lucky sevens

[prismaticbleed]

SESSION PARTICIPANTS
LAURIE UBERICH JEWEL LIGHTRAYE LEON KIASI LYNNE STABELLE JOSEPHINA BELLAMEIRE CHAOS ZERO




I'm absolutely miserable right now. Why does this keep happening?

Beats me. I'm just psyched that we're talking for once. It's probably Julie making you miserable, but God knows that witch is the source of most of our problems the way it is.

Wow, uh... you type better than I do.

Heh, awesome. Oh yeah, and to all you nonexistent readers, we have a new guy.

Do I just... how does this work?

You just talk. The kid writes it down.

Oh, okay. ...Hello then.

I swear, you are way too bloody paranoid. Lynne, you in here?

Yep. I heard we were typing.

Sure are. Jo's here too... what about the blue guy?

Do you want me to go get him?

Hold up. J, what's the verdict?

He needs to be in here, considering what's been going on lately.

Well, considering what's been going on lately, we should get your boss in here too.

No, don't bother him. I'll fill him in later. Right now it's just us... six?

Yeah, the number went up.

Jewel, I thought you were off to type today? What's up?

I'm not feeling so well, especially with all the sudden new hacking methods.

Wait, new methods?

Yeah, that filthy slut is shadowguising.

That's not good.

No, it sure as hell is not.

So I might not even realize I'm being hacked. She's using harmless or innocent things as cover to keep me distracted, but... well, you all know what happens.

Unfortunately, yeah.

What can we do?..

Don't ever give up, that's what. Also, Chaos, looks like you're not the only blue dude around anymore.

Hey, you're blue enough yourself.

Yeah, but Leon's like, really freakin' blue. Anyway, J, what's up for discussion?

Well, first off, I want to finish the topics we left open back in October.

It's been that long?

Yeah. I apologize; I'm trying very hard to get into a channeling mood but I'm getting... well, besides the constant family distractions, I think I just got slammed by the pain train.

Yeah, you kinda did.

Are you going to be all right?

Yes and no. As usual.

I still say we need to get started on talking.

True. What's the point we need to pick up?

Uh... let me see if I can find the original paper... geez, I can't seem to find it.

Then don't worry about it. We'll go by the previous entry.

All right. Then uh... oh no. No no no.

What's wrong?

Mom just walked in the door.

Damn. That's a red alert for sure. Here, I'll tell you what. Bring up Ryuichi on iTunes and let's dive into this.

Okay.

Aiite. First aspect was the joy vs sadness issue, and how you interpret them differently.

Oh. Okay. I think we covered that pretty well, but there were a few... odd points I didn't go into depth on.

Such as?

The, um... the fact that I feel the most positive emotions as pain, and that for whatever reason, love and pain are inherently connected to me.

I think you just explained why.

Yeah, maybe, but... it doesn't explain why everything hurts so much all the time.

Which sort? Good or bad pain?

Both.

Yeah, that seems typical for you.

That is interesting.

But it explains a lot.

Let's backtrack a bit. You mentioned that 'normal' happiness, the optimistic kind, blinds you and feels selfish, right?

Right.

And you said that your sort of happiness is not self-oriented, and that you seem to 'live on positive pain.'

Oh, so I did say that already.

Yes, but you didn't elaborate on the love+pain thing. Sure, it seems self-explanatory when you say that love is a cause of positive pain the way it is, but then look at you and me.

Wait, what?

Seriously, Chaos. You and J have the positive sort. He and I, though, throw in the negative.

And that's what's confusing me, because I'm not realizing that Laurie's delivery of the negative is actually positive, so I let uncaring people take advantage of me, and... I'm making this all sound really confusing, aren't I?

No, I get it. Not... most people aren't like Laurie.

Heh, true that.

Exactly. But I assume the best in people, even in my paranoia. So... it's taking a real toll on how I deal with people. I look for positive pain, as that's what holds things together for me, but people don't seem to understand that and often things take a sharp turn for the worse. Then I unintentionally end up hurting people, and they end up hurting me, whether they mean to or not... bottom line is, in all of my relationships with people downstairs, there is a ridiculous amount of negative pain, and I think I'm unable to realize that during said situations. I let people hurt me, and sometimes I even go as far as forcing them to hurt me, because I'm so desperate for something 'true' that I can't tell what sort of pain I'm getting.

