the spectrum heart cathedral system

Lovely morning actually, despite being exhausted from yesterday

Woke up with the most terrible sore throat from mom's food (no surprise sadly, this has happened many times before).
Offering it up for my compulsively gluttonous greed and destructive lunacy that led to that whole mess
I still cannot properly pull myself together around mom/ in public so as to act with sobriety & integrity. The social mode shift is still too powerful and blinding.
My voice even changes. It's scary.

Walked to church. I'm really treasuring these mornings

Adoration lady wants to give me a single decade Rosary next time... of PEARLS. Faux ones surely, but STILL. There's that "ancient and new" resonance.

Mom called, she FINALLY got a statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe – and under stunningly "synchronistic" circumstances.

Finally starting to read the Chronicles of Narnia!
The book club begins next month so I want to be ready

SO MANY PHONE CALLS FROM MOM!
I'm not complaining at all, but it's both sweet and heartaching to realize that one day with me around results in this outpouring of communication at every turn. Is she really that happy to have me to talk to? Is she actually that hungry for my company and care?
Man. It pulls at my soul. I need to spend so much more time with her then, even making greater efforts to find or even make opportunities to do so, even at great cost.


I want to think about Yellow today, and what it means for us as a System in light of our hearthistory.
POSITIVE =
1. Sunlight/ sunshine
2. Canaries!!! (Uncle Barney had that WHOLE SHED)
3. Daffodils (Easter)
4. Lemons
5. Grandma's hair
6. Buttercups
7. Dandelions, but ONLY in the Swiss countryside
NEGATIVE =
1. Bananas (elephant/ monkey associations, also blood sugar terror incident)
2. Sunflowers (why??? Because of farms???)
3. Rain jackets (childhood media disturbance?? Also texture??)
4. Police tape
5.

OCD hell returning. Be careful.
It always spikes after longer fasting periods, higher mental agitation (trauma-rooted or threat-related) and maybe even simply later in the day (chronological triggers).

BTW remember in UMPC they were trying to teach us about the intricate interconnectedness of THOUGHT/ EMOTION/ ACTION, and how it isn't a straight line??? LOOK INTO THIS AGAIN as we begin therapy again


I feel so tired & sick & weak & hurting today that it's actually making my heart soft & gentle??? Like that rose. I'm actually feeling tender emotions towards Jesus and Mary today and I could weep from grateful joy, I've wanted this so badly for so long, God please let me keep falling ever more deeply into love with them


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https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING = DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

From the blessing to Esau [which, notably, was given AFTER Isaac realized that God had "rerouted" Isaac's intentions to actually bless Esau, and had MADE him bless Jacob instead– as this has been God's Will from the womb (Genesis 25:23), and Rebekah knew it (Genesis 27:5-17), and Esau had actually already forfeited his birthright and GOD knew that too (Genesis 25:30-34), for it had been the result not of mere hungry impulse but of Esau's carnally disposed heart that enabled such a twisted priority decision with neither consideration nor regret– and Isaac did not revoke Javobs blessing nor question God's action,] it appears that Isaac CONSCIOUSLY kept Esau OUT of the line of the Promise. THAT TOO TESTIFIED TO HIS FAITH. Although, regarding the blessing, Isaac, in his weakness, preferred Esau to Jacob, Isaac [nevertheless ultimately] associated [his thoughts] to God’s thoughts [immediately when God "made His thoughts clear to him" in the revelation of the switched blessing, and then RESPONDED to this IN FAITH when he specifically gave Esau an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT blessing, one that DID NOT INCLUDE ANY ASPECT OF THE FIRSTBORN PROMISES, NOR IMPINGE UPON THE RELATED BLESSINGS THAT BELONGED EXCLUSIVELY TO JACOB. This is not to say that Esau wouldn't have descendants (in fact he had many, Genesis 36) or that he wouldn't have land (God actually GAVE him some later, Deuteronomy 2:4-5, Joshua 24:4)– BUT NEITHER OF THESE WERE "PERMANENT POSSESSIONS"; in fact, the prophet Obadiah speaks of Esau's lineage being DESTROYED for their continued sins, and Esau's land being REPOSSESSED BY JACOB, TO WHOM ALL OF CANAAN HAD BEEN PROMISED (Obadiah 1:6, 9-10, 15, 18-21)!!!]

It is [critically] important [NEVER] to be "guided" by human weakness [in any respect– not just natural ignorance of both the unseen future and of the true state of visible present circumstances as they both stand in God's incomprehensible Providence (for there is so much unknown and unknowable to us even in what we know of the present), but also one's own personal preferences and ideas and opinions and fears and desires concerning those circumstances and the potential progression of them, which are truly much more dangerous to our ability to humbly surrender in obedience of faith than any mere intellectual incapacity to understand,] in your JUDGMENT on [what, IN YOUR opinion, would be the "most fitting/ desirable/ sensible/ proper/ beneficial/ glorious/ etc." application and outcome of] God’s Promises [because honestly WHENEVER WE ATTEMPT TO "JUDGE GOD" WE FALL INTO GRAVE SIN. Rather we MUST REFRAIN FROM "JUDGING" THEM ALTOGETHER and simply ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE, WITHOUT TRYING TO "FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH THEM" ON OUR OWN TERMS AND BY OUR OWN ASSUMPTIONS; as if we COULD and even DID "know" how God WAS going to carry them out, and thus were "preemptively taking action" accordingly. THIS IS TERRIBLE PRESUMPTION. Isaac had "judged" that since Esau was the literal firstborn, and was the more "manly" son, and since he preferred him to Jacob for this and surely other related reasons (perhaps thinking Esau would make a "better patriarch" for his physical might and powerful personality– more virile to bear children, more capable of subduing the natives of the land, etc.?), that these were "perfectly logical and valid" feelings and conclusions– reached and held with absolutely NO INTENT whatsoever to disobey or oppose God thereby– and therefore "God MUST agree with them too!" Isaac's fatal error was simply in the subtly but strikingly brazen presumption that he COULD figure out, and know for SURE, what GOD wanted– and worse, that God's wants ALIGNED WITH HIS OWN. His judgment ultimately DEFAULTED TO SELF, even without malice. God knew his heart, though, that Isaac really did only want to do what God willed, even if he was going about it in entirely the wrong way, by thinking that HE HIMSELF could determine that will, and to do so not only according to his own limited human knowledge and thought processes, but also in a manner that worked in harmony with his own preferences and ideas. Isaac perhaps never even considered the also very real possibility that God would REJECT Esau and choose Jacob, because Isaac's own "logic of weakness" didn't see that as a potential outcome whatsoever, since he was blinded by his own natural affections and ambitious desires and worldly reasoning. Isaac had failed to consider that God works in unexpected and mysterious ways, and that His "reasoning and logic" is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT than that of man (Isaiah 55:8-9, 1 Corinthians 1:18-25), and that NO human being can EVER presume to know the Mind of God (Romans 11:33-36, Psalm 131:1, 139:6, Job 11:7-9, 42:1-6).
The only "exception" to this ABSOLUTE EXCLUSION is WHEN WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE "MIND OF GOD" HIMSELF BY HIS HOLY SPIRIT DWELLING WITHIN US (1 Corinthians 2:6-16)– and this immense grace only emphasizes and proves the fact of human weakness and incomprehension in contrast, because ALL the "knowledge of God’s Will" that the Spirit CAN and DOES give us IS STILL CAPABLE OF BEING "MISHEARD" IF WE AREN'T LISTENING IN AN ATTITUDE OF TOTAL SILENCE OF SELF-WILL– IN HUMBLE SURRENDER AND UNCONDITIONAL TRUST. This is what Mary and Joseph did (Matthew) and we would do very well to pray to them daily to ask God to give that grace to us too, as much as we are capable of receiving and holding and exercising it in imitation of their pure examples (never as much as them, of course!), according to God's Will for us.
And of course, a sinful, proud, worldly, self-trusting mind is ABSOLUTELY INCAPABLE of knowing ANYTHING WHATSOEVER of what God wants (John 8:47, 14:17, 1 John 4:6, Ephesians 4:18, Proverbs 18:2, Romans 8:7), because such a mind HAS NO TRUE FAITH OR CHARITY.
But that's besides the main point, which is that even faithful, pious, well-meaning, reasonable men like Isaac are not only capable of but inevitably doomed to completely misinterpret and misunderstand God's Words, and thus the outcome & application of His Promises, as long as they are listening to their OWN ideas and feelings and conclusions and arguments, and NOT SUBMITTING ENTIRELY TO THE HOLY SPIRIT, regardless of how shockingly and even "scandalously" OPPOSITE or CONTRARY to one's own notions His Revelations may indeed be– especially even if they appear ILLOGICAL and IMPOSSIBLE to us (Genesis 18:14, Jeremiah 32:17+27, Numbers 11:23, Job 42:2, Isaiah 14:24+27, 43:3, 46:10, Daniel 4:35, Luke 1:37, 18:27, Ephesians 3:20). But GOD'S WORD IS ALWAYS TRUTH, and when God DOES speak to us, and when God DOES make Promises to us (yes, even today, even right now, in Scripture and in His Son!), then we are to simply TAKE HIS WORDS AS TRUTH, JUST AS THEY STAND, AND TO HUMBLY STAND ASIDE OURSELVES AND LET GOD ALONE CARRY THEM OUT AS HE WILLS, WHEN HE WILLS, BY THE MEANS HE WILLS, AND FOR THE END HE WILLS, EVEN IF ALL OF THIS GOES ENTIRELY AGAINST OUR HUMAN EXPECTATIONS AND NATURAL AFFECTIONS AND LOGICAL CONCLUSIONS.
OUR ONE JOB in this whole matter IS TO TRUST GOD UNCONDITIONALLY AND SURRENDER TO HIM ENTIRELY. Therefore OUR ONE DESIRE MUST BE for GOD'S WILL TO BE DONE regardless of circumstances and consequences– and this, of course, means that our ONE GOAL as far as "judgment" (or rather, "discernment") is concerned should be for OUR thoughts to become UNSELFISHLY ALIGNED WITH, LOYALLY OBEDIENT TO, and SUBMISSIVELY GUIDED] BY GOD'S THOUGHTS. Then you will ALWAYS end up well [because EVERYTHING GOD WILLS IS FOR YOUR SALVATION, i.e. your ABSOLUTE HIGHEST GOOD, WITHOUT EXCEPTION. Therefore, when, by LOVING-FEARFUL FAITH, you SURRENDER to His Will in ALL things, then no matter what God does and allows, you WILL have PERFECT PEACE AND JOY in accepting and embracing it even as a GIFT, because you will TRUST HIS HEART IN IT, and PRAISE HIS GOODNESS IN IT, because you KNOW HIS INTENTION IN ALL OF IT– and above all simply because, SINCE GOD WILLED IT, THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED, AND THUS YOU NEITHER WANT NOR NEED NOR WISH FOR ANYTHING ELSE OR OTHERWISE, because YOUR SOLE DESIRE AND GREATEST JOY IS "THY WILL BE DONE" (Matthew 6:10, 26:39+42, John 4:34, 5:30, 6:38, 14:31, Luke 1:38, Acts 21:13-14)!!!].

Jacob gave Joseph [his firstborn by Rachel, and his most beloved child as a result,] the double blessing of the firstborn [even over all his other sons by Leah]... In relation with [blessing the two sons of] Joseph [by Asenath], Jacob "becomes a worshipper". In FAITH he sees how the counsel of God and His ways [in both his past and present circumstances, and those of God's people as a whole up to that very point, ALL mysteriously yet unstoppably] lead to the FULFILLMENT of His counsel [in the far distant and difficult yet still Promise-oriented future of Israel], coinciding in the "TRUE Joseph," [the TRUE "Firstborn and Beloved", Jesus Christ, Who will fulfill EVERY Promise ever made to Israel].
It is God’s INTENTION that BOTH the Hebrews [of this epistle] and we [Christians of today] HONOR and WORSHIP HIM for the FULFILLMENT of His counsel [IN JESUS], AND [for ALL] the WAYS [in which He PREPARED for and PREFIGURED this fulfillment throughout ALL AGES, as we read in Scripture– AND for ALL the "NEW" WAYS in which He CONTINUES TO "REALIZE" that counsel in OUR lives, EVERY DAY, as "PEOPLE OF THE GOSPEL"???].

[IF WE HAVE "WALKED WITH GOD" IN FAITH, THEN AT OUR DEATH,] OUR LIFE PATH "COMES OUT" [OF THE WORLD and INTO THE HOLY CITY, and also "INTO THE LIGHT", after the many dark places of trials and struggles during our earthly pilgrimage– and thus FINALLY REACHES ITS DESIRED END] WITH THE LORD. Then we shall WORSHIP Him [FOREVER] for all the GRACE with which He SURROUNDED us [during every moment of our lives], IN ORDER TO BRING US [SAFELY HOME] INTO the [TRUE Homeland] He PROMISED us.


All the [earthly, personal] glory Joseph had in Egypt became nothing, compared to the coming glory of Israel [as a people, in her becoming a "global and spiritual" nation of and by FAITH– the faith that would bring her a true and holy and eternal glory that could never be lost, and which was brought to her through the Promised coming] of the Messiah, [Jesus Christ– both in His Incarnation and in His return at the Parousia–] Whom he saw forward in FAITH.
🌟🌟🌟⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ Joseph [saw, by his FAITH in the Promise of the Messiah (and thus in what His coming meant for Israel and the world as SAVIOR), in CONJUNCTION with the Promise of Israel's return to Canaan as their GOD-GIVEN and PERPETUAL inheritance, that the two Promises MUST COINCIDE, for God's Words NEVER contradict and are NEVER separate from each other in His One Plan of Redemption??? Therefore the Promises of "COUNTLESS descendants" and "ALL nations blessed in Abraham's Seed" who it was implied would be a KING (Genesis 17:6) and all of this under a "PERPETUAL covenant", MUST be DIRECTLY CONNECTED to the Messiah promised to Eve, and thus tying HIM into ALL this language of FOREVER and ENTIRETY??? I guess what I'm trying to say, is that Joseph saw that this return to Canaan was only the next step in laying the foundation for greater and more enduring Promises, all of them flowing together and from each other, and spoken in words that transcended human timeframes and extended beyond individual lives. If God ALWAYS keeps His Promises, and those Promises were MADE to ALL of Abraham's children UNDER THE COVENANT (Genesis 17:7-8), then somehow ALL those souls who died WITHOUT "receiving the Promises" in THIS life– even Abraham himself!– MUST therefore somehow obtain them in ANOTHER life, but a life BEYOND death– NOT reincarnation; this other life would retain their individual selves and would NOT return to this world, but would apparently continue elsewhere (Genesis 15:15)– and yet NOT a purely spiritual life, because the Promises made still involved this created world??? AND ENOCH ACTUALLY ATTESTS TO THIS!!!! And yet it is still obvious that no one had ever returned from the dead (at that time). So there WAS something more, a place where Enoch proved that faithful bodies COULD and DID exist, but ONLY THROUGH GOD'S POWER; but elsewise a place only entered through DEATH, even for the Abraham. HOWEVER, since death came through sin, then that state was UNNATURAL, something God MUST and WOULD change in due time??? And so reason itself concludes that this "other life" in which the Promises MUST be realized to those faithful men of old MUST therefore be connected to the MESSIAH HIMSELF, as the FIRST Promise and (therefore) the FULLNESS of ALL Promises, as THE ONE WHO WOULD CRUSH THE SERPENT AND ATONE FOR ADAM'S SIN AND DEFEAT DEATH. And it would be in receiving HIM that the dead WOULD receive the Promises???? AND those Promises INCLUDED Israel possessing the Land of Canaan FOREVER???? So basically Joseph must have somehow grasped, BY THE GRACE OF FAITH, even in the most vague yet true insight, that even when he DIED, he STILL had SURE HOPE of BOTH returning to Canaan AND receiving the Messiah, apparently AT ONCE. And so Joseph KNEW that] HE WANTED TO BE THERE and with that in view he commanded that his bones were to be taken from Egypt to the Promised Land [therefore not merely as an encouragement and testimony to Israel in the meantime that the Exodus WOULD happen, but ALSO as a way of quietly declaring that he, too, still had a share in everything that God had Promised to His People, even in death]. What a proof of his faith in the RESURRECTION!
[This is such a strikingly different yet powerful take on it and I hope my clumsy thoughts on it make sense. I'd never considered it before and had to immediately put in the effort to reason it out, and with great reward to my own growth in faith.]

The Hebrews also had to learn to FORSAKE THE WORLD (of which EGYPT is a picture) and [therefore to become "EMPTY enough" to be ABLE to FULLY RECEIVE the GRACE needed] to LOOK FORWARD to EVERYTHING they [HAD ACTUALLY ALREADY] GAINED THROUGH THEIR RELATION WITH THE DEATH AND RESURRECTION OF THE LORD JESUS.
And that applies also for you. HIS death is YOUR death and HIS resurrection is YOUR resurrection. IN His resurrection, ALL who are RELATED to Him WILL be MADE ALIVE to SHARE IN HIS KINGDOM.
[I FORGOT ABOUT THIS AMAZING TRUTH; THIS EXPLAINS IT ALL; THANK YOU!!!!]

("POUR FORTH, we beseech thee, O Lord, THY GRACE INTO OUR HEARTS; [SO] THAT we, to whom the incarnation of Christ thy Son was made known by the message of an angel, may, BY HIS PASSION AND CROSS, BE BROUGHT TO THE GLORY OF HIS RESURRECTION. Through the same Christ our Lord, Amen.")

Horrible night
Poor sleep & hack nightmares

Debilitatingly tired and in pain.
Unite it to the Cross kiddo


OCD DEATHBLOW
https://youtube.com/shorts/EzWZ2XfXJpc?is=zQx2b4pNUQaPPmrV

STAGGERINGLY RELEVANT & CRITICALLY IMPORTANT
https://youtu.be/tmeOdHZ7Ltg?is=t1AjymaxLIGwWHqB
https://youtu.be/Kh3IP5dGok0?is=tQmBw3JmPP2cZ2B4


PRECIOUS BLOOD SUNDAY!!!!! ❤💛❤💛❤💛❤
IT'S BEEN THREE WEEKS THANK YOU SO MUCH GOD

SELFLOVE VS PRIDE?????? TYPE ABOUT THIS!!!!!
https://universalis.com/podcasts.htm?selected=137

Noting this one because of the "INOTHERING" concept!!!
https://universalis.com/podcasts.htm?selected=138



Evening =
Lost over an hour online (again) looking up mom's favorite food places again, trying to figure out what I would eat if she ever took me along.
Where is this awful sad yearning coming from?? Why do I even want to be included?? Why do I care??
It's becoming the most pitiful obsession. I'm so desperate to be loved and included and accepted by her, to "be like her" and "do what makes her happy," and historically so much of that has revolved around food. To this day it does. If I cannot eat with her, she will not love me truly.
...That's what it boils down to, isn't it? That's why I can't stop desperately trying to figure out what I would do in those situations, so as to finally enter into her life in the way she wants, to finally scale that wall and overcome that horrible obstacle, that barrier between my mother and I that has been forged by my screaming terror of food and eating and sex and touch and... God if that's what it's keeping out then do I even want to take the wall down?
God this hurts so much.
I genuinely don't know what to do.


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https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING = DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ When Abraham ARRIVES at the place where God guided him to (Canaan), HE DOESN'T RECEIVE ANYTHING [OF IT AS HIS OWN IN AN "EARTHLY" SENSE] (Acts 7:5 = “...God provided him with NO PROPERTY RIGHTS here... God gave him NO inheritance here, NOTHING to call his own, not even one square foot of land. But God DID PROMISE that He WOULD GRANT this entire land as a POSSESSION to Abraham AND his offspring– that EVENTUALLY the whole land WOULD BELONG to Abraham AND his descendants— even though when the Promise was made, Abraham had NO CHILDREN YET."). THAT [revelation was] a NEW EXERCISE OF FAITH, [given IMMEDIATELY on the heels of the first, and already DEMANDING an even DEEPER and more RADICAL trust– a FAITH in a PROMISED future that was not only presently unseen, but forever intangible in this life– that future inheritance existed in an EVENT HORIZON for Abraham's physical senses, for the simple fact of time meant that he would NEVER see his descendants possess the land; he had to TRUST that they WOULD. But this trust depended on an even more stunning act of faith– the trust that he WOULD have descendants at ALL, considering that natural circumstances would insist that was IMPOSSIBLE for him. His promised child, then, existed in an even more difficult space than the promised land did, for the trust in the land promise was only a matter of time and self-surrender (humbly accepting that he himself would never personally possess it), but trusting in the promise of descendants was a matter of effectively defying time, and surrendering his natural reason. To trust THAT promise– upon which the "easier" promise of the land entirely depended– meant trusting God's Word not just for years of "unseen results", but trusting DESPITE the march of time, the progress of age, the dwindling odds. It meant that with every year his faith had to INCREASE, and to do so AGAINST appearances AND worldly logic. This "new exercise of faith" was something that only Noah had experienced something similar to– the promise that rain would fall from the sky for the first time in history, something not only previously unseen, but even unimaginable to human experience at the time. And yet, rain was still entirely scientifically possible under natural circumstances, even if yet unknown to men. Abraham's child was NOT. His wife was barren, biologically sterile, and even if she wasn't, she would have been decades into menopause. On top of that, he himself was so aged as to have a dramatically minimal capacity of fertility in his own right, with the increased risk of birth defects and miscarriages that such a diminishment brought. And this is besides the constant fearful undercurrent of the daily threat of death claiming either of them at their age! Abraham was the FIRST HUMAN BEING EVER ASKED to put such an ABSOLUTELY UNCONDITIONAL FAITH in the VERITY of God's Promise SOLELY because it WAS a Promise, and it was GOD'S. Essentially, Abraham was being asked to do ONE THING, regardless of all details, and that thing is the absolute heart of ALL true faith = TO TRUST THAT ALL OF GOD'S WORDS ARE GUARANTEES, BECAUSE GOD CANNOT LIE. It is trusting that, regardless of time and space and natural reason, WHEN GOD SAYS SOMETHING, IT IS. It is trusting that GOD'S WORD IS TRUTH, BECAUSE GOD'S WORD CREATES TRUTH– GOD SPOKE, AND REALITY ITSELF WAS FORMED FROM NOTHING. The ONLY thing faith REQUIRES us to ACTUALLY do is to TRUST THAT GOD'S WORD IS REALITY. Whether we can "see proof" of this or not literally does not matter. Whether we can "scientifically predict" the outcome or not does not matter and frequently doesn't even apply. Whether or not we can even imagine or understand or comprehend how it might happen does not matter. None of those actions on our part, none of those purely human exercises of reason, no matter how helpful they may indeed be when they have the capacity for success, have any ultimate effect or impact on the absolute CORE of faith, which is simply and profoundly the COSMIC FACT that GOD IS TRUTH and so GOD'S WORD IS ACTIVELY CREATIVE and thus ALL OF GOD'S PROMISES ARE INVINCIBLE AND INEVITABLE. The FACT is that GOD SPEAKS REALITY. So even if you cannot perceive that reality in linear time (yet), the simple glorious FACT is that IT IS STILL REAL, just not perceptible to your senses, or even available to your experience. Thousands of faithful souls died without seeing the Promised Land finally possessed by Abraham's descendants, and millions more died without seeing the Messiah born of Abraham's lineage. But BOTH those things DID HAPPEN. And even WITH Jesus Christ having come at last, and AS the INCARNATE Word, LITERALLY being the SUBSTANCE and FULFILLMENT of ALL God's Promises, some of God's Promises in Him are STILL awaiting their fulfillment IN LINEAR TIME, because some of them literally will not be fulfilled until Jesus Christ RETURNS at the END of time, for that's when they're supposed to be completed. But they WILL ALL COME TRUE THROUGH CHRIST at some point in salvation history, even if only at that very last second. Now THAT'S an exercise of faith! And yet, we have nothing to worry about even then, because then we know it doesn't matter if we see ANY "proof" of that fulfillment during our temporal lives, because faith ALSO sets our sights on ETERNITY, in God's ETERNAL NOW, where ALL His spoken Words are ALREADY True. And we WILL "see" them then.
So the point is this = this "new exercise of faith" for Abraham was that of TRUSTING GOD'S WORDS with regards to the REALITY of not only the physically unseen and temporally distant and personally intangible, but also with the heretofore unexperienced and humanly incomprehensible and logically impossible. God wanted Abraham to make this FIRST ACT of DEFINITIVE FAITH, the faith that would "make him righteous" in God's eyes and also make Abraham the very "father OF faith", both in the metaphysical-historical sense– as the first man to display such a faith in response to God– and in the spiritual-genetic sense, as the earthly father of God's Chosen people, both through his own literal bloodline and through the Blood of Christ, Who brings all men of faith of all time into Abraham's family by incorporating them into His Own Mystical Body, as the True Seed of Abraham– a faith which would make ALL such men TRULY righteous.
Of course this takes literal centuries to come to fruition, in God's perfect timing, but it all starts here, in this old man stepping into a strange land and learning that he doesn't even get to claim rights over a single pebble of it, and yet that it would belong to him through his progeny, who were not merely as yet nonexistent but also logically impossible.
God was telling Abraham, these Promises are so much bigger than you. Abraham was merely "taking the first next step" on the road to salvation first Promised in Eden, that God was now placing in new clarity before all humanity, stretching on unfailingly towards a destination that Abraham could not even fathom, and yet which he would be an indispensable part in accomplishing, through his own personal decision to HAVE FAITH IN GOD'S WORDS AS GOD'S WORDS. It was, in a sense, his solemn privilege to "start the journey" on the behalf of all who would follow after him in faith– of all those who would be called "children of Abraham," solely through his history-changing decision to TRUST GOD, that He WOULD do what He SAID, indeed as He HAD done for ALL His faithful ones before that time, and would CONTINUE to do until the END of time, no matter what happened in the meantime, and no matter how impossible that Promised end appeared to be until then. 
But I'm going in circles!
This "new exercise" was really the "only exercise" and all the trusting that Abraham would be asked to do from then on out would simply be a deepening and expanding of that exercise— the faith in God's CHARACTER leading to faith in God's WORDS– the unshakable reality that GOD IS TRUTH. Everything else is unnecessary babble. Faith is just the unconditionally childlike trust that "God speaks reality," and then living accordingly. There is no room for doubt (Luke 1:18), only wonder (Luke 1:34). Faith takes God at His Word, and simply says "YES." (Luke 1:38)]

That SAME faith exercise [of radical trust in God's Word despite all absence of sensible proof, and/or despite all apparent contradiction] YOU HAVE TOO.
You HAVE CONVERTED [from some various state of unbelief into faith in Jesus Christ], and you KNOW that [this conversion through grace (CCC 1989), naturally and necessarily leading to subsequent BAPTISM into His Church (CCC 1992)– without which our conversion is incomplete (CCC 1997-2001)– means] that YOU BELONG TO THE LORD JESUS, Who has ALL POWER in heaven and on earth.
But what do you SEE of that at this moment? At this moment, [like Abraham, having left your old "pagan" homeland at His call of grace, and traveling into this new and unknown Promised Land of the Church,] YOU ARE A STRANGER ON EARTH, WITHOUT CIVIL RIGHTS. THIS IS NOT YOUR HOME. [But also like Abraham, despite your perpetual sojourning in this current world,] you COULD surely look FORWARD to what’s COMING, when the Lord Jesus WILL take the world into [His FULL] possession (1 Corinthians 15:19-28, Revelation 11:15, 20:4-6, 21:7). Then YOU will possess the world TOGETHER WITH HIM (Colossians 3:1-4, Matthew 25:24, Daniel 7:27, 1 Peter 1:3-9). Until that time (Revelation 22:20), the PROMISE of that POSSESSION gives you the STRENGTH to live HERE as a STRANGER.

