I know you're in there

[prismaticbleed]

SESSION PARTICIPANTS
LAURIE UBERICH JEWEL (CANNON)
  

 

Somewhere.

Yeah, that's how I feel right now.

What's up? Feeling down?

As usual, yes, and you know why.

Ahaha, guilt trip from being such a whore, I guess.

That and being a slacker. A selfish slacker, no less.

A selfish slacker who doesn't know what the heck "self control" means.

Hey, I'm trying, okay? It's not easy.

Says you.

It's not.

Don't give me that. You're just being lazy.

You think so?

Ignorant.

...Maybe you're right.

Don't give me 'maybe' either. I am right. So I heard you betrayed Selph the other day?

...

Heartless hypocrite.

I know, believe me but I know... I love him so much it hurts, and then I... seriously, Laur, I don't know what's gone wrong with me.

A lot, J. A hell of a lot.

You can say that again.

Vanilla Naivete.

What?

Vanilla. Your sister. I saw that smile when you noticed the upload.

...Why, is that a problem?

I just don't get how you can run all your life, and yet spend so much of that time trying desperately to find someone again. I thought you were running away from all of them, not towards them.

I... well, I was. I am. I just miss her too much.

Stay away.

What?

Stay away from her. In your current condition, you'd kill her or maim her or some equally fatal thing, and you know it. Forget Midas, you have the Thanatos touch, you whore.

Stop calling me that.

I'll stop calling you that when Julie stops raping you.

Hey, that was uncalled for--

You're what's uncalled for, J. Not me. I'm here because you want me here. This pitiful excuse for a human being that you've turned into was nobody's choice, and it sure wasn't what I wanted from you.

You're angry?

What the hell do you think? Shape up or ship out, that's what I told you! And what did you do? You threw that right back in my face, you whore. Said it was 'too tough.' Said it was 'undeserved.' And now look at you! You're being violated by that pigtailed slut every time you close your eyes! Listen to me. Either you stop being such an idiot and get to work for once, or I am not only going to disown you but I am going to have my way with your freaking mess of a physical body, and you know what I mean by that.

You'll cut me to ribbons.

Better than that, Jewel. I'll flat-out kill you.

Yeah, I figured that. I have to say I deserve it at this point.

What, you're just going to stand there and act like this is justice? How the hell blind are you? If you'd just FIGHT for once, instead of standing there and letting everyone else ruin your life and tear your self to shreds, maybe you wouldn't be in such a bloody mess right about now! Ever consider that?

Laurie, what do you want me to do? I'm listening, I know that I'm screwing up, but--

But what? But you're not getting anywhere? Don't be such a spineless coward. You don't give up easily... or do you?

I don't.

Then STOP betraying yourself and do the right thing for once! Listen, do I have to invite Karl into our headgang to help me with the physical abuse when you mess up like this? He doesn't love you like I do. He won't show you any mercy whatsoever.

I know he wouldn't, Laurie. ...You know, let me just tell you something while I'm thinking of it.

Yeah?

I AM trying to do better. God help me, but I am. You know how I collapse whenever Julie so much as looks at me the wrong way nowadays!

That's only because she's kicked your ass one too many times now.

It's more than one too many times, Laurie. Once would have been too many times, and she's treating me like a rag doll. I'm not her toy to abuse and push around, Laurie, and we both know that.

Then why the hell are you still letting her do that?

I'm trying to stop her, I really am. I swear I just want to end this.

But--

But I don't know how other than surgery. Believe me, I can feel your pain now, and I'm starting to add all sorts of extra influences and reminders to keep her away from me and to keep me in safe places, but I can't stay on the computer all my life and stay up until 2AM every morning just because I know she can't touch me then.

That's only because I'm louder then, and you can finally see.

I know. I know, I can see everything so terribly clearly in the mornings.

Then why don't you take that wisdom with you for the rest of the day?

