the spectrum heart cathedral system

(no dates listed; range from may 12th to june 17th??)

--------------------------------------------------

biblical meaning of bronze?
sacrificial meal? OT

p61 refs

page 668+ CHERUBIM

★ISAIAH 41 (HOPE!!)

isaiah 47:2-3, 8-13 // 8:22

jeremiah 14:7-10, 11-16!
1 Chronicles: 28:3, 6-10?
★Deuteronomy 7:15-26! (esp.22)

WISDOM
★DEUTERONOMY 8

why did semitic peoples worship calves?

--------------------------------------------------

(june? last page in back)

"cute gross" concept? (japanese artists)
"candygore," sparkly body substances (vomit, mucus, etc.),
★ turning the "gross" into something "beautiful?"promotes acceptance of those things normally, instead of denial/condemnation!!

--------------------------------------------------

♫"good, good, good to be alive right about now."♫

(look up history of Syria?)
"In Syria one can literally learn the history of the world"

★DAMASCUS!! (oasis, EDEN)
★ "new ways destroy old virtues"
★ "the eye also feasts"

"But how can I complain?
I have chosen to go alone of my own free will.
That is the challenge, and I must meet it."
-Naomi Uemura

"It is useless to dwell on the mishaps that delayed me, and perhaps prevented me from arriving first. I have done my best in my own way, as I am sure they have done in theirs.
To resent their success would be unworthy. Instead, I feel gratitude for having come safely so far. May the rest go as safely."
♥

★ "Above all, I think of my wife, Kimiko, in Japan, and the thought brings both longing and regret. Because of such expeditions as this, I have never given her a normal married life. Instead, I have left her at home with her constant fears for my safety and have done exactly what I wished to do.
Perhaps she and all those whose thoughts and blessings traveled with me over the long days will take pride in an expedition that would surely have failed without them.
If so, what a happy person I am!"
-Naomi Uemura, the first man to reach the North Pole alone

--------------------------------------------------

I think I need a girlfriend,
AND
in time
a "boyfriend."
who loves God first.
this needs to heal.

hope never dies.
no good thing ever can.

^ This stuff ONLY becomes a "need" in the absence of INNER SUPPORT and the absence of PRAYER.

--------------------------------------------------

"Druzes are dangerous because they do not fear death.
Every man believes that when he dies he will be instantly reborn as an infant."

★BEDOUINS

"Why did God give us eyes?
To look upon beauty wherever it may be!
(All thanks to God!)"

-kibbe
-Malula
-PALMYRA

★Tall al Masiyah
(TOMB OF JESUS tradition??)

★"the order of Saint Lazarus"

"Perhaps only 1/3 of all Syrian Muslims perform their religious duties.
But the rest feel guilt.
And I can assure you, for I am one of them, that all of them remain Muslims in their hearts."
-Muhammad Kuteifan

"without the alphabet, nobody would ever have gone to the moon."

"an audibilization of power"

"over the inevitable cups of coffee"

"beneath the iron caress"

(arab tea) "burning hot and piercingly sweet"


"I saw Quneitra on an overcast day with gunmetal clouds scudding low above the ruins.
Walking through the detritus struck me as a foretaste of the day after the end of the world.
Not a single birdsong disturbed the gray, final silence."

★"Even among the ruins, hope grows. Did you notice those flowers outside in the shell casings-- blossoms springing from the implements of war?
Just so, we… must be optimistic. Mustn't we?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


-Think of Mary as a mother, primarily, and just what that means.
(biologically BOUND to Christ as well; literally no one closer to Him; her body made a body for God FROM ITSELF)

«consecrating senses to Mary= to use them for/AS her?? She is our Mediatrix; such consecration allows Her to channel the Holy Spirit's graces INTO all of ourselves, as He did for Her, so that Christ may be "born again in/ through/ "as" us" as He was through Her-- as she is the fountain of God's grace TO humanity, the bestower of God/ Christ's living water to us on earth, as Christ ("touch me not") is now in heaven for the sake of faith/ hope/ graces Christ sent us the Spirit, BUT the Spirit touched humanity through Mary more completely & intimately than anytime else, ever-- as that touch became the Son's conception, the Spirit BECAME ONE WITH HER in order to "beget" the Divine Child-- who was BOTH GOD AND MAN in true wholeness! So, to imitate her perfect love/ obedience, we MUST go TO her, and unite ourselves WITH her!

★Luke 6:24-26!!!

luke 9:58
luke 12:1-3? // 49-52? | luke 13:20-1

matthew 12:33+
★ luke 14: 15-35

mark 5: 15-17
luke 8: 35-39

★ john 15: 18-27
& 16:1-33

--------------------------------------

★ My dreams are SIGNPOSTS pointing to things in my SUBCONSCIOUS that are NOT FULLY/PROPERLY HEALED (YET).

- Things I still dream about, upsettingly, and therefore STILL have an inner inclination to do=

★ bingeing on dessert food
★ "chew-bingeing"
★ stealing food

--------------------------------------

XANGA?
or, "mimic" it?
SOLVE PROBLEMS (W/ GOD)

NOT THE OLD KIND; BE CAREFUL.

★focus on PRODUCTIVE thoughts
★don't overthink the small things

--------------------------------------

LIGHT= knowledge, comprehension, "en-lightening," understanding, seeing, luck, fortuity, revealing secrets, "getting" it, attention, focus, guidance, education, wisdom, prudence
- pride, perfectionism, self-importance, fear of unknown/mystery

TIME= history, music, patience, acceptance of "fate," impermanence, death/"decay," "father" issues? punctuality? "in the nick of time," "time waits for no man," "time heals all wounds" maybe?? clocks; mortality, linearity; photography ("moments"); finality, loss? relationship issues? (sexual promiscuity risk?) technology, mechanics
"this too shall pass"; evolution? organization/systems; detached?

★"now" moment? the TRUTH of time!!
★COMPLEMENTS SPACE!!! they are BOTH required!
★"nothing ever really ends" (ETERNITY)

★time & bread??? livelihood, "money" slang
VALUE OF TIME ("spend it wisely")

★LANGUAGE (idioms, terms, etc.)

tradition, age, events, continuity, "irreversibility"? measurable quantity
intervals, moments, duration, RELATIVITY? clocks (NUMERICAL SYSTEM)
present/past/future; "occasions assoc. w/ certain experiences"
eras & periods in history, «opportune moments
a musical meter; fixed & customary moments/periods; rate of speed; a period in prison; period of work/pay received; installments of pay; schedule; set to operate at a certain moment; pace & duration; promptness
★movements in proper sequence
(GAUDIOR)

★"TIMELESS" spaces?? (the arctic, desert, "liminal" spaces, early morning?)