Ohhh, now I see. That's what the summer was about, a bit.

Yeah. It's... distressing, to say the least. But let's not talk about that... there's really nothing else I can say on either of those points.

It still needs to be dealt with.

Did anyone else realize that three of us here have L names? It gets really bloody confusing.

There goes the fourth wall, Laurie. Good job.

Pff, like I give a shank about the walls.

Back on topic, guys.

Fine. You sure there's nothing we can do here about the pain thing?

What can we do? It's a misinterpretation problem.

It's a straight-up addiction problem is what it is. You're a tragic character, that's canon already. But you're addicted to tragedy. You breathe sorrow, you see agony.

I eat pain?

Bumper cars. Score.

No one is going to get that reference, you guys.

If they do then they win the internet.

True. Anyway, as I said. It's hard enough for you to form relationships of any caliber, but when you throw in the pain thing, things double in difficulty. Maybe they even quadruple. But as soon as you become connected to someone, the pain addiction kicks in. And if they don't give you any of that pain in the form of truth, love or depth, you start to force it. And that's when things fall through.

Is that the problem with losing people, then?

Partly. Actually, it's probably a hell of a big part of it. J?

That makes sense... I always figured it was because I tend to avoid people I don't know or feel any synchronicity with, because there would be little or no chance for any lasting connection anyway... but that only explains my lack of any social life. It doesn't explain why, when I do get a good connection, it still doesn't seem to last.

Maybe they're just incompatible with the pain.

...Maybe. That might be it.

Which is pretty sad, considering it's what you need.

Yeah. It is.

...

Hey, Chaos, you're good. Don't ever worry about that.

Believe me, I know. I'm just worried about you.

Oh.

As always, dare I say?

Heh, sure.

What's the next point, guys? We kind of covered that one, like, three times.

Next one is the explanation of Jewel's view of 'faith.'

Geez, that's a big one.

Thank God you have your flash drive plugged in. Bring up the basics.

Wait, are you serious?

Course I'm serious.

Yeah, I may have been raised Catholic, and I still hold onto that entirely, but I've been using the term "Lumineist" lately as I grapple with all the troubles in popular Christianity.

And what is that term?

It's a makeshift term for a follower of the Light; "Lumine" is Light in Latin. Jewel Monsters don't really have a general term for it that I'm aware of, so...

Ohhh, I was wondering why they all had that listed as their religion. Okay.

Yeah, because I'm not sure how to write literal Christianity into their world without messing things up, on both sides-- it's too serious a thing to risk misrepresenting, and I'm starting to worry that I don't actually understand the "source material" well enough in the first place. See, lately I've been facing a ton of obstacles concerning religion and spirituality in general. I've received some rather disturbing online retorts to my own opinions of faith, which I've been meaning to write about in my Blurty, but haven't yet... either way, I think it would be good to discuss those here as well.

Which ones? All three or just the one about the fanatics?

Just that one, I think.

Can you explain the context for these 'retorts?' I'm not too sure what we're working with.

Well, to be blunt, I took the risk of commenting on a controversial vid on Youtube. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but there are some nasty lurkers on that site.

What was the controversy?

It was about that Shirley Phelps woman. Someone said that she was the 'perfect example of a Christian,' which is absolutely incorrect. I said that you can't preach hatred and bigotry and claim that it's 'God's will,' as that's going against the very core of Christianity, and that she was only being ignorant to that. However, I got a reply from the original poster claiming that I am 'not a true Christian,' BECAUSE I believe in living through love, charity, and other like virtues.

That's outright ridiculous.

I know. They said that it was 'cherry picking,' that I had ignored the vengeance of God in the Old Testament and the like. Not only were they assuming that incorrectly, but I think they were misinterpreting something called justice. As I've said many times before, mercy and forgiveness are absolutely vital, but so is keeping righteousness alive. Evil deeds need to be atoned for. I am going to do some serious re-reading of the entire OT just in case, though. But you see my point?

