prismaticbleed | iscah meal log 060317 (Reply)

Jun. 3rd, 2017 09:30 am = let your heart sparkle! ★★★

Breakfast= oatmeal, raisins, a blueberry pop tart, a strawberry pop tart, vanilla VHC, vanilla soymilk, a strawberry Nutrigrain bar, and cinnamon tea (a surprise from Jena's dad)! And I'll tell you what, just like Bernie-- this breakfast is now a FAVE. ♥ Yes, this one, that I originally met with such anxiety & protest; poor darling! I was blind to the love & light in it nevertheless, by the grace of God... but now? Through faith, hope, & sheer indomitable devoted determination to LOVE, by that SAME blessed beloved God-given grace, now I CAN see, AND taste, AND feel that love & light within it, with it, within me-- figuratively and literally, of course. ♥ But yes, today was the key. Why? Because I took the last "proper respect" step-- and I HEATED THE POP TARTS. ♥ DUDE I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD MAKE THAT BIG OF A BEAUTIFUL DIFFERENCE. Don't get me wrong; cold PopTarts are beautiful too; but they are MEANT to be heated-- and NOW I SEE WHY! ♥ Their fruity filling CHANGES. The sugars caramelize, and the flavor mellows-- heat does that to things!-- changing the cold-sugar sharpness of intensity into a warm-sugar wideness, if that makes sense?-- but best of all, the TEXTURE SHIFTS!! It, too caramelizes! ♥ It's no longer stiffly-gel solid, but more like the Nutrigrain filling in flow? BUT, Nutrigrains don't have heat-sticky-firm bits!!! ♥ And I LOVE that stuff! The heat ALSO mellows the icing sweetness to match, WITHOUT changing its feeling of childlike joyful sugar-sparkle, AND it mellows the BISCUIT flavor, enhancing its "salty" buttery undertone, and softening its texture just a little-- making it similar to the pie crust? But not crumbly like it! In any case, trust me when I say IT IS WONDERFUL. ♥ I am SO GLAD I got to have them BOTH today like that, too! ♥ I'm looking forward to next Saturday so I can treasure them again & deepen the data! Similarly, I must reiterate that I truly love the Nutrigrain bars, too-- IN THE NOW. I've realized that I was previously shackling them to past fears & unsafe environments, and other sad things... which is totally unfair! The food is innocent and GOOD, and it never had a say in what it was associated with in the past-- BUT! I have a say in how I protect & cherish it NOW! ♥ And now, it is soft & childlike & sweet & gentle, its grain-sweet & soft outside lovely & embracing that deep red lovely strawberry inside so perfectly. And the oatmeal & raisins, too, are BEAUTIFULLY GOOD in the present, too! ♥ Together, they are humble & comforting & sweet & happy, their textures so cool together-- and today, I ALSO added a tiny bit of the VHC-- and DUDE that REALLY added an extra tone of pure-sweet-gentle vanilla warmth!! I've GOT to do that again in the future! But yes, by itself even, I really love the VHC! It has such a boss consistency, all creamy & "pancake batter thick" as everyone said it would be-- and which is AWESOME. And its flavor, slightly different than the Ensure (a little mellower?), is also great! It's "heavier" than the soymilk's lovely light sweetness, but it's NOT sugary like the Ensure was... and of course, I'm also amusingly fond of that "multivitamin" aftertaste! Same with our old friend, the soymilk-- there's such a playful delicacy to its flavor, but it's just so HAPPY, even though it's also so serene! I really do love it. Guess what ELSE I love? THE CINNAMON TEA!!! ♥ It's a brand-new, special limited-edition joy for real-- Jena's father brought TWO BAGS on his last visit, and Jena thought of me & my love of spiced teas (honestly she is SUCH A SWEETHEART; I love her dearly & just wish we could be closer-- I'll have to find ways to relate to & reach out to her more when she's feeling well), and so I now had the EXTRA breakfast bliss today of CINNAMON TEA! I keep capitalizing it because it really was JUST THAT AWESOME. It's also just that simple... cinnamon tea. Just... take a look at those two words, combine 'em, and TREASURE the result. I already love cinnamon, and I've become very fond of black tea, so when you put those two strong & lovely tastes together? Yeah. It's LOVELY x 2. And it was ALSO the PERFECT FLAVOR COMPLEMENT to the oatmeal & raisins & VHC beautiful combo!! Man. If they didn't frown on mixing drinks here-- ironically, because if you've ever been to a coffee shop they are ALL about mixing drinks (but really, it's actually about keeping vigilant track of fluid amounts)-- I would have TOTALLY mixed it with the vanilla VHC. Their tones are a PERFECT match, honestly. But hey, if I can't do so here, that's a joy I can look forward to perpetuating at home! ♥