★"TIME" AS IT EXISTS IN NATURE; NO CLOCKS!!!

"chromo" vs "chrono";
TIME AND COLOR!!! (on space's blank canvas!!)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


solfege, cantata, serenata

patagium
piaster

Stuff I need:
✔★PAINTED SHIRTS!
✔★new bag of floss picks (dollar store)
✔★Polish religious posters
★Mewtwo plush and/or Celebi plush
★Red ribbon journal? (for food descrips)
★Overjackets
★lap harp??? is it allowed?

★MAKE a folder

GO OUTSIDE + MOVE MORE

------------------------------------------------

★tech can be USED FOR good or evil;
inherently it is a tool,



★TREATING/ PREVENTING ADDICTION
→what needs are unmet? how to healthily meet them &/or decrease/ permanently heal that "lack" feeling?

"tech junk food;" (sugar/salt/fat) feeds "carnal wants" (instinctive?)
^ "brain drain" cereal (+"empty calories")

(ETHICAL DESIGN) = concrete spacetime benefits, NOT sheer attention/ time eating for profit; MANIPULATION

★PROPER integration of tech/ online "life" w/ "reality,"
^(research "augmented reality")
w/o disconnection from self-awareness IN EACH; fluidity
(automation vs "real people")
"do not use (this tech) without (WISELY conscious) intention" = no time wasting

NO PAVLOV TACTICS
"hardwired social reciprocity"
"variable rewards" = habits

tech should allow us to=
-set boundaries
-disengage w/o anxiety
-see where time goes
-not be slaves of impulse
-make informed decisions
-determine "what's important"
("was spending that much time on _____ worthwhile? why or why not?" decrease impulsivity)
-meet goals
-see how actions impact others
-grow as people/ in productivity
-discipline will
-slow down & be deliberate
-encourage mindfulness, patience, conscious choice, focus, MEDITATION (TAKE BREAKS)

★hokthai= "benevolent tech?" have phone/pc functions but can personally prevent "thought outsourcing" & addiction via "interpersonal connection" being inherent to them?

prob= "simulated social interaction" w/ reward response tactics, "rewardable behavior" and persona-maintenance??
(social media NOT BAD, just broken!)
★psychology & tech= warnings on what behavior is required by app/tech? logs of feelings/ thoughts elicited, encourage reflection on, ask "WHY" ("met" which needs?)
(+manip. by colors, sounds, etc.; psychological puppetstrings) ("hijacking")
«ask whether tech is improving our lives/, NOT "delightful/ convenient/ etc." focus; "is it making our lives worse/ wasting our time"
what REALLY matters? "if you died tonight…"

responsibility, AGENCY

★"hippocratic oath" for software designers; NO EXPLOITATION OF VULNERABILITY; tech as medicine? not "self-medicating," so to speak

★"an all-or-nothing choice is a design failure"
(entirely connect (prompts, etc.) or entirely disconnect)

★tech that doesn't replace human thought/ effort but augments it
- "tracking of daily minutiae" w/o disconnecting from the reality of it; "big picture"
★positive data collection
FEEDBACK!

"when it comes to new tech, incomplete understanding is empowering"
(divining cognitive labor)
(cooperation/collabs = no sharp boundary btwn one person's ideas/ knowledge & those of others in group)

"strong feelings about issues do not emerge from deep understanding"
- a community of knowledge can become dangerous w/ confirmation bias
★NEED HUMILITY
★be honest about the blind spots in your knowledge & understanding

------------------------------------------------

"he was… very simple. everybody would be equal."

"robbing/ disarming/ killing a cop-- these were highly regarded feats in criminal circles"

- catholic relief in venezuela

------------------------------------------------

heb: 7-9

ROMANS 14:13

------------------------------------------------

¯
baby dee
the internet

musical = come from away
joan of arc
kid victory
oslo
the outer space
dear evan hansen

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"IF YOU DON'T TRY, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW"
(if you don't fly, you'll never grow)
=
fear of failure due to perfectionism stops the progress towards growth/ wholeness

★HUMILITY/PATIENCE★
glow & guide, don't blind
♥LOVE IS KEY!♥

(I love the letter to the Romans)

jumping to conclusions = skipping the factual "inbetween;" the checklist of truth that determines the REAL conclusion
★ASK QUESTIONS!
★RECOGNIZE YOUR EMOTIONS! "I feel," etc.

You will never know everything. Only God can, as He IS the TRUE LIGHT. Be humble… don't be a Lucifer.
You are not the "sun." But through the Son, you can witness TO the Light.^ Wear His emblem as His loving servant.
JOHN 1:1-9!!!

★p93-94 in Magnificat relevant to yesterday's crisis plan: "The voice of God IS THERE AMID THE NOISE" "(literal!) mountaintop not required"
- relevant to MUSIC: the silence is the canvas upon which it is painted; it is behind every note, enriching yet untouched by each one
- "He CALLS US ALWAYS"; ironically (irenically) His Call IS that inherent silence that allows us to truly "hear." (with hear-t) It's a beautiful 'paradox.'

★EVERYTHING good & beautiful in this world is but a reflection of the beauty & goodness of God-- and a dim, paltry one at that!
So don't be so happy at the gift that you forget to be joyful with the Giver. And, don't fret in limitation or lack or disappointment or disillusionment-- all of that is from a LACK OF FAITH. Anchor yourself to Him. Let Him be your ONLY joy, your only comfort, consolation, gain, and goal… for He is ALL THAT IS, and He CANNOT disappoint, and in Him you WILL be satisfied, you WILL be cheered and comforted, you WILL find rest for your soul. He is your impenetrable fortress, your bulwark against every storm, your safest shelter, your warmest home. He can't NOT be. So do not be afraid, but trust Him. Christ alone is gain. He is the foundation and Source of all beauty, sweetness, and delight. He is the TRUE Bread, of TRUE Life. Seek Him first, in all things and above all things. He will take care of you. Keep your eyes full of His light, and your heart, too. Heaven is the goal. Keep walking!

★GOD is finest wheat, living water, honey from the rock, milk for our growing faith, salt for the earth, the Paschal lamb, etc.
THE "SATISFACTION" YOU SEEK THROUGH THOSE FOODS IS NOT IN THOSE FOODS!! ONLY CHRIST SATISFIES!!!
Your body is fed but your heart is hungry because you aren't eating in FAITH.
Be His lamb, His child. Eat FOR His glory. If something cannot be done with love & faith & PEACE-- if something carries doubt, or discomfort, or fear, or any other untrusting tremulous vice-- THEN DON'T DO IT!!
(Think of what your grandma would say, too!)