Yeah. It's kind of sick how people are using religion as a way to justify acting on vices.

Oh, on that point. I made a comment on a different video, one in which there was a ton of LGBT hatred going on, and I simply said 'when did God ever promote hatred?' Because, as far as I'm aware, he didn't. However, as I should have expected, I got a reply from someone claiming that 'God is all about hating and killing.' That really upset me, to say the absolute least.

Sheesh, I can see why it would.

So, about my view of faith in opposition to views like that... regardless of what those people say, my faith revolves around virtue: love, justice, mercy, understanding, generosity, wisdom. There's no place for prejudice, hatred or selfishness in my belief system... and really, it's what I've followed all my life. It's also why I don't get hopeless when stuff gets bad, either. It's the reason behind most of what I do, who am I kidding?

It's also why you get so upset when people say 'religion is evil,' it seems.

Definitely. Religion isn't evil in and of itself; blind fanaticism is. Religion should never promote hatred or the like, as I've already mentioned. The only way a religion could be inherently evil would be if it were based on evil, and I don't support that because I feel it goes against what life should truly be. If God is love, and religion is supposed to point to God, then religion should also be saturated with love. Also, people don't necessarily need to belong to a formal religion to be good people, but I think their hearts are headed in that same direction, for that same reason. So there you go. I think I've said enough for now; otherwise I'm going to end up rambling like a madman.

Hey, your explanations sounds good to me. No worries there.

I agree... it also helps me understand better why you dislike Julie so much.

Well no kidding! No one should like her, period. There's no excuse for that sort of behavior.

No, there isn't.

Oh, um... the next point is another really complicated one.

Which one is that?

The heart point. It gets really, really abstract.

Well, get to it.

Hey, the prompt said you understand it better than I do, so you start this one.

Heh, fine. Bottom line: you've been misunderstanding it for way too bloody long.

Misunderstanding it? How so?

Easy. Like the emotion point, J's comprehension of it is entirely different from the norm. Honestly, when someone mentions anything having to do with the heart, what do you think? Emotions or the physical organ, right?

I guess so, yeah.

Well, the kid doesn't think that. But, up until the summer, he didn't realize that his view was so different. That 'emotional rape' he mentioned last time was because people were going about 'understanding' him, and this point by extension, in an entirely inaccurate way.

Yeah, and it hurt. See, for me, 'heart' and 'soul' are practically synonymous, in that they both refer to a non-physical aspect of oneself that is not only incredibly and ineffably personal, but also an irreplaceable aspect of every individual. Also, I view logic and emotion as being inherently connected, so.

I can see the disconnect there.

The worst part, though, is that during the summer, people kept treating it as a physical and non-personal aspect. So he got really screwed up.

To say the very least.

And now, Julie's jumped on that as a way to hack me, so I have to practically cut myself off from it in all aspects but the spiritual, which destroys a lot of the positive coping methods I instilled in my childhood.

Ouch. She just keeps getting worse.

Yeah, no kidding. That it for that point, kid?

I think it's all I can really say, yeah. Otherwise I'm going to end up going off on another J-Monster tangent.

Heh, no problem. Next point is... uh, I think we've covered everything.

That was it?

Looks like it. Oh, and you and I finally see eye-to-eye on the atonement point.

Yeah, that's an important thing to mention.

So wait, you two don't argue anymore, then?

They used to argue?

Yeah, we used to argue all the time in these things. Wasn't until the graves started... piling up, that he saw my point.

I hate to admit it, but Laurie was in the right. Sorry about that.

Heheheh.

Let me see if there's anything else I want to discuss while we're here...

We were supposed to discuss Leon, if you already forgot.

We were?

Yeah, we were. Ladies and gentlemen and everyone outside the binary, we have a new headvoice.

He's not exactly 'new,' Laurie.

Hey, you weren't even around when he first showed up, so he's new to you. But yeah, he's stuck with us now.

It's better than being dead.

True.

...