I... I don't know. Honest to God, Laurie, I don't know. Life isn't easy. I don't have the money or means to kill her, let alone the time, but I'm doing the best with what I have now. Unfortunately, I'm also distracted cruelly easily, my self control is at an abysmal low, and I keep denying myself, thinking that somehow someone has a better idea than me.

They don't. Now shut the hell up and get back to drawing Karl.

Wait, Laurie. What's your suggestion to this situation?

Same as it always has been. Listen to me, pay attention, remember who you are, and don't let that floozy touch you under any circumstances.

I know... geez, but why is it so darn hard?

Life is hard. You said so yourself.

You think maybe God's keeping all this pain and trauma in my life to keep me on track? To make sure I don't get soft or forget things or take things for granted?

Possibly. He might be. After all, he's given you far too many things to keep you alive, too.

Far too many? Laurie, without a single one of them my connection to this life would fray a little more. I need each and every one of them.

Then maybe you do need all this pain, too. An offset. Some suffering of your own, to help you empathize and to keep you from becoming too much of an egocentric hellion.

Don't call me that, Laurie.

Are you even listening to me?

Yes, I am. And yes, I do need some suffering of my own after all the blood, sweat and tears I see every day in everyone else's eyes. I'm sick of being a painless human living in some stupid cushy house with all these luxuries and modern extravagances and all that junk. I do want some suffering, some pain, if only to prove to myself that yes I am alive, yes I am getting retribution for my wrongs, yes they are not the only ones suffering here.

You're a pain addict for all the right reasons, I think.

I'm not too sure if I'm really an addict, though. I mean, I flinch like crazy yet when you tear across me. It hurts, and I'm still too freaking weak to take it like a man.

Guys flinch, too, if you hurt them enough.

But I should be able to take more pain than that. I should be able to suffer a ton of pain without screaming or flinching like some damned dog with its tail between its legs.

Hey, and stop swearing, you jerk. That's my job, and you said you'd stop stealing me from myself.

...Oh. I'm sorry. I almost forgot about that.

You'd better not. You remember what happened the last time you did that?

Yeah. That wasn't good.

Neither is this. Now leave the negativity and swearwords to me, Jewel, and you go about your crazy empathic business and leave me the heck alone.

Wait, you mean like--

No, I mean like leaving me alone as in me. I want you to stop eating me. I don't want to die before you die.

...Oh. Honestly, I'm sorry.

And pay attention to what you're typing. I can't talk as slow as you type.

Yeah, you're right.

So, what were we talking about again?

My fighting with Julie, my missing my sister, my feeling absolutely terrible lately.

Huh. Yeah, I guess we were. Which one do you want to go back to?

Julie before anything else. I want that settled as much as we can right now.

Can we settle it any more?

...I don't know. Maybe. We can try.

Yoda is going to hate you.

Heheh, I know. But it's all I can do right now without taking unneccessary cuts out of my self-esteem. "Well, Julie kicked my ass today, but--"

Watch it.

Sorry. But you know what I mean. Saying I either won against Julie or I lost to her-- that doesn't exactly help. I need to say "I might have lost today, but God help me I didn't want to. If I had my choice I would have thrown her right out the window."

Picked up a knife, done the job myself...

I don't think I'm ready to go that far. It's not sterile, it's not safe, and it's not exactly what I'd call sane.

Who said you're sane at this point, Jewel? Look at you. You're a total mess.

And I'm getting eye twitches every day now. Just like Karl!

That's not good.

No, it's not. The last thing I want is to turn into Karl.

Personality-wise, you mean.

Oh, yes. Yes. I wouldn't mind having a body made of solid resin, I think.

You'd break within the first week and you know it.

Why?

You're not careful. That or you'd trip while you were running or something.

Is that metaphorical?

Might as well be.

Huh. Well, anything else you have to say about Julie?

Just one thing. You keep fighting that devil in pink, or I swear I am going to lose it for good.

Take my steering wheel, huh?

I might. I just might.

Well, I plan to keep fighting. I don't want to lose anymore, especially not with Rorschach right around the bend.

Hey, by the way, start that counter right now. Hurry up.

Done.