Lunch= SELF-SELECT #2!! ♥ Now that I have a much clearer grasp of how this works & what to do, it's a source of SHEER JOY for me. Not only is the environment beautiful-- wide open spaces, high ceilings, moving cool air, bright wide windows lining the walls AND ceiling edges-- but the EXPERIENCE itself is just so freeing. It's so liberating-- not just because I can walk about IN that openness & look at all the varieties of food, God's beautiful Created life-giving living things-- not just because it's NOT isolated or hyperfocused or cramped or unnaturally silent-- and not even just because I get to experience the sheer joy of FREE BUT STRUCTURED CREATIVITY-- my favorite, a sandbox but with defining walls-- in being given an exhanges-to-meet list but then having TOTAL freedom of choice to figure out how to meet those exchanges, without going over in exchanges or portions, WITH the limited selection at the cafeteria, that VARIES every day! But yes, as a result, today was a vaster challenge of opportunity & discovery, blessedly so, and for today's equally blessed lunch, SO new, I chose: a wheat flour pita w/ lettuce & tomato, corned beef lunchmeat, provolone cheese, & mayonnaise; apple slices w/ caramel sauce; a container of Kashi GoLean crunch; white chocolate cappuccino; decaf coffee; & chai tea. I also admittedly had seven hot sauce packets but that just SOLIDLY CONFIRMED that I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT! So I WON'T. ♥ Let's focus on everything that went WELL! ♥

3PM Snack= well kids, I finally did it. I made a SNACK OPTION GRAB BAG, and the first one I picked was an orange magic cup, so here we are! I got to eat it in the COMPUTER ROOM while talking to GRANT (who is awesome) and even though it was TOTALLY FROZEN it was... dare I say... MAGICAL. ♥ I'm totally serious guys, it tasted so happy. I'm so glad God surprise-blessed me with this little gift! ♥

Dinner= breaded chicken tenders w/ pepper, french fries, a single ketchup packet, strawberry yogurt, fig newtons, and vanilla VHC. I flippin' love this dinner you guys. Let's start with those NEWTONS! Like this morning's dear Nutrigrain, once I lovingly freed these dear fruit bars from past-vibe shackles, releasing them new & free into the NOW-- again, THANK GOD for my paradoxical blessing of memory issues & detachment from the past-- they became TOTALLY FEARLESS & LOVED! ♥ The fig filling, full of blissful-texture tiny seeds, and sun-browned-purple "caramelized" dried-fruit sweetness, just a little tart at the edges like the raisins, but not as "sharp," surprisingly! I wonder why that is? I'll have to look it up. But in any case, like the raisins in the oatmeal, the figs & the golden-brown-tinted flour here go so well together. Interestingly, I don't think it'd work the other way around? Like, the raisins have a more intense tartness & sweetness both, and need the super-mild-gentle oats to hold them best... whereas the figs are still sweet & tart, but less so, AND more blue-leaning in sweetness, maybe?? It IS a notably different color tone in any case, and color is VITA when it comes to combos & unities! But yes, no way to compare that here, except in memory data! Still, the Newtons are dearly enjoyed now, pun intended. ♥ The strawberry yogurt is ALSO dearly enjoyed, not just because of that BLISSFULLY FROTHY mouthfeel, which I genuinely love, but ALSO because of its particular pink taste-- it's more pastel than the Greek kind and not leaning blue like the cake filling, but it's not red either, like the fillings & syrups... it's like, a childlike pink? Especially with those little red berry bits in it! It's soft & gently sweet, but the sweetness is so clear-- the actual strawberry flavor is quite mild, and actually feels secondary to the vibe?? It's hard to put into words! You'll have to be patient with me; I'll try it again soon and give you clearer data then. At least now I know what to describe & pay extra attention to!! The only "succinct" thing I can say is that this strawberry yogurt is like, "plush" almost? Vibe-wise? That "childlike" feel keeps sticking out in my head. But yeah. I'll get back to you on it later on. For today, I truly loved it, and that's enough. ♥ You know, that's something I've been feeling a LOT lately with these journals-- yes, it's very helpful & respectful & loving to actively SHOW my gratitude & Love & praise of God both in & for His gifts of food & friendship & healing, which is what I specifically keep this journal for, and WANT to KEEP doing-- and it ALSO helps my memory & focus, obviously-- but sometimes, I worry that in the writing, I worry so much about "data" that it's taking away from the actual experiences? Like that yogurt-- yes, I loved it, but if I can't describe it clearly enough afterwards, I feel I'm losing sight of that love. And if I try too hard to "GET data" during a meal, it can take away from simple enjoyment. BUT. I NEED BOTH!!! So there HAS to be a BALANCE, a harmony-- I need to simply talk about what I DO remember, in grateful childlike love & praise of God, without obsessing over what I don't remember today-- and, when I AM eating, I must be AWARE of that loving purpose, and get more, purer, clearer data through LOVING attention-- AND, not surprisingly, through Laurie's help!!! "Describe it to me," she always asks, then peppers me with specific questions-- BUT!!! She ALSO affirms & encourages my LOVE & GRATITUDE, adding in "you're really enjoying that, huh?" or "So what's your favorite thing about this food?" ACTIVE love! After all, I can praise all I want after, but it's the NOW MOMENT that we SHOW Love in, and keeping my mind & motives & total experience FIXED ON LOVE in such an actively PARTICIPATORY way, is what matters most. ♥ So, what do I love about the fries? Their oily taste, their firm & chewy golden pointy ends, their starchy-airy potato insides, the soft cushy bite & mouthfeel of the bendy fries, the way the firmer fries are just a but crisp when you bite them, and the golden-oil taste tone it all has, rich enough that they don't need salt! And what do I love about the CHICKEN? Their peppery-spicy heat, the crisp-hard breading texture, the fact that it's HARD at the very ends but not crunchy, the smooth bready mouthfeel, the juicy taste of the chicken, and those little bits of fat through the bottom! And the VHC? I love its thickness, its creamy consistency, its warm but gentle vanilla taste, and that unique vitaminy tone. And THAT'S the data that counts! ♥