★AND ALWAYS ASK, "IS THIS ACTION PRUDENT/OBEDIENT?"
"Is this action a "luxury" or unnecessary waste? CAN I do this action without second-guessing whether or not it's "good" for myself AND others?"

★BE GRATEFUL FOR OTHERS! Heartfully meditate on this; it's deep.

- james parker (the atlantic) writing style

Heb:5 / 1 Tim:4
Gal 2:14-21 (saved by faith)
1 Cor 10:25-33 (eating & conscience)
Romans 7:7-25 (law & sin)
Romans 13:1-10 (obey authority)
★Romans 14 (clean eating, no stumbling)
1 Cor 3:16 (God's temple)
1 Cor 6:12-15 (edifying)
Matt 6:25-26 (don't worry about food)
Num 12:6 (prophets vs Moses)
Deut 4:29-31 (seek God's mercy)
Deut:8 (prosperity)
★Lev 17:10-16 (blood=life) VS Luke 24:39 (BONE)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel really sick

lots of noise

bad radio talk

dissociating,

nightmares about family

scared to go "home"



there's a lot of things.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

★distortions=

1) OVERGENERALIZATION (never/always)
2) DISCARDING POSITIVES (ignoring good aspects)
3) CATASTROPHIZING (expect worst, act helpless)
4) ALL OR NOTHING (b/w judgments) (absolutes)
5) JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS (proofless negative judgments) (mind reading, misfortune-telling)
6) SHOULD/SHOULDN'T (behavior policing, moral condemnation)

★lessen these behaviors step by solid step! ♥

★FACT CHECKING!! (remember, GOD is TRUTH!!)
(TALK IT OUT WITH THE CENTRALITES!! ♥)

★FOCUS ONLY ON WHAT IS GOOD!
distortions should be released & learned from, NOT dwelled upon! remember= PREDISPOSE to LOVE!! be realistic, BUT keep your eyes FIXED on GOD in ALL!! ♥
★literally journal your blessings!! ♥
focus on hope & capability & courage!

WISDOM

★24/7 MINDFULNESS!!! ♥
★learn to identify the KEY POINTS when you most need to be mindful!!

("KARUNA! ATTENTION!")
+visual reminders^ TO randomly bring you back into awareness-- pictures, quotes, figures, stickers, symbols, words, etc.!! ♥

★PICTURE OF SELF AS A CHILD?
remind self now to take care of your self now like you'd care for your self then!! promotes TRUE ACCEPTANCE & UNCONDITIONAL LOVE; see the REAL YOU!!! ♥


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


★identifying "falsely supported beliefs" =
would they apply to anyone else, OR just me??
IF it's "only me," it's DISTORTED!!!
(then you can interrogate it until it unravels, & you're finally free of its shackles!)

★XANGAS HELP BEAUTIFULLY WITH THIS PROCESS.
(Laurie is a LOT wiser than I am!!) ♥

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3-Step thought records! (situation/ thought/ feeling/ rating)

★ write down thoughts = KEEP TRACK & STAY COHERENT = once written, they leave your head
★ pinpoint "what thought STARTED all of this?"
★ allows for thought-by-thought discretion: CHALLENGE them; distorted or True?
★ if DISTORTED, do the 5-step TRANSMUTE/HEAL process

DISTORTION = falsehood assumed to be truth; BODY IMAGE especially here = "FUNHOUSE MIRROR"
- assumptions based on negativity being viewed as "facts"
★ FEEL AWFUL; perpetuate vice, block virtues
★COMMUNICATION/ COMPASSION CONQUER THEM!!

★DISTORTIONS★
1) ALL OR NOTHING (no grey)
2) OVERGENERALIZATION (pattern)
3) MENTAL FILTER (dark glasses)
4) DISCOUNTING POSITIVE (no worth to)
5) JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
6) CATASTROPHIZING (worst end)
7) SHOULD/SHOULDN'T (obligation)

★LOTS OF "PERFECTIONISM" ROOTS: PRIDE, FEAR, DESPAIR, SELFCONSCIOUS
★VIRTUES CONQUER THEM ALL! LOVE, FORGIVENESS, HOPE, JOY! +


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

DBT 061617

RATIONAL MIND = Decisions based on FACTS, not FEELINGS!!!
★judges, lawyers, etc.

WISE MIND = considers BOTH minds!!

★emotional mind's biggest gift is EMPATHY! wise mind gives it PRUDENCE!!

"HOW" SKILLS: being mindful in a crisis

1) non-judgmental
- if we don't have the big picture, we tend to ASSUME?
- can be POSITIVE or NEGATIVE = labels; not always true!
- AS FACTUAL AS POSSIBLE! "same conclusion from different people" (describing a chair)

2) be one-mindfully
- focus on ONE THING at a time IN THE MOMENT!
- vigilance for YOUR sake AND others!

3) effectiveness
- what works for ME? POSITIVELY/ HEALTHILY!!

------------------------------------------------

DON'T THINK DISTORTEDLY!!!

Problem: scared of going home // horribly depressed at home

1) specific reasons WHY the problem exists

- scared of cramped, cluttered, dark environment
- no space to "call my own"
- lots of noise and virtually impossible to find quiet
- minimal access to safe coping skills/ activities
- feeling trapped, stagnant, "swept up"
- lots of traumatic-memory triggers, esp. environmental
- hyperfocus OR ostracization from family
- feel hopeless, futureless, aimless, lost
- overwhelmed by family/ church responsibilities
- feel obligated to/ dependent on serving family
- I'm just miserable there for some reason
- prone to E.D. & S.A. behaviors as a result
- unable to express myself genuinely w/o threat, danger
- high-stress, anxious, angry, noisy environment


2) possible solutions

- MOVE OUT
- isolate self outdoors? (impractical)
- spend less time AT home: travel (need $$ though, AND places to sleep/ work creatively)
- go back to school & dorm? (need $$)
- make friends & stay with them?
★ stay with dad instead/ temporarily?
- look into shelters & such
★ TELL FAM WHY I'M UPSET SO WE CAN ALL WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW, HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT!!!


★would you STILL be scared if, theoretically, the family had "moved into a different house?"

· NO = no environmental trauma triggers, possible own room/ open space/ light, NO CLUTTER, NO HOARDS

· YES = still living w/ anxious & noisy & angry people, and that seems to be the main factor?
BUT!!
-grandma would be MUCH HAPPIER in a clean house
- my bros would be MUCH HAPPIER with their own spaces & privacy
- viral would probably also benefit greatly from "non-trauma" environment

RECOVERY PLANNING = TIME MANAGEMENT!

