“Prefer nothing, absolutely nothing, to the love of Christ.”

— St. Benedict

It is, objectively, the only thing worth anything, in any world. The love of Christ is the only real thing, the only true thing. It is beauty and joy itself. It is the foundation of all existence. It is the sole and root desire of your entire heart. You were created for and from it.

If you have His Love, you have everything.

“I assure you that God is much better than you believe. He is content with a glance, a sigh of love.”

— St. Therese of Lisieux

This is both incomparably sweet and achingly tender. What a God we serve! What love He has for us– for you, personally, specifically, intimately! How He yearns for communion with us, for the tiniest return, from His beloved children. Just a glance, just a sigh, and I am sure He sings! Wouldn’t you, from the one you adore? Do you understand, even just a little, the purest beauty and ardor of the Heart of Our Lord? How can we not fall in love, too, knowing this?

“Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering.”

— Elisabeth Elliott

This speaks volumes. God IS Love. His Love is true Love. Therefore, if His Love accepts and thrives even within suffering and pain, tragedy and trials, we have to love others in the same way. And isn’t that joyous, truly? Real Love is so powerful that it does not need to be protected from dangers– it overcomes them all, facing them outright with open arms, and transmuting them into opportunities to prove His glory– despite nothing, through everything.

So remember this. God’s Love may not deliver you from struggle– it does not need to. That struggle is no threat to Love. Instead, He meets you there, victorious and compassionate, embracing it all, you and your pain both, and so saturating even your darkest moments with purest Light.

"Should the soul say to those who forcefully seized it, “Release me, that I might repent a bit,“ no one will any longer pay him heed. Rather his fearful and relentless escorts will answer him: “When you had time at your disposal you did not repent, and yet now you intend to repent? When the stadium was open for all, you did not wrestle in any of the spiritual matches, yet now when all of the doors have been closed and the time for the matches has passed, do you want to enter into combat? Did you not hear what the Lord said, “Watch, therefore, for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come?”
Think about these and similar things, my beloved, and struggle all of the time to maintain unextinguished the lamp of your soul through works of virtue, until the Bridegroom comes and finds you ready to go with Him to the bridal chamber of the heavens, together with all of the other pure souls who also conducted themselves in the present life in accordance with His Holy Will."
- The Evergetinos, from St. Ephraim

Procrastination will murder your soul. Punctuality is a virtue. Do good now– right now, however small. It is still virtue! Pennies add up to a fortune, raindrops add up to an ocean, with persistence and faith and the grace of God. A few tiny loaves and fish can feed thousands by His Hands. Do not despair, but persevere in doing good. Start now.

Fight off every temptation; always resist them and strive to uproot their roots even when off the battlefield. Say prayers in every spare moment, even a few seconds, even just the Name of Jesus. Saturate all those tiny empty spaces with God. Carry a Bible, read a verse whenever you can. It will grow on & in you. Carry a rosary, pray it even if only in short bursts. Carry sacramentals and remind yourself of their present reality & truth. If you have even two spare minutes, stop at a church and pray or adore the Blessed Sacrament. Yes, even for only a minute! Make this a habit. Alongside this, watch a Mass or do Adoration online whenever you can. Say the Liturgy of the Hours, even if you can only manage one hour at first. Set an alarm for it. Smile at a stranger you’d otherwise avoid or ignore. Be a little extra patient and kind. Make a phone call, write a letter, say hello. Share a meal. Buy a gift. Visit the sick, the aged, the afflicted. Visit a grave. Do good always and everywhere, in the spirit of Christ, Who lovingly & mercifully helped all who came to Him. Be merciful. Strive to be holy.

All we have, by grace, is this moment. The next is a gift from God’s Hands, and on until we die. Are you using this moment gratefully, for Him? Are you sanctifying your actions with holy love & service? You are in the Stadium of Life now– are you watching from the stands, or are you wrestling in the ring? Yes you may fail & fall at first, but so what! There is no final judgment call until the end, when the King returns for you! Will He be satisfied with your persevering efforts to earn His Crown at last, despite all your weakness and frailty? For He is rewarding your love, not your power– power is His alone. Will He smile at your dedication, or will He be cut to the heart at your negligence, your laxity, your dearth of fervor and devotion? Do not fear the pain, the effort, the exhaustion– it is all worth the cost. No good thing comes easily. Be a warrior for God, a soldier for Christ, against the onslaught of demonic attacks and moral relativism and your human pride. You will only regret not picking up your sword. Even a child’s effort is viewed with genuine admiration, for we see their burning heart, not their inexperienced arms. They do not fear, or even concern themselves with, the size of the task, the struggle of the fight. They know only what must be done, and without any doubt or hesitancy, they rise to face it. Childlike courage is still pure courage, and it is true, albeit immature. They will grow into a great saint, if they persist in the grace of God. But it all starts small, so small, so vitally small. Start there, with the seeds of great trees. A spark is needed to kindle even the greatest fire. Do not give up.

Fight the good fight, right now!

"Not much experience is needed to be fully aware of human weakness and to understand that human beings—and especially the young, who are so exposed to temptation—need incentives to keep the moral law, and it is an evil thing to make it easy for them to break that law. Another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection."
- Saint Pope Paul VI

Similarly, I fear women may be affected in the same manner! When a woman sees the gift of pregnancy– and by extension, the blessing of having a body that can conceive and bear a child– as something expendable and unimportant, even annoying or a hindrance, then she sees the entire reality of her womanhood as worthless. When a woman accepts and uses contraception, then she sees the miracle of sex as irrelevant… truly, she doesn’t see it at all. When sex becomes separated from conception, there can only be disaster, for you have mangled and sliced up the natures of your own bodies. Affection, care, tenderness, reverence, and deep love all vanish when the seed of life is stomped upon. When the blessing of children is labeled as a curse, then sex itself becomes a curse, too– something disfigured beyond recognition, bringing only death.

This is why sex and marriage must be united, never separated, just as sex and conception must be revered as one and the same. The family unit is a reflection of God, of the love and relationship of the Trinity, so perfectly seen through God’s tender work in the Holy Family. Marriage must emulate this beautiful example. Sexuality must be so respected and honored. Children, the natural fruit of the womb, must be equally cherished and never cut off. This all begins with how we see the disturbing phenomenon of artificial contraception, produced and used solely for the sake of turning sex into an empty and dirty play-thing instead of recognizing it as an inherently sacred and intimate act of life.

We must never understate the absolutely central significance of this issue to the very heart of society and human culture as a whole.

“The most important person on earth is a mother. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral—a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby’s body— The angels have not been blessed with such a grace. They cannot share in God’s creative miracle to bring new saints to Heaven. Only a human mother can. Mothers are closer to God the Creator than any other creature; God joins forces with mothers in performing this act of creation… What on God’s good earth is more glorious than this; to be a mother?”
- Venerable Jozsef Cardinal Mindszenty

Reflect on this awe-inspiring reality for a moment, a truth we take for granted and tragically forget the holiness of... every soul incarnate on this earth is here because of a mother. Women are the gates of love through which God sends life into the world. Yes, a man must unite with her as a key, but this beautiful cooperation serves to further dignify both! The man who unlocks and the woman who opens are both reverently, wonderfully dignified in the work of God, Who gives them a child through that gate of love.

But oh, what a marvel is motherhood. Nothing else on earth can do what a mother does: to form a human body to house a human soul. And-- do we truly grasp the gorgeous gravity of it?-- she forms that tiny body from her own body, from the materials that her own cathedral consists of. As she breathes and builds her own temple, as we all do daily, she now naturally takes from those same sacred resources and, with God's invisibility perfect direction, gives them up to God for the sake of sheltering another soul. This deeply loving sacrifice of life is so amazing, so worthy of the greatest respect! Every mother works with the Master Architect Himself, the One Who knits bone and sinew and blood all together, by giving her womb as His workshop of wonders, and there He gives us life anew. Life! Real, fragile, true, breathing and blessed with a heartbeat-- a baby. What joy.

Yes, what suffering too, but what is love without suffering? Do we not adore the Cross in its eternal testament to this fact? The joy is worth infinitely more than the pain. The miracle is worth any and every price to accomplish-- just ask a mother. My own mother went through so much to get me into this world, and she has never once regretted it-- indeed, she now rejoices that her sacrifices allowed for my birth to occur. She sees me and does not mourn the struggle at all; she remembers seeing my tiny face for the first time, and cherishes it to this day. She is my mother, the gate and guardian of my life, through whom God Himself put me here, and I will honor her always. Thank God for motherhood.

"Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple." (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)

Protect all children! Protect all mothers!

"Don’t worry if your heart won't respond: do the best you can. You are certainly under the guidance of the Holy Ghost, or you wouldn’t have come where you now are: and the love that matters is His for you - yours for Him may at present exist only in the form of obedience. He will see to the rest."
-C.S. Lewis

No matter how deep the desolation, God is with you.

When you feel utterly hollow, when you cannot even remember what love and joy feel like, then lift your poor ragged heart to Him nevertheless and pray– “Lord, I want to love You. I want to obey You. I want to rejoice in You. But I have no strength of my own; I cannot feel anything at all. Without Your help I am lost, and I know You do not want to lose me. So please– help me.”

Pray no matter what. “God, my heart feels empty, but I still love You. I choose to love You even if I cannot feel it. And I know You love me even if I cannot perceive it. Please give me the grace to act accordingly. Do not let me give in to despair.” Trust God, radically so, and hold on to hope like the life-raft it is.

Love is the most powerful when it is tried by fire. When love is given the opportunity to prove itself in the face of great opposition, it secretly rejoices to crush the odds. Oh, it does. Watch a dandelion bloom through solid concrete. Watch a billion breezes carve out the Grand Canyon. Love is unstoppable, by virtue of its existence– feelings don’t affect that fact whatsoever. Yes, it is wonderful and good and right to feel it, but it can and does exist outside of them at times, vital times, to show you that it will. Act upon the reality of Love, despite every obstacle, and you will soon find that it has taken up deeper roots in your heart than it ever could have otherwise.

Consider the spiritual dryness to be a form of anesthetic, if you will. God has to do deep work to plant His holiness ever the more strongly and solidly in your soul. So, at times, you won’t be able to feel things. But those are the times when the most profound growth can occur… if you cooperate with it. So, beloved, do not fear. Do not despair. Hope carries you like a mother, Faith protects you like a father, Love makes you His child. Live according to that calling, no matter the numbness, and watch miracles eventually occur– for the Holy Spirit will, indeed, see to the rest.

"Remember that true holiness is accompanied by pains and tribulations from within and without, by attacks of visible and invisible enemies, by trials of body and mind, by desolations and prolonged aridities; “and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution” (2 Tim. iii. 12) —that is to say, all sorts of trials from demons, from men, and from our rebellious flesh. Be generous, and remember that you ought to walk in the footsteps of your Redeemer. We must not serve God for the sake of His consolations, but because He is worthy of being served."
-St. Paul of the Cross

I’ve been reflecting on this frequently lately, and taking note on how it feels in my heart, with the immense struggles, pains, trials, & confusions I have been recently afflicted with.

When love is deep, true and honest, consolations are cherished indeed but not sought. It’s so wondrous. True love will and does love the beloved for their own dear sake– not because of any gain, recompense, acknowledgement, or even personal comfort.

I love God, and when He lays His Hand upon my life in suffering, I may indeed become frustrated and frightened because I feel lost and helpless, but does this make me angry at God? No! Do I spurn Him? Never! I instead realize all the more that I need Him and must trust Him more completely. And I can only do this because I love Him.

Demonic attacks are horrific but the devil only attacks his enemies. Mental and physical trials are exhausting but Christ’s Passion gives me fortitude. Desolations and aridity feel like death itself but Life has risen from the grave and I must be faithful to that, to Him, for His sake alone. Even when I am dry as a desert in my soul, He is Living Water, and if I persist in prayer and devotion to that truth then I have a strange sort of pure satisfaction, even if I don’t get any rain. The ocean still exists, and I love it dearly, and that is enough. Yes I want it in my life, but God understands infinitely more than I. Only He knows if and when I truly need consolation. And I must surrender completely to His Holiest discretion.

I have faced a great many awful trials and will inevitably suffer more. My body and mind do throw fits and scream and wail in pain. Often my prayers are just terrible wracked sobs, “God help me; I don’t understand but I trust You; Please sustain me with Your grace,” etc. But deepest down, it’s love. Somehow, still, it persists, like flowers through concrete. Love itself is actually consolation enough. Even when my emotions tank, I know that God is Love, and that He loves me because Christ loves me, and Mary loves me by Him too, and even on my worst & empty days I want to love God and strive to act accordingly, even feebly, even if despair tells me otherwise. This simple reality of divine Love is an unfailing hope, an anchor against all storms.

I thank God for this grace and beg Him to tend it in my soul, so that pride is crushed at its inception and devils are guarded against. I weep that I am so unworthy of it. But I post this to give some gracious comfort to others in their hearts that love God too. The Holy Spirit is with us. Do not trust your feelings; many beautiful truths are intangible, yet they remain. Love for Love’s pure sake. God will do this in You. All glory be to Him!

"Our guilt begins from the point when we favorably incline ourselves toward a passion that has been observed; that is, we do not rush to acknowledge the enemy and do not arm ourselves against it with anger. On the contrary, we accept it and begin liking it, delighting in the impulse in which it appeared. This already shows that we have no objection to being familiar with the passionate, and, subsequently, enemies of God. “Because the carnal mind – the passionate - is enmity against God” (Romans 8:7)."
-St. Theophan the Recluse

Key points here:

1. Acknowledge that the passion is the enemy. Name it as such, without justification or excuse. Admit that you are inclined to this evil– don’t let pride deny it. Confessing your weakness is the first step to combating it at all.

2. Be angry at it. Be furious that such an evil is tempting you against God! If it is His enemy, it must be your enemy– no exceptions.

3. Refuse to become friendly or familiar with these passions. Turn them away at the door– don’t let them in even for a minute. They may still persist in knocking, so you must persist in resistance. Struggle is not failure. Fighting is your only hope of freedom.

4. Remember that, without God’s help and grace, you can do nothing. Pray always, pray earnestly, pray unceasingly.

If you too suffer great guilt from giving in to your weakness to passions, bring this before Christ with all humility, and begin the battle again with the merciful assistance of Our Lord & Lady. Do not despair! Fight the good fight of faith!

lilaccatholic: Lol literally the devil is so boring and dumb. “You’re worthless” And? Even if that were true Jesus still died for me so clearly there’s something worthwhile in there. Die mad about it.

thor-nn:

Seriously though, REMEMBER THIS.

Worthless? Never. Satan knows the God-given worth of your soul– otherwise he wouldn’t be trying so hard to steal it!! He’s a petty liar and manipulator.

Satan wants you to despair and die in sin. God wants you to trust in His infinite Mercy and live. God LOVES you; if you doubt that for a single moment, just look at the Cross. Jesus died to save you before you even knew Him, before you even cared, because He loves you that profoundly.

Remember the parable of the prodigal son. God is waiting for you on that road home, arms open, heart open. He already forgives you. You just need to open your heart to admit your need of it, and run into His saving embrace.

"I know that no one has ever seen or heard God, except the One who comes in the name of God: he has seen the Father (cf. Jn 6:46). But I also know that he speaks to me every day in my inmost depths, and I hear him in the silence that gives rise to mutual listening, the desire for communion and love. God is a light that illumines and radiates noiselessly. His flame blazes, but its brilliance is silent. God shines and blazes like a sun. He burns like a furnace, but he is inaudible. This is why I think that it is important to allow ourselves to be inundated by God’s silence, which is a voiceless word."
-Cardinal Sarah

Now that American quarantine measures are being relaxed, and summer festivities are beginning, the troubles of secular entertainment and noise and busyness are flaring up in the baleful heat. Be warned– you cannot hear God in all that chatter. Make time to sit in stillness and silence this summer, for the sake of your soul. Listen to the quietness of the Heart of God. It is the only way to survive spiritually.

