prismaticbleed | iscah meal log 053017 (Reply)

May. 30th, 2017 09:30 am = farewell, Jillian & Autumn! ♥ I love you both dearly and I am so glad & grateful to God that we got to know each other & grow together. May He make your futures as luminous as your hearts. ♥

Breakfast= oatmeal, raisins, brown sugar, vanilla Greek yogurt, vanilla chai tea, vanilla VHC, vanilla soymilk, and a blueberry pop tart. First things first, we have the continuing vanilla comparisons! The trouble is, it's hard to "compare" when you have no other comparisons or words to compare them against! Nevertheless, I'm further recognizing & clarifying the differences between what I DO have, and that DEMANDS FOCUS, RESPECTFUL, AWARE ATTENTION-- which in and of itself is a huge victory & blessing & step forwards. ♥ So THAT'S my real goal here-- to be ABLE to compare these flavors, by BEING PRESENT/ CONSCIOUS enough TO do so!! And every meal, every moment, I pray for that... but I can always pray more. ♥ And God's help is INFINITE, to serve our highest Good! So I will pray, and do my best to remain clear & open wide to RECEIVE His help, and I will accept in wholehearted trusting gratitude anything & everything that He allows or does not, and I will be equally trusting of HIS timing & wisdom! ♥ So, on that note, the vanillas. ♥ Guess what the VHC is similar to? THE OATMEAL. Honestly! With the brown sugar added, there is a NOTABLE similarity! The VHC has a bit of salt, like the Ensure, compared to the soymilk, and I still can't place that aftertaste but it's triggering SOME memory, so we'll see! And the chai is more like... it's not "sweet" vanilla, and not really floral either... it's warm but neutral? The exact sort of vanilla you'd expect in teas, or spicier things! Maybe it's the POD taste or something? We'll see! ♥ But I DID put the tea bag spices IN THE YOGURT, and BOY HOWDY. Now THAT was lovely!! ♥ The yogurt DOES have a more floral vanilla, but it is also delicately sweet-- AND gorgeously cultured-- but those spices? They give it all the COOLEST subtle warmth & unique accent-tone; ALL spices give that same sort of intricate high-end addition, and I honestly can't describe it yet but I do truly love it. ♥ More tries WILL happen in the future! ♥ But as for the soy, it seems to be solidly sticking to the cake comparison, but I just want to reiterate how much I love that mild & smooth soy undertone. It's so nice. ♥ Now back to the oatmeal! I can't give you any "individual data" today though because it was UNITED with the raisins & brown sugar entirely! ♥ BUT. I DID learn a lesson today. You cannot "force" unification on certain foods! Because I tried to put the biscuit-ends of the Poptart in, BUT. They DIDN'T WANT TO. And why? Because they were ALREADY UNITED, and that unity was complete. Whereas the oatmeal & raisins are complete in & of themselves, they are BOTH the products of different unity-- one to water, one to sunshine-- and sugar is MEANT to be united. BUT!! The oats are a UNIFIER! They are a canvas that HOLDS paint!! And raisins are one of those foods that love unity and have a HUGE potential for it-- produce of ALL sorts IS, by definition; plants exist to help others. So those three together are perfect; harmonious, joyous, delicious-- and, ON ITS OWN, so is the Pop Tart. Flour, sugar, fruit, corn, milk... all more unity-loving things. Brought together as such a pastry they make a whole, BUT!!! And this is key! "PACKAGED" foods in such "complete," or "final product" states, are just that-- FINAL. You can 'unite' them in superficial ways, but then that's NOT actual "unity." You CANNOT "combine" such a food with anything else unless you deconstruct it first. And ALL united things cry out in aching protest against such a thing. Hence my mistake with the PopTart pieces in the oatmeal. Despite softening into it, you could tell they weren't "part of it"-- they couldn't be; they weren't meant to; they didn't WANT to. It was TANGIBLE. So I apologized sincerely, ate those bits separate (an imperfect but genuine attempt at