★recovery is INTERNAL & EXTERNAL! and CONTINUAL!

★EXPECT SLIPS; but get back up & continue even stronger than before!

------------------------------------------------

TIME= not too busy OR too bored, so to speak!

★LEARN TO SAY "NO" when a "yes" would be unhealthy AT THAT TIME!!

★PRIORITIZING: wants vs NEEDS!
"what is TRULY important in my life?"

★needs = SURVIVAL; health of body, mind, AND soul
- food, rest, hygiene, shelter, etc.
- emotional stability, mental healthy, relapse prevention, etc.
- career, finances, education, etc.

★REALISTIC to-do lists; tangible goals, sense of accomplishment/ progress
★DELEGATION: let others help you! ★HUMILITY/ LOVE/ APPRECIATION
★you CAN'T do EVERYTHING; sometimes to properly meet NEEDS, you HAVE to let others do some of the things you feel YOU must do

★FREE TIME/ EXTRA TIME: reduce stress & just be!!
★REMEMBER CHRISTMAS 2013!! ♥ THAT'S good freetime use!

★HEALTHY stress relief: you're ALLOWED to take time to do those things!! ♥
★fit prudently INTO schedule!!

~KNOW THYSELF!~

"Do the MOST with your time in the HEALTHIEST way!!"

★OVERCOME PROCRASTINATION = if it needs to be done, DO IT!

SELF ESTEEM ★humility + compassion + hope + courage

("whether you believe you can or cannot… you're right!")

★SELF ESTEEM IS NOT "PRIDE!"

★don't discount the positives-- THEY are what's REAL!

★SELF = INTERNAL

"you are NOT what happened to you/ what you struggle with"

1) ALL have infinite/eternal worth as people
2) ALL are equally worthy of value, despite differences

061217 DBT Distraction

★burning coal analogy = pick it up barehanded, or with gloves!
- the GLOVES are distraction techniques!
- the COAL is a distressing situation!
★YOUR "prove I'm strong" instinct is to do it BAREHANDED.
but remember-- sure, you can, but it WILL BURN.
so take that into account, dude.
if you can't handle the pain, don't risk it, please.
if you're already covered in burns, don't make it worse.

★"A.C.C.E.P.T.S."

061117 DBT emotion regulation

emotions = try not to LABEL; it's how you USE/ MANAGE them!
(think of the Spectrum!)

★ emotional "numbness" = VERY PROBLEMATIC!!
★ emotions "triggered" by CONTEXT/ ENVIRONMENT

★ emotional vulnerability is VITAL to REALLY LIVE
but you also have to be PRUDENT.
vulnerability is only scary if it's tied to helplessness.
but vulnerability can also be a HUGE boon to STRENGTH!!!

★ HEALTHY CATHARSIS!!!
find outputs for emotions that you "don't know how" to express verbally, or that you can't handle safely w/o overwhelm?

ANGER= exercise, sports, sparring?
- physically "spend" the anger as fuel

SADNESS= sad movies w/ HAPPY ENDINGS
- express it, "safe crying," then SOOTHE

ANXIETY= short term "it's OK" reassurances? "not as scary as it seems"

MANIA=

CONFUSION=

DESPAIR= Scripture, Laurie quotes

EXPRESSING POSITIVE FEELINGS

is a slight problem in my life.

Describe the reason for this answer:
- I feel ashamed/guilty of being positive when someone else is suffering; feels ignorant?
- I feel like my positivity is fake, put-on, foolish, or "manipulative"
- I feel my levels of positivity expression are socially/ situationally inappropriate or unwise


Positive feelings that are the easiest for me to express include:
- Gratitude, appreciation
- Peace, harmony
- Hope, courage

Positive feels that are the most difficult for me to express include:
- Love, affection
- Joy, excitement, interest, enjoyment
- Support, concern, inspiration, motivation, care


BOREDOM
is a "slight problem" in my life.

Describe the reason for this answer:
- I feel too tired, sad, mentally exhausted to restart most of my creative work
- Feeling "not allowed" to take time for myself/ my interests due to other responsibilities/ caretaking

I enjoy the following hobbies or activities:
- going outside & literally just wandering around
- building things/ putting things together? "ARTISTIC" construction
- playing music skillfully but w/o an audience or performance criteria
- researching things I find interesting & creatively building upon them

As a result of my addiction, I gave up these activities:
- playing/composing music, reading, researching, studying language, writing, journaling, exploring, jogging, going to choral concerts, going to school, playing good video games, watching good movies, traveling, going places socially but safely, Scripture study, volunteering, working out, painting, color studies & design, working w/ dad, cleaning/organizing, finding new music

Of this list, I miss the following activities the most:
- TRAVEL, research & creative-building

New activities or interests that I could get involved with include:
- learning to play cello & harp & drums
- hands on, practical work? like construction or a trade
- robotics? biology? chemistry? physics? LANGUAGE? "structural" studies
- skateboarding? parkour? "free" movement feeling. (Dance??) (SPORTS?)

Are you bored with recovery? If so, explain why:
- I feel stagnant and stuck, like no matter how many obligatory "behavior goals" I meet, deep down I'm still not recovered somewhere important.

What excites me and makes me feel passionate or feel good about my life is:
- MOVEMENT; LEARNING/STUDY
- Anything to do with STRUCTURE?
- Going outside, seeing new things
- helping others w/o being shackled to repetition/stagnancy?

My goal in relation to my boredom is:
- to not feel guilty/ ashamed/ angry about wanting to do truly nice enjoyable things
- to not feel guilty/ ashamed about being my OWN person with my OWN interests
- to schedule these good things SOLIDLY into my DAILY routing and STICK TO 'EM

Steps I will take to reach this goal are:
- listing things I enjoy/ want to learn & drafting a tentative "schedule" for them, PRUDENTLY
- trying, however briefly, one new thing every day-- even if just researching a new thing, walking somewhere new, trying a new food, etc.
★ACCOMPLISHABLE WITHIN A DAY WITHOUT PILING UP!!! "done and done"

Potential benefits of reaching my goal are:
- a richer, happier, freer, brighter, fuller, more joyous & alive life experience
- the ability to DO more; to feel more "a part of" the world and its people & THEIR lives




DEPRESSION
is a "serious problem" in my life.

Depression has affected my life in the following ways:
- not caring about treatment anymore, lack of motivation, future feels empty & stagnant

I am currently depressed because:
- I'm not letting myself BE myself; I'm so scared of going "home" that I'm letting it drain all the joy out of the present

Do you have a lot of negative, pessimistic, or depressing thoughts? Explain:
- I feel that optimism & "hoping for the best" is childish & stupid? "Look at all the pain in the world-- what maes you think YOU deserve any better??" Feel that peace/ joy/ health is "a sign that I'm not fighting demons anymore" NOT out of victory, but out of MORALLY CORRUPT PRIDE/ SELF-SATISFACTION.