The sojourning of Abraham is being underlined because he dwelt in tents. A HOUSE is the symbol of a PERMANENT RESIDENCE, while a TENT indicates the TEMPORARY CHARACTER of a dwelling place.
[THE CHURCH IS A "HOUSE," OUR BODIES ARE "TENTS"-- THIS IS SIGNIFICANT BECAUSE THE CHURCH IS CHRIST'S BODY AND WE ARE PART OF IT NOW]
‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ ALSO, his [PROMISED] SON Isaac and his GRANDCHILD Jacob were living like that. They also, as FELLOW HEIRS of the SAME PROMISE, have NOT received what was promised. In case Abraham expected that THEY would receive the fulfillment, it would then be a NEW exercise of faith [on HIS part– here was the miracle child, here was the first new generation of progeny, here was the real growth of the Promised family that could indeed begin to "possess" the Promised land in earnest– and yet, Abraham still MADE NO PRESUMPTIONS upon God's timing and intentions. God HAD said, "I WILL give," but He had NOT said, "you decide when"!! Abraham KNEW by experience (Genesis 16:1-5, 17:17-21, 21:9-12, 22:2) that he was NEVER to try to "rush" or "help" God's Promises to happen, and thus he was NEVER to make ANY decision in regards TO the Promises WITHOUT GOD TELLING HIM TO. So until and unless God specifically told Abraham or Isaac or Jacob that "I am now giving you the land to settle in," they were NOT to "make up their own minds" to build houses or buy land or do ANYTHING in terms of "possession"– because the Land was to be RECEIVED as a PROMISED INHERITANCE, and NOT TAKEN as a personal glory!!! THAT'S WHAT ADAM AND EVE DID.]

Abraham is NOT DISCOURAGED by [these circumstances of generational sojourn (and spiritual poverty!) whatsoever]. He STAYS FOCUSED on what the Lord has PROMISED. Although he has nothing [to claim as his "property" in this world, this does not faze him because he is NOT SEEKING any property that God does not give him. He has lived DECADES of PRACTICED FAITH in the Invisible God; he has SEEN God work miracles, he KNOWS God is trustworthy and above all he surely KNOWS that there IS a reality– a greater reality, a higher world, where God Is– BEYOND this one, a reality where God's Plans for humanity are fully realized. Otherwise, why speak Promises in such longterm ways? Why speak Promises to unborn peoples and unseen destinies? There MUST be something greater in God's Heart, something that Abraham had tasted through faith, and which was so beautiful that all the treasures of this world meant nothing in comparison. (And ACTUALLY, since Abraham DEFINITELY KNEW the story of Eden, then he ALSO knew of that FIRST PROMISE, that of a SAVIOR, and of WHY it was given– to SAVE MANKIND FROM ITS FALLEN STATE AND RESTORE US TO LIFE. This means that Abraham actually KNEW on some level that MAN WAS NOT CREATED TO DIE. But perhaps that, too, had never really "hit home" until God Himself started making Promises to HIM in actual continuation of that very first one!! This realization– if he had such a one– would surely have woken up something deeply joyful in Abraham's soul that gradually grew until it lifted him up entirely above all things of this world on the wings of FAITH.) (BTW I just checked– BACE says that Abraham DID receive the specific revelation of the Messianic Lineage to be continued through him in Genesis 18! Prior to that he HAD been given the "the mysterious Blessing, the Holy Thing from Heaven" as a pledge of posterity, but had not yet been enlightened upon what it was or meant, and was only told to wait for Melchizedek (Genesis 14), specifically because he "was to celebrate before him the sacrifice which, after the coming of the Messiah, would be accom­plished, and which should be continued forever"– and who, when he did arrive and offer the sacrifice, specifically prayed before Adam's bones "that God would fulfill the Promise made to Adam of a future Messiah". (This sacrificial offering greatly strengthened Abraham's faith, and it is ALSO the time when Abraham was made a PRIEST, which is directly related to the Akedah!!!) But it wasn't until Genesis 18 that "the first angel (announced) to Abraham as he knelt that God would bring forth from his posterity a sinless, an immaculate maiden who, while remain­ing an inviolate virgin, should be the mother of the Redeemer, and that he was now to receive what Adam had lost through sin," upon which he was FINALLY enlightened as to the "Mysterious Blessing" he had been given, that would ultimately, due to Israel's sin, "be removed from the Ark and confided to the Patriarchs and [finally] would be given over to a man who would be the father of the promised Virgin." So yeah I have NO IDEA if Abraham had any solid thoughts of eternal life BEFORE that moment but even so, this was DEFINITELY when his faith locked in hard.) So, OBVIOUSLY, because of all this having happened to him even before Isaac was born, Abraham's heart has LONG SINCE become detached from all earthly gain for its own sake (I would say he only even "desires" the Land inasmuch as God desires to give it to him, and then only for God's sake), and now] his AFFECTIONS have [been graciously PURIFIED of all grasping selfishness and natural worldliness, and have gained] a FIRM CHARACTER, [one defined by FAITH and HOPE, and set on HEAVENLY things]– He LONGS for a "better land", and CLINGS DIRECTLY AND COMPLETELY TO GOD... Abraham has LEARNT BY FAITH to LOOK for something BEYOND a fulfillment in HIS days, [a fulfillment] that is BETTER than [ANY] possession on EARTH.

When you TRUST IN GOD, and GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR HIS SAKE, you will ALWAYS GAIN MORE [than you "lose,"], and you WILL LEARN MORE from the Ways of His Might.
[Learn what? More ways in which He is trustworthy and powerful and "mighty to save"? More of His Character and Person? More of His Love and Mercy and Miracles? Perhaps all of that and so much more.]
❓❓❓❓❓Hadn’t Abraham "seen" the God of glory (Acts 7:2)? [LOOK INTO CATHOLIC NOTES ON THIS?? If it WAS a vision-- like BACE says that BOTH ADAM AND NOAH had-- this would have a SIGNIFICANT IMPACT on Abraham's faith than merely hearing God's VO]
That caused an unprecedented extent to his faith– [one that had not (yet?) been explicitly] revealed in the Old Testament– [the faith in, and hope for, a heavenly reality, a Kingdom of God, BEYOND this world.]
[But how wonderful, that this very Heavenly and Eternal Kingdom WAS the TRUE fulfillment of this Promise to Abraham, for its King is Jesus Christ, Himself a descendant of Abraham according to the flesh, Who possesses the entire world (Psalm 2:6-8, Revelation 11:15)! And so, in this sense, even the Promised Land itself would one day be "possessed by" Abraham through Christ, for it belongs to Abraham inasmuch as Abraham belongs to God (1 Corinthians 3:21-23).
But the true Promised Land, the one Abraham longed for, was the land in which all of Abraham's children would WORSHIP the LORD, the land from which BLESSING would go out to all the world, the land in which they would live in "a COVENANT in perpetuity," where God would be THEIR God (Genesis 17:7)... a land that the faithful could TRULY call "home," BECAUSE IT WAS GOD'S HOME.
ALL of this is only PERFECTLY fulfilled in the NEW Covenant, when Abraham's children become GOD'S children through HIS Only Begotten Son, and through Whom the entire world is brought to the "New Jerusalem" to worship God for ages unending, the Heavenly City where "all find their home" and God "dwells among men."]
[In any case, please learn more about this whole concept and ponder it more deeply. I want to make sure I understand it properly, especially because I know that at the deepest level somehow Jesus Christ Himself IS our Homeland, our "Promised Land" that God has given us to live in forever.]

‼️‼️‼️[The “HEAVENLY and ETERNAL] City which has FOUNDATIONS”... stands opposite to "dwelling in [temporary] TENTS on EARTH." [And BOTH circumstances are their NATURAL AND PROPER CONDITIONS]
🌟🌟🌟❤❤❤ Of that City, God is both the “architect” (or technician, creative artist, designer, somebody who designs building plans) and the “builder”. Then it MUST be a PERFECT city... EVERY citizen will feel AT HOME there. ALL things OF and IN that city BEARS THE CHARACTER of its Designer and Builder.
[That is SO POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL and it's so inevitably TRUE! Somehow I never before considered the (obvious!) fact that the Artist is indeed reflected in His Art– despite the explicit revelation that not only does Creation itself reveal true aspects God by its very existence (Romans 1:20, Psalm 19:1-4), but especially that humanity is LITERALLY MADE IN GOD’S OWN IMAGE (Genesis 1:26-27), and who are His greatest works of art for that very reason. So of COURSE the Heavenly City– in which mankind is DESTINED to LIVE with God– would be no exception; it too MUST reflect God’s Character, and in an EVEN MORE LUCID MANNER than anything we could EVER experience in material creation, ESPECIALLY not after the FALL!
But don't ever forget– the ABSOLUTE PERFECT IMAGE of God, the MOST ACCURATE & COMPLETE revelation of God's Character, the "MASTERPIECE of the Holy Ghost" and the "magnum opus" of the cosmos, is JESUS CHRIST (Hebrews 1:3, 2 Corinthians 4:6, John 1:14+18, 12:45, 14:9, 2 Corinthians 4:4+6, Colossians 1:15, 2:9, Luke 9:28-35, 2 Peter 1:16-18). His Face is infinitely more beautiful than even the Heavenly City itself; The vision of Christ’s Face IS the true Beauty and Glory of the Heavenly City– it IS the great reward and highest joy of ALL its citizens! Jesus Christ IS the Architect Designer and Builder of the City AND its citizens; Jesus Christ IS the Perfect Artwork of the Father; and Jesus Christ IS our HOME in Whom we will dwell forever as His family, and to Whom we belong in Love as His Bride. And most stunningly, when we get to Heaven, when Christ finally appears before us,"WE shall be LIKE HIM, and SEE HIM AS HE REALLY IS" (1 John 3:1-3).]
[But EVEN NOW, we MUST REALIZE with HOLY AWE that, even if only BY FAITH (1 Peter 1:8, John 20:29, Matthew 5:8, Acts 7:55-6, 2 Corinthians 4:18, Hebrews 12:2), we HAVE seen Him!!! DO NOT TAKE THIS GRACE FOR GRANTED!!! Let the sight of that Divine Face be your dearest focus, and let Him be your longing as you live out your exile, and the very goal of your pilgrimage! HE IS THE PROMISE. HE IS YOUR INHERITANCE AND HOME. HE IS YOUR LIFE. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️💜💜💜 ...It is also underlined that he was “as good as dead”. That emphasizes that GOD GIVES LIFE FROM DEATH. The son of Abraham, the son of the Promise, comes "FROM the death", and BY that therefore also ALL his descendants.
[WHAT??? IS THIS A PRINCIPLE???? OH MAN PLEASE TYPE ABOUT THIS IN DEPTH LATER]
[THE CROSS IS THE ONLY LADDER TO HEAVEN; WE CAN ONLY BE RESURRECTED IF WE DIE FIRST]

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️The confession of those who died in faith was NOT [merely] a "lip confession" [of hypocrisy and noncomittment; they spoke TRUTH from their HEARTS, and therefore their words were NEVER] contradicted by their PRACTICE [but rather were CONCURRENT??? Their actions may have "come first" in the sense that it is indeed hypocritical to confess something you have not yet take some determined action to prove and express, but in taking those very actions you make a confession, and those actions are indeed impossible without the real kernel of that confession already existing within one's soul]. In their PRACTICE you SAW what they CONFESSED with their mouth. They CLEARLY SHOWED WHAT THEY WERE LOOKING FOR, which means that they were LONGING for a HOMELAND. YOU ONLY DO THAT WHEN YOU’RE SURE THAT YOU HAVEN’T ARRIVED THERE YET.
[OTHERWISE YOU SHOW THAT YOU ALREADY "FEEL AT HOME" WHERE YOU ARE, AND THIS MEANS YOU HAVE NO CAPACITY FOR HOPE]

 

Alive
EVERY READING AT MASS HIT MY HEART DEAD-ON

Adoration HOUR

Mom shop
I become a totally different person when I'm with her and it's so sad and upsetting. I can't seem to stop it or control it, and I'm not even aware it's happening until I get home and my mind "comes back online" in the quiet solitude. It disturbs me so much; it takes a full hour at least to get stable enough to think straight-- and it also demands intense exercise to burn off the accompanying physical stress (the two go together I've noticed).
God how can we change this?  I want to live as a good kind Christian when I'm with her and it just isn't happening.
Is this all just dissociation?


Evening=

INTENSE PANIC after eating.
I feel impending doom, like I've eaten poison.
VERY BRAVELY REFUSING TO PURGE
Trying to use dissociation to my advantage and "detach" from the screaming terror but it's not something I can really do consciously? 
I miss the days when we had so many people alive in the System that I could just call someone else in to manage this. God I miss that so much.
Could we ever have that again? Should we? 



OH BY THE WAY
THE GIFT HAS ARRIVED

YOU'RE PART OF THE FAMILY NOW BUDDY!!!!

Chaos 0 amused that their anchor plushes are going to be next to each other on my bed (I will take a photo)
"He doesn't need to worry. I don't bite... hard"
Laurie saying "that's Genesis talk"
CZ then makes it worse by adding "besides, I only eat gemstones"
Me: "funny you should say that, because I only drink water"
CZ: "BLUE water, even"
Laurie: "you two BE CAREFUL who you say stuff like that around"
(Infi talk is dangerous outside!)

Honestly though I've repeatedly tested negative for bivalve allergies so I shouldn't have any issue with cephalopods...




------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING =  DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

This particular verse about Noah delivers a number of ASPECTS of faith that are worthy of being mentioned:
1. First there is the GROUND of his faith: he is WARNED BY GOD.
[His faith begins by HEARING the Word of God (Romans 10:17)– notably a word of WARNING of JUDGMENT. This is actually so significant– our FAITH IN GOD really is only truly awakened ONLY when we are awakened to the REALITY OF SIN, and the ETERNAL CONSEQUENCES of it, and ONLY THIS REALIZATION makes us finally feel and admit our desperate NEED for God, as our SAVIOR. Truly, ANYONE can get to know that God exists through observing Creation itself (Romans 1:19-20), but ONLY if that person perceives the reality of God as its TRANSCENDENT CREATOR, and DOESN'T instead think that Creation itself is divine (Romans 1:21-23)– because THAT error is actually FAR MORE DANGEROUS that people realize, as it ultimately DENIES OBJECTIVE MORALITY, since it denies the reality of God as a DIVINE PERSON, Who is both the STANDARD and the JUDGE. And THAT'S why, terribly and tragically, so many nature-centered religions fall into moral depravity, especially of a hedonistic and "animal" sort (Romans 1:24-28), and in a scarily short time this will INEVITABLY lead to worse and worse sin (Romans 1:29-31), because– to be blunt– any sexual sin throws the door wide open to the worst demons, and sexual sin is far too easily and typically "justified" by pagan mindsets (as our current culture proves). But such sin ONLY gets to this horrific extreme BECAUSE there is NO RECOGNITION OF GOD AS A PERSON, and thus NO ADHERENCE TO GOD'S MORAL STANDARD, and thus NO ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE WARNINGS OF GOD, because they even DENY the reality of SIN altogether, and thus DENY the possibility of JUDGMENT (especially for those that believe in reincarnation, or deny an afterlife altogether). This is so dangerous because THE WARNINGS ARE STILL REAL and yet to a mind that refuses or struggles to admit that there IS a objective divine moral standard, and therefore that sin and guilt and judgment ARE real and applicable to EVERY human being, those warnings will be ignored or laughed off or even violently opposed. They didn't have FAITH in God's EXISTENCE in the TRUE way, even though they "heard" His Words in Nature, because they didn't (or didn't want to) realize or admit that there WERE Words being spoken (which, again, requires a Person TO speak them; instead they thought that apparently nature was only "speaking of itself"??? That alone says a LOT about the difference between pagan religions and the true faith– the former tends to focus on SELF as divine, while the latter focuses on the OTHERNESS of divinity??? Many pagans see nature as "glorifying itself," as being "its own creator" in a sense; and thus as part of nature, they conclude that humans can glory in themselves too, as "everything is god"??? This is where the moral relativism and "my truth" comes in; humans become their "own standards" with no external judge or judgment, and certainly no sin, because self-justification is scarily easy when you believe that your own motives and intentions are pure and good by default– that even if you cause harm to another, it "wasn't intended," or in extreme cases, it "isn't actually harmful at all." But I can't talk about this much as it hurts and I used to live like that and do not ever want those thoughts in my head ever again, even as criticizing them as so deadly. The point is that the TRUTH is that there IS an objective divine moral standard and IT EXISTS IN OUR CONSCIENCE (Romans 2:14-16), if that conscience hasn't been malformed or corrupted of course, and that DOES happen when one "takes God out of the picture", when one doesn't have FAITH in what God has SAID, either through ignorance or denial or deception (Titus 1:15-16). And this starts most easily and most immediately when one simply misses the mark at the most basic level, in attributing creation to itself, and thus undermining the entire plan of salvation. If they cannot hear God's Words in Creation, AS Words spoken by a CREATOR, then) they CANNOT have faith in His WORDS, because they don't have faith in His PERSON. But I've repeated that point enough already. The bottom line of it all is that FAITH IN GOD AS A PERSON (Deuteronomy 6:4) WILL ALWAYS INVOLVE THE REVELATION OF THE FACT THAT WE ARE NOT GOD (Psalm 100:3, Deuteronomy 32:6), AND CANNOT TRUST OUR OWN "WORDS" (Psalm 95:6-9), BECAUSE WE ARE IN FACT SINNERS, AND WE NEED TO BE SAVED, OR ELSE WE WILL BE JUDGED (Psalm 95:10-11). But how do we come to truly know this? ONLY THROUGH HIS PERSONAL WORD TO US– ONLY THROUGH HIS GOSPEL. Scripture and the Church (which are inextricable) are absolutely essential to human life, both temporal and eternal. Without God's revealed Word, we are truly lost. But we NEED to have "EARS TO HEAR", or it will do us no good (Matthew 13:9-17+19, Mark 4:9-15), and we can ONLY hear through faith. That's the paradox. If we aren't willing to hear, we won't (Jeremiah 5:21). If we aren't open to trust, we won't. If we close our ears out of fear or pride or apathy or anger, then we won't hear anything, even if it is being shouted at us.
FAITH comes by HEARING, yes, but SPECIFICALLY by hearing the WORD of God ABOUT CHRIST, Who ALONE reveals the Father to mankind, EVEN when He was only known through the Promise– because the Promise was given in the initial wake of SIN, and for REDEMPTION from it. Therefore, yes, FAITH comes by hearing God's WARNING of JUDGMENT, because that very warning is a CALL to REPENTANCE, and a revelation of a JUST BUT MERCIFUL JUDGE, and the existence of a MORAL LAW that HAS been broken, and the AWAKENING OF CONSCIENCE and the AWARENESS OF GUILT and the NEED FOR A SAVIOR– Who WAS ALWAYS PROMISED to us, and HAS BEEN GIVEN to us, and THAT is the GOSPEL!!! The very FACT that God GIVES mankind a warning IS the heart of the Gospel– "REPENT," and THAT'S how you "BELIEVE in the Gospel"– and you do so BECAUSE "the KINGDOM OF GOD IS NEAR" (Mark 1:15)!!!! You CANNOT repent if you don't recognize the KING!! But because He HAS arrived, we CAN repent, and TRUST in HIM to SAVE us.
In Noah's time, THE PROMISE STILL EXISTED. Sinners could repent because the Promise itself told them that repentance was necessary, by REVEALING that mankind HAD a NEED of a SAVIOR, even to those who had never considered such a thing before. This is the bottom line. The WARNING WAKES US UP TO THE FULL TRUTH, and thus to the FULL BEAUTY AND GOODNESS OF GOD AS SAVIOR. And THAT is the BASIS of our trust in Him– that revelation that God is not only a Person, but a Person Who is personally dedicated to redeeming us from death itself, the result of sin– and Who mercifully takes every opportunity to let us know that we ARE dying, because we ARE sinners, so we can REPENT from those sins and find LIFE in HIM, the life which He has PROMISED through a SAVIOR. This is the foundation of faith because it PROVES that God is GOOD in His Heart towards us, that He CAN be trusted, and that He WANTS us to LIVE and be SAVED and be FREE. He wouldn't warn us if He didn't want us to ESCAPE the danger, and to someone who never realized they WERE in danger, let alone that there was a personal God Who CARES about them closely enough TO warn them, this revelation VIA WARNING is indeed WHERE REAL FAITH BEGINS. Creation can tell us God exists, and that God is good and beautiful, but it cannot tell us that we are in moral danger, and that there is only one way out– albeit one sure and certain Way: the very Word that spoke Creation into existence for love of you. HE is the One Who warns you, because He WANTS to save you. All you need to do is TRUST THAT HE WILL, and thus, like Noah, DO WHAT HE TELLS YOU TO DO (James 1:22)].

2. The TERRITORY on which his faith is FOCUSED: things that were NOT YET SEEN.
[That "YET'" is CRITICAL to faith in God, because WHATEVER GOD SAYS IS CERTAIN. His Every Word WILL be fulfilled. There is literally NO ALTERNATIVE, and that is AMAZING to realize. So if we don't see it NOW, we WILL see it later, either in this life or the next– and FAITH sees ALL things "now," because faith sees with GOD'S eyes in a sense; faith TRUSTS in the FACT that GOD WILL DO IT, and so it is ALREADY "as good as done"! "Not yet" ONLY exists in LINEAR TIME; God exists in the "ETERNAL NOW'" and faith glimpses INTO that, and LIVES ACCORDING TO that vision.]

