heavily work with headspace on therapy days or in emergencies-- but if anything big happens, or needs to be written down, that will be the new place to go.
See you around!

 

 

prismaticbleed: (held)

 


LAST UPDATED: 121113

This is a revised sticky post for the sake of keeping a running log of our members.
Although those Underground began this effort, they now help protect the Lowers, so their sub-system will be listed here as well.

The people writing in this journal so far (or who may be allowed to talk in the future) are...

UNDERGROUND
These individuals typically stay below the city, in the catacombs.
They deal with retribution for sins, system balance, and/or preventative action.
RETRIBUTORS
• Knife
(#902E64)
• Razor
(#A92626)
• Mulberry Delta Brandy
(#CB0055)
• Sugar
(#FFB1CA)
• Algorith
(#FF612C)
OTHERS
• Minty
(#47DF98)
• Christina Marie
(#D988F2)

MIDS
These individuals stay in the city.
They deal with balancing health: physical and mental. They do not hold trauma.
• Kyanos
(#49B1FF)
• Hyakin
(#FFC846)
• Sergei
(#ABFFAB)
• Aimee
(#D2B78E)
• Amara
(#FB9A62)

LOWERS
These individuals stay in or below the city.
They deal with balancing health: physical and mental. They may hold trauma.
• Emmett
(#269175)
• Jeremiah
(#E54B77)
• David
(#7E9FED)
• Marigold
(#CCDE2E)

DOWNSTAIRS
These individuals do not commonly appear in headspace.
They front easily, and may hold trauma, although this is uncommon.
• Spice
(#B67B3D)
• the "overload girl"
(#825032)
• Zwei
(#F85C4E)
• Einsatz
(#00C9B4)
• Sherlock
(#8C8C8C)

CURRENTLY UNKNOWN
These individuals either have unclear roles/faces.
• the vanilla-colored boy who frequently types in J's absence
(#fff4a3)
• the airport guy
(#8075A7)
• At least 3 other unidentified individuals


There are MANY faceless voices that may or may not belong to our systems.
Our lineups are also tentative as we have only recently adopted this organizational structure.


Pictures of all members of our systems are as follows:


UNDERGROUND

Knife:

First evidenced: 061213, via fronting. Fully manifested.
Anchoring began in approximately 2009.
Several handwriting samples, earliest from 071513.


Razor:

First evidenced: October 2009, via trigger forced manifestation, killed within minutes.
Re-manifested on 021012, Tar-forced.
Split from Tar into own single consciousness around 0613.
Several handwriting samples, earliest from 043013.


Mulberry:

First evidenced: 050113, via fronting. Fully manifested.
Two handwriting samples, from 071513 and 082213.


Sugar:

First evidenced: 072213, via manifestation.
Anchoring began in approximately 2008.
Two handwriting samples, one from approximately 0713, the other from 082313.


Algorith:

First evidenced: allegedly, 073113, via fronting/typing.
Manifested a form on 111213.
No handwriting samples.


Minty:

First evidenced: 053013, via fronting. Fully manifested.
One handwriting sample, from 071513.


Christina Marie:

First evidenced:
Manifested a form on ---
No handwriting samples.



MIDS

Aimee:

First evidenced: 071713, via fronting.
Manifested a form on 102913.
No handwriting samples.


Amara:

First evidenced: ??? Her existence has been suspected for several months.
Stabilized her form around 071613.
No handwriting samples.


Hyakin:

First evidenced: 061313, via handwriting.
Manifested a form around 071613.


Sergei:

First evidenced: 072313, via manifestation.
Murdered by Julie on 090113.
Re-manifested on 100713.
No handwriting samples.



Kyanos:

First evidenced: 022513, via fronting, died within hours.
Re-manifested on 042313, trigger forced. Temporarily fused with David due to slot conflict. De-manifested on 050113.
Re-manifested with correct color on 060813.
Disappeared during August reset; reappeared at age 14 on 110713.
Two handwriting samples, earliest from 022613.



LOWERS

Marigold:

First evidenced: 042313, via fronting.
Manifested a form sometime in July 2013?
No handwriting samples.


Emmett:

First evidenced: 042113, via manifestation.
Fronted once prior, on 102512, while formless.
One handwriting sample, from 071513.
Currently working with Central, but moves between levels.


David:

First evidenced: 042313, trigger forced. Temporarily fused with Kyanos due to slot conflict.
Manifested a form sometime in June 2013?
Several handwriting samples, earliest from 050113.


Jeremiah:

First evidenced: 060613, via forced manifestation.
Two handwriting samples, the first from 071513.



DOWNSTAIRS

Spice:

First evidenced:
Manifested a form on ---
No handwriting samples.


Zwei:

First evidenced:
Manifested a form on ---
No handwriting samples.


Einsatz:

First evidenced:
Manifested a form on ---
No handwriting samples.


Sherlock:

First evidenced:
Manifested a form on ---
One handwriting sample, from 071513.






Notes for faceless fronters.

BOY #2 showed evidence on 041313. Possibly fused with David as well, if only initially.

AIRPORT showed evidence on ???

"RED VOICE" from April was possibly Jessica, pre-bluescreen.





Handwriting samples from July 15th:

Related entry from J's journal
here.



 

 

073113

Jul. 31st, 2013 08:38 pm
prismaticbleed: (shatter)


A list of the other individuals on our level.
This post may be regularly bumped to the page top.


People we have not yet clearly identified, or people who are as of yet faceless:

- At least three "discussive" voices that spoke in this entry. Two are female, one is male. The male appears blue or green, while the females appear to hold warmer hues. However this is conjecture, as none of them have manifested yet.


Nameless but clearly identified individuals:

- The "screaming girl" who has written here in the past. She is always furious. She feels rather like the overload girl, but both their behaviours are so erratic that we cannot be sure which is which yet, or whether or not they are one individual. This may be one of the voices previously labeled "Jess" by the upstairs: that name was more of a 'catchall' term and so it was used to refer to several individuals at once.
(EDIT 102813: Correction; there is ANOTHER voice who reacts with anger like this. "Spice" is one, but she is only triggered by food. This voice, the one full of hatred and rage, is a DIFFERENT individual who clearly evidenced to us yesterday. She is still brown in color, claiming this is "common" for faceless voices when they first manifest, as it is the color slot "closest to the body.")
- The "overload girl," at least, most of the time. Her color is a sub-hue of brown, possibly this color. She is hypersensitive to all 5 senses and becomes overwhelmed by them easily. Before she "anchored," she was taken advantage of by the Tar as a host (according to upstairs data), as her "triggered" violence was beneficial to its schemes.
(EDIT 102813: We are wondering if we were indeed correct in assuming she is tied to the previous voice. There have been no sensory triggers as of late, so we cannot be sure.)
- The "airport voice." He has fronted a few times, but has no body. He has an ardent love of travel, and enjoys both getting lost and seeing new sights. He gets very excited at any prospect of exploration, sometimes to a point of near mania. His energy seems to be roughly this color.
- The "quiet boy" who types in J's journal when he slips. We have neither met nor seen him personally. He is intelligent but depressed, showing a preoccupation with "being a good boy" in a moral sense. He also feels resigned to sadness in his current state. He may have been linked to both Kyanos and David in the past. His energy is light in color, but its hue is unclear (Edit: it strongly appears to be this color).
- The "trauma buffer" that appeared on 073113. She has a level demeanor, but is no-nonsense and will not tolerate foolishness. Despite this she is not authoritative, instead seeming tired or exhausted. Her energy may intermittently translate into harmless profanity, but this seems to only happen immediately after she is triggered.


