UPMC PAPERS + WORKBOOKS JUNE 2017
Jun. 2nd, 2017 10:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prismaticbleedCBT 061717
3-Step thought records! (situation/ thought/ feeling/ rating)
★ write down thoughts = KEEP TRACK & STAY COHERENT = once written, they leave your head
★ pinpoint "what thought STARTED all of this?"
★ allows for thought-by-thought discretion: CHALLENGE them; distorted or True?
★ if DISTORTED, do the 5-step TRANSMUTE/HEAL process
DISTORTION = falsehood assumed to be truth; BODY IMAGE especially here = "FUNHOUSE MIRROR"
- assumptions based on negativity being viewed as "facts"
★ FEEL AWFUL; perpetuate vice, block virtues
★COMMUNICATION/ COMPASSION CONQUER THEM!!
★DISTORTIONS★
1) ALL OR NOTHING (no grey)
2) OVERGENERALIZATION (pattern)
3) MENTAL FILTER (dark glasses)
4) DISCOUNTING POSITIVE (no worth to)
5) JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
6) CATASTROPHIZING (worst end)
7) SHOULD/SHOULDN'T (obligation)
★LOTS OF "PERFECTIONISM" ROOTS: PRIDE, FEAR, DESPAIR, SELFCONSCIOUS
★VIRTUES CONQUER THEM ALL! LOVE, FORGIVENESS, HOPE, JOY! +
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DBT 061617
RATIONAL MIND = Decisions based on FACTS, not FEELINGS!!!
★judges, lawyers, etc.
WISE MIND = considers BOTH minds!!
★emotional mind's biggest gift is EMPATHY! wise mind gives it PRUDENCE!!
"HOW" SKILLS: being mindful in a crisis
1) non-judgmental
- if we don't have the big picture, we tend to ASSUME?
- can be POSITIVE or NEGATIVE = labels; not always true!
- AS FACTUAL AS POSSIBLE! "same conclusion from different people" (describing a chair)
2) be one-mindfully
- focus on ONE THING at a time IN THE MOMENT!
- vigilance for YOUR sake AND others!
3) effectiveness
- what works for ME? POSITIVELY/ HEALTHILY!!
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DON'T THINK DISTORTEDLY!!!
Problem: scared of going home // horribly depressed at home
1) specific reasons WHY the problem exists
- scared of cramped, cluttered, dark environment
- no space to "call my own"
- lots of noise and virtually impossible to find quiet
- minimal access to safe coping skills/ activities
- feeling trapped, stagnant, "swept up"
- lots of traumatic-memory triggers, esp. environmental
- hyperfocus OR ostracization from family
- feel hopeless, futureless, aimless, lost
- overwhelmed by family/ church responsibilities
- feel obligated to/ dependent on serving family
- I'm just miserable there for some reason
- prone to E.D. & S.A. behaviors as a result
- unable to express myself genuinely w/o threat, danger
- high-stress, anxious, angry, noisy environment
2) possible solutions
- MOVE OUT
- isolate self outdoors? (impractical)
- spend less time AT home: travel (need $$ though, AND places to sleep/ work creatively)
- go back to school & dorm? (need $$)
- make friends & stay with them?
★ stay with dad instead/ temporarily?
- look into shelters & such
★ TELL FAM WHY I'M UPSET SO WE CAN ALL WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW, HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT!!!
★would you STILL be scared if, theoretically, the family had "moved into a different house?"
· NO = no environmental trauma triggers, possible own room/ open space/ light, NO CLUTTER, NO HOARDS
· YES = still living w/ anxious & noisy & angry people, and that seems to be the main factor?
BUT!!
-grandma would be MUCH HAPPIER in a clean house
- my bros would be MUCH HAPPIER with their own spaces & privacy
- viral would probably also benefit greatly from "non-trauma" environment
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RECOVERY PLANNING 061517
RECOVERY PLANNING = TIME MANAGEMENT!
★recovery is INTERNAL & EXTERNAL! and CONTINUAL!
★EXPECT SLIPS; but get back up & continue even stronger than before!