So Leon over there first showed up back in April, which some of you nonexistent readers may remember, but we weren't too happy about it. He was a jittery gambling addict and spend most of his time taking absolutely ridiculous chances. It was screwing with J's head, so I basically took care of it.

You killed me off, that's what.

Hey, you're one heck of a skinny dude the way it is. Cut off your lifeline and you won't last very long; that's obvious. Either way, yeah, you died, but then last Wednesday you decided to show your bony face again and we all flipped out.

It was because I started taking positive risks, though.

That AND the big negative ones, mind you. You think the summer didn't contribute to his coming back? Sheesh, kid, that was the biggest gamble of your entire life. But, you did learn a heck of a lot from it, so all the positive fallout probably played a major part in his... switching sides, so to speak.

I was never on Julie's side, I swear.

Listen, I don't care if you say you were or not; you were actively contributing to a negative influence, and anyone who does that is on Julie's side. If you're not with us, you're against us.

That makes sense, considering Jewel's headspace.

Well, no kidding. So I gave him a week to shape up or ship out, and through some sort of bizarre miracle he managed to pull through. Now here he is, ta-da. Brand new paint job.

I don't think I would have made it in time if... if those hacks didn't happen.

Sad but true. They shook us all up.

Why, Leon, how did they affect you?

Well, um, I didn't understand what the problem was with Julie until I saw exactly what she was doing. And I didn't trust Laurie until I saw what she was doing to oppose that... basically it scared me, to see exactly what I would be facing if I stayed, but it scared me even more to think of dying again and not being able to fight that at all.

Plus he has this absolute kickass warping ability, which saved our hides the other night.

It did.

I didn't know I could do that, you know...

So? Lynne didn't know she could create shields until she tried, did she? Lynne?

No, I didn't. I'm sure I could do much more if I put my mind to it, too.

Exactly. You have to try. If you don't at least make an effort, then don't complain when nothing works out for you.

I can attest to that.

Darn straight you can, I would know.

Leon, is there anything else you want to add or do you think we're good for now?

I think we're good for now.

All right. Let me see if there's anything else to-- oh, hey, there's something.

What is it?

Our seventh anniversary is next Thursday.

Oh dude, time flies! Next week already?

Yeah, that's it.

Congratulations, you two.

Hey, don't... don't congratulate us yet, I'm nervous enough the way it is.

Heh, I love how you still get those butterflies after over 2500 days.

I wouldn't say they're butterflies, unless you're making a clever personal reference, in which case they would be. Otherwise I just get... I just get the positive pain thing.

Subaqueous confessions?

Complimentary spectrums and empyreal dissonance alike.

I see one of our past points in there.

In what?

In that poem of yours. You should seriously write another one for next week.

Oh geez, I don't know if I can top that one... um... I guess I can try. I'm more concerned about the artwork that needs to be done, though.

Design fixing, am I right?

You are so right. I swear you are effing gorgeous. If I can get you on paper then we're set.

Aren't we supposed to be having a Xanga session?

Yeah, but this is important too.

Don't give me that look, haha. You two are absolute headcases.

You love us for it.

Darn right I do. Seriously though, is there anything else we need to discuss or should we go straight back to the hacking point?

What about it?

The fact that it's now brutal, stealthy, and way too bloody fast. There's not much we can do to fight off that floozy if she's coming after us with a mask and leaving before we realize what's going on.

I know...

Kid, we all know. Sure, you feel guilty, but you're not the only one. You think I'm proud of not being able to sense these threats? God knows I wish we could just kill that slut already!

I'm trying.

I know. And we're making real progress. But so is she.

This is really tearing me up, Laurie.

It's destroying everyone here, Chaos! This is driving me absolutely insane because we are using all of our bloody resources and that blackhearted bitch is STILL getting through security! I mean, for God's sake, who the hell mindrapes someone when they're asleep and defenseless?! This is freaking SICK!

...Maybe that's why Leon came back?

Hey, that's true. You always say there are no coincidences.

Wh-what? What did I do?

...I think it's more what you're going to do. Seriously, backup is backup, and if you have methods she'll never suspect, then so help me, we'll fight her fire with a freakin' volcano.

But I don't-- I don't know how to fight her! I don't even know what she looks like!

