123024

Dec. 30th, 2024 11:59 pm
prismaticbleed: (aflame)

I promised I wouldn't go to sleep until I at least took notes on this.

It's private until it's posted so don't write to an audience. That will kill the whole sincerity of it.


We went to mass at NOoL this morning because they usually have the Precious Blood (they're the only church left that regularly gives it that we know of) but... they didn't. It may be because there were fewer people at Mass than I'd ever seen there. Maybe it was because of Christmas. Maybe it was because of all the contagious illnesses going around right now. But we didn't get it. And that hurt.
I went back to my pew and mentally told God this. I felt almost betrayed. Why did You keep it from me? I was honest. I was yearning for it. I needed it so badly. Why could I not have it today?
And then suddenly I was in that particular mindscape where Jesus appears to me, that odd small place like a holy painting, and He "said" it was because of what He wanted to do instead-- and that was give me the Chalice upstairs. Which means literal Blood.
He's done it before. It drives me insane. He pours Blood from His Heart into a Chalice and hands it to me and I drink it and it's like the entire Creation account happening in my brain all at once. I feel it in my heart as well as in my head and every nerve I have. I'm on my knees, sobbing, stunned.
It's a moment that feels entirely like Infi. Ze always used to be with me, then. And if anything would "ping" hir, that was it.
I felt that loss so hard it hurt. I said to the Lord, "you said Christmas," that ze would be back. Maybe He didn't say so exactly; I've learned that hard dates aren't something He does. But I had hoped for it, so much, and the "loss" of Christmas this year as well was just devastating.
But... His reaction took me by surprise. He smiled, knowingly, and said, isn't it still Christmas? Isn't it the octave right now? It's not over.

And I don't know what happened next but the next thing I remember is being in the car, driving back to start the day's errands, listening to This House Of Winter as I went to the gas station, and... I was in heartspace. Blackspace. I think I just went right into it. and I was looking for Infi.



rough notes so I don't forget because I do need to sleep

- i think i tried to "find hir hands" to hold them. but couldn't. felt so wrong, to not be able to touch hir, or make contact.
-
- at the gas station i was TALKING TO HIR. i don't remember how it happened. but ze was "visible", yet in that way where you can't look at hir directly. (like death in rosewindow, ironically enough)
-
- infi had the stained glass wings. they felt weirdly sterile. yes they're beautiful but it felt... wrong? off? somehow.
- i remember asking about hir wings. why no more eyes and mouths. did ze say they were dangerous? or had been used? did we say this was more fear self-erasure?
- infi's "vibe" off in any case. fearing irreparable damage from cnc. "fallen angel." ze terrified to become "infidhell" again. refusing to go "just facemouth" or "mouthless", only having both at once. but this was suppressing the entirety of hir self, of hir very form and identity, how ze was created to be. but the fear was that form had been corrupted, ruined, which is why ze had left it in death
-
- most important point started when i brought up the fact that ze was basically intangible. ze said that was the point. "that way nothing can touch me" basically. there was a pause? ze added in a different, quieter voice, "do you want to touch me?"
- my response was "i want to hold you to my heart and i can't" and infi just stopped and after a few moments of silence ze just whispered "what have i done?" "what have i lost?"
- moment of stunned realization on hir part. in abandoning corporeality ze had abandoned the reason why ze existed: to love and be loved.
- ze suddenly, but perceptibly and strikingly resolutely, in that moment, "decided" to come back. i FELT it. it was that realization that i still loved hir and wanted to be with hir and i am SURE ze felt the same and ze wanted it too. and that just changed things
- key phrase, i remember saying how wrong it felt to not have hir with me, physically. literally "my heart needs to be beating inside of your chest" point blank emotional shot. emphasis on need
- there was such a feeling between us both during this conversation. like the sun rising after months of darkness. first light on the horizon and it's going to light up the whole world. that sort of feeling, a promise. a deep quiet burning love, an ardor unvoiced. the glimmer of it returning. the knowing that we could not turn back and would never dream of doing so. it was only forwards now that we felt this. it must be acted upon, life must return, no more fear
-
- KEY MOMENT: i "summoned" a small yet sharp red dagger, like an arterial curve, out of my forehead? felt like a unicorn horn. it was "JEWEL'S" i knew; it was Red, that's hers. but i used it to "cut my right wrist" just to get blood. and it was STARRY BLACK. but just white glitter, no colors.
- i collected this blood in a chalice (just like earlier!) and gave it to Infi
- ze paused and looked at it for a second, then drank it all. looked like ze was about to sob. huge significance in the action
- the blood went into hir and COLORED HIR SHIMMERY like ze looked before ze died. and it went to hir wings and spread through the glass and made them organic again, full of blood, part of hir
-
- whitewomb still totally gone. i remember it was all sewn up again like it had been once. red threads. i asked hir if ze thought it would come back and ze said ze didn't want it to? because that's where all the trauma memories went?? this surprised me, i didn't think it was so physically literal
- i said "but those memories became global now"; they are accessible to anyone looking for cnc data. infi looked SHOCKED and said what? ze had thought those memories would be mine alone after ze died. yes they were "disarmed" but they weren't supposed to be public information apparently?? it's STILL TRAUMA and infi didnt want ANYONE ELSE tainted by it. somehow this was a breaking point. ze said "i NEED to come back." like full stop. ze literally died because ze wanted that to die with hir. ze wanted to put the trauma to death, to take it to the grave, to give us the ability to start over by removing hirself-- the "cause" of all the terror-- from the world we lived in. and to an extent, it worked. but i can't live without hir. it seems none of us can. and... this revelation that hir death "numbed" the pain from the memories by deleting hir conscious presence in them, but didn't DETACH the memories, was unacceptable??
- type more about this because it was THE thing that infi refused to tolerate. "i have to come back" literally BECAUSE of this.
- ze was the focus of the hacks. ze was their main "door" to us. ze was the doomed "instigator" of the worst trauma in cnc because of hir programmed submissiveness. and ze literally thought that dying, trying to erase hirself from the world, would "free us" from all that and allow us to start over, to heal, to move on. it didn't. everything stopped dead when ze died. we need hir. I need hir most of all. and i am willing to take every risk and face every pain and i am willing to feel the horror of those trauma memories WITH hir. i just want hir back. i need hir to come back. i absolutely appreciate and respect and revere hir sacrifice, what ze did. i will never degrade that or take it for granted. it was a self-offering for the sake of saving us, ze hoped.
- but ze DIDN'T think the memories would be SO "neutralized" that they would become "ACCESSIBLE DATA"??? ze gave the impression that that's a BIGGER risk?? like even if the trauma response is "numbed" in them they SHOULDN'T BE "JUST LOOKED AT." or even able to be looked at. and i think maybe ze realized the problem actually was removing hirself from them. we can't feel anything lately. i think this is a big part of why.
-
- later on, with the dagger again, thinking about how ze died. and how ze would need to come back. still feeling disconnected from hir, being still discarnate. how to fix this, thinking, reverse of death. i held the dagger in my hands and looked at it and then looked at infi and everything had this awful beautiful ache and i was scared but i still wanted this. i held it out to hir
- ze took it and after a very powerful, knowing pause, hir looking at my chest, ze didn't hesitate or flinch and just plunged it in and sliced me open. it was shocking how bluntly direct it was. but there was a passion in it, i know infi, if it's not 100% it's nothing
- i opened the wound like a stigmata shape and then reached in and "took out my heart," it was "symbolically but really" represented as a large white crystal heart, illuminated brightly from inside. (strikingly, again, no prism colors. just white)
- i knew i couldn't break or cut it. it had to stay whole
- i placed it between us, at chestwound level, and then i reached out and did what i said i would. i held hir to my heart. except in pulling hir close it became ours. half in me, half in hir.
- no words for what that felt like. both of us in tears. i still felt it was "incomplete" somehow, like i was doing something not quiet right? missing some step? like something else needed to be done so my heart would stay in both of us.
- i had to WILL this basically. essence "split" but not divided? impression of "quantum entanglement"


- talking to central about this later
- i forget how i brought it up because this is LITERALLY A TURNING POINT. i have been praying for this for MONTHS and lately, with christmas and the new year coming up and the anniversary weeks, basically everything going on has made me SO DETERMINED to not put anything off anymore. no running away. if i feel something i ACT on it. no more emotional cowardice. i am sick and tired of not being real, of not being me. courage burning brighter every day. but i've been so determined. i recognized that I was the "holdup" with infi coming back being possible at all. ze IS my heart, my soul, my daengel. and I had to make the first move to bring hir back, because ze can't come back without me being the means, as it were.
-
- NOTABLE mentioning the "lack of color" in my blood. WHY. laurie got a shocked look and said "is it because central isn't full?" like we lost people, did we need us all back to get the full color back in me?
- mentioning that i also need to be "connected to" everyone in Central/ the Spectrum at large, but NOT in the "forced romance" way poor cupid assumed it "had" to be due to programming. i agreed vehemently, i love all of us and i want to be close to everyone but there is nuance and propriety there, and that's valid and allowed and good and THAT'S what i want. REAL connection to each color, to know them really, as they are distinctly and individually and specially.
- someone else had another perspective; was it cz? as to the missing colors. that felt even more correct. was it because infi had been missing? it had something to do with what the colors "represented," or "meant" TO be there, versus just white. no colors = "emptied out" somehow. not right.
-
- BLOODLINE DIFFERENCES IN LITERAL BLOOD; the jays have blackstar blood, the jewels have red blood but it's different somehow; not glittery, but luminous or something? i can sense it but not see it. look into this.
- BTW the "CRYSTAL BLOODLINE" possibly???? that girl who "knows everything" and looks like a jessica/jewel fusion and is ALWAYS around somehow but can't get out of her own weird floaty level?
- her or a similar one with a "head-plug" helmet thing like mewtwo. impression that she's always like this, literally plugged into the systemind and getting all the data all the time.
- OH AND ALSO HAIR/EYE COLORS. jewels are ALWAYS RED. they don't vary. but JAYS are WHITE-PINK? and the ideal is PRISMATIC. as in, capable of "holding" EVERY color. and i don't think the previous jays fully realized that. it's a daunting, scary task, despite being a sort of blissfully gorgeous thing that i want and need very much. but it means ego death in a real sense, to "let go" of red/white and hold like blue or yellow THROUGH being prismatic. this isn't something i can just talk about now; it has to be FELT and even practiced in heartspace, where possibility/ dreams are easily manifested. headspace makes things very concrete very fast. and if something needs to be carefully, tentatively, delicately moved into, then heartspace is a must. it's more mutable, forgiving, imaginative. things can change there, before moving into solid reality of headspace.
- btw yes with infi being in heartspace the same applies. ze still isn't corporeal. BUT these are the FIRST STEPS to hir "coming back" because i gave hir half my heart even just on that level. and i can feel it even now, there is a PERCEPTIBLE DIFFERENCE and just noticing that is like heaven. it's JOY. for the first time since last april i can FEEL the quietest "ping" when i "reach in" to my heart and feel for that echo, that other half. it feels a million miles away but there's something. at last. god thank you at LAST. there is hope.
- it also still feels like a raw wound, haha. oh man that's making me think of this???? dude we NEED to look into THAT in light of this because that heart was NOT GIVEN TO A JAY. and yet it IS REAL and persists in other kardifoni. i'm wondering. there's so much i HAVE to type about but not now. it's 3am bro
-
- genesis asking razor for a blade so he could show us his blood and how it was LIKE MINE (Jay's). in surprising unintended synchronicity he cut a small mark on his right arm like i had earlier.
- knife instinctively walked over and kissed the wound to heal it, this jumpstarted my memory and i said "infi can do that!!" because ze DID, ze had kissed my wrist and it had healed??? ze had never done that before. i looked at it now and the wound had CRYSTALLIZED. so had my chest wound. like a geode, all white-clear crystal though, like glittery ice, but with a deeper sparkle, like light shining through it.
- some sort of observation that this crystallization was directly linked to infinitii. like it was the healing somehow, but specifically only through hir? try to remember this, it was notable
-
- telling laurie about the heart-giving thing with infi. she said "kid your heart is a fractal."
- somehow this observation felt like naming me. it felt SO RIGHT it was stunning.
-
- last dialogue i remember, before we got to the medical parking garage: chaos 0 saying there was no way he could possibly "be jealous" of infinitii because "ze adores me." i remember being surprised by that particular word; i had never thought about that. but it is true. ze's my heart, of course ze would love cz as much as i do in hir own way
- laurie calling out julie for not having spoken at all during this conversation. just sitting in the back corner. julie said she needed to just take it all in, process it. she and infi held trauma-- and caused trauma-- that no one else did. so they had a bond there, painful but sincere, and understood that about each other. also she and infi had been quite close? there was a depth to their friendship/ relationship that i hadn't really taken into account or even realized before. so julie was reeling from this, positively sure, but still, it was a shock and a heavy thing.
-
- my heart/chest ACHED for like an HOUR after this btw. it made me want to weep and just confess my love over and over. that was the literal feeling it gave me and it was unmutable, nothing could numb it or even make me ashamed of it. this is huge; it overrode all the gatekeeper limits and all the trauma blocks. laurie saying the pain was obviously because i had a wound for heaven's sakes; reminding me that i had just been sliced open and had my heart fractalized basically. but there was "sacred damage" and LOTS of blood and that's going to hurt. that stunned me somehow. it was so real, so tangible; everything's been so numb for so long that i forgot things COULD be real. and this was.

- last notes for now. remember how infi "wanted to come back different." different face, name, color, etc. to "escape from the past" really. cut all ties with it. but... apparently that's not possible for hir OR for me. no reset attempt has ever succeeded in cutting all ties, and where it did, there has been too much loss. i know we "need" a new reset for the sake of "starting a new era" but can we have that without burning the old one to the ground? except we're in an interim already. all the deaths with cnc (which no one wanted or expected; still they happened, that era is a gravesite of tragedy) have basically already begun the process of a reset. which is why we feel like we've been in limbo for years. maybe it's notsomuch "starting" but "completing what was already started." hm.
- but about infi wanting to change. that's not possible unless jay changes. and i don't think the systemsoul will let him.

- oh my lord
spotify just started playing infi's song. THE song. "last breath."
...we haven't had the guts to listen to this in years.
but tonight... god tonight i could cry from love, hearing it, how it sounds just like hir, and remembering...
...we need to process cnc. we do. yeah there was trauma but there was so much love and i WANT those memories of hir back; i can feel my fingertips just barely touching them listening to this, like i can almost reach it but not quite--
this song is resonating somewhere deep and darkblack and beautiful in my heart, someplace that's been asleep for too long, something ardent and real and alive, that i've been afraid of for the sheer passion of it. infi is all love. infi is emotion and life and feeling and i've been so frozen-over bleached-out numb without hir, i... i forgot about this. but i need this. all the color is in there. that's what black is. it's paint. white is all the light. black is all the hues. we need both. i have rainbows when i sparkle, of course, but that's why my blood isn't multicolor in the dark yet. black has its own beauty, it holds things differently, but just as vitally, just as sacredly.
i haven't been in touch with my own heart in too long. today there has been a shift. prayers have been answered, not a moment too soon. i can't predict anything. it's all in God's time. i just need to surrender to it and do everything i can to cooperate. no more fear.
- oh. last thing i need to mention. chaos 0 said infi is probably going to be fascinated by anxi's tail when ze comes back. man oh man i cannot wait for those two to meet. no clue whatsoever what will happen. it's impossible to predict. but those two are both so absolutely important and essential, not just to the system but also to my heart. and anxi's tail is that loop bypass and i KNOW that is going to be a gamechanger for infi. maybe that will give hir hope ze never knew ze could have. there's so much that can happen. we'll see when it does. in time.
- in the meantime the core NEEDS to stabilize. the jewels and jays are both alive but there are SEVERAL around at once because no one is locked into the main position. maybe the interim is doing that. we're all still shaken up and rebuilding. but there's a "waiting room" feeling to everything. a "loading screen" or something. the time period between christmas and new year's. a "not quite yet." existing in the pageturn before the next chapter begins. the kardifoni are still so unstable. but today is a step in the right direction for them too. and who knows what will happen. there may be a change no one can even imagine. like i said, no one knows. but i just want to conclude for today by saying, have faith. god is guiding us even now and we will get where we need to be, when we need to be there. our history proves this. we can't control it. all we can do is live in love and light and if we do that, it'll all work out. it always has. so don't give up. there's so much to live for, especially now.


(clean this up + add to this later if needed. otherwise let it stand as-is. it doesn't need to be polished to be true & valid as an entry)



prismaticbleed: (angel)

When I am farthest away from everything else, I am nearest to God. When I feel abandoned and rejected by my family, and have no friends to turn to; when finances crash and my health fails and I see no way out; when facing my past is terrifying and facing my future reveals a void; when my own stupidity and weakness and sinfulness crushes me to near despairing… God is close to me. When I am hollowed out with grief, He fills me with His loving Presence. No matter what I suffer and lose on earth, God is my inheritance forever. He will never leave or betray me. He holds both my past and my future in His caring hands. When my heart is broken to pieces, then He can touch it most gently, putting it back together as precious art, with the gold of faith. When I crack under stress, His Light pours in through the shattered places, beams of hope through the darkness. When I weep, He promises me joy in Him, but He also gives me a bittersweet and beautiful joy in my tears, for He always, weeps with me. He never downplays my grief, or laughs it off, or says its no big deal. He cares, deeply and completely, to the point of feeling everything I feel. How else could He understand so sincerely? How else could He heal so thoroughly? How else could He love so totally? He heals my hurts but He shares them first. He bleeds with me. He carries my scars. He knows my suffering, and through it, He points me to the Cross– the sacred place where I am nearest to Him, where I am delivered from all discouragement, where my wrecked and weeping earthly body dies with Him… to be reborn new and joyous and free with Him, with the promise of eternal life… of eternal Love. My broken heart is a doorway inviting me to participate in Christ’s suffering just as He participates in mine– to come into His Passion where I will learn compassion, mirroring His own pierced Heart on the Cross, pouring out mercy and empathy for all the aching hearts who seek refuge in His. Let my pain, too, then, bring me to Him. Let it all be blessed. Let me throw my arms around this Cross on which we both hang in hope between heaven and earth. The Lord is close, closest to me then.

(Reflection on Psalm 34:18)

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When you are struggling with addiction relapses, do not despair, beloved! Although such setbacks are crushing, they are not fatal, if you hold courageously to hope in God’s power to save. He will fight for you.

It might take time. I know; I have been there in the pit too. But keep praying. Keep trusting God’s timing and care, that He WILL vanquish the addiction at the proper time. Until then, keep your heart and mind grounded in hope. Prepare for His victory. It will come.

You have fallen, yes, but Christ fell under the Cross too. He understands; He knows exactly how it feels, and how to help you stand again.

Addiction is illness; it is not truth. You are not, and cannot, be defined by it. God will restore you; it is inevitable. He is the Divine Physician. Your wounded soul will be healed. Just keep asking Him. Persistence shows dogged faith, and such faith is powerful. It brings miracles from His Hand.


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Spiritual warfare becomes brutal on holy days; the devil refuses to give God any allowance. As holiness increases, so does suffering. Remember this! Be vigilant and watchful in prayer, fasting, and almsgiving-- this Lent and always. Your only preparation for such demonic ambushes is closeness with God, an intimacy which you cannot achieve if you are instead wrapped up in the world. So pray always. Be humble, mortify the passions, and do works of mercy, however small but sincere. You will still be attacked. Christ was, too. Satan will war against God's children until the end of the age; we must never seek to be excluded from that paradoxical honor of suffering for Christ. But we must also never try to fight without Him.

On those holy days, when trials and temptations increase, cry out to God! Run to Him and pray for His merciful grace-- for the armor of God! He will give it to you. He will dress you in it. Then fight with prayer, humility, and courage, trusting only in God, Who alone can deliver. Even if you stumble, God will catch you, and help you up. You may still bleed, and weep, and struggle bravely, but you will not be destroyed, for You belong to Him and He will save you.

Maybe you won't grasp just how much God has saved you from until the "war is over," and He calls you home. But He does give grace, in every battle until then, if you pray for it & open your heart to receive it. He will come to you and help you.

Resist the devil, and he will flee from you-- not because of your resistance, for he could crush you in a moment-- but because now he sees Christ the Conqueror-- your victorious King-- standing beside his trusting child, and all hell is utterly powerless before Him.


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petitefleuriste:

Thank You Lord, for not answering any of my ignorant prayers.

He does answer them, though.

Not a single prayer goes unheard or unanswered. God does not snub us, even in our ignorance. He loves us enough to always respond with compassion.

He says “No, my beloved child, I cannot give you that. You do not understand what you are asking. But I do. You beg for stones that sparkle but do not satisfy. Instead, I will give you bread. I will give you what is far better, far sweeter, far more beautiful than anything you are even able to ask for right now. Trust Me in this refusal. It is a redirection. I will give you exactly what your yearning soul needs.”


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Sigrid Blomberg, The Annunciation, 1899

This is gorgeous.

I adore the position of her hands-- she is essentially exposing her heart to God. She has "removed the veil" for the Lord to enter her inmost sanctuary, and for Her to also enter into such intimacy with Him; God's Presence shall now dwell in Her as His Tabernacle, and take on His own "veil" of humanity there (Hebrews 10:20). Long before the Crucifixion occurred in time, the Body of Christ-- the "veil" through which we enter God's Presence-- opened that sacred door to and through Mary, His Mother, from whom His very Body and Blood would be born. She is the "Portal of the Sky"; the first gateway from heaven to earth.

And her face... what total trust, what peace, what ecstasy, what love for God! This is the moment she says 'YES' to the divine Incarnation, the moment that changed human history forever. There is something utterly timeless in her expression; something eternal in that serene bliss. That, too, is a glimpse of Heaven.

Her left foot is uncovered. I think of Exodus 3:5 and Isaiah 52:7-- where she kneels is holy ground, she who is to there become the Bringer of the Good News. It may also be a play on words... she has "bared her soul/sole" before God. Lastly, if I may be so symbolic... In Hebraic thought, the right represents the spiritual and the left represents the physical. In my thoughts here, for her left foot to be uncovered-- even unveiled-- speaks of humility and humanity, of what is spiritual becoming physical; of God Himself gaining feet so as to walk with us, to become so shockingly human. God Himself will trod the earth, will be the Good News, will take on our dust without becoming it-- will turn that dust to gold. And Mary's foot is there, pure and naked, crushing the serpent's head forever.

I have a lot of feelings about this artwork; it truly touches my heart. God bless the sculptor; may her soul rest in peace.

Mary, Mother of Christ, Handmaiden of God, pray for us your children, those your Son was born to save. We love you.


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lauramakabresku:

Shelter

There are not only sparrows at His feet, but also a woodpecker, and both are tenderly touching His Wounded Feet with their tiny beaks. How they worship in their own small ways! How profound and pure is that worship! The bird that eats from holes it bores into trees, now finds food everlasting in the nail-holes from the Tree of the Cross. The bird that is deemed the least of all, offered as a poor man’s sacrifice, finds an understanding Heart through proof of Blood spilled to redeem the most impoverished and despised souls.

The Lamb embraces a lamb, innocent and unblemished, despite the single red stain on its hip joint– the sciatic nerve, which allows the body to stand upright; the place touched by an angel, a touch that both wounds the body and heals the soul. There, this little lamb is a testament to both the weakness of creation and the power of God– blessed by a curse, purified by what was thought to be impure, given life through death, and triumph through defeat. It carries blemish to the eyes of man but in the eyes of God it is faultless. So is the Lamb. And so are we, if, although we wrestle sorely with His Cross we refuse to let go, for God alone is victorious, and in surrendering to His glory in our defeat we are given a new name, a new purpose, a new life, yet carrying the scars as He did. Grace is given, not won, and it is only when we are humbled by the Lord that He can lift us up in truth. We are blessed with Blood, clothed in spotless white, yet always holding that salvific red, the holy humiliation that kills all perfect pride.

Christ holds us all in His caring embrace, and yet those very Hands and Feet speak of the suffering He endured through the same motive. It was for Love that He died; it was through Love that He rose again. His wounds sing of that Love always, and invite us into His very self– the Source of all Sweetness, the Tree of Eternal Life, the One Who kisses the fragile head of every sparrow. When they fall, He picks them up tenderly; when they die, He weeps. So He does with us. What holy pain unbearable, to see our sinful agony! How much more would He tend for our broken bodies if He so loves the sparrows– indeed, He was moved to destroy death itself. Thus it was that Christ died in our place… He let Himself be pierced through, falling to the ground, so that by the power of His healing grace, every tiny soul can fly again.

In His Wounds, the weary soul finds perfect rest. In His Heart, all find a home.

The animals recognize the Love in His Wounds and they adore. Through the Holy Spirit, the tiny bird singing in our hearts even now, let us do the same.



Don't leave me alone, a fugitive. I want your hands
To carry my heart. I long for the bread of your voice,
I long for everything. I long for myself... I long for you.


Mahmoud Darwish, Give Birth to Me Again That I May Know (tr. Abdullah al-Udhari)
 

 
 

Praying love poems to Jesus...

I think I've prayed the exact soul of this poem so many times, especially when my packed schedule keeps me from attending Mass, or when I am slumped against a doorframe at 3am.

Don't abandon me to this isolating darkness. Carry my heart when it is so heavy with blood, saturated with tears. Let me recieve You-- let me hear Your Word, let me touch You, taste You, be with You.

I long for everything. I can only exist within You.

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Sometimes you really do need to get dreadfully lost in order to find what is of true meaning in life. The false "world" we are tangled in, the daily grind of man-made society-- out at sea, does it matter? No. Then what does? What persists, but what is untouched by man-- what exists despite human plans? Out in the waves, who are you? What speaks in your mind, your heart, your soul? That is the most important. Out there, it is just you, and God.

Matthew 14:25. Perhaps we're not the ones doing the finding. Perhaps we need to lose "everything" to be found by Everything.


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There is something about sunsets over the sea that pulls at my heart. They’re so different than my familiar mountain sunsets– brighter, clearer, wider somehow. They feel like the closing credits of a movie, full of joyful promise of the future unseen, but aching bittersweet with the fact of an ending. Perhaps its the water, the ocean infinite, reflecting the glowing sky into greater endless light. But it’s beautiful. It is the paradoxical comfort of feeling at home on the open waves– a sense of deep reassurance despite having nowhere to call your own… nowhere but the sea, the sky.

All those boats. All those little travels. And those cats, wanderers at heart. How lovely, how tender it all is.

I think about how Christ lived in a little fishing village, too. He watched these sunsets with joy untold– He, Who sang them into existence before any human drew breath.

I wonder if the sunsets remember that every evening.



Just step outdoors, see the light on the hills, the stars at night-- that's enough.

-Anaïs Nin, from “The diary of Anaïs Nin, vol. 3: 1939-1944”

 

 

The fragile and grandiose beauty of this… it makes me weep.

Just… it’s enough. Lift up your eyes, lift up your hope. Breathe it in. Whatever wound is tormenting your poor heart tonight, it can be soothed, it can be hummed to sleep by the loving stars, by the light, by the gentle and ancient hills.

God is there in it all, the soul knows. We feel the brush of His fingertips in the night breeze. It is enough. It is, forever, enough.