"Do it for Rorschach," eh?

Yeah. He'll be here on March 5th anyway, like you said, so that gives me a solid genuine deadline to work with.

Just don't go last minute like everything else, you neurotic.

I won't, Laurie. I can't. That would be suicide.

Thanatos.

That's you, not me.

Who's the one trying to be me?

Touche. Well, I'll stop. I'm watching my language, see?

You'd better. And the only time you're allowed to cut the crosses is when I'm in control.

I know. I wouldn't dare do otherwise.

All right, now time for your little sister.

Already?

Yes, you don't want to be on here all night, do you?

No, I have to get some sketching done and I need sleep.

Well, we have 40 minutes tops, so let's get going. Vanilla, right?

Vanilla Naivete, yes.

Gamboge Sacrifice.

I need to draw her sometime soon, I swear...

You're both foods.

Isn't that funny?

Yeah, I guess so. You two should pair up with Lime and Apricot, then, start an edible Gen club...

Oh gosh, don't even start. That's hilarious, though.

So, are you going to draw Gamboge?

Soon, yes. As soon as I get some OC work done and draw some LoT and IF contestants.

Survivor and Everafter, too?

Maybe. Whatever ones I followed madly.

I think that was Survivor and IF.

Yeah, whatever one introduced me to Cyril and Spoiler and Inverted. That started everything.

You have to draw Cailen stuff, too.

That I do, but let's get back on topic. Vickie.

Yep. Your little sister.

I don't know what to tell you though, Laurie. I miss her, sure, and I love her, but that's all I can say. I wish I hadn't taken her for granted.

Your biggest fault, right behind selfish distraction.

I know.

Seriously, though, if you're going to fave stamps and read finale entries, at least get your feet in the water first. Sit down and start drawing up your OCs and writing up their backstories, or you'll be nothing but a wannabe for the rest of your life. Oh, and do it after we're done talking, please.

My, but you're being polite for once.

I'm tired, all right? All this Julie talk is draining me, not to mention ticking me off.

But we were talking about my sister.

I know, but that doesn't change my point.

Well, can we finish?

Sure. Would you want to meet her again?

Who, Vickie?

Yeah, who else?

Well... actually, I don't know anymore. I'd love to be able to talk to her again and have that close friendship like the old days, but... it's like you said earlier. I'm scared, I'm disconnected, and frankly I'm afraid of hurting her in some way.

Huh. Yeah, sounds like you.

It hurts, though.

I know.

Huh... well, maybe once I draw Vanilla I'll get a little closer to that dream. I don't know. I hope so.

Well, try. And make sure you do it this time, instead of just saying so.

I will. I have to.

All right then, last topic. Karl.

What? I thought our last topic was--

Wait. Karl first.

Why?

You've been obsessing over him.

I have not. I just like his character, that's all. He's rather brilliant.

That's it?

That's it. I told you, I can't form those sort of connections any more. Davy, Grievous, heck, even Barry and Nightcrawler... those sort of links, I seem to have forgotten how to form them. Now I'm just too afraid to get close to people, because they always end up dying in some way. Always. There has never been an exception.

What, you want to link up with Karl?

No, not like that! Like I said, I think he's cool, but he's a freaking psychopath and I honestly wouldn't want him hanging around my head knowing that I'm at least physically human, albeit unfortunately.

Point.

Yeah. So that's it. Just admiration.

Anyone that comes even slightly close to the old school Links?

Um... I actually don't think so. No one's really triggering anything. Geez, maybe I'm even broken. I've screwed myself up far too much already.

How about Chaos and the guys?

Ryou, Marik, Chaos, Grievous, Davy, Barry, Godot, Nightcrawler, Midvalley, Rorschach, Kain, and Selph all have the exact same Links as they always have, although my bizarre mental maturing has made me ridiculously sober and I tend to keep my distance now.

Bogardus didn't do anything?

Oh, no. I like him a heck of a lot, but he didn't trigger any old-school stuff. Midvalley's only on there because I was so volatile back then, you know.