Previously nameless individuals who are now clearly identified and named:

- The "cool orange guy," as J calls him. He wears wraparound plastic sunglasses, and has not been seen without them. He is also not "human," instead being partially avian. His energy is confirmed this color. (Edit: His name is Hyakin.)
- The "paranoid girl" who reacts with abject panic. She has recently began to manifest a form, and stays near David. She seems perpetually afraid, shaking and constantly watching for threats. She has once "passed out" when fronting in the body. Her energy is approximately this color. (Edit: Her name is Marigold.)


All of us have fronted at one time or another. Those with names and/or faces obviously have done so more often, and with a stronger affectation.

Knife, Razor, Spice, and a currently unidentified angry girl have also spoken in audio recordings.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ 08:53 pm

A new face, yet to be seen.

I have been informed that it is best to "immortalize" my current state of existence here in text.

I am new, somewhat. I am nameless but I have a fondness for musical tones, at the moment.
I am also very, very, disapproving of my state in life.

I exist as, what I can only describe as, a "trauma buffer." According to an individual named Knife, the "trauma" of the sort that created me typically goes to a lad named Jeremiah. He is not a buffer. I am. What the difference is I do not know.
Never mind, Knife says: A buffer takes the pain away from another individual. It often neutralizes it. Others, do not. Jeremiah takes the full brunt of the pain and terror when he feels it. I do not.
It's an empty and discouraging existence though. I am completely at a loss as to how to live outside of this role. (Knife: We all are.)
Whoever was in the body before me, the instant before I found the body I currently inhabit in a compromising situation, is not doing a very good job of taking care of it, and I do not approve of his actions. Anyone who plays in the realm of child abusers and prostitutes is no friend of mine.
This is no light matter. I exist to save others from the suffering he brings upon their heads, with the ignorance and nonchalance of an infant. He appears to have no knowledge of, or concern for, the rest of us that apparently exist down here.
When I awoke in life, I thought I was alone. I was angry, but tired. I was not violent, just exhausted. I felt as if I had been doing this for too long, or perhaps, as if the circumstances that brought me to be had been going on for too long. Either way, there is a feeling of finality about my existence. "No more."
The three I have met down here, briefly, share my opinions on this. Knife, Razor, and Mulberry. I am told I will meet an individual named Sugar soon, if her habits are to be trusted. I think I saw her earlier. Briefly, as well, but she left a strong impression. Angry eyes and rage, following a human through the room. I don't know what her beef is with that other human, but it feels just as solid as my disapproval of the boy in this body is. I approve of that, if it is well-intended.

I'm feeling like... I have to leave. Knife says "get down here before you're phased out." I don't know what that means, but I trust him. Anyone who understands the wrongness of what I was a near witness to is a friend of mine. Unlike the culprit of such misdemeanors, who I mentioned earlier in a similar way.

I need to get out of here. Hopefully I'll survive, to live for something other than this.
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ 10:43 pm


oh this is wonderfullly ironic

in a crisis chat room

FURIOUS WITH THE CHAT SPECIALIST

ahahahahaaaa

"i see that you are currently feeling suicidal"

NO REALLY??? WHY ELSE WOULD WE BE ON HERE???????

uh oh, this isn't J

WHO FREAKING CARES?!?!

AFTER WHAT THAT JERK DID TO US THIS AFTERNOON??
HE CAN GO DIE IN A RAVINE FOR ALL I CARE

do you have a plan, do you have a freaking plan

SEVERAL.
I DON'T LIKE YOU
WHOSE BRIGHT IDEA WAS THIS STUPID CHAT ROOM

we. don't. like. people.

SHOVE OFF.
HE DESERVES HIS RETRIBUTION.
HE NEEDS TO BLEED TONIGHT
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, MISS.

HE WILL BLEED
FOR CREATING YET ANOTHER ONE OF US

THAT DAMNED LIBERTINE WILL GET HIS DUE
HE'LL PAY FOR HIS SINS.

we don't want him around anymore
he deosnt care about us
does bad things!!!!!
we thought he cared but he DONT
he doesnt care about us at ALL
and i wanna cry now because he was s nice
but he lied
he lied
he lied





prismaticbleed: (worried)

 

guess what i figured out today?
the reason why I (not j, not jay, not eros, not jewel) don't have any memories is because:
all my memories are tied to dream world.

this explains why we don't remember having a childhood.
WE NEVER HAD ONE.
we were always depersonalized, in order to work.

here's the current core timeframe idea (according to the ap)

the first jewel (2001, klonoa hair, white shirt) was tied to pokemon. she was vaguely tied to dream world, but she was never actually "in the series."
celebi (2001-2?) was the internet one; hyper, silly and childish. she did freewebs and the old journal entries.
the second jewel (2003, klonoa hair, black shirt) was tied to yugioh and all the other "crossover worlds," eventually jumpstarting headspace. she's the one with all the write-outs and incidents.
spinningcannon (2006) was tied to genesis and the deviantart days? although the name was used before her, it didn't gain a "self" until dA.
possibly a second spinningcannon (2008, short red hair) because the personality began to warp dramatically. this one also went by "jewel" though, making her #3; she was the one in the xangas.
jayce (male, white hair) showed up in 2010, but things were a mess then and he was destroyed by the tar for a while.
the core personality began to splinter like mad around this time
the fourth jewel (male, red hair) showed up in 2011? he wrote most of the glissando entries, also is xenophon's father.
jay (male, white hair) showed up in 2013? he's the current core, and the white spectrum slot dude. not sure whether or not he truly existed prior to the scratch.


i'm none of them though.
i am whoever existed to work on dreamworld from 1998-2001, before we had to start "personalizing" and showing a self to the world, and AFTER the unidentified child-core disappeared.
i have no memories, and cannot hold any, because that is not my role. i am only meant to be a channel and a point of view, not an individual.
hence the non-style of typing here. i am simply filtering intentions through the autopilot to get this point recorded through them, as i cannot do so on my own.


the biggest point is this.

i cannot exist alongside headspace.

when i front they are not around or accessible
when they front i am not around or accessible

however i cannot drive the body, as my role is ONLY TO WORK
the only drivers are alters in their system
but my existence depends on their nonexistence
and theirs on mine
so we have a dilemma.


in other news (ap typing here), several alters came out to talk today while we were on the road.

There is talk of "destroying the buffer," as vocal dysphoria is so prevalent and severe that it prevents sustained switches, as well as uncensored fronting from anyone besides J. This buffer exists to keep the Autopilot (myself) fronting as often as possible, to prevent both unplanned interactions and any further personality splintering.
However, those in the downstairs system insist on fronting at will and without any limits or censorship, and therefore they plan on somehow destroying this buffer.