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TIME= not too busy OR too bored, so to speak!
★LEARN TO SAY "NO" when a "yes" would be unhealthy AT THAT TIME!!
★PRIORITIZING: wants vs NEEDS!
"what is TRULY important in my life?"
★needs = SURVIVAL; health of body, mind, AND soul
- food, rest, hygiene, shelter, etc.
- emotional stability, mental healthy, relapse prevention, etc.
- career, finances, education, etc.
★REALISTIC to-do lists; tangible goals, sense of accomplishment/ progress
★DELEGATION: let others help you! ★HUMILITY/ LOVE/ APPRECIATION
★you CAN'T do EVERYTHING; sometimes to properly meet NEEDS, you HAVE to let others do some of the things you feel YOU must do
★FREE TIME/ EXTRA TIME: reduce stress & just be!!
★REMEMBER CHRISTMAS 2013!! ♥ THAT'S good freetime use!
★HEALTHY stress relief: you're ALLOWED to take time to do those things!! ♥
★fit prudently INTO schedule!!
~KNOW THYSELF!~
"Do the MOST with your time in the HEALTHIEST way!!"
★OVERCOME PROCRASTINATION = if it needs to be done, DO IT!
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061317
SELF ESTEEM ★humility + compassion + hope + courage
("whether you believe you can or cannot… you're right!")
★SELF ESTEEM IS NOT "PRIDE!"
★don't discount the positives-- THEY are what's REAL!
★SELF = INTERNAL
"you are NOT what happened to you/ what you struggle with"
1) ALL have infinite/eternal worth as people
2) ALL are equally worthy of value, despite differences
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061217 DBT Distraction
★burning coal analogy = pick it up barehanded, or with gloves!
- the GLOVES are distraction techniques!
- the COAL is a distressing situation!
★YOUR "prove I'm strong" instinct is to do it BAREHANDED.
but remember-- sure, you can, but it WILL BURN.
so take that into account, dude.
if you can't handle the pain, don't risk it, please.
if you're already covered in burns, don't make it worse.
★"A.C.C.E.P.T.S."
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061117 DBT emotion regulation
emotions = try not to LABEL; it's how you USE/ MANAGE them!
(think of the Spectrum!)
★ emotional "numbness" = VERY PROBLEMATIC!!
★ emotions "triggered" by CONTEXT/ ENVIRONMENT
★ emotional vulnerability is VITAL to REALLY LIVE
but you also have to be PRUDENT.
vulnerability is only scary if it's tied to helplessness.
but vulnerability can also be a HUGE boon to STRENGTH!!!
★ HEALTHY CATHARSIS!!!
find outputs for emotions that you "don't know how" to express verbally, or that you can't handle safely w/o overwhelm?
ANGER= exercise, sports, sparring?
- physically "spend" the anger as fuel
SADNESS= sad movies w/ HAPPY ENDINGS
- express it, "safe crying," then SOOTHE
ANXIETY= short term "it's OK" reassurances? "not as scary as it seems"
MANIA=
CONFUSION=
DESPAIR= Scripture, Laurie quotes
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061117 "COPING WITH FEELINGS AND MOODS" WORKBOOK
EXPRESSING POSITIVE FEELINGS
is a slight problem in my life.
Describe the reason for this answer:
- I feel ashamed/guilty of being positive when someone else is suffering; feels ignorant?
- I feel like my positivity is fake, put-on, foolish, or "manipulative"
- I feel my levels of positivity expression are socially/ situationally inappropriate or unwise
Positive feelings that are the easiest for me to express include:
- Gratitude, appreciation
- Peace, harmony
- Hope, courage
Positive feels that are the most difficult for me to express include:
- Love, affection
- Joy, excitement, interest, enjoyment
- Support, concern, inspiration, motivation, care
BOREDOM
is a "slight problem" in my life.
