the spectrum heart cathedral system

Dreaming about being a PCP????
Shockingly fulfilling, purely good.
Do I have any hope of a future career like that, of such service?

No Precious Blood at Mass today because the priest was a very dear old fellow (his hands were shaking, God bless him)
Asking Jesus why I still craved it so much, because it bothered me  greatly that in this way I was "idolizing" it over the Host
He told me "stop being a vampire". "You want my Life(blood), but not my LIFE." = You want to drink my Blood and have my life "force" in you, but you are still hesitant-scared to have my BODY in you, the very vehicle in which that Blood WORKS its life!
"What good is the Blood without the Body?" "The Body is what MAKES the Blood; the Blood is MEANT for the Body."
"Blood BELONGS to the HEART, and My Heart IS My Body"


DESCRIPTION OF SACRIFICE = LAURIE'S ORIGINAL JOB
https://youtu.be/tbQhRKTKY8s?is=bwCjhEIDiKyVXIBR

Finished The Horse and His Boy!
Aslan was the absolute gem of the story as always. I was in tears when Shasta met Him on the mountain. Remember what "Sneezing Jesus" taught us and which the Hermit reiterated so well = THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "LUCK"; THERE IS ONLY GOD'S WILL, AND WHEN WE REALIZE THAT, THEN EVERYTHING IS "GOOD LUCK"!!!

Now we finally get to "restart" the Magician's Nephew, haha. We read the first chapter or so before we learned that Publishing order is the proper way, NOT internal chronology. It is flowing so much more clearly and nicely this way.

...Shahrooz's Uhaul is outside right now, I hear them moving boxes in the hallway.
Cherish his voice while you can still hear it.
And do say goodbye if at all possible you can. It's the most just and loving thing to do.
Update= Went downstairs to meet him & ask him when he's leaving.
He HUGGED me and said I was AWESOME????
But he's actually not leaving until TOMORROW NIGHT (I think actually midnight???) so I will actually get to send him off right before he leaves, after I pick up mom from work, because she just happens to be doing overtime tomorrow.
God works in such wonderful ways.


Afternoon =
For a few moments while praying the Divine Mercy chaplet, I GENUINELY FELT that Jesus loved me. Like it Actually HIT.
It was life-changing. Please REMEMBER THIS with FERVOR and FAITH. God has given you a priceless seed so PLANT IT DEEP!!!!


Evening =
Obeyed the nutritionist and had extra olive oil but my body cannot tolerate that much anymore???
SO much pain. So strange.
Offered it up patiently, nothing else and nothing better to do
"Only humans have the privilege of suffering," and it's only a privilege because of Jesus and His Cross. It's something very deep and good and wonderful and heartening to meditate upon.


Night =
Shahrooz on the bench outside, first time I've ever seen him in casual clothes
His age hit me then, and his preciousness as a human being.
He has such bright and friendly eyes too, like gems. He's a treasure.

Starting The Magician's Nephew in earnest.
...finally I get to learn about the Wood Between the Worlds. I've waited over 15 years.
Oh Melody, I hope you are still alive, I hope you are happy and at peace. How dearly I miss you. Every beautiful yellow thing in the world still sings of your sweet smile.
I still love you, I'm sure I always will.



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FINISHING UP THE STUDYLIGHT COMMENTARIES TODAY!
https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING =  DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

[BE VERY CAREFUL BECAUSE THIS GUY BELIEVES IN THE RAPTURE AND THAT APPARENTLY AFFECTS HIS WHOLE VIEW OF THE FULFILLMENT OF THE PROMISES????]

..DEEDS that were done BY faith =
...“PERFORMED (ACTS of) righteousness”: MAINTAINING righteousness by judges and kings;
[Note that this implies CONTINUITY and CONSTANCY. They didn't just do "some" righteous acts, nor did they perform them as "standalone" things. Even for faithful men who weren't in "political positions" (although in a sense all those on this list were so, either as recognized leaders or military men), the very fact that they WERE faithful among a people that struggled with faithfulness (Baruch 1:13-22), basically REQUIRED that they become "LIFELINES" for the spiritual health of the nation, by PERSEVERING in ACTIVE WITNESS to God by their deeds of OBEDIENCE to Him and WORSHIP of Him when no one else really was???? Because those poor lost sheep NEEDED AN EXAMPLE TO EMULATE. They NEEDED "GOOD SHEPHERDS" TO FOLLOW– RIGHTEOUS MEN WHO WERE ONLY SUCH BECAUSE GOD WAS WORKING THROUGH THEM BY THEIR FAITH IN HIM AND IN HIS PROMISES. That point is ALWAYS key, in the OT. The Promises were the LOCUS of their HOPE, their MAP for the FUTURE, the FUEL for their ZEAL, and the JOY of their LABOR. Those who trusted unconditionally that ALL God's Promises were REAL and SURE– and not merely in regards to earthly homeland and descendants and kingdom and blessing and deliverance, but particularly of the true HEAVENLY realities of those things, and ESPECIALLY the Promise of the MESSIAH, without Whom ALL those good things would be EMPTY and Even IMPOSSIBLE– were ABLE to be righteous, because the POWER to BE righteous is PURE GRACE, for it comes ONLY through FAITH: through TRUST IN GOD and SURRENDER TO HIS WILL, because GOD IS RIGHTEOUSNESS and so it is ONLY by BECOMING MORE LIKE HIM THROUGH GRACE (AND THUS BY HIS SPIRIT) that WE are even CAPABLE of becoming righteous???
I need to read the Catechism on this before I say anything more.
But for now, all I wanted to emphasize was this = FAITH is what ENABLES and EMPOWERS "acts of righteousness" in ANY man, which we must "PERFORM" in active obedience and free choice, and we do so particularly to "MAINTAIN" righteousness, firstly IN OURSELVES (because we will NOT "stay righteous" in idleness or complacency; inaction KILLS faith, and even "QUENCHES THE SPIRIT"), and then as a RESULT of that INNER maintenance, NECESSARILY FLOWS OUT to affect our "SPHERE OF INFLUENCE" (however large or small God has given to us), and by steadfast and humble example, HELPING them to do the SAME– not merely to "do good deeds," but TO BE FAITHFUL TO GOD, which is the ONLY way that ANYONE can do a truly good deed. The point is, FAITH IS CONSTANT WORK, and MUST BE CONSTANTLY WORKING, or else it will "ROT."
Maintenance is a "principle" in Creation, I think– that's the whole basis of food and rest! So ponder that. The "food" of righteousness is FAITH (the necessary fuel and material), and the "rest" of righteousness is HUMILITY (which surrenders to God's Will with peaceful obedience; no haranguing ego).
But I suppose "too much food" would be trusting God to the point of forsaking one's own free will entirely??? Like "decision paralysis." Would this be SCRUPULOSITY??? Where we even "gorge ourselves" so much on faith (almost as a "sugar addiction") that we make ourselves sick and miss the whole point of eating food (proper & prudent nourishment)??? Ponder THAT a LOT more.
And "too much rest" would be similar– a "hyperhumility" that sees oneself as so worthless and insignificant and filthy and empty in comparison to God that, just like oversleeping or long bedrest does, one actually becomes weaker and more irritable and less able to complete one's daily responsibilities, or even take care of oneself??? Would this be "expecting God to do everything FOR me" WITHOUT proper exercise of free will, because "I'll just get it wrong anyway" or "I don't trust my own ability to even obey," etc.– which seems to be a very subtle and daily form of (ironically) spiritual pride or self-hatred??? In any case it's missing the entire point of Faith in this regard, which is to TRUST God to HELP you to do His Will ESPECIALLY when you feel MOST incapable of it, because if He CALLED you TO do it, then HE IS FAITHFUL to ENABLE you TO do it. TRUE humility is in realizing that your feelings and self judgments DO NOT MATTER when God has TOLD you to do something for Him, even explicitly DESPITE what you think and feel (Exodus 4:1-17). ONLY THEN can we ACTUALLY "rest", because PEACE is ONLY found IN GOD'S WILL. Trying to "sleep" instead will only make us all the more miserable when we are suddenly awoken, and will even put us in danger of night terrors and assaults, and above all is actually entirely disobedient because IN and BY ALL His other commands, God has CALLED (and IS CALLING) ALL of us to "STAY AWAKE" AND "KEEP WATCH" FOR HIM IN WHOM WE HAVE FAITH, and to "KEEP WORKING" ACCORDING TO HIS WILL AS WE DO (Psalm 119:147-148, Song of Songs 5:2, Matthew 24:42-51, 25:1-13, 26:37-46, Mark 13:23+33-37, Luke 21:34-36, 1 Thessalonians 5:1-11, 2 Peter 3:1+10-14), WITH CONSTANT PRAYER, the OIL of FAITH (Ephesians 6:18-20, Colossians 2:2-4) that FUELS our "performance of righteousness."
But I'm rambling now. I'll let it go. I feel I have stumbled down the wrong path with this train of thought anyway.
The points = Faith must be maintained by prayer. Righteousness must be maintained by faith. Humility is required for righteousness. Humility is maintained by self-surrender. Self-surrender is only possible through love. Love is received by grace. Grace is received by faith. Faith itself is a grace... "only a humble heart is capable of receiving my grace"... everything is about God and from God and for God. At no point in this wonderfully mysterious tapestry are we the initiators of anything. All we do is listen and respond and cooperate and obey and submit, and we cannot do any of that if we don't love God. 
And so Self-love is the biggest obstacle to everything, the poisoned apple of poisoned sleep. When we try to "maintain" ANYTHING on our own, without TRUSTING God and seeking HIS Will first and only, we WILL fail. We will either eat too much (trusting ourselves to do it all; pride) or we will rest too much (trusting God to do it all for us; presumption), obsessing so much over ourselves because in both cases we are trusting our OWN will INSTEAD of God's. THAT'S the true vice. True humility, true faith, true righteousness, true love, is that of Jesus Christ, and so we need His Spirit to have and be and do any of those things. But God gives us the grace, the very Fountain of it, in the Heart of His Son. It is open for us always, pouring Itself out for us always. What do we do then? Simply trust that It is, and go to Him, and receive Him, without a thought to ourselves. That's all I can say. In the end it all is just loving God because He HAS loved us first and He created us TO love Him forever and so somehow, always and no matter what, we MUST be able to do so, and God MUST give us the way and the means and the strength and the will, and He DOES, somehow, in Jesus– in TRUSTING Him, in having FAITH in His Love, from the very beginning. Thats all I know. I can't say anything more.
Righteousness will only subsist in ourselves and in the world when Jesus Christ has BECOME that righteousness FOR and IN us by our FAITH in Him (Galatians 5:6, Ephesians 2:10, Romans 3:20-31, 1 Corinthians 1:26-31).
God please help me to understand this. I am so terribly lost.]

🌟🌟🌟‼️...“obtained promises”: this is possibly obtaining what was promised, but also to BE promised something;
[HUGE!!! Implying that FAITH is even the PREREQUISITE for being GIVEN a Promise by God???? Or rather and truly, for being ABLE & CAPABLE TO RECEIVE The Promise (JESUS) that He has ALREADY GIVEN to ALL mankind– but which we can (and horrifyingly do) EXCLUDE ourselves from by DISTRUST/ UNBELIEF/ APATHY/ UNLOVE!!!]

🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️...”quenched the power of fire”: the three friends of Daniel (Dan 3) who indeed quenched the power of the fire, but NOT THE FIRE ITSELF, for others WERE consumed by it;
[JUST LIKE THE RED SEA & THE EGYPTIANS! This is also EVIDENTLY illustrating a PRINCIPLE– for the SAME "EXCLUSION EFFECT" would have happened IF faithless Egyptians had tried to put blood on their doorposts, OR if faithless Jerichoites had tried to hand scarlet cords out their windows! This is ALSO why the Bronze Serpent DIDN'T heal those who looked at it WITHOUT faith, and THE SAME GOES FOR THE CROSS ITSELF (1 Corinthians 1:18-24), for CHRIST HIMSELF (2 Corinthians 2:14-16), and arguably EVEN GOD HIMSELF (James 2:19, Hebrews 11:6)!!!]

‼️‼️‼️...“escaped the edge of the sword”: David, Elijah (while others WERE KILLED by the sword);
[IMPORTANT. Faith in God does NOT mean "protected from all bodily harm." Remember Saint John Vianney. But it surely DOES mean "protected from all SPIRITUAL harm," as long as we remain faithful, because the ONLY true harm ANY man can EVER suffer is that of SIN, and when we have faith we are not only able to RESIST sin and OBEY God but also to be CONTRITE and FORGIVEN when we (inevitably, for we are still so weak, and know not half the evil we do unwittingly) lapse in our commitment and stumble. So yes, faith CAN "deliver us from the sword" IF it is GOD'S WILL to do so, and ALWAYS if he Has PROMISED to do so– but He has NOT done so for us Christians specifically! Rather, He HAS Promised us the OPPOSITE, and REPEATEDLY so: that IF WE ARE FAITHFUL, then we WILL SUFFER PERSECUTION AND EVEN DEATH FOR HIS NAME and FOR LOVE OF HIM (Matthew 5:10-12, Mark 10:29-30, Luke 9:23-25, 22:31-32, 2 Timothy 2:3+11-12, 3:12, John 15:18-20, 16:33, Romans 8:17, Acts 14:22, 1 Peter 2:19-21, 3:13-18, 4:12-19, 5:8-10, Philippians 1:29, 3:10, 2 Corinthians 1:5, 4:8-11, 2 Thessalonians 1:4-5, Colossians 1:24, Hebrews 12:2-11, Revelation 2:10)!!! For heavens sake, OUR LORD HIMSELF WAS HATED & TORTURED & CRUCIFIED; do we really think we, who are members of His very Body, would ever be exempt from the same???? This is rather why ONLY faithful Christians can REJOICE in suffering: because we suffer WITH Christ and FOR Christ, because WE BELONG TO HIM and WE LOVE HIM (Luke 6:22-23, 1 Peter 4:12-13, James 1:2-4, Romans 5:3-4, 1 Peter 1:6-7, 2 Corinthians 4:17, 12:6-10, Hebrews 10:34, 11:26, Acts 5:41, John 16:20-22), and because we KNOW that the CROSS is the ONLY WAY TO HEAVEN.
So IF you are faithful, you do NOT have be afraid of the sword, or of death itself, if God should send them to afflict you, because He can only ever do so in His Perfect Love and Good Will, and if you TRUST that and ACCEPT it all with LOVE (Mark 14:36, John 3:16, 12:23-28, 14:30-31, 18:11), then you will only thereby be sharing in Christ's Own suffering on earth, dying on the Cross with Him, on the way to His Kingdom.]

...“from weakness were made strong”: Gideon, Jonathan; they PROVED that "the weakness of God is stronger than men" (1 Corinthians 12:25, 2 Corinthians 13:4).
[Again the Scriptural reference shows that this is ONLY by the POWER OF THE CROSS– which, even in the OT, was manifest in the manner of suffering for the sake of/ through FAITH, in TRUSTING LOVING OBEDIENCE TO GOD'S WILL, which was the whole force of Christ's Sacrifice! So the "weakness" is our humanity and our capacity TO suffer, which is exactly what ALLOWS the True Strength of GOD'S LOVE to enter into and overtake and transform us and do TRULY great things even THROUGH our sufferings FOR and WITH His Son.
And yet I'm overlooking the "literal sense." God DID literally give physically weak humans physical strength THROUGH FAITH (Samson, Daniel, & Elijah immediately come to mind), but those circumstances were ALWAYS ONLY for GOD'S GLORY THROUGH THEM. When their faith waned or their pride rose, that strength was taken away– because then they were NOT "weak" before God, but "identifying as" strong as if it were their own doing, or even their right– and as a result, falsely taking all of God's credit and both praising and relying on self. God will then remind them just how terribly weak they actually are... so that, being crushed and humbled, God CAN make them TRULY strong in HIS strength. So you see it DOES come back to the Cross in a way.
In any case, as always, human strength is a real thing in worldly matters, and it too is a gift from God of course, but in and of itself it means nothing in eternity and nothing to God. The only time human strength means anything is when GOD is utilizing it for HIS purposes in a soul that is humbly and fully surrendered to such use by FAITH, recognizing that without God, even the strongest man on earth is but dust and ashes– the true weakness is that of a soul enervated by pride. But the weakest child on earth could be a champion in heaven if that child only relies on God for all its strength, with no care for human comparison whatsoever.
God brings light out of darkness, life out of death, and strength out of weakness, because He is always the former and we always the latter. THAT is the key, and humble faith alone can take hold of it.]

In the just mentioned situations, faith [VISIBLY] APPEARED to be EFFECTIVE in FAVOR of the believers, and sometimes even in a miraculous way. NOW examples of situations follow wherein [the EXACT SAME] faith is ALSO effective for those who HEAVILY SUFFER and are even KILLED. [But the effectiveness HERE is ONLY "visibly apparent" BY faith; the faithless would see such suffering and claim that the faith of those believers was "INEFFECTIVE," or even "working AGAINST them," or that "God did NOT favor them", as many even thought of Christ Himself! THIS is the "foolishness of the Cross" that "shames the wisdom of men".]
This suffering and death would be foolishness if death was the real end of everything [but FOR THE FAITHFUL, IT IS NOT; arguably it isn't the end for anyone, but the faithless go to a SECOND death which is WORSE because it DOESN'T end].

[They willingly faced, accepted, and endured] cruel torture, [even as all the] while, [they were ACTIVELY REFUSING their torturer's REAL] OFFER to CEASE the torture, [because the conditions of relief and release were] UNACCEPTABLE TO FAITH [since they were ONLY BEING TORTURED FOR THEIR FAITH! Therefore it would have been cowardly and scandalous to accept ANY terms of release, as doing so would not only be showing an unwillingness to bear Christ's Cross with Him to the end, but would also thereby undermine their own witness to Him, thus damaging the public credibility of the Gospel itself! And this was ABSOLUTELY NOT AN OPTION. WHY would they EVER betray their COMMITMENT to God by "bailing out" of this most powerful demonstration of their unity with His Son's Passion– one which they had only ENTERED BECAUSE of that commitment? And in any case, you cannot doubt that ANYONE torturing a Christian FOR their faith would ONLY release them if they RENOUNCED that faith, and THAT MUST NEVER HAPPEN, even if it guaranteed a painful death. No matter! Death is the doorway to heaven now, especially when splashed with faithful blood! By refusing to save their earthly lives for the sake of fidelity to Jesus Christ and His Gospel– which not only DECLARED but PROMISED eternal life after death, and NOT in Sheol but in HEAVEN, for those who trusted in Christ's Own Death to have unlocked the door at last, and by union with Him to be carried safely and mercifully through it– they PROVED in the most tangible and genuine and unforgettable way that] they BELIEVED in “a better resurrection,” and were LOOKING FORWARD to that!
[Martyr mindset. Death for faith's sake is actually better than life itself. God I pray for a heart like this so much.]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️...“were tempted”: were put under severe mental or physical pressure to deny their faith; were forced to compromise or to abjure something; in any case to deny their Lord;
[THAT'S ALWAYS SATAN'S ULTIMATE GOAL & PURPOSE!! Remember this in times of great temptation and STAND FIRM!!!]

...“being destitute”: hunger and thirst;
[And yet, never actually destitute, because "man does not live on bread alone", and "your Father knows you need these things"... so if He withholds them, even via oppression, we can STILL TRUST that He ONLY does so FOR OUR SALVATION; this means He KNOWS that we have a GREATER SPIRITUAL HUNGER that MUST be satisfied instead, and such physical destitution will actually serve to accomplish that, IF WE ACCEPT IT. Perhaps the whole point is simply in teaching us to trust Him more radically, to depend on Him more absolutely, to embrace poverty more deeply, to detach from the world more thoroughly, etc. The point is, these are all rich treasures of virtue, foretastes of the heavenly banquet; no amount of physical hunger can ever deprive us of these. If our soul is satisfied, if our faith has been nourished, that is most important, and that is God's priority, and thus justly worth sacrificing even legitimate lesser needs for.]

‼️‼️‼️...“afflicted”: were ruled by strangers;
[PAINFULLY RELEVANT to today's world for Catholics. Modern culture and legislation both are becoming increasingly hostile to the Gospel and Catholic teaching. Ironically that makes these very times a most significant battleground on which faith can powerfully be tested and proven.]

...“wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground”: they accommodated many heroes of faith who had no home, with a hiding place, while those were hunted for as if they were savage animals.
[This too is a sobering & scary truth that we must keep in mind as a constant of the enemy's mindset. Satan is STILL hunting us down.]

God HAS SEEN and NOTICED that ALL these believers PERSEVERED IN FAITH TILL THE END. [And yet, like all the others,] They didn’t receive ON EARTH what they were promised. [In a way, I think that's THE POINT-- having the Promises ALWAYS "out of reach" while they were alive would REQUIRE them to fix their hearts on heaven, and thus to LIVE IN FAITH at all times, in the PROFOUND PEACE that only comes through one's HOPES being SECURE WITH GOD, so that it doesn't matter what happens to us in this world in the meantime. These believers didn't "need" to receive the Promises on earth, because they weren't planning on earth-- their future was BEYOND this world, in ETERNITY, and THAT is what ENABLED them to persevere in fidelity regardless of all difficult circumstances and apparent obstacles to God's Word, because they KNEW that NOTHING in this world could EVER prevent the fulfillment of His Words in HEAVEN.]
⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ They STILL don’t have [the fullness of those Promises], EVEN NOT IN PARADISE where they are now. They SHALL obtain what is promised ONLY when the Hebrews and we ALSO will obtain it, [which CAN only happen] when CHRIST COMES [AT THE END OF TIME] and ESTABLISHES [HIS EVERLASTING] KINGDOM.
[So we CAN'T receive ALL the Promises yet because THE PAROUSIA HASN'T HAPPENED IN TIME and so NO ONE HAS BEEN RESURRECTED YET????]