apology), and then ate the two separate union foods on their own, with love & appreciation deepened by that hugely-educational mistake. And, no, the oatmeal mix does NOT taste like the cookie-- there's no flour, OR butter! (+cooking in an OVEN changes the oat taste!!) But the raisins DID taste the same, all richened in fruity flavor by the heat & moisture; and the brown sugar & oats, with them, were beautiful nevertheless. ♥ They had an increased gentleness, surprisingly, by that boost of warmly, happy sweet-- grounded in the oats to become an equally warm & sweet embrace, quietly joyous, and exuberant in the little raisins. It was a joy. As for that Pop Tart? The pieces in the oatmeal got WAY "butterier" as a result, & more doughy-soft, but it didn't feel right. By itself, all sugar-crystal sweet in the icing & filling and mildly salty-buttery-sweet in that perfectly simple biscuity bit, with the filling tasting JUST LIKE the blueberries in Monday's crumbcake, all lovely crystal-purple with the added sugar but still so calmly contentedly smiling in its essence... its own unique unity, lighter & drier than the oatmeal, but also holding its own sorts of grain-warmth & heavy sweetness of sugar... that unity, too, is perfect. ♥ Even prepackaged! It's STILL made ENTIRELY of God's gifts, like literally EVERY food EVER made... and the knowledge & skill & work & creative imagination required TO blend those gifts together into art, into something uniquely, clumsily human, but still so uniquely loveable & precious as a result... ALL of that, too, comes from the infinitely Good & Loving & Generous
& Creative Heart of God. So yes, in truth, even a Pop Tart is a miracle. ♥ Bless His name!

Lunch= yet another lovely PIZZA TUESDAY, with chocolate ganache-cream cake, vanilla VHC, ranch dressing, and a side salad (one grape tomato, iceberg lettuce, 2 big cucumber slices, a few pieces of violet cabbage, and literally ONE CARROT PIECE)! And there was indeed a LOT of love in this lunch... because it's the first meal at COPE that WE'VE eaten, together. ♥ REALLY. WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS, and better than ever!!! ♥ Yes, there's still a lot of deep hurt to heal, but WE CAN, with God's unfailing, ever-present help & grace & guidance, which we are ALL reverently grateful for & open to & conscious of. PLUS!!! God ALREADY answered my morning prayer, THROUGH US... because when "I" instead becomes "we," the REAL "I" CAN EXIST, and with existence comes CONSCIOUSNESS. With it comes awareness, and attention, and focus, and ever-deeper love & gratitude. So yes-- by God's INFINITE and gorgeous Love & Mercy, We were almost 100% present for this meal. ♥ THANK YOU GOD!!! ♥ And I say "almost" because it IS still a healing process, still a war against the forces of evil that will ALWAYS try and fail to hinder God's work in Us. So struggles occur, but God uses those struggles to crush pride, to foster courage & hope & faith, and to water those heart-flowers of virtue & holiness, of course! But as long as we stand strong in our faith & dedication to Good, as long as we turn to God for aid & put forth our very best for His glory TO work through (we gotta open that door, remember), we CANNOT fail, OR despair, because as you ALL know, God uses even EVERY alleged "failure" of human effort FOR OUR HIGHEST GOOD AND HIS GLORY, if we still trust in Him despite our inevitable human weakness. ALL victory, ALL power, and ALL glory are His, after all... no matter what. ♥ And now, the much-loved meal! I'm starting with the salad as usual: even the iceberg has such true life to it, sparkling in its fresh-green delicateness & spring-rain water crisp clarity. The ranch dances with it so beautifully, its joyous bright strength still wrapping that meek and kind green in the gentlest, happiest embrace. The cucumber's green is firmer, but just as kind, and delicate, but IT is given strength by its dark green rind, firm & brave & good, tasting of the cool shadows of trees. The cabbage carries the rare color of divinity's spark, blooming