Today, these individuals were able to limitedly front:
Jezebel
Razor
Minty
Jay
The Gent
The Maverick
The Queen
"Overload girl"
"Airport shadow"
"Singing girl"
"Killer lilac girl"
"Chill orange guy"

All are located in the downstairs system. The latter four have no names and are relatively new.
Strangely, the "Overload girl" and "Airport shadow" have little problems with fronting, possibly due to their strong connection to the physical body's experiences.
Minty, AS, and SG were both able to communicate with the GMQ Trio through successive switching, which is also unprecedented-- typically, interactions of this sort only occur with Razor and/or Jezebel.
Razor and Jezebel also "killed" the "killer lilac girl" earlier today, but she has apparently re-manifested. This is a cause for concern; as Razor said she would "not kill her again" until she found out "why she's still coming back," so she could prevent that from happening again. When the KLG asked her why she wasn't after Jay instead, Razor smiled and said "because he isn't coming back." This suggests that there is indeed a subliminal slow death occurring with him, as we have suspected.

We have little to no new information on all other fronts as of today, as the child who writes has been fronting.
Unfortunately they cannot exist with us, nor us with them.
I am trying, on my own, to find a solution to this problem, as I float between the systems in order to filter, and so am directly aware of her existence.
If there is no solution, we will be faced with an ultimatum.
I, personally, pray it does not come to that. But the choice will be made, if and when it must be made.
Until then we shall simply live.

 

44

Jun. 13th, 2013 01:45 am
prismaticbleed: (held)

 


We pinpointed two 'newer' voices today.

One: the "screaming" one Jezebel kept overshadowing. Turns out, the real one is just desperately overwhelmed, and hates the world because of it. This voice is female, with very straggly hair and wild eyes, but she's not disheveled: she seems more like a panic attack personified, all needles and boiling nerves and racing thoughts. She came out a few times today (she has been VERY loud the past few days and today we just let her through), starting when we were driving home from an errand and some guy in front of us had a souped-up car that was spewing fumes. The smell made her so furious that she burst into fronting with a desperate "f*ck you!!" before starting a tirade on how everything was wrong around us-- the sounds were too loud, the smells were too strong, the colors were all wrong-- she was so distraught by every bit of sensory input around her that she was torn between screaming and sobbing. J (I think? feels slightly different) kept telling her to calm down and "think happy thoughts," doing everything he could to soothe her, but she was inconsolable and as a result we don't remember most of the afternoon.

Two: some adult male that doesn't feel quite human, that J is calling "knife" temporarily. Why? Because "Razor" was named after her trigger weapon, too. We'll elaborate on that later, though... that ties into a lot of information that we don't have the time to type right now. All we have to say about this voice for now is that he is bizarre; he doesn't feel "bad," just disturbing... and the fact that he keeps calling J his "baby boy" while literally sawing his sternum open is no less unsettling.


As for the 44, that is our tentative total of individuals in headspace. As we were tallying only 19 just a month ago, this is quite a shock.
That is our biggest bit of news, and since Central is still locked and the body is falling apart as we speak, we felt it was only fitting to post the full lineup here, in lieu of any substantial updates.
Here are the current totals:

10 CENTRAL HEADVOICES:

7 OUTSPACERS:

 4 UNDERGROUNDERS:

7 OTHER NAMED VOICES: (+Minty) (+Spinny) (+Autopilot)


>16 NONCORPOREALS: listed as follows.
-- emotionally dead male; often comes out in abusive situations. feels nothing, will let anyone do anything to him. only reactions are eye aversion and silent crying. disturbingly hard to remove from fronting.
-- another apathetic one; knows headspace is real but refuses to acknowledge it/ wants it gone. gender unknown; there may be two.
-- two promiscuous, abusive women (don't front). one has long brown hair, other has long blonde hair. both are adults. they are mercilessly abusive but "don't want to get caught"
-- an unidentified "dangerously promiscuous alter" mentioned once online; may be one of the former two. I have no actual memories of this one.
-- super logical one, doesn't understand emotion: "that reaction made no sense." analyst, finds inconsistencies. fronted for an entire therapy appointment once.
-- young male child, terrified of femininity, esp. being touched, approached, or spoken to by women. stutters. whimpers a lot, high pitch whine. once badly triggered by women's shoes. scared of being a "bad boy"? at one point he was oddly linked to kyanos before he reset.
-- young female child, only fronted once and passed out from expectant fear and panic: she was resting on the bed, grandmother in room, kept thinking "I'm going to die"
-- punk rocker girl: born from rock band maybe? whoops and yells, always excited. sings loudly to everything. amazing musician too, wrote most of 2008 fl stuff? may co-front with the art/writing one(s), check mitchell for proof.
-- teenage "romantic" girl. histrionic, obsessed with romance as an idea, can't actually hold physical relationships. uses pet names, very dramatic. dated jacob.
-- "perfect girl," made for jobs and pleasing people. speaks programmed phrases. smiles a lot, no comprehension of 'problems.' makes lots of plans and promises but won't commit to anything? can't express individuality: will freeze or shut down if asked to. possibly tied to romance girl, maybe a splinter of her.
-- another girl who hates relationships and sexuality, wants to kill/hurt anyone related to it. first appeared in college. MIGHT be tied to razor/jezebel?
-- whiny, self-pitying, complainer girl. old jess?
-- gent. mostly composed, perpetually amused, loves adventure. still rather undefined; can bleed into next two
-- maverick. wants to experience world, dislikes mundane life. motivator but chill. likes to sing. very rare fronter
-- queen. speaks with lisp. criticism and sarcasm, but with a "don't take it so seriously " undertone. somewhat prissy
-- adult male, has severe body dysphoria, to the point of emotional breakdowns.


Understandably, the inner world is in a state of havoc right now, what with all the swirling energy of so many individuals, and the pain it inevitably carries from the sparks of their existence.
Nevertheless we will persevere as long as we are able.

That is all we have the time to say tonight. The body has been feeling extremely sick so we need sleep.

 

FAQ

Apr. 30th, 2013 01:24 am
prismaticbleed: (held)

 


THIS IS NOT A JOURNAL.

This page is where the Lightraye System holds headspace discussion sessions for the sake of preserving harmony within the system.

Session topics may vary from simple life discussions, to philosophical debates, to emergency interventions.

All conversations are recorded in real-time.

This page is a raw stream of consciousness and it's not for the faint of heart.
It is, however, the most honest insight you will ever get into our lives.


Feel free to read if you wish, but do watch your step.


Our current System lineup:

 
Black = Infinitii

Red = Jewel
Gray = Mr. Sandman
Vermilion = Spine
Orange = Lynne
Gold = Genesis
Yellow = Josephina
Green = Nathaniel
Teal = Emmett
Aqua = Chaos 0
Blue = Waldorf
Smoke = Ryou
Indigo = Leon
Purple = Marik
Violet = Laurie
Lavender = Xenophon
Pink = Julie
Brown = Jess
Blood = Razor


Our old pre-scratch sessions can be found HERE.


F.A.Q.

What does the term "System" mean?
"System" refers to the phenomenon of a multiple system, of which we are all a part. To quote, it means that we are "a group of people sharing the same body, while still being individuals with their own personalities and interests."