[Okay NO MORE OF THIS COMMENTARY. It really is too much of a minefield. This guy's beliefs and language are both confusing me greatly and I cannot be risking getting lost and disoriented by it. I will not use this commentary anymore, and I will absolutely be reading the Catechism a LOT MORE in the near future to heal the damage I fear that reading all this may have done to my understanding of the faith.
But God bless him anyway, whoever he is, for his efforts of faith nevertheless, even as they are misguided in many ways (Lord knows mine are too). Do not look upon our errors, O merciful Lord, but upon our love and trust in You; but please correct our errors and heal us and lead us in the right way, so we may both serve you in truth and justice all the days of our life until at last (oh how we hope in Your merciful love) we will see You and worship You with indescribable joy in heaven for all eternity.]

Nutritionist
INTENSE TRAUMA REACTION from the idea of "liquid food"
WHY DOES THAT SCARE ME MORE THAN ANYTHING???????

And do I even want to "get better" if all that means is becoming a luxurious glutton? No. I want to be simple, ascetic, poor.
I refuse to submit to the body-worshipping, food-idolizing hedonism of the EDU treatment again.


scary late BK because I HAD to Finish the Dawn Treader
THE WHOLE BOOK WAS WORTH THE LAST FEW PAGES I WAS SOBBING


Night =
Started reading The Silver Chair
IT'S SO GOOD & SO POWERFUL
Stayed up late to get at least halfway through
Puddleglum is such a great guy, I think he and Reepicheep are my favorite Narnian characters so far (besides Aslan Himself of course).
Of the kids themselves Lucy is my fave, she's a real angel. I pray for a heart like hers.


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https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING = DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

FAITH is the INNER POWER [of God Himself, arguably– for faith is not only a GRACE (it cannot be "achieved" or "created" or even "developed" by our own efforts or willpower, no matter how hard we try), but because it is entirely of God, true faith is also LOVE, for ONLY LOVE makes us CAPABLE of the sort of UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER to God's Will and Words– of the SELFLESS TRUST and HUMBLE DEPENDENCE that faith NECESSITATES. And this absolute "helplessness without God" is paradoxically precisely where and how we HAVE such "inner power"] that ENABLES to OVERCOME [the entire world, and all that belongs to it (Ephesians 6:16), for Faith's Power is NOT of ourselves, but of GOD, Who LOVES US (John 16:33, Romans 8:35-38, 1 John 2:12-13, 4:4, 5:1-5, Revelation 12:10-11)!!! And it is THAT LOVE which we BELIEVE in and TRUST in and OBEY and LIVE AND DIE for, and we can ONLY do ANY of those things BECAUSE He "FIRST LOVED US" (1 John 4:7-19), for it is not only in BEING loved by God (which we are, and always have been, and always will be), but in OUR RECOGNIZING and BELIEVING and RECEIVING that Love AS IT HAS BEEN FULLY REVEALED IN JESUS CHRIST (1 John 4:16, Romans 5:8, John 17:26)– because that LOVE, almost paradoxically, is the very SPARK and SOURCE of the GRACE OF FAITH that ENABLES us TO so recognize and believe– that we are made ABLE to Love AS GOD LOVES, which is REAL LOVE, self-giving and self-forgetting and generous and joyous and pure and eternal, and we are transformed to live IN and THROUGH that love FOR love of God Who IS Love. But I'm rambling and missing the key point. WE "GAIN" THIS CAPACITY FOR LOVE ONLY IN AND THROUGH GOD HIMSELF, FOR GOD IS THAT LOVE– AND SO WE CAN ONLY TRULY LOVE WHEN THE HOLY SPIRIT IS DWELLING WITHIN US. And how does this come to happen? Through BAPTISM, which IS PURE GRACE, healing us from original sin and thus being ABLE to plant the "SEED of FAITH" in our soul that GROWS with humility and trust and obedience over time, and which we CAN LOSE through FAILING TO LOVE.
I'm talking too much. I really am. I feel so lost. I don't know the "mechanics" and I'm talking in circles.
We NEED faith TO believe that Christ IS Who He says He is– God Himself, and the Only Savior of mankind, the Promised Messiah– and thus to believe in the POWER of His saving Passion for us. But what is the "Source" of that Power? His Divinity, absolutely, but also– as inseparable from and even synonymous with it– His LOVE. He loved His Father with perfect trust and obedience, and the point is that His Father willed that His Son should die to save mankind from sin, because He loves us that much (John 3:16-17). The ENTIRE PLAN OF SALVATION IS LOVE. So of COURSE our FAITH in not only God Himself but in His Plan itself, and all the Promises of it, MUST be defined by LOVE for God in turn! It's only logical. But sin makes us INCAPABLE of real love. THAT'S what sin IS. God knows this, and so from the very first sin until the very last, He offers us GRACE, through His WORDS, which I would even dare to say "carry the very capacity for FAITH within themselves", because "FAITH COMES BY HEARING... THE WORD OF CHRIST" (Romans 10:17, Ephesians 1:13-14)!!!!!! But we CAN RESIST & REJECT this grace (Hebrews 4:2) by our free will and that is TERRIFYING. Nevertheless, IT IS THERE.
But I don't understand this enough yet at all. I need to and want to so desperately. But that means READING, not talking.
The ONLY THING I know for SURE is that we "overcome the world" through FAITH IN JESUS'S REDEEMING LOVE FOR US, and we CANNOT believe or trust or live according to such a thing UNLESS WE LOVE HIM TOO. And that capacity for love is GIVEN to us as PURE GRACE, THROUGH HIS REDEMPTIVE WORK, and then is REALIZED and ENACTED in us THROUGH HIS HOLY SPIRIT. So really EVERYTHING in this process is OF GOD and FOR GOD and IN GOD. And that's so beautiful, because it Shows that HE WANTS THIS FOR US and WE DON'T HAVE TO "TRY TO DO IT ON OUR OWN". The whole reality of faith and hope and love EXIST IN RELATIONSHIP, which we can ONLY really enter into THROUGH COVENANT, which is GOD'S INITIATIVE, and which is FINALIZED IN CHRIST. So we NEED to have faith in Him. But that faith is GIVEN to us, and it is INSEPARABLE from LOVE, and both love and faith MUST BE "INCARNATED" THROUGH ACTIONS (1 Timothy 1:5, Galatians 5:6). And the PERFECT action of both is the PASSION OF CHRIST, the ultimate unified demonstration of human faith and divine love, in the One and Only Begotten Son Jesus Christ, the faithful love which conquers sin and death itself forever.
So it is ONLY by ENTERING INTO that Love that WE can conquer ANYTHING of sin and death. But we CAN, by HIS HOLY SPIRIT. It is never of ourselves. It is ONLY the work of God's Love FOR us now working IN us, the very same Love and the very same Power, but therefore the very same NATURE! The ONLY Love that CAN and DOES "overcome the world" is THE LOVE OF CHRIST, and of Him CRUCIFIED.
"The greatest love you can have for your friends is to give your life for them." (John 15:13 GNT) "This is how we KNOW what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And so, we too must lay down our lives for our brothers." (1 John 3:16) "This is how God’s Love was revealed among us: God sent His one and only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In THIS is love: not that we have loved God, but that He loved us, and [as a direct result of that love He] sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Beloved, [since God HAS loved us THAT MUCH, and in SUCH A WAY, so too] we also ought to love one another!" (1 John 4:9-11) "This is My commandment: Love each other in the same way that I have loved you." (John 15:12)
"LOVE" THAT WILL NOT SUFFER OR SACRIFICE IS NOT LOVE AT ALL AND SUCH A "LOVE" HAS NO FAITH IN IT WHATSOEVER. ONLY THE CROSS HAS TRIUMPHED (Galatians 6:14, Colossians 2:13-14)!!!]

[This gracious gift of faith gets ALL its Power by the Holy Spirit of Christ, a Power which is manifested in "keeping God's commandments" (John 14:21)– to love God with one's whole being, (Deuteronomy 10:12-13, Mark 12:30) to believe in Christ AS the Christ (John 6:29, 16:27), and to love others as God loves them (1 John 4:20, Galatians 5:14)– and which is thus a faith "working THROUGH love" because it is anchored IN and flowing FROM Love Himself (Ephesians 3:17, 1 Peter 1:8). This is TRUE faith, for it TESTIFIES to what it believes in (AND thereby in Whom it TRUSTS) by its ACTIONS in ACCORDANCE with it. And this faith ONLY exists as faith in JESUS CHRIST AS LORD AND REDEEMER, because HE IS OUR "INNER POWER!" When, BY COOPERATIVE SURRENDER TO GRACE, we let CHRIST'S LOVE FOR US awaken and empower OUR LOVE FOR HIM– which is arguably entirely the TRUE AND DEFINITIVE WORK OF FAITH from which all else blooms– then THAT RELATIONSHIP is the ONLY THING that CAN and DOES overcome ALL WORLDLY] HINDRANCES (the wrath of Pharaoh, the Red Sea, Jericho) and LUSTS (the pleasures of sin, the riches of Egypt).

Faith REALIZES the MEDIATION OF GOD [over all circumstances, without fail or exception or oversight] without seeing Him, and in that way it LIBERATES FROM ALL FEARS for the "power of man" [because although we do have free will, and God does respect it to stunning extents, we are NOT so "free" as to be exempt from the Laws and Purposes of Reality Himself, "despite" His permissive Will. No matter what we choose to do– and no matter what ANY man chooses to do TO us– ALL human choices are STILL UNDER GOD'S PROVIDENCE. This is a great and unfathomable mystery but it is the most beautifully consoling thing ever for the faithful soul. It means that everything that has ever happened, and that ever will happen, is still somehow entirely under God's control and entirely serving His ultimate Purposes. He is GOD, after all; ONLY His Will can EVER Be done! To realize and accept and embrace this is perfect peace, but this too is only possible through grace and faith and love. So let us pray for it, because God wants us to live in His Will, because THAT is our PERFECTION and our JOY.]

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔 For you here also is the POWER to PERSEVERE on the PATH of faith, TOGETHER with the other members of God’s people, who [because they WERE and ARE God's people, and therefore are CALLED to LOVE and TRUST and SERVE and FOLLOW God alone at any cost and despite any opposition,] ALSO had to ENDURE THE REPROACH AND WRATH OF THE WORLD [WITHOUT EXCEPTION].

As a FINAL ACHIEVEMENT of Moses’s faith [in this list– and very notable because it therefore PRECEDES & EXCLUDES THE WHOLE EXODUS JOURNEY in personal reference to him], the writer mentions the celebration of the PASSOVER... [implying that] Israel celebrated the Passover ON THE BASIS OF MOSES'S FAITH.
[THAT'S THE LITERALLY LIFE-SAVING POWER GOD CAN WORK EVEN THROUGH JUST ONE EXAMPLE OF A LIFE TRULY & FULLY DEDICATED TO HIM.]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ The journey in the wilderness ITSELF [NOT the EXODUS itself, per se, as that was GOD'S doing, but the 40 YEARS OF WANDERING] is NOT mentioned [in respect to ANYONE]. That was in fact NOT the result of faith, but on the contrary, the RESULT OF UNBELIEF.

The walls of Jericho fell down [ONLY] because they encircled the city ON THE BASIS OF FAITH IN GOD’S WORD. After seven days the walls were STILL THAT THICK AND IMPREGNABLE like on the first day.[GOD DID NOT CHANGE THE WALLS; THE EXTERNAL CIRCUMSTANCES STAYED THE SAME!!!] But they STILL FELL DOWN, only after seven days [and without any military action!!] BECAUSE THEY HAD BELIEVED [IN GOD'S WORD THAT THEY WOULD FALL, BY GOD'S POWER, IF ONLY THEY DID WHAT HE SAID].
[GOD STILL WORKS LIKE THIS. WHEN YOU'RE FACING "FORTRESS WALLS" OF ENEMY OPPOSITION, REMEMBER HOW JERICHO FELL BY GOD'S WORD ALONE. IF YOU BUT FOLLOW AND OBEY HIS WORD-- JESUS CHRIST, WHO HAS DEFEATED EVERY ENEMY OF OUR SOULS ON THE CROSS, AND HAS PROMISED US A SHARE IN THAT VICTORY THROUGH HIS SPIRIT IN US-- THEN YOU, TOO, WILL SEE EVERY ENEMY STRONGHOLD COLLAPSE BEFORE HIS PRESENCE.]

The FAITH of the people and its EFFECT is not only seen at Jericho. [Their faith had NECESSARY existed and been demonstrated BEFORE that great event: God had LED THEM TO THAT POINT of such radical obedience through MANY PRIOR ACTS OF TRUST in regards to military victory by God's might and not their own, beginning with the Red Sea crossing itself. And although this generation of Israel had not experienced that event personally, they DID cross the Jordan in a similar yet lesser manner, and unlike that first generation God used these men themselves to conquer their enemies, not inanimate water– this was actually a GREATER exercise of faith, because it REQUIRED HUMILITY to happen at ALL, not just obedience! But the point is, the Faith of Israel throughout the decades HAD EFFECTS on not only THEMSELVES (which sadly were often suppressed or neglected, as the Exodus journey proved) but ALSO (and to great extents in ironic comparison) on their ENEMIES! They couldn't forget the terrible and mighty miracles they saw and experienced at the Hands of God, Whose Power crushed their armies and overcame all their defenses. Israel's FAITH only "existed" in truth when they had a HOLY FEAR of God, and so in proper parallel, the EFFECT of that faith– in "allowing" God to work His Power THROUGH and FOR them for HIS GLORY– was to awaken a corresponding FEAR in the Gentiles?? But their fear was NOT "holy," even if it was abstractly "reverent" (in recognizing and dreading God's Power), because it did NOT move them to TRUST God or OBEY Him. Like Noah, Israel's faith "condemned the world", even as they BOTH experienced the SAME display of God's Power. The life-changing difference was their attitude towards God. Israel's faith had the effect of REVEALING that in the wake of the works God wrought in Promised "response" to it.]

[The many events of Israel's faith, ultimately leading up to the] CAPTURE of Jericho [–and the fearful remembrance & communication of them throughout the land over the years– were also, in God's Providence,] the CAUSE for the REVELATION of the FAITH of ONE INDIVIDUAL from that city.
[Notable because of the emphasis on the IMPENDING FATE OF CAPTURE. It was in the SPECIFIC, IMMEDIATE, PERSONAL "THREAT" of the Faith of Israel "bringing its effects" TO Jericho– i.e. the very Presence and Power of their unstoppable God– that ONE PERSON responds in HOLY FEAR instead. It was in the very "shadow of death" that Light was able to shine???? The awareness of mortality brought humility & clarity??? The threat of JUDGMENT awoke the sleeping conscience to repentance???]

This is... this is everything I need to hear, this is straight to my deepest heart, thank You God
https://youtu.be/LAKfcHE-na8?is=Zs2xwwgF4rLT-DBd

Reading Prince Caspian today!

SO MUCH NOISE & SHOUTING & MOVEMENT & PEOPLE AROUND TODAY
I AM ABSOLUTELY OVERWHELMED
BUT THIS TOO IS GOD'S WILL AND I MUST DESIRE IT AS SUCH.
Besides... this might be the last time I get to hear Shahrooz making such a din in the hallway. After Monday he will be gone, and I will miss this noise terribly. I know this. So God bless this holy commotion. It is the sign of a beloved life.

This article is so powerfully moving & beautiful & true & encouraging & pure
https://www.wordonfire.org/articles/god-of-the-mundane-recapturing-the-dignity-of-toilet-cleaning

Very late BK because I did have to recover from all the noise & busyness

Ponder these much, much more. There's a lot of very deep and sharp personal relevance here that NEEDS to sink in and stick hard. 
https://www.americamagazine.org/good-word/2026/08/26/jesus-wounds-compassion-homily/?
https://www.americamagazine.org/good-word/2026/01/14/homily-john-baptist-jesus-time/
https://youtu.be/8SxPMFPO4eE?is=Y1ibmAoSXW50vqpI

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
https://www.catholic.com/magazine/online-edition/how-to-handle-a-bad-sexual-past
WE MADE THE EXACT SAME FATAL MISTAKE WHEN WE FIRST TRIED TO "RECOVER" FROM TRAUMA
THAT WAS THE GERM OF INFINITII'S KILLING DISEASE
...in any case we need to read more Catholic articles on this, when we get the guts and the nerve and the stomach to do so. It's scary and disturbing and triggers a LOT of rage and terror and anguished despair. But if we don't face this thing, this ancient wound, we will continue to die slowly.


Night =

Stayed up late to finish Prince Caspian while listening to Margaret Rizza 


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https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING =  DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

The [Patriarchs literally molded their lives around God's Promises, with an eye to eternity, and not only openly spoke of all such things as CERTAIN to come, but based all their decisions upon the EXPECTATION and PREPARATION for RECEIVING those fulfillments– EVEN if only IN eternity! These men existed at the very beginning of the Plan of Salvation, and so the entire tenor of their lives SHOWED their] faith IN ACTION, [as actively "laying the groundwork" for everything to come, so to speak– and so this was all done] with the VIEW to the FUTURE, [which was something BRAND NEW and UNPRECEDENTED and even UNFATHOMABLE TO MAN, and yet which was nevertheless ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEED BY THE VIRTUE OF GOD'S INFALLIBLE & EFFECTUAL WORDS CONCERNING IT. The future which God's People were looking forward to in hope and thus already living for in faith was a future that NONE of them would have EVER imagined nor perhaps even believed, had not God Himself told them it was to be so. And so their future was one of PURE FAITH, grounded solely on PROMISE– especially for the earlier believers like Noah, who had literally no precedent for such faith other than recent(!) ancestral memories of Abel and Enoch! God's Plan was still ENTIRELY A MYSTERY to him, and yet HE TRUSTED, because THIS WAS GOD, and taking God at His Word– and thus ACTING ACCORDINGLY– was literally ALL that Noah had to do. Noah was living on RAW FAITH, just straight-up Trust in God, regardless of every other circumstance, and THAT was the powerful fuel for the blazing fire of HOPE in his soul, a hope for GOD’S FUTURE, for a NEW LIFE in a NEW WORLD, "where righteousness would be at home" (2 Peter 3:13). Of course he did not see the fulfillment of this in its entirety– No one will until Christ returns!– but he STILL believed in its REALITY, as it having been foreshadowed in the PROMISE of the cleansing Flood as a PATTERN, and thus necessarily flowing from the very CHARACTER of GOD, Who NEVER CHANGES HIS MIND (Job 23:13, Numbers 23:19) OR HIS PURPOSES (Hebrews 6:17, Isaiah 46:10), and therefore EVERYTHING He has willed at ONE time MUST be true for ALL time– so by FAITH Noah could even understand that there WAS to be an ULTIMATE fulfillment of this as-yet-incomplete Intention of God to "destroy all lawlessness" (Genesis 3:15, 6:11-13, Revelation 20:7-10) and thus restore the earth to its original purity and goodness (CCC 1042-1048, Genesis 1:31, Revelation 21:1). And THIS is really what the ENTIRE PLAN OF SALVATION IS ABOUT. Therefore, from the very beginning, FAITH has been about LOOKING FORWARD to GOD'S PROMISES and LIVING ACCORDING TO THAT FUTURE in such a way as to practically WITNESS TO ITS REALITY NOW. But true faith goes BEYOND time, of course, because SO DOES GOD, and DEATH IS NOT AND WAS NEVER GOD'S WILL FOR US (Wisdom 1:13-15); therefore IT WILL BE DEFEATED IN THE END, and indeed it HAS been THROUGH JESUS CHRIST, Who IS the FULFILLMENT of EVERY PROMISE because HE IS THE PLAN OF SALVATION, AND ALWAYS WAS (Mark 1:15, 1 Peter 1:18-21, Ephesians 1:3-12, 2 Timothy 1:19, Galatians 4:4, Romans 16:25-26)– AND BY HIS PASCHAL MYSTERY OF TOTALLY SELF-SACRIFICIAL LOVE (CCC 604-605, 616, 620) AND PERFECTLY FAITHFUL OBEDIENCE (CCC 606-607, 615, 623), WHICH OVERCOMES SIN AND DEFEATS DEATH (CCC 654, Romans 5:6-21)– AND WHICH ISRAEL'S ENTIRE HISTORY FORESHADOWED IN TYPES AND SIGNS (CCC 652, 1222)– JESUS UNLOCKS THE FLOODGATES OF GRACE AND RESTORES HUMANITY TO THE ETERNAL LIFE THEY WERE CREATED TO HAVE, BUT ONLY THROUGH CHRIST (CCC 001, 45, 54-55, 161, 163, 612, 658, 1721, 1726-1727, 1817, 1996-1998, 2009; Titus 1:2, 1 Peter 1:3, 1 John 2:24-25, 5:10-13, 2 Timothy 1:1, John 3:16+36, 6:47, 10:28, 11:25-26, 17:2-3, 20:31, Romans 6:23)!!! Therefore, ALL Faith in God's Promises ALWAYS means LIVING FOR ETERNITY through LIVING IN THE LIGHT OF CHRIST. This has been the truth since Adam and Eve. And so, for all of us, during our whole lives on earth, our faith is STILL lived out with a "view to the FUTURE," although Christ HAS come in history– because we STILL wait "in blessed hope" (Ephesians 4:4, Titus 2:11-14) not only for the Parousia (CCC 933; 1 Thessalonians 1:10, 2 Thessalonians 1:10-12, Philippians 3:20-21, 1 Peter 1:13-16), but even for our own death and judgment and entrance into eternity, because THAT is when– GOD WILLING, and ONLY by God's GRACE and MERCY and our COOPERATION with it (CCC 155, 311, 679, 1987-2029!, 2052-2055, 2061-2062, 2611, 2632; Matthew 7:21, 15:8, 19:17, John 3:3, 5:24, 6:29, 10:27, 13:34-35, Philippians 2:13, Romans 2:6-16, 5:1-2, 1 John 2:4, 3:18+23, James 1:22, 2:17+26)– we will receive ALL the Promises PERSONALLY through our UNION with Jesus Himself in heaven FOREVER.
But I have gone on so long with this blessed tangent that I have exhausted my thought processes.
So to conclude, and reconnect with the initiating statement, all the holy men and women of old, in LIVING BY FAITH in God and His Words– for our faith is ONLY REAL IF IT IS ACTED UPON– did so with their eyes and hearts set on "WHAT WAS TO COME," and yet only inasmuch as GOD SAID it was to come. They surrendered all thoughts as to timelines and circumstances, and simply WAITED and PREPARED and EXPECTED, because they TRUSTED, and so they OBEYED in the sense of conforming their every decision to God's Promises as if they were already a present reality. In this way, their entire lives demonstrated] the “ASSURANCE of things HOPED FOR". [They each lived with a new and shining and courageous] faith that looks FORWARD [to God's unfolding Plan, only recently begun to be revealed to mankind in earnest, an unimaginable to the human mind– but nevertheless everything that the human heart could ever desire, for their souls KNEW what and Whom they were made for and so when they heard God's Words of Promise, they RECOGNIZED Him, and REJOICED, and "left EVERYTHING to follow Him" (Matthew 4:20, Luke 11:28), wanting nothing else but what FAITH now saw ahead (Philippians 3:7-11), and NEVER LOOKING BACK.]

