surprisingly, we're not dead

[prismaticbleed]

 

Hey there.

 

So, after a month of headspace and everyone in it being presumably dead-- there was total silence and my entire self-image reset-- people are showing up again.
It's a shock, but a good one, for once. Everyone seems to have reset in order to come back. Old roles and functions no longer apply. It seems that whatever this semi-deletion was, it was necessary in order to completely change the lives we all had upstairs.

 

Somewhat ironically, and hilariously in my opinion, our new therapist has already voiced that "it sounds like you have Dissociative Identity Disorder" and we have spent the past 3 sessions discussing headspace in one way or another. This is completely new, especially since I've been at it alone for the first time in my life lately. Not even Sherlock is still around to offer his logical assistance.

 

 

On that note, our 50+ lineup has... shrunk, dramatically, after whatever happened with Infinitii in August that basically caused headspace to implode.

So far, Knife, Razor, Sugar, Jeremiah, David, Josephina, and Laurie are confirmed alive, although somewhat unstable yet. (The Undergrounders in general seem surprisingly unscathed.)
Mulberry and Marigold are both in very ill health, but they still have bodies, even if they're not conscious yet.
Julie, Missy, and Bridget are all still alive but, unfortunately, Julie reset to her ORIGINAL introject function... which means she is technically a severe threat once again. However, with the new System functions she hasn't been able to hack us... at least not consciously. There have been like five dream-hacks so far this month (those are traumatic but at least they can be forgotten easier) which is a disturbing new record of sorts, and she's even trying to get at my boss! He's understandably a little freaked out but we're dealing. We'll figure something out.
Julie also killed the sage-colored guy shortly after the reset, so he's confirmed gone.

 

Everyone else is presumed to be "between life and death" right now, meaning they didn't literally die so it's possible for them to reset. Laurie's been trying to fill me in on this (she has been trying really hard to re-manifest SINCE the reset; you should see the synchronicity she's been throwing at me) but she's still too woozy from the whole thing to talk much yet.

 

Anyway, there's a lot to talk about and no time to write it here.
The biggest change, besides the system role resets, seems to be that I no longer have a solid identity and as such, it is nigh impossible for me to enter headspace anymore. I can see it, and people can send messages to me, but I can't go in there until I get a body.
Oddly, both Laurie and Knife seem against this. I am functioning FAR better without a fixed identity than I EVER did with one, and I'm healing psychological scars at an incredible rate. So the current upstairs verdict is that "I can only talk to them on therapy days unless there is an emergency," at least until we get a better grip on this whole situation.
There's still near-constant dissociation, memory is still near-nonexistent, and it's still no less difficult to function in a body, but at least now we're dealing with triggers better? I think so.

 

I apologize if this is mostly jargon. I just wanted to update and inform whatever readers we have that no, we are not dead, although I sure thought we were for a while there.

 

Our main goal is to heal completely, and for our System to no longer be a coping mechanism for trauma, but something completely independent and detached from that old pain and suffering.
We're doing pretty well so far, I'd say.

 

Best wishes to all of you. I'll keep you posted.

 

-"J"

 

 

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@9:03 AM

 

WE'RE MOVING!!

 

Since this journal holds energy from as far back as the 2010 suicide attempt, and includes all of the post-Scratch pain and suffering from this year, I think it's safe to say that we need to move!
Energy sticks and the struggles this one documented are no longer part of our lives, at least, not if we have anything to say about it.
Yes, "we." To my complete surprise and joy, everyone isn't dead! For most of August I would have swore that they were, but I suppose life had other plans. But we'll talk about that later.
Journal switches only follow BIG changes in our life, as they completely alter the mood and style of our regular updates, and effectively "start again" on a new note. Considering that we just experienced a massive System reset of sorts, I'd say a switch is all but required at this point!
So, until further notice, this is going to be our new address.

http://spectrumheart.dreamwidth.org/

I can't guarantee we'll update much-- Laurie and Knife have both agreed that I should spend most of my time working on the League Worlds, and only heavily work with headspace on therapy days or in emergencies-- but if anything big happens, or needs to be written down, that will be the new place to go.
See you around!