“I implore you, brethren, never to break or despise the rule of this prayer: A Christian when he eats, drinks, walks, sits, travels or does any other thing must continually cry: ‘Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me.’ So that the name of the Lord Jesus descending into the depths of the heart, should subdue the serpent ruling over the inner pastures and bring life and salvation to the soul. He should always live with the name of the Lord Jesus, so that the heart swallows the Lord and the Lord the heart, and the two become one. And again: do not estrange your heart from God, but abide in Him, and always guard your heart by remembering our Lord Jesus Christ, until the name of the Lord becomes rooted in the heart and it ceases to think anything else.”
-St. John Chrysostom

This is a holy truth and it works. Only by this constant recitation of prayer can our hearts be kept on the straight and narrow, and the tempter chased away. Oh how easily our hearts get distracted and stray! But this little powerful prayer brings us home.

Abide in Him so! It is achieved by such small yet incessant rededications. Breathe His name, drink it in like water. Let it inundate you in every moment. Do not despair if you slip– just return quickly, pleading mercy, and He will embrace you again.

This works. It is achievable by all through grace and love and hope. Just think of Christ, always. Just turn your thoughts to Him whenever you can, and He will increase this frequency of visits– He will wholeheartedly requite your feeble yet honest love.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me!

"God is saying that it will be hard for believers. The more you enter into the mystery of faith, the harder it will be in this world. You will become more and more aware of the idleness of this world, the hustle and bustle, the rhythm. Music, conversation, worldly festivals will become alien to you. And the more you feel the sweetness of the spiritual, the harder you will feel the spiritual lowliness of the carnal, all that our world lives with today. But there is no need to be afraid! All things can be overcome when the Lord is near. He has overcome the world…"
-Hegumen Raphael (Bolevich)

Despite my great sinfulness and unworthiness, I can attest to this– it is indeed so hard to dwell in the carnal world now that my soul has tasted, however briefly, the sweetness of the spiritual! It frustrates me to tears, the progressively more alien world and its desires, both without and within. I frustrate myself to tears, when I do not enter into the mystery of faith as frequently and fully as I truly yearn to. Sometimes this hardness, and my weakness, drains me almost to despair. But I must not. There is one undying Hope, and that is Christ my Lord! He can, and has, overcome all things. I must meditate on that. Christ has overcome the world… what does that mean to my soul? It means this hardness cannot and will not last. Only Christ endures. In the end, and even now, He triumphs. With that thought in my poor heart, I can carry on.

“We are at times reduced to a material or animal perseverance, or even to simply being there, like a rock, without really knowing why, nor to what purpose. It is like a narrow room without light or air. Still, one goes on by a sort of gravitational law. Later, one realizes that perseverance is a pure grace, independent of any personal merit. Then, the Spirit once again breathes life into our dried bones; we get up and go on.”
-(A Carthusian)

Perseverance is a pure grace.

Lord, what a terribly wonderful truth that is. When we have nothing left, when we are hollow and empty and lost, God is still there, and He alone lifts us up, and because of Him we go on.

When I hit rock bottom, and I cannot so much as lift my head on my own, I will cling to this truth. I will cling to grace. It is all I have left, and it is all I need. God alone is sufficient. Hope does not disappoint.

Dear followers,

I once again beg you for spiritual advice and clarity.

I am struggling with great despair. I am currently convinced, terrifyingly, that God hates me due to my “being made of evil” and my many repetitive sins. I keep seeing the devil’s number, and every time I open the Bible to read a verse it is about damnation, punishment, and eternal death. My soul feels corroded and filthy. I cannot feel the Presence of God, nor can I hear Jesus anymore. It’s all cursing and shouting devils. Even my sleep is plagued by horrific nightmares about hell.

I am so scared. I feel that my final judgment has been passed. But I need God’s grace TO be good and obedient; I am so wretched I CANNOT do anything but sin. I am hopeless. I have become so selfish, hot-headed, cold-hearted, and stupid. How did this happen?? Is this the real me? I feel like God is so utterly disgusted by my lukewarm hypocritical excuse for faith that He has slammed the door, spit me out of His mouth, said “I do not know you” and thrown me into the dark to wail and sob forever.

I apologize for such an ugly post on such a beautiful day. But I cannot enjoy the beauty of creation today when my monstrous existence is tainting it by even looking out the window. All around me I see the consequences of my sins. I cannot bear it.

I need help, desperately, and right now I don’t know how to pray. I’m afraid and this is the only thing I can do right now.

I do not deserve anything but revulsion. And yet here I am begging for scraps of compassion, pleading for mercy. I cannot help it. My state is intolerable. I have this last dreg of hope and that’s it.

The Resurrection of Lazarus (La résurrection de Lazare), James Tissot

 

I love this depiction so much. Look at the body language of Jesus compared to everyone else! It’s so striking.

Martha & Mary are both wide-eyed in fear, one falling back in genuine shock, the other stunned speechless. Those gathered behind Christ, dramatically lit, are also visibly perplexed and agitated, mouths agape, their faces ghastly. Lazarus himself, a dead man now living again, reaches out almost blindly with one bandaged arm and raises the other above his eyes– a clear gesture of wonder, of utter amazement. His expression, too, although unafraid, is still intense with emotion, his bright eyes and open mouth almost childlike in their rebirthed joy.

And then there is Jesus. The only figure in a stable position, vertical like a shaft of light, wreathed by a doorway like a portal to heaven itself, he stands in transcendent white like the resurrected Lazarus below, with only his peaceful face and powerful hand highlighted by singular shocks of mysteriously Incarnate red. His other hand is resting gently on rock, His feet are moving calmly yet encouragingly forwards as if to greet a friend, His body as a whole– as well as the luminous folds of His robe– are pointed in the direction of the rising dead, and yet He is still obviously unmoving, anchored on the steps, unshakable.

Lazarus faces an unseen light, its beauteous yet blinding gleam washing over the rest of the scene with a shockingly unnatural glare, an unexpected underlight that turns all other faces into hollow skulls– except for Jesus. The light is somehow soft on Him, but it does not soften the strength of His expression, which is notably solemn and serious amidst the likely shrieking crowd. Thus, here, where we may be seeking the comfort of a smile on our Savior’s face, to match the brightness of Lazarus, of the miracle occurring at His Word, we must instead recall a significant detail… Jesus has just been weeping. He is not smiling, not now, because until this very moment His friend has been dead. Lazarus has been in the tomb for four days, and although Hope Himself has now come to lift him out again, that Hope cannot fully manifest unless it has faced the threat of despair. We all know this. What is hope, if not for what we cannot see? What could we hope for, if we had nothing yet out of reach? No one but Christ truly believed He could do anything. Magdalene was distraught, Martha wavered even after professing her faith in Him, and others openly mocked Him! Christ did not despair, but everyone else did. Yes, Jesus knows very well that death has no power over Him, and He even proclaimed it openly prior to this scene, but above and beyond the doubt surrounding Him is the simple truth that this fact has not yet affected Lazarus, not until this very depicted moment, and so a special sort of grief has its very tender and proper place in the heart and eyes of Christ. He does not condemn human emotion. Yes, He condemns their lack of faith, but He empathizes with their pain nevertheless. Death still exists, however conquered it may be in the end. Yes, Lazarus will rise, but he is dead now, and for the honest sake of that moment we grieve. He grieves. This is profound. His tears for His dead friend speak volumes, as they were shed by Life Incarnate, even only minutes before the tomb would be opened. And thus His face here reflects that lingering truth, that divinely loving sorrow that motivated such a miraculous intervention, that single sentence– Jesus wept– that can change our lives just as much as they did the life of Lazarus.

Our own ‘resurrections’ in this life might not always be pretty, but they are blessed, and they are joyous. Jesus may not be smiling as He calls with thundering voice– “Lazarus, come out!”– but He loves us with an infinite love even then. He may not embrace us as we rise, covered in bandages and dusty from the grave, but He holds us tenderly in His Heart even then. Jesus brought life to the dead even through His own tears, even despite the disbelief of all around Him. He can do the same for you. If we believe in Him, we, too, can see the glory of God. There is always hope.

Collect for the Crown of Thorns - Friday after Ash Wednesday
 

Grant, we beseech Thee, almighty God, that we who for remembrance of the pas-sion of our Lord Jesus Christ do reverence His Crown of thorns on earth may deserve to be crowned with glory and honour in heaven by Him Who liveth and reigneth with thee.

“Soberbia” means pride, grandeur, worldly magnificence, arrogance… it is the strut of the peacock, it is the hand-fan of sophistry, it is the decadent fashion from which the devil’s awful claw protrudes. Yet what fate awaits him and his shallow pomp? He is doomed to be trampled underfoot by the Lord, by his angel bearing the true sign of powerful glory– the Crown of Thorns! O what a wondrous paradox: that God’s own Son was pleased to be dignified by suffering, to show His nobility through humiliations, to conquer through submission to the mysterious yet loving authority of His Father! This Crown now becomes His gift to all His children who wish to conquer the devil’s vices in their own lives. Let us all become accustomed to its beloved stings during this Holy Lent, that we may be more truly outfitted to join Him in carrying His Cross.

“A religion is not the church a man goes to but the cosmos he lives in.”

G.K. Chesterton

Modern society doesn’t seem to comprehend this. Religion is not an accessory, an interest, or something you do on weekends. Religion is the air that our heart breathes. It animates us entirely and colors our thoughts, emotions, and actions. Religion directs our dreams, fears, motives, and pursuits. Religion explains our life, our death, and what comes after. And it does all this by explaining to us our proper relationship to God, and by extension, to His Creation, especially our fellow man.

Religion is, indeed, the cosmos we live in– the order to our chaos, the grand and beautiful design that holds all things together. Religion, like love, is a state of being.

Do you recognize this? Do you honor religion so? Or do you treat it fatally lightly? Indeed, if you have no religion, what, then, is the cosmos you live in? Or do you let this chaotic world determine that for you?

“By His Resurrection, Christ conquered sin and death, destroyed Satan’s dark kingdom, freed the enslaved human race and broke the seal on the greatest mysteries of God and man.”

—St Nikolaj Velimirovic

The Harrowing of Hell– its fact, and its depictions– mean so much to my weary soul. As someone plagued daily by demons of mental illness, I frequently feel as if I am genuinely in a sort of pseudo-hell while still on earth. Therefore, I just as frequently cry out to my God, my merciful and loving Lord, to “come and harrow this hell I am in”– to break it up entirely, to disturb its very nature by entering it and thus to deliver me into His infinitely consoling arms.

It is a simple, strange, desperate prayer, but it is a powerful one. And it has not once gone unanswered. 🙏

My grandma has the news on and they just had an ad for an upcoming film, and I am in shock, in tears and trying hard not to legitimately vomit.

We Catholics NEED to speak out and stand strong against films like this-- films that are horrifically offensive towards the Catholic Faith, and serve to not only undermine its integrity in culture, but also blatantly attack it at its heart. This is sick. Hollywood needs to stop waging war against Christ, especially as it simultaneously promotes and praises new-age, paganistic religions and any other spiritual mindset that supports or cooperates with it in turn.

DO NOT watch such films. Don't even watch the commercials. Avert your eyes; safeguard your heart against such toxic imagery and ideas. Pray. Pray fervently for the conversion of sinners and this country, for defense and healing of the Church, and especially in reparation for sins committed against the Sacred and Immaculate Hearts!!

“I used to think you had to be special for God to use you, but now I know you simply need to say yes.”

—Bob Goff, Love Does

God uses the lowly, poor, and humble best, for they are not weighed down by pride and egotism and self-glory– they are not hindered by the desire to be “special”!

To simply say “yes” to God, without hesitation or calculation, as Mary did in her beautiful “fiat,” is all you need to do in order for God to use you… Indeed, it is the only way He can use us.

"When God calls us to step out of our comfort zone, He is not calling us to be comfortable in the situation. He is calling us to be comfortable in Him in spite of the situation."
-Stacy Sanchez

This is such a vital distinction!!

God calls us out of our comfort zones on purpose– we’re not supposed to be seeking a replacement comfort when He does!! God shakes up our lives to show us how unstable, fleeting, and unreliable the things of this world intrinsically are… so that we can reanchor in Him, the Unchanging, and find our only true comfort in Him alone, the Comforter of all. It’s a holy realignment of priorities, and the process is inevitably disturbing and difficult to our worldly selves, but it is lifesaving and blissful in its purpose and end, and it remakes us into spiritual people who live for a world beyond this one.

Rejoice when God removes your worldly comforts, because you can absolutely trust that He is doing so to heal your soul.

“Grief, sorrow and distress only occur from two directions. One of it is, The desire for the worldly life and having a zeal for it. And the second is shortening in the actions of obedience and piety.”

— Ibn al-Qayyim, Uddah As-Sābirīn, p.227.
 

The two inevitably accompany each other.

Instead, be zealous and desirous for God, and decrease your disobedient impiety. Your distressing will fade away to be replaced by unfading holy joy.

...Thank you. Lord have mercy on me a sinner. But if He is calling me, then please Lord, turn up the volume, and give me the grace to return home... me, your poor prodigal daughter.


...I do forget that His love is beyond what my self-loathing (which is quite a lot of noise) can ever comprehend, and that His Presence is constant even if my poor senses cannot perceive Him.

"A person should have a firm personality that is not swept along in the direction of the world. A little fish is capable of resisting the current and swimming against it because it has life, where is a great block of timber, which is hundreds of times bigger than the fish, can be washed away with the current, since it has no will. So, have a strong personality, and this will help you to repent. The apostle says: “Do not be conformed to this world“ (Rom. 12:2)."
-Pope Shenouda III

spiritualinspiration: Are you believing God for something that seems to be taking a long time? In the natural, you may have every reason to give up on what God has placed in your heart. At times, you may be tempted to get discouraged, but remember, God knows exactly where you are. He knows the desires He’s placed within you. He knows even the hidden dreams — what the scripture calls the secret petitions of your heart. Those are the things that you haven’t told anyone about. Maybe you thought they would never work out, or you’ve buried them because they didn’t happen on your timetable. But God still has a way to bring them to pass.

Be encouraged today because God is working behind the scenes on your behalf. Delight yourself in Him — find joy in serving Him and make your heart moldable in His hands. Don’t settle for mediocrity because God knows what’s in you, and His plan is to finish the work He began in you when you delight yourself in Him!
 

I prayed to God for deliverance for an abusive situation for ten years. Ten years! And I told no one BUT Him, either, out of great fear. So I felt very alone, very unsure, doubting often whether or not God even heard me. But then, completely out of the blue one day, God DID get me out, and when He did, it was in a way and at a time that ensured I would never end up in that situation again. But that would have been impossible at any other point prior. I didn’t know that while I was praying. But He heard me. And He was going to answer me. I just never considered that there wasn’t a “proper time”, expecting an immediate response. God doesn’t always do that! But He hears, and He knows, and He acts, behind the scenes for years to make sure everything turns out for our highest good.

And so I remind myself of that a lot. I was absolutely tempted to discouragement and despair during that awful decade. But I knew that God couldn’t possibly want such a vicious situation to persist in the life of someone who sincerely loved Him, however feebly. And He didn’t. But the waiting was for my highest good, too.

Perhaps this is a different application of this faith message than was originally intended. But it’s just as powerful and true. Don’t settle for anything less than a God-saturated life! If something is holding you back from your full Christian potential, pray for deliverance! Pray fervently and constantly! If God doesn’t seem to answer right away– if He doesn’t seem to answer for years– keep praying with unflinching trust in Him anyway! Your faith is what allows Him to work in His time, in your life. Trust in His Goodness, which cannot fail. Trust in His Faithfulness, which endures forever. And trust in His Love, which embraces us always, even in our darkest days. Your Father hears your prayers. Rest in that, if nothing else. He hears you, and He loves you.

“We often confuse unconditional love with unconditional approval. God loves us without conditions but does not approve of every human behavior. God doesn’t approve of betrayal, violence, hatred, suspicion, and all other expressions of evil, because they all contradict the love God wants to instill in the human heart. Evil is the absence of God’s love. Evil does not belong to God.

God’s unconditional love means that God continues to love us even when we say or think evil things. God continues to wait for us as a loving parent waits for the return of a lost child. It is important for us to hold on to the truth that God never gives up loving us even when God is saddened by what we do. That truth will help us to return to God’s ever-present love.”