I don't care. That bimbo spends most of her time pretending to be other people anyway. All that matters is that you never let down your guard, you keep your eyes open for anything suspicious or unstable, and don't EVER compromise. That's how she gets in.

I wish we could fix that already, too.

Same.

Then fix it!

I'm trying. It's just very difficult, as sad as that is to say.

Don't worry, kid. After this week, I am not letting you out of my sight for a minute. Leon, if you're around him and I'm nowhere to be seen, FIX that. She knows how to get past you, but she can't get through me.

Didn't she try to hack you the other day, though?

She did try. She bloody well did try. But so help me, she won't get away with that.

I think that's what scares me the most about this.

What, her trying to get to me now?

Yeah... she's attacked Genesis, she's tried to use me, and now she's trying to incapacitate you. I don't know how she's getting this... powerful, really.

She's a direct mirror of our positive potential. The stronger we get, the stronger she gets. And she finds extra power everywhere. It's sick but that's the way it goes.

Why?

Hell if I know. Maybe it's just so we don't lose sight of what we're really living for.

She hasn't gone after Lynne or I though, has she? Why's that?

Geez, man, I don't want her going after either of you anyway, but neither of you spend as much time around J as Chaos and I do. Genesis too, really. She figures that, if she can corrupt the people he's closest to, then bam, there goes the floor!

So it's better if we stay at a distance?

A small one. Stay close enough to help, but don't get as involved as I am unless I give you the green light.

Laurie, I don't think anyone can top your involvement even if they tried.

What, even you?

Yeah, even me. Admit it; you don't have the extra ties that I do, and for whatever reason, we both know that he lets you get closer because of it.

I don't think it's a matter of extra ties, Chaos. We just have different sorts.

Yeah, the both of you really have the same amount of strings.

Heh, good to know.

You know what, Laurie, I think there's much more to you than I've ever realized.

Really now?

Yeah... I was thinking about the whole Virtue/Vice correspondence of you guys, and--

Wait, what's this now? Headvoices don't have V/Vs, do they?

Not in the J-Monster aspect, no, but I think they do carry certain aspects regardless. I mean, if you think about it, it's almost shockingly obvious. Julie is Lust, Jessica was Sloth, Missy is Greed, Bridget is Pride...

Wow, that... actually works.

And that weird manic red voice that attacked me in 2008 would be Wrath. I really hope she never comes back.

Then watch your red temper. Leon had a longer life than she did at first, but man, whoever she was, I do not want her around.

I don't either.

So... if those guys have vices, then do we have virtues or what?

Yeah, but I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out which ones. I'm going by the 7 Heavenly Virtues, to correspond with the Deadly Sins, so.

Wait, then who has Gluttony and Envy?

No one that I'm aware of, and I hope it stays that way. I remember Gluttony was forming a few years back, but we managed to fix that situation before they could personify.

Keep it that way.

I know.

And you've never had a problem with Envy, so that's one vice we might not have to worry about fighting.

True... I hope not.

What are the 7 Heavenly Virtues, though?

Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience, Humility, and Kindness. Out of those, Leon is definitely Temperance, and Natalie was most likely Kindness, so...

What would I be?

Jo, you'd be Diligence, as you're always so determined in seeking the truth. You don't like it when anyone slacks off. As for Lynne, I'm not sure what you'd be... I think Humility works, as you've never shown an ounce of arrogance that I'm aware of.

Thank you.

The other ones are what's odd, though. I think Spine is Patience.

What? Spine? I thought she was negative!

Only because she applies to my self-image. But, considering the battle we've been fighting concerning that, I think Patience is a fitting virtue for her.

Huh. That is interesting.

I know. So I'm going to see if I can find her and talk to her soon, and maybe get her on our side. She's never really seemed to be 'affiliated' with anyone, but considering what Laurie said earlier... allies are allies.

True.

Who's Spine?

Spine is this... really weird looking creature that's up here with us. I've never really called her a 'headvoice' because she's never actively spoken to anyone, but she is definitely around, and she definitely has an important influence on me regardless.

Wait, Spine isn't humanoid?