3. The PRACTICE of his faith: he was MOVED with REVERENCE FOR GOD.
[If we truly TRUST God, we WILL inevitably REVERE Him, for His Goodness and Power and Beauty and Glory and Perfection in literally every possible sense. We will revere Him AS GOD, as the SOURCE of ALL Truth, as TRUTH ITSELF. And that reverence expresses itself in WORSHIP and OBEDIENCE, for those three virtues are ALL the FRUIT of trusting faith, which expresses itself in DEEDS. Faith begets reverence, reverence leads to obedience, obedience enables worship, and worship is ALWAYS lived out in our actions– and I must emphasize that ALL of this MUST flow from LOVE, or it is HOLLOW (1 Corinthians 13:2), because remember, FAITH IS "WALKING WITH GOD" (John 14:15, 1 John 2:3-6, Colossians 2:6-7, Hebrews 11:6)– and that LOVE is what MOVES us more than anything!!]

4. The WORK of his faith: he PREPARED an ark for himself AND his household.
[DIFFERENT FROM "PRACTICE"– THE PRACTICE COMES BEFORE THE WORK, AS THE FLOWER TO THE FRUIT!!!! IF YOU AREN'T PRACTICING YOUR FAITH IN CONSISTENT PERSONAL DAILY FIDELITY AND OBEDIENCE AND LOVE (AS CHRIST'S BRIDE, HIDDEN FROM THE WORLD TO STAY CLOSE TO HIM)– THEN YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THE "GREATER" AND PUBLIC WORKS THAT GOD CALLS YOU TO DO FOR THE GOOD OF OTHERS!!! YOU CANNOT "SAVE" YOUR HOUSEHOLD "ON YOUR OWN"; YOU CAN ONLY BRING THE LIGHT OF GOD'S SALVATION TO THEM THROUGH YOUR FAITHFUL WITNESS TO HIM AND HIS GOSPEL. AND THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE IF YOU AREN'T CONSISTENTLY LIVING IN FIDELITY TO THAT GOSPEL ON A DAILY BASIS IN YOUR OWN PERSONAL LIFE– IF YOU HAVEN'T FIRST LET GOD INTO YOUR OWN SOUL TO SAVE IT. OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE A HYPOCRITE AND A FALSE WITNESS. This is terrifying but it is so true. How can you lead others to the Truth if you don't know Him yourself? If God calls you to help Him save souls, how could you ever cooperate with Him as someone who didn't know what it meant TO be saved? How could you ever hope to be a reliable witness, a "preacher of righteousness," if your own life spoke a different theme– if you had been walking without God far too often? The first step to doing God's works for OTHERS is ALWAYS to PRACTICE your faith "for yourself". The two GO TOGETHER. You are NOT exempt; it is a false satanic "humility" that tries to exclude self from God's salvation, on the pretense that "I'm not good enough"! Of course you're not; no one is; that's the WHOLE POINT of MERCY!!! Your job is to be GRATEFUL and respond in LOVE and JOY and live your NEW LIFE IN CHRIST every moment, and ONLY THEN– when you have come to KNOW God through FAMILIARITY, through TIME and CLOSENESS and COMMUNICATION– CAN God use you as His INSTRUMENT, as one He knows exactly how to hold and use so as to bring out the most beautiful music from you. You must be HIS, before you can do HIS work.]

5. The RESULT of his faith: he SAVED his HOUSEHOLD.
[THIS HITS HOME. The ultimate result of ALL faith IS salvation, because our faith is in the WORD of God FOR salvation– for a SAVIOR, for JESUS CHRIST, for the GOSPEL, for the INCARNATE  WORD– and therefore we TRUST that God WILL save us THROUGH Christ, because GOD HAS PROMISED TO SAVE US FROM THE BEGINNING OF TIME, AND JESUS IS THE PROMISE. AND ALL OF GOD’S "OTHER" PROMISES BUILD UPON THE FIRST, AND LEAD TO ITS FULFILLMENT, AND THUS THEY ARE ALL SUMMED UP AND REALIZED IN JESUS!!
And there is NO FAITH (OR HOPE) IN HEAVEN, because THATS when our salvation is FULLY REALIZED, and NOT UNTIL THEN.
As for "saving our household" by our own faithful obedience to God– I would say that specifically applies to witnessing to the Gospel. Noah did that in his own right– not only did he believe God's warning ("repent" or face judgment, basically), and act upon it by building the ark (a type of the CHURCH), he ALSO inevitably had been already living his whole life according to the hope of a Savior, according to the "true religion" passed down from Adam to Enoch and now to himself. And by building the ark, as a response to the warning, in reverent obedience to God's command, Noah testified that God was not only faithful to JUDGE, but to SAVE! It was this entire chain of fidelity on his part that his family was saved– not merely by entering the ark, but by the holy life the man that built it had led, so as to make HIS faithful witness TRUSTWORTHY; if Noah had NOT been righteous, there would have been NO reason to trust that he was obeying GOD in this manner! HIS visible and tangible "walk of faith" was the "light" enabling those close to him to "see" that the unseen God he loved and served so loyally WAS real, and WAS good, for Noah's righteous walk SHOWED that this God was WORTHY of faith, and COULD be trusted, and SHOULD be obeyed, for such devotion to Him to bear such fruit! And thus those who knew Noah as such a person were ABLE to BELIEVE in turn that God HAD spoken to Noah, and could THEN believe in those Words of God THEMSELVES, and thus TRUST and REVERE and OBEY Him too. Of course, this was probably so easy for his family; I trust that Noah had raised very holy relations. But this effect of his witness was meant for all those OUTSIDE his family too– to the ones to whom the warning was especially directed. Unfortunately, they did not believe him– instead they only mocked him! They did not believe that God would judge the world like that; maybe they didn't even want to believe that what they were doing was sinful, was something deserving of judgment. In any case, they weren't part of Noah's household. They "COULD have been", in a sense, IF they had REPENTED and JOINED them in their FAITH, but they did not. So it goes for the Church. ANYONE can enter into God's family, into the "ark" of His Son's Body, IF they have FAITH IN HIM as their SAVIOR. But if they don't trust God, if they won't believe the warning, if they don't listen to His Words... then there's nothing left for them but the floodwaters. And yet God gave them a hundred years to change their minds and hearts. Surely He WANTED them to escape the judgment; He WANTED them to listen and trust and obey and be saved. But He would not force them to. The grace was available, but Love must be freely chosen. After all, without love, a relationship cannot last– not even a family. And without faith, without trust, how can you live as a family? How could you ever hope to be saved by God if you did not trust Him to do so– if you did not believe that He loves you?
The result of ALL our faith IS salvation, but NO ONE can be saved WITHOUT faith, and faith saves not one man, but the WHOLE HOUSEHOLD. Jesus Christ became man for EVERY man. The Church is His BODY, His BRIDE. The Saints are a FAMILY. When we trust God's Word, we trust it for EVERYONE, ourselves included, no one excluded, as long as that Word is BELIEVED, and ACTED UPON (James 2:17). There would have been no ark if Noah hadn't built it. His faith opened the door to others. The Cross embraces all people. The Church calls all nations to herself. The Gospel is preached in every language. God is speaking His Promise and His Warning in the same Word, even now, even until the end of time. Will we listen? Will we look? Will we trust in the witness of others, and come to trust in the One they trust? Will we leave the fallen world behind and join the household of faith in the ark?
Pretense will not save us. Either we believe the flood is coming and we act accordingly, or we don't. Only faith results in salvation. And God's household is still the living witness to it.]

6. His WHOLE CONDUCT was a WITNESS of faith: he was JUDGING THE WORLD.
[I think I've effectively spoken to this enough already! Just note that Noah himself was NOT passing sentence on anyone– in fact, BACE attests most tenderly that Noah even stopped working on the ark three times in the desperate hope that maybe God would have reason to "change His verdict" and avert the coming destruction (Genesis 18:23-32) = "[Noah was] interiorly instructed upon God's design to destroy mankind, and he was commanded to build an ark. I saw that Noah grew sad at the announce­ment, and that he prayed for the punishment to be averted. He did not begin the work at once. Again the Lord appeared to him, twice in succession, com­manding him to begin the building, otherwise he should perish with the rest of mankind... It was long before the ark was completed, for Noah often discontinued it for years at a time. Three times did God warn him to proceed with it. Each time Noah would engage workmen, recommence, and again dis­continue in the hope that God would relent." But tragically, this did not happen, for the people did not turn from their evil ways.
HOWEVER I must "stand corrected" here– BACE implies that, contrary to my thoughts, Noah did NOT go to the cities to announce this warning as a "preacher of righteousness" in a literal oracular sense??? First she says, "I saw Noah removing with all his family to... a high, woody, SOLITARY region... No words can express what Noah endured from the malice and ill will of the workmen during the whole time that the ark was building. They mocked him, they insulted him in every way, they called him a fool. He paid them well in cattle, but that did not prevent their reviling him. NO ONE KNEW WHY HE WAS BUILDING THE ARK, therefore did they ridicule him."
So first of all, Noah SPECIFICALLY moved FAR AWAY from settled society to begin this work (smart, so as to be uninterrupted and uncorrupted, to focus more exclusively on God, and to detach more entirely from that world about to be destroyed), meaning that this was NOT something people would just "see as they passed by"; it was apparently NOT a place even readily accessible to men? So this ark was NOT a "public witness" during its construction; it wasn't "that guy down the road with a boat in his yard". Noah was in solitary high places doing this– an obvious type of Christ even so (Matthew 14:23, Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16, 6:12). Nevertheless, he WAS HIRING PEOPLE (from neighboring cities?) to HELP him build it– whether he went out to hire them in person I don't know. But the shocking point is that, neither in the hiring nor in the working, Noah NEVER TOLD THEM WHY THE ARK WAS BEING BUILT???? Even though they obviously realized it WAS a huge boat??? Did they ever ASK??? Or did they just mock and insult him over it, so that he simply kept quiet and felt no obligation to respond, because they wouldn't take it seriously anyway? OR DID NOAH JUST NEVER SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE GOD HAD NEVER SPECIFICALLY TOLD HIM TO???? AND NOAH REFUSED TO PRESUME???? Or would he have sadly realized that such general broadcasting of this holy message would have been "casting pearls before swine"??? AND YET he kept stopping the project specifically because he obviously wanted the disaster to be averted, and yet that couldn't happen unless people repented??? OH WAIT I GET IT NOW, OH MAN– IF NOAH HAD TOLD THESE SINFUL MEN WHY HE WAS BUILDING THE ARK (i.e. TO SAVE HIS FAMILY FROM GOD'S IMMINENT JUDGMENT UPON THE NATIONS), THEY 1. MIGHT HAVE TAKEN VIOLENT OFFENSE AND SABOTAGED OR DESTROYED IT, INSTEAD OF JUST THINKING NOAH WAS STUPID & CRAZY, OR 2. IF THEY HAD FEARED ITS LEGITIMACY, THEY MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN THE IDEA TO START BUILDING THEIR OWN ARKS!!! THIS IS THE SAME REASON WHY RAHAB WAS FORBIDDEN FROM TELLING ANYONE ELSE ABOUT THE SCARLET CORD!!!!
In any case this is sobering. To think, there might be warnings of doom against our own sins right in front of us, but we cannot recognize them, because we're too busy scorning the messenger, or deeming the means too strange to take seriously...]

mercy mercy mercy mercy

FATHER E HELPED ;________;

I had to walk THREE MILES to get food today BUT GOD GAVE ME FOOD
And if this brand of broccoli is rotten too, then so be it. I'm so tired of fighting.
At least this time I was smart enough to grab green beans for backup, so my stomach had better decide that it likes those if that's our only option

Evelyn drive home!! God bless that woman she is SO KIND
"Let's say a prayer asking God to get us there safely"

Got home and THE NEW DEBIT CARD ARRIVED
God i cannot even FATHOM how UNDESERVING I am of this insane outpouring of mercy today

Put the Celebi plushes and Anxi figure back out.
Since God is being so kind and compassionate and merciful to me, I feel deeply moved & convicted that I need to do the same for them.
I love those girls; I cannot throw them away, even just reminders of their precious existences. I must stop closing off my heart to love.


Remember these. This is EXACTLY what I'm going through right now.
https://youtube.com/shorts/ggPTXj2pXBE?is=nzihb7OsWp8IVCez
https://youtube.com/shorts/wKCpLR2tSHA?is=ku4VbsLk-Kl9pli2

Organic broccoli bags are notably smaller portions but oh man what a relief and a joy to actually have legit broccoli to eat

Also since we ate less we finished early so now we get to sleep well today which is such a needed blessing, thank You God for Your astonishingly abundant mercies to us today, don't ever let us forget this.


Activated new card.
Made a certain important purchase. Will update soon. 


Late night =
Kissing both Chaos 0 and Laurie
The huge differences between them both, and how beloved those differences are.
I fall into Chaos 0 like an ocean; he has absolutely no walls and never has. I could drown in his open heart; his love is as deep as the sea and just as readily embracing.
But Laurie... she still has armor. She's steel, but she's also blood, and she's also starlight. How do I explain? You can't "fall into" her; she has to let you in on purpose, and that "privileged distance" is so precious

Took Laurie to her VIOLET REALM for it
Shifting between high mountains with galaxies above, dark violet-lit cathedrals that felt almost underground, and paths lit with lanterns along the ground?
It's still so unstable? All the iridiregni are

Laurie and I briefly talking about how WE STILL NEED BLUE/YELLOW/GREEN CENTRALITES
Josephina held too much black???
In any case why have those THREE SLOTS been SUCH A WARZONE since the System BEGAN???
Is THAT family "trauma" bleedover too????
How do we fix that, where do we focus our efforts, so that we can finally be a full rainbow?


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https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING =  DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟...'WALKING with God’ is SYNONYMOUS with ‘PLEASING God’. ["Walking" means] THE WHOLE WAY OF LIVING. Enoch [ACTIVELY & CONSCIOUSLY] INVOLVED GOD IN ALL ASPECTS OF HIS LIFE. GOD was the OBJECT of his [ENTIRE LIFE; with NO EXCEPTIONS– every decision, every choice, every action, every motivation, every goal, every desire, every plan, was CENTERED ON GOD, ORIENTED TOWARDS GOD, and DONE FOR GOD'S SAKE; everything Enoch did was IN OBEDIENCE TO GOD'S WORD and IN HARMONY WITH GOD'S WILL. Enoch didn't just "check in with God" before he made a decision in his daily goings; Enoch literally made every decision WITH God. THAT'S the key point here, the REASON why his life was so perfect and holy– Enoch and God were INSEPARABLE. They lived TOGETHER; they were DEAR FRIENDS; and (as Enoch, through his true faith, was also a member of the prototypical church) they were MARRIED. Enoch's faithful life proves that he was so in love with God, that the very thought of doing anything apart from Him was unfathomable. Enoch's sole joy and purpose WAS to love God, to serve Him in everything he did, and to please Him thereby– not as a mere duty-driven servant, but as an eager and outgoing friend, as a devoted and generous spouse. This is the ONLY way to "walk with God" and "please Him" in a REAL way– we must LIVE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. After all, it's IMPOSSIBLE to "walk with" a stranger; the very act of walking together naturally makes you slowly become friends– unless you have a hard heart; in which case I add that it's IMPOSSIBLE to walk with someone you refuse to talk to or even look at, without eventually parting ways, OR changing your heart TO finally interact with them. There are ONLY TWO OPTIONS– either you walk in relationship, or you walk alone. And God is NOT "pleased" by such a walk of distant isolated solitude– in fact it breaks His Heart. It also angers Him, because such aloofness is not only dangerous and harmful to you (who He loves), but because it keeps you away from Him, Who IS your truest happiness and joy, and Who only wants to share HIS Life WITH you so that YOUR life can FULFILL ITS PURPOSE, and ultimately LEAD YOU TO HEAVEN!! But heaven is literally love, and if you won't live in love of God NOW– if you won't even walk with Him now– then how would you ever be able to live with Him forever, looking upon His Face, Heart to heart for eternity? If you aren't pleasing to Him now, because you don't try to be, or don't want to be, what place would you have in heaven? You see the terror of coldness! This life is temporary; eternity is forever, and eternity is either WITH God in HEAVEN, or WITHOUT God in HELL. Those are the ONLY TWO OUTCOMES, and they are decided HERE AND NOW, TODAY, by how you are living your life according to either state. Are you walking with God today? Is there room for Him in your plans? Do you talk to Him about them? Do you talk to Him at all? Is there a room for Him in your heart? Or is your heart His Home entirely? Do you enjoy spending time with Him? Do you seek to do so as much as you can? Do you invite Him to accompany you even in small things? Do you enjoy His company? Do you tell Him so? Do you look for ways to show your love for Him? Do you listen to Him when He speaks? Do you seek to always learn more about Him? Do you give Him all of yourself? Do you share your life with Him in every way you can? Do you walk with Him wherever you go? Do you look forward to spending your day with Him? Do you keep your attention fixed on Him? Do you tell others about how joyful and blessed your life is with Him? Do you trust His Will when things don't go your way? Do you happily surrender your plans to His when He asks you to? Do you honestly tell Him about your fears and struggles and doubts? Do you keep an open channel of communication with Him at all hours and in all circumstances? Do you let Him carry you when you're too tired to walk on your own? Do you let Him lead the way? Do you hold His Hand? Do you look at Him as you travel? Do you trust that He wants to walk with you too? Do you believe that He loves you so much that He wants to share every moment of His Life with you too? Do you say "yes" to His love?
THAT'S what it means to be faithful. THAT'S fidelity to God. THAT'S what it means to be headed towards heaven, because THAT'S the eternal relationship that such a "walk" of committed love already participates in here on earth =]
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ ...Enoch, IN his walk WITH God, had come THAT CLOSE to heaven that God said: ‘COME IN NOW.’ I believe that we should also be like that as MEMBERS of the CHURCH... A walk WITH GOD can ONLY bring you CLOSER to heaven.
[Remember, Scripture even says that THIS is often why "the good die young" (Wisdom 3:1-9, 4:7-17), SPECIFICALLY in reference to Enoch = "But the righteous, though they may die young, will be at rest. He was taken away so evil could not undermine his judgment nor deceit seduce his soul. SINCE his soul pleased the Lord, the Lord QUICKLY TOOK HIM FROM THE WICKEDNESS AROUND HIM" (Wisdom 4:7, 11, 14)!!!]
[Just remember the terrible alternative– if you ARENT walking with God, then you're walking the WRONG WAY – because GOD IS THE ONLY WAY (John). If you're NOT walking WITH God, because you want to walk ALONE, the terrible truth is that you're STILL INEVITABLY walking WITH SOMEONE ELSE THAN GOD– because even if you stubbornly claim that you're just "by yourself," and that you "want to go it alone," and you "prefer to do things on my own," and that "I can take care of things by myself," and "I don't need anyone else's company," and "I'm not a child to need someone to lead me," etc.– you're STILL walking with your SELF, and that self is WOUNDED BY SIN, whether you admit it or not. So if your self's desires are NOT in line with GOD– which they WON'T be if you AREN'T CLOSE ENOUGH TO GOD TO HEAR AND KNOW WHAT HE DESIRES– then your desires will instead INEVITABLY be in line with GOD'S ENEMY. And therefore, NOT walking with God ALWAYS ends up with you ACTIVELY WALKING AWAY FROM GOD (Matthew 12:30, 1 John 2:19, Joshua 24:15, 1 Kings 18:21, James 4:4), and therefore "walking with" the "prince of THIS WORLD" and of all that is NOT of God– even "at a distance," for he hates being close to others too, but now you are on the SAME ROAD as him, headed in the SAME DIRECTION. Whenever you make that fatal decision to "walk alone"– and that literally means WHENEVER you do so, even briefly, even in subtle ways, even if you have been faithful before, in deviating from God's path "for just a minute," in leaving Him waiting to wander somewhere else out of curiosity, in insisting you know a better way and trying to force Him to follow you, in standing still and refusing to go where He leads, in staying home when He is calling you out, in walking with Him but giving Him the cold shoulder, in walking with Him but not letting Him come inside the house afterwards, and especially in walking alongside Him but still secretly charting your own course– then you are not only LOST, but you are headed towards HELL, the state of ultimate distance. You will have all eternity to be alone then, to walk however freely you please, but then you will discover too late that without God, every path is a dead end, and there is no actual freedom in the prison of self. Hell is hell BECAUSE there is no relationship with God there. There is no love in hell. And in horrible irony, THAT is the ONLY context in which we "CAN be free" from "walking with" ANYONE else– for to WALK together is to BE together, to be in RELATIONSHIP, and to LIVE together for even a little while, and that ALWAYS REQUIRES LOVE. Otherwise, without love, there is no relationship, but only distance and isolation, and lives are not shared, and there is no togetherness. You CANNOT live with another human being, let alone with God, unless you love them, or that situation will collapse and unravel (modern society proves this too tragically often). LOVE IS THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF EXISTENCE. LOVE IS THE SHARING OF HEARTS. GOD IS LOVE AND HEAVEN IS LOVING GOD FOREVER. But we MUST love Him NOW, too, and we do that by WALKING WITH HIM. We are His children! We are His friends! We are His Son's Bride! We are His Spirit's Home! And ALL of those beautiful TRUTHS REQUIRE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP AND CONSTANT ACCOMPANIMENT. If we are to go honestly call ourselves Christians, we have to LIVE as those who BEAR CHRIST'S NAME, and that means as FAMILY. That means WE ARE ALL WALKING AND LIVING TOGETHER WITH GOD, AS HIS CHURCH. We are NEVER alone, and that is BEAUTIFUL, and that is a glimpse of HEAVEN, as THE COMMUNION OF SAINTS UNITED IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD.
I'm just repeating myself by now but THIS IS SO CRITICALLY IMPORTANT in our increasingly "individualistic" society, where people are distanced from each other both physically and emotionally, where families and marriages shatter and split far too early and easily, where people don't even want to get married, where religion is treated more as "self-help" or "therapy" than a committed relationship with a Person, where people take pride in being "self-made" and "making it on my own," where real and lasting friendships are hard to find and harder to keep, where even children are being robbed of their right to be dependent on loving parents... we're slowly but terrifyingly bringing bits of hell into our daily lives because we aren't trying to walk with God, only with ourselves. We aren't trying to please God, only ourselves. So many people don't even give God a spare thought as they go about their days. And we Christians, are we demonstrating what the alternative looks like? Are we actively striving to walk so closely with God– with eager love, not fearful compulsion– that the world can see the difference in our paths? Do our daily decisions give others a sign that there is another road to walk that leads somewhere real and good and bright? Do we make it known that we are walking with a Person, Who loves us and who we love in return, and Who is the source and cause of all our joy? Do we speak of the real hope of heaven to those desperate to get out of hell? Do we lovingly walk with others so that, through our faithful presence, God can walk with them too? Because our walk with God is NEVER a solitary walk; it's NEVER "just me and Jesus." God loves ALL mankind, not just us, and SO MUST WE. When we walk with God, we will INEVITABLY end up walking WITH Him alongside OTHERS that He loves– not only with other friends, with our fellow siblings, with the other members of His Bride, but ALSO with those lost sheep and prodigal children who He wants to bring home and into His family. THAT'S HOW JESUS WALKED WITH GOD and so THAT'S HOW WE MUST, TOO.]
[So there's my spiel, forgive me but my heart was so moved. I could say infinitely more but I do need to continue. God give us all the grace to walk with you, and please you, in every moment of our lives, because we want to share every moment with You, now and forever, in total self-giving love.]