Then why is Kain on there?

Because I've had dreams about Kain, and not the one you're thinking of. I've grown to really care about him as an individual for some reason, so he's up there.

Shade?

Don't even go there. No, she's just a pal.

Haha, figured I'd ask. Just let me know if you change your mind about Karl.

Laurie. It's not going to happen, I'm serious.

And I'm just pulling your leg. I know you're not like that. Now, last topic. Emptiness.

That's what it was...

What, you forgot?

Yeah.

That's terribly ironic.

I know. I'm sorry.

Stop apologizing for every freaking thing you do, I swear.

I-- I know. I've been doing that for ages.

Yeah, you don't have to tell me. But seriously, what's with your problems now?

I just feel... drained. Kind of like how you do now, I guess. But it's been like this for over a year now, and it's progressively getting worse. It just feels like someone took a vacuum to my head and sucked out half of whatever was in there... it literally feels like I have a void stuck in me, and something huge is missing. I was thinking it's religion, as my family has seriously been slacking off the family religion thing, but I've been making up for that in small personal ways... I don't know. Maybe I need to try harder, as usual.

Maybe it's that and something else. Maybe something in particular is draining you.

Like what? People? Connections? I was thinking that too.

Maybe.

Why, what do you think?

Expectations. You're putting too much on your head and killing yourself before you get started.

What, like with all this art and music and homework and dreams that I have planned all at once?

Yes, exactly like that.

Huh.

That could be it, you know.

It could be, but... but then what's keeping me going? I need all those things, Laurie, to keep me alive. They're like my drug. If I don't have a running list of things to do and accomplish, I don't feel productive and then I start to panic.

Do you need that much, though? Hell, just your Dream World work is enough to last you a lifetime, and I mean that in the literal sense.

I know. They're entrusted me with a lot. But, God's also given me Hosea and Volt and Monika and Anu and everyone to look after.

Yeah, He sure expects a lot of you.

I don't want to let Him down, either.

Yeah, I know. Hm.

What's up?

Just thinking. I don't think that there really is anything you can let go.

In that sense, you mean?

In that sense, yes. Maybe some of the free projects and uneccessary stuff, but that's it...

Artwise?

Artwise.

Well, if I sit down and get those done, it will not only help me to improve, but it will also make me look a little less like a scheming git who makes promises and then never keeps them.

Yeah, you're right.

You agreed with every word there, didn't you?

Yes, I did. It's true, Jewel-- your mouth's making promises your body can't keep, and your mind is getting ticked off.

My superego, you mean.

Yeah, haha! You got me there, freak.

Hey, watch the mouth.

Eh, I'm just edgy. You're more unstable than ever and frankly, I don't like that one bit. I can't keep you together single-handedly.

I'm not asking you to.

No, you're forcing me to. Who else is going to stand around you 24/7 and do the things I do? Selph won't pick up a knife and go at you with it. Hell, Chaos won't even look at you the wrong way, and he hates when I cut you, even when you ask me to. Delphi won't bother with you, X has bigger concerns, Revenge doesn't have a vendetta against you, Jezreel could care less, Gehinom probably doesn't even know you exist. I'm the only one who cares enough to keep you under control when you snap, and I'm not afraid to use force to do so.

Am I really that bad sometimes?

Look at yourself, Jewel, and don't make me laugh. Yes, you really are that bad. Maybe even worse.

I wish I wasn't.

I know you do. But you really should get some sleep.

Oh geez, you're right. 1AM.

Keeps Julie quiet though, right?

Right... man, Laurie, I am so sick of what I've become...

Well, what do you expect me to do? I can't change you by force, that's still up to you and your free will, whatever's left of it.

And believe me, Laurie, I'm doing everything I can at the moment...

Are you sure?

What?

Seriously, look at the situation, Jewel. Is there something else you should be doing? Manage your time better, then maybe you wouldn't have so many regrets! Stop lying to people and making promises you can't keep! Stop compromising yourself, for heavens sakes! Start caring about what other people feel! Start taking responsibility for your actions, and start finishing what you started, no matter how long ago it was! The world is still waiting for Part Twelve, and I'm still waiting for you to change for the better.