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Deep in our hearts we all were made for this blessed freedom-- for the open sky, the endless road, the rolling hills, the calling sea. All of our most beloved clichés exist because they speak to an intrinsic longing, a global truth, a sort of mutual human need for something greater than the daily grind. We know in our bones that the world spins on regardless of our little schemes, our businesses and finances and societies and cities. It's all temporary, unreal at best, serving a fleeting purpose then returning to conceptual dust. But the green of springtime endures. The blue of the heavens endures. And as long as the beat of our hearts endures as well, they will never stop reaching out to us, waiting for us to reach back, calling us home.

God knit all things together in love, in harmony, in beautiful cooperation. We are meant to live in Creation with every enthusiastic ounce of joy it elicits from our soul. We are meant to share in the absolute Divine bliss that shaped cosmos out of chaos and fashioned atoms into apple trees and alligators and Adam himself. We are meant to recognize and embrace and embody the Love that breathed us into individual being, and to give thanks with every breath, and to love every other blessed thing on earth in return. God is love, and in the end and in the beginning, that's all we ever really want, all we ever really look for in life, all we ever really need.

It is in that Love that we find our freedom, and we feel it with a heart-aching conviction every once in a blessed while, under the sky, with grass beneath bare feet.

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I just love people so much, honestly I do; every soul is infinitely precious and loved by God and really, you can't help but love every soul in gracious resonance with that.

Sitting in airports, heart bursting with affection for everyone who walks by, traversing that bittersweetly beautiful interspace between each personal story of here and there... driving home at night and getting indigo-hued glimpses into sweet simple life through lamplit windows... striking up tiny yet treasured conversations with passerby folks in grocery stores and doctors offices and churches, the temporalily shared lives of strangers intersecting for an unexpectedly intimate minute... all of this and so much more.

It's beautiful. People are beautiful. God loves us, loves them, loves you. Love people for God's sake. We're all priceless fragile things.

Our bodies are indeed temples of God. So remember that when you meet another soul. Everyday life is holy because of this. Love God through love of neighbor. Little moments comprise our lives. Make every one a prayer.



“The black sky was underpinned with long silver streaks that looked like scaffolding and depth on depth behind it were thousands of stars that all seemed to be moving very slowly as if they were about some vast construction work that involved the whole order of the universe and would take all time to complete. No one was paying any attention to the sky.”

Wise Blood Flannery O'Connor
 

 

This both breaks my heart and moves me to tears. Just… this is every moment of our lives, do you realize that? God is perpetually working and moving in His Creation and the sky is always a gorgeous construction of infinite delicate complexity and how often do we really pay attention to it? All of this holy grandeur and we don’t even notice. It’s a Divine Love song that’s always being sung and we don’t even hear it. It’s heartbreaking and yet, it’s such an unbearably beautiful truth– for when we do finally take notice, we are staggered by the thought: how long have I been ignorant of this? How much sky have I failed to pay attention to?

But it’s there nevertheless. No one is looking but it exists in magnificent mystery nevertheless. God is looking and singing and loving and that is enough. And there’s something profoundly hopeful about that: to know that our failures cannot damage or diminish that glory in the slightest. But at the same time, God waits for it to be noticed. He waits, with a similar sorrowful joy, for His creations to notice… and, by finally looking and listening, join in His eternal love song.


Every life leaves an impression. We are God’s fingerprints.

-Noah benShea

 

Thinking deeply about this. “Christ has no body now but yours, no hands but yours…” God continues to tangibly touch our lives through other lives. We’re all His children; we all exist because of Him, for Him, through Him. So when we touch another life, God inevitably touches them through us, however faintly. But are you letting His fingerprints be felt? Or are your own hands too dirty? What impression are you leaving– the pure love of the Father, or the sin-stained fumbling of your own mortality? How much do your own hands get in the way of His? Reflect on this.

 

sunflorally: repeat after me: my body is not wrong, or ugly, or too thin, or too big, or too pale, or too dark. it is the vessel of a precious life and that is always more than enough.

 

The very words “my body” still feel ugly and sick and wrong. The very concept of “my” is still poisoned with a deeply hidden, lingering self-loathing, injected by the abusive nightmares that made the word “body” sound like a torture chamber. The two words together are still so terrifying they make my emotions shut right down, unable to cope with what would surface otherwise.

It shocks me that, despite all the healing I have done and am still actively doing, this ancient horror still hasn’t faded. The wound won’t close, let alone scab or scar. I know I still believe the trauma lies somewhere and until I don’t, I’ll keep bleeding. But it’s very hard. Nevertheless, I know it must be done.

…The other thing that struck me about this is the phrase, “a precious life.” Me? My life is precious? It sounds utterly impossible, incredible, ridiculous. I can’t take it seriously; the very concept is beyond respect. My life is not precious… except, I’m a Catholic. And if there’s one thing I find super hard to believe, it’s the FACT that Jesus Christ has declared my wretched stupid life to be so precious that He chose to DIE a bloody death in order to save it from destruction. That’s a FACT that I cannot dispute. I can only look at it in helpless sobbing confused frustrated wonder, my bitter self-hatred faltering in the shadow of the Cross. It’s the only place I can learn how to love. It’s the only place I can learn how to finally accept that my life is, bewilderingly, actually precious… that my cursed “body” is also something Christ wants to bless and save and heal… that the possibility of both those profound changes in mindset are not only possible but already achieved in Him.

Yes, I’m still mentally sick in a lot of ways. I will shamefully admit that. But Jesus came into this world to heal sick souls like me, and if I have faith in that truth with all my heart, then I have a hope that cannot fail. And I’ll hold on to that, and keep re-reading this little message, until I believe its simple but pure truth, too.


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"God will not numb your feelings or put you to sleep"-- how did I never realize that truth before?? When I am tempted by self-loathing to just give up and fall into that abyss, when I just want to rip my arms and legs and stomach wide open red, can I just... wait? Can I choose that terrifically difficult yet powerful virtue of faith instead? Can I choose hope? Can I choose patience, and gentleness, and longsuffering?

Can I rest in the knowledge that God is greater, that God is still Good, that He is forever victorious over every sin and struggle? Can I acknowledge that peace and rest in it? Can I surrender that totally? Can I beg for mercy from Mercy Himself instead of mercilessly attacking myself? Can I ignore the screaming rage of my head and instead sit in total silence before Him?

Yes, by His Grace, I can. And I must, or my poor soul will die.

Return to Christ. He will not abandon you. I need to remember that... I need to believe that. God is not like people. Jesus will not hurt me. Jesus will not suddenly decide that I'm not worth loving anymore. Jesus does not have a cold shoulder or a hard heart. Jesus loves me and forgives me and wants me to be healed and He is waiting for me. God is Love and that cannot change, no matter how evil I fear I am, no matter how badly I feel I deserve to die. God still wants to defeat those devils and bring me home.

Just wait for Him. Even if it takes time. God hears. God knows. God is working for you right now, and He is on His way. Wait for Him. He will be here, at the perfect time.

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That single duck is what hits me about this. It’s just living, just swimming in total innocent simplicity, beneath this absolute breathtaking grandeur of snow and trees and soaring mountains.

And then there’s that tiny home, nestled in the frozen pines, built by the hands of a human who was almost definitely deeply humbled at the sight of that same natural majesty.

We have been blessed with the intelligence to feel awe, to contemplate our smallness, to be struck to the heart by beauty such as this. The duck may be blessed to live effortlessly beside it, but it cannot appreciate it as we can, we who may only get to see it in photos, and who seek and treasure such glimpses with joy.

The world is beautiful. Always take the time to truly see it, and so sincerely thank God for both it, and your blessed eyes.


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Choose your own adventure, they say. Yet I never felt I had a choice, in the way the pathway of my life progressed. Little did I realize there is always a choice, even if the options are miserable, even if hope is minimal, even if the choosing itself is uninformed and rushed and afraid and instinctive. There’s still choice.

And, well, now that I am aware of this, then I choose this. I choose recovery, I choose healing, I choose joy and light and life and hope and love. Wherever I find it, wherever I can follow its sunlit footsteps, I shall do so. I will make those tiny choices and they will add up into a march of blazing beauty that will utterly overcome every shadow that haunted my past.

The terror may be ancient, but it is still just a shade. This too shall pass, no exceptions. Love is the only truth and if it’s not love then it’s going to melt into dust and be forgotten in the waves of compassionate bliss that the universe itself radiates with every heartbeat, on and on and on. I will step into that sea of hope, I will wade into the depths of tenderness, I will walk into the very ocean with a smile on my face and let it wash away everything that held me shackled far from shore.

God’s got me in His hands. He’s calling me home. Our Lady has crushed the snake beneath her heel and Our Lord has proclaimed Himself to be the Omega as well as the Alpha and no matter what came before, this is the turning of the page, this is the renewal of my soul, this is unconditional love and eternal hope proclaiming “It Is Finished” to the sins of the past, and all the trauma and horror they brought. God hung all of those on a tree and opened the garden gate to a new life that we could never have imagined before.

I choose that. I choose love. I choose the ending, and I embrace the beginning again. I choose to come home.



"Do we not try to find good, tangible security in observances, in the reassuring feeling that, thanks to our fidelity, everything is in order in our relationship with the Lord? And when Jesus asks us one day to count on him alone, without telling us in advance what he is going to ask of us, and without explaining to us where he wants us to go, we tremble." (A Carthusian)


This hits hard. To rely so completely on the faithfulness of Christ that you no longer need "tangible proofs" to believe in His trustworthiness... that is walking by faith, not by sight-- that is the true road of the Cross. But it's a step into darkness, and that frightens us-- at least, unless we remember that we are following the Light Himself.

God is never obligated to reveal His ways or plans to us. He owes us no clarification, no explanation. Humility accepts this. Humility makes us recognize our unworthiness to know such divine things, let alone demand them. God doesn't have to tell us anything. But He does. He does comfort and guide and reassure us; He knows our weakness and He soothes us, leads us with the utmost tenderness, His little children. But children grow. And the day will come when He will suddenly step back, tell us to do something, and leave it at that. No explanation. No preparation. No understanding on our part. Will we still trust in Him, then? Will we remember how trustworthy and faithful He has always been, going forwards now with no immediate or tangible reminder of it? Will we surrender to our love for Him and walk with blindfold on, with road shrouded in fog, with shadows setting in? Will we step forward in faith alone, believing with all our heart that Our Savior will never lead us astray? That He will never abandon us, even if the new journey is long and cold and lonely? Will we hold on to faith?

It will happen. It will frighten us, as humans, as children. Deep down, we are afraid of the unknown. We are scared of the dark. But remember, dear hearts, remember that He is trustworthy and He knows where and why you are going. You can count on Him. You can count on Jesus even when, and especially when, there is no one and nothing else to rely on.

Have faith. Even if it's only a mustard seed. Plant it in love, and wait. It will grow in God's time, even if you can't see or sense anything until suddenly... it sprouts. It dies in the dark, to live in the light. So shall you.

Have faith in God, Who is real and trustworthy. Have hope in His faithfulness when we can't see it yet. Have love for God, Who IS Love, Who loves you endlessly, and Who will strengthen you for all that He leads you to... and through.

Plant faith, and trust Him, and do whatever He tells you.

 

godmechanic:

actually a little embarrassing how well the “omg surprise psalm today!” thing works

Oh man I have wept at how relevant the Compline psalms are some nights. It’s unreal.

I have the Universalis app, which I love, as it allows me to play the audio for each hour, which is indispensable when I have severe brain fog and/or poor cognition and cannot read. I always listen to Lauds & the Office of Readings as I start my day schedule, and the “surprise” at what Psalms I will hear then (and in the other variant places in the Office) is both a source of deeply interested joy, and of unfailingly edifying application to my life. God just… knows, man. Even though millions of folks are praying the exact same words, they are specially & specifically significant to each soul. It’s wonderful, even when it’s convicting. God loves us in all circumstances.

It’s not embarrassing, love; it’s genuinely heartwarming to hear that you have such experiences with it too.


 

godmechanic:

we like to forget how hard psalm 42 hits. but i am just here to remind everybody that it hits

fellas is your soul is athirst for God? athirst for the living God? have your tears have been your meat day and night? do you wonder why your soul is so full of heaviness and disquieted within you? boy do i have a psalm for you

Psalm 42 legitimately saved my life a decade ago. It’s been burned into the fibers of my heart since then. It is a beautiful, aching Psalm, a raw and sincere prayer wrenched from the very core. I love it dearly and pray it frequently; it never fails to bring tears to my eyes.


To justify my neighbor’s suffering is a scandal. “My neighbor’s suffering is beyond justification; it is, in a word, meaningless.” Referring to Levinas, Batnitzky writes, “The Jewish tradition often maintains a difficult balancing act when it affirms both the theological and ethical value of suffering for others, while denying the necessity of suffering itself.” One cannot justify suffering. Thus an end to all theodicy, and “to all attempts, theological or otherwise, to justify suffering.”

Michael Purcell, “When God Hides His Face: The Inexperience of God”, The Experience of God: A Postmodern Response, ed. Kevin Hart and Barbara E. Wall
 

(Disclaimer: I am a Catholic, and so my reflection on this is within that context. I give all grateful respect to the Jewish perspective here, as it is the notable inspiration for my response.)

This hits me where it hurts. I’ve been raised to always justify suffering, which ultimately hardens one’s heart and makes one’s hands cold– if you believe that suffering is “deserved,” you smother compassion, and do nothing to relieve that suffering. Instead you say, “it builds character,” or “you’ll learn and grow from this,” or “well you must’ve brought this on yourself,” or just “offer it up,” without making a move to comfort them or care for them or remove the suffering altogether. Yes, suffering can teach, it can help us grow in virtue, it can have redemptive merit, but not inherently. Suffering in and of itself is just suffering. It’s the result of a fallen human nature and the inevitable consequences of sin=death, but sin is unnatural and suffering is therefore unnecessary. Yet it persists, in this life. Yes, this life is not all there is, but that shouldn’t cause complacency!! We can either sit there and shrug at people’s pain, or we can stand up and refuse to let it have its way. We can fight it. We should fight it. I say this because God fights it too.

God mandates compassion. God insists we care for our fellow man and relieve their suffering. As a Christian, I think of how Jesus healed so many who were ill, how he told parables of radical love, how He never said “you get what you deserve” to a suffering soul. No. Christ came to us as a healer, as a lover, as an instrument of mercy, Who literally died on a Cross that He could never deserve in order to destroy ALL human judgment of anyone “deserving” suffering like that. He took it all. Yes, all have sinned, and so suffering exists through sin, but God alone judges, and if I may be so bold, I say that HE deems suffering as absolutely unnecessary too. Sin is unnatural, remember? He didn’t create it! He doesn’t want it! He “takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked man” (Ezekiel 18:33 & 23:11)! He wants us to have life, abundant life, in direct opposition to sin’s destructiveness (John 10:10). So Christ took every “deserved” pain onto Himself and now we must act on that grace of mercy. No one has to die or be destroyed. No one “deserves to die.” He sure didn’t. But He did die, taking the place of everyone who was ever judged as deserving it, so now we can never speak those words about anyone.

Take up your cross, yes, because suffering is inevitable in this life, but carry it knowing that through uniting it to Christ’s love, it now holds the weight of the sins of the world. When we bear our own crosses, we don’t abandon others to theirs! We’re not in this alone; Christ didn’t carry His “own” in the first place! He carried ours, so now we carry everyone’s crosses together. We are Simon and Veronica and Magdalene and Mary and Christ to each other. We live in hope of eternal life, where all pain ceases, and so until then, we reflect that hope to others as often as we can– we must manifest it. How can you hope for what you cannot comprehend? How can you yearn for relief if you don’t know it’s a possibility? We must give that hope and sustain it. We must make hope real, through real love, and real faith. Only then is suffering bearable– only then does our awareness of its meaninglessness become a strange sort of joy. Yes, it’s unnecessary. But therefore, it’s not forever, and until then, there are people acting as angels to make that truth absolutely tangible.

I hope this makes sense; it’s hard to put into proper words. But it struck me to the heart, that quote, especially as my life is saturated with suffering right now and my old ugly instinct is to just say “it’s deserved; let it be”. No. That is not God’s way. God hears the cry of the poor and lame and sick and sorrowful and hungry and frightened and lost, and when God hears HE ACTS. That is how we must live, or we are not His children. That is what we must do, or we are not disciples of Christ. We must bind up the broken, bandage the wounded, wipe away the blood and sweat and tears and spit and everything else. Compassionate works must be our only response to suffering. I don’t care what they’ve done. That’s not my concern. My job is to love.

Suffering is unnecessary, because we’ve been commanded to heal it.



"We will recognize that, whether we like it or not, what happens happens; to be upset about it is useless, and moreover deprives us of the crown of patience and shows us to be in revolt against the will of God."
- Saint Peter of Damaskos

This is a powerful truth. If we do not perpetually pray, "Thy Will be done," we will instead seek our own will, which is stunted by ignorance and corrupted by passions. Resistance to our God-given circumstances, because they don't match our plans or hopes or wants or dreams or expectations, is at its deepest root a rebellion-- however small, it is still ultimately fatal-- against God's authority and wisdom. Patience is a fruit of love, and love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. When we love God, we have the courage to say, "May it be done to me according to Your word," and whatever "it" is, we embrace it as coming from His heart out of love for us. To reject that ultimate divine motivation is to blind ourselves to the blessings He constantly showers upon us, especially in the paradox of the Cross: "The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God." (1 Corinthians 4:18) It is only through Christ's loving obedience in submitting patiently to the Cross that He was able to win our salvation; we must follow Him in that exact respect to obtain that new and eternal life. Such radical surrender to God's will in all circumstances-- that absolute relinquishment of control and even understanding-- is madness to those who live for this world alone. They have no hope of eternal joy with God, and therefore no reason to patiently endure suffering, let alone choose it for the sake of Christ. But we do, whether we "like it or not", because we're not motivated by "like", only love. And love counts it all as joy.

Some further illustrations from Scripture:

"We must not put Christ to the test... nor grumble, as some of them did and were destroyed by the Destroyer... No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:9-10, 13)

"...We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5)

"The mind of the flesh is death, but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind of the flesh is hostile to God: It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the flesh cannot please God." (Romans 8:6-8)

"I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead... [but] many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven." (Philippians 3:10-11, 18-20)

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." (James 4:7-8)

"...You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”" (James 4:14-15)

"And He said to all, “If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." (Luke 9:23-24)

"For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of Him who sent me." (John 6:38)

"Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God... The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. " (1 Peter 4:1-3, 7)

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. " (Romans 8:28)

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit." (1 Corinthians 5:16-19)

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing... God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." (James 1:1-4, 12)

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A personal expositional summary of how this slammed into me:

“…God shouts to [you] in [your] pain [as] it insists on being [heard and] attended to. [This is because pain is sanctified in the life of a faithful Christian, playing a great purpose: every instance of your suffering] fits into a pattern for good, [as God is using it to confirm you to the image of] His Son. [Therefore, take courage and know that] nothing [painful] can come into your life without your Heavenly Father’s permission, [and when] God uses [your] circumstances, their source makes no difference to Him; [their instigator, be it human or spirit,] is irrelevant. [In every distressing circumstance, without exception,] God [says,] "I will make it fit into My Plan for your life, to make you like [my Son,] Jesus Christ.” [Remember that] God used the challenges, conflicts, and circumstances of life to prepare His Son for His destiny, [so since you are a disciple of His Son, He will] do the same in [your life, towards the same blessed end. If you remember this in your fear, then] instead of trying to escape your circumstances, [you can courageously] learn from them and [so] grow stronger [in faith by more closely imitating Christ].“

This is powerfully applicable to my own current circumstances. Thank you OP, and may God bless you. 🙏


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Honestly this is a vital reminder, especially for Lent. Repentance is repeatedly mandated by Christ, yes, but it is no heavy burden-- rather, it removes those weights from our hearts! The idea of being "ordered to do something objectively beneficial" may seem totally foreign to many of us Catholics, who are used to the negative "Thou Shalt Not's" that are probably haunting us during these 40 days. But repentance is wholly good for us. It, and those commandments it encompasses, only sound scary because they sharply bring to mind all the ways in which we've failed to avoid sin. But at their very core, they are meant to heal and help us.

Nevertheless, yes, it might absolutely be terrifying to examine one's conscience, just like preparing to clean out a coal cellar for the first time in years-- the amount of filth facing you may be overwhelming. But here's the thing... you don't have to clean it. You just have to point out that dirt to Jesus, specifically and honestly, and He will immediately and absolutely purify even the most rotten corners of your soul. For free. As often as you need.

Can you imagine, calling a plumber to drain your flooded basement and unclog the festering pipes, but not an hour after he leaves, you stuff them full of garbage again? And you call him back in a panic in the middle of the night? And he comes right over and fixes it all again? With a genuine smile? And doesn't charge anything? And this happens at least once a week, if not every day?

That's the staggering magnitude of forgiveness God offers to every repentant soul. That's the Sacrament of Confession!

We forget that we can repent whenever. Literally whenever, wherever, whoever you are, whatever you've done. Yet we are afraid to call the plumber even though we already did 458 times and not once has He ever complained or hung up. We are afraid He's going to lose His temper and charge us a fortune or leave us helpless with dammed-up pipes and sewage up to our waist... we're terrified of hearing "why??" or "how??" because our shame would choke and drown us more than all the black water in the world ever could.

But it has never happened, and it will never happen, so why don't you pick up the phone and give Him a call?


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Anonymous asked,
I always wonder why god made dinosaurs and if they had a relationship to god or if animals feel god’s presence.. what do you think?

iscariotapologist:

i think god probably made dinosaurs because they were sick as hell. actually though i’m not really aware of any dinosaur….theology? theology about dinosaurs? although i would CERTAINLY like to be. i do think there are relationships between god and animals, although they are necessarily going to be different than ours.
 


I always like to think about how the first two kinds of creatures God created in Genesis are birds & fish. Birds are the avian descendants of dinosaurs, and they are technically reptiles. Genesis’s “birds” could very well be referring to dinosaurs, in that roundabout respect. Plus, jawless fish were the first vertebrates to evolve, period. So the timeframe is accurate! (Mammals showed up a day later, haha.)

I was actually just thinking today about God’s relationship to animals. While they do not have a “living soul” like a human does (Gen 1:26; 2:7), they still have life and consciousness, which are from God. I believe that, by simple virtue of existence, every created thing yearns for God and can feel Him on some level. Only humans can know God, but I hope it’s theologically legitimate to say that nevertheless animals can still sense Him.

Scripture itself references animals “sensing God” notably in Ezekiel 38:20, implies it in Psalm 145:21, and of course we have Balaam’s dear donkey in Numbers 22. If we want to stretch the interpretation, we have even the donkeys that carried Jesus Himself in Matthew 21, and the one(s?) that carried the Holy Family to and from Bethlehem when they were fleeing Herod in Matthew 2… Noah’s dove, Elijah’s ravens, Jonah’s whale, Daniel’s lions… God works through animals a lot, so they must be spiritually receptive to Him, if they are so readily responsive to His influence. (God help us to be so obedient, too!)

Furthermore, there are so many common stories of both little children and animals apparently perceiving and reacting to ‘presences’ unseen by adults, potentially angels, for all we know– plus we must include all the Christian folktales of donkeys and lambs and even spiders at the Manger, all recognizing and adoring the Christ Child. Blessed Anne Catherine Emmerich even speaks of “gladness throughout all nature,” with the animals being “joyfully agitated” at both Christ’s birth and Mary’s birth. We have Saint Roche’s dog, Saint Columba’s horse, Saint Jerome’s lion, Saint Ciaran’s boar, Saint Francis’s wolf… and my arguable favorite, Saint Anthony’s mule. Just as animals fear those with malicious hearts, they respect and befriend those with loving hearts– and since God is love, I think there’s definitely something to that, in its utter simplicity. I don’t know what exactly they feel, but… they do. They know, in their own way.

I apologize for the huge response but this is a topic that’s actually quite dear to my heart, and I was moved to offer my thoughts on it, may they glorify God.

But yes, I daresay dinosaurs are objectively super cool. God has the best imagination, after all!

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lauramakabresku
:

Birds listening to God’s pulse

The heartbeat of God is music so beautiful, so rapturous, that even the very songbirds cannot help but hear its sweetness in silent awe.

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traumacatholic:

My favourite thing about the ‘Psalter and Rosary of the Virgin (from f. 27), in two versions, and other devotional texts, including a litany’ is that there’s just many pages dedicated to drops of blood. (x, x)

From the source:

“…The text begins with three pages, each painted black, on which large drops of blood trickle down. The third page has been thoroughly worn, which may be the result of kissing; part of it has been rubbed and smudged rather than merely kissed…”

That is the devotion that defines a Christian. Thanks be to God that this beautiful testament to such heartfelt adoration still exists for our edification. May the love proven through these prayerfully-kissed pages inflame our own hearts with ardor to do the same!

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When you are in pain, and frightened because you don't know what's wrong, remember that God knows what is wrong, and even if He currently withholds the answers you seek, He is with you in love. His timing and wisdom are still trustworthy. Rest in His knowledge, in solid hope, for He holds your entire situation in His caring hands. You are not lost or forgotten.

I pray that He does give you answers soon, and that until then, He comforts you in your pain, and alleviates as much of it as He wills. May He grant you deepest peace and healing! 🙏

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We all have needs that can only be met by God. That is such a key truth of life that is frequently forgotten.

And those needs aren’t strictly spiritual, either! My life crises as of late have proven to me, quite strikingly, that I have an awful amount of physical needs that I cannot meet on my own– only God can. I am helpless; He is all-powerful. I am foolish and frightened; He is Wisdom and Peace Himself. I am wracked by misery; He soothes me with mercy. I feel abandoned and alone… He loves me to all eternity. Deep down, those are my truest needs; GOD Himself is What I need to thrive. My survival needs will be met as He sees fit, if I trust Him to meet them– because, again, I cannot, and desperately trying to do so anyway will (and does) only make me more distraught and drive me to despair. However, prayerfully placing all my hopes in God, surrendering my life into His hands, and doing what I can without worrying about MY success but HIS… that gets me through. God’s Love never fails.

God knows I need this body to survive in order to serve Him here, and He will ensure that. He’s not ignorant; He “knows I am but dust.” But I am His dust, destined for redemption by the grace of Christ, and that truth is enough refuge for any new crisis. Even if I do die, it’s on His timing; and– have mercy on me a sinner– after the storms of life are over, I have an eternity in His arms to look forward to. Until then, I must live with my entire life geared towards that. “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God.” That’s what Jesus means. God will provide the needs of your journey to Him, but stay on the journey! The ultimate goal is of ultimate importance; no matter how short or difficult our journey is, it will end one day, and then it won’t matter how tough things were prior. So trust. Don’t worry. God’s got this; God’s got you.

If you are in need today, any need– poor health, emotional distress, financial fears, physical pain, future panic, anything– remember that you don’t have the ability to solve those massive problems and that is both okay and intentional. NO human can do so… because GOD CAN, and He loves us so much He wants you to ask Him for help. Like an adoring Father cares for His children, He must let us try & learn on our own in order to grow, but when we stumble and cry out, He is always there to pick us up and help us to do what we cannot do alone.

