prismaticbleed | iscah meal log 061217 (Reply)

Jun. 12th, 2017 09:30 am = Love & Courage, no matter what! ♥

Breakfast= a blueberry crumbcake, a chocolate prezel NuGo bar, vanilla Greek yogurt, vanilla VHC, vanilla soymilk, orange spice tea, and an orange. This is a super great breakfast, actually! And it's also a much better fit for the orange & yogurt combo, because the orange CAN be saved for last in this one, unlike on Friday-- today, we start with that precious little crumbcake, and that gives us a bowl FOR the orange, too! But yes. Lovely stuff! Especially that little crumbcake, honestly; it's SO delicately light and fluffy, in texture AND weight-- it's like holding a little cloud. Its mouthfeel is beautiful-- buttery-sweet and cakelike but not sticky or heavy, although it DOES get this nice cushy denseness that still feels light, despite also holding such gentle warmth. And all those little indigo-purple blueberries, the PERFECT color complement to the golden tone of the crumbcake-- itself also sprinkled with those lovely flour-sugar-crisp crumb-topping bits, all a pale brown tint, lifting up the color vibe even more in happiness-- tasted so happy too! They always have this sort of stalwart optimism to them, without being overly outgoing about it, so to speak-- again, it's a Blue thing. ♥ OH!! And so is the VHC!!! I'm SERIOUS-- I drank it slow today, savoring that thick texture & creaminess, that rich neutral-vanilla tone, and that unique "vitaminy" back-flavor... and suddenly, as it hit me, my mind lit up BLUE. Like, Waldorf blue! I have NEVER tasted anything that color before!! But, in a weird & exciting way, it MAKES SENSE-- in the spectrum System function, Blue was always tied to technology-- to motherboards and processors and servers. Gray is libraries and encyclopedias and books-- written data, paper and pencils, facts. But BLUE is a microchip. Blue is binary language. Blue is the network that MOVES that information, that makes it flow-- Blue takes solid, isolated book-facts and turns them into globally fluid digital book-facts, as it were! It opens the covers of EVERY book in that library and combines them into an ocean, whereas Gray is more systematic, more pick & choose, slower and deliberate Blue is movement, serendipity of discovery-- the open sharing of knowledge. But yeah! So having VITAMINS taste blue, when they are in such a condensed "supplement" state, makes a LOT of sense, actually! So I'm psyched. FINALLY I have a taste for that color!! Also? Blue's color buddy tends to be yellow, and that vanilla soymilk this morning? It was WARM. That's the BEST, bro! The gentle pale-yellow vanilla tone, mild and yet still holding its color's native happy feeling, was SO gentle & smooth without the cold's altering influence (cold makes everything a bit "brighter" and sharply-clear, like snow does to sunlight, and the extra bright tone of winter air), and its sweetness was really beautiful as a result. I'm also totally familiar with what the soy aspect tastes like, as you also know-- that matte white lovely neutral tone-- and that, too, was nice and clear today. I was very happy with it, emphasis on "with"! ♥ Next up, the NuGo! I can taste the agave sweetness in the crisps now-- it actually goes quite nicely with the sea salt, and the dark chocolate! And yes, again, this lovely little bar tasted EXACTLY like the real thing. Halloween memories! I'm really looking forward to that holiday this year-- PLUS I just realized, I can ACTUALLY PARTICIPATE IT IN THIS YEAR. ♥ I might just have to get SUPER BUFF (I do have like, 16 solid weeks to do so) and go as Bismuth or Jasper or maybe even Garnet. Who knows, maybe by then I'll even meet ANOTHER boss Gem to befriend, and "be" as a friend on that special evening! ♥ Either way, THAT'S a great recovery goal to work towards! And, I must reiterate, I MUST keep the "biggest picture" in mind. No matter what I eat or don't eat, in the end, I AM going to die, and go to God, and He isn't concerned by those little details-- He wants to know HOW I ate them, WHY I ate them... did I choose out of Love? Did I act out of Love? Where did my motives flow from-- Christ's Living Water, or the sewage of the devil's selfish lies? In the end, what matters is that I DID EVERYTHING FOR THE GLORY & PRAISE & LOVE OF GOD. That's it. THAT'S the biggest picture. If I eat Halloween candy, I am Lovingly obligated to do so WITH LOVE, for God in it and in me. I must treat it with prudence & reverence & gratitude, FOR God's Goodness in both creating it AND in giving it to me TO Love, to partake of His Creative joy & wonder of Life. But yes, that's really all I need to be concerned about. I WILL die, one day, and if I treasure that temporality in MYSELF AND in the food, then I won't be afraid of ANY also-temporary suffering... because my heart's awareness will ALWAYS be focused on God... on the ETERNAL life, which I either work for or against in any moment here. And so, to conclude? THAT ORANGE & YOGURT WERE A BLESSING AS ALWAYS. ♥ The yogurt, with the juice added in, tasted LEGIT creamsicle-- and the orange itself tasted SO sweet and fresh and alive. ♥ I thank God for that experience, and Love Him THROUGH it. ♥