powerfully but blissfully from its fractal heart, with a firm but rubber-crisp texture, clean and bright & vivid and beloved. And even tat LONE CARROT PIECE was preciously mild & sweet, with that signature carotene kiss still brightening it to happy life! And that one tomato was red-ripe and DENSER in its inner jelly than a grape, full of good water & little seeds, lovely all around. ♥ AND. I unfortunately didn't use enough, but I DID put ranch on a bit of chocolate cake!! ♥ It's AWESOME. Sour cream wouldn't work, and neither would cream OR cottage cheese, BUT plain milk would be okay, and too much sugar (ice cream) wouldn't mesh too well either, I don't think... nevertheless, something about the ranch WORKS. But I'll get THAT clearer NEXT week-- THIS week, I made up for the ranch deficit by mixing the cake with the VHC!! And-- you guessed it-- BOY HOWDY!! If they made gourmet ice cream sandwiches, THAT'S what they'd taste like!!! ♥ The bit of butter-salt richness of the icing, and the dark moist non-sharp chocolate luxury of the cake, anchored elegantly in the flour, PAIRED with the slightly 'salty,' thick & creamy, "french vanilla" tone of the VHC... like pudding & cake. Now THAT'S a match made in heaven!! ♥ So we're DEFINITELY doing THAT again, too... maybe even with the brownie on Friday! ♥ But for today, we have one last blessed thing to further bless: the PIZZA!! ♥ GUESS WHAT? PIZZA CRUST TASTES LIKE PIE CRUST. I KID YOU NOT! It's not exact, but WHOA is it ever close!! The pie has lard, not oil, and so it's "softer" & buttery, whereas the pizza just has oil, so it's harder but still soft without crumbling or mushing. And its main flour undertone has a SLIGHTLY more wholegrain-wheat taste, BUT its base tone, especially with its sweetness, which perfectly anchors the also-semisweet but peppery & red-heavy-rich tomato sauce, AND the milky chewy cheese, which (due to the milk) has its own special "sweetness" that, rooted in savory qualities, also perfectly complements the sugar-sweet touch to the crust... that tone, that precious flour heart, is the same. And that TEXTURE. PRAISE BE TO GOD that such a thing exists & can be experienced!! It's firm, NOT soft like a fruit pie, OR brittle like a pumpkin pie, BUT like the latter in taste (like EXACTLY so!!! ♥), BUT THICKER & CUSHY-SOFT. It's divine. I can't wait for next Tuesday!!! ♥

3PM Snack= a chocolate magic cup, both in light of the cake, AND in preparation for tonight's BIG healing-snack goalplan!! ♥ And here's the coolest thing-- it's not quite like the cake "ganache," as there's no buttery/ creamy taste... but it is almost EXACTLY a HERSHEY'S KISS!!! ♥ And the texture is like THICK, gel-y pudding when warmed!! ♥ Thanks Nina!!

Dinner= chicken w/ skin, gravy, bread stuffing w/ celery & pepper (that's what I got!), vanilla VHC, a vanilla shake 'em up, an orange cream magic cup, and a sweet potato souffle. I was oddly dissociating a lot during this meal, possibly from simple day-stress/ mental exhaustion, BUT God gave me Laurie and I LOVE her, SO much, and she feels the same for me so together we did our absolute best!! ♥ The orange magic cup, finally revisited, was WONDERFUL. It was still fairly cold-solid, but that was fine too-- the mouthfeel of that stuff is downright divine. AND, it tastes like a LEGIT ORANGE. REALLY! Not OJ, Not an artificial candy quality... but really like the fruit, just as bright clear lovely orange flavor! ♥ BUT there's also the cream aspect, however surprisingly subtle, and honestly? If you squeezed fresh orange juice into a syrupless mini-sundae, it would probably taste QUITE similar to this-- just without that denser, thicker texture & related flavor affectation. But yes, it was lovely. ♥ The shake 'em up was ALSO lovely, AND it, too, tasted more like the SUNDAE ice cream than the normal sort-- or at least, it did with how much cream taste was in it! But it ALSO is mostly milk, and that taste is ALSO clear! So it's very unique-- and yes, there is a white sugar + corn syrup sweetness to it (the sugar taste, but