- Henri Nouwen

This is an extremely vital distinction that many people tend to miss– and in doing so, we damage both our relationship with God, and with our fellow struggling sinners on earth. Loving someone does not require approval of their poor life choices. Love means we see the value of their soul beyond those evils, and we wait for the healing and freedom of that soul, for its return to the state of pure love it was created both for and by. If we erroneously think that we can’t love if we don’t approve, we lose our ability to help the lost return home, and our own conscience will begin to decay. Furthermore, we will completely misunderstand the nature of God!

So remember this powerful distinction. God loves us, always, but He still hates the sins we commit. He disapproves of our poor choices, and rightly so, but He still loves us with an unwavering and ardent love… and He will never stop waiting for us to come home to Him, the Father watching for His prodigal children from the road, His arms and heart ever open to receive us with tearful joy.

"We have, it must be admitted, a use for anger excellently implanted in us for which alone it is useful and profitable for us to admit it, namely, when we are indignant and rage against the lustful emotions of our heart, and are vexed that the things which we are ashamed to do or say before men have risen up in the lurking places of our heart, as we tremble at the presence of the angels, and of God Himself, who pervades all things everywhere, and fear with the utmost dread the eye of Him from whom the secrets of our hearts cannot possibly be hid."

- From Book 8 of the Institutes by Saint John Cassian
 

 

I feel it is important to reiterate that this sole holy use of anger is internal, and does not rage outwards– and it is sparked by the fear and love of God, not by devilish self-destructive hatred! To loathe sin and be ashamed of it is good and desirable; to loathe ourselves is not, for Christ loves us and does not want our destruction. He died to redeem us, so live in that hope, and let your love for Him kindle the righteous anger against those sins that pierce His Merciful Heart with such sorrow!

“God’s pursuit of you is always greater than your ability to wander away from him.”

Thank Him for this daily.

God, if you’ve gotta drag me back, then please do so. I am terrified of wandering away because I do and I’m so weak. But You are strong and won’t allow me to stay lost. Help me stay close to You, but when I stray… prove this quote with all Your might!!

“Everyone that is close to the Lord, the enemy attacks.”

The enemy attacks with hatred. Satan wants to make us suffer if we draw close to God, as a vitriolic vengeance against his Creator, who he refuses to submit to and wants no one to submit to. Hence all the wiles and schemes to get people to rebel through sin, just like every devil did and does.

Stand strong in the faith. Satan is forever at war with God, and this world is the battlefield, and you will be wounded as long as you’re on the heavenly side of it. That’s nothing to worry about though. Christ was wounded more than anyone, and He now lives eternally! The devil cannot separate you from Christ, no matter how he tries, no matter how much you may bleed at his hateful hands. God is still victorious, and Christ is still at your side. So smile and endure with a peaceful, patient heart. You wouldn’t be a target if you weren’t marked for heaven.
 

“Are they not therefore foolish who, for momentary delights, bind themselves to so many perpetual evils?”

— St. Gregory

Every sin has consequences. Sin itself has the ultimate consequence of death. Sinful behavior rebels against God’s will and God’s love, and in choosing to sin– even if such behavior is “enjoyable” for a brief time– means choosing to distance ourselves ever further from God.

Sins add up. Every single one is a new link in the chain of worldly bondage. Break the chain! Forsake the momentary and choose the true– sacrifice delight and gain joy! Choose Christ and His perpetual Good– the only other option is endless wickedness.

“Even Death and Destruction hold no secrets from the Lord . How much more does he know the human heart!”

— Proverbs 15:11

This is so profound, and equally humbling. We humans don’t understand death and destruction at all. We theorize about it constantly– we study it, probe it, analyze it; we invent stories and myths about it, we are haunted by its dark reality. And yet God fully comprehends them both. We can’t even imagine! So indeed, how much more does He understand the baffling paradoxes of our hearts– how completely He understands our most confusing thoughts and complex feelings, our most troubling struggles and overwhelming concerns! All the dark places of our souls, all the shadows within us that terrify us… God knows it all, and He comprehends it.

This truth alone should motivate us all to seek His help all the more ardently in our daily trials. When we feel utterly lost and helpless, surrounded by death and destruction inside and out… then let us turn to God. He understands what’s going on, and He knows how to manage it, and He knows how to get through it, and if we ask Him, He will lovingly help us to do so.

 

'Commit this sin, and confess it afterwards.' Behold the deceitful artifice by which the devil has brought so many thousands of Christians to hell.
-Saint Alphonsus Liguori

To sin with the intention to confess later actually corrupts the conscience– it fools the heart into thinking that sin has no consequences. But confession is nullified by such brazen thoughts. Confessing is only valid, and therefore only followed by absolution, if the confessor is truly sorry for their sin, and vows firmly to amend their life. In other words, contrition and conversion are mandatory aspects of Reconciliation. If you confess a sin and intend to commit it again, your confession becomes void. Similarly, if you willingly sin and use the possibility of confession as an excuse, or a “free pass,” you not only commit a sacrilege against the Sacrament, but you also numb and harden your own soul.

Don’t ever do anything that you even might have to confess after. Let that be your true litmus test– “if I do this, will I have to confess it?” If yes, then don’t do it; no excuses!! And don’t ever try to justify your sins. There IS no justification for sin to begin with! All sin deserves death; that’s the very nature of sin. You cannot alter that. The only justification any of us sinners can ever hope to have comes through Jesus Christ– and to willingly sin, once we know this fact, is a damnable offense.

Repentance is less about confessing how horrible you are and more about confessing how glorious Christ is.

Sean Smith

This wording is tricky. Yes, we ARE “horrible,” in that we’re all hopeless sinners without God. But there’s the light– with God, we have hope! And such is repentance. When we recognize that God is not only just, but merciful, and in His love He calls us TO repent, not out of self-loathing but out of love for Him, and sorrow for acting against love… then our repentance changes from “I’m a horrible person, I can’t stand myself, I have to change my ways or else” to “I’ve done horrible things but God still forgives me; I want to live in grateful honor of Him now.”

Repentance can only stick if it’s motivated by love of God, and driven by hope in Him. Otherwise it is just an empty striving against self-hatred.
 

enchantedsuggest:

no one is ever too broken to recover. whatever’s hurting you, depression, anxiety, trauma, eating disorders, rejection, you are never a lost cause, and you deserve to feel happy, and you can get there someday.

As someone struggling with all of those things, I really needed this hope tonight. Thank you.

I’m not a lost cause. God has kept me alive thus far; He will restore my soul as He sees fit. If anything is damaging my soul, hurting my heart, keeping me from Him… He will get rid of it. He will fix me in a way that glorifies Him. That’s all that matters and that’s all I want.

yourbigsisnissi:

When we sin it doesn’t stop God from loving us. But sin does disrupt the relationship we have with God. So when you’re making the choice to sin or not, it’s not about whether or not God will hate you for it. It’s really about whether the choice to sin is more important than your relationship with God.

God hates the sin, not you. But sin pushes you away from Him. The very act of sinning turns our minds and hearts away from God, in focus and priority and worship, in every case. God will always love us and perpetually calls us to repent and return to Him, but sin deafens us, blinds us, numbs us by it’s very nature. You can feel it, literally, and it is both sickening and utterly terrifying.

So for heavens sakes PLEASE look at the gravity of temptation like this! “When you’re making the choice to sin or not.” It really IS that black and white. Either you’re honoring God, or you’re dishonoring Him. Either you’re acting out of love for God, or you’re acting in rebellion against God. Either you’re being kind and respectful and forgiving towards your neighbor, or you are being cruel and disrespectful and half-hearted towards them. There are only ever two choices and you CAN boil down everything you do, in genuine honesty, to be serving either God or the world… to be humility or pride… to be obedience or sin.

“Is your choice to sin more important than your relationship with God?” Because it really does boil down to just that. It’s just that simple, just that huge. It’s the choice between heaven and hell, on a daily basis. Choose wisely. It adds up, and one day, that tally WILL determine your permanent fate. You can’t claim to love God and then constantly trash your relationship. You can’t be His child and yet refuse to obey Him as your Father. You cannot choose to serve the world and then want to live in God’s kingdom. You must marry one or the other, as it were.

God must be the most important thing in our lives, and our every choice must reflect this priority. Think of the terror of losing Him by choosing hell, and let that motivate you to resist the devil at every turn.

God loves you. Honor and embrace that relationship. Choose Him.

“My son, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be angry when He corrects you. The Lord corrects the one He loves, just as a father corrects a child He cares about.”

— Proverbs 3:11-12

When God disciplines you, He’s just telling you that He loves you too much to leave you with your own foolishness that will destroy you in the end. 

This is why humility is required for holiness– to accept and apply the Lord’s discipline, we must be willing and able to admit that we’re fools. We make really foolish choices, we constantly end up tangled in the consequences of those choices, and inevitably we all find ourselves crying out to God, scared and helpless and ashamed and contrite, begging for mercy and deliverance, aware of and full of regret for our ignorance and folly.

All of that pain could have been avoided if we had just obeyed God in the first place.

That’s why He is, quite honestly, unflinchingly adamant and firm in His corrections. God knows how easily we fall, and how dangerous sin is, and how rampant temptation is. Satan is waging war against us, cruel and conniving. So God cannot afford to be lax in His discipline– just like training soldiers, that discipline will ultimately make the difference between life and death on the spiritual battlefield.

God loves you dearly. He is your Father, and you are His utterly beloved child. He will not take any chances with keeping you safe, and He will constantly look for ways to strengthen and instruct you in holiness, so that you continue to grow. We all start life as foolish children, but foolishness is not an inherently damning quality. It’s just a starting point. But we mustn’t stay there, or we’re easy targets for the devil and his attacks. We must move on from foolishness, and only God can show us the way… for as Scripture tells us, to fear the Lord– to honor and respect and rightly tremble at His unfathomable power and knowledge and love– is the first step on the way to wisdom.

God will free you from your fatal foolishness, if you let Him. So joyfully, gratefully accept and obey your corrections. The pain of regret lasts a lot longer than the pain of discipline, and brings only misery. But correction is a pruning of our souls, and in the end, it will make us radiant and thriving. Take heart; you are loved!!

i-walkbyfaith:

Indeed, God uses the brokenness of people to help someone in ways that they could not even imagine.

Today my struggle with mental illness had me in tears, as I feel it hinders me from doing so much for my church and my faith. I couldn’t imagine why God gave me this humiliating, frustrating, limiting cross. But He gave it. And I might never understand. All I’m called to do is live according to His Word and His Will as completely as I can, even if I am hindered in many ways. God will still use this brokenness for His glory, somehow, some way. I must have hope in that; I must be brave and persistent in faith. Otherwise despair will kill me.

God uses the broken and humble, not the proud and powerful. If my mental illness is able to make me what God wants me to be, then so be it. I’ll trust in Him. God just grant me the grace to turn to You in my weakness, always. Use me and my crosses for Your greater good, please. That’s all I’ll ever want.

Be real with God, even if it’s ugly. Lay it down at His feet.

Be real with God, ESPECIALLY if it’s ugly! He alone will not condemn you for your honesty in such an awful matter– instead, in your humble confession, in your surrender to His mercy, He will show you mercy.

God already knows. God knows it’s ugly and He knows it hurts and He knows you are ashamed and afraid and would rather deny that ugly thing than admit that it exists, so blatantly and regretfully, in your life. He knows, so don’t hide. Surrender, and you will find peace at last. Open up, show it to Him, and then let Him heal you of that ugliness, however He wishes to. Give it to God, don’t take it back, and watch Him work miracles in your life.

The sin that is most destructive in your life right now is the one you are most defensive about.

Tim Keller

We defend those sins because, in one way or another, we want to commit them. We fear letting them go– we fear living without them, fear the vast freedom Christ calls us to. We are so used to living in our little jails that we consider them ‘comfy’ and familiar…and forget how beautiful true life is outside of them– we forget that Christ is infinitely better.

The very act of defending a sin makes it the most destructive– because that means it has its hooks in our hearts, and it will eat us alive if we continue to keep it in such close company. Make the courageous choice to surrender, to NOT defend it, even just once– to instead admit you are afraid, and addicted, and weak, and in need of repentance and salvation– choose humility instead of pride, and watch the shackles begin to fall, by the grace of God.

koinohnia:

If you want to love Jesus, you have to stop degrading yourself and seeing yourself as some sexual object or tool for someone to want or use because you’re worth more than that. Jesus purchased you with His life, so that you could belong to only Him.

As someone recovering from years of nightmarish sexual sin, trauma, and toxicity, I need to be reminded of this constantly.

I am not an object, I am not a toy, I am not a pet or a plaything or a pleasure cruise. I am not a consumable object. I do not exist to entertain those who “love” me for what I can do for them.

I belong to Christ. I was created for Christ. I will live for Christ, and no one else. If I am worth anything, it is only through Christ… and He has called me to be His beloved child. That is more than the entire world can ever offer… and it also means I am worth more to God than I can ever imagine.

Jesus loves me, and sees the truth in me. If I want to truly love Him in return, I must accept His love for me, or else my sin-twisted feelings of unworthiness and self-hatred will push me away from Him… and will make me treat myself abusively in turn. Imagine how that hurts Him– He who died for love of me, to purge those terrors from me, to make me whole and wholly His own– to see me treating myself so unkindly! If I say I love Him, I must not hurt Him… and if I hurt someone He loves, it hurts Him terribly.

I am someone He loves.

Remember that always.

“Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there, but all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain from the fallen nature of fallen men, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that. I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless! Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen. When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, ‘That’s meaningless!’ It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory. Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his Word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.”

— John Piper (via newlifepureheart)

So many people take offense to the truth that “everything happens for a reason,” but this quote expands upon that truth powerfully.

Everything that we experience in our lives comes from the will of God, either directly or through allowance. God is not directly responsible for the evil deeds of humans, but He does allow them the free will to choose evil… and then, He opens doors for His Glory to be proclaimed in beautiful victory over that evil. Good will always prevail in the end, for God is forever victorious. But to share in His victory now, we MUST face our sufferings with trust in God and His Good Purposes, or we will drown in confused blind despair.

In the end, all our mortal pains will be as dust in His hands. He will wipe our tears away and welcome us into the everlasting joy of His Kingdom, of His Presence. Trust Him now… for this is not the end of the story. Even if we don’t understand, we have faith in Him, and we use every experience to grow closer to Him until we finally meet Him face to face. Do not lose heart.
 

crownedbythelord:

Today I just realized again that all I need is God. No matter what happens, he is there to catch me. He is there - with his love, strength, peace, faithfulness, holiness - I can’t describe how beautiful it is to live in his presence. I can’t describe how thankful I am to have him and to belong to him. The moment I step out of his presence I am lost. But thank God, my shepherd always knows where to find me. I love you Jesus.

cheeryblueheart: Amen. I needed to Read this today. I don’t want to exist Outside of Christ.

I don’t ever want to exist outside of Christ, either… and by His Grace, I pray that I never ever will. Outside of Christ it is literally hell.

And that is the paradox of this life. Truly, we cannot exist outside of Christ– but in this fallen world, it can sure feel like we do. Sin distances us from Christ, giving us a real taste of Hell, and of its horrifying existential emptiness and terror. But when we have been burnt by sin’s flames, and chilled by sin’s desolation, we are blessed beyond comprehension to have, in this mortal life, the chance to turn around and run back Home… to step back into the Presence of God, of our Good Shepherd, Jesus Christ, who is waiting for us with open arms of eternal love… and who, indeed, is always closer than we think, even in the depths of our misery.

No matter what happens, Jesus is there. He holds us close to His Heart, and we belong to Him forever. The Father gave us to Him and nothing can take us out of His arms. (John 10:29)

I, too, am grateful to the point of tears that God is always there, that I belong to Him, and that with Him I am never lost. He is all I have, all I could ever want, and all that I will ever need, forever.

 

“If God gives you a few more years, remember, it is not yours. Your time must honor God, your home must honor God, your activity must honor God, and everything you do must honor God.”
-A.W. Tozer

As someone in recovery from both serious trauma and serious sin, this is vitally important.