Enoch obtained the WITNESS of God that he pleased Him “BEFORE his being taken up”. His FAITH was REVEALED DURING HIS LIFE that preceded his being taken away.
[It is all well and good for our faith to only be PUBLICLY recognized AFTER our death (as it was for many saints who lived largely hidden lives); BUT our genuine intention and top priority every day until we die should nevertheless be to LIVE OUT our faith in EVERY action and decision and word and thought, as strongly and loudly and ardently and fearlessly and loyally and joyfully as possible, even IF no one sees it but GOD HIMSELF– because He was WITH us in EVERY one of those moments! THAT'S the goal of a Christian life and I daresay THAT'S how to "become a SAINT" in earnest. The goal is TO PLEASE GOD IN EVERYTHING, and the ONLY way to do that is TO DO HIS WILL IN ALL THINGS. THAT is how FAITH is REVEALED, because faith is TRUST in God, and TRUSTING God requires SUBMISSION and SURRENDER to His Will, and thus results in not only OBEDIENCE to His COMMANDS, but also GRATEFUL ACCEPTANCE of His PROVIDENCE, without exceptions, recognizing and embracing EVERYTHING He sends us AS being from HIS Hands and IN HIS GOOD WILL. This is EXACTLY what I'm learning from TWOIP, and it is LIFE-CHANGING. But it is absolutely the ONLY way that our faith will be "revealed", especially if it has been heretofore hidden, because something can ONLY be revealed if it EXISTS, and THIS manner of daily surrendering to God's Will is the TEST of faith's reality for sure– AND it is the means of DEVELOPING our faith, BY GRACE and PRAYER of course, AS we strive in cooperation. "Walking with God" is a CONSTANT, ACTIVE, CONSCIOUS, ONGOING thing; it NEVER ENDS and we can ALWAYS COME BACK as long as we are still alive, but we must NEVER attempt to "leave and come back" in presumption– such hypocrisy will NOT please Him, and THAT'S the whole POINT of the walk, because of WHERE WE'RE HEADED TOGETHER! If you AREN'T willing to stick with God every step, but are happy to keep wandering off and doing your own thing, you WON'T make it to heaven, because you WILL get lost without Him, when you least expect it–for there are many enemies lurking in those byways, clever snakes ready to lure you onto other roads, and equally ready to rob you of all you have and leave you bloodied in the bushes. I would know; that's exactly what happened to me yesterday. But God is still the Good Samaritan, and when I cried out to Him in my misery, He ran to me and picked me up and washed and bandaged me up and carried me back to the right road. His mercy is unfathomable. But now I know, oh how I know, that I must be so careful to walk with Him no matter what I see sparkling off to the side. It's never worth it; it's always a trap, and besides, what else in the whole universe could ever be better than walking with my God, and pleasing Him Who loves me so much? What could be more joyful and fulfilling than giving Him my "fiat" at every moment, following My Shepherd wherever He leads, whether through green pastures or the dark valley, simply because He is with me there, and I trust that He only gives me what my soul needs? "My food is to do the Will of my Father"; and if that is all my life is about, I will be perfectly happy, both now and forever.]
[But let me re-emphasize the "caveat". A hidden life of faith is honorable and good. BUT we should NEVER AVOID PUBLIC WITNESS IF WE ARE CALLED TO DO SO. If God wishes to "reveal" our faith in Him to others, do NOT let false humility deny His Will! IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU ANYWAY; you are simply living in committed fidelity to God and not letting anything, neither fame nor shame, prevent you from fully exercising that trust in every circumstance. This is NOT about public opinion NOR human witness (Galatians 1:10  Colossians 3:23-24). This is about FIDELITY (2 Corinthians 4:5). Never boast (Ephesians 2:8-9), never flaunt your faith (never "show off" your wedding ring, but never hide it either), but always seek to honor and adore and serve and glorify God in self-forgetful love no matter where you are, or who you're with, or what you're doing. THAT is a "revelation" of your faith for GOD'S sake, Who GAVE it to you FOR His glory AND your salvation (Matthew 10:32-33, 1 Timothy 6:12)!!! Remember– part of walking with God is walking WITH OTHERS, and Jesus Christ Himself COMMANDED us to WITNESS and EVANGELIZE (Matthew 5:13-16, 28:19-20, Acts 26:16-18, 1 Peter 2:9, Psalm 145, 1 Thessalonians 1)!!! Our lived-out faithfulness to Him can actually help Him to SAVE SOULS. So DO NOT BE AFRAID to be seen as faithful, because your faithfulness exists within a RELATIONSHIP, and THAT is what you are TRULY "revealing," through LOVE and JOY and FIDELITY, in order to MOVE THE HEARTS OF OTHERS TO SEEK A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM TOO. THAT'S what God wants, and THATS what He is sending you out to do– to GATHER WITH HIM (1 John 1:3, Luke 10:2, Matthew 10:27, John 20:21, Romans 10:14-15, 1 Corinthians 9:16-23, 2 Corinthians 4:13-15, 5:1-21, 1 Peter 4:11, Acts 4:20, 20:24, 22:14-15, Colossians 4:3-6, 1 Thessalonians 2:1-13).]

Without FAITH, a walk like that of Enoch is IMPOSSIBLE. [No matter how honorable & successful & beloved a person may be among men, and even "deservedly" so, the shocking truth is that regardless of all earthly accolades,] a person who DOES NOT BELIEVE is ABSOLUTELY INCAPABLE of walking in a way that God LOOKS AT WITH JOY [because all that person's works are thereby done without grace, without charity, and without eternal merit???? They may indeed be objectively good works, but if they nevertheless were done without any thought to God, He cannot be truly pleased with them??? But I've always been very disturbed by "all or nothing" claims on God's perspective in this regard. God is NOT UNJUST and God IS MERCIFUL. If an atheist commits his life to humanitarian efforts, simply because he believes that people should help each other, because he believes that "this life is all we have so why not make it as good as possible for others" in a genuinely compassionate sense, then SURELY God IS pleased with this even if only because of that natural compassion. That man is STILL acting in a way that GOD WANTS people to act. True, God would be far more "joyful" over it if that man was also acting with a keen regard to the eternal welfare of the needy, and was acting not merely out of self-will (however well-directed in this case) but out of conscious obedience to the Law of God (Matthew 22:36-40), and with a genuine desire to do God's will and glorify His Name (Exodus 34:6) by his efforts? But this does NOT mean that God "isn't pleased" with the genuinely good deeds that humans do in accordance with their natural God-given conscience (ROMANS 2:11-16)!! The only point here, that we must note, is that although God still "approves" of those works in a real sense, God only REJOICES with those who are His FRIENDS. And you cannot be a real friend of God if you don't even believe that He is real.]

Crushingly tired this morning
Took 20 minutes to get off the couch

BROCCOLI DISASTER.
Apparently aldi got a bad harvest again
SIX BAGS ALL YELLOW & BROWN. WTF

Weight spiked due to the binge. Scary.
Trying to cut calories for real today especially because it's Saint Michael's Lent
Update = FATHER E SAID "NO"
CUTTING CALORIES WOULD NOT BE AN ACT OF PURE-MOTIVE DEVOTION ON YOUR PART AND YOU KNOW IT
UPDATE TWO = TONY SAID READ THAT BOOK ON SCRUPULOSITY INSTEAD!!!!

CONFESSION
ADORATION ROSARY
BLOODWORK
FAX LETTER
SHAHROOZ BIRTHDAY SOON

CONVICTED YET CONSOLED AGAIN
https://youtu.be/pkpl7WToOdA?is=HVjMNu6esBalC1_F

SUPER LATE BK because we did SO MUCH READING
I think that, for a while now, I am going to take time every night SPECIFICALLY to type about what we read in TWOIP.
It's too important to neglect. It demands serious reflection in order to be fully and properly integrated. So I MUST put in the time and effort diligently and dutifully to do so.


Evening =
Hemp cleanout panic purge

Night =
Ate too late too fast
BINGEPURGE
EVERY TIME WE OVERSOCIALIZE THIS HAPPENS???????


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I'm ACTUALLY going to CHERRYPICK from one last Protestant commentary that we haven't done before because even a brief glance at it shows that it is DANGEROUS.
So I will only list here what strikes me as truly edifying and in harmony with Catholic truth, and leave the rest as is.

https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/kng/hebrews-11.html
⚠️MAJOR MARNING = DISPENSATIONALISM ⚠️
(i.e. five solas, no unified historical church, premillennialism, Christian zionism, literal interpretation of Scripture, rapture, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)
[SO YEAH YOU CAN SEE WHY I AM SERIOUSLY AVOIDING GETTING TANGLED UP IN THAT SCARY MESS]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🔥🔥🔥🔥[The legacies] of persons who have LIVED BY FAITH... have PROVEN the POWER and the WORKING of faith... All these examples are quoted... in order to SHOW the Hebrews, and also you, what a person who LIVES BY FAITH is CAPABLE of.
[This is so galvanizing. If God never changes, then in a sense, our faith in Him never changes in a substantial sense-- and therefore, yes, ALL these "powerful works" of faith that these heroes of old accomplished ARE POSSIBLE FOR US, too, AS GOD WILLS, and of course as applicable and relevant to our own lives and circumstances, FOR GOD'S GLORY. We may not need to literally "close the mouths of lions" or "quench the power of fire" in order to bring honor to God's Name in our own lives BUT we WILL need to do BOTH those things and all the rest in spiritual warfare, even DAILY. But we ARE capable of ALL of it, we ARE capable of being heroes and warriors for God, BY FAITH-- as long as we are LIVING BY IT!!! Our faith will be a weak and feeble thing if we only "exercise it" once in a while! Our faith MUST be the BASIS of EVERYTHING WE DO. We must LIVE BY FAITH LIKE WE LIVE BY BREATHING. And ONLY THEN will our hearts and minds and wills be open and docile and disciplined and ready enough TO respond to great trials with great faith, because grace builds on nature and our sanctification requires our cooperation. THAT'S our JOY and PRIVILEGE. God wants to work WITH us, to glory IN us, not as machines but as FRIENDS, as SHARERS in His beauty and love (CCC 293-294). But we can ONLY enter into this through FAITH in Him, by TRUSTING and LOVING and OBEYING Him, by sharing OUR lives with Him, for He is our Purpose and Goal and Fulfillment and Home and Father and Life. Faith is the doorway to being truly and really human, because humanity was created TO share in God's blessed Life (CCC 001) and that is the MOST wonderful thing we are capable of being, and in fact MEANT to be. Everything else we accomplish as a result is only the visible overflow of that greater truth, the manifestations of God's victory in us over all that seeks to harm us and lie to us about who we are. Faith is our weapon and our crown, our strength and our light, because our faith is in God, and when we trust Him to, He can do everything He wishes through us.]

⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ [Their] faith is NOT DIFFERENT from [yours, which is the very same faith] that BROUGHT YOU TO GOD,
[Which faith, in both this Hebrew audience and in ancient Israel– and, I always emphasize, in ALL humanity back to Adam and Eve themselves– was NOT INITIALLY a "personal faith" in Jesus AS a Person, but WAS ALWAYS nevertheless a faith in Jesus as a PROMISE, as the MESSIAH, as a man Who WOULD come one day, even if they would never see Him or meet Him on this earth.
So THIS is the HEART of faith FROM THE BEGINNING– because this kind of faith was NOT NECESSARY before the first sin; in Eden, our first parents WALKED WITH GOD and had NO "NEED" of a Savior, being unfallen. They "SAW" God in a sense; they KNEW He existed and they had NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER about that; they had NOTHING to "hope for" because they had ALL that was necessary for their happiness already??? OR AT LEAST, THEY DID, UNTIL GOD REVEALED THERE WAS MORE TO WAIT FOR??? When God gave that single command to "not eat of the tree of Knowledge," THAT was when "FAITH" as we know it FIRST "CAME TO BE"??? Because NOW our first parents had SOMETHING TO TRUST GOD FOR, IN THE FACE OF OPPOSITION, AND WITH SOMETHING TO HOPE FOR, THAT HAD BEEN REVEALED BUT WAS NOT YET REALIZED??? Because you must remember that EVIL ALREADY EXISTED when this command was given and THAT EVIL WAS ALREADY ACTIVELY TRYING TO DESTROY HUMANITY. So it would actually be NEEDFUL in some sense for Adam and Eve TO "know" what was evil IN THE SENSE OF HOLY DISCERNMENT, but NOT as "firsthand knowledge"– which is, tragically and ironically, what DISOBEDIENCE to God GAVE them!
But there is an argument that God WOULD have GIVEN our first parents that fruit of Knowledge in due time, according to HIS Wisdom and Timing, as they "matured" spiritually and became able to not only RECEIVE it but USE IT AS GOD INTENDED??? As "spiritual infants," on day one of life, they were INCAPABLE of doing so, and needed further growth in the grace of God, further knowledge of Him as their Father, further development of virtues, etc.?? And ONLY once they were PROPERLY PREPARED in maturity and holiness WOULD God give them the knowledge of something DANGEROUS, in order to FIGHT it???
That's all conjecture of course– I don't think there's ANY official statements regarding it in any sense?
Even the Catechism only speaks of the risk of disobedience=
(CCC 396) "God created man in his image and established him in his friendship. A spiritual creature, man can live this friendship only in FREE SUBMISSION to God. The PROHIBITION against eating "of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" spells this out: "for in the day that you eat of it, you shall die." The "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" SYMBOLICALLY EVOKES the INSURMOUNTABLE LIMITS that man, being a creature, must FREELY RECOGNIZE and RESPECT WITH TRUST. Man is DEPENDENT on his Creator, and SUBJECT to the LAWS OF CREATION and to the MORAL NORMS that GOVERN THE USE OF FREEDOM."
So again, we see that man has NO RIGHT to seek God's knowledge, nor ANY sort of "equality with God"– even Christ Himself didn't do that (Philippians 2:3-8)!!! Rather, we MUST be HUMBLE and OBEDIENT to Him, and RECEIVE what HE GIVES us, and REFUSE to take what HE DOESN'T.
OH WAIT I THINK THE CATECHISM ACTUALLY DOES HINT AT THE "HOPE" IDEA HERE???
(CCC 398) "In that [first human] sin [of DISTRUST in GOD’S Word (which is TRUE AND GOOD), and therefore in TRUSTING the LYING words of SATAN instead– which were most ingeniously disingenuous in NOT giving an "opposing command," but in QUESTIONING whether or not their MEMORY or UNDERSTANDING of it could be TRUSTED (Genesis 3:1)– immediately planting the seed of doubt in the most "innocuous way"– and then in manipulating the heart of man through MISREPRESENTING GOD’S CHARACTER (Genesis 3:4-5) so that man (so young and naive and helpless!), being deceived into LOSING HIS FAITH– by losing his TRUST in God AS TRUSTWORTHY– would generate for HIMSELF that contradictory compulsion, that desire to "take" what had been forbidden under this new germ of PRIDE that he was doing better than God, therefore making the deadly sin his OWN "will," and NOT something he could "blame on the devil"– although the accompanying words the Evil One had spoken were STILL in SUBTLE YET TOTAL CONTRAST to what God had SAID man should do], man PREFERRED HIMSELF to God and by that very act SCORNED [GOD. This preference was shown when man, in DECIDING to trust a voice OTHER than God's, and thus ABOVE God's,] CHOSE HIMSELF OVER AND AGAINST God, [and therefore inevitably] against the REQUIREMENTS of his CREATURELY STATUS [by trying to make himself "equal to God"] and therefore AGAINST HIS OWN GOOD. CONSTITUTED IN A STATE OF HOLINESS, MAN WAS DESTINED TO BE FULLY "DIVINIZED" BY GOD IN GLORY. [BUT] seduced by the devil, he wanted to "be LIKE God", but "WITHOUT God, BEFORE God, and NOT IN ACCORDANCE WITH God"."
SO THAT'S THE HOPE — THE "FULL DIVINIZATION" OF MAN'S DIVINE IMAGE AND LIKENESS, REDEEMED BY AND RESTORED IN CHRIST, AND BY HIS HOLY SPIRIT, ULTIMATELY SUFFUSED WITH DIVINE LIFE AND KNOWLEDGE– WHICH IS ACTUALLY THE KNOWLEDGE OF JESUS CHRIST?????
(John 17:3,17,25-26 = "And ETERNAL LIFE is this: to KNOW YOU, the ONLY TRUE GOD, and JESUS CHRIST whom you have sent... Consecrate them in the truth; YOUR WORD IS TRUTH... Father, Upright One, the world has NOT KNOWN you, but I HAVE KNOWN YOU, and these have KNOWN that YOU HAVE SENT ME. I have MADE YOUR NAME KNOWN to them and will CONTINUE to make it known, SO THAT THE LOVE WITH WHICH YOU LOVED ME MAY BE IN THEM, and SO THAT I MAY BE IN THEM."
John 14:6-7, 9, 16-17, 20-21 = "Jesus said: I am the Way; I am Truth and Life. No one can come to the Father except through me. If you KNOW ME, you will KNOW MY FATHER TOO. From this moment YOU KNOW HIM and HAVE SEEN HIM... Anyone who has seen ME has seen the FATHER... I shall ask the Father, and he will give you another Paraclete to be with you forever, the Spirit of TRUTH whom the world can never accept since it NEITHER SEES NOR KNOWS him; but YOU KNOW HIM, because he is with you, he is in you... On that day you will KNOW that I am in my Father and YOU IN ME AND I IN YOU. Whoever holds to my commandments and keeps them is the one who LOVES me; and whoever LOVES me will be loved by my Father, and I shall love him and REVEAL MYSELF TO HIM."
2 Peter 1:3-5,8 = "By his divine power, God has lavished on us all the things we need for LIFE and for true devotion, through the KNOWLEDGE of Him Who has called us by His Own glory and goodness. Through these, the greatest and priceless promises have been lavished on us, that through them you should SHARE THE DIVINE NATURE and escape the corruption rife in the world through disordered passion. With this in view, do your utmost to support your FAITH with goodness... The possession and growth of these qualities will prevent your KNOWLEDGE of OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST from being ineffectual or unproductive."
Colossians 3:10-11 = "...you have put on a new self which will progress towards TRUE KNOWLEDGE the more it is renewed in the IMAGE of its CREATOR; and in that image there is no room for distinction... There is only CHRIST: he is everything and he is in everything."
Titus 1:1-3 = "From Paul, servant of God, an apostle of JESUS CHRIST to bring those whom God has chosen to FAITH and to the KNOWLEDGE of the TRUTH that leads to true religion, and to give them the HOPE of the ETERNAL LIFE that was PROMISED so long ago by God. HE DOES NOT LIE and so, in due time, he made known his message by a proclamation which was entrusted to me by the command of God our Saviour."
Ephesians 1:17-20 = "May the God of our Lord JESUS Christ, the Father of glory, give you a spirit of wisdom and perception of what is REVEALED, to bring you to FULL KNOWLEDGE of him. May he enlighten the eyes of your mind so that you can see what HOPE his call holds for you... IN CHRIST...")
2 Corinthians 4:6 = "It is God who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' that has shone into our hearts to enlighten them with the KNOWLEDGE of God's glory, the glory on the face of CHRIST.")
There is SO MUCH DEPTH to this but I cannot go into it now; I am just learning all this for the first time too.
FOR THE RECORD, HERE'S A BIT ON TRUE "KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL".=
(CCC 387) "ONLY THE LIGHT OF DIVINE REVELATION CLARIFIES THE REALITY OF SIN and particularly of THE SIN COMMITTED AT MANKIND'S ORIGINS. WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE REVELATION GIVES OF GOD, WE CANNOT RECOGNIZE SIN CLEARLY, and are tempted to explain it as merely a developmental flaw, a psychological weakness, a mistake, or the necessary consequence of an inadequate social structure, etc. ONLY IN THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD’S PLAN FOR MAN can we grasp that SIN IS AN ABUSE OF THE FREEDOM THAT GOD GIVES TO CREATED PERSONS [WHICH IS GIVEN SOLELY AND SPECIFICALLY] SO THAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF LOVING HIM AND LOVING ONE ANOTHER."
I WOULD ARGUE THAT THIS IS THE "KNOWLEDGE" THAT THE FRUIT WAS MEANT TO GIVE— THE GOOD KNOWLEDGE OF GOD HIMSELF, AND OF HIS PLAN FOR MANKIND, AND ONLY IN THE LIGHT OF THAT KNOWLEDGE IS "EVIL" REVEALED BY CONTRAST: EVIL IS ANYTHING THAT IS NOT IN HARMONY WITH THE CHARACTER OF GOD, AND THEREFORE WHICH IS ALSO IN OPPOSITION TO GOD'S PLAN (OF SALVATION; which is LITERALLY JESUS CHRIST).
ESSENTIALLY, ALL EVIL, ALL SIN, IS THE FAILURE TO KNOW AND LOVE GOD.
GOD IS LOVE, AND IF WE DON'T KNOW GOD PROPERLY, WE CANNOT LOVE HIM PROPERLY. BUT WE CANNOT KNOW GOD ON OUR OWN. WE CAN ONLY KNOW GOD AS HE REVEALS HIMSELF TO US.
But I have completely lost the original topic. That point is this = WE CANNOT TRUST WHAT WE DO NOT KNOW. WE CANNOT HAVE FAITH IN GOD IF WE DO NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. AND WE CANNOT KNOW GOD IN ANY REAL WAY IF WE DO NOT LOVE HIM. AND GOD MEETS ALL OF THESE NEEDS BY REVEALING HIMSELF TO US, IN FULLNESS OF TRUTH, AND IN ENDLESS LOVE, THROUGH JESUS CHRIST.
It was the PROTOEVANGELIUM that truly "brought to God" our first parents, in this respect? Ironically, it was only AFTER they FAILED to have faith in God that they REALIZED what it TRULY meant TO have faith? Because now, having LOST their hopes of BOTH Divine Knowledge AND Divine Life, because they had lost FAITH in the ONLY ONE Who COULD give them, as falsely seeing Him as NOT being WILLING to do so (a total lie of course), they REALIZED by the consequences OF their distrustful disobedience that GOD HAD BEEN TRUSTWORTHY THE WHOLE TIME, and that THE SERPENT HAD LIED THE WHOLE TIME, and therefore GOD WAS ABSOLUTELY WORTHY OF THEIR TRUST, and in their suffering they now KNEW in a very visceral way that they NEEDED TO TRUST HIM or things would only get WORSE. So, when God suddenly gave them a NEW HOPE, a hope of a SAVIOR, of One Who would effectively UNDO their sin and RESTORE them to the Life they had lost (and also, I wonder if they surmised, Who would finally give them the TRUE Knowledge of God), they NOW KNEW that GOD WAS TRUSTWORTHY in this Promise and so THEY HAD ABSOLUTE FAITH IN HIS WORDS, and clung to them as their ONLY HOPE. So THAT was when their faith FINALLY "brought them to God," because it was ONLY THEN, by SHEER GRACE, that they IRONICALLY HAD enough "knowledge" of God (by this new and direct revelation of His JUSTICE against sin, AND His MERCY for sinners– which the fruit did NOT give them, so they could claim NO benefits from their own misdeed) TO HAVE REAL FAITH IN HIM, in the sense of not just knowing THAT He existed, but of now knowing HOW he existed, and that HE COULD BE TRUSTED TO REWARD ALL MEN ACCORDING TO THEIR DEEDS. In the terrible wake of the Fall, and in the wonderful Words of the Promised Messiah, Adam and Eve finally got a glimpse of Who God Was in a fuller sense– a Just God, a True God, a Powerful God, a Fearful God, and yet a God Who Loved them still and would NOT abandon them either to despair or to their own sins. When their disobedience caused their world to collapse around them and they had nowhere else to turn and no one else to turn to, it was God Alone Who remained faithful, both in Himself and towards them, and in that moment, faith brought them to God as their only Savior.
I think that's what I've been trying to say.
But my mind is reeling. I have to move on.
The last concluding point here = for Adam and Eve, for Israel, and for the Hebrew converts, the FAITH that ALWAYS "brought them to God" in TRUTH was their faith in the PROMISED MESSIAH.
Someone CAN come to faith in the existence of God through reason alone (Romans 1:19-20), but this does NOT result in faith in God as a PERSON (Romans 1:21-25). Thus the ONLY faith that brings us TO God is faith in Him AS HE HAS REVEALED HIMSELF, which He does through His WORD, which we must TRUST in, and the FIRST time that humanity did that in real earnest was with the PROTOEVANGELIUM, which was the Promise of SALVATION FROM SIN, through a SAVIOR. And THAT is the undercurrent of EVERYTHING GOD SAYS FROM THEN ON OUT, until that Promise is FULFILLED, and GOD'S WORD ACTUALLY BECOMES INCARNATE. And THAT'S why trusting in God's WORDS effectively IS trusting in CHRIST, because THEY ALL LEAD US TO HIM.
So THAT'S the "same faith" that ALL of God's people share, from the beginning of time. It is a universal faith because it is a single hope, a single trust in One God and One Word = MERCY.]

[This is] the faith WITH WHICH you PUT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN GOD [AS TRUSTWORTHY, AND YOU DID SO PARTICULARLY] FOR THE FORGIVENESS OF YOUR SINS [by acknowledging that you HAVE SINNED, that you DESPERATELY NEED forgiveness, and that THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS ANYWHERE ELSE!] That was the BEGINNING of your [TRUE] FAITH [BECAUSE OUR COMING TO TRUST IN GOD, AS SINNERS, IS ALWAYS INITIALLY GROUNDED ON MESSIANIC HOPE– THE HOPE THAT SHATTERS ALL TRUST IN SELF AND THUS FINALLY LEADS US BACK TO THE TREE OF LIFE OF THE CROSS, WHERE WE FINALLY RECEIVE THE GODLY "KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL" IN THE FRUIT OF HIS PASSION???]