...How long have you known me, Laurie?

Longer than you know, Jewel.

I can imagine...

Get to bed, kid. And do me a favor-- think about what I said. Figure out what the hell you're doing and do it, all right? I'm really sick of all this indecision, not to mention the whining, and so help me but I'm going to do all I can to help you with it. To hell with Julie, I'm the top headvoice here, and I intend to live up to that.

Glad you at least hold me in that much regard.

Hey, I don't disrespect you or anything. I just wish you'd do better.

We all do, Laurie. We all do.

You tired?

Mm-hmm.

Well, change the text and let's get moving. Karl's not going to wait, and neither will I.

What is with you and Karl all of a sudden? I think you like him.

Ahaha, I like his drive. Wish I was that nasty sometimes, maybe Julie'd be gone by now if I was.

Ditto that with me. Honestly, Laurie, I'm sorry for being a whiny emo kid all over again, and I'm sorry for apologizing like a shivering twit. I want to do better, I want to change my life, I've said that hundreds of times already-- heck, thousands at this point-- but I don't seem to be getting anywhere worthwhile at my current rate. I'm finding hints and suggestions, warnings and dangerous places, but I'm just not learning fast enough. I've made some horrible mistakes and I've found some good things. I've ruined some good things and I've failed to recognize the bad things until it's too late. I've royally screwed up my life and the lives of countless others already, I've hidden under false identities, I've changed my personality more times than Cher changes her hair and I still don't know what the heck I'm doing in this world. I'm glad I have you, Laurie, and I'm glad I have all the other people I have in my life-- yes, even Karl-- but I just don't seem to be progressing. Julie keeps screwing around with me, you keep getting ticked off and with good reason, Natalie keeps getting murdered and Lynne keeps fading away when I need her. We've at least killed off Brittany and Missy, not to mention that one nameless voice, before it was too late, but our biggest problems are still staring us in the face and although I know I have the power to stop them, I'm not sure what it is yet and I'm afraid I might be too weak to use it when the time comes. I can't do that. Laurie, I need to stand up for my rights as a human being for lack of a better term, and I need to stand up for my morals and beliefs and put my foot down right on the hand of blashpemy and immorality when they come crawling to my doorstep like the filthy dogs they frankly are. I'm sick of being corrupted, I'm sick of being used. I'm sick of being ravaged by shadows with red hands and glass eyes, I'm sick of hearing vicious voices in my ear that aren't mine, I'm sick of seeing demons in hallways and I'm sick of being afraid that I'm becoming one of them myself. I miss Preludove, I miss Azurai, I miss Devonal and I miss Zeebee and I miss Dakeep and I miss everyone that saved me back then and I don't meen that in the 'I haven't seen them in years' way. I mean that because I've been taking them for granted, I've been ignoring them when they need me most and when I need them most. I've been ignoring the most beautiful and important parts of myself, the parts of me that aren't physical and keep my heart alive, the small details and the emotions and the fragile aspects that define me as a person and give me a reason to live. Laurie, I've been ignoring them and I've been ignoring you and I've been ignoring Selph and God and everyone else that tries to help me and I don't even know why because it honestly feels like this isn't even my body anymore. Hell, I'm sick of having a body. If I had a choice, I'd overexpose myself to the Master Emerald, too, and just be an energy being for the rest of my life, and to hell with immortality. When we die we die together. But that's besides the point-- I want to be in control again. I want to kick these demons out of my head, I want to sweep the cobwebs out of my heart, I want to fill up this void in my mind and find what motivates me again. I want to tell my dreams to the world and inspire everyone I meet. I want to try harder and actually get somewhere. I want to kick Julie the hell out of my head, and I want you and I and Lynne and Natalie too to be the only ones left, just us and my headgang and my monsters and my worlds and God watching over us all, without a shadow in sight. Laurie, I want to be saved, and I want that to happen as soon as possible. I've had enough of being used by the corruption in this world, and I just want to be a light again. I want my salvation. I just want some salvation.