mellowed out? Still learning! ♥), AND because of the milk majority, it flows as smoothly as the soymilk-- maybe just a tad creamier (there's lots of water in the soymilk). But its vanilla flavor is also the white sort of the sundae-- a subtly different sweet than the magic cup, but similar enough in the cream (gotta check again one night), although it's FAR lighter & "floatier" in tone. However! Its simplicity helped clarify HOW different the VHC is! That aftertaste IS the "grainy chewable" multivitamin taste!! THAT'S the memory link! ♥ And flavor-wise vs the shake, it's saltier, heavier, warmer toned & less "bright," more "round-wide" sweet, and still reminding me the most of vanilla pudding. HOWEVER!!! I put some in the TEA today and WHOA BUDDY, I think THAT'S what Borders chai tasted like??? I'm DEFINITELY trying that again tomorrow, with the LEGIT chai-spice tea bag-- AND the vanilla soymilk to contrast to it!! ♥ So THAT will be SUPER COOL. (Tomorrow is also FRENCH TOAST & EGGS, which I'm gonna SUPER experiment with-- it's gonna rock.) Next up for today, though, is that MAIN COURSE! ♥ The gravy ISN'T as salty as I previously though-- it's nice, thickened but not heavy or pudding-like (which wouldn't work well in this meal context), and tasting mostly of chicken "boullion" and warmed saltiness-- NOT sharp or overpowering. It's perfect, in fact, for its partners-- which are both mild in flavor, and neutral-toned, being altogether warmed & enriched by it! Speaking of, that stuffing? WOW. For how simple it is, it's like... precious as a result. It has NO salt taste, and it's NOT sticky OR doughy-- it's wet & soft & spongy! Not mushy like the bread pudding, or as soft-light in mouthfeel-- the stuffing does "stick together," but nicely, like... well. Like itself! It's bread cubes, moist but not soaked, and heated to where it "stuffs together" and soft-stiffens and turns into something new and lovely. It has SUCH a soft texture, too, the ONLY thing I can compare it to-- in BOTH that and its plain bready taste (but NOT white bread; it DOESN'T taste like the roll or buns OR sliced bread)-- is the LASAGNA!!! Honestly, it's SUPER CLOSE!! But there's also a sprinkle of pepper and wonderful chickensoup-flavored cooked celery bits in it, too, which-- adding all of that together with the gravy-- is a beautifully savory but comfortingly "bready" taste. And it's WONDERFUL with that chicken!! It's quite different from ALL the other chicken?? It's a little pinkish, and has a "heavier" flavor tone? NOT salty, but... I'm not sure! Because that flavor comes not only from the bottom influence of stuffing & gravy, (which tastes TOTALLY unlike the breaded chicken, from what I recall), but MOSTLY from the SKIN & FAT on top!! So, not only is there that distinct fat taste, there's also the currently-indescribable skin taste, and-- being cooked- it's GOLDEN BROWN, and DOES have a notable "oven" taste! It was SO clear when it hit me then, but it evades me now. Ah well, now I know what to focus on NEXT week! ♥ But I loved it all today... especially my dear souffle. ♥ That TEXTURE-- it's like the skin-top of a pumpkin pie, ALL around, and MORE "resistant" in bouncy filmy-firmness... and its inside is SO BEAUTIFULLY THICK but smooth, from the beloved addition of EGG. ♥ And maybe milk! AND it's full of SPICES, cinnamon & nutmeg & maybe clove, and sweet with sugar, too! ♥ I love it so. And even if I feel stuffed, I refuse to reject God's gift of this meal. It is a special blessing, to sanctify my heart & will. ♥

8PM Snack= it's the MEGA CHOCOLATE/ VANILLA COMPARISON CHALLENGE!!! One chocolate sundae, one ice cream sandwich, AND one chocolate & one vanilla MINI ICE CREAMS!! ♥ Infinitii wholeheartedly approved of this healing effort, as I've been honestly evading those and I want to love them, too... but REAL love is always marked by wounds. The evil one TRIED to make me hate them... but God only gives us challenges WE can win, us AND God. And God gave me Infi. And now, seeds of true, determined healing love are sprouting. ♥