But FAITH ALWAYS REMAINS ACTIVE.
Faith in God is [and MUST be DAILY EXERCISED by =]
TRUSTING Him [in not only His WORDS but in His CHARACTER, and in His PRESENCE and PROVIDENCE as BOTH being CONSTANT and ABSOLUTELY RELIABLE];
REGARDING Him AS faithful [to DO what He says EXACTLY, with NO "fine print" or "catches," AND to BE exactly Who He has ALWAYS proven to be in history, with NO fickleness or exceptions (James 1:17)];
having the ASSURANCE that He HELPS [at ALL TIMES; this is shocking to realize; God NEVER ceases to work for our good (Matthew 7:11, Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, 32:40, Psalm 23:6, 84:11); I daresay He even WANTS and LOVES to help us out, even WAITING for us to ASK Him to!];
and [being CONVINCED] that He DOES what He SAYS [and that He WILL NOT revoke it, NOR "change His Mind" later (Numbers 23:11, 1 Samuel 15:29, Joshua 21:45, Isaiah 5:11, Psalm 89:34); whatever God says STANDS FOREVER (Matthew 24:35, Psalm 33:11, 119:89, 160)].

🔔🔔🔔🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💜💜💜 And the DIFFICULTIES you are faced with are [NOT to be seen as OBSTACLES to your faith, for they are ALL FROM THE HAND OF GOD and thus have the gem of faith hidden at the very core of ALL of them; rather, the many trials and tribulations of life are GIVEN to us as] the [HEROIC] CHALLENGES for faith. Difficulties are FOOD for faith; difficulties are the VERY CAUSES for FAITH to PROVE ITSELF.
[THIS IS WHY WE "REJOICE" IN OUR SUFFERINGS AND TRIALS]
[Seriously TYPE ABOUT THIS SO MUCH MORE ASAP]

Faith is NOT to be "defined" [as something to be analyzed or achieved methodically; it is an "unseen" thing so it actually cannot be truly apprehended by mere reason?]. Faith is [to be RECEIVED as a GIFT and EXPERIENCED as] the EFFECTIVE POWER [of ACTIVE TRUST IN GOD, exercised] in view of the FUTURE [which GOD ALONE has declared to us by His Word] and in view of the PRESENT [in which our free choices for or against faith determine the way in which we will experience that future (Deuteronomy 10:15-20, Ecclesiasticus 15:11-20, Matthew 25)???]

🌟Faith fixes the eye forward, to what has been PROMISED [by GOD], and is ABSOLUTELY SURE that IT WILL BE ACHIEVED: [Faith looks forward IN] the ASSURANCE of things HOPED FOR”.
🌟Faith fixes the eye UPWARD, to GOD [the FATHER, Who MADE the Promises,] and CHRIST [JESUS, TO Whom ALL the Promises TEND, and IN Whom ALL the Promises are FULFILLED]: Faith [brings us into the TRINITY because it is ultimately the WORK of the HOLY SPIRIT in us??? And by His Presence, which is the SOURCE of grace, we receive the blessed] "CONVICTION of things NOT SEEN”.

From the beginning till the end [of not only each individual man's life, but also of humanity as a whole, from the dawn of time to the end of all ages], FAITH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MAN AND GOD, [because you CANNOT have a relationship WITHOUT TRUST!!!!]
Faith deals with [the HOW and the WHY, the REASON and PURPOSE and GOAL, of EVERY ASPECT of SALVATION HISTORY, particularly =]
CREATION,
SIN and OFFERING [SACRIFICE];
[HUMAN] LIFE and WALKING to the PLEASURE of God;
the TESTIMONY [of the Truth of God] TOWARDS the world;
the JUDGMENT OVER the world,
and finally the [HOPE and REALITY of the HEAVENLY] KINGDOM OF PEACE.
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️‼️🤍🤍🤍🤍 In ALL these aspects, [GOD] THE SON [AS JESUS CHRIST INCARNATE] IS CENTRAL.
1. Creation shows the Son as CREATOR. [He is The WORD of God that SPOKE EVERYTHING INTO EXISTENCE (Hebrews 1:2, John 1:1-3, 1 Corinthians 8:6, Colossians 1:15-16)]
2. The offering shows the Son as REDEEMER. [Because He PAID THE DEBT OF LOVING OBEDIENCE on our behalf, and "BOUGHT US BACK" from death with HIS OWN BLOOD??? And a key part of this redemption is FORGIVENESS OF SINS which leads to RIGHTEOUSNESS through GRACE??? (CCC 1701, 1708, Mark 10:45, 1 Peter 1:18-19, Colossians 1:13-14, Ephesians 1:7, Titus 2:11-14, Hebrews 9:12, Romans 3:21-26, 5:8-10) I'm still learning what this all means, but I know it's true, even if I don't understand it yet, because God SAYS it is true, and that's where MY faith needs to lock in-- I think only then will I be ABLE to understand it, if I stop trying to "analyze it first"]
3. A life and a walk to the pleasure of God is PERFECTLY SEEN IN THE SON. [Because Jesus does EVERYTHING IN HARMONY WITH GOD'S WILL (Matthew 3:17, John 4:34, 5:30, 6:38, 8:29, 12:49-50, 14:31, 15:19, Hebrews 10:20). His Life is the PERFECT example of self-denial and humble submission to God, which says a LOT about what that LOOKS like-- it is NOT "self-annihilatory," but is VIBRANT and BEAUTIFUL and POWERFUL. The same thing goes for MARY, although we don't get many examples of that in Scripture, but her entire life POINTS TO GOD and away from herself, and it is GLORIOUS for that very reason, because it is GOD'S glory that shines THROUGH her. And SHE IS OUR MODEL. We can never be as perfect as her, but we can always strive to walk with her in Jesus's footsteps, and grow ever more pleasing to God, as we draw ever closer to Him.]
4. In the world He PERFECTLY TESTIFIED WHO GOD IS. [Specifically AS A PERSON (Hebrews 1:3, Colossians 1:15, 2 Corinthians 4:4, John 1:14+18, 14:9)]
5. The Son will JUDGE the world. [NOT THE FATHER!!! (John 5:22-30, 12:48, Romans 2:16, Acts 10:42, 17:31, 2 Timothy 4:1, 2 Corinthians 5:2) This is HEAVY. It means that our eternal destiny ultimately hinges on our relationship with JESUS CHRIST, on whether or not we believed HIM, whether or not we listened to and honored and obeyed HIS WORDS, and whether or not we had faith in HIM as our SAVIOR and LORD and above all as the SON OF GOD.]
6. He will also ESTABLISH the kingdom of peace. (Luke 1:30-33, Revelation 11:15, Daniel 17:13-14, Philippians 2:10-11, Isaiah 9:7)

Furthermore,
Creation POINTS FORWARD to the RE-CREATION [of the entire universe, BECAUSE of the redemption of mankind???] of which the SON is the HEIR [as the "firstfruits" of RESURRECTED mankind???]. (Isaiah 65:17, 2 Peter 3:10-13, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Revelation 21:5, Hebrews 1:2)
⁉️⁉️⁉️ On the BASIS of the OFFERING [i.e. the CRUCIFIXION], ALL THINGS will once [and for all] be SUBMITTED TO THE SON. (1 Corinthians 15:20-28) [REFLECT ON THIS MORE??? Is this because BY His saving death on our behalf, Jesus DEFEATED SIN AND DEATH, and those were really the ONLY things NOT "in submission" to God???]
In the taking of Enoch ["exempt from death" on the basis of a life entirely pleasing to God], you see the picture of the [final deliverance?] of the CHURCH, the heavenly people of God. (1 Corinthians 15:50-54?) [Remember that THIS IS NOT A "RAPTURE"; THAT ENTIRE IDEA IS FALSE. We as individuals WILL still die bodily deaths until the return of Christ, BUT THE CHURCH HERSELF WILL NOT "DIE." She WILL suffer, she WILL follow Christ in His Passion, but SHE WILL NOT PERISH, because SHE IS HIS VERY BODY (Matthew 16:18, 1 Timothy 3:15, Colossians 1:18+24, Ephesians 1:22-23, 5:23)!!]
🌟🌟🌟⁉️⁉️⁉️ The church is RELATED TO the Son [as His BODY and BRIDE], and PARTAKES of EVERYTHING that is the PART of the SON, and of what HE will RECEIVE in the Kingdom of peace. [THIS IS STUNNING???? LOOK INTO THIS MORE]
⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ Noah is a type of the [faithful] people [living on earth in the body, yet living with their hearts and minds already] in God's Kingdom [through faith in Christ-- these are] the believers who will "inherit the world" through judgments [in the end times???]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤The COMMON THREAD through EVERYTHING [IN EXISTENCE] is FAITH. This theme CONNECTS EVERYTHING TOGETHER.

BLESSED ASSUMPTION SATURDAY 💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙

MORNING FOG

Drove past Jayce's house on the way to Chaos's lookout hill
"Letting go" of the former life to embrace the latter life all the more
Two old guys, neighbors obviously, talking across the road there, the one at "Jayce's" mailbox walking a fluffy black dog. I think that's the guy who lives there now. It was very sweet to my heart to see him at last. I wish him the best, and all the happiness we never had in our life there.

Made a bouquet of as many flowers as I could find
Lou house stop was the perfect completion– three HUGE blossoms

CHURCH = CHILD HUG AND HIGH-FIVE ;_______; OH MY GOSH WHAT A SWEETHEART

DAD VISIT!!!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡 I MISSED HIM SO MUCH
I dream about him a lot actually. Notably NEVER NIGHTMARES.

BRAVELY EATING DOUBLE BROCCOLI TODAY because this is a very important feast day, and for us personally too

ALSO BRAVELY GOING TO DO LAUNDRY TONIGHT because we only ever have time on Saturday and we got super sweaty from all the walking this past week
PLUS I NEED TO WASH OFF THE HOUSE FILTH

On that note.
YES I FOUND AND DESTROYED THE FOLDER!!!!!! THANK YOU GOD
And i was RIGHT— for some ABSOLUTELY INSANE REASON, mom was saving only a handful of the MOST VIOLENT & SCANDALOUS WRITING I'VE DONE????? WTF????????
BUT NOW IT'S GONE FOREVER SO IT CAN NEVER HURT ANYONE EVER AGAIN

ALSO!!!!
I GAVE MOM ALL HER PAINTS BACK.
THAT'S WHY GOD LET ME READ THAT WEBCOMIC AND GET SO UPSET!!!! HE WANTED TO REMIND ME THAT THE FUTURE THESE PAINTS REPRESENTED WAS NEVER WHAT I WANTED AND WAS NEVER MEANT FOR ME!!!!!
SO NOW I AM SO FREE, AT LAST, IT'S ALL GONE, I'M FINALLY UNSHACKLED FROM THAT EMPTY PAST AND FALSE FUTURE BOTH!!!

Scared that since I HAVE to do laundry today it's "servile work" on the Assumption???
Then realized NOT IF I ENJOY IT and USE IT AS A REASON TO REST AND PRAY WHILE I WAIT. "The Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath," and also of Holy Feast Days, and if doing laundry literally forces me to sit down and read Scripture for an extra hour today, and to say prayers while vacuuming and making my apartment clean and nice and therefore "closer to godliness" instead of living in filth and neglect, then I'd say that's notsomuch "servile work" as it is service to God. I hope. That will be my intention, anyway– to honor God and "be a good housewife" even, like Mary, in striving to keep my living space and conditions worthy of receiving Him.



Night =
BINGEPURGE.
I should've expected this.
We were rushed & triggered & overwhelmed & OVERSOCIALIZED today, and then we were STUPID enough to eat EXTRA CARBS and STRANGE FOOD on top of it all
Bizarrely it was over and done with quick? And wasn't manic? We KNEW we DIDN'T WANT IT but our body was blinded by compulsory hunger. Still we won out, thank you Mary my Mother.
She always saves my life.
I don't deserve it but she does.

INSANE ENOUGH TO DO LAUNDRY AT 830PM BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS FILTHY



------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finishing up the Greek commentary today.
Then we move on to the LAST commentary for chapter 11 after HOW MANY MONTHS??? Seriously though it has been a wonderful beautiful and deeply edifying journey.
But I am STILL SO EXCITED FOR CHAPTER 12 SOON YOU GUYS

https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/cgt/hebrews-11.html

The names of “the heroes of faith” mentioned [in the first section, which we have just concluded, consist almost exclusively of the Patriarchs and Elders– with the last of these notably being MOSES.
Aaron is not mentioned (despite his notable act in Numbers 17:11-13, but his exemption is probably due to Exodus 32 (Deuteronomy 9:20) and Numbers 12; and possibly due to Leviticus 10:1-4+12-19? ALSO it was BOTH Moses and Aaron that were guilty in Numbers 20:1-13, as verse 24 solemnly affirms! So poor Aaron actually seems to have more "strikes against" him in terms of faith than he has "good examples"? And yet HE WAS THE HIGH PRIEST, and HIS LINEAGE ENDURED for that purpose! Ecclesiasticus 45:6 calls Aaron a "holy man like Moses", and verses 7-17 sing of the magnificent, generous, even exclusive (v.16) blessings God lavished upon him AS High Priest (notably in MESSIANIC terms– all flowing from the most glorious blessing and most "lovely thing" (v.13) of the PRIESTHOOD ITSELF, and the "EVERLASTING COVENANT" of it, with its SACRIFICES "FOR ALL TIME", and the LAW AND COMMANDMENTS "committed to him" to teach and uphold, and the FIRSTFRUITS given to him from God's Own table, and GOD HIMSELF as his INHERITANCE)– but these verses say NOTHING of Aaron's "merits" as a person, in shocking contrast to this litany of largesse! And PERHAPS THAT'S THE POINT; Aaron was, in this regard, a "type" of ALL priests to come– their "glory and honor" is NEVER OF THEMSELVES, but ONLY FROM GOD, AND FOR GOD. No matter how many or how few a priest's "examples of faith" may be– and I daresay no matter how faithful or unfaithful that priest may be in his personal practice, as we tragically and scandalously see both in Scripture and the modern Church– God STILL blesses them with unfathomable honor BECAUSE GOD HAS CALLED THEM TO BE HIS PRIESTS, AND ALL THEIR PRIVILEGES ARE GIVEN IN THE SERVICE OF GOD AND IN THE NAME OF HIS SON JESUS CHRIST, THE "ANOINTED ONE" AND "ETERNAL HIGH PRIEST"!!!!! THIS IS WHY THE SACRAMENTS ARE STILL VALID IF CELEBRATED AS CHRIST COMMANDED, AND "IN PERSONA CHRISTI," EVEN IF THE PRIEST HIMSELF HAS BEEN LIVING SINFULLY (GOD FORBID). For a priest, HIS personal honor is ENTIRELY in WHO HE SERVES??? Ecclesiasticus 45 is really PRAISING GOD for HIS Goodness TO Aaron, FOR THE SAKE OF ISRAEL and FOR THE GLORY OF HIS NAME– and if Aaron is honored as a result, it is ONLY because of what GOD has done FOR Aaron, AS God's High Priest, and thus even those magnanimous blessings upon Aaron are ALL given SOLELY FOR THE SAKE OF WORSHIPPING GOD AND BLESSING HIS PEOPLE– AND ALL OF THIS PARTICULARLY THROUGH SACRIFICE. The whole arrangement is absolutely just a PREFIGUREMENT OF JESUS CHRIST and therefore REDOUNDS TO HIS GLORY ESPECIALLY– NOT ONLY AS THE DIVINE SON TO WHOM ALL THAT BEAUTY AND BLESSING TRULY BELONGS AND OF WHOM IT IS ALL BUT A REFLECTION, BUT ALSO AS THE ONLY (HUMAN!!) HIGH PRIEST IN ALL EXISTENCE WHO ACTUALLY MERITS AND DESERVES ALL THAT GOD-GIVEN GLORY!!! And yet, Jesus Christ Himself is exactly "where" Aaron DOES receive true honor– because Jesus IS a human being, even as He IS GOD, and it is in God's LOVE for sinful man– made Incarnate IN Jesus– that man is lifted up to a new dignity and greater honor than anything that was ever possible before, through Jesus's Own High Priestly Offering on our behalf. God became fully man and entered fully into all human life forever, so that every man could share in God's Own Life through faith... no matter how many times that man may have fallen into sin and failed to be a "good example" of his divine calling. Aaron was not perfect whatsoever, and apparently he was never even singled out as a "hero of faith" in Scripture– rather, he was more often mentioned for his faithlessness! AND YET, even those sad events are "swallowed up in victory" through the absolutely incomparable privilege and distinction and favor God poured out abundantly upon him, and ETERNALLY so through COVENANT, in anointing Aaron as God's FIRST HIGH PRIEST OF ISRAEL, the first priestly type of His Own Son, and whose name WOULD nevertheless be remembered WITH HONOR for all ages DESPITE his personal failures as a mere man, and ALL BECAUSE OF THE LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST WHOSE DIVINE OFFICE AND REDEMPTIVE WORK AARON WAS TO PARTICULARLY AND PRIMARILY FORESHADOW. This was a singular and sublime honor that no other man in all human history would or could ever have. And Aaron "did not deserve it". That was the POINT. Whenever Aaron's name is remembered, now, GOD is remembered THROUGH Aaron– and NOT the man Aaron himself. And so, this "holy man" with virtually no particular examples of faithfulness on record, was INDEED "HOLY", AND INDEED FAITHFUL, BECAUSE BY GOD'S GREAT CALLING UPON HIM, IN CONSECRATING HIM TO HIMSELF TO REFLECT HIS OWN SON, AARON WAS SECRETLY AND HIDDENLY TRANSFORMED INTO A MOST FAITHFUL MAN AMONG ALL ISRAEL, BECAUSE HE WAS FAITHFUL TO HIS PRIESTHOOD, DAY IN AND DAY OUT, FOR DECADES. This is NEVER LAUDED OUTRIGHT but it is ABSOLUTELY CLEAR "between the lines" of Scripture and HIS FAITHFULNESS, EVEN "UNSEEN", KEPT ALL OF ISRAEL FAITHFUL. Aaron gets ALL his honor THROUGH GOD, and ALL his honor goes TO GOD, but ALL that honor has the MOST gracious and merciful result FOR AARON, of working in him a HIDDEN AND HUMBLE FAITH. I'm going in circles here but that's the main point I want to hit home. Aaron isn't in the "hall of faith" as a "heroic example" of some great laudable act of faith, of some celebrated victory or grand achievement owing to his trust in God. But Aaron has shown a faithfulness that is altogether unique amongst the Elders, and one that must never be ignored or overlooked or understated, and which above all must never despised just because he stumbled as he did. For all his human weakness and unworthiness, God chose Aaron alone from all humanity to become His High Priest (Eccles. 45:16), and AARON WAS FAITHFUL TO HIS CALL. Even though he stumbled one last fatal time at Meribah, this did not rob him of the glorious memory God had so mercifully bestowed upon him, for the sake of His Covenant, for the sake of His Son. The "sons of Aaron" would be the harbingers and reflections of the Messiah right up until He arrived in Person, to perfect and fulfill the very same office that Aaron himself had first been given, and had thus taken the first step in preparing all the faithful of all the preceding ages to recognize and receive the True High Priest when he came. But this preparation was ONLY POSSIBLE through Aaron's CONSTANT FAITHFUL OBEDIENCE to God's directions and instructions to him concerning that office. And THIS HE DID, for decades, "behind the scenes" of Israel’s narrative history, and yet as the "heartbeat" of that early Church, keeping the LITERAL BLOOD FLOWING through the endless daily SACRIFICES, those symbols of Christ that kept the entire "body of Israel" alive by preserving the life of her very SOUL (Numbers 15:28, Leviticus 16:32-34, 17:11, Hebrews 9:7,22). If Aaron had not been so diligently faithful to this most sacred duty, then all of Israel would have died in their sins. He may have been "taken for granted" in his reliability, and his holy office in general may not have been recognized for its ineffable significance and life-giving purpose, but nevertheless, Aaron was faithful to it, and faithful to God, hour upon hour for years, and THIS is TRULY honorable– the righteous response of his humble human heart to the undeserved and unfathomable grace of God, given as a generous gift of glory for all time.
I'm burnt out from talking. But there was so much unexpected depth in this thought.
I guess the point I'm trying to make in the context of this verse argument is that: Aaron, in his most wonderful consecration as the first High Priest of Israel, and yet in apparently not having any exemplary honor of his own besides it, was put forth by God as a SPECIAL SIGN OF SOVEREIGN DIVINE MERCY, and as a SPECIALLY HIDDEN TYPE OF CHRIST, in that his true faithfulness to God was of his humble priestly service, yet in an office so glorious that he could never have deserved it. God was pleased to choose this man "of no particular greatness" and to effectively make him greater than all other men on earth in this one particular respect– he CHOSE Aaron to be the most powerful type of His Son, "emptying Himself to take the form of a servant," and "sacrificing Himself for the sins of the world," Who "died for us while we were still sinners." Aaron did not earn this call. Aaron did not act in his own power or merits. Aaron was as much a sinner as everyone else in Israel. Aaron was no great leader or hero or prophet. But Aaron alone could stand before the Ark of the Covenant, and Aaron alone could atone for the sins of Israel, and Aaron alone was the man from whom the holy priesthood would continue until Christ came. And Aaron was faithful to this great dignity, however quiet and mundane his obedience may have been. This is the real heroic example he gives us: God has called US, too, as the Church– the New Israel and Mystical Body of Jesus Christ, Who is the ONLY High Priest of His Church – to be His "priests" in the world, to offer sacrifice and worship and to give blessing in His Name. We laypersons do this most of all through participating at Mass, but we are also called to "offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God" (Romans 12:1), in union with our Savior, through His Holy Spirit, in every moment of our everyday lives. We too have been "unreservedly anointed" and have received unfathomable graces and gifts of beauty and honor through our union with Christ, and all our hearts can do in return is live faithful to that calling at every moment, day in and day out, no matter who sees or notices or cares. All that matters is our obedient faithfulness to the God Who has chosen us to serve Him. And if we are steadfast in this, despite our stumblings, despite our hiddenness and nothingness in the world, then we will be "heroes of faith" in God's eyes, to the praise of His Merciful Love that enabled us to be so at all.
Aaron was really only a "HERO" inasmuch as he was a PRIEST, and THE SAME HOLDS TRUE FOR US.)
Caleb is also not mentioned (despite Numbers 13:30, 14:6-9, 24, and Joshua 14:6-14!), and even JOSHUA is NOT mentioned– at least not by name, but only included (necessarily) among "the people" when Jericho fell, for indeed it fell at HIS divinely commanded rallying shout (Joshua 6:5,16). And yet, his faith in that situation is not singled out as an example, for he was not the only one who responded in faith– oddly, in contrast to Moses's faith being cited as a "leading example" at the Passover institution, despite all of Israel obviously obeying (although I suppose that deliverance could have been so merciful that even a family of very poor faith would STILL have been saved "as long as the directions were followed"?? And yet it was the SAME with Jericho– they just had to march and shout as commanded! So this is indeed a notable exception, PERHAPS solely "for the sake of time," OR to give more emphasis to Moses specifically (in light of Hebrews 3:1-6), OR to give less emphasis to Joshua as being a type of Christ (Hebrews 4:8), in order to focus on the antitype Himself more emphatically and exclusively???).
(For the record, Joshua and Caleb ARE mentioned with great honor in Ecclesiasticus 46:1-10, though, and then they are AGAIN mentioned in 1 Maccabees 2:55-56— which, notably, is part of another critically important "hall of faith", likewise spoken to powerfully encourage the hearts of the faithful remnant during severe persecution, but in THIS case, specifically to prepare them for heroic martyrdom (1 Maccabees 2:49-51)!!)
But another striking thing about this list in Hebrews is that the LAST "hero of faith" in this FIRST section of individual emphases, and the ONLY "HEROINE" in the ENTIRE LIST, is RAHAB!!!! She IS mentioned by name when those three holy men I just listed were NOT. Is this because her faith was so unusual and miraculous, that it would have been a greater help to the audience of this epistle, as showing that if even a GENTILE WOMAN was willing to not only leave behind her old life and religion in order to confess the God of Israel, but also to RISK her life for the sake of JOINING HIS PEOPLE– then these Jewish converts had "NO EXCUSE" to be turning back and giving up in similar circumstances, when THEY had the ACTUAL FULLNESS of revelation, and not mere fragmented hearsay! If Rahab could stand so heroically faithful on such little and lacking knowledge (and secondhand!) as grounds for belief, then these Hebrews COULD and MUST stand just as faithfully on their solid and sure foundation of their firsthand knowledge of God– yes, in the Old Covenant Scriptures for sure, but most of all in the GOSPEL to which ALL of Israel’s history had LED– and especially since although ALL of the Law HAD been spoken to them by GOD HIMSELF, He had NOT done so "IN PERSON"– UNTIL NOW, IN JESUS CHRIST, THE VERY GOSPEL HIMSELF, AND THE FULFILLMENT OF EVERY PROMISE MADE TO ISRAEL. If these converts CHOSE to ABANDON all this– to forsake Jesus the Messiah and return to Judaism, because it was "safer" or "more familiar" or "less controversial" or "less difficult", etc.– the shocking warning implied by Rahab’s inclusion here is that they would not only be walking BACK INTO Jericho as COWARDS, but they would be REMOVING THE SCARLET CORD OF FAITH FROM THEIR WINDOWS.]