8PM Snack= the final "challenge" options: a berry magic cup, a chocolate syrup mini-sundae, & the tiny chocolate/ vanilla ice creams! I REALLY like the magic cups & sundaes again, thank Goodness; the berry cup is very "potent sweet" but it IS lovely! Same goes for the heavy syrup-chocolate of the sundae-- very sweet, but truly nice. And those little ice creams are growing on me, too! Just remember-- KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, DUDE!!! ♥

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SELF SELECT 060317 =Jun. 3rd, 2017 11:30 am / #2 (LUNCH) ~SATURDAY 060317~ ♥ = 8 ★ = 5 ✦ = 0 / (S) 3 | (P) 3 | (F) 2 | (D) 1 | (FR) 1
♥1) Wheat flour pita (2S) ★2) Lunchmeat: corned beef; 3oz (3P) ♥3) Provolone cheese; 2 slices (1D) ♥4) Lettuce & tomato (~V) ♥5) Mayonnaise; 5 tbsp? (3F) ♥6) Apple slices (1FR) ♥7) Caramel sauce (-) ★8) Kashi soy/ wheat/ fiber cereal (1S) ★9) White chocolate cappuccino; 120mL (-)
★10) Decaf coffee; 120mL (-) ♥11) Chai tea; 360mL (-) ♥12) Decaf black tea; 350mL (-) ★13) Hot sauce; 7 packets (-)
the pita has a GORGEOUS taste & texture! the caramel & apples were really NICE! the cereal was actually NICE and even better with the cappuccino in it! but data is unclear for: lunchmeat, provolone, cappuccino although I DID sincerely love them all very much! ♥
♥keep loving! = applesauce, whole milk, jello, hot sauce ♥new friends! = wheat pita, provolone, caramel, chai tea, corned beef lunchmeat, white chocolate cappuccino ♥almost there!= kashi golean crunch, coffee
upcoming friendships= pepperjack cheese, onion kaiser roll, french roll, marble rye, croissant, turkey lunchmeat✔, foccacia bread, strawberry jello, cookies & cream sundae, roasted veggie salad, orange pekoe tea, english breakfast tea, breaded fish, lemon poppyseed cake, blueberry bagel, french vanilla cappuccino, big cookies, ice cream cookie sandwiches, salad dressings✔, cake squares w/ frosting