Everything I do must honor God. This is only right and just– He could have let me rot and die in my brazen sins. But He didn’t– He mercifully and powerfully saved me. Not only that, but I still haven’t died from my own stupidity, and that is due to His good grace alone. The simple fact that God has me held so completely in His hands, is astounding. I’m humbled and struck by holy fear. In recognition of that, there is only one thing I want… and that is, indeed, to praise and thank and honor Him, admitting my sinful frailty and begging for the mercy to continue to repent and serve Him.

God, give me the grace, for Your sake!!

 

"The devil attacks some people more and others less. We can never know how dramatic the situation in each person's heart may be... It's amazing how we can disguise our passions as virtues..."

We must never make excuses for our own sins. We must never try to justify our failings. We must never look at our struggles with sin and try to stick a proud label onto it. So we might not share a certain temptation or sinful inclination or weakness with our fellow in faith. So what? They do not share many of ours either. But we both struggle, and we are both sinners. There is no merit or praise to be had here. We cannot pretend that the devil’s decisions are any credit to us. He attacks us all– we have no right or reason to judge others based on the percieved manner or frequency of such warfare.

In short: be humble. Your neighbor is still fighting the devil. Have mercy. God forbid you condemn them for “being more tempted than you,” only to suddenly face more temptations than ever! Humble yourself or you will be humbled… and for the proud, the process will be humiliating.

 

inchrist: The hardest thing about living a Christian life isn’t going to church, praying, receiving the sacraments, or reading scripture. It’s learning to forgive those who made your life hell and dissolving the grudge you hold against them.

dragonpuppies: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” is one of those things a lot of Christians get told as a kid and never really think about, which is a shame because when you do think about it, it’s the most flooring, impossible, life-altering command. 

caffeinatedcatholic: During my very first confession about a month before my confirmation, I told my priest about my grandfather, who was a protestant pastor and a pedophile who molested me all through my childhood, and about all the anger and sinful habits that resulted from it.

My confessor is such a kind a thoughtful priest and I love him, but the penance he gave me was the hardest I’ve ever ever done.

He told me to say 3 Our Fathers for my grandfather. My grandfather died shortly after I came forward about the abuse, of a heart attack. My priest said it doesn’t matter that he’s dead. It doesn’t matter that he’s probably in hell, it doesn’t matter where he is in the afterlife at all. Because my penance is for me, for my healing.

We don’t pray bc God needs to hear us say certain things, we don’t even pray for His benefit at all. It’s for ours. It’s for our healing, for our reconciliation, for us to draw our spirits close to His.

My priest told me, “Pray for him. Especially where the Our Father says, ‘And forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us.’ Your prayer won’t affect your grandfather, wherever he is, and it doesn’t need to. Your penance is for you, to help you let go and forgive.”

It took me an hour to say my penance. I was shaking with anger and fear and resentment, with the ache of longing to let it go. Especially since I spent a majority of my childhood praying and begging God to let him be in hell bc if he was somehow in heaven, I didn’t want to go.

And I finally did my penance and honestly nothing magical happened. It hurt a lot. I still try to pray for him and it still goes against everything in me. It’s a lot of work. But little by little I’m letting go, and it’s one less thing that I have to drag around with me every day.

Praying for your persecutors, your abusers, it’s freaking hard. And obviously not everyone is in the same situation as me and praying for your persecutors may actually also help them and be a turning point in their lives. Or it might not do anything for them. We dont know God’s will for their lives or the states of their hearts. But we know God wants us to give up our hate. Praying for your enemies will soften your heart, it makes you humble and lighter and kinder. Praying for your enemies is a conversion. Deny yourself.

This is such an important addition; thank you sincerely for sharing.

Our prayers and penance cannot change the past. Nor can it change the hearts of our enemies– only God can do that. But sincerely praying for them absolutely changes our hearts. It completely shifts the focus of our thoughts and emotions, rerouting us to humility and faith and mercy, instead of being stuck in lethal hardness and bitterness. God demands that His children strive to live in obedience to Him, and in honor to Him, and we cannot do either of those things by holding on to hatred.

“Praying for your enemies is a conversion.” We must remember this. God will heal our hearts, if we meet Him there. However long it takes, no word is wasted, if it springs from faith and humility.

And above all, remember Christ, who died for us while we were still absolutely degenerate sinners, so that we could be absolved and forgiven and restored to friendship with Him. Remember this, this love that He has for you AND your abuser, this great desire He has to save and absolve BOTH your souls. You cannot save your abuser, but Christ can, and your praying to forgive them is going to help your salvation too… because it is helping realign your heart to imitate Christ’s. We’ve all sinned, we all deserve just punishment, but Christ offers mercy. Remember this, and humbly pray for your enemies. See their souls as separate from their sins– forgiveness does not justify their behavior, but it does allow for the possibility of change, even if only in your mind, from a toxic person to a healthy one. See that hope, even if they are no longer alive. Pray for mercy for them. Pray for the grace to will the best for them. Pray as Christ wants us to pray– for God’s will to be done, but also to forgive and be forgiven in turn. And in all this, Christ will teach you to honestly love all. I’m sure.

I apologize if this is rambling. My heart is just moved very strongly about all this.

 

inchrist: The hardest thing about living a Christian life isn’t going to church, praying, receiving the sacraments, or reading scripture. It’s learning to forgive those who made your life hell and dissolving the grudge you hold against them.

dragonpuppies: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” is one of those things a lot of Christians get told as a kid and never really think about, which is a shame because when you do think about it, it’s the most flooring, impossible, life-altering command. 

everlastinglyanna: And when you do it, despite how you might be burning on the inside or really don’t feel like it, God begins to change your heart. It’s beautiful. This helps us to obtain true charity. And get this, Proverbs 25:21-22 lets us know that if we serve our enemies or do good to them, it will be as heaping “coals of fire upon their head.” So not only does your heart begin to change, but apparently theirs does too! 

I’ve been struggling with forgiving a very toxic friend lately– difficult because not only can she cannot comprehend or admit that she harmed me so devastatingly, but also because she afterward spitefully refused to even consider the thought and instead declared that she would perpetuate such behavior. I’ve never felt such bitter pain and regret and sorrow and rage in my entire life and it’s terrifying. Literally all I can do is pray. I still love my friend but I hate what she did and is doing and that hatred is suffocating me. All I can do is pray, that my heart be softened to genuine mercy and forgiveness… and that my friend and I both will be brought ever closer to God through contrition.

It really is difficult– it often feels frighteningly impossible. But God can do anything, including changing my heart to follow His command of divinely merciful love. And God, I do beg you for the grace.

“The most beautiful creed we pronounce is the one we pronounce in our hour of darkness.”

— Padre Pio (1887 – 1968)

When we are tested to our very limits, when the storms of life batter us to the brink, then the strength and foundation of our faith is revealed. The creed we pronounce when we have every reason to doubt and rage and abandon ship, the creed we steadfastly proclaim with the last ounce of hope in our heart… that is the one that carries diamonds, that holds the most graceful truth.

“Nothing is due to me. I am not a miracle worker. Left to my own devices, I can do nothing but sin.”

St. Pio of Pietrelcina

The fact that Saint Padre Pio said this is both shocking and humbly reassuring– as a sinner who is devastated by their own horrific iniquity, knowing that even the saints were well aware that “everything good in me comes from God alone” gives me hope. Left to my own devices I am an absolute abomination. But my weak and wrecked nature is not a solid sentence of hell, if only God’s grace intervenes on my behalf. Maybe one day I too can become a saint through God’s salvific and sovereign power. That gives me great hope. And so I pray.

Grace alone has preserved my life. Grace alone will keep me alive today. Grace alone will grant me a future. Everything, past present and future, is from God.

 

“We know that when He shall appear, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. That is the end; there perpetual praising, there Alleluia always without fail.” —St. Augustine (Homily 10 on the First Epistle of John)

This most blessed and glorious hope moves me to tears and is often the only thing getting me through the day. In the end, in the gracious end, there is only God and love of Him, forever!

“When your body is injured, do you know what you body immediately does to heal itself? Blood aggressively moves towards the injury. Your body reveals the nature of God; wherever there is sin, here comes aggressive forgiveness of His Blood.”

— Pastor Judah Smith

This is such an eye-opening realization… it changes the way we look at sin. Sin is injury– it is soul damage! And without the Blood of Christ, it cannot heal. We need the blessedly aggressive forgiveness of Jesus’s atonement as much as we need literal blood in our veins… and our hearts need Him just as much.

Take heart; Jesus has overcome the world!
John 16:33

[We are often told that "The battle is over; the victory is won."] No, the WAR has already been won, but the BATTLES continue. This is how we participate in Christ’s victory. @strategic-social-media

Amen to this. Spiritual warfare is real and will continue until Christ’s return in final victory. But no matter how many battlefields we must brave in the meantime, God is triumphant over it all, and sin IS defeated… just outside of our personal time. Sin refuses to accept this fact and so it fights bitterly, rebelliously, vengefully. But have hope, have faith, and soldier on! Christ is with us– still and always. And He will continue to overcome this world, as long as it continues to oppose Him. Take heart!

I met God, Who slowly, painfully, and divinely pieced me back together.

Sin tore me to shreds, but God picked me up– powerfully, but gently. Putting me back together would take a great deal of time… understandably, considering how delicate and careful the process was (and is). To rush would have been not only disrespectful, but also disastrous. I am grateful for the mending, but I cannot deny the pain– sewing torn skin and soul, setting cracked bones and being, soothing shocked head and heart. I still ache; I still have flashbacks and nightmares, illness and sickness. But I am safe now. I am, through His divine love, whole now. No longer am I ripping out parts of my spirit and handing them out to greedy wolves who believed they were just “misunderstood sheep.” Their ravenous appetites swore otherwise. And my Shepherd knew the truth, and He found me, and He delivered me into the sanctuary of His arms… where I wish to remain for the rest of my life, all the more healed and happy and holy each morning.

I met God, who saved me from myself, and now I joyfully live for Him. All glory, honor, and praise be to The Lord!!

Believing the right things about Jesus isn’t enough. You’re not adopted as God’s child until you confess and turn away from your wrongdoing and receive the freely offered gift of forgiveness and eternal life that Jesus purchased with his death on the cross. Until you do that, you’ll always be on the outside looking in.

Lee Strobel

Always remember James 2:19… “You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble!” In this we realize, strikingly, that believing the truth does not mandate obedience to it, or even respect for it! Demons believe, but then they oppose– they attack, they rebel, they scorn, they desecrate. But they still quake in terror at the truth. That does not make them holy. Similarly, no amount of belief or acknowledgement of truth on our part can make us a child of God… for a child not only believes his parents, but obeys and respects and loves them also– with humility!! A good child knows he is not greater or wiser than his father and he honors that difference in wisdom. And so we do this by confessing our Father’s infinite wisdom and righteousness, confessing our own sinfulness and foolishness before Him, and gratefully accepting the salvation from such a state that ONLY God can give, and has given, through His Son. No devil will ever, or can ever, do any of those three steps. A demon has no honor of God, no humility of heart, and no salvation. So yes, you do well to believe… but you must live that belief, for faith without works is dead!

 

“The only really practical type of a rebellion is that which is also a repentance. All real reform springs from this sense of something wrong, not only in our surroundings, but in ourselves.”

— G.K. Chesterton

To rebel without repentance is to rebel in pride; it is an offensive act against something outside of us that we disagree with or detest, while maintaining our own “righteousness.” It is, in essence, a refusal to see oneself as blameworthy or mistaken. This is a dangerous act that fuels arrogance and sinful selfishness, and crushes the capacity for humility and spiritual growth.

However, to rebel with repentance is something I never even considered until now. It means that the disagreement and disgust is with ourselves– it means that the thing we wish to stand against and act in opposition to is in us, not just outside us– it means that we recognize that the roots of the illness in society spring from our own souls, not the other way around.

Rebellion of the virtuous sort therefore requires serious courage, as it first requires that we actively take a stand against our own selfish impulses. To see, admit, and then oppose our own sinful inclinations is mandatory for holiness but it is also very difficult– Scripture itself attests to this (Galatians 5:17)!

Ultimately I think we can best grasp the gravity of this distinction by reviewing the root definition of “rebellion”… which is “war waged against a government by some portion of its subjects.” Which spiritual government are you rebelling against? Are you rebelling against the gentle yoke of Christ, preferring the seductive snares of sin? Or are you rebelling against the heavy chains of the flesh, choosing instead to follow Christ to true freedom? You cannot serve two masters, but ultimately you will serve one.

Make sure your soul is being governed by God… and if it’s not? Then repent, rebel, and reform.

“If anything, let your pain be the passion for your prayer.”

— p.j. {1 Thessalonians 5:17}

Frequently, the pain is so overwhelming it makes formal prayer difficult, and this is both horrible and terrifying. So when it’s that bad, don’t despair! Pour out your heart to God in the pain, as the pain. If words aren’t possible, then speak in feelings. Ask the Holy Spirit to intercede for you, to give you the grace to pray somehow, so that your suffering never drives you away from God… even if all you can do is cling to His pierced feet and weep. Hold on to Him with every ounce of strength you have. This is prayer.

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Salvation - What is truly required? 

lovechangeseverythang:

What won’t save you :

- how often you go to church / pray / read Scriptures
- your good works
- how “spiritual” or “religious” you are
- the faith of your family members / friends

What will save you :

- Romans 10:9-10, “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

Lets get the idea out of our heads that our religiosity is what saves us. It’s a bold statement, but I say it with full confidence: Jesus saves you, and that’s it. Everything else comes after, and is needed for spiritual growth, but like I said… it comes after! Don’t get caught up in trying to do this thing, or that thing, or be this person, or that person. Once He changes your heart, your desires change too, and TRUST ME, He will transform you into who you’re supposed to be if you let Him take over your life! Over time you’ll develop spiritual discipline that will lead you to pray, go to church, read Scriptures, carry out good works, etc. But those don’t save you, and our God is more concerned with your heart than all of those things!
 

Everything else comes after. That is such a powerful hope, such a joyful truth. I can attest to that with my whole heart. Jesus WILL transform you if you surrender to Him with love! It takes time but it’s beautiful time, even when it’s scary, even when it hurts, because through it all you know that it is ALL drawing you closer to Him. Obedience to God practically guarantees persecution and suffering in this world, but those trials are like dust compared to the ultimate end our obedience points to– life in Christ, forever.

And that’s what saves us… Christ’s love, Christ’s mercy, Christ’s power, Christ’s cross. He changes us and we no longer have to struggle in fear to “do good or else,” because once we life for Him, doing good is no longer a challenge of our weak wills, but it becomes a loving response to God’s love. Our good works bloom FROM our faith, as effortlessly as flowers, but requiring the same amount of time and effort, too. It’s a glorious paradox. But in the end, I must reiterate, those works are NOT what save us– they come after we are already saved, through faith in our Savior.

Faith makes Christ the new center of our lives, instead of the world. Spiritual growth comes from becoming part of the True Vine, from whom all good things flow. Prayer and fasting and sacrifice and all sorts of Christian activities will eventually become our joyful nature, not a hard decision. Have faith. God will change your heart to resemble His, more every day. He does all the hard work. All we have to do is truly believe in Him, through His Son, and the Spirit will carry us through the rest of this life, through happiness and horror, through peace and pain, until we reach the doors of death and meet our Father at last.

No matter what you do or don’t do, it won’t save you. Paradoxically, because Christ alone saves us, your works or lack thereof won’t damn you, either… because once you have faith, you will do works. It‘s the inevitable result of a changed heart. You’ll no longer worry about “being enough,” because Christ is enough, and living for Him becomes a fearless act of love, instead of a chore.

Matthew 7:14. “But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

Jeremiah 29:13. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

God is always reachable, but we must prove our pure intentions in seeking Him out. No casually curious souls will be granted access. The road to God is difficult but this is a testament to His glory– only those willing to be made worthy through faithful endurance of its trials will make it through that extra mile.

But we can. God wants us to seek and find Him. And He rejoices in our steadfast pursuit of Him. So forget the easy roads– they may seem pleasant at first but they’re all dead ends. Choose the roughest road– the road of the Cross– for only that road leads to heaven.

alistairradley:

“You didn’t find Jesus, He found you. He wasn’t lost, you were.”

— Matt Chandler

You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you!