Describe the reason for this answer:
- I feel too tired, sad, mentally exhausted to restart most of my creative work
- Feeling "not allowed" to take time for myself/ my interests due to other responsibilities/ caretaking
I enjoy the following hobbies or activities:
- going outside & literally just wandering around
- building things/ putting things together? "ARTISTIC" construction
- playing music skillfully but w/o an audience or performance criteria
- researching things I find interesting & creatively building upon them
As a result of my addiction, I gave up these activities:
- playing/composing music, reading, researching, studying language, writing, journaling, exploring, jogging, going to choral concerts, going to school, playing good video games, watching good movies, traveling, going places socially but safely, Scripture study, volunteering, working out, painting, color studies & design, working w/ dad, cleaning/organizing, finding new music
Of this list, I miss the following activities the most:
- TRAVEL, research & creative-building
New activities or interests that I could get involved with include:
- learning to play cello & harp & drums
- hands on, practical work? like construction or a trade
- robotics? biology? chemistry? physics? LANGUAGE? "structural" studies
- skateboarding? parkour? "free" movement feeling. (Dance??) (SPORTS?)
Are you bored with recovery? If so, explain why:
- I feel stagnant and stuck, like no matter how many obligatory "behavior goals" I meet, deep down I'm still not recovered somewhere important.
What excites me and makes me feel passionate or feel good about my life is:
- MOVEMENT; LEARNING/STUDY
- Anything to do with STRUCTURE?
- Going outside, seeing new things
- helping others w/o being shackled to repetition/stagnancy?
My goal in relation to my boredom is:
- to not feel guilty/ ashamed/ angry about wanting to do truly nice enjoyable things
- to not feel guilty/ ashamed about being my OWN person with my OWN interests
- to schedule these good things SOLIDLY into my DAILY routing and STICK TO 'EM
Steps I will take to reach this goal are:
- listing things I enjoy/ want to learn & drafting a tentative "schedule" for them, PRUDENTLY
- trying, however briefly, one new thing every day-- even if just researching a new thing, walking somewhere new, trying a new food, etc.
★ACCOMPLISHABLE WITHIN A DAY WITHOUT PILING UP!!! "done and done"
Potential benefits of reaching my goal are:
- a richer, happier, freer, brighter, fuller, more joyous & alive life experience
- the ability to DO more; to feel more "a part of" the world and its people & THEIR lives
DEPRESSION
is a "serious problem" in my life.
Depression has affected my life in the following ways:
- not caring about treatment anymore, lack of motivation, future feels empty & stagnant
I am currently depressed because:
- I'm not letting myself BE myself; I'm so scared of going "home" that I'm letting it drain all the joy out of the present
Do you have a lot of negative, pessimistic, or depressing thoughts? Explain:
- I feel that optimism & "hoping for the best" is childish & stupid? "Look at all the pain in the world-- what maes you think YOU deserve any better??" Feel that peace/ joy/ health is "a sign that I'm not fighting demons anymore" NOT out of victory, but out of MORALLY CORRUPT PRIDE/ SELF-SATISFACTION.
My addiction and my depression are connected in the following ways:
- I DON'T HAVE an eating disorder OR substance addiction UNLESS I'M DEPRESSED.
FEELING EMPTY
is a moderate problem in my life.
What makes me feel good about myself or feel a sense of purpose and satisfaction is:
- Helping others heal in concrete ways, but STILL being able to help myself heal in the process; doing creative arts (music, painting, writing) that have end results that really touch people's hearts
I feel like I am not using my talents, abilities or creativity. Explain:
- I feel obligated to just "hang around the house" for emotional/social support, and am therefore barred from travel, study, art, & music?
My use of alcohol or other drugs affected my feeling empty or joyless by:
- Taking up ALL my free time & money & attention, robbing me of BOTH my opportunities and ability to be creatively productive, AND of my opportunities/ abilities to honestly, tangibly help other people heal & grow & better their lives
I do feel connected to God or a Higher Power. Explain:
- I do, powerfully so, but I am terrified that He wants me to ONLY cater to others? I want to use my GOD-GIVEN TALENTS to help people grow closer to God, too-- AND to be a LIVING testament to Him in my DAILY LIFE, no matter WHERE OR WHAT I'm doing!! I want to stay in the Church, but ALSO CARRY the Church in my heart!!!