[The next] examples of faith [in the time of the Judges] clarify how faith OPERATES as “CONVICTION of things NOT SEEN" [and yet which are NOT IN THE FUTURE!!! Whereas the previous examples of faith dealt more with TIME, these deal more with SPACE??? This is the side of faith that BELIEVES IN SPIRITUAL REALITIES not merely "to come," but RIGHT HERE AND NOW.
"The unseen" refers to the TRUTH that in this very second we are surrounded by, even existing within, a greater and truer and eternal SPIRITUAL Reality, one that is completely undetectable to our physical senses, and which escapes the comprehension of science. And yet, it affects everything we do in this life, and it is the true location of the destiny towards which we are all headed].
[This is a] faith that looks UPWARD [as one looks to the sun behind the clouds, and the stars invisible past the blue sky, and TRUSTS that they are there nevertheless– just like Abraham did (Genesis 15:5-6), because God has ASSURED us that they ARE. This faith, having not only heard and trusted the WORDS of God, but ALSO having seen and believes the WORKS of God, doesn't so much "look ahead" for "further demonstrations"– as that, in this case, might actually weaken faith– as it "looks UP" when there ARE no "visible proofs" to be seen, STILL TRUSTING in what it NEVERTHELESS KNOWS BY FAITH, by REMEMBERING what God HAS said and done, and TRUSTING that GOD DOESN'T CHANGE. This side of faith is radically powerful and it even FUELS the other side ("looking forward") because it is ONLY through this gracious capacity to "FIX ONE'S EYES ON GOD HIMSELF," as a REALITY that both transcends and undergirds EVERYTHING– whether or not we feel or see this Reality at the moment– that we are ENABLED to LIVE by faith at ALL, because even when our life is oriented towards ETERNITY, we STILL have to deal with the RIGHT NOW, because OUR TODAY DETERMINES OUR FOREVER. And God IS WITH US TODAY, not just in the future, and we NEED to remember that, because ironically that is sometimes SO MUCH HARDER than believing in a unseen future, as our very visible today can easily (and often does) blind us with its contradictions and uncertainties and fears and (above all) sins. To have faith enough to "lift up our eyes" in the MIDST of all that– to look up at the stars even as we're lying in the gutter– THAT is a GREAT grace, and yet an ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY one for ALL Christians. And so, yes, GOD GIVES IT. Ironically, that door swings both ways– the grace IS ours to RECEIVE, as fully and completely as we ever need, if only we TRUST that God IS giving it to us, RIGHT THEN when we need it the most... right there in the darkness and dregs of life. And THAT is when the "forward" faith steps in to help the "upward" faith, because God's Promises never fail and they also never expire, and when Jesus promised to "be with you always" He made no exceptions. The moment you trust those words, and "look forward" to their "coming true" (because in your moment of anguish you probably cannot feel it IS true), then you CAN raise your eyes to heaven in HOPE– and AS YOU DO, God's "eternal Now" crashes into your temporal reality and you will KNOW His Words are true, FOR YOU, in that exact moment.
Am I rambling? This is hard to phrase. Let me return to the paragraph, because that helps sum it up.
"Upward" faith] TRUSTS that God is [RIGHT NOW] PRESENT in hardships, and that He GIVES STRENGTH TO ENDURE.
Here you SEE the ENERGY of faith that RESTS IN GOD in the MIDST of [even the most tumultuous] circumstances.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 This faith OVERCOMES the power of the devil AND the charms and difficulties of the world.
[INSANELY, THE DEVIL TEMPTS US IN REGARDS TO THIS WORLD, AND THUS WITH NO THOUGHTS OF ETERNAL OR SPIRITUAL REALITIES?????? SO SIN EXISTS IN A SPACE UTTERLY DEVOID OF FAITH AND HOPE????]

🌟🌟‼️‼️Moses's parents ENCOUNTERED the command of the mighty pharaoh BY their faith.
[Significant phrasing? They did NOT blindly or automatically or thoughtlessly "react" to it, EITHER to obey or refuse it; rather they "met" this command "in person," "face to face," without pretense or ignorance or dissociation or indifference, carefully looking at it and closely discerning it through the lens of FAITH, as they surely did for ALL their choices, and thus they responded with sobriety and intelligence, making an "informed decision," in the harmony of REASON and FAITH agreeing in SUBMISSION TO GOD.]

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️Ordinarily, people ARE to obey LEGAL law, but this was a situation where [the Pharaoh’s valid right to make and enforce a law was being ABUSED for both SELFISH and GRAVELY IMMORAL ends, and therefore] GOD was to be obeyed RATHER than men.
(Acts 4:19 = "You must judge whether IN GOD'S EYES it is right to listen to you and not to God!") [A subtle but bold moral challenge and rebuke to their persecutors = it obviously is NOT!]
(Acts 5:29 = "Obedience to God comes BEFORE obedience to men.") [A PRINCIPLE AT ALL TIMES!]

The FAITH of Moses's parents DISCOVERED in this child something exceptional to GOD. “They SAW he was a beautiful child”... beautiful TO GOD.
[This strikes me as so meaningful. If we don't have faith in God, then we cannot see God in other people. If we don't believe that God willed every soul to exist on purpose and for a purpose, then we won't see the irreplaceable value of every person we meet. If we don't trust that eternity exists and both heaven and hell are real and Jesus died for every person on earth, then we won't feel any need to protect and cherish and save every human life at any cost, especially in regards to the fate of their soul. Basically, without faith, we CANNOT "discover" the TRUE Beauty of ANYTHING, for all real and deep and lasting beauty IS "beauty to God"– for ALL beauty is HIS, a reflection of His Own Nature, and for His glory and praise in love.]
Therefore they did not deliver him into the hands of MURDERERS, but they hid him AT HOME.
[I don't know why that sentence hits especially hard for me, but it does. Maybe it's because our modern culture specifically refuses to use such horrifically accurate language to describe what is being done to countless innocent unborn children at this very moment, all around the world...]
‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️That was not an easy thing to do, especially because [the story seems to suggest] that their home was VERY CLOSE TO THE PALACE OF THE KING.
[This feels symbolically relevant?]
🌟🌟🌟🌟Nevertheless, THEY COUNTED ON IT THAT GOD WAS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF MOSES.
This is a beautiful example for all young parents who are aware of the BLOODTHIRSTINESS OF THE WORLD wherein they live and wherein their children also have to learn to find their way.
Faith COUNTS ON GOD for PROTECTION, AND MAKES EFFORT to PROTECT and GUIDE the child on its life path.
[ALWAYS COOPERATION!!!!]

Dreadful night.
Very poor sleep and terrifying nightmares– all about the house, sadly but unsurprisingly.
I'm still going. I have to. I have to be loyal to my mother.
God has been giving me sign after clear sign today that its the right thing to do.
I just beg Him to give me the grace of courage, to trust that He Who called me to it, will get me through it without a psychotic meltdown.
Lord Jesus, please help me to serve her as you would, and to serve You through serving her. Make me love her as You love her.


HAPPY FEAST DAY SAINT BARTHOLOMEW!!! ❤❤❤
https://youtu.be/3pYF0toKUk0?is=B2xsc0I8EmBKSt42
HE ALWAYS GETS ME OUT OF OCD HELL TOO

Dying roses are so soft
Shape and size of a heart in my hand

Bought Shahrooz a card– the perfect one. "Good man, good heart"
I will genuinely miss him so much. Maybe one day I really will get the opportunity to visit him in Ohio as he asked, haha. God only knows. But either way he will be forever in my prayers.
(I really need to make a list!)

SITUATIONAL HEADSHOT OF GRACE
https://youtube.com/shorts/eh8t_9OfeoE?is=C9NZWYFGS3I0NKFy

I forgot how soothing to my heart Ola Gjeilo's choir music is

SUPER LATE BK GOD PLEASE GET ME DONE ON TIME FOR MOM


Evening/Night=
TYPE ABOUT



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https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING = DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ The lusts of the flesh, the attractions of the world, the obligations of family relationships, the daily business worries of life, could have altogether been, in different WAYS and on different TIMES, enough "reason" for them to return [to the "homeland" they came from– both in a very intimately literal sense, as the land they had known since childhood, where all their relatives lived and ancestors had dwelt, where they knew all their neighbors and were known in return; the land where they indeed had owned houses and property and fields, and where they had made a living that they could rely on with security for their future, where they were accustomed enough to the rhythms and needs of work and home that they could manage it all with foresight; the land whose very topography was probably etched into their memory in beauty and fondness, in the sights and scents and sounds and textures of it all, familiar and consoling and embracing their every day; the land whose culture and traditions had formed them and shaped their daily lives, with its unique details and charms and memories, in food and clothes and recreation and even dialect; all those little idiosyncrasies of a literal "homeland" that are seeded into one's identity from birth into a unique family with a specific history in a particular society and which put down roots in every man– and in a larger metaphysical sense, to the "homeland" of all men born on earth, the "world" of sensible and visible things, the world of the eyes and the hands and the mouth, the world known by nature and experience, the world of the body and of the self, the world of time and space and "today" and "here" and "now"... the world of survival and suffering and sin. We tend to forget that part, when we focus on the good things we will "miss" about it if we leave it! But those good things are only good because they reflect their Good Creator (Romans 1:19-20). I keep citing those verses because they are so absolutely vital, for me too. The point is, when God calls us "out of the world," when God calls us out of our "natural homeland" of sense and society– and He DOES, and WILL, for EVERY Christian– we MUST realize that WE ARE LOSING NOTHING OF VALUE (Luke 9:23-25). In fact, we are GAINING the ONLY thing of ANY value (Mark 10:28-30). God calls us into a NEW LIFE where our vision and purpose EXPANDS to ETERNITY, where FAITH AWAKENS OUR SPIRITUAL SENSES to perceive TRULY REAL things that our bodies CANNOT, where our real home is no longer a particular geographical and sociological place but a HEAVENLY KINGDOM that embraces ALL peoples, and unites the WHOLE earth in a greater community. But how do we enter into this new life? ONLY BY GOD’S CALL, AND OUR TRUSTING RESPONSE. When He summons us by grace, we MUST take that grace into our hearts and ACT on it in OBEDIENCE, WITHOUT DOUBTING, WITHOUT LOOKING BACK. What can this poor broken world ever offer us that is greater than what God can give, and PROMISES to– the very God Who is the SOURCE and PERFECTION of EVERY good and beautiful and lovely thing we have ever experienced in this life? Would you really choose to cling to the (sin-sullied!) artwork and reject the pure Artist Himself, Who is effectively calling YOU to finally become His beautiful workmanship, which is your ACTUAL DESTINY (Ephesians 2:10)? He WILL renew and remake and restore and and redeem you, if you only FOLLOW Him in FAITH. GOD'S ONLY WILL FOR US IS OUR SALVATION. Do you trust and desire this enough to leave everything else behind to have it– to have HIM, the Savior? Will you leave behind everything of this world– will you even die to it (Colossians 2:6-23, 3:1-11)– in order to walk forward in pilgrimage to the next world, the true world, where you will live with God Himself, even IN His Son (Romans 6:8-11)? Because there is NO OTHER WAY to enter into eternity. There is NO OTHER WAY to inherit the Promises. You CANNOT live with one foot on earth and one in heaven; you CANNOT follow God to His Kingdom and yet keep checking back in on the earthly one you left. You CANNOT have two minds or half a heart with God. You CANNOT LIVE BY FAITH IN GOD'S WORDS IF YOU KEEP FOCUSING ONLY ON WHAT YOU CAN SEE. You cannot enter the heavenly homeland if you won't let go of all your rights and ties to the old one. You cannot enter the Promised Land if you keep yearning for Egypt. You get the idea. You have to FORFEIT IT ALL in order to receive infinitely more. If you are too fond of sensual pleasures and experiences, too attached to certain possessions and activities, too fearful of offending or upsetting others, too reluctant to surrender your achievements and ambitions, too doubtful to trust anyone else's judgments but your own... then you will never enter through the narrow gate. You have to "take nothing for the journey" (Luke 9:3); you have to "sell everything you own" (Luke 18:22). Your hands have to be empty, or they will never be able to hold on to God... and they will never be able to hold the nails (Romans 6:6, Galatians 5:24, 6:14+17).
And so I must conclude with the vital warning on the words "reason to return." This is worldly reason, a corrupted reason even, based on self and survival. Such reason functions according to sense and security, and on its own it has no capacity for faith in God, because it will ONLY trust what it can see and test and prove and verify by SENSE and EXPERIENCE. Such reason WOULD think "returning" was the best idea, just like Israel did in the wilderness of the Exodus– for THAT is the PATTERN of EVERY call of God "out of the world"; it is TRULY an EXODUS, a deliverance from slavery, even at the loss of all the luxuries of the society of our slavemasters!– because in the desert, they COULD NOT SEE any way to survive according to their own logic and their own strengths. They SAW no food, no water, no shelter, no road, no destination. Their problem was that they had ALREADY FORGOTTEN what they HAD SEEN BEFORE THIS– the miracles of the PLAGUES (punishment for sin and resistance to God's Will), the PASSOVER (literal deliverance from death as a result of obeying God's command), and the RED SEA (miraculous passage through what would otherwise have been not only an impossible obstacle but also certain death, and the destruction of their pursuing enemies in the process). We can SURELY apply ALL of those things to our OWN life experiences in their own right. How many times have you experienced the consequences of sin– of your own Pharaohnic disobedience to God's command to "let my child go free to worship Me"? How many times have you offered up a desperate prayer and found yourself suddenly and almost incomprehensibly carried through, despite all your own ideas and efforts? And we cannot ever know how many times we, simply by doing what God has commanded us even just in conscience, have been saved from death and destruction! Just take a minute and look back on your life with humble openness and seriously LOOK FOR the blessings and miracles– you WILL find them, and so many it will shock you. Will you now question His constant Presence and Love in your life? Will you now ignore God's Words when He speaks to you? Will you now doubt His Promises to you? Will you now suspect the reality of what He has declared as Truth? If you do, then you are incorrigibly blind and your heart is fatally hardened and cold. Your only hope is an absolute firestorm of grace. But if you have looked upon your life and RECOGNIZED the Hand of God in it all, and have RESPONDED to this revelation with HOLY FEAR and AWE and GRATITUDE and HUMILITY, then you WILL remember His Love and Presence; you WILL listen to His Words; you WILL trust His Promises; you WILL believe in the realities of His Truth, and you WILL make it through the desert to the Promised Land because you WILL HAVE FAITH THAT GOD WILL REMAIN FAITHFUL. In the Light of God's Powerful Love, all the treasures of Egypt are but dirty ashes. Why would you ever go back to that, to that sterile shackled life, when God is calling you to adventure, to journey WITH Him– into the desert, yes, but the desert that He will turn into Paradise itself with His Redeeming Presence (Isaiah 35), and which will become the very place where Divine Love blooms (Jeremiah 2:2-3), through that most precious flower of FAITH, and its beautiful fruit of FIDELITY, by the seed of GRACE, and the miraculous waters of LOVE, pouring forth from the very Heart of the Rock of Ages Himself, for you.
So THIS is what you MUST show to your reason. If it has any true sense at all, then it will ACQUIESCE to the HIGHER authority and TRUER proofs of FAITH, and will AGREE with it that YES, GOD IS TO BE TRUSTED, because even LOGIC can CLEARLY SEE that to trust this God Who has NEVER FAILED YOU is literally the MOST REASONABLE THING you can possibly do. But only FAITH can give you the ULTIMATE reason, which is that GOD IS TRUTH, as we discussed yesterday. Reason can come close to that conclusion but can never "verify" it scientifically. That's when Faith MUST gently but powerfully step in and take over the controls, lifting reason up beyond its own capacity entirely, by the transformative transcendence of GRACE– the Spirit of LOVE and TRUST, the heart of a CHILD OF GOD. In the end that's what it ALL comes down to, and ONLY the children eat the Bread of God, the HOPE that MERCIFULLY sustains them through ALL their desert years, which is "new every morning" and gives them TRUE life (John 6:48-51).
But if we don't have the pure trust of a child, if we don't remember what God has done (Deuteronomy 4:9, Psalm 77-78, 103-107, 145-147), and if we don't take God at His Word (John 2:5, 6:29, Luke 5:5, Genesis 26:5), then we will have "reason to return"... and we will lose everything (John 6:66).
Jesus asks us this question every single day in our pilgrimage, just as he asked His disciples, and as He asked every Israelite of old, when they were faced with a decision between natural reason and supernatural faith– "Will you also go away?" (John 6:67) Will you also return to Egypt, to Ur, to the world?], but THEY DID NOT. ["Lord, to whom else would we go? YOU ALONE have the WORDS of ETERNAL LIFE. We have BELIEVED and CONFIDENTLY TRUSTED, and (even more) we have come to KNOW (by PERSONAL OBSERVATION and EXPERIENCE) that YOU are the Holy One of God (the CHRIST, the Son of the living God)." (John 6:68-69) When WE BELIEVE this, and TRUST this, and thus come to KNOW this– when we SEE and EXPERIENCE this, BOTH through senses AND through faith– then WE, TOO, WILL NEVER TURN BACK. Our hearts will LONG for that BETTER homeland, for that ETERNAL reality, for that TRUE LOVE and REAL LIFE that ONLY GOD CAN GIVE, and has PROMISED to give, and HAS GIVEN US IN HIS SON. The secret to "never turn back," the ONLY way to NEVER have any "reason to return," is to instead have a REASON to CONTINUE, and that Reason is JESUS CHRIST. HE is our reward, our hope, our joy, our desire, our strength, our light, our life. HE is the destination of our pilgrimage. HE is the Promise we trust in. HE is the "YES" that our hearts sing.
Our flesh will be transformed and resurrected in Him (Philippians 3:20-21, 1 Corinthians 15:42-49, Romans 8:10-11). This world will be restored and redeemed in Him (Romans 8:20-21, 2 Peter 3:13, Isaiah 65:17). Our families will be saved and sanctified in Him (Acts 2:39, 16:31). Our daily business will be all about Him. (Colossians 3:17, 23-24, Ephesians 5:1-2, Galatians 5:25, 1 John 2:6) There is literally nothing to go back to, because Jesus changes EVERYTHING.]

[Technically,] Abraham COULD have returned, for he was NOT THROWN OFF his country. [God did NOT "tear him out of it" by disaster or some other violent means, and He did NOT threaten Abraham, as if he was forbidden to return "or else"! No, God simply told Abraham to leave in obedience, and then left everything up to his free will. The only "coercion" God gave was a Promise of BLESSING for his obedience– and it seems that, if Abraham had decided that wasn't worth it, then God wasn't going to argue with him. In any case this is useless conjecture. The point is that God did not put any barriers up between Abraham and Ur. God did not remove the option to turn back. The entire time of his journey, Abraham fully retained the freedom of will and opportunity to "give up and go home," IF he indeed STILL considered Ur TO be his home. However, Abraham's faith proves that he did NOT. When God called him to leave it all behind, with nothing more than a command and a Promise to follow in faith, Abraham did NOT stop and debate or ask questions or bargain for exceptions or ask for time to "give it one last go-around". He wasn't forced, he wasn't manipulated, he wasn't obligated.] HE FREELY DEPARTED from there.
[And so, despite the real and good beauty of Canaan that so bewitched Lot], Abraham REMAINS LONGING for the city of GOD [which he KNOWS by FAITH is Infinitely better and more real and more beautiful than ANY land God could give him on earth– because the TRUE Beauty of ANY city is GOD PRESENT WITHIN IT.]