—Jesus

This is an important truth to humbly remember when we inevitably struggle in our faith lives. We may be terribly lost, unsure how to find God again, too weak to properly choose the right things… but God is seeking us always, choosing us again and again, giving us the Grace needed to live in Him anew every morning… if we admit that we are lost, weak, and confused. If we deny our state of lack and sin, we cannot be found, strengthened, corrected, or led.

But, if and when we remember that our salvation is of Christ and ONLY of Christ, by His will and power, and not by any speck of our own merit… then, in all grateful humility, we allow ourselves to be found… we allow ourselves to be chosen, and then, we can choose Him, too.

“AT THE END OF A DAY, I WANT PEOPLE TO THINK AND SAY, { MY HEART LOOKS LIKE YOURS JESUS.}”

Crowned with thorns of humility, pierced with a lance of persecution, and afire with love for humanity.

Seriously though. Our hearts must imitate both Christ’s love and His suffering, for the two are forever intertwined. His love was the most powerfully proved by His suffering, after all– that’s why we have the Cross!

Sometimes I don’t need to understand…

just trust in the Lord.

Trust creates peace.

We humans understand so little the way it is. How could we ever trust God if we demanded to understand Him first? By His very nature, He is unfathomable! His ways are infinitely above our ways. But His ways are also always good. So what does it matter if we don’t understand? We know the bottom line. God is trustworthy. So trust Him.

This, indeed, grants our hearts an equally unfathomable peace.

 

When a church changes their values to match current culture, they're no longer following the Bible, they're following the lost.

God never changes. His Word is whole and true for eternity. There is never any reason for His church to mutate itself to match a fickle, shifting, fading culture. We must instead stand strong as a bulwark of truth amidst the whirling winds of the world.
 

“A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.”

— Proverbs 11:12

All our words should be edifying, honest, and merciful. True judgment is accompanied by compassion and humility. It does no good to deride anyone.
 

Christians are guilty of telling more lies to God on Sundays than on any other day. You know why? Because it is on Sundays that they sing so many hymns - such as, “All to Jesus I surrender”, “Take my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold”, etc.

You may sing those words because they’re in the hymnbook. But you don’t mean them. And you don’t realize that you’re speaking directly to God when you sing such hymns. Maybe you are more conscious of the tune than of the words. That’s when you tell lies to God.

Jesus said that we would have to give an account to God in the day of judgment for every careless word that we spoke (Matthew 12:36).

-Zac Poonen “God Centred Praying”

Especially in church, every single word we say must come from our heart in both frank sincerity and solemn awareness of the binding quality of words. If you say something mindlessly or automatically, where is the honor in your words? Where is their value?

I am a cantor at my church and I am often left in tears and trembling from what I sing in those hymns. God knows I mean every word, for His glory and for His love, and I pray with every breath that He grants me the grace I so dearly need to keep those promises and confessions.

But I am very aware how deadly a careless hymn is to the soul. It is just as lethal as hollow prayer, for hymns are indeed just prayers set to music– and in both, we must be fully and humbly aware of Who is listening. He knows your heart, and whether or not it is in your words. So be honest. Mean what you sing. And if you cannot sing with sincerity, then seriously pray about that. But don’t ever sing emptily.
 

I will be like a shepherd looking for his scattered flock. I will find my sheep and rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on that dark and cloudy day. (NLT) -Ezekiel 34:12

 

God considers each of His children to be a lost sheep. We are all prone to wandering away from Him, lured by the shallow enticements of the world, and ultimately ending up terribly lost, sometimes to the point of losing hope. But fear not! As one of His precious sheep, He will seek you out and find you to bring you back to His flock. Oh, how much He loves you, to ensure that you do not get lost along the way! You are too important for Him to overlook, and you should never doubt that. He is your Good Shepherd.

If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. (NLT) -Matthew 10:39

The emphasis here is not on losing your life and all of your possessions, but rather on turning your focus away from those possessions. We sometimes lose sight of the important things in life: such as strengthening the bond with your parents or mending wounds with friends. God calls us to love both our neighbors and our enemies, so by focusing on building Godly relationships, we honor Him. Maybe it has been a long time since you shared a special moment with your brothers or sisters, let alone a special moment with God. We become so busy in life that our priorities can be flipped upside down, and that is truly “losing” our life. Without God and neighbor taking priority over stuff and status, our lives will become living deaths. We must change our way of thinking and prioritize in a healthy and Godly way by putting God, our spouse, and our family first.

Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. (NLT) -Ephesians 3:17

 

When you place your faith in God and trust that His plans for you are better than you can imagine, Christ will send the Holy Spirit to you. Through prayer and daily reading of the Bible, a relationship will grow. This relationship is unlike any other, and it will sharpen you to constantly grow to be more like Christ. Stay rooted in God’s love, and focus on strengthening your loving relationship with Him daily.
 

“And suddenly I realized that every single thing in my life is fleeting, and that only God is eternal.”

sad and yet gloriously sweet realization…

“This too shall pass.” Every earthly joy and sorrow will fade. But if we anchor our lives on God, our true joy and true life, not even the passing away of this entire world will shake us, for our hope is in Heaven with the Lord of Eternity.
 

Even on my darkest and twistiest of days, God is still there. No matter how hollow my chest feels or how heavy my bones are, He is there always whispering encouragement.

---

“Keep pushing. I’m not done yet.”

God isn’t done with you, so never give up. Our strength isn’t what matters here– God’s strength is. So no matter how weak, helpless, tired, scared, or useless we may feel, that doesn’t matter– God will carry us through for His sake, by His will, and God is unstoppable. If we cling to Him in obedient faith and ardent hope, we will share in the joy of His victory over death in our lives, by the grace of Christ.

Keep pushing– God will give you the strength. He isn’t done, so don’t be afraid. Until the very end and beyond, He is with you… and in this loving trust, not even the end can scare you.

Don't forget God when you get what you prayed for.

pray even when the waters are calm

especially when the waters are calm

When the waters are calm, we can see all the way to the bottom. There are a lot of terrible things hiding down there, trust me. Just because they aren’t moving right now doesn’t mean they’re out of the picture. One day again they shall turn the seas into a maelstrom. So when the waters are calm, it’s the best time to reflect on just how much we have been delivered from, and just how blessed we are to have hope in Christ, who alone calms the waters, no matter how severe the storm.

Pray then, pray now, pray always. Prayer is praise and love and wonder and awe and humility and sorrow and pleading and gratitude. Prayer is the heart speaking to God in any and all circumstances. Pray in tough times, pray in tranquil times. Never stop, because you always need it… for you always need God.

"Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face."
-Ronald Reagan

"It is not a matter of time so much as a matter of heart; if you have the heart to pray, you will find the time."
-Charles Spurgeon

Time is a sacrifice too, and a precious one– we never know if this is our final hour. And yet, blessed irony, this truth of temporality should move us all the more strongly to offer every moment to God!

Furthermore, we give our time most naturally to what we love… to what our hearts deem worthy of attention, of worship. If God does not hold the highest place– nay, the only place– on that list, you must fix your priorities. If you truly love God above all else, you will make time for Him, even in your most potent stress, even in your most heavy fatigue, even in the face of death.

If you have the heart to pray, no excuse will ever prevent you from praying.

 

"Blessed, however, are those who’ve managed to simplify their life and become liberated from the web of this world’s development of numerous conveniences (i.e. many inconveniences), and were released from the frightening stress of our present age."
-St Paisios of Mount Athos

This present age is a tangled knot of useless stressors indeed. We are born with nothing and we die with nothing. God is all that matters.

 

“A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back.”

— Proverbs 29:11 (nkjv)

Feelings are temporary and transient. They flare up and die down as quickly and chaotically as a flame. Venting them as they roar by is foolish indeed– wisdom lies in silence, in patient discretion. We must calmly assess our feelings for truth and propriety, before we give words to any of them.
 

“Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, And it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense without seeking revenge and harboring resentment.”

— Proverbs 19:11 (AMP)

God is merciful to us; let us then be merciful to all our brethren.

If there is to be any vengeance, it is God’s, never ours. We are to forgive in humble compassion, to pray for the souls of those who offend us, and to seek their good. Resentment will rot our hearts. Both good sense and holiness quench the harmful heat of anger. Always choose what will bring honor to Christ.
 

thewordfortheday:

Jesus understands that our flesh is contaminated by sin and extremely weak when it comes to spiritual things. But He tells us to seek His strength so that we may live for Him and not succumb to our flesh. Knowing that our flesh is not able to do what our spirit desires, Jesus encourages us to pray –
“Watch and pray, that you enter not into temptation.” (Matthew 26:41) Each of us has certain areas where we are more vulnerable to temptation and susceptible to sin. Jesus tells us that we should always be alert to the possibility of satan’s temptation, especially in these areas. Jesus also encourages us to pray, bringing our needs and weaknesses “specifically” before the throne of God in order to receive His help.

“Our flesh is not able to do what our spirit desires.” This is the shocking, humbling truth. This is why we must be vigilant in prayer, for we are at perpetual risk for temptation and sin, as weak as we are. But God will help us for His glory and in His love.

Also, remember the emphasis on “specifically.” The most powerful intercession is given to the most radical honesty & surrender. When you’re struggling, tell God the details– lay your heart bare. Yes, He already knows, but what faith and trust and humility it grows in you to confess it to Him so directly, so totally!

The challenge of our faith is not our inability to hear God’s voice, but rather our willingness to entertain other voices

Bill Johnson

Too many other voices are talking over Christ’s Word in our hearts; in our world we are bombarded by chatter and noise. We must constantly endeavor to listen to God all the more closely, and fill all our senses with Him, to overpower the cacophony of the world.

 

justcallmebishop:

Its fascinating to me just how possible it is to know God, yet how committed I can be to only learn more about myself.

In knowing God more, we come to truly know ourselves more, too… after all, what meaning is there to life and self without God? All self-reflection born from proud curiosity and self-worship is bound to collapse emptily in the end. I can gravely attest to this. The only self-knowledge worth anything is the knowledge of who we are in Christ, who we are to God, and who we can and will become through God’s salvific grace.

Read your Bible. Pray without ceasing. Make knowledge of God your truest commitment. This will ultimately also teach you more about yourself than anything else ever can.

 

justcallmebishop:

It’s the new Christian fad to see maps everywhere, in churches and in homes, because every Christian wants to reach the nation’s, but so painfully few want to reach their neighbors.

Thinking “globally” can become so abstract, that it takes the feeling of urgency away from evangelization and charity both. But when your starving, struggling, sin-wracked neighbors are next door, or in your own family, the call to do God’s work becomes more urgent than ever– and you can’t hang up that divine call without willful ignorance.

It’s a staggering reality, to see that we are surrounded right now by people in desperate need of God, and we can’t rely on any corporation, celebrity, or community outreach to do the hard work for us, whereas globally we can make a donation or mission trip or prayer group and feel “accomplished.” But although it is good to give this sort of national help, it is far better– and I daresay more Christian– to do the humble hidden work here at home.

Talk to your neighbors about Christ. Talk to your family. Care for the sick, elderly, disabled, and lonely in your hometown, on your street. Cook meals, run errands, care for children and pets, assist with bills, even just visit someone who needs the comfort of a fellow soul. Do all of these things and more for God’s sake– because you love Him, and you love His children. If you call yourself a Christian, your life must honor His life. Do as He would do, and help those who need your help, personally.

 

Those that forever seek the Word of God are overrun by those who do It.
-Reinhard Bonnke

Seek God’s will, but when you find it– and you WILL, for God promises this– do it!

We can all too easily “pretend” we don’t know God’s will if we’re afraid to obey it, or if we don’t understand it. But His will is right there in Scripture. It’s engraved upon our hearts. It’s given in response to honest prayer. Deep down, whenever we ask in faith, we WILL receive in faith. The important bit is acting on it with the same amount of faith and trust.

Seek His will, find His will, and do His will. There are always three steps. If you don’t do it, then you disobey it. There is no other option. Remember this.

hisprincess:

Stop taking your eyes off of Christ. Without Him you’ll end up in the exact place you keep telling yourself you don’t want to be.

Reminder to self.

Think of the world as a raging sea, and think of your life as a boat out in the storm. Now think of Christ as a lighthouse– as a lodestar, as the sole guiding brilliance of your ship, the sole hope of safety, the sole signpost of survival and salvation from the wild tempests. That is how dearly you should value Christ– as your only hope; as THE only hope! Fix your eyes on His light just as unflinchingly as a sailor in such a storm would fix his eyes on the beacon proclaiming safe shores. Without Christ, you will not only become desperately lost– you will also die out there, in the merciless maelstrom.

You don’t want to be lost at sea. So keep your eyes on Christ, and follow Him.

“We are all one in sin, one in failure, one in hopelessness, one in need of the Lord Jesus Christ and His great salvation.”

— Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Jesus is the One for Everyone.

“God seeks churches and households that love the lost, not love the blessing God bestows on them for reaching the lost. God seeks those who sacrificially give for the advance of the gospel because Jesus is worth it, not because Jesus will make it worth it.”

— Dick Brogden

If Jesus is not enough motivation for you to sacrifice, then you need to seriously examine your heart as a Christian. If you’re “in it” for temporal blessings, your heart is in the wrong place. Love the lost because God loves them, and because you love God, and because He quite honestly commanded that we love all our fellow humans– all our fellow creations of God, all our fellow souls in need of salvation.

koinohnia:

Jesus was nailed to the cross so His love could pierce your hard heart to make it soft.

The mental imagery of this alone can shatter a heart of stone.

Reflect on this profound suffering love whenever sin hardens your heart. Let the nails pierce you through. Let love break you open so that grace can enter in again.

Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. (NLT) -Psalms 34:14

 

God wants us to live peaceful lives. God hates the insecurity and fear evil brings to our lives. Thus, a part of being a Christ follower is being a peace seeker- for following Him brings true peace. Make a list of how you can be an agent of peace in your community. Do you feel moved to make amends with neighbors? Co-workers? Family members? Maybe you feel called to speak against a particular injustice? It could be that you are nudged to finally are agree to volunteer in your local church. Rest assured that Christ has placed these peaceful nudges into your heart for His sake and the sake of His Kingdom. Make steps to be a peacemaker today!

 

This is a powerful love-driven motivator.

Love is really the only motivation for good. Remember this in your struggles. Without love, you’re stuck. With love, you’re already free.

preparation-and-acceleration:

Father, please show me whenever I am not thinking in ways that will cultivate my heart for You so I can unroot that mindset

Show me, and then please, give me the grace TO unroot those thought processes. I cannot do it myself. Only You can. So please, God… show me Your will, and enable me to do it, for Your sake.

 

“I am profoundly grateful to God that He did not grant me certain things for which I asked, and that He shut certain doors in my face.”

— Martin Lloyd Jones

God’s will is always better than ours, for His knowledge, wisdom, and purity is always infinitely greater than ours.

If God shuts a door, rejoice. If He denies a request, rejoice. He knows what He’s doing. You are being protected and guided by His powerful hand. Then, with grateful humility, obey His rerouting.

 

My worth is found in Christ and only in Christ.

No matter what the world says about you, good or bad, in the end Christ is all that matters, and all that is worth anything. If you cling to Him, no earthly abandonment or demonic lies can shake you. Without Christ, though– without God– is there anything worthwhile? No. Everything outside of Him will pass away and come to naught. But Christ died to conquer death, to make us worthy who believe in Him. No amount of money, fame, power, possessions, praises, or prizes can do that. But if God calls you worthy through His Son, then nothing on earth can take that away from you. Hold on to that joyful hope.
 

“And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” (NLT) -Luke 11:9

The power of persistent prayer is incredible. Strength rises up in your voice as you continuously seek God’s answer to your prayers. This persistence proves that you are not seeking instant gratification, that you trust that God hears you and will respond in His divine timing, and that you both realize and trust in the power and importance of honest prayer itself. Rest assured that, no matter how long it may take to see an answer, God will always answer: through fulfillment of your prayer, a firm “no,” or by guiding your heart in a different direction, causing you to no longer seek the answer to that prayer. God always hears us, especially in the silence that moves our hearts. Go ahead and pray a specific prayer daily, and wait faithfully for His response.