My addiction and my depression are connected in the following ways:
- I DON'T HAVE an eating disorder OR substance addiction UNLESS I'M DEPRESSED. 


FEELING EMPTY
is a moderate problem in my life.

What makes me feel good about myself or feel a sense of purpose and satisfaction is:
- Helping others heal in concrete ways, but STILL being able to help myself heal in the process; doing creative arts (music, painting, writing) that have end results that really touch people's hearts

I feel like I am not using my talents, abilities or creativity. Explain:
- I feel obligated to just "hang around the house" for emotional/social support, and am therefore barred from travel, study, art, & music?

My use of alcohol or other drugs affected my feeling empty or joyless by:
- Taking up ALL my free time & money & attention, robbing me of BOTH my opportunities and ability to be creatively productive, AND of my opportunities/ abilities to honestly, tangibly help other people heal & grow & better their lives

I do feel connected to God or a Higher Power. Explain:
- I do, powerfully so, but I am terrified that He wants me to ONLY cater to others? I want to use my GOD-GIVEN TALENTS to help people grow closer to God, too-- AND to be a LIVING testament to Him in my DAILY LIFE, no matter WHERE OR WHAT I'm doing!! I want to stay in the Church, but ALSO CARRY the Church in my heart!!!

Steps I will take to overcome feelings of emptiness:
- Set short/ medium/ long term goals that are achievable & not overwhelming
- Schedule my days & weeks, INCLUDING "simple things time" to just recharge & relax!!
- Nurture my relationships & community responsibilities PRUDENTLY = no burnout!!

Potential benefits of reaching this goal:
- Not overwhelmed but not empty either!
- Restored sense of progress, purpose, helpfulness, joy, & excitement for daily life



GRIEF
is a moderate problem in my life.

List any losses you believe are contributing to your grief:
- Loss of family connections/interaction
- Loss of friendships-- Jacob, Melody, Braeden, Kinsara, E? Oliver?
- Loss of sense of supportive creative community-- Jimmy, Ben, Dare
- Loss of educational career
- Loss of LIFE/TIME due to trauma/ mental illness
- Loss of past creative works

Describe your grief in relation to losses listed above. Focus on your feelings and thoughts.
- I feel aimless & identity-shaken
- I feel isolated
- I feel "barred" from the possibility of a healthy future in the "real world"
- I feel trapped & scared

Describe how your grief has affected your substance use, physical heath and mental health.
- I turned to the E.D. to fill the "endless empty space" associated w/ lack of future hopes



GUILT AND SHAME
are a severe problem in my life.

Behaviors or actions on my part during my active addiction that I feel guilty about include:
- Stealing money to use on the addiction, wasting food & money, wasting OTHERS' food & money, lying, hiding, cheating, manipulating others, not spending time w/family, not realizing/caring how the addiction affected them, bringing shame & misery onto my family

Of these behaviors, the ones I feel the most guilt about are:
- Stealing
- Lying
- Not spending time with my family
- Skipping/ abandoning community obligations

My addiction changed me in the following ways:
- IT DIDN'T.
All that junk was a TEMPORARY LIE.
I'm just so, so distraught that it happened.

My goal in relation to my feelings of guilt and shame is:
- To not hate myself for the horrible things I did while I was sick, but would NEVER do sober
- To restore, as much as possible, my family's trust/ love/ forgiveness towards me
- To focus on a NEW life AWAY from my foolish past mistakes & poor choices

Steps I will take to reach this goal are:
- Focus on the Good that is STILL IN ME
- Admit flat-out what I did and contritely ask for forgiveness
- Make amends by helping others heal, replacing what I took/ damaged/ destroyed, and PROVING BY MY ACTIONS THAT I AM HEALED!

Potential benefits of reaching my goal are:
- Restored family harmony
- Restored sense of self-respect and hope
- A will to live

things to do over this special weekend:

- make mix CDs for mom, grandma, the boys, dad, & Jessie! ♥
- GO TO THE MOVIES and EAT CHEESE FRIES w/ GENESIS
- go out to eat w/ grandma & grandpa
- give ALL book boxes back to St. Johns
- ORDER & BUY NEW CLOTHES = reflect your heart!!
- buy ONE "challenge meal"? OR, one "celebratory" meal? (healed!)
- go to ONE restaurant by yourself?

★LOOK UP COOL PLACES IN HERSHEY
★PLAN WHAT TO BACK FOR THE TIME AT CIOCI ANN'S

★SYSTEM PLAYLISTS + CDS
(ALL relevance/ resonance; even old stuff)

CBT 060717

"PROBLEM SOLVING TREES"

Problem:
Desired outcome:

Step 1) Identify the problem = SPECIFICS!
(behavior, situation, time, etc.)
really get to the ROOT: get as much info as possible!

Step 2) Generate possible solutions = pros/ cons for each
(think creatively?)
don't rule ANYTHING out! they're ALL helpful!

Step 3) Decide on a solution
don't perfectionize! pick one that feels optimal and GIVE IT A SHOT! ♥

Step 4) Evaluate the Outcome = how'd it work?
(ask for feedback if needed?)
be honest but grateful, realistic but bright-eyed

Step 5) Try another solution if #4 didn’t work well!
be like a kid = excited about lessons & possibilities! no matter what, you'll find what WORKS, AND what DOESN'T!


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060517 DBT DISTRESS TOLERANCE

- think of the Spectrum. even the "stressed" parts of us exist for a REASON!
★stress is UNAVOIDABLE, bucko. you just gotta COPE!
- Love conquers all, kid! God's hand is in ALL THINGS at ALL TIMES!!!
★THOUGHT-RESPONSE MANAGEMENT IS KEY!
- YOUR mental reaction to a situation DETERMINES how you FEEL ABOUT IT!!

------------------------------------------------

today's focus: DISTRACTION as a coping skill
- it "stops" negative thought process loops in a VERY powerful but gentle way

★get a POSITIVE DISTRACTION LIST!!
- require INTENSE FOCUS!
★ALSO put together a "DISTRACTION KIT" or something to have quick access to these things in a crisis!
★include PICTURES of System folks, Switzerland, snow, sparkly things, etc.