[Notes to type later = God ALSO does this for US? He NEVER FORCES, and His Promises ALWAYS STAND, whenever we obey His command, even after we've "turned back" a hundred times???? He STILL CALLS US because He CANNOT "revoke" His call??? But WE can REJECT grace and REFUSE to respond??? BUT THE CROSS STANDS FOREVER.]
[Also note that sometimes God DOES "throw off" our old country, like through literally losing a household to disaster, or losing one's right to a property, through being evicted, becoming homeless, or even being exiled, through losing a job or career or education, through going bankrupt, through losing one's possessions to disaster or theft or debt, even through losing our physical capacities through illness or disability, etc. God does ALL these things and more to PREVENT us from EVER going back to our Ur or Egypt when He KNOWS that ANY ATTEMPT to do so– or even the mere POSSIBILITY to do so– would be SO SERIOUSLY DANGEROUS TO OUR SOUL that He in His Merciful Love REFUSES to expose us to such a risk.]

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ God is not ashamed of such believers. He JOYFULLY bears THEIR name as HIS ‘FAMILY name’... Do you think that He would joyfully bear YOUR name as ‘family name’ also? He surely WOULD, if you ALSO see the REALITY of that heavenly country and heavenly city [that He HAS PROMISED TO YOU, TOO, as YOUR HOME], and if you LIVE UP TO THAT.
[THIS IS SUCH MARRIAGE LANGUAGE and it HITS SO HARD. After all, in Hebrew culture, when the bride gets married, she MOVES IN TO THE BRIDEGROOM'S HOME– and SCRIPTURE EXPLICITLY REFERS TO PARTS OF THE MARITAL PROCESS MULTIPLE TIMES, in John 3:29, 14:2-3, Matthew 22:1-14, 25:1-13, Luke 12:35-38, Revelation 19:7-9!!]
[LOOK INTO THIS MORE =]
(https://thebiblerunner.wordpress.com/2010/05/25/john-14-1-3-and-the-jewish-marriage-analogy/)
(https://www.bibleversestudy.com/johngospel/john3-bride-and-bridegroom.htm)
(https://ccic-iowa.org/en/bible-faith/devotional-notes)
And now I finally understand why some saints are called "of Jesus," "of the Trinity," "of the Cross," etc.!! This is SO BEAUTIFUL and SO POWERFUL.]
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ His city is READY to WELCOME YOU. GOD TOOK CARE OF THAT. It is the INHERITANCE that is PREPARED in the heavens and that is WELL RESERVED FOR YOU there (1 Peter 1:4).
[...Let this hit home and sink in. You are not an exception.]

Tragically I cannot keep the plush
Apparently I'm having VOCS reaction to the polyester???
I'll let it air out for a week. If I'm still getting instant dyspnea and nasal constriction every time I breathe near the fabric I will have to donate it.

Actually, Mimic is asking me to. This is unprecedented.
We never actually thought about how anchor plushes work before. Only Chaos 0 and Celebi have ever really had them; all the Pokemon outspacers never had any System-anchored presences so that's a totally different thing. But I guess we just assumed that if you bought someone an anchor plush, they'd be able to use it. 
Apparently that's not the case. Mimic didn't realize until he had the actual opportunity that he is absolutely not comfortable with having that sort of "split-level" presence. He does not want to "exist in the physical space" as well as upstairs-- he's obviously disturbed by the "dual location" idea itself, but I think he's also rattled by the idea of being in the world and not just upstairs. And we never realized that could be upsetting for someone, because nousfoni are so used to moving in and out of the body to do their jobs, but outspacers do not do that. Outspacers actually DON'T EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO FRONT unless they are given explicit permission by the Core. But we never realized that this fact apparently affects their capacity to be in the physical at ALL.
So yeah, Mimic actually has decided-- and explicitly told me-- that he wants to "stay inside."
...I think that's better, too. His personality really doesn't fit an anchor plush. He's far too private, too reserved, too sober. He likes to stay out of the spotlight, he doesn't like being in a space where he can suddenly be called on without warning, as it were-- and that's really the whole purpose of an anchor plush: to facilitate instant immediate contact. That is NOT his thing. I'm sorry I didn't even realize any of this before I bought it, but at least now we have learned some very important information, and I am grateful for that.
Plus, hey, at least now some StH fan gets a significantly reduced price plushie of my beloved octopus, haha. It just breaks my heart that they won't see him as I do, in this "real life redemption arc". It hurts so much that he was written as a villain with no way out, despite that absolutely heartwrenching backstory they gave him (as brief and constricted as it was). 
Nevertheless, he has a new life with us now. He has a future that doesn't end in suicide. He has hope and he has the opportunity to make amends and he is loved. That's what matters. 


RUNNING LATE AGAIN THIS HAPPENS EVERY SATURDAY
LORD JESUS DO YOUR THING I TRUST IN YOU 🙏🙏🙏🙏


Evening =
DEVASTATINGLY TIRED. Can barely move or think straight. 
Why does this happen every single Saturday??? Is it because we have to eat so early? And/or is it because of the obligatory social interactions and vocal exertion?
No strength to do laundry as a result; we'll have to wait until next weekend at least

Update = Apparently God knew why we cannot do laundry today.
Mom wants us to come back up the house this week to LITERALLY PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF IN APRIL.
...This is insane. This is terrifying. After all the times we said no, and gave her good reasons, and backed up our refusals with authority figures, and even displayed severe symptoms when we overrode our own good judgment, and even when the April hell LITERALLY MADE US ATTEMPT SUICIDE, she STILL CANNOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. She keeps saying, "one day you'll get over it." She hasn't stopped asking and every time she frames it as I've been holding up the entire house renovation project for months because apparently, no one else on the planet can sand the old paint off three feet of her bedroom wall. 
Is this her strange way of trying to "force" me to "move back in" eventually, as she also keeps hinting at for all four of her kids? Is this her strange way of trying to find a way to spend time with me? I don't know. I'm just... i want to sob because I cannot deny the fact that I am SCARED TO DEATH of that house and yet I am SO ASHAMED because I STILL CAN'T VERBALIZE WHY to her and so to her mind THAT FEAR IS INVALID AND UNREAL. (and she will NOT give ANY CREDENCE to our explanations when we DO try)
And my faith keeps telling me, "you need to sacrifice everything for her." "You need to sacrifice yourself to be whatever she needs you to be."
Nevermind the fact that my own priest, and all my therapists, keep telling me NOT TO.
...but she won't take no for answer. She will not take no for an answer. And the more she pushes, and the more upset she gets that I'm "holding everything up" and basically preventing her from having the future she wants, the more I feel like I am abusing her by not wanting to do that chore because of the environment of physiological horror I have to endure for four solid hours in order to do so. 
Am I just an idiot weakling coward for feeling that way? CAN I just turn it off and get over it like she says?
...I guess I'll find out this week. God help me. 




------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------


https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING =  DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

...In Hebrews 11:8-22, the main point is the PERSEVERANCE  of faith. The examples show believers who WALK AS PILGRIMS [in this world, as those specifically & intentionally & purposefully & perseveringly & untiringly walking on the road to HEAVEN, as their ONE GOAL, no matter how rough and difficult and hard the road may be, refusing to stop or stray or get distracted, refusing to turn back or even think about doing so– for these pilgrims are doing more than just "visiting" heaven; they are "MIGRATING" there, knowingly and entirely leaving behind everything in the "old world" in order to be FREE to make this most arduous journey to the "new world," indeed the "new age of Christ," the Kingdom of God. Their entire identity in this world therefore was one of someone "passing through on the way." They are NOT "tourists" here; they are NOT "sightseeing"; they are NOT interested in the "lesser attractions" of the entertainments this fallen world offers them as they walk through it, hoping to profit from them thereby, and maybe keep them here for that purpose. But no, these pilgrims do not even carry a moneybag; in fact they don't carry anything extraneous to their mission, and have no desire to accumulate anything (Matthew 6:19-21, 10:9-10); their hearts are set on reaching God's House for the Wedding Feast and everything else is irrelevant. They have been called, and so they run, with no other desire in this world, with no other joy in their hearts, with no other hope for the future– and they do all this ONLY] in the POWER of FAITH that God SHALL fulfill His promises, even though that fulfillment still SEEMS to be so far away [and yet that doesn't matter– they will walk with total trust and commitment regardless. Even if they were to walk from the moment of birth to the moment of death, so they shall walk. Even if they were to walk through unending storms and on the most jagged paths, with hunger and thirst and exhaustion and sickness, still they will walk, because they know WHERE they are going, and WHY– because of WHO has commanded them TO walk. God has PROMISED them a Kingdom (Luke 12:32, Daniel 7:27, Matthew 25:34, Hebrews 12:28); God has PROMISED them a Savior (Acts 13:23, Luke 2:11, Jeremiah 23:5); God has PROMISED them a new heart and new spirit (Ezekiel 11:19-20, 36:25-27, Jeremiah 24:7, 31:33, Deuteronomy 30:6); God has PROMISED them forgiveness and redemption (Jeremiah 31:34, 50:20, Isaiah 38:17, 43:25, 44:22, Colossians 1:13-14, 2:13, Matthew 26:28, 1 John 1:19); God has PROMISED them eternal life (Isaiah 26:19, Ezekiel 37:12-14, Daniel 12:2, Acts 24:15, John 11:25-26, 1 John 2:25, Titus 1:2, 1 Peter 1:3-4)! You see now why these pilgrims are unshakable in their journey? You see now why everything this earth could possibly offer is "nothing and emptiness" (Isaiah 40:17) and doomed to disappear (Ecclesiastes 2:10-11, Luke 12:19-21, 1 Timothy 6:7), utter rubbish even (Philippians 3:8), and even a danger to our very lives (1 Timothy 6:9-10, James 5:1-3, Luke 16:13, Ezekiel 7:19, Matthew 13:22, 1 John 2:15-17)– completely worthless and meaningless compared to the eternal treasure of the Words and Will of God (Matthew 6:19-21, 16:25-26, Luke 12:33-34, 1 Timothy 6:17-19, Colossians 3:1-2, 1 Peter 1:3-4)?
His Word has called us to our true home, to our true destiny, to our true purpose and joy and life– there is no other path to walk. This pilgrimage defines our earthly existence. To neglect it, to abandon it, to stop walking, to turn around altogether– all this is death. But we can ONLY walk this road to heaven IF WE BELIEVE IN THE WORD OF THE ONE THAT CALLED US TO IT, AND WHO WILL GET US THERE, IF WE BUT TRUST HIM TO. (Hebrews 10:23, Philippians 1:6, 2 Timothy 1:12, 1 Peter 1:3-5, 5:10, 2 Peter 2:10-11, 1 Thessalonians 2:12, 5:9, 2 Thessalonians 2:13-14, 5:24, Romans 4:21, 8:28-32, John 6:37-40, 10:28-29, Psalm 138:7-8, 1 Corinthians 1:8-9, Ephesians 1:3-14).
"Lord, to whom else shall we go? You alone have the words of eternal life; You are our only hope." (John 6:68)
"By your patient endurance and steadfast faithfulness, empowered by the Holy Spirit, you will preserve your souls and gain eternal life... By continuing to stay strong in your faith in God, holding fast to Him in all things, you will save your souls... never give up trusting in Him, and you will win true life." (Luke 21:19)
So WE MUST PERSEVERE IN FAITH & TRUST, EXPRESSED THROUGH OBEDIENT ACTION, AT ANY AND ALL COSTS. WE MUST LOVE GOD ABOVE ALL THINGS AND IN ALL THINGS. WE MUST ALWAYS REMEMBER, AND CONFESS, THAT WE ARE PILGRIMS, HEADED TO OUR HEAVENLY HOMELAND, AND REJOICE IN THIS, EVEN IN WHAT WE MUST SUFFER AS RESULT. WE MUST LIVE WITH OUR EYES FIXED ON THE CROSS, AND ON THE EMPTY TOMB, AND ON OUR SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST, WHO WE FOLLOW AT EVERY STEP ON THIS PILGRIMAGE TO BOTH. WE MUST WALK WITH GOD ON THIS JOURNEY, TRUSTING HIS LEAD AS OUR SHEPHERD AND KING, OR WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO WALK AT ALL.]

🔔🔔🔔🔔 Each faith hero from the past ILLUSTRATES CERTAIN ASPECTS of faith that should ALSO CHARACTERIZE the Hebrews [and ALL CHRISTIANS-- so STUDY IT and MAKE ACTUAL ACTIVE EFFORTS to IMITATE them in your own life].
🌟🌟🌟❓❓❓[This litany of heroically faithful men, recounting the  particular ways in which their faith in God was demonstrated by their responses to His Words,] ALTOGETHER REFERS TO THE "FUTURE AGE" [OF CHRIST, when He would become Incarnate,] and particularly to the "HEAVENLY SIDE" of [His Kingdom, at the Parousia???].
[So their faithful actions, in accordance to what God Promised, could therefore be categorized as any of the following? = 1. REFLECTIONS of Christ in a typological manner (e.g. the Akedah), 2. Foreshadowing true fulfillment THROUGH Christ (e.g. the Exodus from Egypt?), 3. Temporal promises with their full realization ONLY in the "New heavens and new earth" (e.g. the Promised Land)??????
In any case even if my brain is too dumb to "reason this out" on my own (as I always make things too complicated anyway), the ONE TRUTH THAT MATTERS still stands– regardless of the particulars of each Promise of God, and regardless of the many different ways in which God's people responded to them in faith, EVERY PROMISE OF GOD ALWAYS BEGINS AND ENDS IN JESUS CHRIST, THE INCARNATE WORD. So we don't have to fuss over analysis. We can have FAITH in THIS Truth, too, that in some way, EVERY example of faith in this chapter of Hebrews DOES =
point to the COMING of Christ,
reflect the LIFE of Christ,
illustrate the WORK of Christ,
demonstrate the CHARACTER of Christ,
define the CHURCH of Christ,
prepare for the RETURN of Christ.
You get the idea! In essence, EVERY example of faith we are given both here AND IN ALL SCRIPTURE as a whole, SHOWS us HOW to WALK WITH CHRIST, for HE is the BEGINNING and the END of ALL HUMAN HISTORY, and EVERY WORD OF GOD SPEAKS OF HIM, WHO IS THAT WORD. That's the only lens we need to look through with this, with the express intention to SEE Christ in it all BY FAITH, and thus to FOLLOW Him in those ways as we come to know and recognize them, because these events are patterns and types of the Church and God is STILL working them in OUR lives as the BODY of Christ through His Holy Spirit!!!! ALL Christians WILL be called out of Ur, called to live as sojourners, called to sacrifice our Isaac, called to forsake Pharaoh’s house to suffer with God's people, called to leave Egypt and walk through the Red Sea, called to die in sure hope of deliverance... called to walk onwards into the unknown without fear "as one who could see the Invisible," for truly we CAN, in the Face of Jesus, the "pioneer of our faith," our LORD and Leader and Captain and King and Brother and Friend and Bridegroom. HE should characterize our life, not anymore as a distant PROMISE but as a PRESENT PERSON, and indeed He CAN, and WILL, be this for us, in His SACRAMENTS and by His SPIRIT, IF WE ONLY BELIEVE THAT HE CAN AND WILL AND WANTS TO AND IS. I cannot emphasize enough that in the end the ONLY OBSTACLE, AND THE ONLY OPEN DOOR, IS OUR FREE CHOICE TO TRUST GOD (CCC 2002). GOD HAS GIVEN US THE GRACE; HE OFFERS IT TO ALL MANKIND IN ALL AGES THROUGH JESUS CHRIST, AND IN HIM GOD DOES MAKE HIS GRACE AVAILABLE ALWAYS (Council of Trent Canon 17 Session 6, CCC 2001, Diary 1182, 1 Timothy 2:3-4, Titus 2:11, 2 Corinthians 9:8). BUT WE MUST OPEN OUR HEARTS TO RECEIVE THAT GRACE, THROUGH FAITH– OR WE WILL LOSE IT ALTOGETHER (Matthew 13:12, 25:29).
[ALSO I never considered to check this treasure trove before but WOW = (Diary 146, 291, 367, 392, 580, 595, 687, 690, 699, 715, 738(??!!), 776, 1017, 1107, 1170, 1220, 1315, 1385, 1447, 1449, 1484-1486????? (STUDY HARD), 1507, 1570, 1577, 1578, 1602, 1641, 1682, 1687, 1698, 1719, 1728(!!!), 1743, 1744, 1747, 1758, 1777, 1784, !!!]
[HONESTLY THOUGH I'M LEARNING THAT I MIGHT BE ENTIRELY WRONG IN MY ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT WHAT GRACE REALLY IS AND HOW GRACE "WORKS". I MUST HUMBLY ADMIT MY IGNORANCE AND BEG GOD TO TEACH ME AND LEAD ME TO LEARN MORE, AS MUCH AS HE WILLS FOR ME, FOR MY SAKE AND THE SAKE OF OTHERS THROUGH ME.]

🚫🚫🚫🚫 The previous faith heroes were not called to abandon anything, but Abraham HAS to do that [as the initial COMMAND upon his obedience of faith].
[Abraham was the only one explicitly called to do so, BUT, IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE WAYS, EVERY HERO OF FAITH MUST "ABANDON" SOMETHING TO FOLLOW GOD!!! Isaac HAD to "abandon" his own natural youthly desire to live in the Akedah AND his later fatherly desire to bless Esau; Jacob HAD to "abandon" his father's house and his own desires of marriage; Joseph HAD to "abandon" the comforts of home and family and even of freedom and reputation; Moses HAD to abandon his privileged position and political opportunity and even his own notions of himself; and the nation of Israel HAD to abandon everything that was familiar and stable and predictable about their life before God called them out of the world– and ALL of these abandonments were the DIRECT RESULTS OF RESPONDING TO GOD IN FAITH, IN ORDER TO DO HIS WILL, even if He didn't specifically demand such renunciations! BUT THEY WERE STILL NECESSARY PARTS OF THEIR "WALKS OF FAITH". You cannot follow God wholeheartedly if you don't let go of everything else you're clinging to first. God's call to abandonment is INEVITABLE for EVERY soul that truly desires to be faithful to Him, and BY your faith, He WILL give you the GRACE to do it.]

When God calls Abraham, he goes, [and that's it– he simply GOES, simply "gets up and leaves," walking out the door and down the road without a map or a compass or a plan, and not looking back, simply because GOD TOLD HIM TO LEAVE. The details would come later– God WOULD show Abraham where he was going, but perhaps NOT UNTIL HE ARRIVED! So Abraham literally starts out blind, faithfully and humbly doing exactly what God has asked him to do, without any additions or subtractions– to DEPART for another land,] even though he doesn’t know [any identifying details about] where he will end up. [In this active way,] the faith of Abraham SHOWS [not only a full TRUST, but also] a FULL CONFIDENCE IN GOD. [Abraham BELIEVED God, not only in the TRUTH of the PROMISE given, but also in the CHARACTER of God, that He WOULD ALSO LEAD Abraham TO it, and to PROVIDE for him on the way, and most of all would GIVE ABRAHAM THE GRACE TO PERSEVERE??? Because surely Abraham recognized that, no matter how much he WILLED to obey and trust and follow God into the unknown, his natural inclinations would be fighting him– they would resist the loss of all familiar comforts, they would fear the risks of famine & storm, they would worry at the absence of all concrete helps of direction or expectation, they might even doubt the reality of the Divine command itself! But Abraham had FAITH that was STRONGER than mere selfish survival instinct, and he surely KNEW that IF GOD CALLED, GOD WOULD ENABLE THE RESPONSE. THAT was the TRUE confidence– the total conviction that if he just said YES and TOOK THAT FIRST DECISIVE STEP, with his FREE WILL FIXED ON OBEDIENCE TO GOD'S WILL DESPITE EVERYTHING, then GOD WOULD "STEP IN" AND SUPPLY HIM WITH EVERYTHING HE NEEDED TO CONTINUE IN THAT FAITHFUL WALK. Abraham KNEW he COULDN'T do it in his "own strength." He had NO CONFIDENCE IN SELF. But this ENABLED him to have ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE IN GOD. And God "HONORED" that childlike trust with Fatherly fidelity and generosity. Abraham’s faith "opened the door" for that available and necessary grace to be poured into his soul. If Abraham had doubted God's willingness or capacity to help, or thought that he would have to "do things on his own," then he would have shut the door to the very fountain of blessings that God was waiting to give in ready response to Abraham’s faithful "fiat"!]
Abraham had NOTHING [BUT GOD'S COMMAND AND PROMISE] TO FOCUS ON; he KNEW NOTHING of the land he was guided to– not a NAME of anything, nor ANY PARTICULARITIES [of it whatsoever, in terms of distance or appearance or resources or population, etc. But he did not need nor seek these things, because] GOD WAS SUFFICIENT FOR HIM. He did not ask: ‘Where do I go?’ [nor even, 'are we getting close?' Or 'how much longer?' No, Abraham simply WALKED, and let GOD do ALL the talking.] HIS FAITH WAS NOT MIXED WITH HIS OWN CALCULATIONS. He trusted on the Word of the God Who CANNOT DECEIVE. [And BECAUSE of that simple fact, HE HAD NO NEED TO MAKE ANY CALCULATIONS!!!]