 The use of many words in prayer is helpful, if only because our consciousness is in this way fixed upon the holy words for a longer time. Even if we are not completely absorbed in the meaning of the words we utter, but only diverted from trifles, from vain agitation, worry, impure thoughts - even that is a great gain. And if we add to this a vivid sense of no more than one hundredth of what we read, the soul acquires countless treasures.

-Diary of a Russian Priest

Prayer is always a great benefit to the soul. This emphasis on the holy focus of lengthy prayer is very important to remember. It is indeed far better to devote our spare time to prayer than to trifles, and claiming “it’s hard to concentrate” or the like is no excuse in light of this truth… and that is joyfully encouraging! No prayer is ever wasted. No effort is ever lost. So pray– pray always, and never be discouraged!

You don't need a reason to help people.

But you’ve got one nevertheless: John 15:12, and Luke 10:36-37!

koinohnia:

 

koinohnia:

Remember, Shadrach, Meshasch, and Abednego. God didn’t put out the fire. He just put Jesus in there with them and they came out without smoke. It’s not about God stopping all the things that look bad; it’s about who is in there with you... God didn’t put the fire out nor did they need it to be put out. They believed God would deliver them but were content in giving their lives to honor the word and kindness of God if He had not. And that’s amazing. Amazing grace.

realjoyismine: Remember this: those boys didn’t know that they’d be saved out of the fire. They were ready to die for the Lord. That is what they told King Nebachadnezzar. The outcome? They didn’t care. They just stood for what was right: honoring and glorifying God at all costs.

This was my favorite Bible story as a child. It still is.

They didn’t need the fire to be put out because that wasn’t the point– they only cared about glorifying God, even if that meant dying for His sake.

That truth, that faith, still pierces me to the core. God, I pray that my own faith may be so unflinchingly steadfast, for love of You!!

 

Once you become aware that the main business that you are here for is to know God, most of life’s problems fall into place of their own accord.

J.I. Packer, Knowing God

No matter how long or short our life is, knowing and serving God is all that matters. Making that our top priority will inevitably cause all our other cares and concerns to find their proper place in service to it. Everything that doesn’t serve God must go.

It’s a blissful courageous streamlining of life that honestly makes life under any circumstances worth living, because when our earthly life is for God, we can rest assured that we will have a life with Him after this one is over. And all else is dust in comparison.

 

Paul learned to be content with what he had. Which is remarkable since he had so little. He had a jail cell instead of a house. He had four walls instead of the mission field. He had chains instead of jewelry, a guard instead of a wife. How could he be so content? Simple. He focused on a different list.
He had eternal life. He had the love of God. He had forgiveness of sins. He had the surety of salvation. He had Christ, and Christ was enough. What he had in Christ was greater than what he didn't have in life.

God, present in His Son, is always enough.

This life is temporary… the life to come is eternal. Saint Paul knew that true joy and contentment come from fixing our hearts on the latter. No matter what we have or don’t have here… in the end, in eternity, what truly matters is having God… and we do have Him in Christ. When our hearts genuinely know this, all else is as dust in comparison to that blessed joy.

syney: Some Christians have a hard time praying because they don’t think it works for them.

God says that if we ask and do not receive, it is because we ask with the wrong motives; for personal pleasure. He also says that if we ask according to His will, He will hear us. So if he hears us - whatevever we ask - we can know that we have what we have asked of Him.

The first step is changing our motives. The next step is faith.

everlastinglyanna: This is good! Prayer is vitally important. How you pray matters. Luke 18 is one of my favorite examples of how to pray. 

If we’re not praying, how will we ever know what God requires of us? How will we know what he has to say concerning our issues or the things we go through daily? More importantly, how do we expect God to move for us or to develop a relationship with him if we don’t talk to him? Men ought to always pray & not faint. 

And if he doesn’t answer right then and there, just wait. Waiting is not just to sit down as if you’re in a waiting room, but you continue to seek Him until he gives you the answer. Continue to work unto Him! To wait, by definition, is to look forward expectantly. To be ready and available. It may not happen right now, but be expectant, be ready!

Isaiah 59:1 lets me know that his ear is not so heavy that he can’t hear me. I have to believe that!

Without faith, it is impossible to please God. 

Our prayers must ultimately be rooted in our faith– in our love of God, and in glory to Him. If what we are praying for does not glorify Him, or testify to our love of Him and His commandments… then our motives need to change, because God will not grant any request that goes against His Holy Will. The Holy Spirit will convict you if this is the case, in my humbling experience.

But waiting is so important too. It shows, actively, that we trust God’s timing as much as we trust His will. Prayer us ultimately about God, not about us. We are not entitled to get our requests fulfilled, let alone fulfilled now, or in the manner we choose. None of that is our choice.

When we are waiting on a response, do so with joyful surrender to whatever God’s answer is… whether it is yes, no, not now, or not in that way. But absolutely be ready to get a yes, too– sometimes having a prayer answered affirmatively and quickly is a bigger test of faith than the alternative. If you pray for a healing, are you truly ready to change your life to accommodate that God-given change in health? Or are you secretly afraid of getting better because you aren’t sure how not to be sick? Similarly, if you pray for deliverance from a certain repetitive sin or addictive temptation, are you prepared for the gap that will leave in your life, that the devil will try to fill again? Are you prepared for the increase in holy activity you will need to cultivate in order to prevent relapse? I give these examples because that is my current struggle, and it speaks volumes as to the importance of motivation, trust, surrender, faith, and readiness in prayer.

We must be willing to do the work required to live in the will of God, when we pray for it. His will WILL be done, no matter what. So… let us pray, above and with all else, to be conformed TO His Will, in both our prayers and in our lives.

“Rose early to seek God and found Him whom my soul loveth. Who would not rise early to meet such company?”
— Robert Murray M'Cheyne

He is up all night anyway, watching over us with mercy and compassion. So the moment we awake, He is already there, full of love, brighter and warmer than the sun.

Rise early, and watch the sun rise with your Beloved, with God who created both it and you, and who rejoices in your loving company too.

sojourneronearth: Why live if my purpose isn’t immediately to preach the gospel anymore. If I cannot do that, what is the point?

Make every moment a preaching, then. May every tiny thing you do be done out of acknowledgement and honor of Christ’s grace working in you, even if only God sees you. Start there.

God will give you the opportunity to preach the Gospel in greater situations and with greater means when He determines the time is right.

Your purpose is always to preach the Gospel, so do not worry… but that preaching must become a way of living first. That’s what makes it immediate.

Do not despair; there is always hope through Christ. He is the point.🙏❤

“Let us not only take care to defend ourselves from the contagion of evil but also to promote the good, sustain it, give witness to it, defend it, and multiply it. We must take responsibility for the fact that the world is suffering from evil stemming from our lukewarmness.”

— Pope John XXIII
 

We are the carriers of Christ’s Light. It is absolutely our responsibility to shine it in the face of evil, for ourselves and for all others.
Defend it, promote it, sustain it, witness it, multiply it. Remember this.

That's the excitement in obedience: finding out later what God had in mind.

"If we were asked how wise we were, most of us wouldn't know exactly how to answer. We talk a lot about intelligence, but not very much about wisdom, so we don't always know what wisdom looks like.
Solomon gives one sign that helps us recognize wisdom in our own life and the lives of others when he writes of wisdom: "Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace" (Proverbs 3:17).
Nobody's life is always and only pleasant. No one walks exclusively on paths of peace. Not even our Lord, Jesus Christ, experienced such a life, and He was the wisest man Who ever lived.
But there still can be great insight gained by asking the question "Do my decisions, attitudes, words, and lifestyle create peace or discord?" How we answer might suggest something about our current state of wisdom-- and how we may become wiser with God's help.
Lord, give me the gift of wisdom that I may walk in paths of peace. Amen."

-Thomas Nelson

True peace is grounded in obedient faith, and resides in the heart. True, our outer circumstances might still be tumultuous, but how are we affecting them? Are our choices serving God, no matter how discordant my environment may be? Is my way of life honoring God? Are my thoughts resting on Him? Is my attitude befitting a child of God? Indeed, herein lies wisdom-- even when we may not have any solid answers, even when we are helpless and confused, or even when we cannot see any hope of external peace... we can still be wise, and so still experience and create true peace, if we simply turn to God in all things. Choose to serve Him in any and every way you can, in any moment, even if all you can do is pray, or be patient, or be humble. We can always serve God. And if we do, then we are both being wise and walking in the most pleasant ways, for God is joy and hope itself, even on the road to Calvary.

"God's provision for communion with Him through prayer says a lot about His character. He sought us and established this divine channel of prayer. He listens for our cry as a mother listens for her young.
He knows my voice and attends to my cries. Such is my God: a God of loving initiative Who seeks me, a God of great sensitivity Who listens for me, a God of intimacy who knows me, and a God of grace Who attends to my needs.
God's plan for marriage is to bring together a husband and wife in order that they might become "one flesh"-- spirit, soul, and body. Spiritual oneness through mutual prayer is part of God's plan.
It's not surprising that the world's order for marriage is exactly the opposite: "Let's be physically intimate, then see if friendship develops. If later it seems important, we will explore our spiritual life." Many couples carry the pain of these misplaced priorities for decades, unaware that God has made provision to restore His priorities. Critical to this restoration process is tapping into the power and potential of prayer.
Thanks, Lord, for the special privilege of sharing together in prayer!
Prayer should play a vital part in the life of married believers. It's important to pray and entreat God's attention and favor for your spouse. Prayers of thanksgiving can draw a couple together in closeness. Prayers for the children help a couple be of one mind when it comes to rearing their kids. Requesting prayer as one spouse leaves for the office in the morning gives the couple the opportunity to be like-minded during the day.
God is willing to give ear to our prayers, both those said individually and those offered as a couple. We should make sure we take the time to enjoy this wonderful privilege.
At what times of the day and under what circumstances will you and your spouse share together in prayer?"

- David & Teresa Ferguson

This is what marriage is about and for. This is why the church stands firmly against the modern secular ideas of marriage, which eschew prayer and religious priority, instead focusing on sexuality and desire. Christian marriage is about family– about being part of God’s adopted family in Christ, and in raising children within that same truth, teaching them through God’s word to be good abd faithful members of the human family as well, both at home and in the world. Secular “marriage” frequently rejects this anchor of family, not only rejecting the idea of parenthood, and therefore of raising and/or bearing children, but also rejecting the call to be a child of God, instead choosing to serve their own interests and opinions, seeking self-idolatry through sensuality and carefree living.

God is our Parent, a loving Father who Mothers us as well. If we reject this truth, we cannot truly live as His Children… and then how could we ever raise children ourselves, let alone be parents, if we do not have that divine Example to follow?

And how could we ever truly have a unitive loving relationship with a spouse, if we do not first seek loving unity with God, who loves us more than any human ever can? How could we ever truly communicate with our spouse, if we do not communicate with God in prayer?

Marriage is a sacrament, a holy event of our faith, and it must always be recognized and honored as such, or else it will collapse, as all things will if they are chopped off at the very root.


 

060517
#1

CHAIN ANALYSIS OF PROBLEM BEHAVIOR ➜ SELF INJURIOUS BEHAVIOR

VULNERABILITY ➜ PROMPTING EVENT ➜ LINKS ➜ PROBLEM BEHAVIOR ➜ CONSEQUENCES

-----------------------------

1) What exactly is the major PROBLEM BEHAVIOR that I am analyzing?
Self-injurious behavior (PHYSICAL): biting, scratching, punching arms + legs; & tearing hair out at times; slapping self in face

2) What PROMPTING EVENT in the environment started me on the chain to my problem behavior? Include what happened RIGHT BEFORE the urge or thought came into my mind.
Day prompting event occurred: 06-05-17
Treatment team took me off Self-Select because it took me >45 minutes to decide on a meal & figure out the "correct exchanges" while still 100%-"challenging" myself. They said it suggested "too much emotional distress" (which is true) and said I, therefore, would not be allowed on S.S. until further notice.

3) Describe what things in myself and in my environment made me VULNERABLE.
Day the events making me vulnerable started: 06-05-17, but technically 06-01-17
Feeling like I had failed Team & "proved to them that I really am a problem patient" (distortion); was disgusted with self for still struggling with OCD timing issues like they said; felt like stopping S.S. was "stopping my needed progress opportunities," DENYING me the chance TO heal & challenge those behaviors, as "punishment" for screwing up so badly (distortion).

4) List the chain of events specific behaviors and environmental events that actually did happen). Use the ABC-EF list as follows:
A= ACTIONS // B= BODY SENSATIONS // C= COGNITIONS/THOUGHTS // E= EVENTS // F=FEELINGS
FIRST= Team said I took too much time choosing food
SECOND= I felt shocked & mortified as I hadn't realized this
THIRD= I felt scared because I remembered struggling like this before w/ clothes, shopping, etc.

5) What exactly were the consequences in the environment?
I probably looked like a desperate, manipulative, troublemaking, whiny baby.
I probably damaged my reputation and perceived-image to Team even further.
I probably made Team trust me even less? "Fed up" with my constant problematic behavior, such as "shooting down" their VERY GOOD PLANS for me out of scared paranoia & confusion, not being currently able to grasp/ understand their perspectives as much as I SHOULD, etc.
(Is all the above distorted? I hope, even if that's selfish or greedy)
I made a total fool of myself & proved that, apparently so, I really am NOT ready to move on in treatment, even though I WANT to be… and besides, the thought of eating ONE ON ONE with someone, TALKING along with trying to focus on comprehending the meal, but not being able to "defer" the convo to others, and the HUGE pressure of "picking the RIGHT MEAL" to set a good example & not let them down, all at once, is TERRIFYING.

And in myself?
Absolute self-disgust,
crushing frustrated shame & guilt,
felt like a worthless, hopeless failure

What harm did my problem behavior cause?
Ruined my reputation, hurt my treatment,
was 100% idiotic instinctual whiny behavior,
didn't act maturely & acceptingly & wisely,
guilt/ shame/ despair/ disgust caused self harm

6)Prevention plans:
Ways to reduce my vulnerability in the future:
- ACT WITH MORE INTEGRITY IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! Then I won't have REASON to be so ashamed & humiliated!!!

Ways to prevent precipitating event from happening again:
- Give myself a SOLID TIME LIMIT for picking out meal items;
- Stop thinking that "I HAVE to be scared of foods because it's EXPECTED of me" when I'm NOT;
- Choose NEW foods w/o that á stupid "challenge" mindset distraction; for me, NOTHING is scary or challenging because I WANT TO LOVE IT ALL-- therefore, EVERYTHING is 100% OK to choose!!!
MY TRUE CHALLENGE is NOT forcing myself to view perfectly lovely foods AS "challenges"!!!

7) Plans to repair, correct, and overcorrect the harm:
- Apologize for my childish behavior & inflexibility
- Actively find ways to practice not obsessing over choice "correctness" to the point of wasting SO much time

061717
#2

★INFO MISSING; BOTTOM HALF OF PAGE CUT OFF ON COPY MACHINE★

----------------------------

CHAIN ANALYSIS OF PROBLEM BEHAVIOR

VULNERABILITY ➜ PROMPTING EVENT ➜ LINKS ➜ PROBLEM BEHAVIOR ➜ CONSEQUENCES

-----------------------------

1) What exactly is the major PROBLEM BEHAVIOR that I am analyzing?
★ bingeing behavior; "I'm already fat; I might as well get fatter" (fat: "worth," "health")
★ thinking "I like/liked this food;" therefore "I MUST have ALL of it or I am saying I actually hate it"; terror of not showing "love" for as many "unloved/feared" foods as possible; want to be "fearless"
★ taking 4 packets of mayonnaise (would have taken more) because ↑ thought process: "I LIKE it so I have to PROVE it"

2) What PROMPTING EVENT in the environment started me on the chain to my problem behavior? Include what happened RIGHT BEFORE the urge or thought came into my mind.
Day prompting event occurred: 06-16-17
★ Saw mac&cheese as an option, w/ vegs
★ thought "this was my first SS meal and my fellow patients and I showed "a lot of courage/ strength" in eating it; also I LIKED it, therefore I CANNOT reject it, or I am rejecting that HEALING and "strength"
★ intended to use tons of mayo on it because I used to binge on it in an attempt to "not hate/ fear it anymore"; if I DIDN'T use it, I was showing that I "hated/ feared" it all over again & my "healing" was null

3) Describe what things in myself and in my environment made me VULNERABLE.
Day the events making me vulnerable started: 06-16-17, and also a long time ago
★ pressed to "go super fast," "figure out good exchange combos," "eat as much as possible to get fatter/ heavier" = dissociated; "not me," didn't care; "everyone I know (at home) expected me to be a dishonest glutton so I might as well make sure that statement is true, so I don't turn them into liars/ spite them/ doubt their "true judgment" of me and my motives (this is distorted, but I am terrified that it's secretly the truth) [??? page bottom cut off]
★ seeing lots of foods I felt I HAD to eat NOW because I had liked them at some point in the past, and if I DIDN'T eat them again at this opportunity, I would nullify that "like" and "prove" I was a liar and full of spite
★ feeling fat & therefore feeling I was now OBLIGATED to overeat, to match the "new me"
★ depressed & scared of looming discharge date & eating in a way that I felt would "make my family happy," but being miserable and "giving up on treatment" BECAUSE I was "returning to the E.D.'s home" etc.