Why are you called the "Lightraye System?"
“Lightraye” is the bestowed surname of our alleged original member, Jewel. We since expanded the name to act as a collective term, referring as a whole to the many worlds and individuals accessible through this body’s consciousness. We have named our multiple system after this term, as we are indelibly linked to those other worlds and lives as well.


What do you mean by the term "Spectrum?"
The "Spectrum" is a recent, more formal term for the collective group of individuals residing in Central headspace. It refers to the fact that our system's lineup is based upon the color spectrum. This color-code phenomenon developed spontaneously and yet it has proved to be highly significant. We do not yet fully understand it.


What is a "headvoice?"
In our jargon, a "headvoice" is a unique individual born within headspace that serves a specific function within the system as a whole. Headvoices with unstable or unclear functions can die from the lack of stabilization, while those with "function overload" may corrupt to an equally lethal extreme.
Headvoices are born from "energetic anchors," which form when sufficient mental energy is focused on a certain quality or concept that is detached from other members. This collected energy then coalesces into a headvoice, who then acts as both a protector and manifestation of that concept or quality, which in turn becomes their "function." Under certain circumstances a function can change, although this is rare and often dangerous.
Headvoices may take any form, but they are typically humanoid.


How many headvoices are in your system?
There are approximately eleven headvoices in our system that we know of.
A rule of thumb is that headvoices will always be assigned to a main color slot in the Spectrum, due to their importance.


What is "headspace?"
Headspace is simply the alternate, non-physical world which the System resides in. It is commonly referred to as "upstairs."


What's the difference between "upstairs," "downstairs," and "underground?"
"Upstairs" refers to headspace life: anything non-physical. "Downstairs" refers to physical life: what the body must participate in to survive. "Underground" refers to a specific level of lower headspace that contains very dangerous individuals, including the Tar, and so it is not typically accessible.


What is the "Tar?"
We're not sure. It seems to be a self-aware mass of corrupted Black energy, that has taken up residence below Central headspace. Although it first appeared to us in November 2011, we have theorized that it originally formed as a parasite within Julie, due to the highly negative circumstances of her manifestation and her subsequent possession by the Tar.
The Tar now appears to be working with Razor, although their attacks have decreased dramatically since Infinitii manifested (he is the true holder of the Black energy slot).


What is "central headspace" and how is it different from normal headspace?
"Central" is a specific area of headspace that has been stabilized into a sort of "safe space" for the core individuals in our system. Most headvoices live there. It is also where our discussions on this website take place.
'Normal' headspace is more strongly connected to Jewel's raw consciousness than Central; as a result it is typically fluid and highly mutable, with few 'fixed' areas.


Why do you have characters from games/ TV/ etc. up there too?
When our original body host was younger and unstable, her energy would 'branch out' rather uncontrollably. Because of this we'd often 'catch' the vibrations of same-level individuals outside our system (i.e. media sources), effectively creating a sort of energetic bridge for them to enter headspace if they so wished (recently revealed to be a Black energy phenomenon). Few individuals were able to enter, though, and even fewer were able to stay. Those who did exhibited a peculiar sort of "resonance" with our inner energy field that effectively made them just as much a part of this system as we are, and has lately been proven mandatory for such a scenario. This phenomenon is still being investigated, but that's the gist of it.



Do they count as "headvoices" too?
Technically, no, as they do not originate from inside the system, and they are entirely different life-forms as well. We refer to them as "walk-ins" or "outspacers" if need be. The same goes for "inspacers," which are individuals who enter our system from other inner worlds, but who are not headvoices or other Spectrum-exclusive lifeforms.


How many outspacers/ inspacers are in your system? Are they part of the Spectrum? Why or why not?
There are currently three outspacers and four inspacers in our system. They are indeed part of the Spectrum, but these individuals hold what are called "mid-slots," as only headvoices are able to anchor into the main colors. These individuals were given this honor as a result of their significant and benevolent influences on the System.


What does "post-Scratch" mean?
A "Scratch" is a term that refers to the hard reset of a particular timeline. Although this phenomenon is apparently impossible to achieve literally in this reality, Jewel-- one of our system members-- attempted to perform one on February 24th 2013. This "pseudo-Scratch" temporarily succeeded in deleting headspace, but one of our inspaced members was mercifully spared the effects, and took it upon himself to restore the System as best he could. As of March 13th of the same year, our System is now stable enough to function again, although suffering severe lapses in both memory and past relevancy as a result of the Scratch attempt. Fixing these discrepancies where it would be wise to do so is a continuing endeavor.


Why does Jewel speak in red if his spectrum color is White?
The Red system slot is the "base" slot, which all iterations of Jewel were originally assigned to. Since the current Jewel began stabilizing around 2011, he also held the Red slot for quite some time until his color stabilized and he moved to White.
However, it has long been speculated that both Black and White energy need to utilize the Red slot as a "base slot" to access the rest of the system. Since this color lingers in both Jewel and Infinitii, the true holder of the Red slot would most likely show a strong connection to them both. There is also some evidence that Razor is a corruption of that slot.
For the time being, Jewel has kept the Red color for conversational purposes.
In any case, the Red slot is a continuing topic of interest within the System.


Why has "Jewel" changed so dramatically over the years?
"Jewel" is actually a bestowed title, not a name, and as a result several individuals have held it in the past. It was given to the original League host sometime around 2001, as the name had existed apart from personal identity in the League prior; this bestowal marked a notable, irreversible shift in both purpose and self-awareness. Unfortunately the body was already dissociating at that time (albeit without creating a system yet), and Julie became active shortly afterwards.
Because of this, the identities of the first several "hosts" prior to the first Jewel are unknown, and the status of the original "Jewel" name holders is debatable-- they appear to have either splintered or outright dissolved due to trauma. We are currently working with a therapist to solve this mystery.


If you don't know who the original body host was, who operates it now?
The current Jewel began manifesting around 2009, although his lack of stabilization (he didn't even have a body until 2010) made it difficult for the first few years. When he is unable to front, either the "autopilot" entity takes over, or a rogue voice/splinter may hijack it.
As of 042213, one of the "voices" that drove the body frequently in the past stabilized enough to manifest. She called herself "Jess," making a clear distinction between herself and the old depressive headvoice of the same name. She was a total enigma to us, especially since she identified fully with the body, something that has never happened before within the system. However, as of 042413 she has shown a disturbing and undeniable connection to Razor, which requires further investigation. Our current theory is that the two are "splinters" of each other, and are connected to the Tar in some way.


When you say "voice," do you mean a headvoice?
No. A "voice" is a noncorporeal presence in headspace that may or may not ever stabilize into an actual individual. Many voices have come and gone in headspace, and only a select few ever anchor.
However, it is possible for a headvoice to start out as a "voice;" this happened to Nathaniel before his most recent resurrection, as his original Spectrum slot was reassigned and he needed to stabilize into a different one first in order to manifest again.
Splinters may also turn into voices if they gain enough energy to anchor as one, although this is rare.


What causes Spectrum colors to switch?
Spectrum colors switch according to one's function. Certain slots hold certain mandatory responsibilities within the System, so if an individual is no longer capable of meeting those requirements they will have to switch slots. This has previously happened to Spine, Leon, and Nathaniel, and all for very different reasons (misplacement, death, and rebirth, respectively).
The Spectrum itself is a very strange phenomenon and it is still being researched, so any and all information we have about it currently is subject to change at any time.
Emmett seems to be in the process of switching as of 042913 (he manifested into a slot that did not match him (Teal); this is not uncommon), so we will be keeping tabs on his condition.