The life of Abraham is the GREAT EXAMPLE of [every Christian, made a "descendant of Abraham" by FAITH in Jesus Christ and through BAPTISM into His spiritual lineage,] who is ALSO CALLED [BY GOD, THROUGH GRACE, INTO HIS CHURCH].
🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔 The CRUCIAL POINT of the CALLING is the PROMISE. To OBTAIN the Promise, YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING. You ONLY do that when you TRUST that HE WHO CALLS YOU IS EVERYTHING, and that HE HAS A BETTER WORLD FOR YOU: a world FILLED WITH HIS GLORY IN CHRIST.
[...This hits so hard but it makes solemn sense. God's Promises DO call us "out of the world," and "out of our old life," and "out of ourselves," into a totally new world and life and identity, one irreversibly re-established IN GOD, and in the unseen, and in eternity. To accept God's Promise as REAL means to shape our whole existence around it, because it literally changes everything-- it brings us INTO THE LIFE OF CHRIST HIMSELF, and He basically REDEFINES REALITY AND OUR VERY WAY OF EXISTING IN IT-- because living in Christ means LIVING HIS PASSION, and that means DYING WITH HIM (Luke 9:23-25, John 12:24-26, 2 Corinthians 5:14-15, Philippians 1:21, Galatians 2:20, 5:24, 6:14, Colossians 3:3, Revelation 12:11). So in a very real and honestly shocking sense, because they are all sourced in and centered on and fulfilled in Jesus Christ, all of God's Promises REQUIRE A DEATH TO SELF. And that means to embrace ANY one of His Promises, you MUST first let go of everything of this world and of your own self-will. You HAVE to give up EVERYTHING "ELSE" in order to hold EVERYTHING THAT IS. (Matthew 6:24, James 2:5, 4:4, Romans 8:5, 1 John 2:15-17, Luke 14:26)
...I need to reflect a LOT more on this.]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️🔔🔔🔔🔔The obedience of Abraham was IMMEDIATE [because it was DEVOID OF SELF-INTEREST]. His obedience was NOT ROOTED IN ANY CHARM OF WHAT WAS PRESENTED TO HIM, but [SOLELY] IN THE GLORY OF HIM WHO SPOKE.
[Abraham sought NO "GLORY" OF HIS OWN in this; he NEVER asked, "what will I gain from this?" And he NEVER thought, "I'll do it, because I want what you're offering." No, Abraham obeyed God BECAUSE GOD GAVE THE COMMAND. His TRUE treasure, his TRUE reward, was TO DO GOD'S WILL, and to GLORIFY HIS NAME THEREBY.]

Finally renewed Spotify, the INSTANT it ran out haha. God's timing is perfect

Decided to walk to Mass again because it's a BEAUTIFUL morning and we'll probably hitch a ride home with Stephanie later
If not then hey, more walking! If we made it through yesterday we can absolutely make it through today too.

Trying 1½ broccoli bags. Extra calories & volume are very scary but honestly I think our body does need more food.
We are still objectively very underweight, even if that part of our psyche doesn't think so.

Mom call about pysanky classes
Still insisting I come back up the house, after six different people told me not to
God should I priorize her wants over everything else though?

New lady drove me home from church BUT SHE HAD A NEW CAR TOO so now I've been lightheaded & struggling to breathe & think straight for THREE WHOLE HOURS.
That's it, from now on I am WALKING HOME

Startlingly relevant to everything lately =
https://youtu.be/A1zEQQkajmQ?is=TvOzshJLn_FPYypf



Evening =

Julie & Knife talking about the unmarked graveyard in the Pink Realm
How this actually ties into the promise of redemption & resurrection
Something about how they have no names on them because death has been defeated??? And the graves are empty now???


Night =

another panic bp
God this is four in one week what is happening to me
oh God please help me im scared




------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING = DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

‼️‼️‼️ The characteristic of the faith of Enoch is that he had a HIDDEN relationship with God [because no actual details of it are given in Scripture; this is simply because God did not deem such an account necessary; the witness of the miraculous conclusion of Enoch's life was testimony enough to what sort of a life he HAD lived, even if no other human being had ever "seen" his daily faithfulness. THIS is what God wanted us to learn from Enoch– we DO NOT have to be "publicly recognized" for our faith; the witness of men is NOT NECESSARY for the "validity" of our walk with God BECAUSE we're walking with GOD first and foremost. We DO NOT need human approval or validation in order to be "truly faithful" to God, and in fact, NOT getting it at ALL actually "forces" us to be even MORE committed to God, because there is NO external support or encouragement or recognition of our efforts to keep steadfast fidelity, and therefore we are "weaned" off of such a childish need for human praise and confirmation and instead learn to LET GO of ALL "expectation of earthly reward" and seek ONLY to PLEASE GOD for GOD'S OWN SAKE, because we LOVE HIM and HE DESERVES EVERYTHING WE HAVE TO GIVE, in pure JUSTICE. Basically, when our lives are hidden from the world, utterly unseen and unnoticed and unimportant to others, even forgotten by history, but we STILL remain faithful to God and seek to please Him in everything we do, THAT is a POWERFUL and TRUE walk of faith, because it has been PURIFIED by the utter exclusion from the world, a life REFINED from all competing earthly distractions so as to be FOR GOD ALONE. This is living "IN THE WILDERNESS" with God, "IN THE DESERT" devoid of material consolation where God claims our hearts solely for Himself, as He becomes our ONLY hope and help, our ONLY provider and protection (Deuteronomy 1:30-31+33, 8:2-6+15-16, 29:4-5, 32:10-12, Nehemiah 9:19-21, Psalm 78:12-16+52-54, 136:16, Isaiah 63:11-14, Hosea 13:4-5), and thus through these genuinely trying and prolonged exercises of faith God becomes our ONLY joy and desire and care, our only support and shield and safety, and RIGHTLY SO– and this deep healing and proper reorienting of our hearts transforms even those apparently barren places into a paradise (Isaiah 35, 41:17-20, 43:19-21, 44:1-5, 51:1-3, 58:11, Psalm 107:31-37, Ezekiel 36:33-36), even a honeymoon (Jeremiah 2:2, Hosea 2:15-25, Isaiah 62:4-5, Song of Solomon 8:5) (even Luke 4:1 and Revelation 12:6+14– both Jesus and His Mother have sanctified the desert in faith). THIS is what Enoch's silent example– his quietly hidden yet abundantly fruitful marriage to God (Psalm 27:4-5, 128:3)– teaches us.]

‼️‼️‼️‼️ With Noah, you SEE how his faith MADE him a PUBLIC WITNESS of God towards the world.
[THIS IS JUST AS REAL AND VALID AND VITAL AN EXPRESSION OF ONE'S "WALK OF FAITH" AS ENOCH'S WAS. In fact, THIS particular mode– this PUBLIC faith– can ONLY exist AS A RESULT of a HIDDEN faith already existing and sure! YOU NEED PRIVATE COMMITMENT TO GOD FIRST, OR YOU CANNOT PUBLICLY WITNESS TO HIM IN TRUTH– any attempts to do so without a solid relationship basis will ONLY be SHAMEFUL HYPOCRISY.]
[And NOTE the word "MADE." NOAH DID NOT CHOOSE TO GO OUT AND WITNESS. HE DID NOT DECIDE TO DO THIS OF HIS OWN WILL. Rather, he simply lived a humble and quiet life of steadfast faith, pleasing God by his daily fidelity despite the unfaithful culture around him, and then one day GOD CALLED NOAH TO EXPRESS THAT EXACT SAME LONG-ESTABLISHED FAITH IN A PUBLICLY VISIBLE MANNER, FOR THE SAKE OF WITNESSING TO GOD'S RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND NOT ANY OF NOAH'S "OWN". And the MANNER in which Noah's faith was shown was by RADICAL OBEDIENCE, in a very prophetic manner, by simply DOING WHAT GOD TOLD HIM TO DO when it didn't make any sense to the world and even made him look like a fool or a madman. Noah obeyed because He believed God's Word and because God had told him to act. That's all. No questions, no arguments, no shame, no pride. Noah's faith in God was so strong that he basically couldn't help but witness to God, if only the world SAW his way of life– OR if they HEARD him speak! Scripture seems to imply that Noah also PREACHED of God's ways to the world around him, but obviously they didn't listen (2 Peter 3:5). Nevertheless, Noah never did any of this out of pride– he sought NO recognition as a "holy man" and he felt NO need for any "affirmation" of his faith by others; he had NO desire for fame or fortune or even of a good name or reputation among those sinful men; his only motive and only desire was the glory and honor of GOD Who he loved and worshipped, and to save the souls of these sinners FOR HIS SAKE if at all possible. But even if Noah had not literally gone out preaching to the world, his patient and virtuous example of what a life walked with God looked like despite all opposition and calumny was witness enough– and ESPECIALLY to his FAMILY, which I would actually argue is WHAT MATTERED THE MOST here, because he was their FATHER, and thus he had a REAL & SOLEMN RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR SOULS. And really, even if Noah had never even ventured into the nearby towns and cities, even if he had only ever lived among his immediate relations, and with his wife and children, THAT WAS ALREADY A "PUBLIC WITNESS" OF THE MOST IMPORTANT SORT. We NEED to remember this in today's increasingly individualized culture. OUR FAMILY IS GOD-GIVEN AND IT IS OUR PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITY AND IF WE AREN'T WITNESSING OUR FAITH IN OUR FAMILY LIFE THEN WE ARE FAILURES AS CHRISTIANS. Every human being in the world is born into a family, no matter how much humans may distort and pervert and corrupt and break that family unit and structure. The basic fact still stands. HUMANS ARE MADE FOR RELATIONSHIP AND THE VERY FIRST AND FOUNDATIONAL RELATIONSHIP OF ANY HUMAN IS THEIR FAMILY. AND THE FAMILY IS WHERE WE FIRST LEARN WHAT GOD IS LIKE. THAT'S WHY IT IS SO CRITICAL FOR CHILDREN TO HAVE FAITHFUL PARENTS, WHO WALK WITH GOD DAILY, AND MODEL THAT WALK TO THEIR CHILDREN. THIS IS THE "PUBLIC WITNESS" THAT MATTERS MOST IN FAMILY LIFE. WITNESSING TO GOD TO THE WORLD AT LARGE IS SECONDARY, AND INDEED IMPOSSIBLE, IF ONE IS NOT ALREADY CONSISTENTLY WITNESSING TO GOD TO ONE'S FAMILY, SIMPLY BY BEING FAITHFUL TO HIM IN ALL THE DAILY DEMANDS OF LIFE, OBEYING HIS COMMANDS AND FOLLOWING HIS WAYS, SEEKING TO PLEASE HIM ALONE, EVEN ABOVE ONE'S OWN RELATIONS (Matthew 10:37, Luke 14:26)– BECAUSE IT IS ONLY IN SUCH STEADFAST COMMITMENT THAT ONE CAN WITNESS IN TRUTH, TO THE SALVATION OF SOULS. IF YOU AREN'T FAITHFUL TO GOD ABOVE AND DESPITE ALL ELSE– AND YES, EVEN IF THIS DOES CAUSE FAMILY TENSIONS AND DIVISIONS (Deuteronomy 13:6-8, 33:9, Mark 10:29-30, Matthew 10:21)– THEN YOU AND THOSE WHOM GOD HAS ENTRUSTED TO YOU WILL BE LOST (Mark 8:34-38).
So the point I'm trying to make is this = NOAH'S MOST IMPORTANT "PUBLIC WITNESS" WAS ALSO AN INEVITABLE ONE, AND A CONSTANT ONE: HIS WITNESS TO HIS FAMILY, AS HE SIMPLY LIVED DAY BY DAY CONSTANTLY SEEKING TO PLEASE GOD AND TEACHING HIS FAMILY TO DO THE SAME. AND IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE NOAH'S LIFE HAD THEREFORE ALREADY BEEN ONE PROLONGED WITNESS TO GOD THAT HE WAS CALLED BY GOD TO "EXTEND" THAT WITNESS TO THE WORLD AROUND HIM, BECAUSE IT WAS ONLY BY HIS PROVEN STEADFAST WITNESS OF GOD TO HIS FAMILY THAT HE WAS EVEN CAPABLE OF WITNESSING TO GOD TO ANYONE ELSE– AND WAS ONLY EVEN QUALIFIED TO DO SO THEREBY!!! HIS "HIDDEN" FAITH IN PRIVATE CAUSED HIS "PUBLIC" FAITH WITH HIS FAMILY, AND THIS CONSISTENT AND TOTAL FAITH-WALK WOULD INDEED "MAKE" HIM AN INEVITABLE WITNESS TO THE WAYS OF GOD WHEREVER HE WENT. GOD SIMPLY COMMANDED THAT NOAH "GO OUT AND DO SO" BY BUILDING THE ARK AS AN ABSOLUTELY UNIGNORABLE TESTIMONY FOR ALL GENERATIONS, BY DOING SO IN TOTALLY TRUSTING RESPONSE TO GOD'S WORD. AND REALLY, THAT'S THE TRUE "PUBLIC WITNESS" OF NOAH'S WALK OF FAITH— THE WITNESS GOD GAVE OF NOAH'S FAITH IN SCRIPTURE, DECLARING HIS FAITHFULNESS TO BILLIONS OF SOULS, FOR THE GLORY OF GOD, UNTIL THE VERY END OF TIME. And Noah had no idea. All he wanted to do, all he cared about doing, was obeying God and pleasing Him thereby, despite all odds and obstacles to that effort, with no thoughts to do anything else. Noah lived for God in all times and in all places and with all people, so that his entire life was a witness, whether alone or in a crowd, whether unknown or remembered– and THAT'S what made him a real hero of faith.]

God gave Noah an indication about things he couldn’t observe with his natural eyes (YET).
God told him about the flood He was planning to bring upon the world, because of the incorrigible and evil conduct of man. WHEN Noah HEARD that, he BECAME a PREACHER OF RIGHTEOUSNESS (2 Peter 2:5; 1 Peter 3:19).
[THIS SHOWS HIS MERCIFUL AND COMPASSIONATE HEART– A HEART LIKE GODS OWN– THE TRUE FRUIT OF FAITHFUL LIVING (WITHOUT WHICH THE REALITY OF ONE'S "FAITH" IS STRONGLY SUSPECT). When he heard that mankind was to be judged with doom for its great sin, his immediate instinct was NOT to "celebrate" the eradication of the wicked (1 Corinthians 13:6), but to TRY TO BRING THEM TO REPENTANCE LEADING TO SALVATION (Ezekiel 18:20-32, 33:1-20, Isaiah 55:7, 2 Peter 3:9, 1 Timothy 2:4, 2 Timothy 2:24-26, James 5:19-20, Psalm 51:13)!!! Noah COULD NOT stay silent when he KNEW that souls were at risk– even the most wicked souls! He HAD to speak up, for God's sake AND theirs; he HAD to offer them the HOPE of REPENTANCE that this very prophecy of JUDGMENT had subtly opened up??? Now that he KNEW there was a dreadful fate awaiting them for their sins, he HAD to let THEM know TOO, so that they had the OPPORTUNITY to WAKE UP THEIR CONSCIENCES and perhaps TURN from their sins to God, and perhaps be DELIVERED??? The point is, a soul that walks with God will walk like Jesus did, and JESUS CAME TO SAVE SINNERS.
When we walk with God, we draw ever closer to Him, and as we do so, we will grow to resemble Him more and more, as we seek to obey Him and confirm our will to His. As we pray to Him and listen to Him and read His Words, we learn to recognize His Voice more clearly and cherish it more deeply. As we live by His Spirit, we are conformed to the very image of His Son, and are actually united to Him through the Sacraments. So as long as we strive to be actively faithful in our thoughts and words and deeds, whether alone or in public, seeking always to please God by living as Children of the Father and the Bride of the Son and the Temple of the Spirit, then we WILL become more like God in the way that is not only possible and right for us but is actually destined and intended for us (CCC 1877). And this applies to EVERY SINGLE HUMAN EVER. We are ALL absolutely priceless to God and beloved to Him; EACH of us is His "masterpiece", made specifically and with utmost care and purpose, with a place in creation that no other being can fill or replace. Most of all, God sent His Son Jesus Christ to become man on our behalf, to die in our place to set us free from sin and death, and He would have done so for every single human being individually, as intentionally and lovingly and personally as if that human was the only one in existence. Do you understand now why the loss of even one single soul to sin is such a cosmic horror? Do you understand now why God Himself was willing to suffer and die in the most excruciating manner so that no human would ever be without hope of redemption? Do you see now why God waits as long as possible before passing judgment, and why God gives every possible warning and way out beforehand? Do you see now why Noah couldn't help but "preach righteousness" even to a society of "incorrigible sinners" even if only one or two of them would have listened? Do you understand now what it truly means to walk with God in a fallen world? Do you understand now what it truly means to love like God loves? If we are to be His friend, His child, His bride, His companion in every moment of our life, then we cannot think only of ourselves. To be faithful to God, to trust and obey and please Him, to know and serve and love Him as He has asked us to, means we must share His love of humanity. For our "walk of faith" to be true, even if it is hidden, it must still and always be a walk that witnesses by deeds, and those deeds exist in a time and space inhabited by billions of others, and in connection with the universal Church, and nothing we ever do for God is only about us, for we are members of the Body of Christ and the Kingdom of Heaven, and we only exist in this world as part of a family. I'm rambling now but I cannot emphasize this enough. A true Christian life, even that of a hermit, is always lived in and for love of God AND love of neighbor. Even living alone, unite our sufferings with Christ’s as an offering for the salvation of others, we manage our earthly resources in a way that does not burden or deprive others, we pray with the Church as we intercede for every soul in this world and in purgatory, and we care for our own life as an integral and intrinsically interconnected member of both the global human race and of the Body of Christ across the ages. We are never actually alone, and neither is anyone else, for we are all united in the love of God, and that is the true heartbeat of human existence. THAT is what "walking with God" is all about– that is what the Trinity Itself is all about– LOVE. And Love means RELATIONSHIP; Love means COMMUNION and ACCOMPANIMENT and ENCOUNTER and UNITY. If we humans are meant to share God's Own Life, we're not doing it alone. We're all sharing in that heavenly state together. God's Life IS Love, and in heaven we are ALL FAMILY. So we MUST live like that NOW. If we don't, then our faith is entirely misplaced, and our witness is completely hollow. The Face of Jesus Christ is reflected in every man, and if we don't live with that vision– if we won't walk with THEM, too– then we cannot claim to be God's friend. "Whatsoever you do to the least of my people, that you do UNTO ME."]

At the same time [that he was preaching,] Noah CONTINUED TO LISTEN TO GOD [so he was NEVER presuming to speak on his own authority or with his own ideas; he ALWAYS "checked himself" against what he heard; he NEVER assumed he "had enough info to go on" and could "take it from here"?? He was ALWAYS LISTENING for God's CONTINUED communication, at ALL times, for guidance and correction and instruction and direction– Noah did EVERYTHING in OBEDIENCE to God, EVEN this preaching!!]
The RESULT of that [faithful listening to and believing in God, as the very motive and reason for his faithful speaking OF what he believed,] was that he NOT ONLY PREACHED [to OTHERS of God's Will], but he INDEED TOOK ACTION [on his OWN part to OBEY that Will]. HIS TESTIMONY [to the trustworthiness of God's Word, SPECIFICALLY of JUDGMENT,] EXISTED OF A DEED OF OBEDIENCE: he built the ark ON GOD’S COMMAND.
🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔‼️‼️‼️‼️ [Building the ark– AND "living in tents" in the meantime instead of permanent houses, as BACE notably attests ("[Noah] and his numerous followers lived under tents... neither Noah nor any of his family built permanent houses, because they put faith in the prophecy of the Deluge. But the godless nations around laid massive foundations, marked off courts, and erected all kinds of buildings designed to resist the inroads of time and the attacks of an enemy" (in ironic futility, for the real enemy and inescapable threat was their own sinfulness, and the impending devastation it would bring would destroy every foundation and building and road they had built to their own worldly advantage, in the vain hope of their proud works being remembered by men with admiration in the temporal future, and yet which all had been done without any care for their truly immortal souls, or the honor of God, even without any thought that all their self-glorifying labor was doomed to be permanently annihilated in barely six weeks time)–] was a remarkable testimony that HE DIDN’T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM THIS WORLD ANYMORE [EVEN FOR THAT ENTIRE HUNDRED YEARS!!!] for [he TRULY AND ACTIVELY BELIEVED] IT WAS GOING TO PERISH by the waters of judgment.
By building the ark he ALSO SHOWED that HE FIXED HIS HOPE ON A NEW WORLD [that was ONLY a hope at ALL because GOD HIMSELF HAD ALREADY LAID THE FOUNDATIONS OF IT, BY EXPRESSLY STATING THAT HIS MOTIVATION WITH THE ARK WAS TO "PRESERVE LIFE" , EVEN SPECIFICALLY FOR A "COVENANT" (Genesis 6:18-21, 7:1-3)!!!!]

Bus to church

Absolutely stunned by the beauty of the sky

Walked home! JOY.

