daily life snippets from dec 2020
Dec. 13th, 2020 01:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prismaticbleed121320
GAUDETE SUNDAY 💗💗💗
Singing Gabriel's Message in a higher key gave me BOSS VIBRATO? Remembering pre-hormone voice. Lots of hope; thank you God!
Cooking Sunday dinner with grandma! ❤ I love taking care of the family.
HUNGER for God lately.
YEARNING for Bible study, not food
EWTN= CONSECRATED VIRGINITY IS A LITERAL THING THAT THE BISHOP MUST OFFICIATE. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS AND I AM NOW SUPER PSYCHED. If I can't join a convent, or maybe even if I can, I'M GONNA DO THIS.
WEEPING over Juan Diego.
Remember when I actually didn't like Our Lady Of Guadalupe? Like LITERALLY up until about a week ago? And now I love her. Thank you God, thank you EWTN, thank you dear brother Saint Juan Diego, he is THE SWEETEST MAN, also now one of my patron saints. He WAS trying to get my attention in Charlotte remember! I wonder if I still have that sticker.
Next on the list is SAINT THERESE. Help me out EWTN!
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Monday.
Geisinger gastrointestinal appointment. Woke up in tons of pain so good timing amusingly. Very nice girl!
Bloodwork and stomach x-ray immediately after.
Checked out the IBS meds she wants me to take; it's literally just peppermint balls in a pill and it's 30 DOLLARS WHAT.
Food "compulsive addictions" are DYING OFF FAST and I think I have Mary to thank ❤
Grandma CATscan at Mercy. Underground!
Six people in an elevator! Gosh I MISS being so close to people. 🥺
Also remember the old EKG-checkin Jewish dude with a gorgeous nose and a Star of David face mask, you made my day, God bless you!
Bedtime hysterical panic, weeping. Praying.
Fell asleep listening to Spanish pop music
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Tuesday.
TEN DAYS TO GO!!! 💚❤🎄😍
Dreamt about being a Celebi!
Woke up in health terror. Gastro call worsened.
Therapist appointment; late but informative. Sexualization of child self by mom & grandma having no proper comprehension of how open discussion of it & forced exposure can damage a child.
Gynec gonna put me on an estrogen patch. Odd sort of poetic "contrast" to old testosterone gel, especially now that two of my old gal pals are now trying to sadly "become men." Feels like I'm testifying to the truth of God with this; helping "repair the past"
V8 JUICE & SOYMILK GONNA SAVE MY LIFE THANKS GOD!!
Gosh we're really going back to the forgotten joys of high school, this is awesome.
AMAZING DIET PROGRESS. Ate a WHOLE can of lentil soup AND an avocado with NO FEAR.
Whenever Phlegmoni comes on TV now, grandma says "there's your buddy!" 🥺💕 aaaaaaaa it's so sweet
"You will experience loss and betrayal" BECAUSE CHRIST DID!
"The Lord is close to the BROKEN hearted" = it's how the light gets in. True, HOLY sorrow BREAKS YOU OPEN.
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Therapy hell "mixed messages" "no game plan"
The reason why I can simultaneously support and oppose the same opinion or idea is because I DONT SEE MYSELF AS AN INDIVIDUAL WHEN DOING SO? Like I'm just a voice giving voice to a missing voice.
I have MAJOR ANGER ISSUES
I'm also a control freak apparently? Which is deeply disturbing. Is that a trauma panic reaction?? Like if I can "orchestrate" the circumstances around me I can hopefully prevent more injury & terror??
A thought: Perfect Chaos CANNOT destroy the world because GOD SENT THE RAINBOW. It's a PROMISE. Remind him of that when he feels terrified of himself.