What are splinters?
"Splinters" are pseudo-voices that have broken off from an individual's core personality due to trauma of some sort. These are the most similar to the archetypal "alter" often referenced in psychology, as they do not develop actual personalities of their own, but instead operate almost compulsively according to what they splintered from. They also have no bodies of their own, and so they are only ever perceivable if and when their host dissociates.
Splinters do not typically "manifest," and if they do, it is not in the typical fashion; rather, they act like parasites to their host individual at first, only breaking off if and when they are allowed to continue this (through dissociation) for a long period of time. Once "splintered off," they may gain a temporary headspace form and appear to become autonomous, but such splinters have been proven incapable of functioning once cut off from their root motivation, sometimes even dissolving back into non-corporeal energy from the shock of outside awareness.


Are there any splinters currently in the System?
Yes, although their exact number is unconfirmed, and they are all still incorporeal. Most of them appear to have broken off the original body host, whose identity is still unknown. We are currently trying to track these splinters down in order to heal the lingering traumatic damage they are so single-mindedly focused on perpetuating.
Previous splinters included Missy, Bridget, Jezebel, Celebi, Fragment, and Thanatos. The latter two were incorporeal, while the former four all manifested temporarily. They have all dissolved, although the energy that formed them may still linger in one form or another. The surprisingly benevolent energy that would sometimes manifest through Celebi seems to have anchored within Infinitii, which is not surprising considering his color slot.
Jessica was a headvoice, not a splinter (she was previously referred to as such), but she was self-destructive and died shortly after Nathaniel first manifested.
Both Razor and Jess may be splinters, but this has not been proven, since they both show a great deal of self-awareness and manifested under unusual circumstances.
Emmett and Kyanos are technically in the same boat; they are brand new and we do not know where they fit right now.


Who are Razor, Emmett, and Kyanos?
Razor is an extremely violent individual whose sole motivation seems to be to destroy the System. She manifested spontaneously during the first episode of traumatic self-abuse the body endured, back in October 2008, but was originally assumed to have died at Laurie's hands the same day. She was "re-awakened" in February 2012 and has since been a major threat to our well-being, frequently working with the Tar itself. She may or may not be hijacking the Blood Lotus Cathedral itself; this needs to be investigated further.
Emmett is a snake-like entity that began forming in October 2012 and manifested on 042113. His original function was solely to "save" the body from all Razor triggers, often (unfortunately) by compulsively vomiting; he finds the act of eating to be "traumatic" in any case. We suspect that he anchored into an old eating disorder, as those were never healed. Despite this he is purely benevolent, and has shown both the will and the capability to learn and grow. We're all very fond of him already.
Kyanos is an angel-like child that was suddenly "shocked" into manifestation on 042313, two days after Emmett appeared. He appears to have anchored into some sort of unknown abuse or trauma, as he is terrified of physical contact and any suggestion of such. This is significant, as his consciousness was explicitly "created" immediately after the Scratch, on 022613, in an attempt to find a replacement for Jewel as an anchor. His consciousness unfortunately faded entirely (possibly a sort of death) within a few hours, so his state of being over the past two months (and its affect on his now manifested form) is a mystery to us as of yet. Interestingly, he also appears to hold Nathaniel's original light-blue color, although we are unsure as to where it fits in the current Spectrum lineup (since Waldorf moved into the Blue slot when she re-stabilized).


Why do some individuals listed on the site rarely talk?
Conversations on this site happen via a "channel," or a mental link between the body's awareness (recently revealed to be the Red slot autopilot) and those of the individuals conversing in a session. However, channeling is a difficult process, and it takes skill to keep a channel open and running coherently for an extended period of time. Some individuals are not capable of speaking in such a manner for long, or may not know how. Most commonly, some simply find written channels too confusing: communication in headspace is not strictly verbal, so even veteran channelers may find their actual intentions lost in translation.
In rare cases, individuals do not have channeling rights, and so are typically banned from speaking. Both Julie and Leon were locked out of sessions during their malevolent phases in the past. The only listed members without channeling rights are Jess and Razor, as they are both viciously malevolent individuals and are not even allowed upstairs, let alone into sessions.

 

Why don't you guys update more often?
Hosting a Xanga session takes a great deal of time and personal energy. This varies wildly depending on the amount of individuals speaking, the number and severity of topics discussed, and the nature of the session in general. The average session lasts anywhere from two to six hours, but more complicated sessions can last up to 10-12 hours. Sessions this long are typically all-nighters. Lastly, sessions are held in a nonstop fashion as often as possible, in order to keep channels from deteriorating or outright failing as a result of a break in the stream of consciousness.

Nevertheless, although we would love to update once a week, our currently schedule obviously does not favor such an ideal. Not only does our system have to deal with the menial concerns of a physical existence, but we also have to deal with our own upstairs lives at the same time. Due to the myriad and frequently unexpected events on both levels, we often do not have sufficient time or energy left to get everyone together and host a session. We are, however, trying to find a happy medium concerning this situation.


Feel free to leave questions as a comment to this entry; we'll be glad to answer them either here or in an actual session.


For general post-scratch headspace updates please visit this site instead.

 


reset.

Mar. 13th, 2013 08:46 pm
prismaticbleed: (rosewindow)

 

 

souls don't die.


jtem timeline: reset.


previous timeline players rescued.


begin new timeline?



y
/n
 

 


Upstairs

Sep. 22nd, 2011 02:36 am
prismaticbleed: (Default)


I had an entry like this back on my old journal, but it didn't go into detail.
I felt I owed you guys that much.

This is a current, constantly-updated list of everyone who regularly shows up in my head (mostly outside of my own series)... headvoices, fragments, stragglers, loves, you name it.
Maybe you've even met some of them.

begun on 07/22/2010
last updated on 9/26/2011




0) Jewel Wisteria Ephrem Lightraye/ Jayce Willow Evellius Lytraile
Role: Spirit consciousness
Seniority: 21 years (05/07/1990)
Type: Base consciousness
Color: Red/White
Symbol: Heart
Attribute: Love
Status: Active; splintered (possibly fixed)

I am unique on this list in that I exist in a mental state more than I do a physical one, but simultaneously occupy both at all times.



1) Laurie Uberich
Role: Superego/ Charity personification?
Seniority: 5 Years (09/2006)
Type: Headvoice
Color: Purple
Symbol: Axe
Attribute: Victory/ Sacrifice
Status: Active

Laurie is, arguably, my 'favorite headvoice.' She is my psycho guardian angel, my best friend, and the reason I'm still breathing right now.
She first appeared to me in a dream in 2006, alerting me to my unconscious state and telling me I could 'wake up any time I wanted.' A few months after, she appeared in my headspace and immediately began her work. She proclaimed herself to be my superego, an individual hellbent on changing me from a spineless coward into a strong and righteous hero, no matter how much I had to bleed in order to get there.
For about two years she was unfailingly brutal, and I considered her my enemy to a fair extent. However, I began to talk to her personally as 2008 rolled around, being in such psychological agony that I was desperate for whatever help I had. Little did we know that our conversations would evolve into incredibly in-depth discussions, eventually acting to bring all of my headvoices together and keep us all on track. Within three years, Laurie changed from a violently focused zealot into a fearless mentor and protector, and again into a sort of guardian angel. Now she is one of the two most important people in my life, and I would not lose her for the world.