Case manager appointment at library
Being BRUTALLY HONEST about my symptoms

BROCCOLI DISASTER CONTINUES
Where can I buy bags that AREN'T ROTTEN????
This is NOT the first time Aldi has done this
I'll have to pay extra and get it at the Italian market if I have to


Evening=


FIGHT!! FIGHT!! FIGHT!!
DON'T LET THE EATING DISORDER WIN!!
DON'T LET THAT DEMON SINK ITS TEETH INTO YOU AGAIN!!
DON'T GET TRAPPED IN THAT HELL CYCLE AGAIN!!
FIGHT!!!! BE A WARRIOR!!!! DIE TO SELF-INDULGENCE THROUGH SUFFERING WITH CHRIST, WHO HAS DESTROYED DEATH ITSELF!!!



Night=


update
i lost

body too shaky hungry scared

god please. please.
please don't let me die like this
please fix me
please help me
please save me
without you i am doomed.




------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------


https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING =  DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

After the first two introductory verses you get examples of the EFFECT of believing [in God's EXISTENCE and in God's CHARACTER and in God's WORDS, etc. The key point is that TRULY believing in God is NOT merely believing that "there IS a higher power" (although that is the essential first step), because the TRUTH is that this "power" is actually a PERSON. "Believing" is NOT a vague "feeling" that "things will work out", however laudable such a capacity for trust is; TRUE belief is that "they will work out" because of DIVINE PROVIDENCE– the fact that there IS an actual "SOMEONE", an actual PERSONAL GOD (and only ONE) directing it ALL with TOTAL OMNIPOTENCE, AND that everything He does is for our HIGHEST GOOD (salvation!) because He LOVES us. THAT is what no belief in a "force" can ever give you; THAT is the true core of faith. We believe in a FATHER God; we trust in His HEART for us; we have faith in His LOVE. And really, being aware of THAT as the ULTIMATE BASIS changes our perspective on EVERYTHING, and opens our eyes to the stunning truth of reality itself– everything exists because of Divine Love. THAT is the lens through which we must see everything, and such sight is only possible through FAITH].
The first example implies that ONLY by BELIEVING you are ABLE to understand HOW the [entire cosmos was not only initially CREATED, but how it CONTINUES to exist, and also WHY it was created at ALL, and WHAT its MEANING and END is– ALL of these things are declared and established as REALITY, both tangible (material creation) and intangible (the laws of that creation, and the purpose of it), by the One Creative Force in all existence–] BY GOD’S WORD.
[This is actually so important to note, because (as I mentioned) although science CAN discover and demonstrate the LAWS and DETAILS of the cosmos, it CANNOT answer ANY questions as to the PURPOSE of it all. To ADMIT that there IS an intrinsic purpose to the cosmos is to ADMIT that it was GIVEN one, and DESIGNED with one, and thus with a CLEAR BEGINNING AND END, and all this BY A PERSON. So when we DO believe in the One True God, and we have FAITH in Who He IS and What He has SAID, then ALL of these truths are opened up to us, and THROUGH them, WE DO BETTER SCIENCE!!! Science understands that there ARE laws, but Faith reveals that those laws are INTENTIONAL and have a SPIRITUAL component as well, because they serve a PURPOSE that serves GOD'S WILL, specifically for HUMANITY. THAT'S really the most mindboggling thing about faith– the stunning revelation that God spoke the entire physical universe into existence, with all of its mysteries and wonders, because He wanted to give us a beautiful and interesting place to live, that would reveal His Heart for us, so that we could enter into a mutually loving relationship with Him.
BY FAITH and BY REVELATION, we LEARN and ACCEPT and CHERISH and LIVE OUT our OWN TRUE PURPOSE as human beings, as "created in the IMAGE of God" and "WILLED by God" (CCC 362)! We learn that EVERY SINGLE HUMAN was been "created to SERVE and LOVE God and to OFFER ALL CREATION BACK TO HIM" (CCC 358), being "CALLED BY GRACE to a COVENANT with his Creator, to offer him a RESPONSE of FAITH and LOVE" (CCC 357), and thus our DESTINY is "to SHARE, by KNOWLEDGE and LOVE, in GOD’S OWN LIFE" (CCC 356)– for every human being is "INTENDED to become, in the BODY of CHRIST, a TEMPLE of the SPIRIT" (CCC 364), "PREDESTINED to reproduce the IMAGE of GOD'S SON MADE MAN, the "IMAGE OF THE INVISIBLE GOD"" (CCC 381), for "it is ONLY in the mystery of THE WORD MADE FLESH that the mystery of MAN truly becomes clear" (CCC 359)!!! When we realize THIS– again, which is ONLY possible through FAITH– then it transforms how we SEE the world and LIVE IN the world and UNDERSTAND the world– AND the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. It is only when we do science IN faith, as TRUE human beings, and thus IN THE CONTEXT of our RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, that we will be ABLE to learn the Truth about this cosmos that God has ENTRUSTED TO US (CCC 380)– we humans who are destined even to be united to His Incarnate Word, the very One Who CREATED it all– and Who HIMSELF became a human being out of LOVE for us. And THAT Truth says more about existence as a whole than I could ever hope to expound in writing. But Faith knows, and faith is the language of the Holy Spirit.]

⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ Everything you SEE, is NOT MADE of something ELSE that is seen, but emerged from the INVISIBLE [GOD, Who is the SOURCE of ALL BEING; it is HIS "thoughts" from which everything took form, and HIS Own Character that is the FOUNTAIN of ALL THAT TRULY IS-- remember that sin and death are "NOT"; they are ABERRATIONS and VOIDS; they are UNTRUTHS and UNREALITIES; they are UNCREATIONS. Sin and death ONLY exist in the REJECTION of Reality, in the choice to "artificially" separate oneself from God in one's will. God is never truly absent from anyone-- He is the only reason anything exists and subsists-- but to cut oneself off from RELATIONSHIP with Him, to be a conscious being that can never KNOW God due to choosing NOT to LOVE Him, THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF HELL, and THAT IS TRUE DEATH.].
This PRINCIPLE goes for EVERYTHING that has to do with the PRACTICE of faith. In the LIFE of faith, NOTHING [that we do or know?] emerges from something that is SEEN around us [neither on this earth nor in the rest of the universe!], but ONLY EMERGES FROM THE UNSEEN GOD Who also "framed the world".
[Is this referring to things like GRACE and VIRTUE and REVELATION and PROMISES??? Because creatures CANNOT produce such things; we do NOT "gain the capacity to be good" from chemicals, nor do we "learn how to believe" from the animals, etc.??? Literally EVERYTHING we do FROM faith MUST be from God Himself, because FAITH IS HIS GIFT TO US! I suppose that fact alone explains this; literally ANYTHING that originates from GRACE, from the HOLY SPIRIT, is NOT and can NEVER be "found" or "obtained" elsewhere!]

❤❤❤❤❤ GOD HAS SPOKEN, and THEREFORE ALL the visible has emerged. THAT’S HOW IT WORKS WHEN GOD SPEAKS. His speaking is full of AUTHORITY and EFFECT: He COMMANDS and it IS (Genesis 1:3 etc.; Psalms 33:9).
[This never ceases to amaze me. I like to think about it. God's Word is not like human words; He does not speak idly or unclearly (like I do so often). People even speak sometimes just to make noise. We use words to think out loud, to think things through, to wonder and question and debate and decide. Our words are merely expressions of our internal machinations, in a sense. They have power, of course-- one right or wrong word can change a life, for better or for worse, as I think we can all give examples in our own right-- but that power is not "innate"? It is entirely responsive; we can speak the wisest words any man has ever pondered but if no one on earth hears them they will do nothing of effect to anyone but ourself. Not so with God! When He speaks, THINGS HAPPEN. When God says a Word, it CREATES what He says. And what amazes me the most is that apparently God has ONLY EVER SPOKEN ONE WORD-- and that Word is HIS SON. Just... sit with that. Jesus Christ IS the ONE WORD of God Himself, the ACTUAL CREATIVE FORCE of EVERYTHING. I can't wrap my mind around that, especially not on such short notice! That deserves years worth of meditative reverence. But for the point at hand, suffice to say that all that we have ever seen, and all that we can ever see, of God's Creation, emerged from that One Word... that we know as an incarnate Man. If you've ever doubted the love of God for humanity, that single fact should destroy all your uncertainties in one shot.]
‼️‼️‼️ In that way He “prepared” the worlds (the world of the STARS, the world of ANGELS, the world of MEN),
[I NEVER CONSIDERED THAT CATEGORIZATION BEFORE??? Is that accurate???? There's EARTH, exclusive special beautiful earth, for mankind, and there's HEAVEN for God and His Angels (which we have no idea "where" it exists, because both God and angels are purely spiritual-- and so I suppose, in an awful sense, hell would ALSO fall under this "world of angels" category, although fallen angels have chosen to exist "without" God); and then there is the entire rest of the physical cosmos???? The "world of the stars" is just God's gorgeously generous gift to mankind, from what I understand-- infinite beauty and wonder, for us to learn and explore and wonder at, an infinite sign of God's own infinite goodness, meant to draw our hearts and minds closer to Him, meant to demonstrate just how incomprehensible and endless His love for us is.]
❤❤❤❤❤...which means that He has PUT THEM IN ORDER, He has CLASSIFIED them; He has PUT EVERYTHING IN ITS RIGHT PLACE.
[I LOVE THIS ABOUT GOD. I just want to say that. Genesis 1 shows this so beautifully. God separates formless things into clear and distinct forms, God makes spaces for things and fills them, God creates time in one great purposeful march towards a definite and divinely appointed end... everything God does has a purpose, and a GOOD purpose, and it is ALL "IN ORDER." It is ALL LOGICALLY UNDERSTANDABLE and INTELLECTUALLY SOUND and even a JOY TO THE MIND. Everything God does MAKES SENSE. This is where both science and beauty come from!]
The ONLY way to “understand” this or to "see" it SPIRITUALLY (INWARDLY) is BY FAITH. Faith DETERMINES that GOD PLACED EVERYTHING EXACTLY "THERE" WHERE HE WANTED IT TO BE.
[In other words, NOTHING IS RANDOM OR MEANINGLESS IN ALL THE COSMOS. EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS HAS A GOD-GIVEN PURPOSE AND ROLE AND FUNCTION, AND GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES, AND GOD'S ULTIMATE DESIGNS CANNOT BE FRUSTRATED.]

(Revelation 4:11 = "...You MADE the whole universe; by Your WILL, when it DID NOT EXIST, it was BROUGHT INTO BEING... YOUR WILL BROUGHT CREATION INTO EXISTENCE... because of Your DESIRE, all things ARE and HAVE THEIR BEING... You made everything because You DECIDED to make it; and You were PLEASED to do so, and You created WHAT YOU PLEASED... everything exists FOR YOUR PLEASURE; You created all things out of nothing because YOU WANTED THEM TO EXIST.")

The universe is NOT a "cause" that is creating. It HAS BEEN CREATED ITSELF, and IT FUNCTIONS THROUGH A LAW WHICH GOD HAS IMPOSED ON IT.
[AND THAT "LAW" IS A "CREATURE," TOO!!! Yes the universe is vast and mysterious and beautiful but IT IS NOT GOD. It has NO CREATIVE POWER in and of itself. Even the unique "natural world" of our dear Earth, with all its wondrous generation and evolution, is merely behaving according to laws that God gave it, and cannot "make something from nothing", nor invent its own laws, nor break any that it is under– not merely because it is a creature, but because it is also an INSENSATE one; nature is NOT a person!! The ONLY creatures that even have the CAPACITY to REASON and WILL are ANGELS AND HUMANS, and unfortunately BOTH have shown the DISASTROUS CONSEQUENCES of ATTEMPTING to go against God's Laws and purposes and designs, so as to TRY to be LIKE God in HIS EXCLUSIVE PREROGATIVE as CREATOR AND DESIGNER!!! The instant a human or angel tries to make ITSELF a "cause," it places itself in direct cosmic opposition to God Himself, and such an outrageous sin WILL ironically end ONLY in SELF-DESTRUCTION.]

🌟🌟🌟🌟God USES His Creation as a PLATFORM on which the WORKING of FAITH IS BEING DISPLAYED.
[FAITH is ONLY POSSIBLE in a VISIBLE world, because it deals with what is INVISIBLE, and there MUST be that "disconnect" between immediate perceptions of the two for the virtue of faith to even EXIST???]
⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️THEN HE CREATED MAN ON THAT PLATFORM.
[I'M CONFUSED BY THE CHRONOLOGICAL TENSE HERE????
THE "WORKING OF FAITH" ON EARTH IS ONLY "BEING DISPLAYED" BECAUSE OF MAN; ANGELS CANNOT DO THIS BECAUSE THEY ALREADY HAVE THE BEATIFIC VISION????]

[BRIEF HUMBLED INTERJECTION = HERE I AM BABBLING AND I NEVER REALIZED THAT CCC 279-324 EXISTED, THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD READ INSTEAD OF ME, AND I WILL TOO]

❤❤❤❤ God WANTED to have FELLOWSHIP with that man He created, to have CONTACT with him.
[CCC 001, really, which never fails to stun me entirely. I could meditate on that single paragraph for years and never exhaust its riches or lessen its impact]

💔💔💔💔💔 But through sin that has entered the world, this fellowship is cruelly disturbed. Due to this, man was NOT ABLE anymore to DRAW NEAR to God.
[NOT by OURSELVES, but we actually STILL CAN– we just need GOD'S GRACE to do that now.
Even so, SIN IS AN INSURMOUNTABLE BARRIER BETWEEN GOD AND MAN, because ALL SIN is REBELLION and REJECTION of God. ALL SIN IS ULTIMATELY ROOTED IN UNBELIEF AND UNLOVE. So WHENEVER we sin (and especially mortally), we are literally CUTTING OURSELVES OFF FROM RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. Sin says "NO, I DON'T trust You, I DON'T need You, I DON'T care what You said, I DON'T want what You want"– sin says to God, "I DON'T LOVE YOU." And sin says all this because it only trusts and loves ITSELF. Sin WON'T "draw near to God" because it is too proud to care about anyone but itself. THAT'S why sin ends in DEATH.]

⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️But even worse: man who fell into sin COULD NOT EXIST before God. God should "REMOVE him" from this platform [of faith, because a sinful man has NO faith, or worse, ABUSES it]...
[This is obviously true spiritually– sin LITERALLY cannot exist in heaven, and in God's Presence sin is INCINERATED– but does this also dreadfully imply a physical component, the assumed "principle" behind the Flood and all other such terrible Judgments against the UNREPENTANT?]

But in His LOVE and MERCY, God GAVE A WAY. [There would NEVER have been ANY way possible EVER if God had NOT given one!] God "MADE a Lamb AVAILABLE" [by GIVING His OWN SON, but NOT as "automatically received"; this "availability" was fittingly ONLY obtained by FAITH in His Son AS the Lamb, thus REQUIRING a heart posture of HUMILITY to even RECOGNIZE Him as such, and of CONTRITE REPENTANCE to ACCEPT Him in turn] as a sacrifice FOR the fallen man, [and a sacrifice PERFECTLY suitable and answerable to the ACTUAL debt of justice– the debt of LOVING OBEDIENCE– because Christ's sacrifice was SINLESS and INFINITE, and also FREE & WILLING & HUMAN], so that on this [ONLY] RIGHTEOUS ground, MAN COULD STILL EXIST before the Face of God [which was now literally looking upon them in compassion FROM THE CROSS].

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️The DIFFERENCE between the persons who brought the offerings is FAITH. [Yes,] Cain acknowledged the EXISTENCE of God and desired to gain His favor, but Cain DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE HIMSELF TO BE A SINNER. [Because of this subtle but deadly PRIDE, when God PERSONALLY corrected and specifically WARNED him of the danger that sin actively posed to his soul (Genesis 4:6-7), Cain did NOT humbly and gratefully obey in TRUST, but rather] TURNED HIS BACK TO GOD.

Abel had to "PAY" HIS LIFE OF FAITH WITH HIS DEATH by the hand of a murderer. His [personal] TESTIMONY on EARTH was ENDED that way, but the MESSAGE that was SENT THROUGH IT was NOT. That [message OF his life of faith, being WITNESSED TO BY GOD HIMSELF in Scripture, now] ECHOES THROUGH THE AGES in a way that was NOT POSSIBLE IN ANOTHER WAY.
[GOD MADE IT SO THAT ABEL'S DEATH DID NOT STOP HIS TESTIMONY, BUT ACTUALLY AMPLIFIED IT!!!]
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ GOD [ALWAYS] USES THE WORK OF SATAN ENTIRELY AGAINST THE WILL OF SATAN FOR THE FURTHER GLORY OF HIS [OWN HOLY] NAME.
[REMEMBER THIS ALWAYS AND FOREVER. THIS IS AN UNCHANGING FACT.]

❓❓❓❓ The name Enoch means ‘taught’. He who is taught in the value of the offering [i.e. Jesus Christ], learns HOW to walk by faith... He who is [made] righteous, walks in faith [because the two GO TOGETHER; you CANNOT be truly righteous before God WITHOUT faith (Hebrews 11:6), and if you TRULY trust in God, then you WILL be righteous, because that trust is ONLY POSSIBLE THROUGH GRACE? And that grace comes through faith in JESUS CHRIST? And when we have that faith, our hearts are CHANGED and we WANT to do what is righteous, and we CAN by His SPIRIT???]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ Enoch lived in a time of great ungodliness... Enoch was a prophet of JUDGMENT.
(Jude 1:14-15 = "It was with them in mind that Enoch, the seventh patriarch from Adam, made his prophecy when he said, 'I tell you, the Lord will come with his holy ones in their tens of thousands, to pronounce judgement on all humanity and to sentence the godless for all the godless things they have done, and for all the defiant things said against him by godless sinners.'")
[...I have to stop right here. I'm struggling through eating disorder hell right now and I've never read Jude before but every single line of it is a gunshot straight to my conscience and I am scared to actual death] 
[...but oh thank God, thank God that He loves me enough to be this point-blank brutal with me when I am in such danger of spiritual suicide. He loves me too much to lose me. This is the fear of God, the absolute moral terror that saves my sorry ass from the annihilatory apathy of hell]
[this is mercy. this is mercy. i am killing myself and God is making me feel every ounce of that horror and this prophecy of judgment against me if i continue is the only thing giving me any hope that i can still be saved.]

Survived the night
Blood sugar scary high this morning still
Headache, dizzy, weak

Broccoli psychosis
Terrified
This hasn't happened in months
Took an ENTIRE HOUR to make breakfast because I was so scared of the voices

Breakfast smell from neighbors
Simultaneously weeping from missing grandma at home AND terrified at "summer vacation" memory

Bravely walked to church

FINALLY got the unauthorized transaction forms to get my money back hopefully
Gotta fax them tomorrow to make sure they get them on time; I should have enough laundry quarters left to pay for it
Probably will mail them too just in case, as I've miraculously had a single stamp on hand for months and now is the time to use it!

Mom very sad on phone? Subtle but I heard it
Broke my heart
Must be selfless and console her

Barely had any energy to bike. Very slow

Tuned in to my beloved Basilica just in time to hear the Psalm.
The choir is so beautiful there. It brought such profound peace to my heart, and brought my soul back to thoughts of eternity.
Thank You God, I needed this so much.

VERY IMPORTANT VIDEOS today.
Convicting, consoling, exactly what my soul needed today
https://youtu.be/Le1j7TRQORI?is=Xt09ZlwX4zJI0YhB
https://youtu.be/BNWraHx481M?is=5YRvLMF0Qk0OnW4A

I actually JUST REALIZED that WE NEVER READ THE CATENA FOR HEBREWS 11 AND WE SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT FIRST.
Ah well. We will do it last and it will give us, as a conclusion, all the clarification and correction of what we have read from other sources. So it still works out well, thank You God again.