She is, but only in shape. She looks like a monster or demon more than anything... but she's all skeleton. There isn't an ounce of skin on her.

Whoa.

I've seen her. She's seriously creepy. You sure you can get her to sympathize with us?

Considering the fact that Julie doesn't care whether anyone but herself benefits from her actions? Sure. Remember, we all bleed together, and I'm sure Spine is feeling more than she lets on, what with her inexplicable connection to my physical self.

So that leaves... two virtues unassigned. Chastity and Charity.

Laurie, I think those are yours.

Heh.

Both of them? Seriously?

Come on guys, she's Julie's biggest enemy, and can't be hacked as far as we can tell, which automatically gives her Chastity... and as for Charity, I think I can attest to that one.

Still, two virtues?

I think she deserves them.

Laurie, you are being frighteningly quiet.

Just letting the kid talk is all.

But... that's what I meant about there being more to you than you let on. I mean, really, no one but me would ever put your name next to the virtue of Charity, but it fits.

Don't judge a book by it's cover, that's what I always say.

I know. Still, it's interesting to think about, considering how I've known you for four years now.

You've known Chaos for 7 years and you don't know everything about him either.

Sure, but geez, you know more about him than I do, even with a three year time gap.

Hm.

Well, you do.

I didn't say I didn't.

So, um... anything else you guys want to cover, again? Or is that it for today.

I think we're good. You guys can go.

Who, us?

Yeah. You and Lynne take Leon and keep an eye out for any warning signs. Fill him in on anything he's missed, too.

Kay, see you.

All right, if you say so.

I, uh, thanks. I'll help as much as I can.

You'd better. See you guys later.

Laurie?

Yeah?

You don't... seem like yourself.

What, 'cause I'm not freakin' swearing? Am I not allowed to show another side of my personality every now and then? Geez, Chaos. Come on.

No, it's not that. You just... when Jewel started talking about how he felt there was more to you than you let on, you pretty much just stopped talking.

I'm allowed to be silent.

That's not what I mean. I mean it seems like you are hiding something.

Maybe I am. Maybe I don't exactly feel comfortable discussing that with everyone in the room.

But they're headvoices too?

Doesn't matter, not with this. Sure, I care about them, but you two are different. You're not just co-workers or siblings. I trust you a hell of a lot more than I do them.

Seriously?

Yeah, seriously. Why else do you think I don't bring Josephina when we're discussing hacks? Why do you think we're the only people around when we're trying to keep things together? This is different. We all might bleed together in the community sense, but when it gets down to the blood and bones themselves, it's just the three of us whose hearts are aching from all the hell Julie keeps putting us through. Chaos is right; it's not about seniority, and it's not about job status either. This is about something far more important than either of those aspects will ever be, and so help me God, but I won't lose this if it kills me.

...Guess Jewel was right.

Don't give me that, of course he is. He knows that. You remember when we used to be the only ones talking here, right?

Yeah. I miss that, actually.

It's because of those that we have what we have. It wasn't until Chaos decided to see me as more than an axe-swinging maniac that he realized it either.

But... I always trusted you. Even when it was only me. Even when you still hated me.

That's my bloody point. That's the connection I'm talking about. It's not something you can predict or measure. It's also why I was so freakin' paranoid when Leon showed up, because you said you couldn't identify with him.

I'm starting to warm up to him a little more now.

Sure, but you will never have with him what you do with me, and the same goes for Lynne and Josephina.

So, uh... then what does it mean when J says that he feels he doesn't entirely know you?

He doesn't. I've been one secretive sonofagun since 2006. Jewel tells me every bloody detail of his life, pun intended, and sure, I'll listen and help him as well as I possibly can, but do I ever tell him that much about myself in return? Heck no. So he's not going to know as much as he can, but that's not his fault.

Why are you so secretive, then? Not that I'm complaining, but I'm curious.

Because no one ever cared but you. Not when everything started out. It wasn't even until late 2009 that Chaos even considered that 'hey, maybe that violet brute isn't so bad after all!' I was alone, just like you. But... I never really told you much. I'm sorry about that, kid, but it was for your own good.