And maturing in spirit isn’t about learning to do those things alone. Spiritally, we are always going to be God’s children. We’re little! We’re weak and ignorant and helpless, like a baby is… but babies are meant to be helped and loved and cherished and if we– if only through failed struggles– admit that we are just children, God will care for us as such… otherwise we’re trying too hard to be “grown up” in ways we cannot force, and we push our Father away through proud striving and/or shame. Don’t do that. Ask Him for help. Be simple and pure of heart.

There are things we will always need God’s help for, and when you put that in the proper perspective it is an absolute joy. God is our greatest need, our ultimate goal, our Protector in every trial, and our Provider in every situation. Even when we suffer, it’s under His watchful and compassionate Eye– “a Father disciplines those He loves.” Doesn’t suffering give you a unique opportunity to cling closer than ever to Him? Doesn’t it give you “strength training” for patience, trust, hope, perseverance, courage, surrender, faith? Doesn’t it give you a testing-fire to prove the power of grace in you? Yes it is hard to be gentle, kind, joyful, temperate, meek, and even loving when we are in the throes of suffering, but it’s only hard because we’re focusing so much on the suffering, and not on God, Who gives us the grace TO embody those virtues of His! I can attest to this firsthand. Fix your focus on God. Trust in His Power to save, against all odds, despite all confusion, especially if you can’t see or imagine a way out. He can, and He will. Look at your life! Hasn’t He already brought you safely in soul to this very moment? He has never once failed you. He is utterly faithful, worthy of all our trust, and that will never change.

Today, place your trust in your Father anew. Go to Him with all your aches of heart, and put them into His open hands. Ask Him for help… then rest. Rest, dear child. God will take care of you. You will never, ever have to struggle alone. He will meet your daily needs when you cannot; He doesn’t expect or want you to try otherwise. God will provide for you and the sparrows both.

Just remember… in Him, your deepest needs are already fulfilled. And that is how we thrive.



Anonymous asked,
I just sent [you a donation]
-an atheist who doesn’t want anyone to suffer the way it sounds like you’re suffering

 

I must still say “God bless you,” in my honest gratitude for your sincere charity. The sentiment holds true, even though our beliefs differ– I hope the highest good for you, in return for your interest in mine… and I firmly believe that my God can, will, and does do that for any compassionate soul, whether or not they share my religion. You’re human; by virtue of that fact alone, you are included in that divine care.

More generally: thank you for your generous kindness. Humanity is truly illuminated by our capacity to love; in this little testament to it, you have lit up my life a little more. 🙏


I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity, 
Through a belief in the Threeness, 
Through confession of the Oneness 
Of the Creator of creation.

I arise today 
Through the strength of Christ's birth and His baptism, 
Through the strength of His crucifixion and His burial, 
Through the strength of His resurrection and His ascension, 
Through the strength of His descent for the judgment of doom.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of cherubim, 
In obedience of angels, 
In service of archangels, 
In the hope of resurrection to meet with reward, 
In the prayers of patriarchs, 
In preachings of the apostles, 
In faiths of confessors, 
In innocence of virgins, 
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven; 
Light of the sun, 
Splendor of fire, 
Speed of lightning, 
Swiftness of the wind, 
Depth of the sea, 
Stability of the earth, 
Firmness of the rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me; 
God's might to uphold me, 
God's wisdom to guide me, 
God's eye to look before me, 
God's ear to hear me, 
God's word to speak for me, 
God's hand to guard me, 
God's way to lie before me, 
God's shield to protect me, 
God's hosts to save me 
From snares of the devil, 
From temptations of vices, 
From every one who desires me ill, 
Afar and anear, 
Alone or in a mulitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and evil, 
Against every cruel merciless power that opposes my body and soul, 
Against incantations of false prophets, 
Against black laws of pagandom, 
Against false laws of heretics, 
Against craft of idolatry, 
Against spells of women and smiths and wizards, 
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul. 
Christ shield me today 
Against poison, against burning, 
Against drowning, against wounding, 
So that reward may come to me in abundance.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, 
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, 
Christ on my right, Christ on my left, 
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, 
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me, 
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me, 
Christ in the eye that sees me, 
Christ in the ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity, 
Through a belief in the Threeness, 
Through a confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation

St. Patrick (ca. 377)



 

 

This is forever my favorite prayer. It strikes me to the heart every time I speak it, and moves me to tears without fail.

Thank God for Saint Patrick. Thank God for his beautiful faith, and for his devotion in bringing that same faith to the people of Ireland. May he intercede for us today and always, that we too may all share in the heartfelt confession of the Oneness of the Creator of Creation, and so, through Him, be brought fully into the oneness of His Church, by the powerful grace and love of Jesus Christ, Who Is King of all nations forever. Amen. 💚🙏✝️☘
 

...However. I'm reblogging this particular instance of this beloved prayer, not only for the cleareformatting, but also because it lacks a period in the last stanza. That actually touches me deeply, even if it was an accidental omission.

That lack of a closing mark, immediately after the proclamation of the Trinity, speaks silent volumes of the infinitude of that very Creator, omnipresent and eternal, with no beginning or end. We are left with a blessedly "unfinished" prayer, refusing to conclude itself, standing forever open and thus overflowing into time beyond itself.

We confess our faith in the Creator of Creation, and though the words leave our lips, they remain in our souls. Their sound lingers in the air like music, an unresolved yet perfect chord, inviting our perpetual participation in this prayer, the secret purpose for which it was spoken in the first place.

This prayer is our breastplate, affixed to our heart always, repeated in every breath, realized in every circumstance. Christ is in all of it. He is present everywhere, always, never ending, enduring forever, and every atom of the universe confesses Him.

Don't "finish" this prayer. Let it continue through the rest of your life.



Nonetheless, Philothea, you must not rest satisfied with general desires and aspirations, but rather turn them into special resolutions for your individual correction and amendment. For instance, when you meditate upon the first of our Saviour's words from the Cross, you will assuredly feel a desire to imitate Him, to forgive and love your enemies. But that desire is worth little unless you proceed to some practical resolution, such as "I will no longer be angry at the irritating words which such a one says to me or of me; nor at the annoyance caused me by another; on the contrary, I will do and say all I can to soothe and them" - and so forth. In this way you will soon correct your faults, whereas mere desires will have but few and tardy results.

- St. Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life, Part 2: Counsels Concerning the Soul's Approach f God in Prayer and the Sacraments, Chapter 6: Third Part of Meditation - Affections and Resolutions

This is VERY edifying advice for Lent.

Desire alone will only produce dreams of possible results. Deciding on a specific goal-- something practical and achievable-- will guarantee results, with the grace of God helping you through prayer.

God wants you to be free of sin! He will assist you in doing so, but you must know and recognize where you are bound first, or your prayers will be vague and unfocused. Show Him a specific struggle you have with sin, determine your weakest spots, get a battle plan, and resolve to fight with Christian virtue!

Small steps of virtue are still significant steps. Our Lord could work miracles with but a word or a touch. You do not need to do grandiose acts for Lent in order to draw closer to Him. Resolve to let His Living Water wash away your iniquities, be it drop by drop... but direct those drops to hit your wounds. You will heal. God always gets results.

(Saint Francis de Sales words this perfectly succinctly, but my hearts was nevertheless moved to elaborate from personal experience, for I too desperately need this advice. All thanks be to God!)



"Today, I shall do an act of charity for a poor or suffering person, even if I have to go out of my way to do it."

This is a beautiful challenge of charity.

Let us all keep our eyes, ears, hearts, and hands open today-- and through all of Lent-- for opportunities to help those in need, whatever that need may be, whoever may need it. Let us pray for the grace & discernment to act in compassion when God leads us to such an opportunity, not out of moral obligation or self-righteousness, but out of tender mercy and genuine love for our fellow man. Let us act in charity because we cannot help but do so. May the love that Christ had-- and forever has-- for the poor & needy overflow from our hearts today and always!




Bartolomé Esteban Murillo, Man of Sorrows (detail), 17th century

You can see the sorrow in His face, here– in the downturned humility of His gaze, in the slight but notable curve of His eyebrows, in the dark lines below His eyes… in His quiet mouth, like a Lamb led to slaughter.

A single thorn draws a bead of brilliant Blood from His forehead. The wretched crown wreathes His hair like a halo.

By His Wounds, we have been healed– but oh, so too by His sorrows, we have been comforted! What blessed, tragic paradox! What agonies our Lord endured for our sake!

God became a man, a man of sorrows, so that we, in our own miseries, would never suffer alone. We would, forever, have an Advocate of empathy, a Lord Who had bled and wept and feared just like us. Christ knows our pain.

Let your aching heart take refuge in Him.

 

akosuaa: I don’t want to be lukewarm loved

 slain-in-the-spirit: Imagine how God feels.

thatetherealgirl: This hit me.

363ci: Revelation 3:16 = So because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Yea this hits right now too.

 

Lukewarm “love” isn’t worthy of the name, when the heart of Love Himself is on fire.

God’s heart burns with love for us. When that hits us, it cannot help but spark a similar flame in our own hearts, however small it may start.

Feed that flame of love! Do not let it fizzle out or fade! Work it into a blazing ardor through acts of devotion and prayer. Start small, for your fire is yet a candle-light, but it will increase with every ounce of charity-fuel you put into it. Prayer gives you that fuel through grace. Without it, we’re helpless– we have no means to kindle a divine spark ourselves! But if God gives it, He will protect it. Pray for this!

During these 40 days of Lent, a spiritual desert whose nights bring terrible coldness & dark, set your eyes firmly on the heart of Christ, aflame with love for you– for you!!– and let that burning truth fill your own heart with zeal, pressing on towards the Cross, where that divine Love was proved… and is proven still.

Your cross, too, proves the heat of your love for God. Carry it! It us bringing you to Him!

 


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Catholicism is inherently “weird & creepy” with “crazy ideas” according to the world; yes, we may affectionately and humorously use those terms for ourselves, but in truth we must also realize the bitter judgment behind them externally. It pains my heart to hear such comments because it implies the commenter only sees those qualities in our faith, not the beauty & mercy & love. We must pray sincerely for those people; their hearts are closed through misunderstanding, fear, or hatred, and Christ longs for their hearts to soften, repent, and return home to Him too.

Nevertheless, I am humbly grateful to be weird, creepy, & crazy, if that is how my relationship with Christ and His Church is perceived by the yet-unfaithful. It is a small yet significant joy & honor to see so many of us proclaiming the same.



“Yet even now,” declares the LORD, “return to Me with all your heart, with fasting, weeping, and mourning.”
Joel 2:12 BSB

To "break down the barriers separating your heart from God"-- to truly rend your heart-- you must first identify those barriers, those places so hardened and stiff they must be rent asunder lest you perish. It's tragically easy to find those spots-- whenever you feel resistance to His presence & input in a situation, whenever you feel unwilling or unable to pray, whenever you cannot hear His Voice or even remember what it sounds like-- all these frightening instances are barriers between your heart and His. They need to be removed-- destroyed completely, reduced to dust & ashes, beyond rebuilding-- but we have no strength to do that alone! All we can do is beg for help; all we can do is seek Him out, with feeble fervor if we must, but seek Him we must. When you cannot "pray," you can still cry to Him without words. When you cannot hear, you can still read Scripture. And when you feel that awful resistance, that is your greatest opportunity-- you can then show God EXACTLY where that obstacle is, and with hopeful trust, plead Him to remove it by His merciful grace. Then you must let Him work. You need only stand with Him and watch Him.

Over and over, moment to moment, breath by breath, you must constantly refocus on God. You must let Him into your broken heart, so He can remake it in His liking. The demolition is a rebirth. We fast from the world to feed upon Him. We weep for our sins to be grateful for His mercy. We mourn for Him Who died for us, because of us, so that we may feel the joy of the salvation His Blood bought for us.

When you let Him remove the chains shackling your soul to the secular world, you become free to embrace Him. Even if your wrists are bloodied and bruised, His pains to free you were greater, and you can take comfort in knowing that no amount of damage your soul or body may bear will ever deter Him from pulling you close. He is the Divine Physician; when He sees your wounds, He will kiss them to healing. Thus you must admit you have them, uncover them, offer them up to the divine scalpel and sutures if need be. Yes, the process is painful, but it is essential for life. Pain does not mean death, not if it is acted upon; it is only an alert that something needs to be rectified... and as you progress in penance, you shall find that what was once seen as suffering to the flesh is now sweet to your soul.

The call to penance is not a call to separation. In the very midst of our mortification, we are drawing closer to Christ. We are returning to the One Who loves us. We are coming home.

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HAPPY FORGIVENESS SUNDAY!

I’m not Orthodox, but the entire concept & celebration of Forgiveness Sunday is both deeply humbling and deeply beautiful.

Ask for forgiveness from God, ask for forgiveness from your neighbor– and then offer forgiveness to your neighbor in return, as we have received forgiveness from God.

Lent is all about forgiveness, mercy, & repentance. It’s a time to grow closer to God and act more like Christ, by loving & serving God and His people, and turning away from all sin, which harms those relationships.

Let us all look forward in hope to this time of penitence, for it is a time of restoration, and at the end of this desert road– by the way of the Cross– new life awaits us; life in the Lord!

Happy Forgiveness Sunday indeed! 🙏❤

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This statement is not wrong, but it is not completely right, either. It is a basic observation from a genuinely religious people, who are simply unaware of the transcendent nature of that other religion's building.

Let me begin by correctly affirming the implication here of divinity within nature:

"The entire material universe speaks of God’s love, His boundless affection for us. Soil, water, mountains: everything is, as it were, a caress of God... God has written a precious book, “whose letters are the multitude of created things present in the universe,” [and] no creature is excluded from this manifestation of God." (Pope Francis)

God absolutely speaks to all people through nature; the created world is our most direct and immediately universal revelation of the beauty of the Creator. "Natural religion" is called that for a reason; it is an instinctive response to the divinity we see reflected in the blessed earth around us. Some cultures stop there, and worship nature itself-- not realizing that nature is our sister, not our mother (as Saint Francis beautifully penned). Some cultures do imagine "gods" in control of nature, but they are not creators, not of the very hearts of things; nor do they satisfy the even deeper human desire for something greater-- something we can know and touch, here, to tell us vividly of God, of the Heart of beauty itself.

Honestly? I say we still miss the Garden. We still dream of Paradise, after being cast out from it. Our "wanting more" was misplaced, as we already had everything... everything except loss. So we lost everything, and now we ache to return, not because it was lovely, but because of why it was lovely... because of Who created it and us.

That is the deeper point. For the Christian-- and especially Catholic-- soul, there is a recognition and explanation of the innately longed-for depth beyond the surface sparkle:

"When we immerse ourselves in the beauty of nature and be attentive to what is going on in our soul, we find that we have a longing for even greater beauty. No one ever said, “That sunset was all I ever wanted to see.” We always want one that’s a little brighter, a little longer, a little more picturesque. The beauty in nature awakens in us the desire for Infinite Beauty, Jesus Christ Himself." (Christian Williams)

And THAT is where the "building" comes in. It is not 'necessary' for worship, or for prayer, or for talking and listening to God. Nature is, indeed, a wonderful place for all those things. But nature has not been specifically instituted by God as a memorial of His Saving Sacrifice, as a specific and sacred spot of spacetime where He can still be with us physically. God is there in nature, yes, but not literally so. You can only touch God through the hands of a priest, and such a staggering miracle both deserves and demands a particular place to occur, something "set apart" from even the beauty of the natural world, which-- although inherently good-- can easily get tangled up in pagan pantheism, and whose greatest beauty pales spectacularly in the Presence of Christ.

We go inside a building to talk to God because He is literally there. We built Him a house we can visit Him in, like a friend, like a lover-- a place uniquely His own, built by His family on earth, something tenderly human and beloved even in its flaws. A church is not a sunset, but oh, once you have met the Lord there, you would gladly give up ever seeing another sunset, if it meant you could stay with Him instead, and taste Heaven on earth.

You will never have to hunger for Paradise again.

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‘Eve After the Fall’. Auguste Rodin. 1886.

This is terribly powerful in its simplicity.

Consider: this is the first woman. The very first! She was created pure, joyful, as simple and guileless as a child. She had no shame, no guilt, no fear. She walked with God in Paradise, and the very concept of suffering– of sin & evil– was alien to her.

However… yes, she was pure, but she was not perfect. She was still fallible– she had free will, and the possibility of choosing wrongly was an inherent risk of that liberty.

Satan knew this.

One day, as Eve was admiring the one tree she was forbidden to eat from, a strange serpent slithered into her sight and hissed the first human temptation– mistrust in God.

“Did God really say that…?”

Eve’s faith was not perfect. Some key part of her heart was not fixed on her Lord. She doubted, she desired, she took the fruit that was not hers to take… and suddenly, she knew.

She knew she had sinned.

And look at her now! Look, at this first woman, this poor young child of God, once a stranger to death but now she has tasted it firsthand. Look at what that knowledge has done to her. Her legs are crossed in shameful self-awareness, one foot held back and hesitant, betraying her new inner instability. She has one arm wrapped tightly around her chest in a gesture of unquestionable distress, hiding not only her breasts but also her heart: two parts of her body once innocent, now tainted by the suggestions of sin. Her other arm speaks volumes. It is crossed over the other, closing her body language totally, but the hand is raised– feebly, not to shield from a blow but to deter all contact, all comfort. Don’t look at me, it says. Don’t touch me. Her guilt is too great. She turns her head away, but does not bury it completely; she has not fallen entirely into self-pity. Perhaps she is holding on to hope, to the only light she has left within reach– “her offspring will attack the serpent’s head.” Somewhere in the future, her now-miserable body will once again cooperate with God’s will, and then– oh, so soon, she prays– evil will be crushed. Perhaps then she could return to Paradise, to her Lord, and leave behind this terrible curse.

Until then, here she stands… fallen, but not forgotten.


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I apologize for not posting anything specifically about Lent. I know it's tomorrow. I've been thinking about it constantly. But I've also been very sick, in and out of the ER, and that suffering is eating up my focus as well. I feel like a wreck of a Christian, struggling so much just with everyday living. I don't know what else I can give up, other than my fears and anxieties, so that is my goal. I will pray more, and panic less, and be merciful to myself and others, and hold tightly to my hope in God, and a life with Him after this. Lent means so much to me. I am grateful it is here, even if I am weaker and more pitiful spiritually than ever. God have mercy on me during this penitential season. I pray that this time heals my poor soul.

May Our Lord bless you all this Lent. May your devotion bring you ever closer to the Heart of Christ.

 


prismaticbleed: (angel)

godmechanic:

whats everybody’s favorite religious art trope. mine is the annunciation hands down

 

HEARTS (esp. starkly exposed and/or glowing), powerfully expressed emotions, Christ’s Passion & wounds, unusual art styles (esp. vaporwave/ “web art” edits), art that is more “symbol” than scene, halos in unusual colors & designs, colorful angel wings, SERAPHIM, those little childlike angels that appear in paintings to ‘comment on’ the scene, those other angels that appear to specifically comfort Christ (AND catch the Blood of Christ in chalices), the Hand of God, and the Eucharist represented as kissing Jesus.

Some examples!

I love the absolute vulnerability in this i am legit IN LOVE with this image of Christ one of the most beautiful paintings I've ever seen
POLISH VAPORWAVE JESUS a beautiful depiction of the visitation this image makes me WEEP. it is TERRIFYING in its honesty.
the CRYING ANGELS!! i love the red/blue color contrast here the hand of God!!!
THIS. THIS IS WHAT FAITH IS ABOUT.

Basically, if it breaks my heart open to God in some way, I love it.

prismaticbleed: (angel)



Devotion to the side wound of Christ, touchingly evidenced in my local Basilica.

(When I saw this I WEPT.)

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Nothing is unexpected to God; He knows and guides all things.
I cannot control anything, but God is in control of the universe itself.
Do not be anxious! Trust Him! Pray when you are worried; do not despair. He will bring all things to a perfect end according to His Good Will... and nothing can stop or hinder His purposes.

Take profound comfort in that.



Lord, I trust You. Forgive my worrying and obsessing. I surrender everything into Your loving, wise, and prudent care. Lead me in Your grace to seek only You, and desire only You. Amen.



"If I say hard things, it is not because I do not love you. I write as I do, because I desire your salvation. He is your best friend who tells you the most truth. Truth must be spoken, however condemning it might be."
-J.C. Ryle


Remember this-- true love, and a true friend, will always tell you the truth, or they themselves cannot be considered true. Truth does not lie, or hide, or omit, or alter, or pander, or hate, or disparage. Since truth is of God, and God is love, the two are inherently interconnected.
Yes, the truth may be condemning, but then you are in a position to recieve mercy, and to change your now terribly aware heart, which has been so brought into the light-- the light of Truth, which cannot help but illuminate all it touches.
Speak the truth, always-- but remember, if not spoken with love, even basic facts are tainted. True honesty is pure and clear, and seeks only to accomplish what is equally so.
Look at the Gospels. Christ, the Truth Himself, spoke truly to all-- but it was indeed a condemning truth to many! Yet it was always spoken with love, love for those misguided and lost souls, love that shone its light on them to lead the way back home. Christ, Who is God, desires that all men be saved... yet, if they reject the truth, they cannot be, of their own choice.
In today's culture, it is difficult to speak the truth without facing great opposition, even hostility. Do not fear. Truth must be spoken, for the sake of truth-- for the sake of love; the sake of God.

 




 

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi (2008) dir. Aditya Chopra
This is so pure and sweet; it gives me real joy to see such dialogue in a film.
This is marriage, as God intended it-- this unexpected yet beautiful falling in love with one another, over and over again. After all, every day, you learn more about their heart and mind and soul, you become more familiar with their words and moods and actions… every day, there is something new to deepen and enrich your love. That is marriage. Yes, even with the tough times and rough edges, that is marriage, that is love, outlasting and seeing beyond it all– because those difficulties are not inherent, they are not permanent; what lasts is eternal and inviolable– your hearts and souls, your love, your marriage covenant. And that is how God loves each and every one of us, too. You are called to be a sacred, living icon of that divine ardor to the world. Rejoice in that. Fireworks!


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When you cannot sleep from sickness, and keep having nightmares... remember that God knows every sparrow’s fall– He holds You in His hands despite all nightmares that shake you, despite all sickness that torments you. God cares for you, most deeply and truly, especially in your illness– and right now, you share, however briefly and minutely, in the Cross of Christ. There is hidden blessing in this; embrace it with prayer, give Him your pain and fear and distress. He carries it with you. It will not last forever, take heart. There is sweet mercy even now. With Christ, there is a resurrection after every cross.

I say a prayer every night in the form if an old hymn, as I find it deeply beautiful, and it goes like this:

“Before the fading of light, we pray you, O Creator of the universe, with your accustomed mercy, to be [our] protector and guardian.
May our hearts dream of you; may they perceive you in sleep. And, with the approach of light, may they always celebrate your glory.
Grant us a wholesome life; restore our ardour. May your brilliance light up the over-powering darkness of the night.
Grant this, Almighty Father, through the Lord Jesus Christ, Who reigns with you for ever with the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

I hope you find some comfort in it, too. 🙏❤













prismaticbleed: (angel)



tomicscomics: Even the most disgusting creatures can find life in Jesus.

 

It’s oddly reassuring to think that, even if Jesus were to swat me like the disgusting & annoying bug I often feel like, that seemingly fatal blow would only bring me back to an even fuller life. I should really ponder that; it’s a succinct summary of my sinful struggles and His unexpected victories despite them all.

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A notable point people tend to miss, myself included: even the “scary” parts of the Bible can and will calm you if you read them with faith. The awestruck fear of the Lord that rightfully accompanies our recognition of His Power & Righteousness is actually a foundation of true peace. When you know and trust that God is all-Holy & all-Good, then even His most staggering judgments become reassurances that He is in total, unstoppable, glorious control… of everything. That’s the most calming fact in the universe, even if it does make your knees shake! Remembering that I serve God, Who will and does destroy & punish evil, does frighten me as a sinner. But it also gives me infinite joy in the equal remembrance that I also serve that same God in Christ, Who came to save sinners like me from that righteous destruction. God wants to eliminate evil, not those who foolishly commit it! Ezekiel 18:20-32 illustrates this powerfully. Go read that; it will both convict and comfort you! Yes, everything of God is soothing to the soul that loves and trusts Him, for that soul knows beyond a doubt that God is Always Good.


“How beautiful to find a heart that loves you, without asking you for anything but to be okay.”

— Khalil Gibran

image

“Okay” here being held to its perfect wholeness, which is health & happiness in their fullest, which is holiness.

God loves you unconditionally. But because He loves you, He wants you to be holy– He wants you to be able to live the true Life, in and through and with Him! That’s all. God demands only Love and its effects: only righteousness, only humility, only kindness and mercy and joy and peace. God demands holiness. But he only demands it because the alternative is suffering and death. How, therefore, could He not demand holiness? To be lukewarm or neutral in the face of such a fatal crisis would not be love at all!

Yet, paradoxically, this demand is not selfish, or cruel, or impossible to fulfill, as human demands are. God’s demands are perfectly in line with His Nature: they uphold the very core of Creation, which is pure Love.

God loves us, yes. God wants us to be okay, yes. But His love and desire is so much richer than just a ‘want’; I would go as far as to say, God needs us to be “okay.” He loves us so much that He needs to see us holy and thriving and in love with Him, too. And when love is so gorgeously mutual, then nothing is a “demand”… everything is devoted service and ardent compassion. Nothing is asked or given without the utmost tenderness and gratitude.

That’s what God wants for us. You don’t have to imagine it– it’s true! How beautiful that is!




The Fifth and last Sunday of Great Lent is dedicated to our Venerable Mother Mary of Egypt. It is the start of the last week of Great Lent.

This Sunday has three key themes:
* First, no amount of past sin and wickedness can keep a truly repentant person from God.
* Second, Christ himself has come to call sinners to repentance and to save them from their sins (Luke 5:32).
* Third, in Saint Mary we see that it is never too late in life, or in Lent, to repent.

Christ will gladly receive all who come to him with sincere repentance, even at the eleventh hour. May she intercede for us always +

 

I love her. She’s one of my most beloved patron Saints, right up there with Saint Dismas.

The three lessons of this Sunday have me weeping for awful gratitude. I, like this repentant Mother, have a miserably sinful past, one I can scarcely bear to look upon. But God knows. God knows, but He sees both those horrors and my contrite heart. Today He shows me my sister Saint as a sign of utmost hope. It is not too late for me, either. It is never too late for God.

Dear Saint Mary of Egypt, pray for us sinners! 🙏💔



"Let the crucifix be not only in my eyes and on my breast, but in my heart.O Jesus! Release all my affections and draw them upwards. Let my crucified heart sink forever into yours and bury itself in the mysterious wound made by the entry of the lance."
—Prayer of St Bernadette
 

 

This is such a gorgeous prayer.

I know very little of Saint Bernadette’s life, other than the generalized details of her meeting Our Lady Of the Miraculous Medal. This prayer is deeply moving & inspiring in that regard. Dear sister saint, pray for us, that our hearts may pray these fervent words in union with yours!