------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

LAST STUDYLIGHT COMMENTARY FOR HEBREWS 11
(And it's surprisingly SUPER SHORT???)

https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/boc/hebrews-11.html

🌟🌟🌟[In this opening verse], Faith is not theologically defined, but rather described in reference to things NOT YET POSSESSED and NOT YET SEEN.
[Note that faith ALWAYS speaks of "NOT YET"; faith NEVER says "MAYBE"!!!! Thats because faith is essentially TRUST, and SPECIFICALLY in the ONE TRUE GOD Who CANNOT LIE OR DECEIVE, and WHOSE WORDS NEVER FAIL. This must be emphasized. Putting your faith ANYWHERE ELSE but in God WILL result in "maybes" because ONLY GOD CAN BE TRUSTED UNCONDITIONALLY AND UNRESERVEDLY, AND ONLY GOD CAN AND WILL ALWAYS COME THROUGH, WITHOUT ANY "CATCH" OR "ALTERATIONS" IN HIS WORDS OR CHARACTER. WHAT GOD PROMISED IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU WILL GET. WHAT GOD DECLARED IS EXACTLY WHAT WILL HAPPEN. WHAT GOD DECREES IS EXACTLY WHAT WILL STAND TRUE FOREVER. YOU CAN BANK YOUR WHOLE LIFE ON HIS TRUSTWORTHINESS.]
🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️ Hence its VOLUNTATIVE and INTELLECTUAL sides are considered.
[A STRIKING STATEMENT! I think we tend to "over-spiritualize" faith? We make it too emotional, too much about "feelings" and "wishes" almost– just like we do with hope (so terribly misunderstood!) But faith is a PRACTICAL virtue; faith is really a "MODE OF BEING?" Because whether or not we have faith in God WILL and DOES determine EVERYTHING WE DO IN LIFE, AND HOW WE DO IT. And that means that OUR FAITH MUST DIRECTLY AFFECT OUR VERY CAPACITY TO MAKE DECISIONS, AND THE WAY IN WHICH WE CARRY THEM OUT, AND TO WHAT END, AND BY WHAT MEANS. You see now that FAITH LITERALLY CHANGES EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR WAY OF LIFE, AND IT MUST DO SO IF IT IS TO BE LIVING FAITH (James 2:14, 17, 20, 22, 24, 26)!!!
But HOW does faith affect this change, really? How DOES it get right into our intellect and will and transform them? It is because TRUE FAITH CHANGES OUR IDENTITY. TRUE FAITH MUST TRANSFORM US AS A PERSON, BEFORE IT CAN DO ANYTHING IN OUR LIVED PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.
Why is this? Because FAITH MAKES GOD THE CENTER OF OUR LIFE– AND NOT OURSELF!!!
Faith fixes our eyes on ETERNITY– on the REALITY OF GOD, and of HEAVEN, and of the RESURRECTED LIFE– and ALSO on the JUDGMENT that PRECEDES eternity (and on the MERCY of God that we NEED to SURVIVE that judgment– a mercy GIVEN THROUGH FAITH, specifically in JESUS CHRIST and what He has done for us by His Paschal Mystery). Faith CONSTANTLY looks BEYOND this life because faith BELIEVES God's Word that there IS ANOTHER LIFE, and that THIS life is literally ONLY A PREPARATION FOR IT as it were.
And WHEN we learn this, and TRUST this, because GOD revealed it to us, then it WILL change WHO WE ARE, into someone RADICALLY DIFFERENT from who we were before, and FOR THE BETTER, because now we live with a NEW PURPOSE, with a NEW DESTINY and a NEW LAW OF LOVE to follow, and ALL of this because of a REAL GOD and REAL SAVIOR who REALLY LOVES ME PERSONALLY and has CALLED ME TO HIMSELF.
You CANNOT live in the world in a way that is focused on this world, if you have LIVING FAITH. And this REQUIRES a change in "who we are" at the deepest level = Faith rewrites (or truly, restores) our identity and sense of self to what GOD sees us as, and in fact has CREATED us to be: HIS REDEEMED CHILDREN. Faith gives us a stunning "new" identity as PART OF CHRIST'S OWN MYSTICAL BODY, THE CHURCH. Faith sees the self as a mere imperfect creature, and not a pseudodivinitly; but faith also sees the self as beloved by God, and of infinite value and real purpose, and not as some random existence with no inherent worth or meaning. Faith sees the self as created in God's Own Image and Likeness (lost by sin but restored by grace through the Spirit of Christ), and not as merely another animal and random product of evolution, nor as a failed result of the same that requires technological improvements to be viable whatsoever. No. Faith changes everything, because faith aligns us with TRUTH, and takes us OUT of this world, which we have ALL been living in and blinded by UNTIL we come to KNOW and TRUST in GOD.
And when we DO, it is NOT a "fuzzy feeling" or a "vague belief in a higher power". No. Faith in God GALVANIZES us because to TRULY KNOW God is to LOVE Him, and when we love someone we LIVE FOR THEM AND WITH THEM.
And THAT is why faith MUST affect our willpower, and our thinking: because FAITH MEANS WE AREN'T LIVING FOR OURSELVES ANYMORE. TRUE FAITH– A FULLY CATHOLIC FAITH– MEANS WE ARE LIVING AS THE BRIDE OF CHRIST, AS OUR DEEPEST IDENTITY– CHOSEN AND LOVED BY GOD AND DESTINED FOR ETERNAL LIFE WITH HIM– AND SO EVERYTHING WE DO MUST REFLECT AND HONOR AND GROW THAT RELATIONSHIP, IN WHOLEHEARTED FIDELITY AND LOVE, IN FAITHFUL TRUST THAT OUR GOD WILL HELP US TO DO SO, AND IN THE SURE HOPE OF OBTAINING EVERYTHING HE HAS PROMISED US.
I'm long since rambling. But that detail just hit hard. Our faith MUST be the NEW foundation of EVERYTHING we "will". Our FAITH must be the DEFINING FACTOR of ALL our wants and desires and wishes and plans and ideas and efforts and choices, every single day, without exceptions. Likewise, our FAITH must be the GROUND AND GOAL of everything we THINK– all our imaginings and reasonings, everything we ponder and evaluate and wonder about, and of course all of our motivations and purposes and plans for everything we decide to do, especially in terms of "deciding on" beliefs and opinions or ideas– ALL of our mental efforts MUST be CENTERED ON, ROOTED IN, and DIRECTED TOWARDS GOD. This is absolutely critical and indispensable for living a truly Christian life, especially as Catholics, when we are so surrounded by clever lies and subtle deceptions; we must ACTIVELY SEEK TO KNOW GOD BETTER and to STRENGTHEN OUR RELATIONSHIP with Him SO AS to be a BETTER CHILD of God the Father and a BETTER BRIDE of God the Son and a BETTER HOME of God the Spirit. THIS is what it means to "live in faith." This relationship context is what NECESSITATES and EMPOWERS us TO base all our decisions on God as our Everything, and to think about Him and His Word and Will constantly. And of course it's ALL BY GRACE, don't forget– without Gods free GIFT of grace, faith itself is IMPOSSIBLE.
But God GIVES, so don't despair. Look to the Cross– there is the fountain. There is your Life, your Beloved, your Destiny, your Purpose, your God. Keep Him before the eyes of your heart and you will experience firsthand the transforming effects of faith. Christ will confirm your will to God's Will– "Thy Will be done" (Matthew 26:39, 42). Mary will help you too ("Fiat voluntas tua", Luke 1:38), for she is your Mother just as she is Jesus's. She "pondered all these things in her heart," and will teach you to do the same, even as she constantly thought of her Divine Son in every moment of her earthly life, trusting wherever He led her. And Jesus, of course, was never separated from His Father, even in His will and intellect (John 5:19+30, 6:38, 7:16-18, 8:26-29, 10:37-38, 12:49-50, 14:10+24+31, 17:7-8+10, Hebrews 10:7); every moment of His earthly life was one of PERFECT faith, His every word and thought and choice and action being a RESPONSE of fully free and loving submission and obedience to every Word and Thought and Choice and Action of His FATHER.
And as Jesus Christ has given us His Spirit through Baptism, it is He Who works in US to have such true faith in His Father as to strive always to do the same, truly becoming "little Christs"– not automatically or mindlessly, but through FAITH changing our very WILLS and INTELLECTS to become GODLY and fixed on ETERNITY, through faith first changing our HEARTS to become ONE WITH JESUS'S HEART.
I think THAT'S the bottom line here, and the true secret of all living faith. To trust in God, to believe in God, to obey God and follow God in all things, to live according to His Word and act according to His Commands, to hold fast to His Promises and to seek His Kingdom in all our decisions, to ponder His mighty Works and meditate upon His Holy Name, to see His Power in all of Creation and to recognize His Love in all our circumstances, to rejoice always in Him for His Own Sake and to worship Him with every breath and heartbeat... to live like this, to TRULY live IN Faith, we MUST have the Heart of Christ. And how does this happen? He GIVES It to us, in EVERY SINGLE EUCHARIST– the Heavenly Bread to feed His Bride (Exodus 16:31, Psalm 81:16, John 6:32-58), who has already become "one flesh" with Him, as His Spirit dwells within her, and she bears His Name. Do we BELIEVE this about ourselves? We MUST, for God Himself has SAID so
(Isaiah 54:5, 61:10, 62:5, Hosea 2:19-20, Matthew 22:2, 25:1, John 3:29, Ephesians 5:22-32, 1 Corinthians 6:15-17, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelation 19:7-9, 21:2+9)! And this is NOT selfish, for it is God's WILL for us, our DESTINY, that draws us ever closer to Him. And so when we do believe His Word about us, then our faith in Him will become our life, for our faith is in Jesus, and Jesus IS our Life.]
I'm rambling, despite the beautiful depth of this topic. I need to move on; I am sure the commentary itself will state and summarize far more clearly and righteously everything I have been so feebly attempting to express.]

🔆🔆🔆For the human WILL, faith is a BASIC SUPPORT AS [the WILL] HOLDS to a REVEALED BUT ABSENT END;
[THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL FOR ME TO INTEGRATE AND IMPLEMENT. When my willpower is weak– when I am struggling in spiritual warfare– it is ONLY BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO "STAND ON MY OWN". Whenever I do that I WILL fall and get badly hurt. I NEED to HOLD FAST TO FAITH as my support, even as my "MOST BASIC" one– faith isn't a crutch or a cane; truly, faith must become MY VERY LEGS! And what am I "standing on" then? GOD'S WORD, God's TRUTH, God's PROMISES spoken to me, GOD'S INHERITANCE kept in heaven for me, GOD'S LOVE for me and in me, always and everywhere (we give You thanks). THESE are my "END"; the DESTINY that GOD has planned for me; the PURPOSE for which I was created and redeemed– to be WITH God, THROUGH His Son, IN His Spirit, WITH his saints, FOR ETERNITY. And the ONLY way in which these Truths SEEM "absent" now is because they ARE eternal– they are HEAVENLY Realities, and THEY WILL ONLY BECOME "PRESENT" TO ME WHEN MY PRESENCE ON THIS EARTH HAS COME TO AN END. And that truth ALONE is enough of a driving force to strengthen my WILLPOWER in the fight through clinging closer to FAITH, because EVERYTHING I DO IN THIS LIFE "NOW" AFFECTS WHETHER OR NOT I WILL REACH THAT "END"– because if I DON'T have FAITH in that end BEING MY TRUE END, the one that GOD WANTS and that GOD WILL HELP ME TO REACH, then my LACK of FAITH will MISALIGN MY ACTIONS AWAY FROM THAT END. You see the principle playing out! WHAT WE TRUST– WHO WE HAVE FAITH IN– DETERMINES OUR DESTINY. If we don't trust God, then we won't trust that His Words for us are true, and we won't be able to receive the Promises He speaks to us, because we won't believe they are possible, and so we won't act according to hope, but will live with a worldly perspective, and rely on ourselves. But that is how we doom ourselves, because then we have no support whatsoever when the world collapses beneath us, and nothing to hold on to when our own life falls apart. Faith is the only firm foundation, God is the only Rock and Refuge. His Words are sure and certain, our true happiness and joy, and our faith in them gives us strength to fight for our God and King Who spoke them. Nothing that this seen and sensible world can offer, no matter how dazzling it appears, is worth more than what God has revealed is waiting for us in the unseen world, where He dwells (Isaiah 64:4)– and it is those "absent" treasures of His Will for us that are MORE REAL than anything we can ever have in this life. But ONLY FAITH can know this, and thus LIVE BY it (1 Corinthians 2:6-16). So TRUST Him when He speaks of them, and HOLD ON to that final end, and do NOT let the visible present drag you away from your victorious hope (1 Peter 1:3-9)!!]

🔆🔆🔆For the human INTELLECT, faith is the ARGUMENT or PROOF giving CONVICTION of what is NOT EVIDENT to SENSES or intellect.
[Again, this "proof" is "not measurable"– it is entirely the result of TRUST IN GOD AS GOD. No further proof is needed. When we believe that God Exists, and that God IS Who He SAYS He Is, then we KNOW that everything ELSE He says is automatically, intrinsically TRUE. Even if we cannot "see" what He is talking about, we trust that He speaks TRUTH to us– just as a child would unconditionally trust a parent teaching them about the world for the first time, things that child couldn't even fully fathom yet, let alone see, but which the child nevertheless entirely accepted as true and real, because it KNOWS its parents are trustworthy– not merely through filial love, but because those parents have ALWAYS taught that child truly before! SO TOO WITH GOD; His record is flawless, utterly impeccable and exact, and both Scripture AND history prove this. So it is LOGICAL to trust God, and it is the MOST SANE THING to be CONVINCED of His Words concerning the "unknown and unmeasurable," not only because He is PROVEN TRUE, but also (simply!) because He is the OMNISCIENT CREATOR and if anyone knows about the reality of something, its Him!!]

🔔🔔🔔🔔🌟🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️‼️Enoch was EXEMPTED from death, BECAUSE he "PLEASED GOD," which is IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT FAITH IN GOD AS BEGINNING AND END– as CREATOR AND REMUNERATOR.
[THIS IS VITAL. GOD IS BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIFYING. (Deuteronomy 32:39, Job 5:18, Jeremiah 30:11-17, 1 Samuel 2:6, Hosea 6:9, and arguably ALL of Revelation)]

‼️‼️‼️‼️ Faith in a FUTURE CHASTISEMENT– one hundred years distant– showed the HEROISM of Noah,
[Because he HELD TO FAITH for THAT LONG with NO VISIBLE CONFIRMATION OR CONSOLATION???]
⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️...who thereby condemned the world (with a condemnation of comparison) and became "the HEIR of the JUSTICE which is BY FAITH."
[JUSTICE = GIVING GOD WHAT IS HIS DUE.
Does this ALSO apply to the FLOOD ITSELF– that the JUSTICE of God's JUDGMENT on the unbelieving world was NOT applied to Moses, because BY his FAITH, it was instead JUSTICE for God to SPARE him– but ONLY because that faith (a gift of grace!) SPECIFICALLY made Noah an "HEIR" of the SAVING JUSTICE that CHRIST WOULD WIN FOR THE FAITHFUL???? ]

‼️‼️‼️Abraham lived in the land of promise as a stranger with no fixed abode– a tent-dweller– CONTINUING to do so even with his co-heirs Isaac and Jacob.
[I think I get it? He didn't assume that, now that his family was growing in number, he had any "right" to the land, nor any reason to settle down there without God's instruction to???? God had said, I will give," and the Ishmael debacle surely proved to Abraham that he could NOT assume or presume upon God's timing & means!! So even though the land WAS Promised, it had NOT YET been fulfilled, and Abraham was content to live IN the Promise without grasping at the thing itself, ESPECIALLY because the Promise as a whole was SO long-term and SO much GREATER than Abraham himself that he had NO DESIRE NOR EXPECTATION for it to be "given to him" alone!!]
🌟🌟🌟His hope was in a STILL UNSEEN but FIRMLY FOUNDED city "whose architect and builder is GOD."
[THE "FOUNDATIONS" ARE GOD'S WORDS????]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ The FAITH of these men was FUNDAMENTALLY a LONGING FOR THE HEAVENLY FATHERLAND. For ITS sake they LEFT HOME, PROFESSED themselves PILGRIMS, and CONTINUED their exile, when they COULD have RETURNED to their ORIGINAL [earthly] fatherland [but ONLY at the FORFEITURE of the HEAVENLY one??? THERE IS NO "DUAL CITIZENSHIP" IN THE SPIRITUAL REALMS!!!!!].
[SERIOUSLY THOUGH THIS HITS HARD. THIS IMPLIES THAT IF YOU AREN'T LONGING FOR HEAVEN AS YOUR HOME, YOUR FAITH IS MISSING ITS FOUNDATIONS????]

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔‼️‼️‼️‼️💚💚💚 Abraham’s FAITH brought a blessing ALSO on Sara for the founding of a posterity, because HE believed the promise of God, in spite of his wife’s barrenness and old age AND his own centenarian years.
[I never considered this beautiful fact before, but it's so obvious when you think about it– ABRAHAM'S faith, so clearly & consistently demonstrated, was a GOOD EXAMPLE to his wife, and his WITNESS to God's TRUSTWORTHINESS in his LIVED-OUT obedience (day after day for YEARS, without complaint or argument or question despite all odds), ENCOURAGED and even ENABLED her to come to faith in God herself, through slowly opening her heart to receive God's GRACE, by seeing it so at work in her husband, and moving her to want that kind of a relationship with God too???? If Abraham was "bearing good fruit" in an increasingly virtuous life, showing constant peace and joy despite hardship, acting with a solid sense of purpose and meaning that transcended worldly circumstances, etc.– and surely he was– then it only makes sense for his wife, struggling so much with the pain and sorrow and shame of infertility, would long for the godly peace that her husband was living in and from, by his "new and different" FAITH (remember they came from an idolatrous country). Of course I don't know the facts but it is a plausible thought.
MOST DIRECTLY though, it would have been because Abraham had such a sure faith "DESPITE HER BARRENNESS," which would have GIVEN HER THE COURAGE TO HOPE FOR THE SAME, thereby TRUSTING that if ABRAHAM was so convinced of God's veracity, and was living out that trust so inspiringly, then she could dare to trust in such a beautiful hope too– to trust that God wanted such good things for her too???]
[This is all also deeply convicting for me, because my faith is still so weak and unclear and shaky and confused that I am NOT living a good example for others; I am NOT a good witness to God's fidelity and mercy; I am NOT demonstrating growth in virtues and I am NOT living above worldly circumstances. This is utterly shameful and reprehensible. It means I am not very open to grace, or that I am scared and resistant to it, or that I am stopping its power through doubt and cowardice, etc. Basically my disgusting spiritual condition is proof that I am still sick with the fatal disease of DISTRUST. And that scares me to death.
But at least with a diagnosis I can run to the Divine Physician and beg Him to heal me... that is, if I trust that He WANTS to. What horrible irony. What a terminal illness! God I CANNOT SURVIVE WITHOUT GRACE, please PLEASE override my own mind and heart and just FIX ME, PLEASE.
DROWN ME IN GRACE. I don't care. I want to. I NEED to. If I don't i will die. Please, please don't let me die.
Saint Abraham, Saint Sarah, please, dear ancestors, dear parents of faith, pray for me. Pray for me that one day I will be able to laugh with joy at God's miraculous goodness to me too. Pray that I will have the grace to truly HOPE for that blessed end.
Oh God, please, make me such a Promise, I beg of you, give me something to cling to in my misery. I am so lost. Please promise me that I won't die without You.
...is that Jesus? Is it really all just Jesus?]

Weak delirious depressed tired empty exhausted this morning.
Why has my selfimage become so miserable and loathsome?
What happened to the light and fire and love and joy and wonder the Cores used to have?
Am I even a Core? Who am I?
Just a worthless, wretched thing.
(This is no way to live as a Christian, something in me is broken)

Unexpected mom visit for like 30 MINUTES
Giving me the car because she's going on vacation
Rushed & angry & anxious & resentful & distracted as usual
Listened patiently & kindly, said nothing (I've learned she doesn't want (or particularly like) replies, just an audience)
STILL MESSED ME UP SO BAD.
...the worst blow to my fragile childself=
"Mommy doesn't care"
Mentioned i had allergies to the new car and she didn't even respond. Just blew it off like I was making an exaggerated fuss, then ignored me and changed the subject
Little child inside weeping
"Mommy doesn't care that I got sick"
"Mommy doesn't care that I was scared and hurting"

Very hard to pull myself together
Especially because as usual she's given me things to do UP THAT BLOODY HOUSE while I have the car
I DON'T WANT TO GO UP THERE PLEASE
ESPECIALLY NOT "OF MY OWN VOLITION"
I KNOW WHAT TERRORS THAT WILL TRIGGER IN ME.

I'm already sick and want to cry
And to think– yesterday I was CONVINCED that going back up there to LIVE was "my God-willed destiny"
...is it though?
God I DON'T KNOW and I'm too emotionally distressed to even think about that right now

The bit about "images" hit HARD
SO DID THE NATURE OF HELL
https://universalis.com/podcasts.htm?selected=136

AND THIS IS EXACTLY THE MINDSET I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING SO HARD WITH LATELY
https://crisismagazine.com/opinion/the-unfallen
BECOMING "EVEN MORE POOR" WILL NOT "AUTOMATICALLY" MAKE YOU "EVEN MORE VIRTUOUS"!!!!
IT MIGHT MAKE YOU "MORE LIKE JESUS" IN A PURELY EXTERNAL CIRCUMSTANTIAL SENSE, BUT IT WILL NOT NECESSARILY THEREFORE MAKE YOU "MORE LIKE JESUS" IN SPIRIT AND TRUTH AND HEART!!!!!
MATERIAL POVERTY IS NOT A VIRTUE IN AND OF ITSELF YOU IDIOT!!!!
"BLESSED ARE THE POOR IN SPIRIT"!!!!

WHY DO YOU FEEL THIS "NEED" FOR SUCH HARSH AND SEVERE SELF-ABASEMENT SO BADLY ANYWAY?
HOW MUCH OF IT IS JUST THE THANATOS DRIVE????

ARE YOU SO CONVINCED THAT YOU'RE "JUST THAT EVIL" BECAUSE OF THE SINS OF YOUR PHYSICAL BODY THAT YOU HAVE TO BE "FORCED" TO BECOME "GOOD" BY DESTROYING AS MUCH OF YOUR PHYSICAL LIFE AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT ACTUALLY COMMITTING SUICIDE?????