Steps I will take to overcome feelings of emptiness:
- Set short/ medium/ long term goals that are achievable & not overwhelming
- Schedule my days & weeks, INCLUDING "simple things time" to just recharge & relax!!
- Nurture my relationships & community responsibilities PRUDENTLY = no burnout!!
Potential benefits of reaching this goal:
- Not overwhelmed but not empty either!
- Restored sense of progress, purpose, helpfulness, joy, & excitement for daily life
GRIEF
is a moderate problem in my life.
List any losses you believe are contributing to your grief:
- Loss of family connections/interaction
- Loss of friendships-- Jacob, Melody, Braeden, Kinsara, E? Oliver?
- Loss of sense of supportive creative community-- Jimmy, Ben, Dare
- Loss of educational career
- Loss of LIFE/TIME due to trauma/ mental illness
- Loss of past creative works
Describe your grief in relation to losses listed above. Focus on your feelings and thoughts.
- I feel aimless & identity-shaken
- I feel isolated
- I feel "barred" from the possibility of a healthy future in the "real world"
- I feel trapped & scared
Describe how your grief has affected your substance use, physical heath and mental health.
- I turned to the E.D. to fill the "endless empty space" associated w/ lack of future hopes
GUILT AND SHAME
are a severe problem in my life.
Behaviors or actions on my part during my active addiction that I feel guilty about include:
- Stealing money to use on the addiction, wasting food & money, wasting OTHERS' food & money, lying, hiding, cheating, manipulating others, not spending time w/family, not realizing/caring how the addiction affected them, bringing shame & misery onto my family
Of these behaviors, the ones I feel the most guilt about are:
- Stealing
- Lying
- Not spending time with my family
- Skipping/ abandoning community obligations
My addiction changed me in the following ways:
- IT DIDN'T.
All that junk was a TEMPORARY LIE.
I'm just so, so distraught that it happened.
My goal in relation to my feelings of guilt and shame is:
- To not hate myself for the horrible things I did while I was sick, but would NEVER do sober
- To restore, as much as possible, my family's trust/ love/ forgiveness towards me
- To focus on a NEW life AWAY from my foolish past mistakes & poor choices
Steps I will take to reach this goal are:
- Focus on the Good that is STILL IN ME
- Admit flat-out what I did and contritely ask for forgiveness
- Make amends by helping others heal, replacing what I took/ damaged/ destroyed, and PROVING BY MY ACTIONS THAT I AM HEALED!
Potential benefits of reaching my goal are:
- Restored family harmony
- Restored sense of self-respect and hope
- A will to live
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060917
things to do over this special weekend:
- make mix CDs for mom, grandma, the boys, dad, & Jessie! ♥
- GO TO THE MOVIES and EAT CHEESE FRIES w/ GENESIS
- go out to eat w/ grandma & grandpa
- give ALL book boxes back to St. Johns
- ORDER & BUY NEW CLOTHES = reflect your heart!!
- buy ONE "challenge meal"? OR, one "celebratory" meal? (healed!)
- go to ONE restaurant by yourself?
★LOOK UP COOL PLACES IN HERSHEY
★PLAN WHAT TO BACK FOR THE TIME AT CIOCI ANN'S
★SYSTEM PLAYLISTS + CDS
(ALL relevance/ resonance; even old stuff)
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CBT 060717
"PROBLEM SOLVING TREES"
Problem:
Desired outcome:
Step 1) Identify the problem = SPECIFICS!
(behavior, situation, time, etc.)
really get to the ROOT: get as much info as possible!
Step 2) Generate possible solutions = pros/ cons for each
(think creatively?)
don't rule ANYTHING out! they're ALL helpful!
Step 3) Decide on a solution
don't perfectionize! pick one that feels optimal and GIVE IT A SHOT! ♥
Step 4) Evaluate the Outcome = how'd it work?
(ask for feedback if needed?)
be honest but grateful, realistic but bright-eyed
Step 5) Try another solution if #4 didn’t work well!
be like a kid = excited about lessons & possibilities! no matter what, you'll find what WORKS, AND what DOESN'T!