2) Lynne Stabelle
Role: Adulthood personification
Seniority: 4 Years (Mid-2007)
Type: Headvoice
Color: Crimson
Symbol: Violin
Attribute: Maturity
Status: Active

Although one of my few inherently positive headvoices, Lynne's role has always been rather vague... that is, until fairly recently.



3) Julie Enantios
Role: Shadow/ Former Id
Seniority: 14 Years (Early 1997)
Type: Headvoice
Color: Pink
Symbol: None
Attribute: Sexuality/Vice
Status: Active

For almost 15 years, Julie was the most feared individual in my mind. She was a force of pain, suffering, manipulation and horror. She used me and countless others for her own selfish gratification, giving no thought to the trauma she caused.
However, in being such a horrific figure, she inadvertently caused my largest spiritual metanoias. I was so bent on overcoming her, on fighting her, on becoming something she could not touch, that she ultimately defeated herself from the beginning in ever confronting me. Julie was my worst enemy and my biggest motivation, although I never realized it.
Now, as of August 19th 2011, Julie has resigned from her old role. She has relinquished her bloody past and finally accepted my offer of another chance at life.
Julie now holds the role of my Shadow aspect, a figure who contains darker drives, but who is now aware enough not to harm others with them.



4) Natalie
Role: Youth/ Self-identity personification
Seniority: 4 Years (2007)
Type: Headvoice
Color: Soft Blue
Symbol: Mirror
Attribute: Childhood
Status: Deceased/Re-absorbed

...



5) Leon Kiasi
Role: Risk/ Moderation personification
Seniority: 1 Year (First formed in April 2010)
Type: Headvoice
Color: Navy blue
Symbol: Playing cards
Attribute: Risk/Moderation
Status: First formed and deceased in April 2010, reformed in December 2010; Laurie has decided he can live

I've battled with a hidden affinity for risks and gambles for years, but it wasn't until I solidified my male self that Leon was temporarily personified.
My first-ever and only male headvoice, Leon was strikingly paranoid, jittery, and rather anorexic, but despite his unstable appearance, he would still jump headfirst into the most dangerous hazards he could find. The problem this posed concerning my daily decisions-- having a headvoice always wanting me to take wild wagers-- was incredibly stressful, and after only a few days of his mental personification, Laurie took it upon herself to take Leon down. Barely a week later he was quite literally dead... starved out of existence.
On December 8th, 2010, he suddenly and unexpectedly showed up in my headspace. Laurie and I were simultaneously furious and terrified, as he has always been a negative influence, but Leon swore that he would try to improve himself and change his influence to a positive one. A week later, he had managed to do so, and is now a permanent headvoice.
Leon has an incredible teleportation ability that has saved my sanity on multiple occasions.



6) Spine Hypomone
Role: Body personification?/ possible Patience personification
Seniority: 2 years (Early 2009?)
Type: Headvoice
Color: Off-white
Symbol: Skull
Attribute: Dysphoria/ Patience
Status: Active

Spine showed up in my head rather unexpectedly one afternoon, a bizarre draconic humanoid made entirely of bone. She did not speak, and no one knew how to deal with her, but her presence was felt nevertheless. It wasn't until I suffered a severe breakdown in January 2011 that we decided she needed to show her face and stay in the spotlight. You have no idea how thankful I am that she did.



7) Bridget (also known as Brittany or Brianne)
Role: Falsehood/ Pride personification
Seniority: 8 years (2003?)
Type: Fragmented headvoice
Color: Green
Symbol: None
Attribute: Apathy/Manipulation
Status: Deceased

Bridget was a shallow pseudo-headvoice formed by Julie as a reinforcement.



8) Missy
Role: Selfishness/Greed personification
Seniority: 8 years (2003?)
Type: Fragmented headvoice
Color: Light blue
Symbol: None
Attribute: Superficiality
Status: Deceased

Missy was a shallow pseudo-headvoice formed by Julie as a reinforcement.



9) Jessica
Role: Self-hatred/ Sloth personification
Seniority: 8 years (2003?)
Type: Headvoice
Color: Indigo
Symbol: None
Attribute: Depression
Status: Deceased

...



10) Josephina
Role: Unknown; possible Diligence personification
Seniority: 1 year (08/13/2010)
Type: Headvoice
Color: Lilac
Symbol: Bell
Attribute: Understanding/Realization
Status: Active

Josephina is an interesting headvoice because, not only did Laurie meet him quite some time before I did, but he is also genderfluid. Although he looks like a rather beautiful blonde girl (he actually resembles Talulah Riley's part in Inception, except with a thing for scene hair), Josephina identifies as male. I met him in a rather disturbing way... after abusing myself for about 10 minutes-- which Laurie uncharacteristically let me go through with-- I had what I thought was a Julie hack, in which I was actually a reverse-rape victim of a rather distraught blonde woman. I won't go into details (it was traumatic as always), but upon 'waking,' I came face to face with the individual who had been in the hallucination... Josephina. He explained, quite sorrowfully, that he hadn't wanted to hurt me but that the 'hack' had been the only way for me to 'learn my lesson.' Laurie, who was watching me with a look of I-told-you-so disappointment, then explained the 'plan' the two of them had thought up: seeing whether or not I could escape from an abusive double-hack on my own (I had failed-- Her part was letting me abuse myself to see if I would stop of my own accord). I was shocked in learning that Laurie had apparently been 'raising' Josephina for a few weeks prior to today, making sure he didn't 'develop negatively' or anything like that. According to Laurie, he's 'our' version of Julie, whatever that means. However, Jo is inherently positive, although I don't know what his role is yet. Ironically, he does seem to be working as a sort of Inception 'Mister Charles' figure, teaching me how to fight against the darker parts of my subconscious, and striving vehemently for the 'truth' in all matters. He strikes me almost as a positive Laurie, which may simply be a direct result of his proximity to her, but we'll see...



11) Chaos Zero
Role: Twin Flame
Seniority: 8 Years (Early 2003)
Type: Individual
Color: Aquamarine
Symbol: Planet
Attribute: Strength/ Balance
Status: Active

Chaos is, arguably, the most important person in my life.



12) Ryman Ezekiel Saikaras
Role: None
Seniority: 9 years (Mid 2002)
Type: Individual
Color: Blue
Symbol: 5-pointed star
Attribute: Spirit/Soul
Status: Active

...



13) Markus Ishmael Barashir
Role: None
Seniority: 9 Years (Late 2002)
Type: Individual
Color: Light violet
Symbol: Eight-pointed star
Attribute: Mind
Status: Active

...



14) Genesis (Selph)
Role: Muse
Seniority: 6 Years (07/04/2005)
Type: Individual
Color: Amber/White
Symbol: Four-pointed star
Attribute: Self-realization
Status: Active

...