ANYWAY IN LIGHT OF THIS "POVERTY" THINKING I'M SUDDENLY VERY EXCITED ABOUT GOING UP THE HOUSE
I CAN PERMANENTLY SACRIFICE MY OLD RED VASE TO MARY FOR THE ASSUMPTION (GIVE MORE OF WHAT I HAVE TO GOD, AND HAVE LESS IN THE WORLD) INSTEAD OF TEMPORARILY USING ONE OF MOM'S VASES (NO LONGER USING ANYTHING FROM OTHERS OR ASKING ANYTHING OF THEM)
AND I CAN FINALLY FIND & DESTROY THE EVIL & SCANDALOUS LEAGUES PAPERS MOM WAS HIDING
I REFUSE TO LET ANY TRACE OF THEM REMAIN TO HURT OTHERS



------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/cgt/hebrews-11.html

[Abraham's faithful obedience was seen] =
1. [First– and notably so as demonstrating a strong beginning predisposition to prompt & trusting fidelity–] in LEAVING his country,
2. [Then, in all the various circumstances and trying status of] living as a STRANGER in Canaan,
3. [Finally, in the greatest and most arduous example, in] being READY to offer up Isaac.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟❓❓❓❓ Both tenses, “HATH OFFERED up” and “WAS OFFERING up,” are characteristic of the author’s views of Scripture as a PERMANENT RECORD of EVENTS which may be STILL REGARDED AS PRESENT TO US.
Saint James (2:21) uses the aorist ("HAVING offered up").
[I LOVE THIS because it makes PERFECT SENSE with God, and thus His WORD, existing in the "ETERNAL NOW" that transcends linear time! It's a stunning thought to consider that, in a sense, when God determined these historical events to be recorded specifically IN Scripture BY the Holy Spirit, He effectively "UNITED" those events to GOD'S WORD, and thus not only "IMMORTALIZED" them (their memory will NEVER die), but made those memories "eternally PRESENT" to whoever would "enter INTO them" THROUGH God's Word???? It's the "zakar principle" that "remembering makes the past (spiritually?) present to us" brought to a greater height, in the DIVINE "remembering" of those events VIA SCRIPTURE, BY THEIR BEING CONSTANTLY "RE-SPOKEN" BY THE ETERNAL AND CREATIVE HOLY SPIRIT????
BUT NOTE THERE IS ONE ABSOLUTELY INDISPENSABLE DISTINCTION = THESE SCRIPTURALLY-REMEMBERED EVENTS ARE NOT ACTUALLY "HAPPENING AGAIN". THEY ARE NOT BEING "RE-PRESENTED" IN TIME. THEY OCCURRED ONCE IN PAST HISTORY, AND WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN IN THE PRESENT, EVEN IF THE TRUTH OF THEIR REALITY IS "PRESENT TO US" AS IF WE WERE THERE???? YES, ABRAHAM "HAS OFFERED UP ISAAC" ONCE AND FOR ALL IN HISTORY; THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN– MOST OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE BOTH ABRAHAM AND ISAAC ARE NOW DEAD. AND YET, BECAUSE HOLY SCRIPTURE IS GOD'S WORD AND IS THUS "LIVING AND ACTIVE" AND SPOKEN TO US BY THE HOLY SPIRIT, WE CAN SAY HE "WAS OFFERING UP ISAAC," AS PRESENT WITNESSES TO THE PAST-MADE-PRESENT IN A SPIRITUAL SENSE, BY THE "REMEMBERING" OF THE ETERNAL WORD OF GOD, AND THUS VISIBLE ONLY TO THE EYES OF FAITH?????
BUT NOTE THAT SCRIPTURE NEVER SAYS "HE IS OFFERING"!!!!! LINEAR TIME NEVER GOES BACK OR REPEATS!!!! (CCC 1040,
CCC 1085 CLARIFIES WHY THIS IS =
"In the Liturgy of the Church, it is principally His Own Paschal mystery that Christ SIGNIFIES and MAKES PRESENT. During his earthly life, Jesus announced His Paschal mystery by His teaching and anticipated it by His actions. When His Hour comes, He lives out the UNIQUE EVENT OF HISTORY WHICH DOES NOT PASS AWAY: Jesus DIES, is BURIED, RISES from the dead, and is SEATED at the right hand of the Father "ONCE FOR ALL." His Paschal mystery is a REAL EVENT that OCCURRED IN OUR HISTORY, but it is UNIQUE: ALL OTHER HISTORICAL EVENTS HAPPEN ONCE, AND THEN THEY PASS AWAY, swallowed up in the past. The Paschal Mystery of Christ, BY CONTRAST, CANNOT REMAIN ONLY IN THE PAST, BECAUSE BY HIS DEATH HE DESTROYED DEATH, and ALL THAT CHRIST IS– all that He DID and SUFFERED for all men– PARTICIPATES IN THE DIVINE ETERNITY, AND SO TRANSCENDS ALL TIMES WHILE BEING MADE PRESENT IN THEM ALL.
[Of ALL events in ALL created history, ONLY] The EVENT of the Cross and Resurrection "ABIDES," and DRAWS EVERYTHING TOWARD LIFE."
CCC 1363-1364, 1365, 1367,1410 ADD MORE CONTEXT =
"In the sense of Sacred Scripture, the memorial is not merely the recollection of past events but the proclamation of the mighty works wrought by God for men. In the LITURGICAL CELEBRATION of these events, they become in a certain way PRESENT and REAL. This is how Israel understands its liberation from Egypt: every time Passover is celebrated ["this day shall be to you for a remembrance" ("zikkaron"), Exodus 12:14], the Exodus EVENTS are MADE PRESENT to the MEMORY of believers SO THAT THEY MAY CONFORM THEIR LIVES TO THEM."
"In the New Testament, the memorial ["do this as a memorial of me/ in remembrance of me" ("anamnésis"), 1 Corinthians 11:24-25] takes on new meaning. When the Church celebrates the Eucharist, she commemorates Christ's Passover, and it is MADE PRESENT; the sacrifice Christ offered ONCE FOR ALL on the cross REMAINS EVER PRESENT. [BUT NOT "REPEATED"!!!]
"As OFTEN as the sacrifice of the Cross by which 'Christ our Pasch HAS BEEN sacrificed' is CELEBRATED on the altar, the WORK of our redemption is CARRIED OUT"... The Eucharist IS thus a sacrifice because it RE-PRESENTS (MAKES PRESENT) the sacrifice of the cross, because it is its MEMORIAL [NOT ITS REPETITION] and because it APPLIES its fruit... The sacrifice of Christ and the sacrifice of the Eucharist are ONE SINGLE SACRIFICE: "The victim is one and the same: the same [Victim] NOW offers [Himself] through the ministry of priests, Who THEN offered Himself on the cross; only the MANNER of offering is different." "And since in this divine sacrifice which is celebrated in the Mass, the SAME CHRIST Who OFFERED himself ONCE in a bloody manner on the altar of the cross IS contained and IS offered [NOW] in an unbloody manner... this sacrifice is truly propitiatory... It is CHRIST HIMSELF, the eternal high priest of the New Covenant who, ACTING THROUGH the ministry of the priests, OFFERS the Eucharistic sacrifice. And it is the SAME CHRIST, REALLY PRESENT under the species of bread and wine, who is THE OFFERING of the Eucharistic sacrifice."
SO THAT'S A LOT BUT HERE'S THE POINT IF I UNDERSTAND PROPERLY =
"TIME TRAVEL" IS IMPOSSIBLE. TIME IS LINEAR, HISTORY IS SET IN STONE, AND PAST EVENTS CANNOT BE "DEPOSITED" INTO THE PRESENT. WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. THE ONLY "EXCEPTION" IS CHRIST'S PASCHAL MYSTERY BECAUSE THAT EVENT IS INTRINSICALLY ETERNAL AND THUS ALTHOUGH ITS HISTORICAL ASPECT IS "FINISHED" (John 19:30) IT NEVERTHELESS "NEVER ENDS" BECAUSE JESUS SPECIFICALLY ESTABLISHED ITS PERPETUAL AND SACRAMENTAL MEMORIAL IN THE EUCHARIST!!!!! THIS DID NOT "JUST HAPPEN"!!!!! THE PASCHAL MYSTERY'S ACTUAL RE-PRESENTATION IN THE LITURGY IS DELIBERATELY DESIGNED AND DIVINELY ORDAINED, SPECIFICALLY SO THAT THE SALVIFIC FRUITS OF IT CAN BE "MADE PRESENT" TO BELIEVERS IN ALL AGES UNTIL THE END OF TIME =
CCC 1391 Holy Communion AUGMENTS OUR UNION WITH CHRIST. The PRINCIPAL FRUIT of receiving the Eucharist in Holy Communion is an INTIMATE UNION WITH CHRIST JESUS. Indeed, the Lord said: "He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood ABIDES IN ME, and I IN HIM." LIFE IN CHRIST HAS ITS FOUNDATION IN THE EUCHARISTIC BANQUET: "As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, SO HE WHO EATS ME WILL LIVE BECAUSE Of ME." ...when the faithful receive the Body of the Son, they proclaim to one another the Good News that THE FIRST FRUITS OF LIFE HAVE BEEN GIVEN, as when the angel said to Mary Magdalene, "Christ is risen!" NOW TOO ARE LIFE AND RESURRECTION CONFERRED ON WHOEVER RECEIVES CHRIST."
CCC 1396 The UNITY of the MYSTICAL BODY: THE EUCHARIST MAKES THE CHURCH. Those who receive the Eucharist are UNITED MORE CLOSELY TO CHRIST. THROUGH it Christ unites them to ALL the faithful IN ONE BODY – the CHURCH. Communion renews, strengthens, and deepens this incorporation into the Church, ALREADY ACHIEVED BY BAPTISM. In Baptism we have been CALLED to form but one body. The Eucharist FULFILLS this call: "The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not a participation in the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not a participation in the body of Christ? BECAUSE THERE IS ONE BREAD, WE WHO ARE MANY ARE ONE BODY, FOR WE ALL PARTAKE OF THE ONE BREAD.""
AND DON'T FORGET THE SHOCKING YET BEAUTIFUL STATEMENTS OF JESUS HIMSELF =
(John 6:48-51,53-58 = "I AM THE BREAD OF LIFE. Your fathers ate manna in the desert and they are dead; but THIS is the bread which COMES DOWN FROM HEAVEN, SO THAT A PERSON MAY EAT IT AND NOT DIE.
I AM THE LIVING BREAD WHICH HAS COME DOWN FROM HEAVEN. ANYONE WHO EATS THIS BREAD WILL LIVE FOREVER; and the bread THAT I SHALL GIVE is MY FLESH, FOR THE LIFE OF THE WORLD...
In all truth I tell you, IF YOU DO NOT EAT THE FLESH OF THE SON OF MAN AND DRINK HIS BLOOD, YOU HAVE NO LIFE IN YOU. ANYONE who DOES eat my flesh and drink my blood HAS ETERNAL LIFE, and I SHALL RAISE THAT PERSON UP ON THE LAST DAY.
For my flesh is REAL food and my blood is REAL drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood LIVES IN ME and I LIVE IN THAT PERSON. As the LIVING FATHER sent me and I DRAW LIFE FROM THE FATHER, so WHOEVER EATS ME WILL ALSO DRAW LIFE FROM ME. This is the bread which has come down from heaven; it is not like the bread our ancestors ate: they are dead, but ANYONE WHO EATS THIS BREAD WILL LIVE FOR EVER.")
AND THAT'S WHY THE MEMORIAL OF CHRIST'S HISTORICAL SACRIFICE MUST BE LITERALLY RE-PRESENTED IN THE EUCHARIST— BECAUSE IF IT WASN'T, WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO EAT AND DRINK HIS BODY AND BLOOD– THE TRUE PASCHAL SACRIFICE– AND HAVE ETERNAL LIFE!!!!!!!]
[So yeah. Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac happened ONCE in HISTORY and LINEAR TIME PAST, and thus CANNOT be repeated OR re-presented. But through READING the DIVINE TESTIMONY of that event in GOD'S WORD (which IS Christ, and thus OF Christ (Luke 24:27), e.g. He is the ANTITYPE of Isaac and the OBJECT of Abraham's faith in the Promises), which we read now IN and BY the HOLY SPIRIT– Who not only MOVED those events TO happen BY THE GRACE OF FAITH, but Who also INSPIRED the RECORDING of those events in a manner according to HIS Will, and Who therefore SPEAKS those events to us RIGHT NOW– that "forever FINISHED in TIME" event CAN be REMEMBERED as "forever PRESENT in GOD", in HIS memory, which IS SCRIPTURE??? They DON'T "happen again," but WE EXPERIENCE THEM NOW THROUGH FAITH, AS IF WE ARE MADE "PRESENT" IN THOSE HISTORICAL TIMES AS WITNESSES TO GOD'S TRUTH???? AND THUS THEY ARE "REAL" TO US RIGHT NOW, THROUGH FAITH, AND ESPECIALLY AS FELLOW MEMBERS OF THE ETERNAL CHURCH OF ALL THE FAITHFUL THROUGHOUT HISTORY, THUS MAKING THE EVENTS OF HER HISTORY REALLY "OUR" HISTORY IN A PERSONAL SENSE???? FOR "WE ARE ONE BODY" THROUGH FAITH IN CHRIST, EVEN WITH ABRAHAM AND ISAAC????? SO IN CHRIST, AND THROUGH HIS WORD, THEIR LIVES LITERALLY TOUCH OUR LIVES ACROSS TIME, WITHOUT REPEATING TIME, AND THAT "PAST MEMORY" CAN BE "MADE PRESENT" RIGHT NOW, NOT AS A REPEATED PHYSICAL EVENT, BUT AS A LIVED SPIRITUAL REALITY?????
WE REMEMBER THE HISTORICAL EVENT IN ORDER TO MEMORIALIZE THE FAITH THAT MADE IT HAPPEN!!!!
That's all I can say about this. My mind is spinning. I've probably been talking in circles. But I have still learned more of the Truth in my efforts and I am grateful for that. Holy Spirit please clarify and correct everything I have read and written so that I only speak what is True and edifying to others and for the building up of Your Kingdom foe the salvation of souls. Do not ever let me fall prey to foolish imaginings or subtle devilish deceptions. Clear my eyes and strengthen my faith and simplify my mind and humble my soul. May I only be Your willing and free instrument, and never presume to give any credence to my own voice.]

The CONTEXT generally shews with sufficient clearness the sense in which the Patriarchs may be said BOTH to HAVE “received” and “NOT to have received” the promises. They received and welcomed SPECIAL promises, and those WERE fulfilled [e.g. the birth of Isaac]; and IN those, [by a renewed and strengthened FAITH in God's trustworthiness to keep ALL His Promises– ESPECIALLY as He so miraculously and powerfully did that particular one, thus graciously proving that He COULD do likewise in ANY seemingly impossible circumstances–] they saw the GERM of RICHER blessings [that HAD been Promised as well, e.g. the Promised Land and Global Blessing, the ULTIMATELY & SURE REALITY of] which they enjoyed BY FAITH, but NOT in ACTUAL FRUITION.

concerning things to come = The true reading seems to be “even concerning" ("pistei kai peri mellontōn"), though it is not easy to grasp the exact force of the “even.”
[Is this actually what BACE was talking about??? That there was indeed the "future blessing" of temporal goods and dominion (Genesis 27:28-29), but there was also "THE Blessing," the heart and source and point of ALL other blessings– the literal MESSIANIC SEED blessing that is NOT recorded in Scripture because it was SUPPOSED to remain a "DIVINE MYSTERY" at large???? So the blessing was not only for the present time and present life, and for more immediate and earthly good things, but ALSO for the future time and future life, and for more spiritual and eternal good things– indeed the BEST thing of all, which was the "Holy Thing from Heaven," the "pledge of the promised posterity," the "germ of the divine Blessing for a pure offspring"– the Promise of the MESSIAH.]

refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter = Moses refused the RANK of an EGYPTIAN PRINCE.
[He would've been rich in worldly things, but poor in heavenly things; powerful among men, but utterly helpless before God (Revelation 3:17).]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️The brevity of sinful enjoyment is alluded to in Job 20:5 = “The triumphing of the wicked is short, and the joy of the HYPOCRITE but for a moment.”
[WOW THAT'S TERRIFYING. That is literally equating SIN with HYPOCRISY-- implying that EVERY TIME we CHOOSE to sin because it's "enjoyable" to the flesh, we are BETRAYING the TRUTH of our SOULS????
To be a "hypocrite" is to act in a way that blatantly contradicts something you have professed or declared about yourself-- notably moral standards and personal characteristics? It's like carefully building up a public image of yourself as a kind and caring person, and then outright punching someone in the face when they annoy you-- and in this context, enjoying it. It's a truly horrifying take on the nature of sin. Think about this more.]
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ The SPECIAL sin [in Moses's case] would have been the very one to which the readers were tempted: APOSTASY.
[He would've had to FORSAKE his ACTUAL HERITAGE as a HEBREW, and of GOD'S PEOPLE, in order to CHOOSE a FALSE HERITAGE as an EGYPTIAN, and of a GODLESS PEOPLE. The emphasis is on WHICH "FAMILY"– WHICH "CITY," WHICH "CHURCH"– HE WOULD CHOOSE TO BELONG TO, WHEN BOTH EFFECTIVELY HAD SOME "CLAIM" ON HIM. BUT ULTIMATELY THE DECISION IS ALWAYS BETWEEN GOD AND THE WORLD. IT IS ALWAYS EITHER TO BE FOR and WITH CHRIST, OR AGAINST and WITHOUT CHRIST... AND THAT DECISION ALWAYS INVOLVES HIS CHURCH!!!!]

🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️‼️the reproach of Christ = Rather, “of THE Christ”. There may be in the words a reminiscence of Psalms 89:50-1 = “Remember, Lord, THE reproach of Thy SERVANTS... WHEREWITH thine enemies have reproached the footsteps of Thine ANOINTED.”
[SINGULAR SPECIFICS!!! THE CHURCH IS ALWAYS ONE, AS ONE BODY UNDER ONE HEAD– JESUS, THE ONE CHRIST!!!]
🌟🌟🌟💔💔💔‼️‼️ By “THE reproach of THE Christ” is meant “the reproach which He HAD to bear in His OWN PERSON, and HAS to bear in that of HIS MEMBERS” (2 Corinthians 1:5).
[MORE DIVINE "TRANSCENDENCE" OF TIME THROUGH THE HOLY SPIRIT & ETERNAL PRESENCE OF JESUS CHRIST IN US]
⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ ...the writer [never outright alludes] to the Mystical Oneness of Christ and His Church; [and IF he is NOT implying THAT Truth in this verse, then instead] we must suppose him to imply that Moses, by FAITH, realised– at least dimly– that HE was suffering as CHRIST would HEREAFTER suffer.
[WHAT DID MOSES KNOW OF THE PROMISED MESSIAH???? Did his mother or father know of it simply from it being passed down orally by their people as their essential hope during their exile? If they did, did they TELL him of it as a child? Did Moses remember this and dwell on it even in Pharaoh’s house? SURELY he HAD to know SOMETHING about it!! FIND OUT!!]
[YOU REALIZE I DON'T THINK SCRIPTURE EVEN FOCUSES ON JESUS'S DIRECT BLOODLINE AT ALL DURING THIS TIME?????? THERE'S NO NARRATIVE INCLUSION OF ANY OF THEM FROM PEREZ TO BOAZ????]

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ ...It is true that [immediately after the last Plague], Pharaoh and the Egyptians PRESSED the Israelites to depart, but it was only in FEAR and ANGER, and Moses FORESAW the immediate PURSUIT.
[This is terrifying. It implies that, even though the Egyptians had literally just lost ALL their firstborn-- which was what God had done in JUSTICE (Exodus 4:22-23)-- their agreement to finally do what God said and let the Israelites go was NOT out of holy fear and awe and respect for Him-- it was in WORLDLY FEAR that "if they don't leave, we'll ALL die" (Exodus 12:33), and in ANGER that they had lost their slave labor (Exodus 14:5)!!! EVEN NOW, THEY WEREN'T ACTUALLY OBEYING OR REVERING THE LORD. They were STILL completely motivated by selfish interests. Their blindness and hardness of heart is INSANE. And, perhaps most tragically of all, Moses-- who knew Egypt's court from the inside out-- EXPECTED this.]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ which the Egyptians assaying to do = The Greek words ("peiran labontes") must mean “of which sea” (OR “of which dry land”) the Egyptians MAKING TRIAL.
("an EXPERIMENT; to LEARN TO KNOW BY EXPERIENCE... to ATTEMPT a thing, to make trial of a thing... to TRY whether the sea CAN be crossed dry-shod like the land")
[IS THIS "EXPERIMENTAL ACTION" IN DIRECT CONTRAST TO FAITH???? THEY HAD NO TRUST IN GOD, BUT THEY WOULD TRUST IN THEIR OWN "EVALUATION" OF THE SITUATION???
AND/OR IS THIS ALSO REFERRING TO THE FATAL SIN OF "TESTING GOD" (Exodus 17:7, Numbers 14:22-23, Psalm 95:8-9, Matthew 4:7)????]

Rahab's name was highly honoured by the Jews, who said that eight prophets were descended from her (among them Baruch, Jeremiah, and Shallum), and the prophetess Huldah.
[I HOPE THIS IS TRUE, I love that woman and this would be SUCH a profound demonstration of the shocking generosity and richness of God's redemptive mercy for her, in giving her "beauty instead of ashes", in redeeming her sad and sinful past SO thoroughly and in SUCH a fitting reversal!]

[She did not perish with those] that BELIEVED NOT = Rather, “that were DISOBEDIENT.”
[THE TWO ARE INEXTRICABLE. IF WE DON'T BELIEVE GOD-- IF WE DON'T TRUST HIM-- THEN WE WILL DISOBEY HIM (Genesis 3:1-6).]