...Wow.

Sorry about the words. I just... had to write that. Couldn't help it.

No, it's... geez, Jewel. You haven't done that in ages. Thank you.

For what?

For letting yourself shine through for once! That's what I've been trying to get you to do for the past few years, and then here you go and bleed all over the page.

I bleed, therefore I am?

Possibly. Barry would be proud.

Meh, maybe. He's just happy chopping stuff.

Speaking of chopping, we'd better end this bloody thing.

In a minute.

In a-- why? It's already 1:17, come on.

Wait, I want to talk about taking things for granted.

Why?

Because. I just got another figurative slap in the face in that respect, although it was entirely unintentional.

What happened now?

Just... a small thing. But it hit me again, how I take people for granted.

Like your sister?

Like my sister... like Jimmy, and Ben, and Jacob. Like all my friends. Like Ammie.

Like Alexandria, and Cassandra, and Lyndzee, and Stephanie...

All right, now, that hurts a lot.

It's supposed to. You were young then, you didn't know, you didn't think. Now I want you to hurt for that, and learn your lesson as many times as you have to.

Oh please, Laurie, I'm tired of my Thanatos hands. I'm tired of figuratively killing off--

You're not killing them off, Jewel. Some of them just leave.

How many of them? Two? Think about it, Laur! I can't help but feel that I somehow played a rather major part in the sufferings of these people, and God help me but I don't even know how.

Then maybe you didn't. Your guys, their fates were written before you even saw their faces for the first time.

Still hurts.

I know.

It still hurts, because I just seem to know how to pick 'em, you notice? Freakin' Rorschach, I thought he would be okay, and then he just had to go and die like that and I ended up sobbing like an idiot in my living room for longer than I can remember.

You loved him.

You know what? Yeah, I did love him. Just like I loved Davy and Grievous and Barry and Godot. Hell, I even loved Nightcrawler when I first met him. I still do! I still love every one of those guys! Point is, Laurie, I love people far too easily, and then it's far too easy for me to hurt them, even if they don't even acknowledge me. Point is, I connect far too hard, and then when my strings start to tear at my heart I'm wondering why the hell I'm bleeding all over the walls! Tony Bennett knew what he was talking about when he wrote that song and I ended up hearing it in this crazy game of life-- I fall in love too easily, too genuinely, too fast, too unconditionally, too blindly, and then when the repurcussions start hitting, I don't know what to do. I take these people for granted-- family, friends, soulbonds, muses, everyone that ever meant anything to me-- and it doesn't hit me just how much they mean to me until it's too late! Damn it, Laurie, but I never even told my sister that I loved her until she was gone. Do you have any idea how much that breaks my heart?

I thought you didn't break, you glacier.

Oh, stop smiling, you know I don't. But I'm coming far too close these days, and I'm scared of what will happen when that last fracture hits a pressure point and I finally shatter.

Really, Jewel. Stop being a hypocrite.

Why, what did I say now?

When you were younger you were always talking about your broken heart, your shattered heart, your glass heart. Now you just say it's cracked and walk off like it's made of ice. How the hell could you cry if you were frozen on the inside?

You remember that dream I had last year. You remember what they said about me.

Powers of ice, soul of fire. Yeah. But the heart point still stands. What the hell happened there?

I don't know. I guess I was just too naive back then. Overreacted. But seriously, when I look back and think about all of it, I think that if my heart had really broken at least once, I would have reacted much stronger than I had to things. I've been cracked and shot at and held too tightly, yeah, but I haven't collapsed into a glimmering disaster of bloody shards. I almost have, several times, and lately I've been mentally shattering from the traumas I've been going through, but my heart's still holding together somehow.

Are you sure you're not naive now? What if you're like those people with heart attacks, and you've already had your heart broken several times now but never noticed?

I would have noticed.

Are you sure? There's never a guarantee, you know.

...That's true. I don't know, really. I don't think so, but... geez, I can't be sure.