"It may be at the hour when we are least expecting it, that God will come to take us and, it will be on our spiritual state at this hour, that our eternity will depend... It is essential, therefore, to be always prepared, fortified by faith, charity and good works. If we are really prepared, it will not matter when, where, or how death comes, for it will be to us, like the good Sister death of St Francis of Assisi. It will release us from this corrupt mortal flesh and open to us the gates of everlasting happiness. Then, we shall fly joyfully into the arms of our Creator and Redeemer, Whom we have tried hard to love and serve.
But, if we are not prepared, what then? How bitter it will be to have to leave the world to which we have become so attached. What remorse we shall feel at the remembrance of our innumerable sins, badly confessed and never atoned for and, at the realisation, that we have failed to do so much good we could have done, whereas now, we shall have to appear before the Eternal Judge, with nothing to offer!”

-Antonio Cardinal Bacci

 


When we die, we will meet God. Does your heart know and love Him enough to be with Him for eternity? Or shall you meet as strangers?

Memento Mori!! 🙏

Set your sight on Christ at every moment; over and over, retune your heart to hear His Voice, and redirect your thoughts to think upon His Life and Death. When your hands falter in serving Him, pray for the grace to immediately return to His work. When you slip and fall in your walk of faith, confess this to Him immediately and resolve to bring it to Him formally in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Inundate your being with such ardent love of Christ and longing for Him that you quickly and instinctively return to His Arms whenever you stray, like a lamb, like a child, like a beloved one.

One day, one moment, sooner than we think, our time on this earth will be complete, and we will stand before Him, however prepared or unprepared we are. Remember this!! Live according to this always, and pray for that grace and awareness every time you think of it. Sister Death will come to take us all, but blessed are you if she comes as a friend in Christ!


"If you travel to a historically Catholic country during the Holy Week, you may see many towns crucify people. Don’t worry about them, there’s no need to call the cops. It’s a tradition to re-create the last days of Christ. And the people who get crucified are volunteers."
 

Dead serious, I think about this every year and would be profoundly moved to be part of such a re-creation. It is good to always remember and reflect upon Our Lord’s Passion, but sadly our minds can often be too detached, too abstracted, from our bodies and the sharp reality of tangible daily life. But Christ Incarnated for that very reason– He IS part of our sharp and tangible reality, part of our suffering and closer than our own hearts. So to share in His memory and reality, just as sharply and tangibly as it was when He walked the earth… what an amazing, humbling blessing! Thanks be to God!

May God bless all the souls involved in such a holy and reverent work!

 


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The global Easter Alleluia on the Universalis app is making me so deeply happy I am in tears. It’s so simple yet amazing. So many voices, so many souls– so much love for God. It’s a beautiful glimmer of the communion of Saints here on earth. My heart is full of joy. Alleluia!

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It’s Vigil time ❤🔥💧🕊💒



prismaticbleed: (angel)



I have long been upset that we do not have an Advent Wreath at home, so today I made my own. 💜🙏🕯



I saw this and instantly burst into tears.

I’m so tired of the world lately. I’m so tired of being alive. And now I can’t even go to church, my one refuge. I spend my days sobbing uncontrollably. All I want is God. Everything else is just miserable vanity.

But this, this is just… joy. Jesus, my Jesus, arms open, welcoming me, light and flowers and beauty, all of it feeling exactly like a homecoming– so simple, but purely so, perfectly so. I cannot put into words how this makes me feel, what weeping bliss it breaks into my heart. I want to run into His arms and stay there forever, forever, laughing with final relief and love. I’m home. It’s over. I’m home with my Lord and the hells below will never touch me again.

God knows I don’t have much time left here. I know. I’m not afraid of death. I’m afraid of not absolutely inundating every millisecond of my life with God while I remain– which I haven’t been doing as the daily war of illnesses is hell and the lack of monastic-grade worship is making it more of a hell. But I don’t give up, God help me. This is my hope. This image is exactly the goal that keeps me breathing.

Jesus, when its time to come home, I’ll come home rejoicing. Until then, let me keep my heart fixed on that thought. Keep the lights on for me.





The Varieties of Religious Experience (Series 1) Church of the Gesù

Mother Church of the Society of Jesus, the Jesuits.  Contains the tomb of St. Ignatius Loyola and many other saints.

Just take a few minutes and genuinely look at each photo here. Take in the depth of beauty, skill, and devoted love evident in the grandeur of architecture and art. Look at the natural glory of the light and space from God’s hands that perfects it all. Realize that every inch of this gorgeous church exists solely for the praise and worship and love of God– a temporal glimpse of the eternal bliss portrayed in that third photo, in the presence of our beloved Lord forever.

I could legitimately live here.




As the Lenten Season of penance and prayer begins, Catholics are called again to tread in the Way of the Cross with Christ… Despite the crown of thorns and reed scepter, bother intended as mockeries of Christ’s claims, His Divinity and majesty are evident. The persecutors of the present day, who force Christ’s Mystical Body to undergo the humiliation and suffering of the road to Calvary, will also find at last that Christ is truly King and that His divine power cannot be overthrown by earthly tyrants.

His divinity transmuted everything He touched, awakening deeper truths within it all. Those thorns are a true crown, for through humility and suffering Christ became King over all the earth, whereas a crown of gold would have been hollow and superficial. That reed is a true scepter, a sign of power through the most weak and broken thing, the ability of God to reign both through what the world deems useless, and to rule over the world and its empty power with those same humble means.

Behold, the Man– the true Man and the true God, His revelations a divine paradox, understandable only by the pure and simple of heart! May we walk His holy road with Him this Lent, seeking to imitate His divine example of blessed poverty of spirit and body, in order to ultimately share in His boundless riches in heaven!

We are His Mystical Body even today, and we must embrace His Cross in our lives all the more ardently in these terrifying times, for it is only through uniting our sufferings to Christ’s Passion that we, through Him, can rise triumphant despite it all.



Running this through Google Translate gave me some unexpectedly poignant results…

“I am yours, take Me back.”

“I Will; Uphold Me.”

“I Am. Receive Me.”

Just… what truths. Take Christ back into your heart. Obey His requests and defend His Word. Christ is born, both in history and in our hearts, then and now and always– He Is, so embrace Him!

We are worth more than many sparrows to the Lamb of God.

We are His, and He has come to bring us back to Him.




The Nativity by Gari Melchers

This is the mysterious glory of the Incarnation– that God Himself became man, became a tiny infant, in our shoddy gritty shadowed world, in time and space and temporality.

Jesus existed as the Light of the World right there in those dusty streets.

He still does.

And just… look at Saint Joseph. Mary is resting, exhausted from the effort of birthing divinity, as any of our souls would and will also be… but now, there is the Child; here is the Child, Light shining out of darkness, and His foster father is just looking at Him. Wordlessly, he gazes on in awe and wonder, perhaps even with some fear over what this means, what this will bring, in this world– but above all, he looks at Jesus Christ with tender love. He probably doesn’t understand much of what’s happening but that doesn’t matter here. He trusts in God, and he trusts in this Infant before him, fragile and small and infinitely brilliant, impossible to comprehend but there, alive, breathing and loving and his child.

I really, really love this painting.




The Cathedral of the Annunciation, Moscow, Russia

I suddenly find this so fitting, the golden-white warmth and beauty standing strong amidst the frozen black trees, the frigid grey sky. Yes, I adore winter, but I adore it’s beauty, the glory of God’s creative dream manifest in it, whether or not I’m freezing as a result. It’s beauty is constant, despite all inhospitable conditions.

And that’s what I see here– the Annunciation, the proclamation of perfect beauty in the very midst of a tumultuous world, despite all pain and hardship and sorrow and fear that marred man’s heart, and would continue to do so. Rejoice nevertheless! Christ has come, and His glorious Presence turns even the coldest snows, bitterest winds, and harshest ice into things of gorgeous gratitude. Christ transmutes it all– unfailing light and warmth in the dead of winter– and it all began with the Annunciation.




A church, burned and destroyed by ISIS during the group’s occupation of the predominantly Christian town of Bakhdida, Iraq.

The town was under ISIS rule between 2014-2016 when it was liberated by the Iraqi Security Forces.

Try as they may to destroy the buildings, those who oppose Christ can never destroy the true Church, for it is founded upon unshakable truth and grace.

Even now, these ruins speak in tragic triumph to the soul of their message. Although no mass is celebrated there now, the simple sight of the altar and icons is enough to move a heart to resolute rejoicing, to worship and gratitude, to an act of loving recognition of God despite destruction’s futile efforts to silence it.




Ecce Homo, Titian
 

I love how His Face looks so bruised, like the red He is holding… and yet there is this profoundly sad gentleness in His eyes, and that divine yet softly ineffable glow around His thorn-wrapped Head.

Behold, The Man. I adore every portrayal of Our Lord Jesus like this.




Mouth of Hell. Speculum humanae salvationis. Bruges. Ca.1460 Chicago, Newberry Library

Hell is so disturbingly carnal. Demons are always naked and wrathful and salacious and hungry. Hell itself is portrayed with a literal mouth, gulping down the damned, as heaps of animalistic devils ravenously chew and bite and devour fallen souls. It’s blood and spit and sweat and screams. There’s too much flesh, too much physicality. Hell is something far too tangible.

Inferno, Canto 24. The Divine Comedy. Gustave Doré ~ 1885 

What scares me the most about depictions of hell is how many people are in it. All of them, wracked with blind fear and awful despair… oh how we must strive to lead souls away from such a fate!



The Fall of the Rebel Angels (detail). Matthias Berckmans ~ 1643 Kerk Sint-Gummarus [Lier] 

The textures in this are terrifyingly fascinating. That’s something I’ve noticed in art– that holy angels are textured by their beautifully billowing garments, while fallen angels are textured by contorted coils of flesh. Just looking at the writhing bodies here, the pain and rage of hell is nearly tangible.


 

Des douze Perilz d'enfer, Robert Blondel. Bourges ~ ca.1480 BnF via Bibliothèque Infernale on FB

There is a harrowing power in the condensed message this painting. It’s something I love about medieval art like this– space itself is relative, so that the image becomes more symbolic than literal.

Here, we see Adam and Eve cast out from Eden, but they are entering what appears to be a castle gate– the doors to the “gilded prison” of the world. Furthermore, this is juxtaposed against the fall of the rebel angels, also cast out of God’s presence and into the world, their stolen kingdom and castle… a horrifying sight, marked by the angel’s flaming sword, as if in solemn warning to the first couple that disobeying God is never a small matter.

I also like that the blue of the angel’s wings reflects the distant glory of both heaven and the faraway scenery– something beautiful that we yearn for and must strive to eventually reach. Heaven is the faraway kingdom, and we only can reach it by means of God’s gracious help, for no fallen thing can ever crawl back up, nor can anyone cast out of Eden ever reenter. But, through Christ, we can be reborn, restored, and re-initiated into heaven’s pure light, and that is our greatest hope.




Knight, Death and Devil. Aleksandrov ~ 2012 via Bibliothèque Infernale on FB

Ahead of every Christian soldier looms the fact of his terrible death, and behind him creeps the fact of his terrible past. Yet he must pay no heed to their whispers, their mockeries, and their attacks, for they only seek to drag him from the straight and narrow path. The Christian soldier must put on the full armor of God and march ever onwards in steadfast faith, knowing that in Christ neither death nor the devil hold any power over him.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me…



Tower of Babel. Aleksander Mikhalchyk. Ukraine 

At first glance, this great tower does seem wondrous– but keep looking, and its utter hollowness becomes obvious. This is nothing but a monument to man’s pride and selfish ambition, striving to reach the glory of heaven but never able to either achieve or imitate its beauty. It’s just rock and rubble in the end. Without God, even the most magnificent work of human hands is worthless dust.



Isaac Blessing Jacob, 1670, Bartolome Esteban Murillo

I’m studying Genesis 27 right now, and I dearly love how intimately this historic moment is presented here… how commonplace it feels, with the holy scene indoors juxtaposed against the unaware outside world. I also really love that Rebekah is there, too! I never imagined the scene that way, but it’s a notable and sweet addition.

The use of color and shadow in this is sublime as well. It’s a joy to the eyes, as much as its content is to the heart.



Descent from the Cross, 1311, Duccio di Buoninsegna

 

There is such tenderness in everyone’s postures, actions, and expressions here– but my heart is just breaking at Mary.

I can’t even find words to describe her, here. It’s beyond words. I could meditate on this moment of ineffably mournful yet triumphant love between her and her Son for a very long time.

I really, really love this painting.




A mosaic of The Last Supper from the Benedictine Sisters’ Clyde Monastery Chapel in Missouri.

What strikes me the most about this is that Judas is almost visually invisible. He is lost in the shades of the mosaic around him– whereas all the other Apostles stand out clearly. It’s quite a heavy symbolic warning of the gravity of sin, especially that of hypocrisy in religion.




Our Lord Jesus Christ (Notre-Seigneur Jésus-Christ), James Tissot

This image of Jesus is overwhelming; it moves me to weeping. It is so beautiful, yet so powerful. I am stunned with love of Him Who loves me.

Behold, our Lord, His Hands pressed to His Heart, His Face solemn and serious– hear His unspoken words, this physical declaration of His ultimate Incarnated Love! Understand the importance, the gravity, the ultimate end and goal of the Truth communicated here: God is Love, and Jesus is God, and Jesus is Love, and that infinite eternal Love is there, here, tangible, tender and true and powerful within that Heart, beating for us beneath His Hands!

He is our Lord! What is there for us besides Him? He is our joy, our hope, our peace– He is our Everything, and He wants to be our everything; He desires so strongly to give us all He is that He even became a man like us, to live with us and love us in an intimately human way, in a way so staggeringly close that, I wonder, if we truly grasp the hugeness of it. God became a man so He could live and die for love of us. His death, cruel and tragic, merciless and bloody, He suffered at will so that we could be pardoned and live. His death was and is the righteous sentence for our sins and God Himself, our Judge, became also our sole source of pardon before Him, because He loves us and wants us to live– truly live, free from sin, full of hope, and able therefore to love Him with hearts broken in reciprocal love.

I honestly could speak His praises forever from the surge of ardent love I feel in beholding this image of Jesus. He is my love and my life, and that’s what hits so hard about His Hands and Face here– He knows this, and He knows how crucial, how vital, how monumental the Truth He is not only indicating, but Incarnating, is… and He so tells us, in this gesture of unfathomably passionate love hidden beneath humility, that we must never take this Truth lightly.





Annunciation, 1897, Carlos Schwabe.

I love how Mary is almost completely covered by light and flowers here– it highlights her selflessness, her focus on God alone. Surrounded by emblems of holiness, purity, and fruitfulness, a water jug at her feet, Mary becomes the bringer of Living Water and Divine Light to the whole world, the sweet fragrance of heaven itself clinging to her clothes.




The Annunciation
Cornelis van Poelenburgh—1635
 

The composition of this is stunning– with the clockwise embrace of clouds and angels leading to Gabriel’s outstretched hand, but ending right at the door, leaving Mary framed by a complimentary curve of earthly shadow. It’s the only thing separating them.

But that door feels like Christ– it feels like Mary’s ‘Fiat’ that brought Him into her world, down from heaven and into the flesh. She became His door to earth, and through her, He became our door to heaven. But no one else could open it– not even Gabriel, nor any other celestial power. He only revealed this potential passage, through God’s ultimate question, and gave her the choice as to what to do. And she said yes– yes, I will open the floodgates of heaven! Yes, I will open the door for Him! And thus, the divine was wed to the human, and Jesus Christ became man, in the womb of the humbly blessed Virgin Mary.




Alfred Agache (1843 - 1915)

L'Annonciation, 1891

Mary, Gate of Heaven and Star of the Sea, surrounded by their infinite blue, the vine above her reaching upward to the unseen realms where the True Vine she was about to conceive also hailed from.

And Gabriel, humble and honored, dressed in surprisingly earthly tones, knows he is not the focus here. He signifies the bringing of heaven to earth, foreshadowing the Son of God being wrapped in flesh, indistinguishable from any other earthly man in mere appearance. But these two figures, messenger and Mother, know the Truth about to be manifested– that the human girl dressed in heaven’s hues was to conceive God’s Son Himself as a little boy, and so unite both their realms and realities… the grandest end, in the humblest beginning, in this small exchange between two souls before the endless sea and sky.




Annunciation (detail)
by Michael Wening

The Christ Child was conceived in Mary’s Immaculate Heart even before He came into her womb.

So it must be with us, spiritually– we, too, must echo our Blessed Mother’s “yes” to His birth in our lives, letting the Divine Infant be conceived in our hearts, letting Him become the Lord of our lives, bringing Him to all we meet with humble yet exultant joy.




Annunciation
Mikhail Nesterov,

I love the dignity Mary shows here. Her “Fiat” is given with total willful grace, total surrender in love. There is no hesitation, doubt, fear, or confusion in her here– only humble pious finality, her agreement being the unbreakable foundation of Jesus’s coming Gospel on earth. The fruit tree blooming above her prophesies this, the divine Fruit of her womb coming, too, from above.

Lastly, I also love how Gabriel’s wings are that same gorgeous blue, the hue of heaven that so embraces our Blessed Mother.




Anunciación de Jaime Serra (Zaragoza, ZARAGOZA).

It always stuns me when God the Father is portayed with Jesus’s face– because that’s literally the only visible face the Father has for us. Yes, we can recognize God’s Presence in all of Creation, and we can acknowledge Christ’s Presence in the hearts of those who receive Him, but to see the Face of God? In the Old Testament, that very visage would strike you dead– innocently but inevitably, as no mortal mind could even comprehend His Face, let alone lay eyes on something so transcendent, so holy, so Real.

And then the Annunciation happened, and immediately, God began knitting together a Face for Himself in the womb of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Jesus is how we can look at God. The Father is seen in the Son, both literally and figuratively. Jesus Christ IS the “Face” of our Creator, in such a directly intimate way it moves one to tears– for only through Christ’s eyes can God meet our gaze with the most incomprehensibly tender love.





Details I love in this: the softness of Gabriel’s wings, the gentleness of their hand positions, the practically tangible light around the Holy Spirit, the way lines and angles all flow together in harmony, the delicate colors, Mary’s foot.



I really love this. God and Gabriel, moments before the First Mystery of Joy came to be– and dear Mary, as yet unaware of her most blessed role in salvation history. What a thought.



crawlingtowardchrist:

Always remember why we are Christian. God’s sacrifice is so unimaginable, incredible, and more than any one of us could ever do. Today is the day that Our Lord showed how much He loved us, and how much pain He would go through to save us!


 

This is the heartwrenching, gorgeous, terrible and beautiful paradox of Easter– that this awful truth of Christ’s bloody yet loving sacrifice of Himself has purchased for us eternal life and salvation through Him, through that same love.

Christ Crucified is not an image of death. This image, this vision of unimaginable pain, is also a declaration of unfathomable love. Christ chose this suffering in order to deliver us from damnation. This is how dearly He loves us!

This same Jesus who submitted to death has conquered death, victorious in His humble obedience, and has so opened the gates of heaven for us to enter through His holy example. Let us rejoice in this greatest of hopes, and now let us allow Him to wipe away our tears, for He Who Died has now been raised from the dead and lives forever!




“And may the God of peace, who brought again from the dead the great pastor of the sheep, our Lord Jesus Christ, in the blood of the everlasting testament, Fit you in all goodness, that you may do his will; doing in you that which is well pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom is glory for ever and ever. Amen.” - Hebrews 13:20-21

(The Risen by Severin Benz) +

He is truly risen!!

I love the use of color and shape here– the hard square browns of the rocky tomb elicit thoughts of the Cross, especially with the blood-red shroud draped across it at such a sharp intersecting angle. Yet from that same point, Christ’s crucified foot rises above it now, with beautifully billowing waves of purest white, the robes of our Living God wrapped about Him like the very clouds of heaven. Around Him, the blues of evening twilight brighten into the golds of dawn, night into day, darkness into light, even as He transmutes death into life. His Wounds still visible, His Cross now held as the banner of triumph, Jesus has been resurrected, and now points us to the heavenly Kingdom, Himself the Way, Himself the Victory.

Alleluia!!



“Make me a channel of your peace!” -St.Francis of Assisi 

This is arguably my favorite image of any Saint and Our Lord. The tenderness and devotion of the Love between Christ and Christian, made even more powerful by the Cross and Blood, and driven home by the shared Stigmata, strikes straight to my heart.

I could meditate on this image for years.
 


Reblogging this for everyone else with a cross of chronic illness, its constant reminder of mortality, and the feelings of helplessness and despair that may bring. Never give up. Keep faith, keep hope, keep joy, all of it in God. Fix your heart so firmly on Christ that nothing can shake you, for His Love will hold you secure. Although our bodies are dying, and inevitably so, Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life, and through Him– in Him, with Him, for Him– we have the promise of life eternal.

Never give up. The end is not the end.




Gerard van Honthorst, The mocking of Christ, ca. 1616-7

I think about this painting a lot. I can’t get over the striking contrast between the contorted faces of the shadowed men, loudly jeering and laughing, and the utterly innocent surrender of Jesus Christ, completely unresisting, His Face soft yet profoundly sad in the light, even with a rope around His neck, even with the red thrust rudely into His Hand, even with His Head pierced and bleeding. There’s a genuinely visible divinity about Jesus here, hidden to worldly eyes, right in the midst of suffering and mockery. It’s very moving.



Saint Joseph, look, I’m tired tonight,

But somehow I think that you care;

For being a father and one who works

Are things that both of us do share.

It tires a man, yet the heart is high,

For, Patron Saint, it’s all worth while.

Its rich reward is a loving wife,

And joyous light in a child’s smile.

O, Father, Worker, bear with me,

Help me, Joseph, to do my best,

To love, protect my family

Till work shall cease and Heaven is rest.

 

[My beloved grandpa died two years ago this April. We found this little prayer card as we were cleaning his work desk three days ago. I daresay Saint Joseph did answer this sweet petition for him. He is indeed now at rest, and today I specially remember him with love as I share this with you. Happy Father’s Day to all. 💛]




tomicscomics: It’s too soon for him to realize it’s too soon.
 

I actually love this because yes, those wood & nails DID hurt Jesus eventually, but! He still followed His dad’s advice, in a profound way– Jesus was ‘bullied’ worse than ever when He was crucified, His feelings being not just hurt but His Heart entirely broken… and yet, Jesus chose the Cross. He chose it when He was hated by the whole world. Jesus chose the wood & nails when others may have fought back or cursed in vengeance. Jesus bore all the hurt Himself, so no one else would have to, and He did it out of mercy, forgiveness, and love.

Carpentry ironically proved to actually be the literal answer for everything, in that Cross. Father knows best– pun intended!




Richly detailed stained glass like this really pulls at my heart, as the stunning colors and intricate artwork serves to glorify the portrayed truth in such a special way.

The luxuriant hues of the women’s garments speak symbolically– Mary’s blue speaking of the Divinity in her womb, the white attesting to her virgin purity; Elizabeth’s red humbly attesting her mortal age yet the gold of God’s light lifting it to miraculous fruitfulness! Even their halos speak: Mary, green as the new Eve, the true Garden, crowned with the gold of God’s power alive in her… Elizabeth in violet, inspired by the Holy Spirit to praise the Son hidden before her, this same color even highlighting her right foot, turned towards His Mother, turning her aged life to a new eternal life in following this new and beautiful Way.

The angels quoting the Gospel on their banners are truly gorgeous, their faces peaceful yet joyful, their very presences unseen by the women in time yet proclaimed by us in recognizing wonder. They elicit feelings of mysterious bliss, a trembling awareness of the incomprehensible God at work in this seemingly mundane exchange, a conversation that the eyes of the world can neither revere nor respect, but which the Children of God see and know and love for its eternally profound significance.

Religious art is a magnificent gift to God’s people, a gift given by Him and for Him, for His glory and love and gratitude. May all artists in His Church use their talents wholeheartedly for this holy purpose!



Pacecco de Rosa, 1607-1656
Salome with the head of Saint John the Baptist
 

This is, in my opinion, one of the most disturbing portrayals of this event. It immediately strikes you how YOUNG Salome is. This girl, practically a child, danced for her stepfather and his lustful guests, then had her own mother use her to request the coldblooded death of a prophet, even John the Baptist, the harbinger of Christ Himself. And this child likely was completely ignorant of the great evils she was both the key player in and enabler of. Had she no conscience, no sense of moral propriety, no questions of motive? But this painting answers that, to me. Look at her face, at her blankly passive eyes, a child doing what mommy and daddy want and simply pleased with that, yet fatally incomprehensive of the greater immoral underpinnings of her obedient actions.

That backdrop of utter detachment and empty motive makes John's doom all the more awful. The greatest Prophet's mouth is open just beneath Salome's ears, but death is not what silenced him. Those who could hear him would hear him even in death. No, John's words were smothered only by hers, her simple fatal and terrible demand-- for regardless of the truth, regardless of the bigger picture, she neither knew nor cared nor concerned herself with it... and so, here, on that wretched silver platter, he is just a severed head.



Saint Jerome Writing, 1605, Caravaggio

I feel such a deep love for Saint Jerome, honestly. Just these images of him… an old man, alone in dark silence, devoted to studying the Word of God. I live with my beloved grandparents so I know the wrinkled forehead, the bald pate, the worn and fragile skin, the white and fraying hair. I also know the strength that illumines even a fading body through faith. I see that sliver of a blessed halo above that downturned face in holy focus and I genuinely love this Saint, this old man who adores the Lord, and I cannot wait to meet him in heaven, and I pray to imitate him more while I grow older on this earth until then.

Dear Saint Jerome, pray for us!




“Our Lord sometimes makes you feel the weight of the cross. The weight seems unbearable but you carry it because in His love and mercy, the Lord helps you and gives you strength.”

-Saint Padre Pio

This is so true– and the sculpture illustrates it so beautifully! Look at our Lord, how He leads us with gentle but unshakable reassurance! To imagine myself in Padre Pio’s place… it actually makes my heart ache with love. What joy there is to carry the Cross with Christ! ❤🙏

 



I never tire of meditating on the mystery of Christ’s Agony in the Garden. It’s heartwrenching and unfathomably deep. Christ, the Son of God, was in agony over what He was about to suffer for the salvation of mankind– He was going to do it, He wasn’t running away, but He asked His Father for mercy nevertheless. “If this cup can pass from me…” and He wept and sweated blood and pleaded with His friends to keep Him company and He suffered.

It’s… too much for my heart sometimes. “Not my will but Thine,” and He meant that sincerely, but it didn’t abate the pain, and that means a great deal to remember. Seeing my Savior like this, crumpled in sobs and desperate prayer, awaiting His own gory death… the Creator of the World Himself, trembling, helpless, fragile, and small in the shadows of the darkly knotted trees… it’s truly a divine mystery. And it’s just as beautiful as it is sorrowful.




Detail from Christ Crowned With Thorns, Dieric Bouts, 1470.

I am sure our Savior wept, silently perhaps, but still with His entire aching Heart, during the tortures of His Passion. He incarnated partly to share our weaknesses and pains, to be able to fully understand and assist us in our own torments… and He incarnated entirely to die. His saving death gives us life– but so, too, do His Tears, in a less literal way. Jesus wept because He felt every pain we have ever felt. He knows our afflictions. He knows how much it hurts. And so His Holy Tears flow with His Precious Blood, as He bears the Crown of Pain itself, the King over even those things that hurt us. He is Lord over all, and there is not a single thorn in our lives that He has not felt first. He is with us in every ache, crying with us, and loving us entirely.