4) List the chain of events specific behaviors and environmental events that actually did happen). // Then list new, more skillful behaviors to replace ineffective behaviors.
Use the ABC-EF list as follows:
A= ACTIONS // B= BODY SENSATIONS // C= COGNITIONS/THOUGHTS // E= EVENTS // F=FEELINGS
FIRST= going to self select w/ lots of exchanges on card
SECOND= thinking, "I can't get something easy or simple; that's cheating/ spiteful/ bratty" // Not judging "multiple-exchange" food combos as being "bad" because they're an "easy/lazy" choice= that's a distorted morally wrong!judgment and it's NOT TRUE. Easiness
THIRD= Seeing MANY food choices that I either liked now, liked before, or WANTED to like
FOURTH= felt I HAD to eat ALL of them, or else I would "prove that I didn't REALLY like ANY of them" // I DON'T have to constantly "overprove" my love/ like/ caring; I can STILL not fear a food even if I don't choose it!
FIFTH= felt that "refusing" such "proofs of forgiveness & healing" nullified ALL my alleged "healing progress" // I can't take every option at once. THAT'S FINE. Making ONE choice DOESN'T DESTROY THE OTHERS.
SIXTH= couldn't get all of it as it'd go over exchanges= disobedience, blatant rulebreaking, spite, malevolence // False assumption that I WOULD act out of malice/spite if I made one little mistake= "all or nothing" good/bad distortion
SEVENTH= terrified of disappointing/ angering staff & team by messing up timing/ portions/ exchanges // When you feel THAT scared of "screwing up," ASK FOR HELP/ TELL SOMEONE! Don't let the distortions snowball in isolation!
EIGHTH= felt overwhelmed & didn't know how to make the "right choice" by myself anymore // I WASN'T making MY OWN CHOICE-- I felt compelled to obey old distorted obligations, EVEN if they made me MISERABLE. (DON'T entertain thoughts that make you feel so bad-- EVEN if you feel you "HAVE TO." STOP and ask: "WHY do I have to?" And KEEP QUESTIONING THE RESPONSES until ALL the distortions crumble ---) (THIS HAS WORKED 100% IN THE PAST. Remember ---) [??? page bottom cut off]
NINTH= gave up trying and chose as much food as possible, stretching exchanges as much as possible // DON'T EVER GIVE UP; that's not you!! Also, you DON'T NEED TO ALWAYS "go the extra mile" or "push limits"-- those AREN'T "inherently good" behaviors!!! (In fact, they made past trauma WORSE. BUT that's possibly also why you also fear you HAVE to act that way even now.)
TENTH= added as much "extra" food as I could without betraying my guilt, via suspicion // If it makes you feel SO disgusting/ guilty, STOP! Don't force yourself to "stay miserable" just because you felt it!
ELEVENTH= told myself, "it doesn't matter if you suffer, as long as you are helping/ satisfying as many people as possible" // A DISTORTION, but the OLDEST AND STRONGEST one. It's STILL DISTORTED. When you suffer in CONSCIENCE like this, it's a sign to STOP-- you're no longer being yourself!!!
TWELFTH= needed mayo for fat exchange; convinced self I could pass 4 off as 2 and then take 8 with "+2 leeway" // Yes, I like mayo. That's not a sin. Forcing myself to eat more than I even want is NOT going to change that "sin" fear; just worsen it.
THIRTEENTH= thought, "team judges my healing progress by my weight; this will make me fatter, therefore they'll be happy with me." // NOT TRUE; the weight gain is a RESULT OF PROPER NUTRITION and NOT RESTRICTING/ PURGING. It's NOT about "becoming 'fat'"!
FOURTEENTH= thought the same thing about my family, BUT tied to childhood abuse-- terror took over and I "gave up" // YOU ARE NOT AN ABUSER, EVEN IF YOUR BODY LOOKS LIKE THEIRS. YOU ARE STILL GOOD!!!
FIFTEENTH= sat far away from Sara because I was ashamed & didn't want to disappoint everyone by showing how "bad I really was" // I WANTED her to notice & call me out-- I was ashamed & DESPERATELY SCARED/ NEEDING HELP but too ashamed to ask! Next time, man up & DO SO!!! Be true to YOU!!! Take courage and CHALLENGE those "not you" behaviors when you realize they are happening!! It's really tough but SO ARE YOU. FIGHT TO WIN.
SIXTEENTH= thought, "there's no such thing as 'getting better' because this is my life now = I'm fated to be fat & slutty" // Tied to 14= YOU ARE NOT LIKE THE ABUSER. Even if you are fat, you STILL HAVE A GOOD HEART, AND you WILL "get better" if only you REMEMBER THAT!
SEVENTEENTH= still ate 100% as fast as "politely possible" to desperately show I could still at least do "what really mattered" // That's binge behavior!! And yes, HERE you have to eat 100% even if it hurts, and you HAVE to eat fast even if makes you dissociate. BUT YOU'RE LEARNING. On your own, you CAN eat smaller meals, more often, and therefore NOT RUSH OR BINGE! But in treatment, 45m 100% works in THIS context. JUST DON'T "TWIST" THAT into the wrong context! [??? page bottom cut off]

5) What exactly were the consequences in the environment?
(Lots of distorted thoughts here but I wanted to record exactly where my mind went with this!)
good= showed fellow patients that these foods CAN be eaten w/o fear; they CAN be free of anxiety over them
bad= Staff doesn't trust me anymore

And in myself?
- not knowing who I am anymore
- feeling that I could only "prove I was good & loving" by being "good & loving" to food because other people are scared of it but it's innocent and that's not fair to hate it; I wanted to prove that it was all still deserving of love and wanted to heal ALL of it right now

What harm did my problem behavior cause?
loss of trust
loss of privileges
convinced that this event PROVED that the past 8 weeks were "not real"
realized that even though team said "gaining weight and eating 100%" is real progress/healing, my efforts TO do that even extra, to "impress them" with my "dedication to doing as I was told" even if I was terrified, only made me shut off my ability to care at ALL, because I STILL did everything I was supposed to and STILL TOTALLY MESSED EVERYTHING UP & DISAPPOINTED PEOPLE.

6)Prevention plans:
Ways to reduce my vulnerability in the future:
★ Be vigilant about my thought processes! (I need to remember that not doing 1000% of everything all the time doesn't mean I'm lying about caring. I am ALLOWED to think for myself; and making "easy" &/or "simple" choices is NOT "brazenly spiteful" or "morally lax.")
★ Stop trying to be a people-pleasing hyperperfectionist, and CALM DOWN. Anxiety = dissociation = lapses!!

Ways to prevent precipitating event from happening again:
★Don't do it alone. (the panacea, really.) You have D.I.D. for heaven's sake; WORK TOGETHER!!! Take a 5m break, breathe, go inside where you can BE YOU, and TALK IT OUT! But do stick to that time limit (you can, and HAVE), and whatever Laurie says DO IT. ♥ The past 9 years have proved her good judgment! Most importantly, STAY TRUE TO YOU, whatever that takes. Don't "perform" or try to be "what other people (allegedly) want/ expect you to be." It only causes problems like this one!!

7) Plans to repair, correct, and overcorrect the harm:
R= fully admit my foolishness to staff (we did talk about this; also this sheet)
C= LEARN why I did it // how to correct/ transmute those thoughts // be EXTRA VIGILANT in future situations like this one-- write down reminders & carry them with you if you must!! (PREVENT MEMORY LAPSE)
O= Practice CHALLENGING those compulsions-- next time, don't get ANY mayo, just to prove THAT'S OK!!! You can STILL like it-- AND THAT'S ALLOWED, TOO, even if others hate it!-- even if you don't eat it all the time! (fear of ingratitude/ selfish uncaring) You DON'T have to CONSTANTLY "PROVE" THAT YOUR GOOD FEELINGS ARE REAL. It is OK to like things! You DON'T have to eat EVERYTHING you ------ hate/fear them, OR --- [??? page bottom cut off]

3-Step thought records! (situation/ thought/ feeling/ rating)

★ write down thoughts = KEEP TRACK & STAY COHERENT = once written, they leave your head
★ pinpoint "what thought STARTED all of this?"
★ allows for thought-by-thought discretion: CHALLENGE them; distorted or True?
★ if DISTORTED, do the 5-step TRANSMUTE/HEAL process

DISTORTION = falsehood assumed to be truth; BODY IMAGE especially here = "FUNHOUSE MIRROR"
- assumptions based on negativity being viewed as "facts"
★ FEEL AWFUL; perpetuate vice, block virtues
★COMMUNICATION/ COMPASSION CONQUER THEM!!

★DISTORTIONS★
1) ALL OR NOTHING (no grey)
2) OVERGENERALIZATION (pattern)
3) MENTAL FILTER (dark glasses)
4) DISCOUNTING POSITIVE (no worth to)
5) JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
6) CATASTROPHIZING (worst end)
7) SHOULD/SHOULDN'T (obligation)

★LOTS OF "PERFECTIONISM" ROOTS: PRIDE, FEAR, DESPAIR, SELFCONSCIOUS
★VIRTUES CONQUER THEM ALL! LOVE, FORGIVENESS, HOPE, JOY! +


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DBT 061617

RATIONAL MIND = Decisions based on FACTS, not FEELINGS!!!
★judges, lawyers, etc.

WISE MIND = considers BOTH minds!!

★emotional mind's biggest gift is EMPATHY! wise mind gives it PRUDENCE!!

"HOW" SKILLS: being mindful in a crisis

1) non-judgmental
- if we don't have the big picture, we tend to ASSUME?
- can be POSITIVE or NEGATIVE = labels; not always true!
- AS FACTUAL AS POSSIBLE! "same conclusion from different people" (describing a chair)

2) be one-mindfully
- focus on ONE THING at a time IN THE MOMENT!
- vigilance for YOUR sake AND others!

3) effectiveness
- what works for ME? POSITIVELY/ HEALTHILY!!

------------------------------------------------

DON'T THINK DISTORTEDLY!!!

Problem: scared of going home // horribly depressed at home

1) specific reasons WHY the problem exists

- scared of cramped, cluttered, dark environment
- no space to "call my own"
- lots of noise and virtually impossible to find quiet
- minimal access to safe coping skills/ activities
- feeling trapped, stagnant, "swept up"
- lots of traumatic-memory triggers, esp. environmental
- hyperfocus OR ostracization from family
- feel hopeless, futureless, aimless, lost
- overwhelmed by family/ church responsibilities
- feel obligated to/ dependent on serving family
- I'm just miserable there for some reason
- prone to E.D. & S.A. behaviors as a result
- unable to express myself genuinely w/o threat, danger
- high-stress, anxious, angry, noisy environment


2) possible solutions

- MOVE OUT
- isolate self outdoors? (impractical)
- spend less time AT home: travel (need $$ though, AND places to sleep/ work creatively)
- go back to school & dorm? (need $$)
- make friends & stay with them?
★ stay with dad instead/ temporarily?
- look into shelters & such
★ TELL FAM WHY I'M UPSET SO WE CAN ALL WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW, HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT!!!


★would you STILL be scared if, theoretically, the family had "moved into a different house?"

· NO = no environmental trauma triggers, possible own room/ open space/ light, NO CLUTTER, NO HOARDS

· YES = still living w/ anxious & noisy & angry people, and that seems to be the main factor?
BUT!!
-grandma would be MUCH HAPPIER in a clean house
- my bros would be MUCH HAPPIER with their own spaces & privacy
- viral would probably also benefit greatly from "non-trauma" environment

RECOVERY PLANNING = TIME MANAGEMENT!

★recovery is INTERNAL & EXTERNAL! and CONTINUAL!

★EXPECT SLIPS; but get back up & continue even stronger than before!

------------------------------------------------

TIME= not too busy OR too bored, so to speak!

★LEARN TO SAY "NO" when a "yes" would be unhealthy AT THAT TIME!!

★PRIORITIZING: wants vs NEEDS!
"what is TRULY important in my life?"

★needs = SURVIVAL; health of body, mind, AND soul
- food, rest, hygiene, shelter, etc.
- emotional stability, mental healthy, relapse prevention, etc.
- career, finances, education, etc.

★REALISTIC to-do lists; tangible goals, sense of accomplishment/ progress
★DELEGATION: let others help you! ★HUMILITY/ LOVE/ APPRECIATION
★you CAN'T do EVERYTHING; sometimes to properly meet NEEDS, you HAVE to let others do some of the things you feel YOU must do

★FREE TIME/ EXTRA TIME: reduce stress & just be!!
★REMEMBER CHRISTMAS 2013!! ♥ THAT'S good freetime use!

★HEALTHY stress relief: you're ALLOWED to take time to do those things!! ♥
★fit prudently INTO schedule!!

~KNOW THYSELF!~

"Do the MOST with your time in the HEALTHIEST way!!"

★OVERCOME PROCRASTINATION = if it needs to be done, DO IT!

SELF ESTEEM ★humility + compassion + hope + courage

("whether you believe you can or cannot… you're right!")

★SELF ESTEEM IS NOT "PRIDE!"

★don't discount the positives-- THEY are what's REAL!

★SELF = INTERNAL

"you are NOT what happened to you/ what you struggle with"

1) ALL have infinite/eternal worth as people
2) ALL are equally worthy of value, despite differences

061217 DBT Distraction

★burning coal analogy = pick it up barehanded, or with gloves!
- the GLOVES are distraction techniques!
- the COAL is a distressing situation!
★YOUR "prove I'm strong" instinct is to do it BAREHANDED.
but remember-- sure, you can, but it WILL BURN.
so take that into account, dude.
if you can't handle the pain, don't risk it, please.
if you're already covered in burns, don't make it worse.

★"A.C.C.E.P.T.S."

061117 DBT emotion regulation

emotions = try not to LABEL; it's how you USE/ MANAGE them!
(think of the Spectrum!)

★ emotional "numbness" = VERY PROBLEMATIC!!
★ emotions "triggered" by CONTEXT/ ENVIRONMENT

★ emotional vulnerability is VITAL to REALLY LIVE
but you also have to be PRUDENT.
vulnerability is only scary if it's tied to helplessness.
but vulnerability can also be a HUGE boon to STRENGTH!!!

★ HEALTHY CATHARSIS!!!
find outputs for emotions that you "don't know how" to express verbally, or that you can't handle safely w/o overwhelm?

ANGER= exercise, sports, sparring?
- physically "spend" the anger as fuel

SADNESS= sad movies w/ HAPPY ENDINGS
- express it, "safe crying," then SOOTHE

ANXIETY= short term "it's OK" reassurances? "not as scary as it seems"

MANIA=

CONFUSION=

DESPAIR= Scripture, Laurie quotes

EXPRESSING POSITIVE FEELINGS

is a slight problem in my life.

Describe the reason for this answer:
- I feel ashamed/guilty of being positive when someone else is suffering; feels ignorant?
- I feel like my positivity is fake, put-on, foolish, or "manipulative"
- I feel my levels of positivity expression are socially/ situationally inappropriate or unwise


Positive feelings that are the easiest for me to express include:
- Gratitude, appreciation
- Peace, harmony
- Hope, courage

Positive feels that are the most difficult for me to express include:
- Love, affection
- Joy, excitement, interest, enjoyment
- Support, concern, inspiration, motivation, care


BOREDOM
is a "slight problem" in my life.