Lunch= breaded chicken, three potato pierogi w/ butter & parsley, a chocolate syrup mini-sundae, 2% milk, and vanilla VHC. I actually REALLY LIKE this lunch. Like, a LOT. ♥ And I absolutely saturated this one with it... and SO DID GOD. ♥ He meets us where we are, and when we put forth sincere heartfelt prayerful effort... and then just let go, dive in, and TRUST... He completes our efforts by giving us, through His Grace, MORE Love & Strength & Courage than we could EVER have on our own-- obviously, because our hearts are MEANT to be with God!! ♥ So when they ARE, everything just fits perfectly into place. Everything comes together in time, in harmony... you can feel the overjoyed song of Creation in every atom, singing Love & praise & glory to God in the highest. It's beauty, beyond our mind's ability to comprehend or imagine... we can only experience it through Grace, through just being in it, with pure and open hearts-- again, in Christ, in the Holy Spirit, who are that Song, essentially. Words can't ever capture it, but it demands reverence, so I will simply say this-- bless God for it, in Loving gratitude & awe, right now. Then return His embrace, and continue to live In Him, FOR Him. And on that note, here's the lunch He gave me, and which I sincerely enjoyed! ♥ The last was the breaded chicken, but I'm mentioning it first, because it was DELICIOUS and gorgeously so. The breading was soft but not mushy, and slightly salty, and I added pepper to it so it was reminiscent of Saturday's lovely spice! It tasted SO NICE, and its mouthfeel is smooth and medium-light and so good. And the CHICKEN! It, too, had a salted taste, and it was SO juicy-- it WAS that beloved "KFC" taste!! ♥ It was softly chewable in mouthfeel but not stiff or mushy, or soft like dark meat. Honestly it was WONDERFUL-- and, while eating it, a song came on the radio that had the EXACT childhood-joy, DW vibe that defines Venomabat's style, and my heart just LIT UP. ♥ "Just imagine," and "dance," and "can't stop the feeling," I think the chorus said... but it was LUMINOUS. It was the sort of "mall sunshine" vibe that little me got from Natural Wonders & places like that. Wonder, love, bliss... imagination! So THANK YOU, GOD, with ALL my heart, for that. ♥ I am so happy, TRULY so, that I could cry! And THAT is a blessing, too. THAT, too, is His Grace at work, even in the radio... even in the chicken! God is everywhere, and all it takes to SEE that is a heart made clean through Christ... through the Loving, forgiving, healing Grace Of God. After all, the "world" CANNOT accept or believe God's Spirit... and you cannot recognize that which is not within you. But I LOVE God, so much it brings tears to my eyes, and if I hold fast to that always, holding Him within my heart, closer than life itself... then I'll REMAIN able to see Him, for His sake... for His Love... for His Love in me, too... and of me, too. My mind can't comprehend the sheer BEAUTY, humbling and ineffable, of that, but it, too, is blissful, in knowing that it's TRUE. ♥ Oh, and on that note? There IS a part of my heart, a hue in the Spectrum, that LOVES MILK. Like, straight up milk. "She" shimmered in for a moment as we drank it, and that SINCERE, PURE LOVE, untouched by lies, touched US, and now our heart CAN see that... we CAN feel that. GOD'S GRACE, YET AGAIN!!! ♥ Same with the sundae, which Chocoloco AND his mysterious vanilla-counterpart both ate, and he felt such heart-resonance deep appreciative love for God's gift of that chocolate, RECOGNIZING God's Goodness IN it, was ALSO so strongly tangible that I firmly believe it will totally prevent any lies from EVER touching the beloved sundae again. ♥ Thank You, God... thank You for US, and Your Love working IN us, THROUGH us, for YOU. ♥ We are ALL deeply humbled and grateful and reverently joyful for it, believe me. And speaking of God, the pierogi today tasted JUST like church picnic & Christmas memories!! It's that POTATO FILLING, dude-- however they make it, it has this particular rich, salty, thick but velvety-smooth mouthfeel & flavor and it's a JOY to eat!! And the flour shells, too, have that blessedly firm-stiff edges and doughy texture and chewy floury mouthfeel, and with that BUTTER and that PARSLEY, colors that complement the off-white simplicity beautifully in both literal hue and taste tone-- all fresh dark green and mellow ambered yellow-- it's lovely. It makes me love my heritage even more, too. ♥ AND it pairs SO WELL with the chicken, AND the milk, AND even that sundae-- all white and brown like its pals on the plate, different but still sharing those little similarities! It's so gorgeous how color can connect everything like that, deep down. I adore it. The rainbow IS God's gift, after all! ♥