In 32-34 we have instances of ACTIVE faith, and in 35-38 of PASSIVE faith.
[AND THUS BOTH ARE TREATED AS EQUALLY VALID AND HEROIC IN THIS LIST!!!!!]
[BTW here's the NJB translations because I don't think we've cited it before and I like it very much =]
(Hebrews 11:33-34 (ACTIVE) = These were men who, through faith, conquered kingdoms, did what was upright, and EARNED the promises. They could keep a lion's mouth shut, put out blazing fires, and emerge unscathed from battle. They were WEAK PEOPLE who were GIVEN STRENGTH to be brave in war and drive back foreign invaders.")
[So "ACTIVE" demonstrations of faith– thus implying 1. active OBEDIENCE to God's Laws/ Commands, 2. active TRUST in the fulfillment of His Promises, and 3. active DEPENDENCE on God's Power & Grace TO ENABLE us TO do the previous two things, and all of these being consistently practiced in one's daily manner of living, and ESPECIALLY when held to unflinchingly as a PUBLIC WITNESS to God's Laws and God's Name, when doing so is inconvenient or mocked or controversial or risky– are here all instances of VICTORY AGAINST UNBELIEF??? These are ALL "BATTLE LANGUAGE"!!! Conquering, subduing, triumphing, overcoming, etc.– THIS IS ALL LITERALLY "FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH" (1 Timothy 1:18, 6:11-12, 2 Timothy 4:1-8, Philippians 1:27-30, Jude 1:3), and thus it applies BOTH physically AND spiritually, with EQUAL DIRENESS & GRAVITY & DANGER & EFFORT– actually arguably even MORESO spiritually, because then our ETERNAL life is DIRECTLY at stake!!!]
(Hebrews 11:35-38 = Some returned to their WIVES from the dead by resurrection; and others submitted to torture, refusing release SO THAT they WOULD rise again to a better life. Some had to bear being pilloried and flogged, or even chained up in prison. They were stoned, or sawn in half, or killed by the sword; they were homeless, and wore only the skins of sheep and goats; they were in want and hardship, and maltreated. They were too good for the world and they wandered in deserts and mountains and in caves and ravines.")
[SO THE "PASSIVE" EXAMPLES OF FAITH ARE ALL OF SUFFERING FOR THE FAITH!!!!! THAT'S HUGELY IMPORTANT!!!
THESE EXAMPLES ARE ALSO "FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT," BUT WITH THE SECRET AND INDOMITABLE WEAPON OF THE CROSS ITSELF. Unlike in earthly warfare, "passive" actions of faith– through willing submission to suffering for the sake of Christ— are NOT useless or foolish or weak (1 Corinthians 1:18-25), but are actually the "TRUMP CARDS" of God's arsenal, because BY their very suffering, accepted and endured in faith– which is always rooted in LOVE– they are UNITED TO GOD'S OWN POWER (Romans 16:20, Ephesians 6:10-20), WHICH TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH ITSELF (Romans 6:1-14, 8:35-39, 1 Corinthians 15:20-26, 30-31, 50-58, 2 Corinthians 1:5-11, 4:8-18, Philippians 1:20-21, 3:7-11, 2 Timothy 1:7-12, Hebrews 2:7-10,14-15, 5:7-9, 1 John 3:14, Revelation 1:18, 12:11, 20:6, 21:4
By "passive faith," God's people conquer the entire world (John 16:33), because when THEY are "passive," when THEY seem the most weak, GOD IS ACTIVE and MOST POWERFUL IN THEM (1 Corinthians 1:26-30, 2 Corinthians 12:7-10).]

Cutting down to 1550K today.
Want to try 1300 tomorrow, maybe less.
I want to be poor & small so badly.


MISSED THE BUS BECAUSE THE TEXT SAID IT WAS DELAYED AND IT WASN'T
WALKED TO CHURCH INSTEAD!!! ❤❤❤❤
THANK YOU GOD NOW I KNOW I CAN DO IT

MIMIC COLOR ROSARY
Thanking God for his "second chance at life"
"God will use you to help Him save others, too, if you let Him"

Realized that I'm "pulling a KORBAN" with this E.D.U. & vocation obsession???
WHAT IF I REALLY AM ACTUALLY THE GERASENE?????
WHAT IF GOD ACTUALLY WANTS ME TO STAY HERE AND EVANGELIZE MY FAMILY INSTEAD OF A HOSPITAL WARD????
WHAT IF GOD ACTUALLY WANTS ME TO GO HOME AND CARE FOR MY AGING MOTHER INSTEAD OF JOINING A CONVENT????
THIS IS TERRIFYING BUT IF IT IS GOD'S WILL THEN THY WILL BE DONE


This also means I CANNOT BE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT SO I GET "SICKER & SMALLER & WEAKER & POORER"
IF GOD WANTS ME TO TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY THEN I NEED TO MAN UP AND GET STRONGER AND STOP BEING SUCH A SELFPITYING FOOL
or is this just arrogant pride talking?
SHOULD I be more like Saint Francis and Saint Clare, and be MORE ascetic for love of God?
BUT YOU'RE NOT CUTTING CALORIES "FOR LOVE OF GOD" YOU MORON
YOU WANT TO WASTE AWAY SO THAT YOU CAN DIE.
ADMIT IT.
THAT'S WHY YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL "FOR A LONG TIME."
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO KEEP LIVING.
THAT'S THE DEVIL TEMPTING YOU AND YOU NEED TO FIGHT HIM

PRAY TO SAINT ELIJAH AND SAINT PAUL
EAT THE BREAD GOD GIVES YOU OR YOU WON'T MAKE THE JOURNEY TO HIM (1 KINGS 19:4-8)
EAT THE BREAD GOD TELLS YOU TO OR YOU WON'T SURVIVE THE STORM ON THE WAY TO WITNESS TO HIM AND SERVE OTHERS (ACTS 27:23-36)

MAXIMUM PRECIOUS BLOOD. I honestly could not have swallowed any more. It did so much good for my heart. How do I explain it?
VERY WEIRD HOST. Smaller, yellowish, hard! Unusual taste too. Took this as SPECIAL because I made the huge effort to get there today and receive Him.
Did NOT soften. Good. That way He will stay with me longer

Adoration distraction due to the "manic success" curse kicking in again
"What MORE things can I push myself to do since I'm apparently invincible"???
I HATE this

Resulted in BIBLE STUDY SCRUPULOSITY PANIC when I got home.
Texting choir director for help =
"...quick question because I don't trust my own mind on this = the local church is having a Bible study session at 630pm today. But I don't know if I should go or not, Because it would involve walking that whole mile at night (mostly uphill). But I feel like God wants me to go and if I don't I'm going to be disobeying Him. I keep asking for "signs", but I don't know how to tell what I'm seeing or hearing is true, or just my own mind.
So I'm reaching out to you for help in discerning this wisely."
"My real problem though is that, although I think I feel like my body is too weak, and needs to rest, I strongly feel like acknowledging this and staying home is being an unfaithful slothful coward, when rather I "should be" willing to suffer the physical effort & sacrifice of time for God. This sounds like scrupulosity but I cannot tell what is truly right and just. Like if I DON'T go, that's effectively saying "I don't love God enough to suffer for Him"."

The biggest and most shameful question here =
Am I pushing myself to do this FOR PURE LOVE OF GOD, or because =
1. I want to burn more calories by walking
2. I want to prove I'm not a weakling and a coward
3. I want to "teach people" at the study
4. I want to be seen there as "proof of my devotion to God"
5. I want to be seen walking there as "proof of how much I'm willing to endure for God"
This is all pride.
You stupid fool. You SHOULD stay home JUST AS PUNISHMENT.

...his reply is notable. (emphasis mine)
"I encourage you to trust my judgment on this. It is nothing but scrupulosity. I would say there would be MORE culpability if you were to FORCE yourself to go WHEN YOU DO NOT HAVE TO and ENDANGER YOUR HEALTH.
We will never love God enough and we will never suffer enough for our sins, which is why He paid the infinite price. All He asks us to do is to accept the suffering that HE permits to come to us and in your case, that is the suffering of DENYING YOUR WILL and ACCEPTING THE FACT that YOU NEED TO REST AND NOT TAKE ON ALL OF THESE EXTRA THINGS."

...in light of all this, I've reluctantly pushed my calories back up to at least 1600.
It's shameful & humiliating. I feel so dirty & wrong & weak & gluttonous & godless.
But Father P said "I FORBID you to fast" under sacramental solemnity and my conscience keeps pricking me that even if I'm still eating two small meal, slashing calories with the intention to become thinner as a result STILL counts as "fasting" in my disordered circumstances.

God directly speaking to my immediate struggles through YouTube again
https://youtu.be/MB-AwmcRFOk?is=Rpx_SkluOikciAk_
https://youtu.be/HjJSPpt83sA?is=mAcGjcfagEhTZqO6
https://youtu.be/ZjfJ9Md2FdI?is=71Xfq55aiVSEPoRO
Gutpunches, utterly unexpected. Convicting in such sharpness.
How ironic, as it all speaks of God's Love. That's the core of my problem. I receive it all through this filter of self-condemnation and I miss the whole point all over again. I am such a fool.
That's proof, too.
Humility actually cannot coexist with hatred, you realize.


Evening =
Well, as it turns out, my BODY is saying "NO" to walking to the Bible study.
I forgot how WEAK and CONFUSED and SORE I get after I eat dinner. (How do I forget every day, that's insane, am I still dissociating that bad and never realized it???)

At least now I can get more religious archiving & typing done and GET TO BED EARLY FOR ONCE THANK GOD!!!!


------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/eng/cgt/hebrews-11.html

...“the visible world did not derive its existence from anything phenomenal.” ...This verse... strikes the KEYNOTE OF FAITH by shewing that its FIRST OBJECT MUST BE a DIVINE AND INFINITE CREATOR.
[I was actually thinking about this as I walked to church today, reflecting on how "survival brain" made me blind to eternity, and wondering "how does the natural world witness to unseen realities anyway?" But as I looked at the trees and flowers in their elegant shapes and colors, and at the cloudy sky with its beautiful forms, and even at the little birds and their delicate and perfectly designed little bodies... I realized, this doesn't happen at random. There MUST be a Source of the pattern. How else would a tree "know" to grow with such finesse, to exhibit such glory? How else would the clouds "know" to take on such objectively lovely shapes, to reflect such wonderful hues? Where does the "blueprint" for a bird come from– its wings, its bones, its song? And HOW does ALL this appear AS PATTERNS– trees and rivers and blood vessels and lungs and lightning? (And of course the affectionately infamous "crab" argument of "convergent evolution"!)
There MUST be an OBJECTIVE TRUTH beneath ALL of it, a DEEPER REALITY from which this one blooms.
The only logical explanation whatsoever is that there MUST be an Intelligent Designer– a Divine Artist and Architect and Engineer– not only full of Wisdom and Knowledge, but BEING those very things as their DEFINITION. God IS Beauty itself. God IS Goodness itself, the way all created things have their purpose and it all works together in miraculous harmony. The oceans feed the skies and the clouds feed the trees and the plants feed the birds and the birds feed the animals... even the stars feed the earth, and the earth feeds the people, and it all comes from God, the true Bread of Life, the Eternal Unseen Life that ALL temporal visible life NECESSARILY witnesses to. IT COULDN'T EXIST OTHERWISE (CCC 338).
...This all hits the absolute hardest when you realize that God created it all specifically for love of us (CCC 293-294, 315, 319). God made the entire cosmos for the sake of humanity (CCC 280, 288, 299, 356, 358), specifically AS HIS CHURCH (CCC 759-760). This is mindboggling but it is TRUE, and the PROOF of it is in the very MEANS– God CREATED it all, and SUSTAINS it all, THROUGH JESUS CHRIST (CCC 291, 301, 320; John 1:1-4, Hebrews 1:2-3, 1 Corinthians 8:6, Colossians 1:15-17), the Only Son He specifically sent to become a man and die to save us from sin so that we could live with Him forever, AS the Church (CCC 763), IN that eternal unseen invisible reality where ALL earthly truth and beauty has its origin and end (CCC 302), and the destiny of mankind is fulfilled (CCC 772-773, 778). And ALL of this MUST ALSO be part of our faith in God and in Jesus.
May we remember these truths whenever we look at Creation, and recognize not only the beautiful glory and wise goodness of our Creator within it, but also the infinite love He has for us little humans specifically, and the astonishing destiny He has created us for, not only because He has given us this cosmos as a gift and inheritance, but because He has done so through uniting Himself with us in Jesus Christ, making us into His Body the Church, and thus making us more glorious and beautiful than anything we can see around us, for we, by faith, have eternal life, through God's eternal Love.
It's ineffable. I cannot properly put it into words. It can only be truly known by the heart.]
(Also consider Isaiah 40:12-14 + 1 Corinthians 2:9-16 + Ephesians 3:16-19 together on this topic)

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟...We may naturally infer that Abel’s was a more CAREFULLY-CHOSEN and VALUABLE offering, [specifically and honestly choosing the BEST he could possibly give in quality (not "cutting any corners," adhering to the highest standards without exceptions), AND in worth, of BOTH "market value" AND "personal value" surely. Abel "gave what hurt to lose"– because fallen human ego wants to keep the best for itself, because it fears that anything less "won't be good enough" to "provide for my needs"? It wants to "hoard" for security, it fears that "letting go" of even a little will result in destitution, it refuses to share because "there isn't enough for the two of us," etc. It's ultimately all survival based, and it's all the result of faithless distrust in God’s Providential Love– and the very "pain" that this self-denying offering caused was already a "proof" of its "righteousness" (1 Chronicles 21:23-24), because that is the nature of the Cross (Genesis 22:2).
🌟🌟🌟🌟❤❤❤❤‼️‼️‼️‼️ ...but especially that it was offered in a more SINCERE and HUMBLE SPIRIT of FAITH and LOVE.
[AND THAT IS THE ONLY REASON WHY HE WAS ABLE TO CHOOSE AND GIVE WHAT WAS MOST VALUABLE TO HIM– BECAUSE, BY ITS VERY NATURE, LOVE NEEDS TO DO THAT FOR THE BELOVED.
So, if you DON'T love God, then you WON'T give Him your best, simply because you don't consider Him WORTHY of it... because TO NOT LOVE GOD IS TO LOVE SELF INSTEAD. AND THAT IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF PRIDE–THE ROOT OF ALL VICES, AND THE SIN THAT CREATED HELL.
But LOVE naturally results in HUMILITY– a loving, gentle, UNPRETENTIOUS willingness and desire to SERVE the other, to be small so that others can be great, to have less so that others can be given more, to honor and respect and cherish the other more than oneself, yet without hating oneself, because you aren't even thinking of yourself, because the "other" is ALWAYS the "BELOVED." Humility is simple and unassuming and lowly and ordinary, happily dwelling "close to the ground" ("humus") so that others can fly up to the sky, and humility REJOICES in this, because its JOY is in the joy of the OTHER, because it LOVES them. And THIS IS HOW WE MUST BE DISPOSED TOWARDS GOD, NOT ONLY BECAUSE HE IS THE HIGHEST & GREATEST & MOST DESERVING OF ALL HONOR & GLORY (AND WE ABSOLUTELY ARE NOT; WE TRULY ARE MERE "DUST" COMPARED TO HIM), BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY ACTS THIS WAY TOWARDS US, IN BECOMING HUMAN IN JESUS CHRIST, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW MUCH HE LOVES US, AND HOW MUCH HE IS WILLING AND DESIROUS TO SACRIFICE FOR OUR SAKE, SO THAT WE CAN BE "LIFTED UP" TO SHARE HIS GLORY— BUT ONLY IF WE RESPOND TO THIS IN HUMILITY, BECAUSE THAT IS HIS GLORY, BECAUSE THAT IS HIS LOVE!!!!!! AND WE CAN ONLY GET TO THAT POINT BY HAVING FAITH NOT ONLY THAT GOD IS REAL, AND THAT JESUS IS GOD, BUT ALSO (AND NECESSARILY) BY HAVING TRUST THAT GOD LOVES US, AND THAT LOVE IS DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTELY IN JESUS CHRIST. ONLY HUMILITY CAN ADMIT THIS, BECAUSE ONLY HUMILITY CAN SEE AND ACCEPT AND ADORE THE SHOCKINGLY HUMBLE LOVE OF GOD. ONLY HUMILITY CAN LET ITSELF BE LOVED LIKE THAT, AND THEREFORE BE GRACIOUSLY ENABLED TO RESPOND IN KIND (1 John 4:19)... by SACRIFICING OURSELF FOR HIM, TOO (Matthew 16:25, 2 Corinthians 5:15, 2 Corinthians 4:10-11, Romans 14:6-8, Galatians 2:20).
So of course ALL of this is ABSOLUTELY FATAL TO PRIDE.
TRUE HUMILITY, BEING BORN OF LOVE, CRUSHES DOWN ALL THE SELF-SERVING, BLASPHEMOUS ATTEMPTS OF PRIDE to make ITSELF greater and better and richer and more important than others, INCLUDING GOD– FOR ONLY PRIDE WOULD DARE to give God ANYTHING "less than perfect," or "of lesser value," or something "haphazardly chosen," or "any old thing," something "not that important to me," or "that I won't mind losing," or "that I can spare"!!!!!
And pride ONLY acts like that because PRIDE HAS NO FAITH. True, a proud soul MAY still believe that God exists, but A PROUD SOUL WILL NEVER TRUST GOD... and therefore, IT WILL NEVER LOVE GOD, EITHER.
Pride is also INEVITABLY a LIAR, the satanic duo. Pride CANNOT be sincere because honesty is OPENNESS, and that means VULNERABILITY, and that means TRUST, and Pride WILL NOT trust ANYONE but itself... because it DOESN'T LOVE THEM.
You see it always loops back around to the very essence of God.
This means that we can ONLY offer PROPER SACRIFICE when we offer it in the same manner as JESUS CHRIST– totally self-giving and freely willing, of highest objective worth and personal value, openly honest and deeply sincere, worshipfully humble and self-denying, moved and motivated entirely and purely by TRUST and FAITH and LOVE FOR GOD. Of course we cannot do this exactly, but by grace and the Holy Spirit we CAN always do so more and more each time we JOIN Christ on the Cross, with the fervent desire and prayer TO do so. THAT is what ALONE makes ANY of our sacrifices "acceptable to God"– and surely so too with Abel, even as the very first recorded type, the very first witness of hope, even then sharing in the promised substance by the merciful grace of faith– they MUST be offered THROUGH JESUS CHRIST, THROUGH FAITH.
This is ALSO why the HOLY SACRIFICE OF THE MASS is absolutely ESSENTIAL to the Christian life and soul, because THE EUCHARIST is the ONLY TIME that we– specifically as the baptized & faithful Church– can ACTUALLY & LITERALLY UNITE "OUR BODIES AS A LIVING SACRIFICE" (Romans 12:1, CCC 2031) TO OUR "HEAD" (Ephesians 5:23) IN HIS ETERNAL OFFERING (CCC 1366-1368). WE ARE ACCEPTED THROUGH HIM (CCC 2100).]

⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️...the allusion seems to be to “the voice of his BLOOD ”... No doubt it is also meant that he speaks by his EXAMPLE, but... Philo says “Abel, which is most strange, has both been slain and lives” (Opp. i. 200). He deduces from Genesis 4:10 that Abel is still unforgotten [by men AND by God – IN TOTAL CONTRAST to what appears to be a prevailing belief that the wicked were FORGOTTEN (Exodus 32:33, Deuteronomy 29:20, Proverbs 10:7, Psalm 9:5, 34:16, 69:28,109:15), and perhaps even the dead IN GENERAL (Isaiah 26:14, Ecclesiastes 2:16, 9:5, Psalm 88:5)?????], and HENCE that the righteous are IMMORTAL. [Isaiah 41:14-15??????]
[LOOK FURTHER INTO THIS BELIEF LATER SO I UNDERSTAND IT PROPERLY]

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔 and that he IS a rewarder = Rather, “and that He BECOMES (i.e. SHEWS or PROVES Himself TO be) a rewarder.”
[This still stuns me. When we DO have faith in God, this verse is saying that God DOESN'T just "sit there silently" in response– no, He actually "BECOMES" a "rewarder" OF our faith by His OWN choice, and that "reward" is to "PROVE" to us the OBJECT of our faith???? He SHOWS Himself TO our eyes OF Faith????]

⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ [Noah was] MOVED with fear = INFLUENCED [to act, specifically upon God's Word] by REVERENCE [spiritual, moral; "holy fear" of disobedience] AND GODLY CAUTION [temporal??? Yet still "godly" because still obedient TO God and oriented TOWARDS Him????]

‼️‼️‼️‼️ condemned the world = His EXAMPLE [OF LIVED-OUT FAITH] was in CONDEMNING CONTRAST with the [EQUALLY LIVED-OUT] UNBELIEF of the world (Matthew 12:41, Luke 11:31).
[WHETHER WE DO OR DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD (BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY TRUE OBJECT OF ALL BELIEF), THIS WILL BE VISIBLY DEMONSTRATED AND PRACTICED BY OUR CHOICES & ACTIONS, WHETHER WE CONSCIOUSLY REALIZE IT OR NOT???]

The patriarchs are constantly called paroikoi , “dwellers beside,” “sojourners”.
["Wheat and tares" subtle reference, if not so extreme a dichotomy? Still "heaven vs. the world" though; "people of God vs. people without God"??? The Patriarchs and their families WERE the "early church" in a real sense; there has ALWAYS been a mix of the faithful and the faithless, all the way back to Cain and Abel.]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️‼️❤❤❤ builder and maker = Rather, “ARCHITECT and builder"... God is called the “Architect” of the Universe in Wisdom 13:1...
[LET ME QUOTE ALL OF THIS BECAUSE IT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE WERE DISCUSSING EARLIER!!!! =]
Wisdom of Solomon 13:1-9
"Yes, naturally stupid are all who are unaware of God, and who, from GOOD THINGS SEEN, have not been able to discover HIM-WHO-IS, or, by studying the WORKS, have not recognised the ARTIFICER.
Fire, however, or wind, or the swift air, the sphere of the stars, impetuous water, heaven's lamps, are what they have held to be the "gods" who govern the world.
If, charmed by their BEAUTY, they have taken THESE for gods, let them know HOW MUCH THE MASTER OF THESE EXCELS THEM, since HE WAS THE VERY SOURCE OF BEAUTY THAT CREATED THEM And if they have been impressed by their POWER and ENERGY, let them DEDUCE from these how much MIGHTIER is HE THAT HAS FORMED THEM, since THROUGH THE GRANDEUR AND BEAUTY OF THE CREATURES WE MAY, BY ANALOGY, CONTEMPLATE THEIR AUTHOR.
Small blame, however, attaches to them, for perhaps they go astray only in their SEARCH for God and their EAGERNESS to FIND him; FAMILIAR WITH HIS WORKS, they INVESTIGATE them and FALL VICTIM TO APPEARANCES, SEEING SO MUCH BEAUTY.
But even so, they have no excuse: if they are CAPABLE of ACQUIRING ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE to be ABLE to INVESTIGATE the world, HOW HAVE THEY BEEN SO SLOW TO FIND ITS MASTER?")