- paintblots (even just looking at old ones is helpful!)
- klonoa, nier, dishonored,sonic, pokemon (BE FEARLESS!)
- listening to music (esp. love/hope resonant; "edible")
- playing/composing music (freely so! let it just flow!)
- reading (esp. Leaguework! it ALWAYS helps so much. ♥)
- going outside (and WANDER in WONDER like a child! ♥)
- exercise/ sports? (channel Jasper or Psyche, too, if needed!)
- sewing (by hand, ideally; requires more meditative focus)
- cleaning/organizing (a little at a time; get it DONE! ♥)
- watching good tv/ movies (SU especially! do movie nights!)
- research (but LIMIT IT; don't open like 50 tabs, dude)


A= ACTIVITY (do something you love & enjoy; "re-tune" yourself to what's GOOD

C= CONTRIBUTING (make yourself sincerely available to help others; donate TIME!)

C= COMPARISON (remember good things & blessings; SEE that silver lining!)

E= EMOTION (replace negatives with positives! chin up and HEART-POWER THROUGH!)

P= PUSH AWAY (temporarily distance self from situation; wait until the storm passes)

T= TAKE CONTROL (of your THOUGHTS! "how do I WANT to respond/ feel?")

S= SENSATIONS (smell candles, hold ice, look at bright colors, cold shower, etc.)

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060417

worries about going "home" =

- no job opportunities other than packaging plants/ retail
- "stuck in past" feeling
- limited places to go, esp. to buy food
- no nearby public transportation
- can't walk anywhere
- "everybody knows your OLD name," so to speak
- feel like there's no growth in my life there
- future possibilities seem distant & intangible
- feel bound to a repeating loop of day-to-day inert routine
- hard to find room to "creatively expand"
- very little non-church social connection
- can't live on my own there (yet?)

★I want to start a NEW life as literally as possible. I've been given a second chance and I want to USE IT for the glory of God the Creator AND the good of others… and, I will admit, I want to LIVE, too.

Before I was just "existing." There's a difference between "being happy w/ a simple life" and "ignoring your calling & stagnating." No wonder I developed an addiction-- I was SO DEPRESSED from feeling so STUCK. I was in a looping inert situation, not fully using my gifts. Yes I loved helping my church, but even then, I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was OUTSIDE of church. Church is OUTSIDE of spacetime; I felt "at home" THERE. I never wanted to leave. BUT I NEED to build a NEW LIFE where my faith is not struggling to thrive in the face of my "living situation."

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060417

LOOK INTO…

- places to live in Pittsburgh/Hershey?
- convents near Hershey
- cost of living in Pennsylvania; city variations
- cost of living per state
- climates per state, vs PA
- homes/ apartments for rent in "hometown" areas/counties
- homes/ apartments for rent in PA
- where is JMC right now? how is she?
- rate of Catholicism per state
- how to move out of USA
- what countries allow USA immigrants
- how to travel cheaply, especially w/o own car
- "bare minimum" travel gear/ packing
- how to bus-hop or train-hop across USA
- couchsurfing safety, tips, etc.
- housing/ shelter options for vagrants in USA
- LGBTQIA friendly states/ cities
- education opportunities
- education costs
- scholarships for returning/ adult students?
- adult responsibility "getting started" help
- medicaid insurance acceptance rate?
- cost of insurances
- can you get extra income on disability
- get paid to blog; how
- screenprinting shirts
- acrylic-like fabric paints
- states w/ cleanest tap water
- states w/ most woodlands AND social progress
- how to earn money without a job
- OKC
- make friends in other states
- rights we have in USA vs other countries
- pay rate yearly for carpenters, plumbers, landscaping, interior design, culinary arts, other "hands on" jobs
- skills needed for ^ jobs, + education
- job fields desperate for workers; "high demand" and/or necessary work
- bills, banks, taxes, etc. financial responsibilities


LIST:

- all types of breads/grains
- all kinds of cheese
- all kinds of meat (+ high protein foods in comparison)
- all kinds of vegetables
- all kinds of fruit
- all flavors of ice cream
- all flavors of yogurt
- all kinds of cereal
- "COMBINATION FOODS" (sandwiches, even)
- RECIPE SITES
- pinterest? tumblr? (for recipes)
- ethnic foods
- study of taste?
- flavor interplays
- PLACES TO BUY GOOD FOOD (countrywide)


★self-publishing
★website hosting
★wacom tablets
"minimize" amount of carryable tablets; PUBLISH SERIES!!!


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060417

future "shopping list" / "meal planning" ideas

★best to BUY DAILY, like in SLC AND COPE; live somewhere where you can WALK to stores!
★the more uneaten food you have sitting around, the more prone you are to RELAPSE r/n. our future goal is to be 100% free from all such inclinations! BUT we MUST AVOID ALL POTENTIAL "TEMPTATIONS" until our mind & heart are solidly stable!

· buffets, like at Presby, are a nice option
· restaurants, diners, etc. are too expensive to frequent
· buy single-serve items whenever possible
· COMPARE PRICES ^ vs bulk
· for non-perishables, UTILIZE PORTION-CONTROLLED STORAGE
· keep uneaten food OUT OF ACCESS outside of meals; lock it up if you must
· spend as much time OUTDOORS/ away from food as possible

★ I want to be able to live MINIMALISTICALLY!!! ideally, you should be able to PACK UP & MOVE ON A WHIM. totally pare down your belongings.

060317 CBT

★re-framing/ transmuting thoughts
★THOUGHT RECORDS (+trees)

1) what's happening factually/ Who is involved/ etc. = OBJECTIVE
2) What am I thinking about it? What am I feeling about it? = SUBJECTIVE

★DO THIS IN WRITING. Thoughts are like dominoes! One leads to another, and you can easily lose focus/ get overwhelmed.

★In writing, you can INDIVIDUALLY DISSECT EACH THOUGHT.
- which are factual?
- which are distorted?
- which are automatic?

★automatic thoughts = they "just occur"; DON'T need triggers; habitual; patterns
- need to RECOGNIZE them in order to challenge roots/ transmute them
(influenced by past, beliefs, social pressure, context, exposure to other's same thoughts, etc.)
★"WHY am I repeatedly having this thought?" "WHERE is this thought coming from?" (see above)

★CORE BELIEFS = "roots" of thought/behavior trees; affect IDENTITY?
-start in CHILDHOOD: assumptions of normalcy, disciplinary teachings, morals, etc.
- VALUES^; "set of standards that you live by"

★YOU DON'T HAVE TO ADHERE TO ALL LEARNED CORE BELIEFS
- respect differences on BOTH SIDES!
★challenging family beliefs is NOT challenging them as people!!
their beliefs are based on THEIR experiences; they're NOT "hard & fast rules!!!"

The new fat on my body
holds healing.

It's GOOD.
100%, tangibly.