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060517 DBT DISTRESS TOLERANCE
- think of the Spectrum. even the "stressed" parts of us exist for a REASON!
★stress is UNAVOIDABLE, bucko. you just gotta COPE!
- Love conquers all, kid! God's hand is in ALL THINGS at ALL TIMES!!!
★THOUGHT-RESPONSE MANAGEMENT IS KEY!
- YOUR mental reaction to a situation DETERMINES how you FEEL ABOUT IT!!
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today's focus: DISTRACTION as a coping skill
- it "stops" negative thought process loops in a VERY powerful but gentle way
★get a POSITIVE DISTRACTION LIST!!
- require INTENSE FOCUS!
★ALSO put together a "DISTRACTION KIT" or something to have quick access to these things in a crisis!
★include PICTURES of System folks, Switzerland, snow, sparkly things, etc.
- paintblots (even just looking at old ones is helpful!)
- klonoa, nier, dishonored,sonic, pokemon (BE FEARLESS!)
- listening to music (esp. love/hope resonant; "edible")
- playing/composing music (freely so! let it just flow!)
- reading (esp. Leaguework! it ALWAYS helps so much. ♥)
- going outside (and WANDER in WONDER like a child! ♥)
- exercise/ sports? (channel Jasper or Psyche, too, if needed!)
- sewing (by hand, ideally; requires more meditative focus)
- cleaning/organizing (a little at a time; get it DONE! ♥)
- watching good tv/ movies (SU especially! do movie nights!)
- research (but LIMIT IT; don't open like 50 tabs, dude)
A= ACTIVITY (do something you love & enjoy; "re-tune" yourself to what's GOOD
C= CONTRIBUTING (make yourself sincerely available to help others; donate TIME!)
C= COMPARISON (remember good things & blessings; SEE that silver lining!)
E= EMOTION (replace negatives with positives! chin up and HEART-POWER THROUGH!)
P= PUSH AWAY (temporarily distance self from situation; wait until the storm passes)
T= TAKE CONTROL (of your THOUGHTS! "how do I WANT to respond/ feel?")
S= SENSATIONS (smell candles, hold ice, look at bright colors, cold shower, etc.)
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060417
worries about going "home" =
- no job opportunities other than packaging plants/ retail
- "stuck in past" feeling
- limited places to go, esp. to buy food
- no nearby public transportation
- can't walk anywhere
- "everybody knows your OLD name," so to speak
- feel like there's no growth in my life there
- future possibilities seem distant & intangible
- feel bound to a repeating loop of day-to-day inert routine
- hard to find room to "creatively expand"
- very little non-church social connection
- can't live on my own there (yet?)
★I want to start a NEW life as literally as possible. I've been given a second chance and I want to USE IT for the glory of God the Creator AND the good of others… and, I will admit, I want to LIVE, too.
Before I was just "existing." There's a difference between "being happy w/ a simple life" and "ignoring your calling & stagnating." No wonder I developed an addiction-- I was SO DEPRESSED from feeling so STUCK. I was in a looping inert situation, not fully using my gifts. Yes I loved helping my church, but even then, I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was OUTSIDE of church. Church is OUTSIDE of spacetime; I felt "at home" THERE. I never wanted to leave. BUT I NEED to build a NEW LIFE where my faith is not struggling to thrive in the face of my "living situation."
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060417
LOOK INTO…
- places to live in Pittsburgh/Hershey?
- convents near Hershey
- cost of living in Pennsylvania; city variations
- cost of living per state
- climates per state, vs PA
- homes/ apartments for rent in "hometown" areas/counties
- homes/ apartments for rent in PA
- where is JMC right now? how is she?
- rate of Catholicism per state
- how to move out of USA
- what countries allow USA immigrants
- how to travel cheaply, especially w/o own car
- "bare minimum" travel gear/ packing
- how to bus-hop or train-hop across USA
- couchsurfing safety, tips, etc.