S'okay. We're off topic anyway.

That we are. By the way, I'm sorry for taking you for granted too.

Huh? Why?

Because of what you said earlier-- much earlier. You care more than I realize, you help me more than I realize. I think I would have lost nearly every battle with Julie so far if you haven't been helping.

All right, now you're giving me too much credit. I'm not the only one upstairs who's aiding you in this.

Yeah, but who's been the biggest influence? Who's the reason Mofo and Bogardus are even keeping up the pep talks and crazy Baptist warning sermons? You are, Laurie, because not only are you brave enough and confident enough to stand up for the both of us and keep me walking straight, but you're nice enough to stay by my side even when I let you down and forget that you were never promised to me. I could lose you any day, just as easily as I lost Natalie, and I know you too well; you'd never return. Heck, look at me! I've been siphoning you for months without even realizing it, and half the time you don't even speak up, even though I know you're pissed off at me. Laurie, I don't want you to die. You remember that time with my psychiatrist.

Yeah, I remember that. I think that was proof that you weren't taking me for granted, though.

Well, that was the first time it hit me. I realized, "oh my gosh, if I lose her, what am I going to do?" I had never really considered the harsh reality of maybe losing you forever, and that hit me like a train of bricks.

With a grenade in it.

With five grenades in it, seriously. But I am sorry. I really should have spoken up sooner.

Nah, it's okay. Besides, I haven't said the same to you yet.

Really?

Really. I've told you why I'm here; I'm here to protect you, and I'm not doing that because it's my job or anything. I'm here because I'm part of you, but I stayed here because I care. I met you in that dream and I saved you from that hell because I knew you were a good person and I still do, no matter how many mistakes you make and how many times you lose. You always try, even if you don't succeed, and you care far too much for your own good. It ticks me off when you put yourself down every time I try to drag you back up, and I know my methods aren't the best but God knows they work, and that's what matters to me. I don't want to lose you either, all right? I'm your favorite headvoice, and so help me but I'm going to live up to that title if it kills me.

Don't go that far, Laurie.

Heheh... all right. If you say so.

Well, that was sudden.

What, the whole conversation?

Yeah. I think I needed that, though.

As did I. But you also need sleep.

Aw, geez. 2AM again.

Time to listen to stupid reggae, huh?

I could, but I'd much rather listen to this Debussy sonata and go to sleep with that in my head instead of some guy angsting over getting caught by the fuzz.

I bet Karl could play this violin solo.

I bet he could. I also bet he'd stab me if I tried to compliment him on it.

I am going to laugh so hard if you two hook up or something.

It'll never happen, Laurie. I swear.

Pinky swear?

Won't work no more.

Good, you got the reference.

Hey, violent knight on the edge of your knife.

Silent night for the rest of your life!

I'm getting chest pain again.

Well then, get the hell to bed, unless Karl just stabbed you. In that case, get your ass to an emergency room.

It might be a little hard to explain that I was stabbed by a statue.

It might be even harder to explain that your favorite headvoice just stabbed you because you wouldn't shut the hell up and get to bed.

Yeah, that might be tough. That's another reason why I don't bring you guys up to psychiatrists anymore; they just don't understand.

That's probably a major source of your problems, though. You need to talk about Julie.

Well geez, what am I supposed to say? "My stepsister mindrapes me every time I try to sleep?"

Not just you, either. And she's not your stepsister, thank God.

Well, it's easier to believe than "my headvoice does all this shit to me..."

Hey, watch the mouth, you spaz.

I love how we alternate that line. I just love how paradoxical we are.

Yeah, it's pretty funny. Blame Chaos for that nickname of yours, though.

Oh yes. Can't forget that.

But seriously, get to bed.

Wait, we need a good ending line first.

I got one. Go die in New Jersey.

Also, listen! I rattle!

*rattlerattlerattlerattlerattle*

All right, now that's just creepy.

Hey, headvoices get special creepy powers too. Now get the hell to bed before I stab you with my bird-knife.

All right, all right!