It's storing ALL the healing,
all the hope,
all the faith,
all the Love,
that I've put INTO my meals here,
and which now are literally part of me
for life's sake,
for the energy to LIVE,
IN those Good joyful virtues.


I'm not scared anymore. ♥

(no date; would be referred to in journals)

★ eat the lasagna IN ONE PIECE!
★ eat the salad with the dressing!
★ eat every bite with TRUST and gratitude for health, healing, & God's great generosity…
♥ for love of His Creation
♥ AND your fellow patients… and,
♥ for forgiveness & reconciliation of this meal to our beloved Jessie.
♥ (offer your love & joy as prayer!)

(leave the painful past, enter the healed, free future of joy & hope ♥)

- TRUST like an open-hearted child
- LOVE like your heart is fit to burst
- GIVE THANKS for Creation's infinite wonders
- BE HUMBLE and let God work through you
- BE MINDFUL and participate in life's Goodness
- BE MERCIFUL and pray for the wounded
- BE FORGIVING of your flaws and other's flaws (we ALL need God!), and remember that God uses those 'flaws' for His Glory. Judge not! Only LOVE!!!

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(no dates; on first page of red SS book)

★DON'T EAT IN SADNESS OR BITTERNESS!!!
It will only destroy friendships & sow bad seeds of doubt & confusion & despair.

★AVOID CONDIMENTS as they CAUSE this!! ↑
forgive them though; they simply aren't meant for you! that's OK!!

--------------------

★LET THE LORD FIGHT FOR YOU!!! Only He can!
Show up on the battlefield and don His armor & flag, but recognize that HE has the "weaponry!" HE wants you safe; HE will fight AND WIN, for HIS glory and praise and love and justice and righteous wisdom!

--------------------

★ to unfailingly befriend ANYTHING,
release it from all past chains!!!
Food, in and of itself, is PURE & INNOCENT.
STOP PROJECTING OLD PAIN ONTO IT!
That's unfair & unkind! God made ALL food Good & clean!

★If you're reminded of old hurt & fear because a certain food was there WITH you, recognize its innocence, and then let the food work to HEAL & FREE you by existing wholly anew in the NOW! The past is DONE & GONE. Make a new, free, Good future together!! ♥

★BE YOURSELF, JEWEL!!!
prayer & the Dream World purify EVERYTHING.

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(no dates; from first SS attempt)

self select goals! ♥

★CHALLENGE ALL DISTORTED THOUGHTS!!!

Remember: our ultimate, perpetual goal is to ACTIVELY LOVE ALL FOODS AS GOD'S CREATIVE GIFTS! His Spirit is in ALL things, without exception, and EVERY food item EVER comes from HIS HANDS.
Food is GOOD and INNOCENT, and I WANT to love ALL of it!!

★ We WILL be eating foods here that we don't "have to" outside-- mostly snacks.

--------------------

(unknown date)
(AFTER ashen woke back up; references nousfoni!!!)

Finding Alternative Thoughts
Mental filter: Am I only noticing the bad stuff? Am I filtering out the positives? Am I waering those 'gloomy specs'? What would be more realistic?
(Notice the Good TOO; see the WHOLE picture, pos & neg-- and LET GO OF LABELING; put on 'specs of CLEAR LIGHT & WISDOM; see ALL!)

Mind-Reading: Am I assuming I know what others are thinking? What's the evidence? Those are my own thoughts, not theirs. Is there another, more balanced way of looking at it?
(Change your own thoughts to what you'd like to hear from others to help you grow Good)

--------------------

QUESTIONING FAMILY DISTORTIONS

1) "Why do you think fat is ugly? What's so bad about it?" etc.
★ASK YOURSELF THIS, TOO!!!

2) "She's so fat-- isn't that disgusting?" "I look so ugly when I'm fat" "I hate all this flabby skin"
"I hate how disgusting I look when I'm fat" "Her face is so pretty-- it's a shame she's so fat"
"I didn't like his girlfriend-- she was so fat! Why couldn't he have picked a prettier girl?" etc.

conclusion: "fat" on bodies is inherently ugly/shameful, AND THAT defines a person's WORTH (+prettiness" CURSE)

PROVE IT FALSE:
1) "Babies are SUPER fat; are THEY ugly or bad?"
→a) ("No, but they can't help it!")
"What if 'chubbier' adults can't help it either?"
("Yes they can" + "They should eat healthier, then" + "They should exercise more")

→b) ("They'll lose it as they grow up.")
"What if they don't? Would you judge a chubby kid so condemningly?"
("They should eat healthier, then" + "They should exercise more")

RESPONSE TO BOTH:
"What if they ARE eating healthier and exercising, and are STILL chubby? What if it's GENETIC? What if it's their NATURAL build?"
("That's a shame/ too bad/ so sad")

WHY???

^ THIS IS TYPICALLY WHERE THEIR ARGUMENT COLLAPSES INTO OPINION ONLY!!!
CHALLENGE IT!!!

----------------------------

★MY fear= the FEELING of looseness/ "weighed down"

→ Stay in shape, simple as that! REMEMBER THE YOGA GIRL!
→ TREAT FOOD WITH RESPECT, BOY!!
It is GOD'S LIVING CREATION, GIVING itself TO YOU, so YOU can live, BY IT'S LIFE continuing IN you!!!

--------------------------------

★Get "fat" role models!! (MEN, TOO!)
★REMEMBER= "fat" is only "bad" if it's the result of OVERINDULGENCE &/OR SLOTH= but even then, it JUST IS, and it is NOT condemnation! You CAN lose the 'ill' weight!
★Make a list of POSITIVE fat/ chubby/ big/ round qualities, ESP. in culture/ Bible/ ART, and keep that list close to remind yourself that GOD LOVES FAT, TOO!!! (He MADE it!! for a PURPOSE!)

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(unknown date)

Making the Connection worksheet

★Predisposition affects your reactions!! (and it CAN be changed for Good! ♥)

"Set your heart & mind on what is Eternal" ♥

-------------------------

Activity directions: Read the following scenarios and write-in your own self-statements that lead to the feelings listed below.

Scenario #1: You arrive home to find a note from your roommate that s/he moved out. You look around and see that all of her/his belongings are gone. And furthermore, you realize their half of the rent has not been paid.

Feeling: Angry // You say to yourself: I am frustrated at having to pay that extra amount BUT it is what it is. They left this abruptly for a reason; they may be in poverty/debt and saw no other "non-scary" option to face the rent. I forgive them and wish them well. I'll check on them and make sure they're OK, and see if I can help.
«DEFUSE THE ANGER!!