- housing/ shelter options for vagrants in USA
- LGBTQIA friendly states/ cities
- education opportunities
- education costs
- scholarships for returning/ adult students?
- adult responsibility "getting started" help
- medicaid insurance acceptance rate?
- cost of insurances
- can you get extra income on disability
- get paid to blog; how
- screenprinting shirts
- acrylic-like fabric paints
- states w/ cleanest tap water
- states w/ most woodlands AND social progress
- how to earn money without a job
- OKC
- make friends in other states
- rights we have in USA vs other countries
- pay rate yearly for carpenters, plumbers, landscaping, interior design, culinary arts, other "hands on" jobs
- skills needed for ^ jobs, + education
- job fields desperate for workers; "high demand" and/or necessary work
- bills, banks, taxes, etc. financial responsibilities
LIST:
- all types of breads/grains
- all kinds of cheese
- all kinds of meat (+ high protein foods in comparison)
- all kinds of vegetables
- all kinds of fruit
- all flavors of ice cream
- all flavors of yogurt
- all kinds of cereal
- "COMBINATION FOODS" (sandwiches, even)
- RECIPE SITES
- pinterest? tumblr? (for recipes)
- ethnic foods
- study of taste?
- flavor interplays
- PLACES TO BUY GOOD FOOD (countrywide)
★self-publishing
★website hosting
★wacom tablets
"minimize" amount of carryable tablets; PUBLISH SERIES!!!
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060417
future "shopping list" / "meal planning" ideas
★best to BUY DAILY, like in SLC AND COPE; live somewhere where you can WALK to stores!
★the more uneaten food you have sitting around, the more prone you are to RELAPSE r/n. our future goal is to be 100% free from all such inclinations! BUT we MUST AVOID ALL POTENTIAL "TEMPTATIONS" until our mind & heart are solidly stable!
· buffets, like at Presby, are a nice option
· restaurants, diners, etc. are too expensive to frequent
· buy single-serve items whenever possible
· COMPARE PRICES ^ vs bulk
· for non-perishables, UTILIZE PORTION-CONTROLLED STORAGE
· keep uneaten food OUT OF ACCESS outside of meals; lock it up if you must
· spend as much time OUTDOORS/ away from food as possible
★ I want to be able to live MINIMALISTICALLY!!! ideally, you should be able to PACK UP & MOVE ON A WHIM. totally pare down your belongings.
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060317 CBT
★re-framing/ transmuting thoughts
★THOUGHT RECORDS (+trees)
1) what's happening factually/ Who is involved/ etc. = OBJECTIVE
2) What am I thinking about it? What am I feeling about it? = SUBJECTIVE
★DO THIS IN WRITING. Thoughts are like dominoes! One leads to another, and you can easily lose focus/ get overwhelmed.
★In writing, you can INDIVIDUALLY DISSECT EACH THOUGHT.
- which are factual?
- which are distorted?
- which are automatic?
★automatic thoughts = they "just occur"; DON'T need triggers; habitual; patterns
- need to RECOGNIZE them in order to challenge roots/ transmute them
(influenced by past, beliefs, social pressure, context, exposure to other's same thoughts, etc.)
★"WHY am I repeatedly having this thought?" "WHERE is this thought coming from?" (see above)
★CORE BELIEFS = "roots" of thought/behavior trees; affect IDENTITY?
-start in CHILDHOOD: assumptions of normalcy, disciplinary teachings, morals, etc.
- VALUES^; "set of standards that you live by"
★YOU DON'T HAVE TO ADHERE TO ALL LEARNED CORE BELIEFS
- respect differences on BOTH SIDES!
★challenging family beliefs is NOT challenging them as people!!
their beliefs are based on THEIR experiences; they're NOT "hard & fast rules!!!"
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060217
The new fat on my body
holds healing.
It's GOOD.
100%, tangibly.
It's storing ALL the healing,
all the hope,
all the faith,
all the Love,
that I've put INTO my meals here,
and which now are literally part of me
for life's sake,
for the energy to LIVE,
IN those Good joyful virtues.
I'm not scared anymore. ♥