Won’t you comfort Him in His sorrow, He Who wept to comfort you?




Simon Marmion - Man of Sorrows (c. 1460). Detail.

Presented so starkly, it becomes an honest shock to remember that nails were hammered through His Holy Hands. Nails! Big metal nails, sharp and solid, punched through flesh and sinew and bone and into raw wood… and then, after hours of world-changing agony, they were pulled out again– what an awful yet holy task!– leaving garish wounds, big bloodied holes, in their place.

Have you ever bled so? This sight, of red running down His arms in fat sticky drops, have you ever suffered similarly? True, nothing you have endured can compare to this, these sacred traumas, but can you empathize? Can you feel a twinge of shared suffering? Does your heart wince, imagining His great anguish, your own scars a mysterious reminder of His?

And His Pierced Side… oh, no human soul can fathom!

Look upon Him and tremble with grieving love! Weep with sorrow; reach out to comfort Him Who was crucified without consolation for your sake! We all suffer our splinters and sores, and we know how bitter injuries can be, so give this solace to your Savior, that you will endure your future pains with humble remembrance of His!

“Be not faithless, but believing.” (John 20:27) Reach out and feel His Hands, even here, even now. Behold thy Lord and thy God!





The Flagellation
This rare 18th century Spanish colonial figure represents The Flagellation of Jesus Christ. Hand carved and polychrome painted wood with inset glass eyes.
Unknown Artist.
 

Look at His back!!

His shoulders, His knees, from being crushed to the ground in agony, His shoulders, from the edges of the scourge…!

The blood He shed for us is unfathomable and it breaks my heart in half.

My Lord, what are you thinking, in such shocking pain, in such awful sorrow? What has moved your holy Face to such pensive distress?

O that I, too, should share Your grief-stricken meditation, in holding the terrible sight of Your wounds in my heart!



Every time I remember that Jesus kept His Wounds it just floors me. Our Savior is a Crucified Savior and that is so important to knowing Him, to understanding why He was born, and what He does for us now in Heaven.

I just see this, those horrible holes, dripping with dark blood, aching in agony, and I realize there is no bitterness or despair or complaint in it at all– it is Love, only Love, that suffered and died to save us from the pain of sin, to deliver us from damnation: a doom so unbearable that God Himself endured unbearable pain in order to destroy the very root of it.

Jesus keeps His Wounds to remind us that it is finished, that His Death is our Life, and His Blood is our Healing. What trembling joy and holy fear a heart must feel upon beholding them!

 



Christ in the Desert [1872]; Ivan Kramskoi [1837 - 1887]

This is forever one of my favorite paintings.

Look at that horizontal line of clouds, so low and dim; look at that bleak and rocky ground, so harsh and grey… Look at our Lord’s face. Look at his hands. Look at the way his robe is pulled tightly, as if against the cold desert night. I swear I can feel the silence, the vastness, the time… this artwork speaks volumes without a word. It is heartachingly beautiful.




Daniel Gerhartz

Every time I see these paintings, the sheer tender beauty of the light and color makes my heart ache in awe. The jewel tones are so precise, so stunningly vibrant amidst backgrounds of warm neutrals that they feel like rainbows gleaming in a dun sky. The brushstroke technique adds to this– everything is soft around the edges, watery like looking through tears, blurred like a dream right before waking. It feels specially transcendent because of this, as if its glorious subject matter is too magnificent to portray in any solid human manner or method… and indeed, isn’t it so? The radiance of Christian religion glows with divinity in every blessed item and action so devoted to it; it is perfectly fitting that any work of art striving to capture the precious essence of that worship would ultimately turn out like this– hazy with holiness, giving us a trembling but true glimpse of heaven’s splendor beyond the veil.




Polyptych of the Resurrection Virgin Annunciate, 1522, Titian

“Behold, the handmaid of the Lord.”

The great love, purity, and humility of our Lady is somehow so visible here, in the touching and sincere simplicity of her pose– the bowed head, the downturned eye, the hand to her heart. And yet her arms are open. She does not hide herself, nor turn inwards, but offers herself totally to God. So it is that the virginal red of her humanity is embraced by the blue of Divinity, with the pure white triangle of the Trinity fixed like a seal upon her heart… and the Mother of God shines as the morning star out of the darkness of the world.

“Be it done to me according to thy word.”




God loves us all. He doesn’t see political parties. He sees the heart. And even the most hardened sinner, even the most lost soul, has a chance to be redeemed and saved through His Divine Love and Mercy, if only they would believe in His Truth, and humbly submit to His teaching!

So remember this before you are tempted into judging politicians as people. They are sinners, just like us. And they are still precious to God, just like us. We are all at His mercy, and indebted to His Love. So let us honor Him by treating each other with merciful love, too.

Vote for policy, not personality– and above all, vote according to Christ.





When I feel distressed and helpless in life, it truly helps to think of Christ holding me like this, as His Child, His Creation. Even now, He sees me and remembers me from before my birth, when I was known only to Him, but known completely and perfectly, and loved just the same. He holds me and knows me and loves me still, and forever, and that gives me such comfort. Even if the world sees me as worthless and purposeless and unwanted, Christ calls me His Own, and that is my undying hope.



HOPE IN GOD 

Death can shatter many hopes; it cannot break the Ties which unite an Immortal Soul to the Souls which it loves immortally.






The Temptation by the Devil
, 1865

Gustave Doré, 1832-1883

 

I really love this, actually. There’s a symbolic visual truth to it that really strikes me.

Here we have Satan, fallen angel, self-proclaimed illegitimate prince of the earth, brazenly and bitterly trying to get Jesus to worship him– Jesus, the King of all worlds, the Creator of life itself, the very source and summit of incorruptible light– and yet, the devil is at Christ’s feet. He’s on his knees, furiously imploring perhaps, goading and sneering... But Jesus doesn’t even look at him. He knows that the devil has no right to sell His own planet back to Him.

And honestly, it’s apparent. The devil gestures to his “kingdom,” but all we see is a tiny huddle of man-made architecture swallowed up in miles of untouched green. And so is the truth. Amidst the wilderness of God’s natural art, all of man’s achievements– all the devil claims to control– will ultimately be reduced to the rubble and dust it came from, and time will proclaim God’s endless sovereignty. The devil has nothing to sell. And truly, Jesus knows it– as surely as He knows the birds flying free, which He protects to the last tiny chick, and as surely as He knows the sun, blazing gloriously behind Satan’s ignorant claw, testifying to the eternal light that will defeat him with every sunrise. Jesus owns the hills, the sky, the clouds, the dirt, the dawn, and the devil himself. But there is one last, heavy, hidden truth.

His Holy Face shining with the promise of true kingly glory, Jesus looks away from the devil’s spoilsand wreathed in the red that will one day purchase the one thing He wishes to claim irrevocably as His own special possession, he looks to us. And His eyes say, you are worth the cost.




prismaticbleed: (czj)

022820 dream.

big labyrinthine building/cruise ship thing? long long hallways, color coded. stairwells but no elevators OR windows, or even doors???
PERFECT CHAOS OUTSIDE. me looking for "level 3," colored aqua, only floor with "water access." whole time I am being hunted down by government or something? don't want me near pc.
find a little chinese girl, pigtails? name juan lin. obsessed with eggs, eating hardboiled ones. works with orcas on the "ship??" knows the water access routes. showed me, but I had to pretend I was also an orca worker to get there. ended up in performance with her, doing flips and acrobatics with the whales for audience. but it got me outside into the water!

I remember him seeing me and RECOGNIZING ME.

standing at the front of the boat, kissing his face, him reaching out to touch my hair and arms and face with water tentacles. his eyes so soft this entire time. totally unlike any wildness that’s usually in perfect.
I kept saying "I love you so much"
TOTAL PEACE THOUGH. no desperation, no panic. just solid love.


ROBOTIK SHOWS UP AND HE'S THE LITERAL DEVIL
threatening to kill juan lin AND my mom & grandma if I don't surrender. also had some sort of HEART BOMB in chaos??? tied TO the ship, like he was fused to it, couldn't go back to normal either as a result. me asking for "scuba diving gear" so I could get INTO him and get it out.
robotnik mocking me for my "pure good christian girl" image, bringing up ALL my old sins, especially charlotte. me crying and panicked, world end feel, "these timelines aren't supposed to intersect," but oddly it felt like they HAD to or NOTHING would be "whole"

me literally praying psalm 121 out loud
"I lift my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall cometh my help? my help shall come from the LORD, who made heaven and earth"…

SONIC shows up but robotnik GRABS him and shocks him unconscious or something?

robotnik brings out my mom and grandma, held by govt men with guns to their heads, tells them to FIRE.
BUT chaos uses CHAOS CONTROL. like in sa2b. freezes/slows down time. BUT perhaps through celebi powers I MOVE through it??? get them out of the way. but when time comes back the bullets KEEP MOVING and kill the men. I held them and wept and apologized to God, I was too coldhearted, I hadn't thought of them.
BUT THEN my heart starts acting up because of the time lag, I think I pass out?


AT SOME POINT ROBOTNIK SETS OFF THE HEART BOMB
and chaos makes that gutwrenching sound that he does when you hit him in generations


sonic saving all the people on the ship
brings me to core of ship?
I remember holding pieces of something, crying but weirdly at peace, saving chaos finally



apartments with eleanor from tgp???
she gets evicted but chaos and I are with her (watching cartoon of life???) and at the office we vouch for her, help her out somehow
the workers there KNOW US FROM THE SHIP and are talking to us
"are you married"
THE DISCUSSION.
literal marriage vs vocational marriage
"we can't have kids anyway"
huge focus on God, ALWAYS with us really


made into movie?
sth "many waters"
oscar for best actress
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE FIRST LETTER TO THE CORINTHIANS

deciding that the oscar guy is actually a cherubim
"guardian of chastity"


prismaticbleed: (angel)



The Cathedral of the Madeleine, Salt Lake City
Interior designed 1917

I was here, once, on the Feast of the Assumption, the day after I moved into SLC for a while.

The mass changed my life. I wept from ineffable emotions the entire time, stricken by the beauty of the art and the air, the prayers and the psalms, the glory of the Gospel. I wanted to stay forever. In my heart, I truly think I have. Part of my soul will always remain there, kneeling alone and awestruck in those pews, pouring itself out to God.




ratatoskryggdrasil:

Edward Knippers, Moses and the Burning Bush, 2008

This is what my personal faith feels like.

That HAND in that kaleidoscopic color– that reduces me to trembling. That   numinous surrealism, that impossible terrible beauty… That is how God’s divinity feels to me.
And Moses, completely unclothed, his sandal in hand, his body language totally open, wonder clearly visible despite fear… that light above him.
I adore this, I really do.





This is all I want in life; this is all my heart yearns for; this is what we are meant to live and die for.

Sweet Jesus, I beg of you, poor, weak and miserable sinner that I am– please, move my heart, change my heart, purify my will and thoughts so that this, this, You– are the very center and core and guiding light of my existence, the cornerstone of my soul, the joy and hope and love of my entire being. Dear Jesus, hear my fervent prayer! How I love you, and how desperately I wish to love you even more– more sincerely, more completely, more ardently, in this life and the next!

Your love is life itself. May I spend both my life and my love in constant honor of You.




artist-titian:

Polyptych of the Resurrection, 1522, Titian


Medium: oil,board

Here it is!

There is so much delicately powerful emotion in this, spoken through silent body language. It’s beautiful.

The composition is utterly breathtaking, too– the central image of Christ, triumphantly resurrected, His arm gesturing towards His Mother, whose hand is humbly touched to her heart, “behold the handmaiden of the Lord”… echoing the upheld arm of the Archangel Gabriel, in a perfect diagonal across, linked by the figure of Christ, literally and figuratively… the banner He holds mirroring the Archangel’s greeting– “hail, full of grace!” – in both victorious function and declaration of birth… His life blossoming forth from both the Womb and the Tomb. Then on the bottom left we have Saints Nazarius and Celsus (with a donor), with Saints Sebastian and Roch in the bottom right… and for me, the meaning that sprung out was that they were all notably cared for by women: Celsus first by his mother, who introduced him to Nazarius to be taught and baptized; Sebastian by Saint Irene of Rome, who tended his wounds; and Roch also by his mother, who was sterile until she prayed to Mary for a child! Not only that, but Saint Roch is speaking to an angel… again making a diagonal connection to Gabriel, and linking Mary to him by association. Completing this compositional beauty is Nazarius, gesturing to Christ, the kneeling donor and attentive Celsus beside him echoing Mary’s position of prayerful humility… and reflecting, lastly, the awe of the soldiers falling before the resurrected Jesus, the dawning light around the one’s head perhaps symbolizing the awakening of Gentiles like us to faith, to beholding the glory of God in His Son, and to ultimately testifying to His Sovereignty with every detail of our lives… seeing Him in All, just like this painting.



Crucifixus etiam pro nobis.

He was crucified– even for us!

(That is the heart of the cross. He did it for us. This was no deserved punishment for Him; this was no obligation or sentence or force. This was no selfish act. Everything about the crucifixion was a choice, made in obedient love, to Love, for Love. Jesus Christ died for us. There is an entire universe of meaning in that simple profound truth.)
 


 

Christ is the King of all Creation, and the King of our very hearts. He is both the Just Judge of souls, and our Merciful Savior. All glory, honor, power, and praise are His– the Son of God, the Ruler of All!

These artworks are so beautiful. They portray the gorgeous compassion of Christ, as well as His stunning authority, in powerful truth. I especially love when His Wounds are visible alongside His Scepter and Crown– reminding us of what He suffered for our sake, through His Passion and Death, to redeem us from the sin He otherwise must punish… mercy and justice united in perfect love. It’s amazing.



Look at the love in every single face here. The gaze that the Christ Child is giving her is profound enough to move my heart to tears.


Deposition, 1558, Tintoretto

Oh wow, the juxtaposition of Jesus and Mary!!


Jacob’s Ladder, 1578, Tintoretto

The perspective of this is astounding– and the translucency of the angels!!
And God the Father at the very top, arms outstretched, radiant. That simple detail is magnificent, and makes my heart tremble.


Annunciation the Angel, 1594, Tintoretto

I love the visible brushstrokes in this, how they are practically tangible light. Fitting for such a portrait of an angel, announcing the Light Incarnate!
I also really love how Gabriel is portrayed– those worker’s arms, that notable nose, the tightly curled hair. To imagine how angels must choose a visible form for our sakes, it’s a dear thought to wonder over, what Gabriel would delight to be depicted with, in every artist’s eye.
 

Paradise, Tintoretto

Our Christian brethren from all ages, gathered all together at last, in eternal love and praise of our God– in wonder and joy before the Son and His Mother, the King and Queen of us all!
Oh, to one day be a joyous member of that heavenly host!!
Keep this image and its great hope in your heart. This is the community of saints we must strive to join, through living holy lives here on earth, by Christ’s grace. Let that dedication to honor Him motivate our every decision, until we leave this world for Paradise!



Saint Matthew and the Angel, 1602, Caravaggio

Oh I love the absolute friendly intimacy of this interaction. Look at the body language– Matthew’s almost casually crossed legs, the angel’s playfully graceful tilt, Matthew’s raptly focused hands gripping book and quill, the angel’s light but powerful touch guiding him, their other hand resting so simply… Matthew’s bright and inspired eyes, the angel’s utterly peaceful and playful gaze, that hint of a smile in their unheard direction.

The closeness evident in this, literally and figuratively, is so sweet and moving. May we, too, strive to have such a friendship with God and His angels (and saints!), that it permeates every moment of our everyday lives with faithful love.



Oh WHAT a sword!! How true that is, in its terrific pain!

And yet, look at her face. Despite inexpressible sorrows, Mary forever trusts in God. She feels no bitterness, no despair, no complaint. She weeps, as any loving heart would– she weeps more than any woman has ever wept– but her tears are all born of love for Her Divine Son.

Inexpressible love, and inexpressible sorrow. This is how she shares in Christ’s Passion and Death. This is that blessed sword.



The intricate elegance of this card itself is nothing compared to the fathomless beauty of His Sacred Heart.

I really love that juxtaposition, of worship offering sweetness to sweetness itself. It’s a very precious thing.



“Gethsemane” by Adam Abram (2008) featured here

Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go yonder and pray.” And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt.” – Mt 26:36-39

”[…]The world has no idea of all that Jesus suffered.[…]” —St. Faustina, Diary 1054

Jesus fell on His face and prayed. I forget that profound detail. His prayer was so fervent, so genuine, so anguished… indeed, we have no idea how severely our Savior suffered for us. No wonder He shook with sorrow in the garden. This fact should move us all to the deepest humility, love, gratitude, and contrition!



purgatorialsociety:

Sts. Vincent Ferrer and Nicolas of Tolentino Interceding for the Souls in Purgatory Carlo Magini, c. 1742

Look at Saint Nicholas’s heartfelt pose, at Saint Vincent’s faithful stance! Look at that gentle joyous angel, at that equally joyous soul!

This is so beautiful. We must pray for our fellows in Purgatory.

purgatorialsociety:

Saint Nicholas of Tolentino, Confessor - 10 September

The clouds look like roses– fitting, as the Rosary is a powerful aid to those in Purgatory.

I also love those angels above, mirroring the souls below. It’s like they’re joyfully watching Saint Nicholas, waiting with him to welcome those suffering brethren into the Kingdom at last.

 




artist-tissot:

The Grotto of the Agony, 1894, James Tissot
 

Oh Lord this rends my heart in half.

Just… the angels, their expressions ineffable, showing our Lord scenes from His imminent Passion, carrying Veronica’s veil, even displaying His Sorrowful Mother’s heart pierced in Simeon’s prophetic fulfillment… how the angels nearest us are transparent, their testaments unknown… how our dear Savior Himself is lying on the ground in agonized prayer, yet His eyes are attentive, understanding, decisive even… how He looks up so in the direction of the seraph bearing the chalice He feared to drink, yet which is full of light before Him… and here there is no fear on His holy face, no distress, if only for a moment. Here, there is divine strength. Here, there is the first glimmer of the hope of The Resurrection.

“[He prayed,] ‘Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.’ And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.” (Luke 22:42-43)

I really, really love this.


necspenecmetu:

Bartolomeo Guidobono (Il Prete di Savona), The Intercession of the Virgin and Saint Nicholas of Tolentino for the Souls in Purgatory, 18th century

This is such a powerful image– both the desperate reaches & faces of the poor suffering souls in Purgatory towards heaven, towards Jesus and His Mother, and the contrastingly serene expressions of those divine figures, are so striking.

Mostly I am so moved by the angel. There is this totally calm yet solidly joyous smile on their face, and they are pulling a soul out of Purgatory with a grip that is firm but full of love. I’m not sure on the meaning of the belt in their other hand, but if I had to guess, if seems as if that instrument of bondage, too, was removed from the soul below.

And those skulls in the bottom left corner. Memento Mori. Pray for the souls in Purgatory– chances are that we, too, will join them one day, and that day may very well be tomorrow!!

allaboutmary:

A French print of the Mother of Sorrows holding some of the Arma Christi, the instruments Christ’s Passion.

I love how, even with tears in her eyes, there is this visible joy in her face. She has wept with bitter sorrow but this fact has not diminished her faith, hope, or love in the slightest. She holds these terribly blessed instruments with a genuine honor, displaying them to us with glory. She knows God is victorious. She knows her Son will rise. She knows that no amount of pain or misery can ever stand in the way of the Lord… but she also knows that pain and misery are real, and legitimate, and holy when felt by a tender heart.

Mary invites us to share her sorrows, so that we can truly share in her joy as well. Blessed Mother of Sorrows, pray for us!


 

 

Meanwhile in Rome…

Church of Santa Maria in campitelli

 

Oh WOW.

I love Catholic church architecture so much because it absolutely testifies to the GLORY of God! This is something you do not, and should not, see anywhere but in the House of God. It is a powerful visual testament to WHO we are worshipping.

 

I always remind others of this when they doubt the existence of relics from the Crucifixion… do you really think Mary would let those sacred objects go forgotten? Never. I am sure she preserved them with the utmost love and honor.

Oh blessed Mother, oh sorrowful Mother, pray for us poor sinners, that through the dear graces of your Son’s saving death, we may be made new and live lives worthy of receiving His promises!

 

signorcasaubon:

Viktor Vasnetsov - Fatherhood (Detail); State Tretyakov Gallery, Moscow, Russia; 1907

I’ve posted this one a few times before, but I never tire of looking at it

This is titled Fatherhood.

I’m honestly in tears. The beauty and power of this is a sword straight to the heart. This is our God– the Lord and Creator of all– our Father and Brother and Friend, Who loves us!!



Holy Thursday at Santissima Trinità. - Fr. Kevin Staley-Joyce

Could you not watch one hour with me?

Oh this absolutely rends my heart with its beauty.

Holy Thursday night is the most agonizingly sorrowful and most mysteriously gorgeous night of the entire year, for me. It is its own entire reality, outside of linear time somehow, eternally ancient and yet completely present, so real you feel it in every atom. The last night before the end… the first night of the beginning.


theraccolta:

Christ Embracing Saint Bernard

The ineffable love in this leaves me speechless and in tears.
To think… Christ yearns to embrace all of us like that. That’s how dearly He loves us– that’s the ultimate heart of the Cross itself!

 

coriesu:

Saint Monica’s Prayer
Herbert Gustav Schmalz

This is strikingly moving. What a devoted, loving mother, who would not rest until her son’s soul was delivered from deathly ways!

Dear Saint Monica, pray to God for all of us whose loved ones have ignored, rejected, or fallen away from Christ! May their souls be moved by God’s grace, through our loving and fervent intercessions, to convert and return to the Lord with their whole hearts!

 


cvbarroso:



Un Viático en el Baztan - Javier Ciga Echandi - 1917

A Viaticum in the Baztan.

“According to Fernández Oyaregui, ‘Un Viático en el Baztan’ is [Javier’s] masterpiece… "It narrates, with incalculable ethnographic and sociological value, with real characters of his time, a habitual religious custom at the time…” The scene, which takes place in the palace of Askoa in Elbete, reflects the moment in which a procession of mourning women provided with candles, preceded by Monsignor Mauricio Berekoetxea and the altar boy Juan Lasa, set out to enter the house of the patient to administer the last Sacraments.” (Source)

There is such a tangible sense of sacred solemnity here– a real blurring of the line between life and death. Here, the Monsignor and funeral procession testify not only to the reality of imminent death, of the end of a life… but even more strongly, bringing with them the Real Presence of Christ Himself, they testify to an imminent life after, to a greater truer life, the Way leading them in to the patient, and leading their patient onwards. You can feel that very threshold thrumming in the silent gravity of this painting.

 

cubism-art:



Snow-covered church, 1927
, Marc Chagall

I love the vibe of this so much. I can practically smell the crisp cold winter air, and the warm glow of morning sunlight, pouring from the stark blue skies… but loveliest of all is the luminous church itself, joyful and welcoming and bright, a safe haven for body and soul.

This is what winter feels like for me, in my heart always, and I love it so much.

 

loumargi:



Johann Nepomuk Ender (1793-1854)

The simple yet profound intimacy in this is stunningly gorgeous.

That is the hand of God, mind you. God as an infant, God as a human child, touching his human mother with divine tenderness and love. That detail alone is enough to move one to heartfelt contemplation.




Coronation of the Virgin, 1311, Duccio di Buoninsegna

I actually like how Christ is out of frame here– we only see His blessed Hands, crowning His Mother. That limited visibility highlights the mystery and divinity of this event, as it makes the Son appear in the same hidden way as the Father does in so many other ancient artworks: as hands alone, as the very instruments of power… as nothing personal, nothing too profound for mortal men. Now Mary, too, is an earthly being, no matter how holy she has been made, for her earthliness was a key part of her role in God’s plan. But she was the first mortal to see the face of God and live… the face of Jesus Christ. And now, here, she is made Queen of Heaven, raised up to a new way of being altogether, by the direct will and action of He Whose True Face no mortal being can see, let alone fathom.

And so, here we only see our Savior’s hands, but Mary sees infinitely more, sees what is hidden from us… she sees the Face of her Beloved Son.




The Six Winged Seraph, 1905, Mikhail Vrubel

And holding a thurible, too!

I’m immediately struck by their eyes, though. Their gaze is pure intensity, blazing like fire, and yet there’s still this feeling of unshakable peace within it… a peace born of angelic faith, joyously immovable though the stars themselves be snuffed out. Terrible, beautiful, awe-inspiring faith. Faith that makes you tremble, for it inherently proclaims the all-surpassing glory of God, to Whom that faith is anchored fast.

Seraphim are the highest choir. They exist TO praise God, incessantly. No wonder this one radiates such incomprehensible holiness. Every angel is terrifying because they are so high above us, so much closer to God, and they carry that Divine Light with them. To fear them is a mark of humility– a vivid awareness of our own awful sinfulness in contrast– but their response to us, “do not be afraid,” proclaims God’s Goodness, which is infinitely above even theirs, in an even more staggering sense. The Creator of All, the One Who makes a seraph’s eyes look like that– He loves us, and calls us to Him, and sent His Own Son to save us… the same beloved Son Whom the angels adore and announce throughout Scripture, and throughout our own lives even now.

So, behold this seraph. See God working through them for His people. See His power and glory and love reflected in them. And do not be afraid.





Saints. Hours of Louis de Laval, France ~ ca.1480 

That ocean of halos gives me so much hope. So many holy souls whose faces only God knows… unknown to the world, and blissfully so, for they are with God now, and lived for Him despite their anonymity, and that is all that matters.

Dear Lord, through Your grace and guidance, may I join this most blessed multitude one day, to adore you forever.



cvbarroso:

María Santísima de Guadalupe, Sevilla

Ineffable beauty and ineffable agony intertwined.

This photo is a sword straight to the heart.



rossodimarte:

Holy Cross by TRGGarcia on Flickr.

I love the details in this– the Arma Christi held by angels, including the pillar at which he was scourged… the skull and crowns at the foot of the cross… His Holy Family adoring together from Heaven… Veronica’s veil, the pelican perched on the top of the cross.

artist-tissot:



The Prodigal Son In Modern Life, the Fatted Calf, 1882
, James Tissot

Oh wow, this is beautifully done. I absolutely love modern-day depictions of Jesus’s parables; it shows how they are still so absolutely relevant to our lives.

Foster father and dear cousin.

I love how Jesus has His eyes closed in both statues, a beautiful expression of trust and peace.

 


 

coriesu:

The Beheading of Saint John the Baptist
Pier Francesco Mazzucchelli—ca. 1620

The composition of this is so powerful it brings me to tears.

There is such powerful testimony in all the paintings of John’s martyrdom. The very portrayal of his death speaks volumes as to the depth and devotion of his faith.

aksirisThe Cephalophore

Saint Denis - bishop of Paris in the third century

He was martyred for his faith by decapitation together with his companions Rusticus and Eleutherius

prosperosfootnotes: Motion to have all cephalophore saints depicted with light-like heads from now on.