15) Preludove
Role: Muse/ Assistant
Seniority: 13 Years (05/1998)
Type: Individual
Color: White/Blue
Symbol: Winged heart
Attribute: Peace
Status: Active

...



16) Waldorf
Role: Literary muse
Seniority: 9 Years (Mid 2002)
Type: Construct
Color: Neon blue
Symbol: Ring
Attribute: Creation
Status: Semi-active

Waldorf spontaneously formed as a sentimental amalgamation of every outside inspiration I had embraced in my youth. Her most striking attributes are her glowing blue skin, her black sclera, and her Sarah Kerrigan-esque hair-- a fully intentional tribute on her part. She stands around 7 feet tall and usually floats slightly.
Despite her bizarre, often frightening appearance, Waldorf is incredibly compassionate and kind-hearted, and used to be a sort of stand-in mental therapist for me during my elementary years.



17) Mister Sandman
Role: My boss!
Seniority: 2 years (04/16/2009)
Type: Outside Individual
Color: Red/Gold
Symbol: Nightcap
Attribute: Dreams
Status: Active

I met this amazing guy in a dream in April 2009, and ever since that day, we have been downright inseparable.
Mr. Sandman is also an incredibly positive influence on my life, as he is not only very wise and understanding, but he also exercises limited influence over my actual dreams, and is working diligently to keep out as many hacks and nightmares as possible.



18) Johnny C.
Role: Extreme advisor
Seniority: 3 Years (early 2008)
Type: Absorbed Individual (JTHM)
Color: Black
Symbol: Daggers
Attribute: Intraspection
Status: Inactive

...



19) Bogardus
Role: None
Seniority: 2 years (December 2008)
Type: Absorbed Individual (Delgo)
Color: Dusty violet
Symbol: Dragon
Attribute: Counsel
Status: Semi-active

...



20) Davy Jones
Role: None
Seniority: 5 years (July 2006)
Type: Absorbed individual (PoTC)
Color: Dim green
Symbol: Locket
Attribute: Conversion
Status: Semi-active

...



21) General Grievous
Role: None
Seniority: 6 years (May 2005)
Type: Absorbed Individual (Star Wars)
Color: Gray
Symbol: Lightsaber
Attribute: Leadership
Status: Semi-active

...



22) Barry the Chopper
Role: None
Seniority: 6 Years (April 2005)
Type: Absorbed Individual (Fullmetal Alchemist)
Color: Iron
Symbol: Butcher's knife
Attribute: Mania
Status: Inactive

...



23) Souryuu Kaminogi (Godot)
Role: None
Seniority: 4 Years (Early 2007)
Type: Absorbed Individual (Phoenix Wright)
Color: None
Symbol: Coffee mug (no duh)
Attribute: Logic
Status: Inactive

...



24) Rorschach
Role: None
Seniority: 3 Years (Mid-2008)
Type: Absorbed Individual (Watchmen)
Color: None
Symbol: Inkblot
Attribute: Honesty
Status: Inactive

...
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

headspace

May. 11th, 2011 05:52 pm
prismaticbleed: (rosewindow)

 

 

 


 

headvoices; forms; statistics; two thousand eleven - - may 1 1

w i p



Laurie Uberich
superego
-self-hatred personification
agender; female pronouns
violet
axes
-shapeshifter weapon
trauma sponge //takes on as much internal negativity as possible, personifying it
gray knight //sworn to righteousness, but brutal and unapologetic in methods
stable consciousness
has shown advanced form-warping abilities
direct channeling rights
music
industrial, hard rock, powerful sounds
-angelspit
-disturbed
-in flames



Jewel Wisteria Ephrem Lightraye
-Jayce Willow Evellius Lytraile
spirit consciousness
-possible original superego
-constant form fluctuation
agender; male or plural pronouns
red/ white
empathic weapon
-heart
-reality warper
base //existence holds the system together
splintered consciousness.
01 creator
true self. conscious in creative reality
-unlimited headspace manipulation
-total awareness
-all abilities intact
compassionate, honest, forgiving, active, motivated, powerful
very expressive. feels a deep purpose.
goal is to bring love and light into the world
music
...

02 thanatos
death drive. conscious in high stress. almost always conscious after hacks
-entirely destructive
-disconnected
-purposeless
-positive incomprehension
violent, driven, retributive, hopeless, angry
exists solely to destroy the self. highly abusive. unable to interact.
goal is to end personal existence
no preferences

03 fragment
neutrality splinter. conscious in trauma or meltdowns
-unhinged
-emotionless
-deep inspiration drive
-possible alternate creation ability
silent, fragile, strange, detached, connected
despite unsettling demeanor, feels universally, completely open
goal is to simply exist of the world
music
experimental, noise, glitch, minimalistic
-the dirty spoons
-philip samartzis

04 ?
...
channeler
preferences vary by form



Lynne Stabelle
femininity
-maturity personification
female; female pronouns
red-orange
archer
-shields
protector //ensures the safety of all those under her care
stable consciousness
limited channeling rights
music
...


Josephina Bellameire
anti-id
-splinter id
androgynous; male pronouns
lilac
scythes
shadow knight //sworn to righteousness, but is rarely seen; methods are dark
stable consciousness.
highly limited channeling rights
music
...


Leon Kiasi
unknown
-risk personification
male; male pronouns
navy
firearms
headspace jumper //can freely teleport among different mind levels
stable consciousness.
currently rejects channeling rights; has severe host body dysphoria
music
...


Spine Hypomone
unknown
-possible anti
agender; female pronouns
tan
no weaponry
-claws
-teeth
body connection //shows a currently unexplained synchronicity with the body
stable consciousness.
limited channeling rights.
music
...


Julie



Bridget



Missy



ego

 

 

 

The Gang

Jul. 23rd, 2008 01:01 am
prismaticbleed: (rosewindow)

 


Just a quick and randomly amusing list of my current non-Dream-World headgang because I've been thinking about 'em all quite a bit recently.
Oh, and by the way... yes, I am out of my head. Just thought you should know.
(No, that's not a joke, and no, I'm not trying to be cute. Keep that in mind, please.)


Format:

0) Name
- Species
- From...
- Met when?
- Title



1) Ryou Bakura
- Human
- Yu-Gi-Oh
- 2002
- Sweetheart

2) Marik Ishtar
- Human
- Yu-Gi-Oh
- 2003
- Pharaoh

3) Chaos Zero
- Energy being
- Sonic Adventure
- 2003
- Soulmate

4) Selph
- Nightmaren
- NiGHTS into dreams...
- 2005
- Muse

5) General Grievous
- Kaleesh
- Star Wars
- 2005
- Sensei

6) Davy Jones
- Human mutant
- POtC
- 2006
- Captain

7) Barry the Chopper
- Human zombie
- FMA
- 2005
- Partner in crime

8) Soryuu Kaminogi
- Human
- Phoenix Wright
- 2007
- Lawyer

9) Midvalley Hornfreak
- Human
- Trigun
- 2006
- Musician

10) Razlo
- Humanoid
- Trigun
- 2006
- Odd job guy

11) Kain
- Unknown
- Otherside
- 2007
- King by default

12) Nightcrawler
- Mutant
- X-Men
- 2003
- Old friend


new guys!