3PM Snack= a chocolate chip NuGo bar, AND a mint chocolate chip NuGo bar! ♥ I do love them both, and I mindfully enjoyed them both, too-- the cool, soft-matte solid texture & taste of the chocolate coatings-- warm & welcoming for the former, minty & clean for the latter-- and the salty but sweet CC crisp taste accented with rich cocoa-chocolate bits, and the DOUBLY rich cocoa-chocolate salty-sweet crisps of the MC! So ALL THREE were loved today, and thank God for that! ♥

Dinner= meatloaf, french fries, an oatmeal raisin cookie, ranch dressing, salt & pepper, ketchup, and a spinach salad w/ mushroom, 1/4 an egg, and two grape tomatoes-- and, of course, vanilla VHC. And yes, yet again, this meal was blessedly SATURATED WITH LOVE-- fiercely so, because as always, everyone else condemns the poor meatloaf, and so I have PROMISED it from the bottom of my heart that, every Monday while I'm here, I will CHALLENGE those fear-based and/or non-compassionate lies by LOVING that meatloaf with all the ardent attentive grateful sincerity I can muster-- to PROVE to it, and to others, by the grace of God, that it IS Loveable, and I DO Love it, honestly, no matter WHAT the "peer pressure" might demand. And I don't condemn anyone! I love all the people in this unit, too, and they probably feel that they have legitimate reasons TO dislike it-- or outright despise it, in some cases. And it's OKAY to not "prefer" something-- as long as you can do so LOVINGLY. And that's the issue here-- people aren't feeling ANY love or appreciation for the meatloaf, even from a totally objective perspective, such as at least acknowledging & respecting that not only is it a gift of food to heal their body, but it is a food that was prepared for them, therefore they can be grateful at least for that effort... OR they can simply honor the animal(s) whose LIFE was given to nourish theirs THROUGH that meat... OR, at the deepest & most basic & most IMPORTANT level, they can be grateful that it is STILL GOD'S CREATION, no matter what judgments may fall upon it. It is STILL GOD'S GIFT... still His art, even if our human hands are a bit clumsy in handling those gifts. But Love loves that, too-- the same way a father loves a child. God sees what's in our hearts, and if they are truly in the RIGHT Place, then even if we are kinda klutzy, God will guide our steps even so. BUT THE KEY IS LOVE-- and you gotta be OPEN to it, bro!! So it hurts to see people not open to loving some foods here at all; at least, not yet. Which is a huge part of why I am DEDICATED to Love despite all opposition and challenge. If someone sees me truly enjoying that meatloaf, with all Loving sincerity of heart, and that inspires THEIR heart to soften just a little, to open just a little... then God has done His Good Work through me testifying, however simply, to Him, and that is all I EVER want to do. But hey! God's hand is everywhere, remember-- and even their rejection is being used for His Greater Purpose, most evidently in so motivating me TO challenge it!! So yes. Lots of awe & reverence & humble glorification of Our Creator here. And also? Today I felt that Love-courageously-to-testify-to-Truth motivation TWICE as hard, because Patricia-- struggling with the lies of the E.D.-- said "I hate mushrooms," like it was indisputable. Well I disputed the HECK out of it!! I SAVORED those mushrooms 1000%, even smiling as I ate them, NOT for show, but out of GENUINE APPRECIATION and joy for their uniqueness and how blessed I was TO be able to experience them. But yeah, isn't that humbling and amazing, how when faced with such vices, especially when they claim to be absolute, God inspires us to CHALLENGE them with as much simple, pure, ardent Love as we can open ourselves to? Because THAT'S what's actually happening, too-- you can't try to show love. You just set your heart on it, in total courageous faith & trust, and suddenly Love is already there-- God POURS it into us, THROUGH us, by His Grace, by our openness TO that Grace, and suddenly you can't not Love everything. Joy just... blooms. And everything that's not Love, and therefore NOT true, such as fear & hate & condemnation-- all those lies just seem to fade away into their inherent nothingness. They feel totally empty. Love just triumphs, quietly and without force, but with more brilliantly irresistible power and beautiful strength than ANYTHING else in all of Creation, and in the wake of such a flood of Divinity, well... nothing unloving can stand. And so, tonight as on all Monday nights, I opened MY heart with all unashamed faithful trust & devotion & Love, and let God's Truth move in me to show that Love to EVERYTHING in this meal, by MY Love for it all, THROUGH God. It always, always boils down to that, and I am profoundly grateful for it. It is what I live for now, without question, and if I stay true, then there is no disorder. ♥

8PM Snack= chocolate & vanilla ice creams, a berry magic cup, and a blueberry pop tart! ♥ The poptart was heated but then I let it sit and the insides got SUPER GOOEY-STIFF and it tasted like LEGIT pie filling and it was LOVELY. And the magic cup was WONDERFUL-- I had forgotten how it tasted, and WOW. It's soft pink! It's the color of cotton candy and bubblegum for heaven's sakes; it's straight-up PINK and I LOVE IT. And the vanilla ice cream is TIED to childhood memory, and the chocolate had the COOLEST top-skin on it. Lots of love tonight! ♥