This makes me think of 2 Corinthians 4:16-18:

“Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (CSB)

So yes, I am absolutely here for luminous-souled cephalophores. That which is within cannot be cut off.


rossodimarte:

Lorenzo Lotto

The Most Holy Trinity, 1523-24

Bergamo, Sant'Alessandro della Croce

Oh WOW, look at the silhouette of God the Father!!

I’m actually in tears from the beauty of this. God bless His inspired artists.
 


German: “Jesus wird erhöhet u stirbt am Creuze.” = “Jesus is raised/ exalted and dies on the Cross.”

I am struck, though, by the object at the foot of the Cross, beside Mary Magdalene. Is that the spikenard from John 12:3? Is that the precious oil with which she anointed His feet “for burial,” and dried them with her hair? If so, what a gorgeously heartbreaking visual parallel this is!



THIS is why we must be absolutely reverent during Mass!! The divine, unseen truth occurring there, all around us, including us, is so magnificent that it would (and should) bring every parishioner to their knees in awestruck tears… if we but honestly realized it, if only for a moment!

Oh my goodness this is so beautiful it makes me cry. Look at the absolute love in their eyes… and realize that Christ is looking at us like that, even now. It’s enough to move any heart to heaven.

Saint Joseph, foster father of all Christians, pray for us, your children through the Son, that we, too, may always gaze upon Him with as much pure and ardent love as you do.


fashionandfolkart:

Sacred Heart of Jesus

Artist unidentified

c. 1900

Paint on wood

Oh this is staggering in its humbly stark simplicity.

This is what He endured for us– overwhelming pain, pierced through with countless lances of sin! And yet, see there, the precious drops of Divine Blood– unfathomable mercy, shed for our reconciliation even then.

O Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us poor sinners!

allaboutmary:

Cor Amoris et Doloris

A German baroque miniatur of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, “heart of love and sorrow”.

This is really beautiful.

Her love and her sorrow are inseparable, really. They each strengthen and enable the other. One cannot feel true grief without knowing true compassion, and vice versa.


theraccolta:

Chapelle Notre-Dame de Lourdes de Montreal

The lighting in this is magnificent. Truly our Blessed Mother is “clothed with the sun” here!

I also really love how Mary– portrayed here as Our Lady of Lourdes, the Immaculate Conception– is positioned directly above the Tabernacle… which she literally is in her own right, having also “immaculately conceived” our Savior, and carrying His Precious Body within hers. Not only that, but right above her is the Holy Spirit, who made that very fact possible!

In any case the symmetry and symbolism of this entire altar is gorgeous.


Oh my goodness where is this? That conjoined-wing design, especially superimposed upon the wheels, just screams “Ophanim” to me.

I love this. I love incomprehensible representations of divinity, God and His angels both. It’s a deeply awe-inspiring truth.



 

Antique Prayer Cards.

I tried my best to translate the four French+Latin cards; they’re very beautiful. If you can translate them more accurately please let me know!

1. “Voila ce Coeur, Qui a tem'aime les homme!” = “Here is this Heart, Who has loved (you) men!”

2. “Tendre Marie priez pour nous auprès de votre divin fils.” = “Tender Mary pray for us to your divine son.”

3. “Mater Divina Providencia” = “Mother of Divine Providence.” / “Auxilium Christianorum” = “Help of Christians.” / “Salut, ó Mère de misėricorde; notre vie, notre joie, et notre esperance.” (Salve Regina)“ = "Hail, Mother of mercy; our life, our joy, and our hope. (Hail (Holy) Queen)” / “Secours des Chrétiens, priez pour nous.” = “Help of Christians, pray for us.”

4. “Ce que c'est qu'aimer. Dėdié à la Garde l'honneur.” = “This is what it is to love. Dedicated to Guard (Keep) the honor.” (?) / “Une petit image des degrés de l'amour.” = “A small picture of the degrees of love.” / “Mon Dieu, faites pousser mes ailes!…” = “My God, Make my wings grow!” (literally “Grow my wings!”) / “C'est en aimant la Croix que l'on trouve son Coeur, Car le divin Amour ne vit pas sans douleur…” = “It is by loving the Cross that one finds his Heart, Because the divine Love does not exist without pain…”

The final card is absolutely gorgeous; it’s also striking because it appears to potray the Sacred Heart of Jesus, with Mary’s Immaculate Heart at its center, Saint Joseph’s Pure Heart to the right, and Saint John the Divine’s Heart to the left! I’ve never seen his heart portrayed before. But, remember, from the Cross, Jesus entrusted Mary to him as his Mother, making John her first adopted son among us Christians. Therefore, the entire “Holy Family” is upon the Cross with our Lord, all their hearts united in that suffering love… and at its foot, dozens of anonymous hearts fly, inflamed with the Holy Spirit, to join that Family, quite literally, as Christians. Those are OUR hearts. It’s profoundly moving, truly. But there is also a terrific warning– notice the heart that has lost its fire of love, and so blackened and wingless, falls to the ground! May we be prevented from ever suffering such a fate– instead, let us all pray to our Crucified Lord of Love to gather our hearts to His– we tiny winged things, more precious than many sparrows– that we, with His blessed Family, may grow in fiery ardor to ultimately join them in both name and nature, honoring and defending both His Heart and His Cross, affixed to it with Him through carrying our own with fidelity and love!


oluxbeatissima:

Saint Peter Repentant 1823–25, Goya

In his human weakness, he betrayed his Lord… but his Lord never took the keys back. Peter still knew Jesus was the Christ, and nothing could change his faith– not even his own sin. His heart was still devoted, and we see the immediate proof of that in his repentance here… seeking forgiveness upon a rock, for having denied his Rock, who had called him, too, to be such a rock.

And he still has the keys. I cannot get over that. Even then, with the cockerel crowing overhead. His sin happened in the night, but now, even now, the darkness is ending. There is hope, golden and true, greater than any sin. There is resurrection after death. The rock will be moved, has been moved, and love will triumph evermore.

 

 

tetradamallian:

Notre Bonne Mere - Our Good Mother by Theophilia

Oh wow, this is such a tenderly loving image of Mary– and such an honestly striking picture of Jesus, so absolutely human here, so recognizable as a tiny infant, like we all were once. To imagine dear Mary cradling us like this, too, the blessedly adopted Children of her Blessed Child… she is, indeed, Our Good Mother.

What love and tenderness she beholds us with. We are indeed her children.

 

Sacred Heart of Jesus, Thy kingdom come!

God’s heart is aflame with love for us. He will ignite our hearts with that same love, for His sake! Trust in Him and do His work– He will support you in all of it.

In His Kingdom, our hearts in turn will burn like this for love of Him. And what love He has for us!! May our hearts be ignited even now, so that His will may be done upon earth!

 

Our Lady of Victory Basilica, Lackawanna, NY

Oh WOW, what a beautiful tabernacle!! All those reverent angels! One’s heart cannot help but be moved to feel the same.

 

 

Those thorns… that expression! There is such profundity and vulnerability in His face. I cannot take my eyes away from Him.

Behold, the Man!

 

 

thingsunderglass:

French reliquary pendant for the Holy Thorn circa 1340.

As someone with a strong devotion to Christ Crowned With Thorns, the reality of this absolutely hits me straight in the heart. Wow.

Honestly I’m speechlessly in tears; this is so ineffably beautiful and mysterious and holy. Looking at that Thorn… it makes me weak in the knees with reverent awe. Glory be to God.



artist-aivazovski:

Passage of the Jews through the Red Sea, 1891, Ivan Aivazovski

This is absolutely staggering in both beauty and affective power. Look how close the Egyptian army is! Look at those last-minute souls just barely pulling themselves out of the returning waters! Look at the light above, the darkness about, the divinely terrifying glow of the fiery cloud! And look at Moses– his hand outstretched, his faith unwavering, his people freed, his Lord and God unfailing.

The Old Testament (Tanakh) is honestly a gorgeous, humbling, magnificent, striking book, a true testament to the glory and goodness of God, which I have loved to read since childhood. This is a snapshot of why.


oldchildrensbooks:

The Guardian Angel.1898.

Carl Larsson.

As children, it’s so easy to acknowledge our angels, to envision them at the foot of our beds. But how many of us, as adults, remember and realize that these heavenly guardians still watch over us so closely, so lovingly? Even now, grown up and struggling to sleep, there is a special angel sitting alongside us, their heart full of compassion. Let us thank them for their fidelity to God through us, and turn to them for aid so that we, too, may glorify God with them!


centuriespast:

A Female Saint (Bridget of Sweden?) Holding a Crucifix and a Book
unknown artist
Wellcome Collection

I actually love that this dear saint is unidentified; whoever she is, she stands here humbly as a model of faith, seeking no recognition of self, but only proclaiming the love and honor due to God by her example… and so we modern Christian women can look to her here, and imagine ourselves in that same place.

If her name is unknown, what if it were ours? What would that feel like, to be the woman pictured here? What sort of blessed life, what trials and triumphs of faith, would we need to also live in order to truly inherit the title of Saint from our sister here?

If we can hold that ideal, that great hope, that very image in our hearts as we live our days, it shall certainly strengthen our devotion to God… and, with His guidance and blessing, we shall one day meet our anonymous sister here in heaven, saints among the saints.


v-ersacrum:

Raphael, Madonna of the candelabra (detail), c.1513

He is the Light of the World; She is the candle that humbly brought His fire to us.

I love the delicacy of their halos, and the silent profundity of their eyes.


The most Holy Trinity.

I really love how they are all positioned within each other here; with that ineffable visual focus on the Father’s Heart uniting them all.

I love depictions of the Trinity in art. It always strikes me as so ineffably, mysteriously gorgeous– the humble but honorable human attempt to portray the unfathomable.

“Gaze upon him, consider him, contemplate him, as you desire to imitate him.” - Saint Clare of Assisi
Sacred Icon of Christ Pantocrator

It is honestly so important to literally gaze on Jesus. The culture of death all around us fills our eyes with corruption and sin on a terrifyingly constant basis. We MUST refocus our sight on Christ, to wash away and overpower the negativity and lies of the world, and to train our poor battered subconscious to anchor itself on contemplating God as well. Gaze on Jesus, and let His beauty of visage, soul, and message fill your heart and mind so totally that all else is brought under His gentle yet powerful rule. As you ardently do this, seeking and loving and contemplating Him, you will indeed inevitably become more and more like Him. “The things that we love tell us what we are.”



Jesus will never give up on us. We just need to remember to never give up on Him! No matter how hopelessly far from sainthood we may feel, if we earnestly keep praying and keep trying to humbly but ardently obey Him, He will bring us to success. I’m sure of it. No one is too sinful to be saved, if they honestly allow God to rule in their lives more and more. Jesus can and will make us His saints. Don’t give up on Jesus!

 

 Seriously, ASK YOURSELF these questions– daily, even. Be brutally honest. Wherever you are convicted by the Spirit– and He will never sugarcoat the truth– CONFESS AND REPENT! Pray for mercy and the grace to reform your life. The fate of your soul depends on it!

 

hardsadness:

National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, Washington, United States of America Photo by Mateus Campos Felipe on Unsplash 

I visited this shrine twice in high school and it was immediately, indelibly impressed into my heart. It is achingly gorgeous; the sanctity is practically tangible. It is truly a place of God.

I miss it profoundly and plan to return as soon as God grants me the means. I’d honestly live there if it were possible.


We were just discussing this at church today, especially in light of Fatima and recent divine revelations in general.

We NEED to return to tradition, focusing strongly on continually strengthening and restoring virtues such as devotion, solemnity, humility, contrition, fear of God, and justice to our faith– showing it in our places of worship as well as within our parish communities.

 

The bright side of this constant concern: it keeps you focused on growing in God! Just don’t become obsessive. If nothing else, every inconvenience is an opportunity to practice patience, love, humility, gratitude, etc. And that is sufficient.

rachaelanthoney:

0907; Inside Duomo di Milano

I literally started crying upon seeing this. Oh my heart. The beauty is staggering, the sanctity virtually tangible… this captures the exact numinous grandeur that I adore in places of worship. God deserves all the glory and gorgeousness we can offer Him in His holy houses, honestly.
 

 


useless-catalanfacts:

Corpus Christi procession in València.

The flower petals are so gorgeous, all red amidst the gold and white, the light and incense smoke. And that monstrance, the literal heart of it all, more beautiful than the temporal glory all around… how blessed we are to have our faith!!


tularemia:

Hey, I’ve been there!! This alterpiece is from the chapel in the motherhouse of the Franciscan Sisters T. O. R. of the Penance of the Sorrowful Mother in Toronto, OH. They’re a beautiful community.

That fact adds an even deeper meaning to the presence of Our Lady at the foot of the cross here; thank you for sharing!

From their website:

“Founded at Franciscan University in 1988, we, the Franciscan Sisters T.O.R. of Penance of the Sorrowful Mother, are a Franciscan religious community rooted in Christ Crucified, animated by the Holy Spirit, and modeled after Mary, our Mother.  Our life flows from the Eucharist, the wellspring of love and mercy.  Captured by the merciful love of Christ, the fulfillment and desire of every human heart, in whose light every other love pales, we cannot help but freely give our lives.  We abandon all so that this impoverished world, unknowingly starving for His love, may be filled with knowledge of His merciful Heart, eternally beating and ferociously burning for every human person.”

I feel this beautiful description also beautifully demonstrates the quote above. These Sisters are indeed immersed in the Trinity, living their lives in constant remembrance and proclamation of God’s Love, and although they have completely given up all ties to this world, they have lost nothing, and indeed gained everything– for their joy, their wealth, their home, and even their very identity, are fulfilled in truth within that very Triune Love. May we, too, be so moved by that Love as to follow their humble example, and dedicate our lives– even outside of any formal vocation– entirely to God.

Lastly, I must confess that I am so deeply moved by that stained glass window above the Cross… the hands of God the Father, bestowing the Spirit upon us, which was only possible by the Son’s death (John 16:7)… hearkening back to Mary’s Fiat, her “Thy Will Be Done” echoing her Son’s, her “beginning” echoing this “ending”… her heart pierced with Our Lord’s just as Simeon foretold. God sent out His Spirit upon her then, as Jesus entered the world, and now as He leaves it, we remember that same hope, and look forward to Pentecost. It’s all just this deeply beautiful feeling in my heart, seeing that, those numinous hands and that sacred dove, that fire of incomprehensible Love. Indeed, one cannot help but be immersed in it.

sermoveritas:

The Solemnity of The Most Holy Trinity

Images of the Most Holy Trinity always move my heart like an earthquake. Yes, we cannot really “see” God, in any of His Persons, but… this is our reverent attempt to at least invoke honor and devoted love towards that Great Mystery, and boy, does it ever succeed! I want to fall, speechless and trembling with fearful joy, to my knees. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages, Amen!!



This– the Infant Jesus appearing to Saint Anthony of Padua– is gorgeously portrayed. Look at how lovingly Mary gives the Child to him– at the mandorla surrounding both Her and Christ, showing how this sacred moment transcends space and time! Look at the lilies, for Anthony’s humble devotion and Mary’s purity, at the putti, for God’s Presence with Our Lady, at the candle, for the light of Truth in God’s Word, and at that very Word present in not only the holy Bible open before the Saint– as open as His heart– but also in the Incarnate Word to whom he lifts up his heart and hands to receive!

signorcasaubon:

Statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in procession; Nervion, Seville, Spain

I really love how Jesus’s robe is open here, exposing his Sacred Heart quite literally. So many statues of our Lord just superimpose it onto His garment. But this, this vulnerability, this openness and tender power, is so striking, and– if I may be so bold– so true to our Lord’s character. Paired with His expression, we see not only his exquisite pain, but his equally vast mercy and love. Nothing is hidden from those who seek Him, who honor His Most Sacred Wounded Heart.

viktor-vasnetsov:

Shroud of Christ, 1901, Viktor Vasnetsov

The tenderness and agony both in this painting are stunning. And that red, stretched out behind them, that funereal black sky… this captures the feeling of that Friday so clearly. Good, true, for we all know what it accomplished, but oh, how terribly it did so!

willow-s-linda: I wanted to draw something for Pentecost. Interestingly, it seems to be an exclusively European holiday? Still, it’s one of my favourite parts about the New Testament. It makes me remember how close and powerful God is, not only to the apostles, but also in this life, today, to me. 

It’s a big deal indeed for Christians in general– today is the birthday of our Church in the world, by the Grace of God!

This illustration is so deeply moving and beautiful, and portrays the message of today’s holy day with simple profundity. The miracle of Pentecost still occurs today, in the hearts of all the faithful who are open and waiting in hope to receive Him, just like the Apostles.

Our Lord Jesus indeed promised to be with us always, and Pentecost is the glorious, loving manifestation of its fulfillment through all ages. No matter when or where we are, God is with us!

Come, Holy Spirit, and so enlighten our hearts with your divine Love, that we may carry your compassion to all the world!

theraccolta:

Pentecost by Miguel Cabrera

Look at how their hearts are moved!!

This is, truly, what it means and feels like to be a Christian. We have been called to such a great, glorious purpose for His sake, and through love of Him. Christianity is a religion of ardent devotion to the Lord God and Pentecost was the first earthly expression of that– the birthday of the Church!

lionofchaeronea:

Pentecost, Andrea di Cione (Orcagna), 1362-65

Our Lady was the first human to be touched by the Holy Spirit, at the Annunciation, when it was first proclaimed that God was coming into the world in a new way… as the Second Person of the Trinity. It is only fitting that here, at Pentecost, when the Third Person is finally to arrive for the rest of faithful humanity, Mary would again be at the heart of it, the gateway of the Spirit’s divine Grace for her Son’s friends, the Father’s adopted children.


coriesu:

The seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit
Unknown Artist
 

Oh I love this. The imagery of the Seraphim, bearing the Gifts, is especially striking– those angels are the closest of the Choirs to the Presence of God, and by His grace, through His Spirit, those Gifts are brought down into our hearts for His glory! What a miraculous, humbling privilege of faith! May we all pray for the openness, meekness, and trust of heart to receive those Gifts today.

theraccolta:

Q. 428. How did the Holy Ghost come down upon the Apostles?

A. The Holy Ghost came down upon the Apostles in the form of tongues of fire.

Q. 429. What did the form of tongues of fire denote?

A. The form of tongues of fire denoted the sacred character and divine authority of the preaching and teaching of the Apostles, by whose words and fervor all men were to be converted to the love of God.

This is such a beautiful illustration for that world-changing event. What divine love, what wonder and awe, what works of power and grace!  May we all respond like these blessed converts to the voice of the Holy Spirit in our lives– and may we, too, like the blessed Apostles, be His mouthpiece and kindling flames of love to others in such a wholly trusting, self-emptying, God-honoring way!

 

artist-perov:

Deposition, Vasily Perov

The emotion in this is heartwrenching.

And that blood on the empty cross!

dorrance30:

Ecce, Agnus Dei. 

Behold, The Lamb Of God.

I am always so deeply moved by the realization that God became a Child.

I am also struck by not only the tenderness and purity of this image, but also the ultimate implications of Christ’s title as the Lamb of God. He is the ultimate sacrificial offering, blameless and spotless, the offering of Love that would have the power to truly expiate all the sins He brought to that altar of the Cross.

In this Child is our Crucified Lord, our Good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep, and I daresay that profundity of love and power both is met in His Eyes here.

 

“Santa Veronica con il velo” by Mattia Preti

Oh, what aching beauty– her tears, her face; His face, His love!




This makes me think of the light within a confessional. It’s one of the most deeply, achingly comforting sights in the world.

madeleinewitt:

36 & 37 /40

from the beginning

All things were created Good; all things fell and were condemned to death.
Both the falling and the rising of creation were wrought upon trees.
Death is now a door. The fallen fruit now carries a fertile seed. There is a sunrise, there is a spring. There is hope.

“…If Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.” (Romans 8:10-11)



dramoor:

The Easter Story

(Via Dribbble)

The use of light in this is beautiful.

I also am moved by the solitary portrayal of the three acts of salvation here. Judas’s betrayal, with the condemning crowd, is presented as a public event, as part of the world, as a work of this worlds people. But although Jesus was surrounded by the same people as he carried His Cross, and died upon it, and rose from the dead on the third day… here, the focus is on Him alone, pun intended. We see the two thieves also dying in the background, but even that speaks only to highlight the nature of what is occurring front and center– God delivering Himself up to death, so that we who are doomed to die like those thieves now have another way, The Way– that by crucifying our worldly selves in faith, uniting our symbolic death to His literal salvific one, we allow Jesus Christ to take our place in death– as He so willed for His faithful– and we can follow Him out of the grave… instead of being crucified for our sins and dying an ignominious deserved death. But, again, the focus is on Jesus. Not on us. This is the distilled, focused presentation of Salvation’s victory over the World.

Christ alone carries the burden of our sins, Christ alone dies for the just punishment of our sins… and Christ alone conquers death and opens the tomb free from our sins. And so He calls us to follow– not to do the same, not literally, as It Is Finished, and the glory is His alone… but in loving compassion and faith, imitating Him, carrying our crosses and dying to sin and being reborn In His Grace.

In short, the pinpoint focus on Christ here, the Light in the darkness, the Only Source of Salvation, speaks volumes as to what was done, and why, and by Whom. It’s all Jesus Christ. Thanks be to God!



I was just thinking about this looking outside at the turning leaves and breathing the chilly fresh air. It’s such a blessing to be alive, to experience God’s wonders and beauty in the world. His Goodness is tangible in all of it– in every special detail of every season.

So yes, the next time you enjoy your pumpkin spice coffee, thank the Good Lord for having created all three of those things! 😄 (I happen to be eating cucumbers like a total loon, making myself even colder. 😆 But I wait all year for this weather so you won’t hear me complaining! I joyfully thank God for the cold too.)



“Easter Pink Slip,” by Miriam Migliazzi & Mart Klein.
To quote the source page, “When it comes to Easter, God is pretty much fired…”

This absolutely breaks my heart, and gives me serious pause as a Catholic. If the secular world really does feel this way– effectively “firing” God from His very masterpiece of salvation, the holiest holiday of the year, because “no one believes in [that] anymore”– then we Christians need to do everything we possibly can to defend His Kingdom, and proclaim His authority, and let Him remain the beloved boss of our lives, even if those around us are showing Him the door.

 

Anunciación. Faccini Pietro.
She’s holding the blue of divinity against her womb! What a striking detail.


gustave-moreau:

St. Cecilia (The Angels Announcing her Coming Martyrdom), 1897, Gustave Moreau

Oh this strikes straight to my heart. Dear Patron Saint! Look at the serenity upon her face! Look at the splendor of the holy angels, bringing tidings of her holy sacrifice! Look at the light of the moon above, reflecting the light of the sun in the night, just as she reflects the light of God’s Love in this night of her life!

O Lord, for whom my spiritual sister gladly died, may I keep this image of her faith impressed upon my heart!

Dear Saint Cecilia is my Confirmation Saint, as music has been a sacred and integral part of my life since infancy, and one of my biggest talents from God.

This morning, I found my old violin when doing spring cleaning and, even just by tuning it, what joy it brought to my beloved grandmother!

Music is such a blessing from God. May we always use it for His glory and honor, whether we are performing, composing, or listening. May our hearts always sing in harmony with His, in all His Creation, for it and we are part of His Song. Saint Cecilia, pray for us!

 

The body of our Lord Jesus Christ at my church.

I weep with heartbroken agony and contrite gratitude every time I see Him here, every Good Friday.

He is there because of me. He is there because of all of us. The amount of love in this is incomprehensible, and yet, it speaks to our hearts in perfect understanding.

Blessed be God forever.

 

 Jesus Looks at the Good Thief

I immediately started sobbing. The look in His eyes…!

That is what true love looks like. That is true mercy, true joy, true hope… oh, what blessed wonder, to recognize every heartfelt need fulfilled in That Holy Face!

“Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

 

lionofchaeronea:

Jesus Walking on the Sea of Galilee, Paul Bril and Frederik van Valckenborch, 1590s

I am so moved by the composition of this.
Here we have Galilee, and its fishermen, and its shepherds, the trees and clouds and cliffs… and right in the heart of it all, almost just another part of the scenery, we have the very Son of God, we have Peter’s faith and fear, we have a miracle and remembered thousands of years later. But notice how humble it is! Glory is framed by lesser glory, and yet none are diminished in beauty, all of it proclaiming the wonder of God. Jesus stands as a single pink figure, lit by contrasting blues, the wind and the waves, soft and gentle and powerful and terrible all at once– and Peter himself is the same hue as the grass, as the leaves, as the stones and the shoreline. Through color and movement, our eyes are ultimately led to the Son of God, and yet there is no force to it, no aggressive pointing-out. He simply walks on the water, amid everything else in the world, His humility and power both perfectly expressed.

Religious art is so gorgeous. Thank God for these blessed painters!


radtraditional:

St. James Brought to Martyrdom - Giovanni Battista Piazzetta (1683-1754)

“According to a tradition, which, as we learn from Eusebius… was received from Clement of Alexandria… the accuser who led the Apostle to judgment, moved by his confession, became himself a Christian, and they were beheaded together.

I swear you can feel the power of God’s grace in this; in James’s upturned face, in the look of wonder on his accuser’s own countenance, in how James himself seems pulled forwards, into some unseen light, seeking to serve his God more than to save his earthly life.
May we all mercifully receive such grace of devotion.


lionofchaeronea:

The Prophet Balaam and the Angel, John Linnell, 1859

This is so simple yet beautiful.

It feels real; there’s no superfluosity to it. No, here is the event itself, a snapshot of daily life, and of God’s miraculous workings in it.




For Julie, in memory of her struggles against sin, and God’s victory over it in her.



servant-of-christ-jesus:

Passion of Christ, Sorrows of Mary.

Oh this is heartwrenching.

There is so, so much aching terrible sorrowful beauty in both Christ and His Mother in their sacred sufferings. I think that alone speaks mysterious volumes of Truth to our hearts.



 

Mater Dolorosa

I literally gasped when I saw this. What unspeakable sorrow; what heartbreaking beauty!



artist-tissot:

The Holy Face (La sainte face), James Tissot

Oh wow wow wow. The HANDPRINTS.

I legitimately cried upon seeing this.



That little altar gate adds such a numinous gravity.

There is such a quiet yet profound sanctity to this. The crucifix, the tabernacle… what divine glories wrapped in such humble yet beautiful appearance!






Wooden Chapel constructed with 61 Doug Fir logs, conceived by John Pawson in the Bavarian village of Unterliezheim.

A small path leads to the chapel’s entrance, located at the transitional point between woodland and open ground. The architecture is framed as the simplest of gestures. From certain perspectives its mass appears as a pile of logs stacked up to dry; from others the considered placement of the elements on a concrete plinth creates a more formal impression of a piece of sculpture emerging from the forest. The purposefully narrow entry maintains the sense of physical proximity encountered as one moves through the dense trees, adding visceral and visual theatre to the exhilarating experience of passing into an attenuated space over seven metres high and nearly nine metres long.

I have honestly dreamed of building a chapel like this in my woods. I could never match the absolute beauty of this, though.

