prismaticbleed | iscah meal log 061517 (Reply)

Jun. 15th, 2017 09:30 am = welcome, Katie! ♥ and farewell, dear Jessie-- we'll keep in touch. ♥

Breakfast= a cheese omelette, two turkey sausage links, home friest, salt & pepper, orange juice, earl grey tea, vanilla soymilk, and vanilla VHC! This is one of my favorite breakfasts, as you know-- eggs & cheese & even those potatoes & sausages! Honestly, I DO REALLY LIKE the sausages & potatoes, no matter what the disordered "obligatory" thoughts that insist to the contrary say. And honestly, let's talk about those! Why in the world do I feel like I "shouldn't" like sausage or potatoes? Well, here's another interesting bit-- why do I feel like, if I were physically a big buff burly dude, it'd be permissible for me to like them, but still not "alleviating" those poor foods of that judgment? Where did that absorbed-lie COME from-- the condemnation that potatoes, especially fried potatoes, AND sausages, are shameful to like? I've got one answer-- look at the internet. Look at the toxic, caustic-"humor," self-damning "trend" that is so prevalent on Tumblr. Look at how many jokes are about POTATOES. It's BIZARRE. Not only do we have that awful phrase "couch potato" to refer to a selfishly lazy & "useless" person, (unfinished)

Lunch= a veggie burger with cheese on a wheat bun, lettuce & tomato, potato salad, an ice cream sandwich, apple juice, and vanilla VHC. I have to say this meal was a big victory, because it's actually a super-messy one, BUT!!! Even as I was the ONLY person left eating, chewing through a burger that was barely holding together, I WASN'T "SELF-CONSCIOUS"!!! I reminded myself that God does NOT judge as humans do-- He didn't care if the lettuce was falling out of the burger, that I couldn't always bite cleanly through the tomato, that the cheese stuck to my teeth & the ice cream sandwich to my fingers, OR that I accidentally bumped my VHC over and about 1/3 spilled onto my plate! No, those things simply happen-- and THEY, TOO, come from God's hand, for His Glory, in testing my heart to see whether I would hold true to yesterday's lessons and NOT judge myself so foolishly & falsely, NOR unfairly assume that others were doing so. And I DIDN'T-- because I CHOSE to do what God wanted me to do; I chose the virtues He was challenging me to practice in the face of longstanding opposition-- I chose LOVE. And do you know what Love does, when things like little messes happen to it? It starts to laugh, like a child splashed in a swimming pool! Love laughs, like a kid jumping through puddles, when life makes this body look a little messy-- because there's nothing wrong with that! That's the key to true laughter-- Love, humility, and forgiveness. And as far as God was concerned, no matter how clumsy this lunch was, as long as I FORGAVE that clumsiness out of loving, compassionate, merciful understanding-- a forgiveness also born of empathy, a virtue-child of humility-- of the warmhearted acknowledgement that we're all imperfect, fragile, clumsy things; we're all in this together, and if it happens to one of us, it can just as easily happen to the other-- as long as I acted out of LOVE, everything was perfectly OK. ♥ And I ate that sandwich with a smile on my face-- no matter how messy it may have been-- because I was doing my very best, and in order TO do my very best, all I need to do is LOVE. And be able to laugh along with God, in Good Humor (quite literally!), whenever little mishaps occur. Because seriously, dude, LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE. ♥ In the end, we're ALL ending up with God, at the conclusion of our earthly life-stories. The finish line is crossed, the book turns its last page, the final credits roll... and suddenly, ALL that matters is Love, and how faithful we were TO it-- to Him, to GOD, who IS Love, no matter what happened in the meantime. Because, honestly-- when you live with THAT in mind, nothing can harm you. NOTHING can stop you from living for Love at all times, in all things, since you realize that death is only a door, and one we WILL walk through sooner or later... but not even death itself scares you anymore. It's all temporary. It's ALL in God's hands. What does it matter if you got mayonnaise on your face? Giggle at it, bro; it's funny! Life is funny, really, but it's belovedly so. "Fun" is a big part of it, and TRUE, Christian fun is the NATURAL result of living in constant Loving wonder & joy & gratitude & trust in God! TRUE laughter bubbles up from the heart like a crystal-bright fountain-- pure and happy and full of thankful wonder! It's so easy to laugh when we place all our trust in God... when we choose Love no matter what, when we humbly & happily forgive, when we keep an "attitude of gratitude!" Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, after all! Joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, charity, chastity, modesty, generosity, goodness, self-control... faith. All beautiful & beloved Virtues that I REALLY want and NEED to meditate on more. I truly do love them. I Love all of God's decrees & Truths; I Love ALL of His Words, and He KNOWS that is the core of my heart... He KNOWS that is the TRUTH, no matter how my human weakness may overwhelm me sometimes. I will ALWAYS get back up & go right back to God-- but, again, ONLY BY HIS GRACE. And so I pray for that with every heartbeat. I can ALWAYS improve; I can ALWAYS better myself, can ALWAYS open my heart wider to hold ever more Love... I can ALWAYS grow in virtue. I can ALWAYS "bear Good Fruit" for God, by His Spirit, to the same infinite extend from which He GIVES me that capacity & capability. God & His Goodness are LIMITLESS... and I rejoice! ♥

3PM Snack= a pretzel NuGo bar, which tasted STRAIGHT-UP like Halloween and which filled me with SUCH grateful joy! ♥ Also, this time I really tasted the crisps-- they have SUCH a lovely taste! Is that what soy crisps inherently taste like? Maybe! Boy oh boy I'm SO looking forward to being able to fully participate in & partake of God's COMPLETE Creation in my new, healthy future! And, of course, I'm REALLY joyfully looking forward to Halloween!! ♥