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️‼️ They "received" the promises in one sense: AS Promises; but had not yet entered upon their FRUITION.
[This is actually a very notable point! God gives ONCE; He makes the Promise and so it IS "received"; the "possession" of it IS true, even if only in WORD; just because they don't have the "tangible historical fulfillment" of it YET doesn't mean they don't "HAVE" it in the Promise itself. It's STILL THEIRS, and guaranteed; the point I'm making is that in a sense, the invisible reality is more important than the visible actualization. Yes the Promises are MEANT to be fulfilled in time & space– that's WHY God gave them CONCERNING such things; He is NOT deceptive– but they ALWAYS ALSO have a SPIRITUAL component that transcends & surpasses their historical fulfillment, and that component is ALWAYS CHRIST, Who is the FOCAL POINT OF ALL HUMAN HISTORY (CCC 668, 759) and the REASON FOR CREATION ITSELF (CCC 280, 381). And even now we haven't "received" the full fruition– that still awaits the Second Coming! And yet, IN FAITH, and THROUGH THE PROMISES OF SCRIPTURE, we HAVE "received" those future realities AS real, and so we DO rejoice IN their reality, even if we don't get to see it with our earthly eyes!]

🌟🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️‼️ that they seek a country = Rather, “that they are seeking FURTHER after a NATIVE land.” Hence comes the argument of the next verse that it was not their OLD home in Chaldea for which they were yearning, but a [NEW and] HEAVENLY native-land [since, after having been called OUT of the world by God, and thus having come into a "new life" of FAITH, they DIDN'T have a "homeland" on earth anymore!! Their SEEKING was therefore the LOGICAL RESULT of this situation!!]

...the faith and hopes of the Patriarchs reached BEYOND mere temporal blessings.
...they desire = The word means, “they are yearning for,” “they stretch forth their hands towards.”
[Notably the word often used for "stretch"-- "natah"-- is ALSO used for pitching tents, inclining ears, and turning hearts. That is, spiritually, exactly what these faithful men were doing; they turned their hearts away from the world to turn towards God, they inclined their ears to His Voice, and their souls made their home with Him, wherever He led them-- and, of course, ultimately to Heaven itself, to dwell with Him forever.]

✝️✝️✝️💔💔💔But they NEVER [EVEN] ATTEMPTED to return to Mesopotamia, because they were HOME-SICK for HEAVEN.
[...is this what I'm actually feeling deep inside, with all this sad lonely tired aching yearning, and I'm not recognizing the truth of it?]
[God why do I still feel like I don't know what heaven is enough to truly be homesick for it? What am I missing? Why am I so blind? I'm scared. Help me to see. Please. Help me to stop feeling so homeless.]

SAINT CLARE PRAY FOR ME SISTER 🙏🤍

TOOK THE BUS TO CHURCH!!!!!!!
Cost $1.75 so ~$27 monthly but IT'S WORTH IT FOR JESUS
(Gonna bravely try WALKING on Thursday if the weather allows? Because next week we'll HAVE to as the couple who normally gives us a ride home will be on vacation)
Got to the bus stop WAY too early though so we said an entire rosary

The downside = "succeeding" in what our brain had been previously labeling as a "life threatening risk" immediately triggered "MANIA" = that scary "I'M INVINCIBLE AND CAN DO ANYTHING" energy like a mad dog.
Is this part of the BPD????
In any case DO NOT MAKE ANY DECISIONS IN THIS STATE.
Go straight home and tranquilize yourself somehow 

AND YET we ALSO noticed as we were first headed out for the bus this morning that the INSTANT WE LEAVE THE HOUSE our mind kicks into a TOTALLY DIFFERENT MINDSET that we have indoors???
The tangible anxiety disappeared, but was replaced by this bizarre non-emotional survival hypervigilance??? Our startle response was off the charts (we were as jumpy as a squirrel) but we reacted without feelings, only this wide-eyed numbness like a deer in the headlights, yet with an equally numb readiness to attack or run if need be. "Freeze in order to fight" somehow. It was so bizarre.

BUT THIS EXPLAINS HOW & WHY WE WERE ABLE TO GET AROUND SLC/NC LIKE WE DID. We never had any explanation for it for YEARS and now we know why = it's because "indoor/private brain" CANNOT FATHOM "outdoor/public brain." 
SO APPARENTLY, BY SHEER DEFINITION, YES, WE ARE STILL "DIS-INTEGRATED". 
We're not "dissociating" in a blackout sense but SOMETHING IS STILL HAPPENING THAT IS SPLITTING OUR SENSE OF SELF AND MEMORY AND COMPREHENSION.
PLEASE TALK ABOUT THIS SOMEHOW SOON


ADORATION CHAPEL STILL NOT OPEN.
Breaking my heart. At least I'll see Him tomorrow.
In the meantime it's OFF TO IRELAND WE GO


So sensitive to all smells & fragrances lately
Took literally like two drops of Benadryl when we got home
IMMEDIATE hives & breathing trouble
JUNKED IT.
Dude you realize this is probably because you abused the stuff as a drug for YEARS

In any case the dyspnea is back and I forgot how frightening it is to feel like I'm suffocating for hours

Could this be seasonal allergies too because of all the grass cutting they keep doing outside???
ALSO apparently they're CLEANING OUT an apartment on this floor so there are CHEMICAL & INDUSTRIAL SMELLS and that is NOT HELPING

Couldn't exercise well
Starved for it but too weak and couldn't breathe right
Messed me up bad
Made my body even MORE tense and shaky and anxious because NO BURNOFF

ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL OCD HELL
30 MINUTES OF UNCONTROLLABLE TRAUMATIZED SOBBING
WHAT IS GOING ON???????



Expired vitamin water PANIC
ALMOST PURGED/ BINGEBOUGHT
"God i want to fight and win the victory for you but I am so weak. I need encouragement. Please, just for today, give me a "reward" or a sign that I should fight and it will be worth it, so I don't give up."
AND IMMEDIATELY IT STARTED POURING RAIN OUTSIDE.


Night =
So exhausted it's making me incapable of basic tasks
I feel so numb depressed from fatigue I want to sleep for days


BTW TYPE ABOUT THIS??????
https://equip.health/articles/understanding-eds/fear-of-choking-arfid
THAT IS EXPLAINING EXACTLY WHAT I AM SUFFERING WITH!!!!!!


------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/hebrews-11/
⚠️WARNING = EVANGELICALISM⚠️
(i.e. five solas, "born again" experience, dispensationalism, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔 The verb tense for "OFFERED up" indicates that, as far as ABRAHAM was concerned, the sacrifice WAS complete. In his WILL and in his PURPOSE he REALLY DID sacrifice his son.
[This has been emphasized multiple times before but I will reiterate it again because it STILL HITS ME SO HARD, and in a CONVICTING manner, because that verb implies an OPPOSITE possible case– where someone could literally sacrifice something, literally burning it up, and STILL NOT HAVE SACRIFICED IT IN THEIR WILL. And guess what? THAT'S WHAT WE KEEP STUPIDLY DOING. We routinely and repeatedly destroy more and more of our physical and digital possessions BUT then YEARS LATER we're still mourning the losses on some level????? So our WILL was NOT sacrificed, because we acted on IMPULSE– and it was from HATRED OF SELF, NOT LOVE OF GOD, NO MATTER WHAT THE THRISKEFONI CLAIM, BECAUSE THOSE TWO THINGS CANNOT COEXIST, NO MATTER HOW MUCH THOSE HYPOCRITICALLY-HOLY GIRLS INSIST OTHERWISE. And BECAUSE of this, our PURPOSE was NOT sacrificed either, because it was FOCUSED ON SELF, EVEN IN AN ANNIHILATORY WAY. And besides, as you evil girls obviously keep forgetting– AND even DENYING & REFUTING– GOD DOES NOT DESIRE THE DEATH OF ANYONE (Ezekiel 18:23+30-32, Wisdom 1:13, 11:24)!!!!!!! INCLUDING US!!!!!!!
But that's actually besides the main point here, which is the DEFINITION OF SACRIFICE = IT IS AN ACT OF WORSHIP, IN GIVING SOMETHING ENTIRELY TO GOD.
IF YOU'RE NOT "SACRIFICING" THINGS FOR THAT SPECIFIC REASON, THEN YOU'RE NOT SACRIFICING AT ALL.]


As far as Abraham was concerned, ISAAC WAS "AS GOOD AS DEAD" [meaning he had ALREADY ACCEPTED THAT AS HIS FATE; he was NOT entertaining ANY thoughts of being stopped or prevented, and thus of Isaac not dying– which, ironically, IS what actually happened! But ABRAHAM HAD NO "HOPE" OF ISAAC SURVIVING, BECAUSE ABRAHAM'S REAL HOPE WAS IN ISAAC RESURRECTING???? GOD HAD TOLD HIM TO "SACRIFICE," AND THAT MANDATED DEATH, AND THEREFORE ABRAHAM EXPECTED NOTHING OTHERWISE. Abraham's COMMITTED OBEDIENCE meant that Isaac's death was INEVITABLE, and thus he WAS "already dead" in Abraham's mental picture of the future event at hand, because THERE WAS NO OTHER POSSIBLE OUTCOME IF ABRAHAM WAS TO BE FAITHFUL.]
...and [therefore] it was FROM the dead that he RECEIVED HIM BACK [solely by GOD "CANCELING" THE FATE ABRAHAM ASSUMED WAS CERTAIN. God intervened and said NO, and suddenly Abraham's future picture was CHANGED. Suddenly he was NOT going to have to plunge the knife; he was NOT going to see and smell and feel the blood and fire, he was NOT going to have to wait and trust and hope in the most radical faith possible that his poor butchered son would somehow be restored and raised up to wholeness and life again. Abraham had SURRENDERED HIS ENTIRE SELF to this outlook and expectation, literally DYING TO ISAAC in a sense??? And now suddenly, his son DIDN'T HAVE TO PHYSICALLY DIE THERE– which, in this context, WOULD have been JUST AS SHOCKING & POWERFUL an event to Abraham as a literal resurrection!
But here's something I keep forgetting. IN THIS EVENT, ABRAHAM HAD ALWAYS EXPECTED ISAAC TO COME BACK TO LIFE. ABRAHAM TRUSTED GOD'S PROMISE AND TRUSTED THAT SOMEHOW ISAAC WOULD LIVE AGAIN TO FULFILL IT. ISAAC WAS NOT "DEAD TO HIM" IN THE SENSE OF ABRAHAM THINKING ISAAC WOULD STAY DEAD. ABRAHAM DID NOT "STOP CARING" ABOUT ISAAC. ABRAHAM WAS NOT IMAGINING A FUTURE WITHOUT ISAAC (Genesis 22:5). ABRAHAM SIMPLY ACCEPTED WITHOUT RESISTANCE THE TERRIBLE THOUGHT THAT ISAAC WOULD DIE, TRULY AND LITERALLY (HE EXPECTED), BUT THAT AFTER THAT DEATH, ISAAC WOULD SOMEHOW LIVE AGAIN. THAT PROFOUND FAITH AND STEADFAST HOPE WERE WHAT DROVE EVERY ONE OF ABRAHAM'S WORDS AND ACTIONS DURING THE AKEDAH. ISAAC WAS "AS GOOD AS DEAD" BUT ABRAHAM NEVER THOUGHT THAT DEATH WOULD BE PERMANENT, EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW IT WOULD BE REAL.]
...in a manner that prefigured the RESURRECTION of Jesus, [perhaps even being thereby] the incident that Jesus referred to in John 8:56 when Jesus said: "Your father Abraham REJOICED to SEE MY DAY; and he SAW it, and was GLAD."
[I don't think we reflect enough on the SHEER JOY Abraham WOULD have felt when God effectively told him that Isaac wouldn't have to die (bodily) that day. In that moment, surely BOTH Isaac AND Abraham "came back to life"– because even if Isaac’s death would have been temporary, no father can endure their child's death without losing part of his own heart with them. Or is that too sentimental? Or is assuming otherwise too cold? How did GOD "feel" when Jesus died? I don't know. I need to know. I don't know what the proper emotions are here.
But Jesus at least tells us, effectively, what the proper emotions were upon Isaac's "resurrection"– and therefore what WE should feel concerning Jesus's Resurrection– PURE JOY.
What MADE it "Jesus's Day," or at least "the MESSIAH'S Day", when Isaac was divinely delivered from what WOULD otherwise HAVE been INEVITABLE death? Was it simply that Abraham now knew that the Promise WOULD be fulfilled that would lead TO the Messiah, and yet this certainly had ONLY come "by fire," by proving itself impervious even in the face of seemingly impossible circumstances? When Abraham looked at the face of his son as he untied him, did he "see" with eyes of faith, the future face of the Son of God, Who would be born from this son of his own? Did he see with those same spiritual eyes the shocking truth that this death-and-resurrection was therefore NOT an isolated event, that it was somehow something abso essential and intrinsic to the Promise of the Messiah Himself? And did he therefore realize, with "joy inexpressible," that this resurrection "of potential" was an "unbloody sign" that, YES, God not only COULD resurrect the literally dead, but that He WOULD do so, in connection TO the Messiah of the PROMISE that had given Abraham the capacity TO HOPE for life DESPITE death, even THROUGH death– to TRUST that the PROMISE would somehow "TRANSCEND" the COMMAND, and yet for BOTH to be TRUE AND GOOD– and that, as a RESULT of this CONFIRMED HOPE, of this PROVEN FAITH, THIS "RESURRECTION" WAS ACTUALLY A FURTHER REVELATION OF WHAT THAT PROMISE MEANT IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME, AND INTO WHAT IT WOULD FULLY UNFOLD = THAT ABRAHAM HIMSELF, AND ALL THE FAITHFUL, WOULD ALSO "RISE FROM THE DEAD" WHEN THE MESSIAH CAME???? If so, then Abraham's rejoicing would not only be from the immensely grateful relief of not having to watch his son die at his own hand, but also because now he "knew" that God WAS a God of LIFE, and that His Promises OF life would ALWAYS triumph over death, AND that THERE WAS A LIFE AFTER DEATH, BECAUSE OTHERWISE GOD WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN HIM THAT HOPE FOR ISAAC, WHICH WAS THE DIRECT RESULT OF FAITH IN GOD'S PROMISE OF LIFE DESPITE THE APPARENT INEVITABILITY OF DEATH BY GOD'S COMMAND???? GOD PROVED HERE THAT HIS MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER HIS JUSTICE, AND HIS GRACE TRIUMPHS OVER HIS LAW, AND HIS LOVE TRIUMPHS OVER HIS WRATH, AND HIS LIFE TRIUMPHS OVER ALL DEATH. THERE IS AN AFTERLIFE BECAUSE THERE IS A RESURRECTION BECAUSE THERE IS A PROMISE BECAUSE THERE IS A GOD WHO LOVES US AND NEVER INTENDED FOR US TO DIE, AND ALL OF THAT IS SUMMED UP AND DEMONSTRATED AND CONFIRMED FOREVER IN JESUS CHRIST CRUCIFIED AND RISEN FROM THE DEAD. Abraham's eyes of faith got a glimpse of this ultimate hope– the true "blessing for all nations" through the Son Who would one day descend from his own "resurrected" son, this unbreakable Promise that would and already had conquered death itself through faith in Life Himself– and he rejoiced.
This is all speculation of course, pious but entirely fallible.
Nevertheless, the idea of Jesus saying "My Day" in specific respect to the Akedah is something I absolutely therefore should read up on, in the teaching of the Church.]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ Though Abraham had another son– Ishmael, the son of his FLESHLY ATTEMPT to fulfill God’s promise [BY HIMSELF, in HIS timing and by HIS decisions– by CARNAL means and HUMAN will and WORLDLY ideas– basically putting HIMSELF IN GOD'S POSITION and thereby ASSUMING (however "unconsciously"; but the effect is true) that HE WAS WISER & MORE POWERFUL THAN GOD???? As if God COULDN'T pull this off WITHOUT ABRAHAM'S INITIATIVE???? Abraham and Sarah absolutely and obviously were NOT acting in overt pride or arrogance, AND YET their actions STILL DEMONSTRATED THAT VICE, effectively saying, "I KNOW BETTER THAN GOD." That's the REAL HORROR of it!]
⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ ...GOD DID NOT RECOGNIZE THE OTHER SON (Genesis 22:2+12+16)– so Isaac COULD be called his ONLY BEGOTTEN son.
[THIS IS ACTUALLY TERRIFYING???? ISAAC WAS BEGOTTEN OF FAITH, BY GOD'S PROMISE AND A MIRACLE; ISHMAEL WAS BEGOTTEN OF DOUBT, BY HUMAN DISTRUST AND A SUBTERFUGE. BUT BECAUSE OF THIS, GOD DIDN'T "RECOGNIZE" ISHMAEL?????? IS THAT IMPLYING THAT HIS BIRTH, BEING TECHNICALLY THE FRUIT OF ADULTERY, AS THE DIRECT RESULT OF TRUSTING SELF ABOVE GOD, MADE HIM "ILLEGITIMATE" IN A SPIRITUAL SENSE????? AND GOD COULD NOT RIGHTLY "RECOGNIZE" HIM AS ABRAHAM'S SON IN A SPIRITUAL (AND THUS PROMISE-RELATED) SENSE, BECAUSE HE WAS NOT BORN OF FAITH OR FIDELITY????
BUT WHAT DOES THE KEYWORD "BEGOTTEN" MEAN IN THE ORIGINAL HEBREW CONTEXT, AND WHAT WOULD THE "ALTERNATIVE" BE IN REGARD TO ISHMAEL, ESPECIALLY IN STARK CONTRAST TO JESUS AS THE "BEGOTTEN" ANTITYPE???? FIND OUT ASAP!!]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🔔🔔🔔🔔 The ancient Greek word translated accounting... is a term from ARITHMETIC ["God's cosmic language" as it were], expressing “a DECISIVE and CAREFULLY REASONED ACT.” This means that Abraham CALCULATED God’s Promise WORTHY of CONFIDENCE [and that CAREFUL (HONEST, IMPARTIAL, DILIGENT, DISCERNING, UPRIGHT, HUMBLE) CALCULATION NECESSARILY RESULTED IN TAKING DECISIVE ACTION ACCORDINGLY— THROUGH AN ACT OF FAITH!!!! HIS REASONING ACTUALLY POWERFULLY SUPPORTED AND STRENGTHENED HIS TRUSTING BELIEF, PROVING THAT FAITH IN GOD IS PERFECTLY REASONABLE, AND THUS, BY THAT SAME REASONING, LOGICALLY DEMANDS A DECISIVELY AFFIRMATIVE & COOPERATIVE RESPONSE!!!!!]

🔔🔔🔔🔔🤍🤍🤍🤍 When Abraham was confronted with a PROMISE and a COMMAND from God which SEEMED to contradict each other, he did what we ALL should do: HE OBEYED THE COMMAND AND LET GOD TAKE CARE OF THE PROMISE. God was MORE THAN ABLE to do this.
[THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL INSTRUCTION. REMEMBER THIS ALWAYS. MY JOB IS NEVER TO "MAKE THINGS HAPPEN". I AM BUT A SERVANT, NOT A LORD!!! MY JOB IS TO DO WHAT I AM TOLD. GOD HAS GIVEN ME HIS COMMANDS, AND THEY MUST BE OBEYED, WITHOUT EXCEPTION AND WITHOUT ALTERATIONS. AS LONG AS I AM OBEDIENT, I HAVE NO REASON TO WORRY, BECAUSE GOD IS HARMONIOUS, AND HIS WORDS CANNOT CONTRADICT THEMSELVES. MY JOB IS TO TRUST THIS FACT BECAUSE I TRUST GOD. SO AS LONG AS I AM LIVING ACCORDING TO HIS WORD, AND THUS LIVING IN FAITH IN HIS WORDS BEING TRUE, THEN HIS PROMISES WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE IN MY LIFE– BECAUSE THE ONLY THING THAT CAN "PREVENT" THEM IS MY UNBELIEF AND DISOBEDIENCE. GOD WILL STILL FULFILL THEM, BUT NOT FOR ME. THIS IS THE PARADOX. GOD IS TRUSTWORTHY BUT IF WE DOUBT THAT THEN WE WILL BLOCK OURSELVES FROM EXPERIENCING IT.]
[The main point = GOD NEVER SPEAKS IN RIDDLES, AND GOD CANNOT FRUSTRATE HIS OWN PURPOSES. YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY "WHETHER OR NOT GOD EXPECTED THINGS TO TURN OUT THIS WAY" OR "WHETHER GOD CAN OR WILL STILL FULFILL THAT PROMISE WITH HOW MUCH HAS CHANGED" ETC. REMEMBER THAT GOD IS OMNISCIENT AND OMNIPOTENT; NOTHING SURPRISES HIM; HE ALREADY PREPARED FOR THIS; HE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW TO MAKE IT WORK. WE MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND IT AND WE DON'T HAVE TO. ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS HAVE FAITH IN ALL HIS WORDS, TRUST IN HIS FIDELTY TO FULFILL THEM, AND OBEDIENTLY DO WHAT HE HAS TOLD US TO DO UNTIL THEN. GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. WE JUST HAVE TO STOP TRYING TO DO HIS JOB.]


⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ Isaac was really in the FLESH, NOT in FAITH, when he FIRST intended to bless Esau instead of Jacob. He wanted to bless Esau with the birthright for CARNAL reasons. He liked Esau as a MORE “MANLY” MAN, and he liked [TO EAT] the wild game he brought home. Instead he SHOULD have chosen Jacob, whom GOD chose. [EVEN IF– PURELY THEORETICALLY– HE "DIDN'T LIKE" JACOB; EVEN IF HE THOUGHT JACOB WAS "EFFEMINATE"; EVEN IF HE WOULDN'T EAT JACOB'S COOKING; EVEN IF HE HAD THOUGHT JACOB WAS UNDESERVING OF THE BLESSING; ETC.!!! BUT NONE OF THOSE PERSONAL JUDGMENTS WOULD HAVE MATTERED AT ALL BECAUSE JACOB WAS STILL THE ONE GOD CHOSE, AND ESAU WASN'T. IT ALL AND ALWAYS COMES DOWN TO HAVING ENOUGH FAITH IN GOD'S TRUSTWORTHINESS TO HUMBLY SURRENDER OUR SELF-WILL AND FAITHFULLY OBEY WHATEVER HE SAYS, REGARDLESS OF OUR HUMAN FEELINGS AND IDEAS AND OPINIONS AND DESIRES, BECAUSE WHATEVER GOD WILLS IS WHAT MUST AND WILL BE DONE, AND WHATEVER GOD SAYS IS THE TRUTH, NO MATTER HOW WE MAY RESIST OR DENY OR OPPOSE IT. WE DON'T UNDERSTAND THE BIG PICTURE AND WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR US OR OUR LOVED ONES. GOD DOES. JUST TRUST HIM, AND ACT IN THAT TRUST.]

When the Pharaoh of Egypt [ABUSED his GOD-GIVEN authority (Romans 13:1, John 19:11) and therefore UNJUSTIFIABLY] COMMANDED the murder of Hebrew children, FAITH gave Moses’ parents the COURAGE to OBEY [THE JUST & RIGHTEOUS & ETERNAL LAWS OF THE TRUE & HOLY] GOD INSTEAD OF [THE CRUEL & UNJUST & FLEETING CAPRICES OF A SINFUL & FAITHLESS] MAN.

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔 Moses showed faith when HE LET GOD CHART HIS DESTINY INSTEAD OF ALLOWING PHARAOH OR RAW AMBITION TO DO IT.
[THIS HITS VERY HARD. I am dangerously guilty of this too-- in social situations I let everyone around me "chart my destiny" and yet I still have all these hypercontrolling mental illness symptoms in private to compensate. Ultimately I'm being an idiot and not surrendering to God in ALL contexts.
...My problem is that I don't recognize His Voice yet. My mind is too loud and I'm too confused. I don't know Him well enough yet to discern His Will, as these vapid "commentaries" of mine humiliatingly prove.
But I'm learning. I want to learn. I want to hear, and listen, and know, and recognize, and cherish, and obey, always. God please help me.]
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️‼️THIS CHOICE HAD [BOTH TEMPORAL & ETERNAL] CONSEQUENCES [THAT WERE ONLY VISIBLE TO EYES OF FAITH]. Moses KNEW that TO GO GOD'S WAY MEANT TO SUFFER [PASSING!] AFFLICTION [FOR THE SAKE OF FIDELITY TO GOD, PARTICULARLY THROUGH FAITHFUL OBEDIENCE TO HIS RIGHTEOUS COMMANDS, FOR FEAR OF OFFENDING HIM AND BEING SEPARATED FROM HIM, AND WITH A HOLY HOPE IN HEAVENLY REWARDS,] RATHER THAN TO [GO MAN'S WAY, THE WORLDLY WAY, THE FAITHLESS AND SELF-SERVING WAY, MERELY TO INDULGE ONE'S FALLEN CARNAL DESIRES, AND SO FOOLISHLY FORSAKE THE DIGNITY & HONOR & ETERNAL JOYS OF SACRIFICIAL VIRTUE IN ORDER TO WANTONLY] ENJOY THE PASSING PLEASURES OF SIN.
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ Sin DOES have its pleasures [if you can even call it that– they ONLY give SENSIBLE pleasure, INSTINCTIVE satisfaction, both animal things! To spend oneself in the pursuit of such base & carnal delights is not only tragically vain but utterly dehumanizing.]
[BY FAITH,] MOSES PROPERLY SAW THEM AS PASSING, EVEN IF THEY SHOULD LAST OUR ENTIRE EARTHLY LIFE.
[BECAUSE THAT PASSES, TOO, AND MUCH SOONER THAN WE EXPECT.]