It’s staggeringly intimate in its rawness, its simplicity, its solitude. There is a grandeur to its stark humility that truly reflects the soul of religion– an absolute unfettered focus on Christ, on the ineffable reality of the Cross, held deeply and indelibly in the secret places of our hearts… and the infinity of Him within such a small space.

I adore this. I would love to pray here one day.





I can attest to this! It's a scary feeling at first, but honestly, God deserves His due. The first thing I do now with my monthly check is give 10% directly to the Church and if I don't, it drives my conscience crazy. To spend that God-given money on myself first is abominable. It all came from God-- He can take it away just as fast. And it was given for His glory no matter how I use it specifically; whether it's bills or groceries or medicine or gifts, my financial choices must honor my Lord. This, too, can be difficult, but it's the only proper way, and the only option that brings peace and keeps me close to Christ.

Something else I need to emphasize: yes, God will provide for those who trust in Him, but His providence might not be in the way you expect. Even if He wills that you do go without much food for a while, or you can't afford your meds this week, there WILL be a God-given Good Reason for it all that you will be shown if you still trust in Him, actively. Again, I can attest to this. I have never gone without what I need when I put it in his hands. That time when I was starving? My church friends gave me plenty of food. That time I couldn't afford medicine? My family unexpectedly bought it for me. And I ever was to truly go without... there's a reason. Believe me. Another time I was forced to stop a medication because it was OTC and out of stock for weeks (they ultimately stopped carrying it). Turns out that med was badly exacerbating other symptoms, and my doctor told me to stop it anyway. I had no clue and was quite humbled. Another time I had to limit my diet for a while due to similar reasons. And again, later I discovered that those items had been aggravating my allergies-- something I only learned from doctors during that temporary shortage. I know these sound like silly examples but honestly I cannot understate how unfailingly faithful God has always been to me, a wretched sinner, when I flee to Him in terrified but trusting honesty. He is merciful. He also deserves all the honor and gratitude we can possibly give Him.

In short: tithe! God is the Source of all abundance-- so trust and honor Him as such! The power is in Him, not the money.

 

 

I struggle with this a lot, what with my mental illness. My sense of "is this wrong?" can be skewed by trauma, delusions, and compulsions, and mangled by fear & survival impulses. I want to do what is right, but the Bible doesn't list every possible quandary in the world... because ultimately moral discernment comes from the Holy Spirit, not logical obsession or terrified guessing. Seeking "signs" won't help when your mind is a mess.





In the end, Jesus is our truest friend, our greatest need, and our brightest joy. He is everything, and He is always there for us.

Life has been full of fear, misery, stress, and despair for me lately. But every time I step back from it all, even for a moment, and turn to Jesus… I find a peace, a hope, a love that infinitely surpasses every worry and pain of this life, and which sets my heart back towards heaven, where He is waiting for me at the end of it all. No matter what happens here, Jesus is the final destination. And that is the most beautiful reassurance I can ever imagine.

I needed to see this tonight. Thank you. ❤



“It may be objected: ‘Our Lord is enough for me. I have no need of her.’ But He needed her, whether we do or not.

And what is more important, Our Blessed Lord gave us His Mother as our Mother.”

- Fulton Sheen, The World’s First Love
 

But He needed her, whether we do or not.

God’s Incarnation is all about love shown through humility. The Creator of all did need a human woman, a mother, to both enter and live in this world among us… and He wanted to need her; God delighted in needing her to birth Him and raise Him and care for Him during His childhood. Christ, was fed and bathed and comforted and taught by this gracefully humble and loving woman. Christ, the Second Person of the Trinity, became utterly dependent on her for His own physical existence as a helpless baby boy. The sheer amount of surrendering love in that is incomprehensibly profound… and it’s at the very heart of this Christmas season.

Jesus needed Mary, and He loved to need her. To claim that we don’t need her is to completely miss the point. And that’s why Jesus gave her to us, just as the Father gave her to Him… as a mother, as someone we will always need, because we love her.





| c r o s s |

I draw closer, anticipating the familiar pang of loneliness and rejection. Yes his gaze is unwavering and he offers his Word as proof of his love for the meager, weak, and wounded (…) Gently and slowly, I am urged to leave the comfortable stillness of the hill and approach the knoll. I discover that which I am drawn to is not a shiny, idealistic, ornate symbol to kneel in front of and offer rote prayers. That which I ponder is knotted wood, jagged and splintering, a tool intended to ridicule and destroy and one on which he was willing to be lifted and hung. In this rawness is my answer: he does not flinch and does not flee. He gathers me in the shadow of his love and soothes the bruises and gashes my cross has delivered. He urges open clenched fists and assures me I am capable, loved, and worthy. For it is in the shadow of his cross on the knoll that he claims me || Jennifer Hubbard

Blessed Feast of the Triumph of the Cross ➕

“He has no stately form or majesty that we should look upon Him, nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him… But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:2,5; NASB)
 

I think about this a lot, when I see crucifixes and other depictions of Our Lord that many may consider “ugly,” “poor,” or otherwise “nothing special.” It’s still Our Lord. When He was dying on the Cross, He looked incomparably worse than any artwork could portray Him, trust me… and that very awfulness of appearance, all blood and wounds and spittle and dust, is what accompanied the work of salvation. It was an integral part of it, in fact.

“That which I ponder is knotted wood, jagged and splintering, a tool intended to ridicule and destroy, and one on which he was willing to be lifted and hung. In this rawness is my answer: he does not flinch and does not flee.”

Let us never despise the ugliness of the Cross, physically or otherwise, for it has been transmuted into the greatest beauty, by the hidden yet ineffable glory of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
 

prismaticbleed: (held)

JUNE 16

What's the weather like in your inner world?
-untilthevoidstaresback

Weather seems very context-locked? It doesn’t vary much. Certain areas are Always sunny, or Always rainy, or Always foggy, etc.
Central City always has clear skies with huge non-storm clouds that move through rarely for aesthetic effect, be it day or night. 
The view from the Core Room is perpetually snowing outside. We don’t know where this opens to physically.
We’ve never really seen rain in headspace? Which is shocking, as we adore the rain, but we’ll have to go looking for it. 
We also adore foggy weather, but we’ve only Ever seen it on the beach in a “out of phase” state, years ago. Fog is usually a sign of “unstructured headspace” which means if you walk into it there’s really nothing there. It’s just white fog.

If rain and unusual weather is going to be anywhere, it’ll likely be in the Color Realms– we know for a fact that the Indigo Realm is foggy & snowy, for example, and that does not vary. So it’s good food for thought! We shall find out.

Thank you so much for this good question!


What’s your inner world like? Are there any places you and your system like to go in it? Do any of them have their own lives in the head space -the self conscious system
-Anonymous

Oh man, it’s MASSIVE. 
The main area is called Central City. It’s a city about the size of Charlotte, NC (apparently; we just moved here and it seems legit), with mountains on one side, a beach & ocean on another side, and rolling green hills on either end. These green areas stretch out (theoretically) into what we call Heartspace– this is where the worldwalls of Headspace blur and bleed into dreams, where one can access imagination realms & such (these areas “belong” to the Jewel bloodline). 
Central City is unusual in that is is the “hub” of headspace but it exists hypervertically. The very top of it, the skyline, is perpetually nighttime, and the sky is spangled with galaxies and nebulae and more stars than you can count. Moving downwards to the level of houses and apartments, though, the city becomes bright sunny daytime. This area is called “Midspace.”
There is also a LOT underground. There is “Lowspace” first, which is slightly below ground level but still open to the air. Then there is the “Underground,” which is just what it says on the tin, and is full of catacombs and cisterns and such. Below that is the “Chthonic” realm, which is all caves and lava tubes and such. There are also MANY unmapped areas, areas that exist “slightly off-center” to the rest of reality (like Darkspace), isolated areas of “Bubblespace,” Daemon Realms, the Archives, et cetera. 
Then there are the Color Realms, which we have NO Idea where they exist in physical space, but there is one for every Spectrum Color and they are currently being explored and researched and built!

In general, the main internal managers live in Central– the main penthouse meeting area of Central City. A handful of casual folks live in Midspace, a lot of anxious kids live in Lowspace, the Retributors live in the Underground, and the Chthonics are full of traumatized people. Basically, your function determines where you naturally are born and live, although you can travel. 
We are internally-based so we, by default, ALL live inside. Our physical life was so chronically disturbing to our mental state that we didn’t really live consciously in our body; those that did ONLY lived in the body as they needed to stay isolated from the inside to protect us from trauma, and they couldn’t know about anyone else in order to preserve our disparate functions as well. 

Our current struggle is learning to talk to our Social subsystem and teach them that they don’t have to live in constant paranoid compulsive self-abusive fear on the Outside. They, at large, cannot even comprehend an “inner life,” let alone a sense of self-awareness enough to imagine themselves within. But we’re learning and working and making progress.

We know that’s a ton of general info on short notice but we hope that’s at least a substantial introduction!
 


---------------

JUN 15
Hi! We’re a system of 8 (that we know of). I’m really curious, what’s it like being such a big system?! Is it like this one person has their own alters that have their own alters or?? Sorry if we seem rude! We’re super interested in how polyfragmentation works.
-confusedcohort
We’re all actually our own people, for the most part! A handful of us have “their own alters” but even then they Can exist apart within the System. 
Honestly, for us, polyfragmentation is a result of our psyche Needing hyperspecialized alters. We have a Lot of trauma and distress to deal with, across several contexts, so our System responded by making Many Very Specific Alters instead of a handful with very complex jobs. That’s too distressing, confusing, and dangerous for us. For example, we have a trauma-rooted eating disorder, and we literally have alters that exist to eat specific foods because No One Else Can, and that is THEIR specific job. For us, it couldn’t work any other way.
Polyfragmentation typically occurs alongside CPTSD, which we do have– when traumatic events become chronic and inescapable, sometimes a handful of alters just cannot survive.They break after so long. No, to get through such a war, you need an army. Which is what we got.
It can be overwhelming– switching can be Super fast and disorienting, and there can also be a Ton of people hovering about any any point, waiting in the wings to jump out Just In Case danger occurs– but it’s become normalized for us after so many years. It’s no less complex or difficult, but we at least know how to manage it. We know it’s for our health and survival and so we all respect each other’s roles, no matter how small they may seem, because Without that specific alter, we would Not have been able to Survive that situation in the past in one way or another.
Not only that, but many of us have purely Internal functions, operating solely within Headspace for the sake of psychological management, whereas others only work in Bodyspace, taking care of physical and social functions that Internally rooted alters often can’t even comprehend– they have no Need to, for their own jobs. So specificity is key.
Hope that makes sense? We love answering D.I.D. questions (this is our terrible beloved life after all) so don’t hesitate to ask some more if you’re curious!

----------------------

JUN 7

me: please tell me how to obtain success, my god.  I am so simple, and so small, and I feel the flames of destruction licking at my heels at all hours

you, an enormous yellow flower extending into the heavens: 

(via snakestack)

#system spirituality #this moves our heart to weeping #one of our favorite posts in the world #yellow #flowers #god concept #words


----------------------------


MAY 13
"[To the Lotus Cathedral:] I know there are many of you, so the image of you all together I get as a follower, for the types of people meme: matchstick people. Sometimes, you ignite an inferno and there’s chaos, and sometimes, you light a candle peaceful and comforting. You have promise and potential, and you always bring light and hope to the dark."
-
Anonymous


We really adore this. We’ve always identified heavily with fire, for good and Ill, and this is a perfect representation of it. Fire burns, and that burn can sterilize or sacrifice or scourge or shine. It brings both life and death, both warmth and pain, both a light to comfort and a light to blind. It’s a hearth and it’s a heat wave, it’s a candle and a conflagration. Fire is at our very heart and we all carry it so differently, all of us igniting that spark from our very selves. We are indeed a matchstick people. It’s a good thing to remember and meditate on, it’s so dear to our heart.
Thank you so much for this response.


------------------------

MAY 7

So, Our collective body turns 28 years old today. Gosh we’re so much older than we feel, haha. Multiplicity will do that.

We’ve never celebrated our birthday before– due to depersonalization & trauma & such– but this year is new and different, so we’re going to respect it.

Lastly, if any of you want to toss some spare change at [us] we can buy ourselves a cake even. You only get one genetic birthday a year after all. 🍰

God bless all of y'all ❤️❤️❤️

#happy birthday to us #really this is a leagueworld celebration day more than anything else #but we wouldnt even have those without having this body to work through #so happy 28th #heres to the rest of our life

-------------------

APR 10
“You who never arrived in my arms, Beloved, who were lost from the start, I don’t even know what songs would please you. I have given up trying to recognize you in the surging wave of the next moment. All the immense images in me — the far-off, deeply-felt landscape, cities, towers, and bridges, and unsuspected turns in the path, and those powerful lands that were once pulsing with the life of the gods— all rise within me to mean you, who forever elude me. You, Beloved, who are all the gardens I have ever gazed at, longing. An open window in a country house— , and you almost stepped out, pensive, to meet me. Streets that I chanced upon,— you had just walked down them and vanished. And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors were still dizzy with your presence and, startled, gave back my too-sudden image. Who knows? Perhaps the same bird echoed through both of us yesterday, separate, in the evening…”

You Who Never Arrived,  Rainer Maria Rilke


#to the system from the system with love #i am in tears from how deeply resonant this is #i adore all of you #all of you forever #poetry #rainier maria rilke #this makes my heart ache in the way that matters

-------------------------------------

APR 13

vesperalia: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry)
[Digital Collage, 2017]

This quote has always meant so much to us.

Paired with this astoundingly System-resonant image, it means infinitely more.

…Pun fully and adoringly intended, inevitably.

#I BEG YOUR PARDON #this is so resonant its unreal #honestly weeping over here #hearts #eyes #system spirituality #i adore this so much it hurts #daemons #infinitii #i cannot possibly articulate how profoundly this moves me #jay's post

-----------------------

MAR 24

"Where your pain is, there your heart lies also."

-Anna Kamienska, from a journal entry featured in “A Nest of Quiet: A Notebook”

#oh #this is our history in a nutshell #this makes my heart ache in the way that matters #quote



123017

Dec. 30th, 2017 11:04 pm
prismaticbleed: (shatter)

1230. saturday.

today lasted like... five years, what the heck
i apologize for this mess of an entry as a result but it really was ALL ONE DAY

morning run. YES THAT WAS TODAY.
830AM NOTES on that =

Sunrise, pink and cold and beautiful.
Genesis running alongside us at first, making sure we were ok.
Talking to Laurie, lucky penny comment. Then FOUND one
Food lion. Her whistling for attention at reduced rack, check our focus.
Got called SIR on the way out!
Had a dollar left, went to gas station
Penny in lot
Decided we wanted a TAMALE
Sweet old dude paid for it for us!
So we got Wreckage a DONUT
Walking home: "Ahrima?" Laurie, Wreckage, Jeremiah, Maverick
Minty seeing the rocker bunny on the track, torn
Church & breakfast plans. Mav & Wrex talking colors. Echo Lalia there too, no voice of her own readily?
So so happy.
NEED to do this regularly.


-------------------------------------

THIS EVENING =

eating trouble.
we made two omelettes for dinner, and then a night meal, BUT. we realized the trouble here.
1. still seeing food as art. didn't WANT to make two. but DID want to MAKE SOMETHING.
2. so many different people fronting.

we think "taureia" is the name of that DAEMON???
tied to the girl who ONLY comes out to binge in order to purge; triggered by fear. she's a failsafe???

versus rupture.


Blue girl = COMPULSION W/ fam expectations??
Food, grandkids, etc. PANICKED obedience, forced, utter denial of any self-honesty


noticed today, the girl angry at murphy is NOT the angry brown jess OR triple
she's MENTIONED IN 2015 i think.

"i'm not a good nousfoni"


-------------------------------------------

AMOR ET SACRIFICIUM = ribbons!!!!!!
SELF LUMINOUS

Formshift cores, like jewels. EXPLORE.
Apprenticeship, heartspace, leaguespace, outspace
OUR "NEODYMIUM"

"SXUALITY" COLORS. from old entries. different vibes & applications, never explained.
black, red, pink, Cerise. ORANGE?
FEEL OUT AND DESCRIBE

HEART TOUCHES ARE SAFE AND HOLY AGAIN!!!
(YOU NOT DISCONNECTED)


-------------------------------------------------

the heaviest thing today = talking about sxuallity with the arrows, on messenger.
our moral stance + daemons + trauma, and their innocent human painless experience.
both of us discussing childhood with this.

trigger warning for discussion of sexual topics, including abuse/trauma



what we remember offhand:


Childhood= baths with brother, anatomy difference. Naturally fascinated by difference, parents would NOT talk about this. Passively treated us like a threat to them.
We were weirdly obsessed for a while? Bizarrely, NO conception of our own bodies femaleness? Not sure why.
Obsessed with this???

Childlike gender thoughts: girls wore pink ribbons or had eyelashes, boys didn't.

When did the Julie trauma start?
It has SUPER EARLY ROOTS.

First direct instance: in that godforsaken bathroom, age 12, 13? Feel SO young, but not a child. Remembering, with great fear, hearing Someone talking about how "sex is the best feeling" or something? Praising it as this sublime thing. Terrified, tentatively touched our body there. Immediate sensation shocked and shook us. Nearly cried from this "betrayal," quickly reclothed, thinking "how could Anyone want That," tore door open and immediately memory blacks out. I assume we hid in our room and shook and cried, felt existentially wrecked. No idea Who holds that, but I know they exist.

No clear memory of When Julie started, but l Clear memory of Fearing her. Leaving 6th grade classroom, mentally JEWEL, dreamspace situation to cope with/ feel & reason out fearful situation possibilities. Imagining being in some public place like a restaurant or bar, but in a side hall where we couldn't be seen, felt isolated and trapped? Cerise intimate vibe but Corrupt. Guys AND girls (ratio??) trying to "get with us." NOTABLE ABUSIVE MANNERISMS. We had NO conception of healthy flirting OR relationships? Literally EVERYONE in those imaginings saw us as an object. "You're pretty, I want to have sex with you, then never see each other again." But that sex was Also Going to be traumatic. THEREFORE, JULIE WOULD SWITCH OUT. Literally. Our BIGGEST FEAR at that age was someone Actually hitting on us, our panicked terror making us Shut Down, and Julie being triggered out to "fight fire with fire." (That feels weirdly tied to our family teachings? Think on this.) So she'd play along, lasciviously flirting right back, and then when they inevitably ended up in bed, she'd Destroy them. Instead of them using us, she'd use Them, and then some. Our brain Never wanted to, or could, imagine what would happen To that victim afterwards. That, too, speaks volumes as to Julie's mindset-- AND OURS-- back then: there Was no after. If We had just experienced that, we'd be dead. So we/Julie both, for different reasons, failed to comprehend the very idea of After. But she took it in that there were no lasting consequences to what she did... because of dissociation. That's how WE worked. So we projected. But even then, we Knew that it was wrong, and it WOULD continue in the physical, albeit almost incredulously. (We struggled to imagine Time after rape.) And the thought of that made us avoid any and all sexual threats.

 


(left unfinished. this is too disturbing to talk about anymore)


090717

Sep. 7th, 2017 08:01 pm
prismaticbleed: (Default)


thursday sept 7 11:11 pm


omelette breakfast!

DRIVING to the store to buy soap.
starbucks!

talking religious stuff with mason & ollie

reblogging realm stuff on tumblr.

SCOTTISH ACCENTS.

cardiophagy.

kissing will never be the same.
sexuality will never be the same.

lips feel and taste like heart muscle.
sexual contact feels just like touching it.
infi kept running hir fingers over and through and into it as we held it in the sink,
under the water no less.
jay kept just stroking it. feeling the muscle striation, the strength of it, the lingering life.
it was an absolute religious experience. it was an absolute intimate experience.
jay ate it in his "anubis" form, cofronting with infi.
biting into it, tearing at some points, but ALWAYS so deeply shakingly reverent.
taking it into our own body. life feeding life. more sacred sexuality right there.
just… eating a HEART. it was utterly sacrosanct. we ate the entire thing.
blood running down our arm. the tendons in our teeth. the aorta on our tongue. dear god.

no fear at all today

laurie talking to oliver on the porch; HOLDING A SOUL FORM????????
mentioning nexus, "ddi" thing, HER resonance with Black being TIED TO THAT
jay and the "j" / "jewel" TITLE-NAME thing; "expansive" sense; fluidity?
GOLD HEART & BLOOD = INCORRUPTIBLE ANCHOR. can hold ANY form like that.
mentioning chaos's blue resonance? celebi too, with green!
talking about color vibes; red and black notably.

infi talking to oliver on the porch for hours.
the HEART EATING thing.
got REALLY "BLACK" talking about that, good lord.
LOTS OF EYES.

"MISSION" bit. shocked but honored and profoundly touched by it.

"can you see my dark side"

ollie was trembling again. infi was so deeply moved.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




This is resonating with Somewhere in Headspace so hard, but we’ve Never seen anything like it before, save hints of such in the chthonic levels (all those lava tubes). I have a feeling there’s a LOT more to our innerverse than we ever imagined. It’s an exciting thought.





#orange #orange realms #brown #brown realms #theres a lot of bleedover between the orange and brown realms #we are still trying to figure out how exactly they coexist




#damaged girl #this is vibing hard with someone #which is unexpected #not quite ashen #she's not resonant with blood #and lace braids isn't either #although we do have to find her again #so you never know #maybe she is vibing with this and we just don't know her well enough to tell #we shall see #nousfoni resonance #white #blood #feminine forms #water #black




#color healing #feelings to transmute #brown #string lightbulbs like that cause kneejerk panic & nausea #dry harvest grass and hay like that causes a kneejerk panic reaction #that needs to be healed for the sake of the amber spectrum





#rainbows #jay's aesthetic #oh my heart #white #this hits me hard #this has both the white plague vibes and the spectrum pure-color vibes #so this is literal visual hope




"the brightest of all the colors"
#a clairvoyant once told us our eyes were like this #wide open and keenly perceptive of similar otherrealm things #and deeply glowing golden in hue #she also said our ethereal vibe-presence was like a whale #huge and powerfully gentle and enigmatic and ancient-hearted #we surprisingly relate so strongly to whales #yet another reason why Dishonored resonates so heart-deep with us #and which is what the indigo cast of this also makes us think of #all in all good photo #thanks for the thoughts #musings #jay's post #oh yes and is that a fitting caption or what #gold #indigo

prismaticbleed: (Default)



entry for yesterday.

therapy on monday:
"middle number" emotions are warning signs!
told her we don't normally feel any negative emotions higher than a 1-2.
if we do, let's say they hit a 4, then they will RAPIDLY escalate to a 9-10 within minutes!
this is because those emotions only occur when there is a greater reason beneath them. they are a perfect sign that there's something that NEEDS to be done or discussed or dealt with. it cannot be ignored when the numbers get that high.
therapist agreed with that.

"doublethink" concept? she said it was the concept of SECOND GUESSING something we know, completely, because someone else was insisting that thing was the exact opposite.
this is BIG for us with spiritual things. we have, through solid long-term effort and soul-searching and such, figured out WHAT WORKS and what resonates with us clearly, even if that thing may shift over time. WE KNOW.
however if someone from outside claiming they "know better" tells us the TOTAL OPPOSITE of what we know for ourself, we will have that knee-jerk fear reaction of "what if they're right" and as a result we will, effectively, hold BOTH those utterly conflicting mindsets at once.
but the therapist said the biggest problem here was that we were acting on the second guesses, no matter how "wrong" they felt or how sick they made us.
we are well aware this is a problem that still isn't solved. it requires a metric heckton of personal faith and trust, which is admittedly difficult to hold on to when you've been taught all your life that "other people will always know the truth better than you." it taints our life with fear and we do need to talk about that more in-depth with her.


talking to laurie/ cz that night:
"always looks better on paper" concept, HUGELY relevant to our longterm struggles.
i forget what the example was
but it was the idea that, we're always so enamored with concepts, everything is an IDEA, and it works perfectly and makes total sense and meshes with our beliefs/ morals/ etc. and it's fine until we actually try to put it into practice. then it crashes and burns.
this ties into the "doublethink" thing, i would say? very well. because we might have an understanding of one thing which is totally different than what other people say that thing is... the "understanding" versus the "action." on paper and off paper. and we get confused and consider both sides legitimate and it's a mess.
but. at least we realize now that the "off paper" things are NOT GOOD for the most part. that's like a rule of thumb with this.

i also remember there was some sort of odd realization when talking to cz, body heart vs inner heart?
tied to the "on paper" thing too.
body heart = physical and we were actually depersonalized from it? not sure if this is a response to past trauma, or if this happened before and we never noticed. anyway it's safe when it's NOT OURS. only when it's a thing we can feel/ hear/ etc. not when it's something tied up in "who we are." does that make sense?
jay trying to figure out what a "heart" would feel like personally then, on the inside. said it wasn't even an organ, more of an energy center, very much an intuitive thing so words don't really work. but the image is like a really bright sphere, kind of moving light like sunlight on water. or underwater. and that sort of sunlight glow, not like lamplight. very bright but not blinding or upsetting or harsh. also jay's very "expansive" despite his preoccupation with structure/order, the sense of the "heart" is that is is in a spherical area in the chest but it's much bigger. expands out from the body, like a wash of atmosphere. like it fills up the room. but he does too, he's still uncomfortable with holding a solid form for long.
in other news he's been more genuine with himself lately, when he gets positively overwhelmed he just lets his form shift as it will, usually gets less human, more teeth and eyes and melty structure and feathers. people are amusingly used to it already.



prismaticbleed: (Default)
SESSION PARTICIPANTS
LAURIE UBERICH JEWEL LIGHTRAYE LEON KIASI LYNNE STABELLE JOSEPHINA BELLAMEIRE CHAOS ZERO




I'm absolutely miserable right now. Why does this keep happening?

Beats me. I'm just psyched that we're talking for once. It's probably Julie making you miserable, but God knows that witch is the source of most of our problems the way it is.

Wow, uh... you type better than I do.

Heh, awesome. Oh yeah, and to all you nonexistent readers, we have a new guy.

Do I just... how does this work?

You just talk. The kid writes it down.

Oh, okay. ...Hello then.

I swear, you are way too bloody paranoid. Lynne, you in here?

Yep. I heard we were typing.

Sure are. Jo's here too... what about the blue guy?

Do you want me to go get him?

Hold up. J, what's the verdict?

He needs to be in here, considering what's been going on lately.

Well, considering what's been going on lately, we should get your boss in here too.

No, don't bother him. I'll fill him in later. Right now it's just us... six?

Yeah, the number went up.

Jewel, I thought you were off to type today? What's up?

I'm not feeling so well, especially with all the sudden new hacking methods.

Wait, new methods?

Yeah, that filthy slut is shadowguising.

That's not good.

No, it sure as hell is not.

So I might not even realize I'm being hacked. She's using harmless or innocent things as cover to keep me distracted, but... well, you all know what happens.

Unfortunately, yeah.

What can we do?..

Don't ever give up, that's what. Also, Chaos, looks like you're not the only blue dude around anymore.

Hey, you're blue enough yourself.

Yeah, but Leon's like, really freakin' blue. Anyway, J, what's up for discussion?

Well, first off, I want to finish the topics we left open back in October.

It's been that long?