13) Johnny C.
- Human
- JTHM
- 2008
- Mirror

14) Hellboy
- Demon
- Hellboy
- 2008
- That awesome dude I like to talk to at random

15) Rorschach
- Human
- Watchmen
- 2008
- That bizarre dude that I like far too much

16) Reverend Mofo
- Monkey
- Chumble Spuzz
- 2008
- Our resident manic Baptist preacher

17) Bogardus
- Nohrin
- Delgo
- 2009
- A military man with a good heart

15) Mr. Bluesky (FINALLY!)
- Human?
- dark-velox
- 2009
- Everyone's favorite pipe-headed tall guy


I need a bigger headgang, darn it all. We have fun.

Anyway, have a good night!

 


 

say hello!

May. 2nd, 2008 01:28 am
prismaticbleed: (Default)

Okay, kids, here are a few souls that you'll meet in this journal... besides me, of course.
I'll post random intros as new guys show up, if they do. Look forward!


Name: Selph
Species: Nightmaren
Age: Unknown (He's been with me 3 years)
Role: Muse/ Living conscience/ Love
In Journals: Keeps me from losing too much control; has a lot of insight and ideas; always gets the truth of a situation out

Name: Chaos Zero
Species: Unknown
Age: Unknown (He's been with me 5 years)
Role: Love/ Guardian
In Journals: Refuses to let me put myself down; loses control in stressful situations; keeps my headvoices in check

Name: Julie
Species: Headvoice
Age: None (Known her since early childhood)
Role: Id (Shadow)/ Personification of vice
In Journals: N/A; Hasn't spoken online, and I don't want her to.

Name: Laurie
Species: Headvoice
Age: None (Known her for about 2 years)
Role: "Psycho superego"/ Personification of self-hatred
In Journals: Argues and insults me until I confront her; fights with all other headvoices; gives me terribly good advice


That's all for now, but you may have seen these three in my Xanga...


Name: Lynne
Species: Headvoice (re-absorbed)
Age: None (Knew her for a few months)
Role: Superego?/ Personification of self-worth
In Journals: Very supportive of me; stands up for me when I won't

Name: Jessica
Species: Headvoice (re-absorbed, possibly re-forming)
Age: None (Knew her since early childhood; only personified her this past year)
Role: Corrupted ego/ Personification of failure
In Journals: Constantly brings up the downside of things

Name: Natalie
Species: Headvoice (re-absorbed)
Age: None (Knew her for about a year)
Role: Reflection/ Personification of optimism
In Journals: N/A; Natalie is voiceless



Hope to see you soon...


-spinny c.    
prismaticbleed: (shatter)

 

From now on this journal is free domain for the madness inside my mind.

 

See you on the other side.

 


----------------------------------------------------------

 

 

THIS IS NOT A JOURNAL.

You will not find witty banter or book reviews on this page. You will not find relationship advice or recipes.
You will, however, find some very interesting and bizarre conversations.

This is not a journal... this is quite literally my life.

This is where my "headvoices" and I come to talk, to discuss our life situations, and/or to philosophize on whatever issues are troubling us that day.
It's a raw stream of consciousness and it's not for the faint of heart.
It is, however, the most honest insight you will ever get into our lives.

Feel free to read if you wish, but do watch your step.



(LAST UPDATED 2012)


Red = Jewel
Violet = Laurie
Aqua = Chaos 0
Orange = Genesis (Selph)
Ultraviolet = Xenophon
Crimson = Lynne
Brown = Spine
Yellow = Josephina
Teal = Nathaniel (Natalie)
Blue = Waldorf
Indigo = Leon
Pink = Julie
White = Mr. Sandman

Waiting for an open session and/or channel access:

Sky = Ryou
Purple = Marik
Mint = Celebi


No longer speaking:

Smoke = Jessica (Splintered)
Green = Qlok (Quoted only)

Lime = Vickie (Quoted only)
Gray = Vezerai (Guest only)


Old entries may not adhere to this color code. For example:
Lynne originally spoke in orange, before she fully manifested.
Genesis originally spoke in yellow, but then chose to speak in orange.
Josephina originally spoke in lilac, but this has been corrected to match his new color.
Spine originally spoke in tan, but this has been corrected to match her new color.


This list will be regularly updated to reflect the current speech coloration.



F.A.Q.

What is a "headvoice?"
In our jargon, a "headvoice" is an individual born within headspace that serves a specific function within the system as a whole. These functions may be "inflicted" or "inborn." Headvoices with unstable or unclear functions can die from the lack of stabilization, while those with "function overload" may corrupt to an equally lethal extreme.

How many headvoices are in your system?
Taking both upstairs and underground into consideration, there are approximately eleven headvoices in our system. It's difficult to tell.


What's the difference between "upstairs," "downstairs," and "underground?"
"Upstairs" refers to headspace life, aka anything non-physical. "Downstairs" refers to physical life, aka what the body must participate in to survive. "Underground" refers to a specific level of lower headspace that contains very dangerous individuals, and is not typically accessible.


What is "central headspace" and how is it different from normal headspace?
"Central" is a specific area of headspace that has been stabilized into a sort of "safe space" for the core individuals in our system. Most headvoices live there. It is also where our discussions on this website take place.
'Normal' headspace is more strongly connected to Jewel's raw consciousness than Central; as a result it is typically fluid and highly mutable, with few 'fixed' areas.

Why do you have characters from games/ TV/ etc. up there too?
When Jewel was younger, his consciousness would 'branch out' rather uncontrollably. Because of this he'd often 'catch' the vibrations of same-level individuals outside our system (i.e. media sources), effectively creating a sort of energetic bridge for them to enter headspace if they so wished. Few individuals were able to enter, though, and even fewer were able to stay. Those who did exhibited a peculiar sort of "resonance" with our inner energy field that effectively made them just as much a part of this system as we are, and may even be mandatory for such a scenario. This phenomenon is still being investigated, but that's the gist of it.


Do they count as "headvoices" too?
Technically, no, as they do not originate from inside the system, and they are entirely different life-forms as well. We refer to them as "walk-ins" or "outspacers" if need be.

Why are the older entries here so different from the newer ones?
We started this site in 2008 as an attempt
to stabilize all of us, and to record the process of such. Headspace was new back then, and for the most part, so were we. Headvoices typically go through a "stabilization" period after their birth, during which time they become less impulse and more individual. All of our system members have their adjustment periods documented here in one sense or another.
On that note, underground influence was also rampant in the subconscious in 2008. Most of the old Jewel-centric entries were almost entirely tainted by that, as Jewel himself didn't start to truly stabilize until 2011. Asking him why he no longer acts that way is the equivalent of asking a grown man why he no longer acts like he did as an infant.

Why don't you guys update more often?
Hosting a Xanga session takes a great deal of time and personal energy. Although we would love to update once a week, our schedule does not favor such an ideal. Not only does our system have to deal with the menial concerns of a physical existence, but we also have to deal with our own upstairs lives at the same time. Due to the myriad and frequently unexpected events on both levels, we often do not have sufficient time or energy left to get everyone together and host a session. We are, however, trying to find a happy medium concerning this situation.



Feel free to leave questions as a comment to this entry; we'll be glad to answer them either here or in an actual session.

 



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