Feeling: Hurt // You say to yourself: Did I do something harmful to them to motivate this? I am truly sorry, but I understand this response. I forgive myself for my foolishness & now I will heal those wounds by reaching out & apologizing to them, and doing what I can to mend our relationship if possible.
★SOOTHE THE HURT!!

★★DO NOT "ENTERTAIN" THESE TOXIC THOUGHT PROCESSES!!!

----------------------

Scenario #2: You just finished cooking dinner for you and a partner. Your partner calls to say that s/he will not be home for dinner because s/he has to work late.

Feeling: Disappointed // You say to yourself: I understand. At least now they have a good dinner for when they get home! I'll ask if they'd want to share it with me then, or rest first & share it tomorrow. I'll support them either way. I'm just so grateful for their existence!
★ RELEASE THE DISAPPOINTMENT!!

Feeling: Concerned // You say to yourself: I hope they aren't overwhelmed with work?

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(unknown date)
(after ashen wakes up, after "I don't want to go home" revelation)

Worksheet: JUDGE

Statement/Belief: what's on trial?
→ "The curse of free will" (the capability to disagree)

I HAVE to go "home" & become what other people tell me to be, even if it's harmful/ unhealthy/ painful/ etc.; "asserting" differing wants is morally corrupt & WRONG

Rate your belief that this is true (0-100%): 98%

-------------------------

Look at the evidence for the DEFENSE and the PROSECUTION
("What is the GREATER TRUTH?)

THE DEFENSE
What tells you this statement/belief is true? What hard factual evidence is there?

- saying "no" hurts them terribly
- my own decisions bring regret & foolishness
- obedience is true freedom, from selfish ignorance
- my #1 responsibility is my family & community
- we MUST deny ourselves to be Good
- I don't know any better & my "sadness" is stupid

Summarize the defense's comments:
Your "feelings" cannot be trusted. Feeling "rebellious" or "hurt" or "sad" or "scared" is a LIE, trying to turn you away from Good Obedience. Be humble & do whatever you are told-- making OTHERS happy is TRUE happiness.

Rate your belief in this summary (0-100%): 98%

--------------------------

THE PROSECUTION
What tells you this statement/belief isn't totally true, all of the time? What is opinion and what factual evidence is there? Consider what others (witnesses) would say.

- I cannot "make" anyone feel anything?
- I am capable of making wise, healthy, "satisfactory" choices
- Obedience does not mean blindly following ALL orders w/o prudence
- There WILL be times when you're alone; are you your responsibility then?
- "Denying oneself" doesn't mean "annihilating" my identity??
- You can LEARN, and sadness is an "attention" sign-- check cause & is it merited?

Summarize the prosecution's comments:
Your "feelings" betray some conflict-- find it & build harmony instead. You WANT to obey but "think YOU know what's best for YOU" and you DON'T. BUT you ALSO know what things are flat-out harmful? Make others happy but SMILE sincerely & don't destroy YOUR life to do so?

Rate your belief in this summary (0-100%): 75%?

--------------------------

Review the Evidence & Judge's Summing Up
Find a closing statement that is based on the evidence, realistic, rational and balanced.

When you "resist" an order, ask WHY you're afraid to obey, and QUESTION THAT FEAR (with GOD, and Laurie too) until you figure out what is TRULY GOOD to do-- which might STILL be total deferential obedience, and typically IS!!

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(unknown date)
(after mother phone call meltdown)

How to Handle Anger-Provoking Situations

"In this group activity, you will learn how to change the way you handle situations that make you angry by asking how members of your group how they would have dealt with the circumstance now that they have learned about anger management."

1) Describe a situation in which you became upset. What happened before, during and after?
→ Mom called & started talking & asking questions nonstop, & I felt overwhelmed & accused & panicked-guilty.

2) What could you have done differently in that situation?
→ Answered her instead of clamming up, realizing that she doesn't mean to upset me, AND CHOOSING to respond in humble love regardless. Focus on FRIENDSHIP, FORGIVENESS, LOVE, & SERVICE (self-denial) for GOD'S glory!!!

★ "Hurting people hurt people"; bandage your wounds and then BANDAGE OTHERS

3) Describe your situation to the group and ask for suggestions on how you could have approached the circumstance differently.
→ All in tablet! ♥
- focus on positives to defuse it
- ask questions to "reality check"
- find the self-directed humor in it & laugh it off
- actively talk it out with her (in LOVE & HUMILITY)
- if too much, ask KINDLY to leave, explaining WHY, and calm down!

4) Test out these suggestions the next time you enter an anger-provoking situation. How did these suggestions help you? What would you do differently the next time?
→They UNSHACKLE ME and free my heart for PEACE, LOVE, & JOY again!!!

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(unknown date)
(after elinor seizure)

CORE MINDFULNESS WORKSHEET: PRACTICING NONJUDGMENTAL STANCE

--------------------

1) Identify a judgment about yourself, someone else, or some situation.
"I am angry at/ scared of Elinor because of her panicked trials AND how scared she was last Sunday for unknown reasons"

2) Describe your reasons for letting go of this judgment.
-She is INNOCENT of blame; she was suffering from fear and needed LOVE
-I WANT to truly love & care for her as a FRIEND, like when we were talking outside
-I don't like how ugly this weeping-anger & absorbed fear feels

3) Replace the judgments with descriptions of facts, consequences, and/or your preferences about this.
- Elinor was scared on Sunday and did NOT want me to be scared, too
- I got scared & upset because I felt guilty that "it was easy/ enjoyable for me" in contrast
- I blamed her for feeling "obligated" to "fear" that meal, too, to "share/ take away" her pain and fear
- SHOWING PEACE, LOVE, COURAGE AND FEARLESSNESS would HEAL HER FEARS!!! ♥

4) Practice accepting the nonjudgmental descriptions and letting go of the judgments. Identify any words, actions (e.g. relaxation), body postures, or imagery that helps you let go.
- Breathe deeply! Remember, "do EVERYTHING for the glory of God"
- "let your actions inspire others to PEACE & HARMONY"
- "do NOTHING that may make your sister stumble, but INSTEAD set an example of FAITH for her growth & hope by GOOD WORKS!!!"
★ God created food INNOCENT; let it remain so! ♥
God LOVES Elinor as his daughter,; let Him love her more THROUGH YOU!! ♥

5) Remember not to judge your judging!
Let go of whatever hurts-- give it to God, and BEG Him to fill me with His Grace & Love & Virtue & Wisdom instead, for HIS glory!!!

6) Describe any changes you noticed in your acceptance or your emotions as you practiced nonjudgmental stance.
Everything flows. Peace & relief & hope & joy flourish.
LOVE STANDS IN CONQUERING VICTORY OVER ALL!!! ♥