Yeah. I apologize; I'm trying very hard to get into a channeling mood but I'm getting... well, besides the constant family distractions, I think I just got slammed by the pain train.

Yeah, you kinda did.

Are you going to be all right?

Yes and no. As usual.

I still say we need to get started on talking.

True. What's the point we need to pick up?

Uh... let me see if I can find the original paper... geez, I can't seem to find it.

Then don't worry about it. We'll go by the previous entry.

All right. Then uh... oh no. No no no.

What's wrong?

Mom just walked in the door.

Damn. That's a red alert for sure. Here, I'll tell you what. Bring up Ryuichi on iTunes and let's dive into this.

Okay.

Aiite. First aspect was the joy vs sadness issue, and how you interpret them differently.

Oh. Okay. I think we covered that pretty well, but there were a few... odd points I didn't go into depth on.

Such as?

The, um... the fact that I feel the most positive emotions as pain, and that for whatever reason, love and pain are inherently connected to me.

I think you just explained why.

Yeah, maybe, but... it doesn't explain why everything hurts so much all the time.

Which sort? Good or bad pain?

Both.

Yeah, that seems typical for you.

That is interesting.

But it explains a lot.

Let's backtrack a bit. You mentioned that 'normal' happiness, the optimistic kind, blinds you and feels selfish, right?

Right.

And you said that your sort of happiness is not self-oriented, and that you seem to 'live on positive pain.'

Oh, so I did say that already.

Yes, but you didn't elaborate on the love+pain thing. Sure, it seems self-explanatory when you say that love is a cause of positive pain the way it is, but then look at you and me.

Wait, what?

Seriously, Chaos. You and J have the positive sort. He and I, though, throw in the negative.

And that's what's confusing me, because I'm not realizing that Laurie's delivery of the negative is actually positive, so I let uncaring people take advantage of me, and... I'm making this all sound really confusing, aren't I?

No, I get it. Not... most people aren't like Laurie.

Heh, true that.

Exactly. But I assume the best in people, even in my paranoia. So... it's taking a real toll on how I deal with people. I look for positive pain, as that's what holds things together for me, but people don't seem to understand that and often things take a sharp turn for the worse. Then I unintentionally end up hurting people, and they end up hurting me, whether they mean to or not... bottom line is, in all of my relationships with people downstairs, there is a ridiculous amount of negative pain, and I think I'm unable to realize that during said situations. I let people hurt me, and sometimes I even go as far as forcing them to hurt me, because I'm so desperate for something 'true' that I can't tell what sort of pain I'm getting.

Ohhh, now I see. That's what the summer was about, a bit.

Yeah. It's... distressing, to say the least. But let's not talk about that... there's really nothing else I can say on either of those points.

It still needs to be dealt with.

Did anyone else realize that three of us here have L names? It gets really bloody confusing.

There goes the fourth wall, Laurie. Good job.

Pff, like I give a shank about the walls.

Back on topic, guys.

Fine. You sure there's nothing we can do here about the pain thing?

What can we do? It's a misinterpretation problem.

It's a straight-up addiction problem is what it is. You're a tragic character, that's canon already. But you're addicted to tragedy. You breathe sorrow, you see agony.

I eat pain?

Bumper cars. Score.

No one is going to get that reference, you guys.

If they do then they win the internet.

True. Anyway, as I said. It's hard enough for you to form relationships of any caliber, but when you throw in the pain thing, things double in difficulty. Maybe they even quadruple. But as soon as you become connected to someone, the pain addiction kicks in. And if they don't give you any of that pain in the form of truth, love or depth, you start to force it. And that's when things fall through.

Is that the problem with losing people, then?

Partly. Actually, it's probably a hell of a big part of it. J?

That makes sense... I always figured it was because I tend to avoid people I don't know or feel any synchronicity with, because there would be little or no chance for any lasting connection anyway... but that only explains my lack of any social life. It doesn't explain why, when I do get a good connection, it still doesn't seem to last.

Maybe they're just incompatible with the pain.

...Maybe. That might be it.

Which is pretty sad, considering it's what you need.

Yeah. It is.

...

Hey, Chaos, you're good. Don't ever worry about that.

Believe me, I know. I'm just worried about you.

Oh.

As always, dare I say?

Heh, sure.

What's the next point, guys? We kind of covered that one, like, three times.

Next one is the explanation of Jewel's view of 'faith.'

Geez, that's a big one.

Thank God you have your flash drive plugged in. Bring up the basics.

Wait, are you serious?

Course I'm serious.

Yeah, I may have been raised Catholic, and I still hold onto that entirely, but I've been using the term "Lumineist" lately as I grapple with all the troubles in popular Christianity.

And what is that term?

It's a makeshift term for a follower of the Light; "Lumine" is Light in Latin. Jewel Monsters don't really have a general term for it that I'm aware of, so...

Ohhh, I was wondering why they all had that listed as their religion. Okay.

Yeah, because I'm not sure how to write literal Christianity into their world without messing things up, on both sides-- it's too serious a thing to risk misrepresenting, and I'm starting to worry that I don't actually understand the "source material" well enough in the first place. See, lately I've been facing a ton of obstacles concerning religion and spirituality in general. I've received some rather disturbing online retorts to my own opinions of faith, which I've been meaning to write about in my Blurty, but haven't yet... either way, I think it would be good to discuss those here as well.

Which ones? All three or just the one about the fanatics?

Just that one, I think.

Can you explain the context for these 'retorts?' I'm not too sure what we're working with.

Well, to be blunt, I took the risk of commenting on a controversial vid on Youtube. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but there are some nasty lurkers on that site.

What was the controversy?

It was about that Shirley Phelps woman. Someone said that she was the 'perfect example of a Christian,' which is absolutely incorrect. I said that you can't preach hatred and bigotry and claim that it's 'God's will,' as that's going against the very core of Christianity, and that she was only being ignorant to that. However, I got a reply from the original poster claiming that I am 'not a true Christian,' BECAUSE I believe in living through love, charity, and other like virtues.

That's outright ridiculous.

I know. They said that it was 'cherry picking,' that I had ignored the vengeance of God in the Old Testament and the like. Not only were they assuming that incorrectly, but I think they were misinterpreting something called justice. As I've said many times before, mercy and forgiveness are absolutely vital, but so is keeping righteousness alive. Evil deeds need to be atoned for. I am going to do some serious re-reading of the entire OT just in case, though. But you see my point?

Yeah. It's kind of sick how people are using religion as a way to justify acting on vices.

Oh, on that point. I made a comment on a different video, one in which there was a ton of LGBT hatred going on, and I simply said 'when did God ever promote hatred?' Because, as far as I'm aware, he didn't. However, as I should have expected, I got a reply from someone claiming that 'God is all about hating and killing.' That really upset me, to say the absolute least.

Sheesh, I can see why it would.

So, about my view of faith in opposition to views like that... regardless of what those people say, my faith revolves around virtue: love, justice, mercy, understanding, generosity, wisdom. There's no place for prejudice, hatred or selfishness in my belief system... and really, it's what I've followed all my life. It's also why I don't get hopeless when stuff gets bad, either. It's the reason behind most of what I do, who am I kidding?

It's also why you get so upset when people say 'religion is evil,' it seems.

Definitely. Religion isn't evil in and of itself; blind fanaticism is. Religion should never promote hatred or the like, as I've already mentioned. The only way a religion could be inherently evil would be if it were based on evil, and I don't support that because I feel it goes against what life should truly be. If God is love, and religion is supposed to point to God, then religion should also be saturated with love. Also, people don't necessarily need to belong to a formal religion to be good people, but I think their hearts are headed in that same direction, for that same reason. So there you go. I think I've said enough for now; otherwise I'm going to end up rambling like a madman.

Hey, your explanations sounds good to me. No worries there.

I agree... it also helps me understand better why you dislike Julie so much.

Well no kidding! No one should like her, period. There's no excuse for that sort of behavior.

No, there isn't.

Oh, um... the next point is another really complicated one.

Which one is that?

The heart point. It gets really, really abstract.

Well, get to it.

Hey, the prompt said you understand it better than I do, so you start this one.

Heh, fine. Bottom line: you've been misunderstanding it for way too bloody long.

Misunderstanding it? How so?

Easy. Like the emotion point, J's comprehension of it is entirely different from the norm. Honestly, when someone mentions anything having to do with the heart, what do you think? Emotions or the physical organ, right?

I guess so, yeah.

Well, the kid doesn't think that. But, up until the summer, he didn't realize that his view was so different. That 'emotional rape' he mentioned last time was because people were going about 'understanding' him, and this point by extension, in an entirely inaccurate way.

Yeah, and it hurt. See, for me, 'heart' and 'soul' are practically synonymous, in that they both refer to a non-physical aspect of oneself that is not only incredibly and ineffably personal, but also an irreplaceable aspect of every individual. Also, I view logic and emotion as being inherently connected, so.

I can see the disconnect there.

The worst part, though, is that during the summer, people kept treating it as a physical and non-personal aspect. So he got really screwed up.

To say the very least.

And now, Julie's jumped on that as a way to hack me, so I have to practically cut myself off from it in all aspects but the spiritual, which destroys a lot of the positive coping methods I instilled in my childhood.

Ouch. She just keeps getting worse.

Yeah, no kidding. That it for that point, kid?

I think it's all I can really say, yeah. Otherwise I'm going to end up going off on another J-Monster tangent.

Heh, no problem. Next point is... uh, I think we've covered everything.

That was it?

Looks like it. Oh, and you and I finally see eye-to-eye on the atonement point.

Yeah, that's an important thing to mention.

So wait, you two don't argue anymore, then?

They used to argue?

Yeah, we used to argue all the time in these things. Wasn't until the graves started... piling up, that he saw my point.

I hate to admit it, but Laurie was in the right. Sorry about that.

Heheheh.

Let me see if there's anything else I want to discuss while we're here...

We were supposed to discuss Leon, if you already forgot.

We were?

Yeah, we were. Ladies and gentlemen and everyone outside the binary, we have a new headvoice.

He's not exactly 'new,' Laurie.

Hey, you weren't even around when he first showed up, so he's new to you. But yeah, he's stuck with us now.

It's better than being dead.

True.

...

So Leon over there first showed up back in April, which some of you nonexistent readers may remember, but we weren't too happy about it. He was a jittery gambling addict and spend most of his time taking absolutely ridiculous chances. It was screwing with J's head, so I basically took care of it.

You killed me off, that's what.

Hey, you're one heck of a skinny dude the way it is. Cut off your lifeline and you won't last very long; that's obvious. Either way, yeah, you died, but then last Wednesday you decided to show your bony face again and we all flipped out.

It was because I started taking positive risks, though.

That AND the big negative ones, mind you. You think the summer didn't contribute to his coming back? Sheesh, kid, that was the biggest gamble of your entire life. But, you did learn a heck of a lot from it, so all the positive fallout probably played a major part in his... switching sides, so to speak.

I was never on Julie's side, I swear.

Listen, I don't care if you say you were or not; you were actively contributing to a negative influence, and anyone who does that is on Julie's side. If you're not with us, you're against us.

That makes sense, considering Jewel's headspace.

Well, no kidding. So I gave him a week to shape up or ship out, and through some sort of bizarre miracle he managed to pull through. Now here he is, ta-da. Brand new paint job.

I don't think I would have made it in time if... if those hacks didn't happen.

Sad but true. They shook us all up.

Why, Leon, how did they affect you?

Well, um, I didn't understand what the problem was with Julie until I saw exactly what she was doing. And I didn't trust Laurie until I saw what she was doing to oppose that... basically it scared me, to see exactly what I would be facing if I stayed, but it scared me even more to think of dying again and not being able to fight that at all.

Plus he has this absolute kickass warping ability, which saved our hides the other night.

It did.

I didn't know I could do that, you know...

So? Lynne didn't know she could create shields until she tried, did she? Lynne?

No, I didn't. I'm sure I could do much more if I put my mind to it, too.

Exactly. You have to try. If you don't at least make an effort, then don't complain when nothing works out for you.

I can attest to that.

Darn straight you can, I would know.

Leon, is there anything else you want to add or do you think we're good for now?

I think we're good for now.

All right. Let me see if there's anything else to-- oh, hey, there's something.

What is it?

Our seventh anniversary is next Thursday.

Oh dude, time flies! Next week already?

Yeah, that's it.

Congratulations, you two.

Hey, don't... don't congratulate us yet, I'm nervous enough the way it is.

Heh, I love how you still get those butterflies after over 2500 days.

I wouldn't say they're butterflies, unless you're making a clever personal reference, in which case they would be. Otherwise I just get... I just get the positive pain thing.

Subaqueous confessions?

Complimentary spectrums and empyreal dissonance alike.

I see one of our past points in there.

In what?

In that poem of yours. You should seriously write another one for next week.

Oh geez, I don't know if I can top that one... um... I guess I can try. I'm more concerned about the artwork that needs to be done, though.

Design fixing, am I right?

You are so right. I swear you are effing gorgeous. If I can get you on paper then we're set.

Aren't we supposed to be having a Xanga session?

Yeah, but this is important too.

Don't give me that look, haha. You two are absolute headcases.

You love us for it.

Darn right I do. Seriously though, is there anything else we need to discuss or should we go straight back to the hacking point?

What about it?

The fact that it's now brutal, stealthy, and way too bloody fast. There's not much we can do to fight off that floozy if she's coming after us with a mask and leaving before we realize what's going on.

I know...

Kid, we all know. Sure, you feel guilty, but you're not the only one. You think I'm proud of not being able to sense these threats? God knows I wish we could just kill that slut already!

I'm trying.

I know. And we're making real progress. But so is she.

This is really tearing me up, Laurie.

It's destroying everyone here, Chaos! This is driving me absolutely insane because we are using all of our bloody resources and that blackhearted bitch is STILL getting through security! I mean, for God's sake, who the hell mindrapes someone when they're asleep and defenseless?! This is freaking SICK!

...Maybe that's why Leon came back?

Hey, that's true. You always say there are no coincidences.

Wh-what? What did I do?

...I think it's more what you're going to do. Seriously, backup is backup, and if you have methods she'll never suspect, then so help me, we'll fight her fire with a freakin' volcano.

But I don't-- I don't know how to fight her! I don't even know what she looks like!

I don't care. That bimbo spends most of her time pretending to be other people anyway. All that matters is that you never let down your guard, you keep your eyes open for anything suspicious or unstable, and don't EVER compromise. That's how she gets in.

I wish we could fix that already, too.

Same.

Then fix it!

I'm trying. It's just very difficult, as sad as that is to say.

Don't worry, kid. After this week, I am not letting you out of my sight for a minute. Leon, if you're around him and I'm nowhere to be seen, FIX that. She knows how to get past you, but she can't get through me.

Didn't she try to hack you the other day, though?

She did try. She bloody well did try. But so help me, she won't get away with that.

I think that's what scares me the most about this.

What, her trying to get to me now?

Yeah... she's attacked Genesis, she's tried to use me, and now she's trying to incapacitate you. I don't know how she's getting this... powerful, really.

She's a direct mirror of our positive potential. The stronger we get, the stronger she gets. And she finds extra power everywhere. It's sick but that's the way it goes.

Why?

Hell if I know. Maybe it's just so we don't lose sight of what we're really living for.

She hasn't gone after Lynne or I though, has she? Why's that?

Geez, man, I don't want her going after either of you anyway, but neither of you spend as much time around J as Chaos and I do. Genesis too, really. She figures that, if she can corrupt the people he's closest to, then bam, there goes the floor!

So it's better if we stay at a distance?

A small one. Stay close enough to help, but don't get as involved as I am unless I give you the green light.

Laurie, I don't think anyone can top your involvement even if they tried.

What, even you?

Yeah, even me. Admit it; you don't have the extra ties that I do, and for whatever reason, we both know that he lets you get closer because of it.

I don't think it's a matter of extra ties, Chaos. We just have different sorts.

Yeah, the both of you really have the same amount of strings.

Heh, good to know.

You know what, Laurie, I think there's much more to you than I've ever realized.

Really now?

Yeah... I was thinking about the whole Virtue/Vice correspondence of you guys, and--

Wait, what's this now? Headvoices don't have V/Vs, do they?

Not in the J-Monster aspect, no, but I think they do carry certain aspects regardless. I mean, if you think about it, it's almost shockingly obvious. Julie is Lust, Jessica was Sloth, Missy is Greed, Bridget is Pride...

Wow, that... actually works.

And that weird manic red voice that attacked me in 2008 would be Wrath. I really hope she never comes back.

Then watch your red temper. Leon had a longer life than she did at first, but man, whoever she was, I do not want her around.

I don't either.

So... if those guys have vices, then do we have virtues or what?

Yeah, but I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out which ones. I'm going by the 7 Heavenly Virtues, to correspond with the Deadly Sins, so.

Wait, then who has Gluttony and Envy?

No one that I'm aware of, and I hope it stays that way. I remember Gluttony was forming a few years back, but we managed to fix that situation before they could personify.

Keep it that way.

I know.

And you've never had a problem with Envy, so that's one vice we might not have to worry about fighting.

True... I hope not.

What are the 7 Heavenly Virtues, though?

Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience, Humility, and Kindness. Out of those, Leon is definitely Temperance, and Natalie was most likely Kindness, so...

What would I be?

Jo, you'd be Diligence, as you're always so determined in seeking the truth. You don't like it when anyone slacks off. As for Lynne, I'm not sure what you'd be... I think Humility works, as you've never shown an ounce of arrogance that I'm aware of.

Thank you.

The other ones are what's odd, though. I think Spine is Patience.

What? Spine? I thought she was negative!

Only because she applies to my self-image. But, considering the battle we've been fighting concerning that, I think Patience is a fitting virtue for her.

Huh. That is interesting.

I know. So I'm going to see if I can find her and talk to her soon, and maybe get her on our side. She's never really seemed to be 'affiliated' with anyone, but considering what Laurie said earlier... allies are allies.

True.

Who's Spine?

Spine is this... really weird looking creature that's up here with us. I've never really called her a 'headvoice' because she's never actively spoken to anyone, but she is definitely around, and she definitely has an important influence on me regardless.

Wait, Spine isn't humanoid?

She is, but only in shape. She looks like a monster or demon more than anything... but she's all skeleton. There isn't an ounce of skin on her.

Whoa.

I've seen her. She's seriously creepy. You sure you can get her to sympathize with us?

Considering the fact that Julie doesn't care whether anyone but herself benefits from her actions? Sure. Remember, we all bleed together, and I'm sure Spine is feeling more than she lets on, what with her inexplicable connection to my physical self.

So that leaves... two virtues unassigned. Chastity and Charity.

Laurie, I think those are yours.

Heh.

Both of them? Seriously?

Come on guys, she's Julie's biggest enemy, and can't be hacked as far as we can tell, which automatically gives her Chastity... and as for Charity, I think I can attest to that one.

Still, two virtues?

I think she deserves them.

Laurie, you are being frighteningly quiet.

Just letting the kid talk is all.

But... that's what I meant about there being more to you than you let on. I mean, really, no one but me would ever put your name next to the virtue of Charity, but it fits.

Don't judge a book by it's cover, that's what I always say.

I know. Still, it's interesting to think about, considering how I've known you for four years now.

You've known Chaos for 7 years and you don't know everything about him either.

Sure, but geez, you know more about him than I do, even with a three year time gap.

Hm.

Well, you do.

I didn't say I didn't.

So, um... anything else you guys want to cover, again? Or is that it for today.

I think we're good. You guys can go.

Who, us?

Yeah. You and Lynne take Leon and keep an eye out for any warning signs. Fill him in on anything he's missed, too.

Kay, see you.

All right, if you say so.

I, uh, thanks. I'll help as much as I can.

You'd better. See you guys later.

Laurie?

Yeah?

You don't... seem like yourself.

What, 'cause I'm not freakin' swearing? Am I not allowed to show another side of my personality every now and then? Geez, Chaos. Come on.

No, it's not that. You just... when Jewel started talking about how he felt there was more to you than you let on, you pretty much just stopped talking.

I'm allowed to be silent.

That's not what I mean. I mean it seems like you are hiding something.

Maybe I am. Maybe I don't exactly feel comfortable discussing that with everyone in the room.

But they're headvoices too?

Doesn't matter, not with this. Sure, I care about them, but you two are different. You're not just co-workers or siblings. I trust you a hell of a lot more than I do them.

Seriously?

Yeah, seriously. Why else do you think I don't bring Josephina when we're discussing hacks? Why do you think we're the only people around when we're trying to keep things together? This is different. We all might bleed together in the community sense, but when it gets down to the blood and bones themselves, it's just the three of us whose hearts are aching from all the hell Julie keeps putting us through. Chaos is right; it's not about seniority, and it's not about job status either. This is about something far more important than either of those aspects will ever be, and so help me God, but I won't lose this if it kills me.

...Guess Jewel was right.

Don't give me that, of course he is. He knows that. You remember when we used to be the only ones talking here, right?

Yeah. I miss that, actually.

It's because of those that we have what we have. It wasn't until Chaos decided to see me as more than an axe-swinging maniac that he realized it either.

But... I always trusted you. Even when it was only me. Even when you still hated me.

That's my bloody point. That's the connection I'm talking about. It's not something you can predict or measure. It's also why I was so freakin' paranoid when Leon showed up, because you said you couldn't identify with him.

I'm starting to warm up to him a little more now.

Sure, but you will never have with him what you do with me, and the same goes for Lynne and Josephina.

So, uh... then what does it mean when J says that he feels he doesn't entirely know you?

He doesn't. I've been one secretive sonofagun since 2006. Jewel tells me every bloody detail of his life, pun intended, and sure, I'll listen and help him as well as I possibly can, but do I ever tell him that much about myself in return? Heck no. So he's not going to know as much as he can, but that's not his fault.

Why are you so secretive, then? Not that I'm complaining, but I'm curious.

Because no one ever cared but you. Not when everything started out. It wasn't even until late 2009 that Chaos even considered that 'hey, maybe that violet brute isn't so bad after all!' I was alone, just like you. But... I never really told you much. I'm sorry about that, kid, but it was for your own good.

How so?

Come on... if I told you every last detail about me, then all the more power to Julie. How the hell else do you think she used to disguise as Chaos? That satanic slut USED the both of you, used everything she could find!! She doesn't know a bloody thing about me and I hope to keep it that way. I'm sorry. If we can ever defeat her, if we can ever freaking kill that demon, then maybe I'll tell you. Until then... this is all you get.

Damn, Laurie, you're a lot deeper than I thought you were.

What, did you think I was one-dimensional or something? I'm not a figment, and neither are you. Watch your mouth, by the way. I'm the only one with swearing rights.

Yeah, I know. Sorry...

No problem. The figment comment kind of hurt, huh?

...

Thought it would. Needed to be said, though.

Laurie, um...

What?

...I don't know. I'm just really sad again is all.

Well, I can understand why.

Hey, life's tough. We've got a new therapist coming up on Monday. If that goes well, then great. If it doesn't, then we'll just find another one. We can't give up, or we'll lose for sure.

I noticed you've been saying that a lot.

'Don't give up?' It's true. Once you stop caring about something, or stop doing anything about it, then hell, you've lost all chances of ever winning. I've said many times that I'll fight until the day I die and I mean that.

And I don't want you to die, either.

Kid, God willing we'll all go down together. I don't think any of us want to see each other die.

Geez, never.

And we've come close...

Yeah. Too close.

...

Nng, I don't know if I can handle this disconnect much longer.

Which one?

The big one. The inner-outer conflict. The reason why I can't stand mirrors.

I still say you should get a mask like we originally planned to.

Yeah, I think so too...

Are you doing all right?

See, I think that's the problem. I always say 'yes and no,' but... well, I always have these hacking problems to worry about, but then I have you guys, so... so I don't know.

You're doing just well enough.

I suppose so... I just love you guys so much...

I know.

...

I just... I want to be me, and that's it. I want to be true on the outside for once. I'm sick and tired of people telling me what I can and cannot be, just because I don't fit their preconceived or programmed notions of something. And I'm never going to escape that, that I know for sure... but that doesn't change me. That doesn't change what's real and right. I just want to... to live, for once in my life.

Kid, if I could help you achieve that, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I know you would.

I'm with the blue guy.

Man... is it weird that, no matter how badly this hurts, I look for it?

We just discussed this, you tragic maniac. You run on heartache.

Heh, yeah, I guess so. It's sad though.

Beautiful melodies telling you terrible things, is it?

Mm-hm.

...Man, it's times like this I regret my decision the most...

What do you mean?

Keeping silent.

Laurie, I think you're more tragic than you let on, too.

Well no kidding, Chaos! You're in the same boat, if you forgot.

No, I didn't forget that. I couldn't possibly forget it.

Failure, Catharsis and Chaos, huh?

That's one heck of a trio.

Except Vices have to fight their attributes, so...

Victory, Catharsis and Creation.

I like that.

Catharsis hurts both ways, I suppose.

It does.

Laurie, if you ever get a Jewel Form, I swear it would be the coolest thing ever.

Nah, man, you're at least 500 times cooler than I am already.

Aw, that's not true. You're both awesome.

Hey, stupid question.

Yeah?

Is this that Vitas guy you're listening to right now?

Yep... 'Angel Without A Wing.' Beautiful stuff, isn't it?

I want to know why you've had this one song of his on loop for the past two days, though. You don't do that unless it means something. Give me the lyrics.

What, right here?

Sure, we have time to spare. I'd rather talk as long as possible anyway.

Okay, um... "I am returning to my childhood. I see the days flying back. I am breaking my heart; it is painful to walk all alone. I am like an angel without a wing. Why did you hurt me? Among the stars, the flows of tears were blown away by the wind. Though there are shivers on my skin, my tears are glittering with light. You should know I'll remain the same - A pure angel from heaven. I am like an angel without a wing. Why did you hurt me? Among the stars, the flows of tears were blown away by the wind."

Told you it was relevant.

That's... geez, kid, how do you find songs that fit your life so well?

Hey, no coincidences.

None at all.

Laurie, um, do you want to keep talking or what?

That depends, why?

Because it's already 6PM and I only have three hours before I need to sleep, so I'd like to maybe get some typing or sketching in.

Sketching. If you sketch, I'll let you close this up.

I know it's tough, but maybe if you start off slow again, we can get this fixed.

Oh yeah, and 'Green Eyes' by Coldplay.

What?

Fits. The lyrics, rather. It's like a sequel to 'Living.'

Oh, dude, Jewel told me about that! Is it really that bad?

"Green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find; and anyone who tried to deny you must be out of their mind..." yeah, it's that bad.

Wow. That's... wow. That's actually kind of hilarious.

Guys?

Yeah, sketching. Get to it. You have an actual deadline this time, remember.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that. Seven years.

They've been a really important seven years, you know.

Yeah, I do. I do.

Rifle recoil.

Ffff--- don't go there, kid, not while we're online.

Heheheh!

Watch out, Laurie, or I'll get you too.

He will. This kid knows his way around.

Believe me, I know it.

Should we take bets on how long it's going to take to close up this time?

I think that's more of Leon's thing.

True that!

Well, I have 35 seconds left on this song, so...

Oh shoot, we need a good closing line in 20 seconds. Chaos?

What, what am I going to say?

See you next week?

Same time, same channel.

That is way too accurate.

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