Describe the reason for this answer:
- I feel too tired, sad, mentally exhausted to restart most of my creative work
- Feeling "not allowed" to take time for myself/ my interests due to other responsibilities/ caretaking

I enjoy the following hobbies or activities:
- going outside & literally just wandering around
- building things/ putting things together? "ARTISTIC" construction
- playing music skillfully but w/o an audience or performance criteria
- researching things I find interesting & creatively building upon them

As a result of my addiction, I gave up these activities:
- playing/composing music, reading, researching, studying language, writing, journaling, exploring, jogging, going to choral concerts, going to school, playing good video games, watching good movies, traveling, going places socially but safely, Scripture study, volunteering, working out, painting, color studies & design, working w/ dad, cleaning/organizing, finding new music

Of this list, I miss the following activities the most:
- TRAVEL, research & creative-building

New activities or interests that I could get involved with include:
- learning to play cello & harp & drums
- hands on, practical work? like construction or a trade
- robotics? biology? chemistry? physics? LANGUAGE? "structural" studies
- skateboarding? parkour? "free" movement feeling. (Dance??) (SPORTS?)

Are you bored with recovery? If so, explain why:
- I feel stagnant and stuck, like no matter how many obligatory "behavior goals" I meet, deep down I'm still not recovered somewhere important.

What excites me and makes me feel passionate or feel good about my life is:
- MOVEMENT; LEARNING/STUDY
- Anything to do with STRUCTURE?
- Going outside, seeing new things
- helping others w/o being shackled to repetition/stagnancy?

My goal in relation to my boredom is:
- to not feel guilty/ ashamed/ angry about wanting to do truly nice enjoyable things
- to not feel guilty/ ashamed about being my OWN person with my OWN interests
- to schedule these good things SOLIDLY into my DAILY routing and STICK TO 'EM

Steps I will take to reach this goal are:
- listing things I enjoy/ want to learn & drafting a tentative "schedule" for them, PRUDENTLY
- trying, however briefly, one new thing every day-- even if just researching a new thing, walking somewhere new, trying a new food, etc.
★ACCOMPLISHABLE WITHIN A DAY WITHOUT PILING UP!!! "done and done"

Potential benefits of reaching my goal are:
- a richer, happier, freer, brighter, fuller, more joyous & alive life experience
- the ability to DO more; to feel more "a part of" the world and its people & THEIR lives




DEPRESSION
is a "serious problem" in my life.

Depression has affected my life in the following ways:
- not caring about treatment anymore, lack of motivation, future feels empty & stagnant

I am currently depressed because:
- I'm not letting myself BE myself; I'm so scared of going "home" that I'm letting it drain all the joy out of the present

Do you have a lot of negative, pessimistic, or depressing thoughts? Explain:
- I feel that optimism & "hoping for the best" is childish & stupid? "Look at all the pain in the world-- what maes you think YOU deserve any better??" Feel that peace/ joy/ health is "a sign that I'm not fighting demons anymore" NOT out of victory, but out of MORALLY CORRUPT PRIDE/ SELF-SATISFACTION.

My addiction and my depression are connected in the following ways:
- I DON'T HAVE an eating disorder OR substance addiction UNLESS I'M DEPRESSED. 


FEELING EMPTY
is a moderate problem in my life.

What makes me feel good about myself or feel a sense of purpose and satisfaction is:
- Helping others heal in concrete ways, but STILL being able to help myself heal in the process; doing creative arts (music, painting, writing) that have end results that really touch people's hearts

I feel like I am not using my talents, abilities or creativity. Explain:
- I feel obligated to just "hang around the house" for emotional/social support, and am therefore barred from travel, study, art, & music?

My use of alcohol or other drugs affected my feeling empty or joyless by:
- Taking up ALL my free time & money & attention, robbing me of BOTH my opportunities and ability to be creatively productive, AND of my opportunities/ abilities to honestly, tangibly help other people heal & grow & better their lives

I do feel connected to God or a Higher Power. Explain:
- I do, powerfully so, but I am terrified that He wants me to ONLY cater to others? I want to use my GOD-GIVEN TALENTS to help people grow closer to God, too-- AND to be a LIVING testament to Him in my DAILY LIFE, no matter WHERE OR WHAT I'm doing!! I want to stay in the Church, but ALSO CARRY the Church in my heart!!!

Steps I will take to overcome feelings of emptiness:
- Set short/ medium/ long term goals that are achievable & not overwhelming
- Schedule my days & weeks, INCLUDING "simple things time" to just recharge & relax!!
- Nurture my relationships & community responsibilities PRUDENTLY = no burnout!!

Potential benefits of reaching this goal:
- Not overwhelmed but not empty either!
- Restored sense of progress, purpose, helpfulness, joy, & excitement for daily life



GRIEF
is a moderate problem in my life.

List any losses you believe are contributing to your grief:
- Loss of family connections/interaction
- Loss of friendships-- Jacob, Melody, Braeden, Kinsara, E? Oliver?
- Loss of sense of supportive creative community-- Jimmy, Ben, Dare
- Loss of educational career
- Loss of LIFE/TIME due to trauma/ mental illness
- Loss of past creative works

Describe your grief in relation to losses listed above. Focus on your feelings and thoughts.
- I feel aimless & identity-shaken
- I feel isolated
- I feel "barred" from the possibility of a healthy future in the "real world"
- I feel trapped & scared

Describe how your grief has affected your substance use, physical heath and mental health.
- I turned to the E.D. to fill the "endless empty space" associated w/ lack of future hopes



GUILT AND SHAME
are a severe problem in my life.

Behaviors or actions on my part during my active addiction that I feel guilty about include:
- Stealing money to use on the addiction, wasting food & money, wasting OTHERS' food & money, lying, hiding, cheating, manipulating others, not spending time w/family, not realizing/caring how the addiction affected them, bringing shame & misery onto my family

Of these behaviors, the ones I feel the most guilt about are:
- Stealing
- Lying
- Not spending time with my family
- Skipping/ abandoning community obligations

My addiction changed me in the following ways:
- IT DIDN'T.
All that junk was a TEMPORARY LIE.
I'm just so, so distraught that it happened.

My goal in relation to my feelings of guilt and shame is:
- To not hate myself for the horrible things I did while I was sick, but would NEVER do sober
- To restore, as much as possible, my family's trust/ love/ forgiveness towards me
- To focus on a NEW life AWAY from my foolish past mistakes & poor choices

Steps I will take to reach this goal are:
- Focus on the Good that is STILL IN ME
- Admit flat-out what I did and contritely ask for forgiveness
- Make amends by helping others heal, replacing what I took/ damaged/ destroyed, and PROVING BY MY ACTIONS THAT I AM HEALED!

Potential benefits of reaching my goal are:
- Restored family harmony
- Restored sense of self-respect and hope
- A will to live

things to do over this special weekend:

- make mix CDs for mom, grandma, the boys, dad, & Jessie! ♥
- GO TO THE MOVIES and EAT CHEESE FRIES w/ GENESIS
- go out to eat w/ grandma & grandpa
- give ALL book boxes back to St. Johns
- ORDER & BUY NEW CLOTHES = reflect your heart!!
- buy ONE "challenge meal"? OR, one "celebratory" meal? (healed!)
- go to ONE restaurant by yourself?

★LOOK UP COOL PLACES IN HERSHEY
★PLAN WHAT TO BACK FOR THE TIME AT CIOCI ANN'S

★SYSTEM PLAYLISTS + CDS
(ALL relevance/ resonance; even old stuff)

CBT 060717

"PROBLEM SOLVING TREES"

Problem:
Desired outcome:

Step 1) Identify the problem = SPECIFICS!
(behavior, situation, time, etc.)
really get to the ROOT: get as much info as possible!

Step 2) Generate possible solutions = pros/ cons for each
(think creatively?)
don't rule ANYTHING out! they're ALL helpful!

Step 3) Decide on a solution
don't perfectionize! pick one that feels optimal and GIVE IT A SHOT! ♥

Step 4) Evaluate the Outcome = how'd it work?
(ask for feedback if needed?)
be honest but grateful, realistic but bright-eyed

Step 5) Try another solution if #4 didn’t work well!
be like a kid = excited about lessons & possibilities! no matter what, you'll find what WORKS, AND what DOESN'T!


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060517 DBT DISTRESS TOLERANCE

- think of the Spectrum. even the "stressed" parts of us exist for a REASON!
★stress is UNAVOIDABLE, bucko. you just gotta COPE!
- Love conquers all, kid! God's hand is in ALL THINGS at ALL TIMES!!!
★THOUGHT-RESPONSE MANAGEMENT IS KEY!
- YOUR mental reaction to a situation DETERMINES how you FEEL ABOUT IT!!

------------------------------------------------

today's focus: DISTRACTION as a coping skill
- it "stops" negative thought process loops in a VERY powerful but gentle way

★get a POSITIVE DISTRACTION LIST!!
- require INTENSE FOCUS!
★ALSO put together a "DISTRACTION KIT" or something to have quick access to these things in a crisis!
★include PICTURES of System folks, Switzerland, snow, sparkly things, etc.

- paintblots (even just looking at old ones is helpful!)
- klonoa, nier, dishonored,sonic, pokemon (BE FEARLESS!)
- listening to music (esp. love/hope resonant; "edible")
- playing/composing music (freely so! let it just flow!)
- reading (esp. Leaguework! it ALWAYS helps so much. ♥)
- going outside (and WANDER in WONDER like a child! ♥)
- exercise/ sports? (channel Jasper or Psyche, too, if needed!)
- sewing (by hand, ideally; requires more meditative focus)
- cleaning/organizing (a little at a time; get it DONE! ♥)
- watching good tv/ movies (SU especially! do movie nights!)
- research (but LIMIT IT; don't open like 50 tabs, dude)


A= ACTIVITY (do something you love & enjoy; "re-tune" yourself to what's GOOD

C= CONTRIBUTING (make yourself sincerely available to help others; donate TIME!)

C= COMPARISON (remember good things & blessings; SEE that silver lining!)

E= EMOTION (replace negatives with positives! chin up and HEART-POWER THROUGH!)

P= PUSH AWAY (temporarily distance self from situation; wait until the storm passes)

T= TAKE CONTROL (of your THOUGHTS! "how do I WANT to respond/ feel?")

S= SENSATIONS (smell candles, hold ice, look at bright colors, cold shower, etc.)

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060417

worries about going "home" =

- no job opportunities other than packaging plants/ retail
- "stuck in past" feeling
- limited places to go, esp. to buy food
- no nearby public transportation
- can't walk anywhere
- "everybody knows your OLD name," so to speak
- feel like there's no growth in my life there
- future possibilities seem distant & intangible
- feel bound to a repeating loop of day-to-day inert routine
- hard to find room to "creatively expand"
- very little non-church social connection
- can't live on my own there (yet?)

★I want to start a NEW life as literally as possible. I've been given a second chance and I want to USE IT for the glory of God the Creator AND the good of others… and, I will admit, I want to LIVE, too.

Before I was just "existing." There's a difference between "being happy w/ a simple life" and "ignoring your calling & stagnating." No wonder I developed an addiction-- I was SO DEPRESSED from feeling so STUCK. I was in a looping inert situation, not fully using my gifts. Yes I loved helping my church, but even then, I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was OUTSIDE of church. Church is OUTSIDE of spacetime; I felt "at home" THERE. I never wanted to leave. BUT I NEED to build a NEW LIFE where my faith is not struggling to thrive in the face of my "living situation."

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060417

LOOK INTO…

- places to live in Pittsburgh/Hershey?
- convents near Hershey
- cost of living in Pennsylvania; city variations
- cost of living per state
- climates per state, vs PA
- homes/ apartments for rent in "hometown" areas/counties
- homes/ apartments for rent in PA
- where is JMC right now? how is she?
- rate of Catholicism per state
- how to move out of USA
- what countries allow USA immigrants
- how to travel cheaply, especially w/o own car
- "bare minimum" travel gear/ packing
- how to bus-hop or train-hop across USA
- couchsurfing safety, tips, etc.
- housing/ shelter options for vagrants in USA
- LGBTQIA friendly states/ cities
- education opportunities
- education costs
- scholarships for returning/ adult students?
- adult responsibility "getting started" help
- medicaid insurance acceptance rate?
- cost of insurances
- can you get extra income on disability
- get paid to blog; how
- screenprinting shirts
- acrylic-like fabric paints
- states w/ cleanest tap water
- states w/ most woodlands AND social progress
- how to earn money without a job
- OKC
- make friends in other states
- rights we have in USA vs other countries
- pay rate yearly for carpenters, plumbers, landscaping, interior design, culinary arts, other "hands on" jobs
- skills needed for ^ jobs, + education
- job fields desperate for workers; "high demand" and/or necessary work
- bills, banks, taxes, etc. financial responsibilities


LIST:

- all types of breads/grains
- all kinds of cheese
- all kinds of meat (+ high protein foods in comparison)
- all kinds of vegetables
- all kinds of fruit
- all flavors of ice cream
- all flavors of yogurt
- all kinds of cereal
- "COMBINATION FOODS" (sandwiches, even)
- RECIPE SITES
- pinterest? tumblr? (for recipes)
- ethnic foods
- study of taste?
- flavor interplays
- PLACES TO BUY GOOD FOOD (countrywide)


★self-publishing
★website hosting
★wacom tablets
"minimize" amount of carryable tablets; PUBLISH SERIES!!!


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060417

future "shopping list" / "meal planning" ideas

★best to BUY DAILY, like in SLC AND COPE; live somewhere where you can WALK to stores!
★the more uneaten food you have sitting around, the more prone you are to RELAPSE r/n. our future goal is to be 100% free from all such inclinations! BUT we MUST AVOID ALL POTENTIAL "TEMPTATIONS" until our mind & heart are solidly stable!

· buffets, like at Presby, are a nice option
· restaurants, diners, etc. are too expensive to frequent
· buy single-serve items whenever possible
· COMPARE PRICES ^ vs bulk
· for non-perishables, UTILIZE PORTION-CONTROLLED STORAGE
· keep uneaten food OUT OF ACCESS outside of meals; lock it up if you must
· spend as much time OUTDOORS/ away from food as possible

★ I want to be able to live MINIMALISTICALLY!!! ideally, you should be able to PACK UP & MOVE ON A WHIM. totally pare down your belongings.

060317 CBT

★re-framing/ transmuting thoughts
★THOUGHT RECORDS (+trees)

1) what's happening factually/ Who is involved/ etc. = OBJECTIVE
2) What am I thinking about it? What am I feeling about it? = SUBJECTIVE

★DO THIS IN WRITING. Thoughts are like dominoes! One leads to another, and you can easily lose focus/ get overwhelmed.

★In writing, you can INDIVIDUALLY DISSECT EACH THOUGHT.
- which are factual?
- which are distorted?
- which are automatic?

★automatic thoughts = they "just occur"; DON'T need triggers; habitual; patterns
- need to RECOGNIZE them in order to challenge roots/ transmute them
(influenced by past, beliefs, social pressure, context, exposure to other's same thoughts, etc.)
★"WHY am I repeatedly having this thought?" "WHERE is this thought coming from?" (see above)

★CORE BELIEFS = "roots" of thought/behavior trees; affect IDENTITY?
-start in CHILDHOOD: assumptions of normalcy, disciplinary teachings, morals, etc.
- VALUES^; "set of standards that you live by"

★YOU DON'T HAVE TO ADHERE TO ALL LEARNED CORE BELIEFS
- respect differences on BOTH SIDES!
★challenging family beliefs is NOT challenging them as people!!
their beliefs are based on THEIR experiences; they're NOT "hard & fast rules!!!"

The new fat on my body
holds healing.

It's GOOD.
100%, tangibly.

It's storing ALL the healing,
all the hope,
all the faith,
all the Love,
that I've put INTO my meals here,
and which now are literally part of me
for life's sake,
for the energy to LIVE,
IN those Good joyful virtues.


I'm not scared anymore. ♥