Dinner= self-select #7!! ♥ First off, let me way THANK GOD FOR SARA, because she firmly kept me on the straight & narrow today and if it weren't for her, I would've gotten stuck in obsessive thoughts & "perpetual reconsidering," AND I wouldn't have given any thought to what REALLY matters in Self Select-- PRUDENT exchange choices, and PRUDENT TIMING!!! My original choices didn't take EITHER of those vital things into account, because honestly it didn't even OCCUR to me-- but now I know! ♥ I have learned, and now I can be wiser and freer and better at both taking proper care of myself AND pleasing Team & Staff alike with good behavior. But God was STILL the guiding force behind it all, as always! ♥ Because originally-- before I even got to the cafeteria, that is-- I was just going to do another sandwich. But then I saw the day's special-- and what do you know, my heart had quietly & nervously but trustingly told God earlier that, if I had the strength through Grace TO do so, I was going to get that day's special, HANDS DOWN. No matter what! But He went the extra mile, and He not only heard me and listened-- what gracious love & mercy He shows us-- but He also made the special a big FAMILY CHALLENGE FOOD... one that I used to not only fear, but dislike for NO REASON, and which-- once healed!-- would heal my view of my family, too. Heal the projection, and it frequently goes that extra mile, too, and softens your forgiving, Loving heart t now forgive & Love the cause of such a projection, back to health. Today, it was a cause of family fear, born from sorrow of unknown connection to any specifics concerning the food itself, but tied to a DEEPER, BROADER sort of feeling unsafe & unloved & miserable at home... and, perhaps simply contextually, that fear got thrown onto the innocent foods that shared those contexts with me, though just as blameless of such condemnation, and just as undeserving of such painful judgment. So once I realized that we ALL deserved love & healing, for GOD'S SAKE-- me, my family, the food-- I made up my mind & heart TO DO SO, no matter what. And God met me in that effort, continuing to bless me to carry out His Will even in little ways, for I am FOREVER willing & yearning to do so. And so, today, God gave me the healing SS dinner of: three Swedish meatballs w/ gravy; buttered noodles; broccoli & cucumber; cheddar cheese shreds (+parmesan & pepper); mayonnaise; a bit of both french vanilla & white chocolate cappuccino in my decaf tea; and what I can only describe as a "vanilla cream puff cake sandwich." Honestly... I LOVED EVERY BITE OF THIS MEAL. ♥ I actually couldn't stop smiling; everything was BEAUTIFUL!!! The swedish meatballs were BIG & SOFT and tasted similar at heart to both dad-campfire good hamburg beef and SALAMI?? It was GREAT. And there were mushrooms in the gravy and YES it was that SAME LOVELY KIND that Mom makes with Salisbury steaks! And the BUTTERED NOODLES, OH MY GOSH. ♥ I never thought I would ever say this so wholeheartedly, but... I LOVE THEM. ♥ Legit!! Butter & pasta, dude-- and they tasted SO KIND and sweet and GOOD... honestly, I'm telling you that was ANGELIC pasta!! Also, I mixed the cheese, vegs, pepper & parmesan ALL in with the noodles & meatballs-- oh yes, AND the mayo-- and when I took a bite of that? I GRINNED like a kid in a candy store, from ear to ear!! It was SUCH a happy, alive, bright, playful, kind & lovely taste, full of both comfort & encouragement! The rich cheese tastes with their punch of color & salt, the cool fresh vegs and their vibrant green loveliness, the pepper's extra sparkle, the mayo's creamy tangy goodness... it was BLISS, dude. And THEN I had that CS. It looked "terrifying"-- two thick, round "cakes" with a TON of cream between 'em, & powdered sugar on top... IT WAS HEAVENLY. I immediately thought of Ryou, too! The cream was LEGIT cream, rich & cloudy & beautiful... and the vanilla cakes were airy but SPRINGY-SPONGY??? From at the edges & soft in the middle?? It was a GIFT FROM GOD. ♥ ALL of this was!!! ♥ THANK YOU!!

8PM Snack= a vanilla magic cup, a berry magic cup, and a Strawberry Poptart! ♥ Two cold things and one warm thing-- and all of 'em so lovely! ♥ The berry MC, all soft Julie-pink hue, was so gently sweet and wonderful, tasting EXACTLY that color... the vanilla MC was all lovely yellow-tone vanilla, one of my favorite flavors, with such a beautiful texture... and same with that PopTart, all gummy-good filling & sparkle-sweet icing & golden-beige biscuit loveliness! ♥ God bless!! ♥

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SELF SELECT 061517 Jun. 15th, 2017 05:30 am = #7 (DINNER) ~THURSDAY 0615~ (1) D | (2) S | (3) P | (1) F | (1) CS
1) Three swedish meatballs w/ gravy (3P 2F) 2) Two scoops buttered noodles (2S) 3) 1/2 cup cheddar cheese shreds (1D) 4) 1/2 cup cucumber slices (~V) 5) 1 cup broccoli (~V) 6) 1 "vanilla cream puff cake sandwich" (1CS) 7) 2 packets mayonnaise (2F) 8) 3 packets parmesan cheese (-)
9) 3 packets pepper (-) 10) 720mL decaf black tea w/ french vanilla & white chocolate cappuccino flavor (-) / / things I saw at the restaurant that I would love to try: fish tacos, breakfast burritos, pork chorizo, pancakes w/ fruit & chocolate, pico de gallo, +