It took FAITH to BELIEVE that the blood of a lamb on the doorpost WOULD save a household from the terror of the angel of death [SOLELY BECAUSE GOD SAID IT WOULD]. But MOSES HAD THAT FAITH and LED the nation in observing the Passover.
[THE SOLE EXAMPLE-- PUBLIC AND UNASHAMED-- OF A REAL, TRUE, OBEDIENT, FAITH MIGHT JUST, BY GRACE, BE ENOUGH TO SAVE COUNTLESS SOULS. REMEMBER THIS, AND DO NOT BE AFRAID TO WITNESS TO THE FIDELITY OF GOD WITH YOUR LIFE.] 

SO TIRED.
I NEED to get more than 5 hours of sleep bro this is WRECKING me BOTH mentally and physically

TERRIFIED to eat all this broccoli just to hit 2000K.
Jesus says I DON’T HAVE TO EAT IT ALL????
I'M ALLOWED TO SAVE LEFTOVERS?????
Oh wow that's an entirely new concept to my brain
"GOD WILL PROVIDE THE WAY OF ESCAPE"!!!!


GOD SPEAKING THROUGH ME VIA YOUTUBE
SO PARTICULARLY, PERSONALLY, DIRECTLY RELEVANT IT STUNNED ME (and scared me too! Every time I get a glimpse of God's omniscience & omnipotent Providence, even though it's entirely for my good, it IS scary. I suppose that's holy fear. His power and wisdom and knowledge and plans are just SO BEYOND COMPRENSION.)
https://youtu.be/2NLdsgmCM9o?is=JENEaHPV2V0raO83
https://youtu.be/fN3nggkuhDc?is=N0snZ-ZNlTJj9Ky_
https://youtu.be/iPucGb2Ehqw?is=B9GDDQ3BxNT0tCNQ
https://youtu.be/nLBKxwGEDiY?is=9pQ7eQV9KYOgVGn0
https://youtu.be/4vBTYnYBSo0?is=QPJXN4_xbqhKNRTX
https://youtu.be/Loi-5FiYgsg?is=rIhWmA-7jgNuC4uu

Mark 4:40 absolutely gutpunching me today
("Jesus said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”")

OCD HELL RETURNS WITH A VENGEANCE
Only 21 hours fasting though???? Dude DON'T PUSH IT trying to go for 24 is NOT going to make it any better


------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

ON TO THE NEXT!!!
This is also the LAST Protestant commentary I have on my tab list before two ACTUALLY CATHOLIC ONES so I can FINALLY rest from vigilant defense mode.


https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/hebrews-11/
⚠️WARNING = EVANGELICALISM⚠️
(i.e. five solas, "born again" experience, dispensationalism, no purgatory, only 2 sacraments, no pope, penal substitutionary atonement)

🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️...FAITH [as "spiritual eyesight"] is the “sense” that gives us (CONVICTION or) EVIDENCE of the invisible, [immaterial, intangible, and yet profoundly REAL things of the] spiritual world... Faith extends BEYOND what we learn from our senses [WITHOUT INVALIDATING THEM! Faith simply TRANSCENDS them, saying, "you are NOT DECEIVED by what you CAN sense; but there's MORE to this situation than you can sense with your BODY!"]
"Faith is the ORGAN which ENABLES people to see the INVISIBLE ORDER.”
[...God you know EXACTLY what language to use to get my attention]

🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️Faith HAS its REASONS. The Bible DOESN’T recommend a “blind leap” of faith [and I think even WARNS AGAINST doing so, if only through the simple FACT that God tells us to HAVE FAITH IN HIS NAME, AND IN HIS WORDS, WHICH ARE ABSOLUTELY TRUSTWORTHY. A "blind leap" suggests trusting WITHOUT a real basis for doing so, a sort of "take a chance" action where the outcome IS uncertain. FAITH ACTUALLY CANNOT BE UNCERTAIN BECAUSE GOD'S WORDS ARE ALWAYS CERTAIN, AND THAT'S WHERE OUR FAITH IS ANCHORED!!!! WE'RE LEAPING INTO HIS OPEN AND READY ARMS, BECAUSE HE'S SAID THAT HE'S WAITING TO CATCH US– WE'RE NOT JUMPING WITH OUR EYES CLOSED!!!! "BLIND" ONLY APPLIES TO OUR PHYSICAL EYES BEING UNABLE TO "SEE" HIM IN THE DARKNESS OF LIFE; BUT FAITH IS A LIGHT (), AND IT DOES SEE HIM THERE!!!! IF YOU SAY YOUR FAITH IS "BLIND," AND YOU CANNOT "SEE" GOD, THEN YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY LOOKING WITH THE EYES OF FAITH, BECAUSE FAITH, BY ITS VERY NATURE, IS ALWAYS LOOKING UPON HIS FACE.]
[DOUBT– THE DEFINITION OF UNCERTAINTY– NOT ONLY BLINDS OUR EYES OF FAITH, BUT ALSO SNUFFS OUT HOPE (James 1:6-7)!!!]
🌟🌟🌟...the reasons [for our faith] can’t be measured in a laboratory [just like you can't "measure" beauty or love or truth or any other heavenly thing by earthly means]; they have to be UNDERSTOOD SPIRITUALLY...
🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️ [The tests of faith] are NOT those of the SENSES, [because THOSE can STILL] YIELD UNCERTAINTY [but, in stunning contrast, I repeat that FAITH ACTUALLY CANNOT BE UNCERTAIN, BECAUSE TRUE FAITH IS ENTIRELY SET UPON GOD, AND GOD IS TRUTH ITSELF— AND THUS GOD'S UNCHANGING CHARACTER CAN ALWAYS BE RELIED UPON, AND GOD'S PROMISES ARE INFALLIBLY CERTAIN, EVEN IF WE CANNOT "SEE" ANY MATERIAL PROOF OF THESE THINGS WITH OUR BODILY SENSES!!!!]

If you HAVE the "substance" before you, or if you CAN see it, THERE IS NO USE FOR FAITH [that such a "substance" EXISTS; nor is there any grounds for HOPE, because you already HAVE the thing in the TANGIBLE PRESENT]. Faith is NEEDED for [us to TRUST in the SUBSTANTIAL REALITY of] what we CAN’T SEE and CAN’T TOUCH; [and HOPE is the SURE AND FIRM EXPECTATION that ONE DAY WE WILL HAVE AND EXPERIENCE THOSE "SUBSTANCES"– EVEN IF ONLY IN HEAVEN– BECAUSE GOD'S PROMISES ALWAYS COME TRUE, AND THEY ARE NEITHER CONFINED TO NOR LIMITED BY THE MATERIAL WORLD OR LINEAR TIME!!! THEREFORE, FAITH AND HOPE LITERALLY NEED TO BE ANCHORED IN THE UNSEEN TRUTH OF THE EXISTENCE OF NOT ONLY GOD HIMSELF, BUT ALSO OF AN ETERNAL AFTERLIFE, IN ORDER TO EXIST AT ALL THEMSELVES!!!!]

Faith DOES NOT CONTRADICT REASON [and if it DOES then it's NOT TRUE FAITH– GOD IS TOTALLY REASONABLE AND HE CANNOT CONTRADICT HIMSELF!!!!] though it [frequently] may go BEYOND reason [WITHOUT "CANCELING IT OUT"!!! Reason is REAL & VALID & GOOD, and it SHOULD be trusted when undertaken with integrity and diligence, but ONLY TO A REASONABLE EXTENT, ironically. Our reasoning is STILL LIMITED, because WE ARE HUMAN. We can ONLY reason depending on WHAT WE CAN KNOW, DO KNOW, AND ARE ABLE TO KNOW. Furthermore, our own mental capacities of comprehension are limited by personal bias and experience and education, etc.! Basically, HUMAN REASONING IS NEVER 100% "TRUTH", BECAUSE WE'RE BASICALLY JUST REPORTING ON AND RESPONDING TO WHAT WE CAN CURRENTLY OBSERVE AND FATHOM IN CREATION, AND NO MATTER HOW MANY FACTS WE GATHER AND ANALYZE, WE WILL NEVER HAVE THE "WHOLE PICTURE." IT'S OBJECTIVELY JUST TOO BIG AND DEEP AND OLD AND COMPLEX. WE CAN KNOW REAL TRUTHS ABOUT IT BY REASONING, BUT WE CANNOT KNOW ALL THE TRUTHS– AND ESPECIALLY NOT THE DEEPEST AND MOST DEFINITIVE ONES– WITHOUT FAITH. WHY? BECAUSE THE SPIRITUAL REALM IS REAL, EVEN MORE REAL THAN THE PHYSICAL REALM, AND "EVERYTHING WE SEE WAS CREATED FROM WHAT IS UNSEEN", SPECIFICALLY BY JESUS CHRIST THE WORD AND SON OF GOD. IT ALL COMES BACK TO GOD, AND IF YOU AREN'T TAKING HIM AS BOTH THE STARTING POINT AND ULTIMATE END OF YOUR FAITH AND YOUR REASON– AS OPPOSED TO SELF AND SCIENCE ALONE– THEN YOU ARE ENTIRELY BLIND TO THE ACTUAL, UNDERLYING, TRANSCENDENT, LIMITLESS AND UNFATHOMABLE TRUTH OF ALL EXISTENCE. WITH GOD, AND THUS WITH FAITH, EVERYTHING YOU CAN LEARN BY REASON WILL DISPLAY ITS PROPER ETERNAL SENSE, AND THE BEAUTIFUL PATTERN OF GOD'S PROVIDENCE WILL BE SEEN. BUT WITHOUT GOD, WITHOUT ANY ROOM FOR FAITH, THEN NO MATTER HOW TRUE YOUR REASONING IS ON PAPER OR IN THE LAB, IT IS IN VAIN, FOR ALL YOUR KNOWLEDGE HAS LOST ITS "TELOS."]

One [CAN] OBJECTIVELY PROVE the Bible IS the most unique book ever published, and HAS impacted society more than any other book [because those are materially measurable data]. But ONLY FAITH CAN PROVE that THE BIBLE IS THE [DIVINELY INSPIRED, INFALLIBLE/UNERRING, DEFINITIVE REVELATION OF THE] WORD OF GOD [which CANNOT be proven by material means because God Himself is immaterial and immeasurable]. Therefore, this [Truth of the Biblical Authorship of God] is a belief BEYOND reason [i.e. "outside its capacity"?], but NOT in CONTRADICTION to reason [because it is in harmony with, and makes total sense in light of, the objective comparative data thus mentioned; nor is this belief] AGAINST reason [because unbiased logical scrutiny OF that data, and more, can ultimately give no better explanation than to admit the necessity of a Cause beyond its ability to document– like the Shroud of Turin and Guadalupe Tilma. Science has done everything it can and yet the ONLY REASONABLE EXPLANATION POSSIBLE, ACCORDING TO THE ACTUAL FACTUAL MEASURABLE DATA, IS THAT THERE IS NO MATERIAL OR EARTHLY EXPLANATION. THUS, FAITH ACTUALLY BECOMES THE LOGICAL CONCLUSION OF REASONING.]

Faith is NOT a bare belief OR intellectual understanding. It is a WILLINGNESS to TRUST IN, to RELY ON, and to CLING TO [a REAL, LIVING, DIVINE PERSON-- which means FAITH REQUIRES A RELATIONSHIP!!!!].

🌟🌟🌟❤❤❤‼️‼️‼️ The GREAT EXAMPLES OF GODLINESS [i.e. the SAINTS] ALL had DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND PERSONALITIES [even dramatically so], but [these differences were ABSOLUTELY NO HINDRANCE to the FACT that] they ALL had ONE THING IN COMMON [even if it was LITERALLY the ONLY thing in common between any two of them]– FAITH.
[AND THEREFORE NONE OF THEIR INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES HAD ANY DETRIMENTAL EFFECT ON WHETHER OR NOT THEY "COULD" BE GODLY!!!!]

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ These Jewish Christians were DISCOURAGED [note the obvious etymology: "without COURAGE"; i.e. "they LOST HEART"!!! This happened because they were "WORN DOWN" WITH SUFFERING. PERSECUTION was a HEAVY CROSS and, as is the nature of the cross, they were feeling SCANDALIZED by the paradox of the Good News bringing them such Bad Times. They were called to new life and yet they were facing death everyday. It wasn't easy whatsoever! They were understandably confused and scared and tired– from a NATURAL perspective. Remember THEY HADN'T STARTED OUT LIKE THIS! They HAD endured bravely and valiantly ALREADY. The problem here, the reason for their discouragement, was that THEIR FAITH HAD WEAKENED– the nonstop sacrifices & struggles and the increasing intensity & intimacy of opposition were taking their toll on their human nature, and they were apparently having a hard time trusting that God was still in control of all of it, or that God was really the One they were following if things just kept getting worse??? In any case THEY HAD "FORGOTTEN THEIR FIRST LOVE," as the case ALWAYS seems to be. They had fallen out of a RELATIONSHIP with God. They had STOPPED LOOKING AT HIM, because they had become too focused on the painfully visibly worldly circumstances around them. Again, understandable by nature, and by secular reason– survival is a good instinct. BUT FAITH BOTH TRANSCENDS AND TRANSFORMS IT ALL– specifically FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST, the INCARNATE WORD OF GOD, the FULFILLMENT OF ALL GODS PROMISES. And that means TRUSTING HIM, which means KNOWING HIM. This epistle has been showing us that these poor Christians did NOT know Jesus as well as they might have once, or even ever did, and UNTIL they got to know Who He Was– not only objectively as to the whole created order but PERSONALLY to them as uniquely precious to Him– then their faith, their trust, WOULDN'T have a SOLID ANCHOR to hold them fast amidst the storms of life. They needed to gain and develop the power to SPIRITUALLY REASON through their circumstances, which is ONLY POSSIBLE through KNOWING and TRUSTING what GOD HAS SAID to us IN HIS SON, Who IS the "treasurehouse of the wisdom and knowledge of God" (Colossians 2:3)!!!
But as for the immediate point = like the apostles before the Resurrection, these Christians were discouraged, their soul-soil choked with thorns, their vision clouded with pain and fear and fatigue, with prejudice and confusion and rejection, even with very clever and persuasive opponents trying TO deceive and discourage them... even within their own families. Their faith was SPECIFICALLY being undermined here, the visible being weaponized against the invisible, temporal goods being pitted against eternal beatitude, natural affections battling against supernatural devotion. They were being pulled to pieces, and for whatever reason, they WEREN'T TURNING TO JESUS. Maybe the very idea of a Crucified Savior was still too scandalous to them in and of itself; maybe it even felt like a cruel joke or a mockery, instead of a comfort, amidst their current oppression. I don't know. But the bottom line is that their TRUST in Him, and in the TRUTH of in His Gospel AND of His Church, had faltered and fractured;] and [THEREFORE they now became dangerously vulnerable to SPIRITUAL ATTACK. The devil only needs to find one tiny crack in your armor and he WILL plunge a knife in. But these Christians were apparently so exhausted already, and so near to despondency, that they were ready to put down their SHIELDS (Ephesians 6:16). And so they were being SEVERELY TEMPTED,  and surely some were even ENTERTAINING, the DISASTROUS and DEADLY] thought of [effectively DE-ENLISTING from the Church Militant, by ENTIRELY] GIVING UP ON JESUS and a DISTINCTIVE CHRISTIANITY [and "GOING BACK TO NORMAL" as a regular, ordinary, everyday Jew. No more persecution from their own people, no more extra governmental oppression, no more torture and mockery and loss, no more Cross and Passion and Death. No more visible, tangible, immediate, yet temporal suffering. It was "only reasonable". But oh, what eternal and unseen joys they would LOSE as a result of losing their FAITH!]
🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔 They NEEDED a GOOD TESTIMONY, and so they NEEDED these EXAMPLES OF FAITH to BREAK THEM OUT OF DISCOURAGEMENT.
[THEY NEEDED RELATABLE WITNESSES. THEY NEEDED TO "REMEMBER WHAT GOD HAS DONE". THEY NEEDED SOMEONE TO "OPEN THEIR MINDS TO UNDERSTAND" HOW ALL THE SCRIPTURES ULTIMATE SPEAK OF JESUS. THEY NEEDED TO HEAR THE UNDYING WORDS AND HONORABLE ACCOUNTS OF JEWS LIKE THEM, WHO HAD HELD FAST IN FAITH TO THE VERY END, BECAUSE THEY TRUSTED GOD'S PROMISES, ESPECIALLY OF THE COMING MESSIAH. THESE CHRISTIANS NEEDED TO HEAR THE GOOD TESTIMONIES OF THE OLD COVENANT, PROCLAIMING AND PROVING THAT THE "GOOD NEWS" OF THE NEW COVENANT REALLY IS JUST THAT GOOD, AND JUST AS WORTH LIVING AND DYING FOR.]

We DID NOT SEE [God's] Act of Creation; we only KNOW of it by FAITH. We ALSO know this by REASON, because we know the world was created and created by an INTELLIGENT DESIGNER. Again, this is faith going BEYOND,  but NOT IN CONTRADICTION to reason.
[THIS WAS THE GIST OF BISHOP BARRON'S EXACT HOMILY TODAY!!!]

Even in times when it SEEMS God expects a faith that contradicts reason, [if we USE our reason and honestly give His Words a] CLOSER EXAMINATION [in HARMONY with our faith– i.e. "TAKING HIM AT HIS WORD" COMPLETELY, WITHOUT DOUBTING, and reasoning with THAT INFALLIBLE TRUSTWORTHINESS as our foundation– then REASON ITSELF ALWAYS] reveals that HE DOES NOT [EVER act in contradiction to Himself, in His Words OR in His Works– and holy reason will also reveal what faith already knows: that He CANNOT– and therefore He likewise CANNOT ASK US TO DO SUCH A THING– especially because, in ANY case, for a CREATURE TO CONTRADICT GOD IS A SIN!]

For example, it might SEEM contrary to reason for God to EXPECT Abraham to BELIEVE that Sarah’s dead womb COULD bring forth a child [and it WOULD be unreasonable, IF GOD WASN'T IN THE PICTURE!!! Her barren & aged womb literally had NO ABILITY to do so by either natural or logical means! The ONLY way Abraham COULD "believe" otherwise would be if he believed in a MIRACLE– which is a SUPERNATURAL & EXCEPTIONAL INTERVENTION UPON NATURE, BY THE OMNIPOTENT WILL & DESIGN OF GOD. And THAT is EXACTLY the faith God was asking of Abraham! If Abraham had ONLY "put faith" in Sarah's womb becoming fruitful OF ITSELF, that belief would be ACTUALLY CONTRARY TO REASON, because her womb had NO natural potential or power to act otherwise, and therefore NEITHER could SARAH'S willpower or efforts of intervention do anything about it! GOD WASN'T ASKING FOR FAITH IN NATURAL MEANS & METHODS AGAINST ALL GOOD LOGIC— which is, ironically, how Ishmael came to be born– because GOD IS ORDERLY & PURPOSEFUL & LOGICAL & REASONABLE (just read the Torah), and HE DOES NOT WORK IN RANSOM, HAPHAZARD, ILLOGICAL, UNREASONABLE WAYS!]

🌟🌟🌟🤍🤍🤍But it is NOT UNREASONABLE to believe that the GOD who CREATED life AND the womb COULD do this, and that He WOULD do it ACCORDING TO HIS PROMISE.
[THAT’S THE BIGGEST KEY HERE. YES, GOD IS THE OMNIPOTENT CREATOR. YES, HE HAS ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY OVER THE VERY FABRIC OF REALITY ITSELF. YES, GOD'S WILL IS SOVEREIGN AND UNSTOPPABLE. BUT ALL OF THESE MAGNIFICENT TRUTHS ARE, FOR THEIR VERY MAGNIFICENCE, "TOO HIGH" FOR A FRAIL & FEEBLE FAITH TO GRASP, LET ALONE CLING TO, AS ANY SORT OF SOLID ASSURANCE– ESPECIALLY THE NEW FAITH OF AN OLD MIND & BODY. Abraham was profoundly intelligent, sure, but was Sarah educated even half as much as he? And even if she was, it is still a fact that neither of them had the proper context & experience to deduce these things about God to the extent we can through the Gospel. Whatever they could, and surely did, reason about God through the "Book of Nature" and through the legacies of their (still very few!) faithful ancestors, it was barely scratching the surface of what God would now BEGIN to reveal TO these two blessed souls, THROUGH this new faith He was calling them to– powerfully, yes, but also with immense gentleness & patience. God is merciful; He knows our limitations, He does not rush us, He does not push us beyond our actual capacity, and He condescends to us in our weakness. He does not want us to fail! He HELPS us to succeed in doing what He asks, with generous grace given freely, as long as we are humble enough to know & admit we need it, and so be humbly open to receive it. And Sarah and Abraham were already standing on humbling ground, even besides their great age– they were NOT theologians; they were NOT aware of the mysteries that we Christians take for granted; they did NOT even have the Torah to consult for examples & encouragement in matters like this! All they had were the memories of Adam and Enoch and Noah, standing in humble but noble contrast to the many pagan myths & idolatrous magics that surely surrounded them and surely tempted them to think that maybe such means as those could accomplish a thing like this?
This was a BRAND NEW THING in history; it was UNHEARD OF for ANY "god" to have blessed an old woman with a child, and God was PROMISING He would do just that for a BARREN old woman at that! And THAT'S THE ONLY SURE ANCHOR THEY HAD = GOD HAD PROMISED. As long as they BELIEVED that GOD WAS GOD, the ONLY GOD, that He was REAL and POWERFUL and GOOD and RIGHTEOUS, and as long as they therefore TRUSTED that GOD WOULD AND COULD DO WHATEVER HE SAID, then that was ALL THEY NEEDED. They could literally REST in that confidence, like a scared child put at total peace by his father's assurance of safety. The "details" didn't matter. Worldly reason, however useful in material matters, would only wear itself out here. It could only think in black and white, possible and impossible, and suddenly here was God throwing a rainbow onto the scene, AGAIN. It is only when reason lets itself reflect the colors of FAITH that it can admit & embrace the reality of a reality it cannot grasp or even see, and yet which undergirds & illuminates everything it can ever know. Reason said, "Sarah cannot bear a child." But awash in the hues of holy trust, Reason also says, "God cannot break His Promise."]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ SINCE GOD SEES AND KNOWS ALL THINGS, “FAITH” IN A HUMAN SENSE DOES NOT APPLY TO HIM [AND BECAUSE HE HAS NO HIGHER AUTHORITY TO PLACE HIS TRUST IN!!! HE IS TRUTH ITSELF; HE IS THE ONLY TRUE AND PROPER OBJECT OF FAITH!]... GOD SEES EVERYTHING [BECAUSE EVERYTHING EXISTS IN HIM & THROUGH HIM & FOR HIM] AND DOES NOT “HOPE” FOR ANYTHING [BECAUSE HE IS ENTIRELY COMPLETE IN HIMSELF, AND NEEDS NOTHING; ALL THAT EXISTS HAS ITS ORIGIN & END IN HIM; GOD EXISTS IN THE "ETERNAL NOW" AND THERE IS NO "FUTURE ATTAINMENT" FOR HIM; ALL REAL HOPES ARE BASED ON GOD'S PROMISES AND WHATEVER GOD PROMISES IS THEREFORE ALREADY ACTUALLY REAL IN ETERNITY BECAUSE ALL HIS WORDS ARE EFFECTUAL. GOD CANNOT "HOPE" FOR HIS OWN PROMISES BECAUSE SIMPLY BY MAKING THEM THEY ARE ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED IN HIS INVINCIBLE WILL.]