How so?

Come on... if I told you every last detail about me, then all the more power to Julie. How the hell else do you think she used to disguise as Chaos? That satanic slut USED the both of you, used everything she could find!! She doesn't know a bloody thing about me and I hope to keep it that way. I'm sorry. If we can ever defeat her, if we can ever freaking kill that demon, then maybe I'll tell you. Until then... this is all you get.

Damn, Laurie, you're a lot deeper than I thought you were.

What, did you think I was one-dimensional or something? I'm not a figment, and neither are you. Watch your mouth, by the way. I'm the only one with swearing rights.

Yeah, I know. Sorry...

No problem. The figment comment kind of hurt, huh?

...

Thought it would. Needed to be said, though.

Laurie, um...

What?

...I don't know. I'm just really sad again is all.

Well, I can understand why.

Hey, life's tough. We've got a new therapist coming up on Monday. If that goes well, then great. If it doesn't, then we'll just find another one. We can't give up, or we'll lose for sure.

I noticed you've been saying that a lot.

'Don't give up?' It's true. Once you stop caring about something, or stop doing anything about it, then hell, you've lost all chances of ever winning. I've said many times that I'll fight until the day I die and I mean that.

And I don't want you to die, either.

Kid, God willing we'll all go down together. I don't think any of us want to see each other die.

Geez, never.

And we've come close...

Yeah. Too close.

...

Nng, I don't know if I can handle this disconnect much longer.

Which one?

The big one. The inner-outer conflict. The reason why I can't stand mirrors.

I still say you should get a mask like we originally planned to.

Yeah, I think so too...

Are you doing all right?

See, I think that's the problem. I always say 'yes and no,' but... well, I always have these hacking problems to worry about, but then I have you guys, so... so I don't know.

You're doing just well enough.

I suppose so... I just love you guys so much...

I know.

...

I just... I want to be me, and that's it. I want to be true on the outside for once. I'm sick and tired of people telling me what I can and cannot be, just because I don't fit their preconceived or programmed notions of something. And I'm never going to escape that, that I know for sure... but that doesn't change me. That doesn't change what's real and right. I just want to... to live, for once in my life.

Kid, if I could help you achieve that, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I know you would.

I'm with the blue guy.

Man... is it weird that, no matter how badly this hurts, I look for it?

We just discussed this, you tragic maniac. You run on heartache.

Heh, yeah, I guess so. It's sad though.

Beautiful melodies telling you terrible things, is it?

Mm-hm.

...Man, it's times like this I regret my decision the most...

What do you mean?

Keeping silent.

Laurie, I think you're more tragic than you let on, too.

Well no kidding, Chaos! You're in the same boat, if you forgot.

No, I didn't forget that. I couldn't possibly forget it.

Failure, Catharsis and Chaos, huh?

That's one heck of a trio.

Except Vices have to fight their attributes, so...

Victory, Catharsis and Creation.

I like that.

Catharsis hurts both ways, I suppose.

It does.

Laurie, if you ever get a Jewel Form, I swear it would be the coolest thing ever.

Nah, man, you're at least 500 times cooler than I am already.

Aw, that's not true. You're both awesome.

Hey, stupid question.

Yeah?

Is this that Vitas guy you're listening to right now?

Yep... 'Angel Without A Wing.' Beautiful stuff, isn't it?

I want to know why you've had this one song of his on loop for the past two days, though. You don't do that unless it means something. Give me the lyrics.

What, right here?

Sure, we have time to spare. I'd rather talk as long as possible anyway.

Okay, um... "I am returning to my childhood. I see the days flying back. I am breaking my heart; it is painful to walk all alone. I am like an angel without a wing. Why did you hurt me? Among the stars, the flows of tears were blown away by the wind. Though there are shivers on my skin, my tears are glittering with light. You should know I'll remain the same - A pure angel from heaven. I am like an angel without a wing. Why did you hurt me? Among the stars, the flows of tears were blown away by the wind."

Told you it was relevant.

That's... geez, kid, how do you find songs that fit your life so well?

Hey, no coincidences.

None at all.

Laurie, um, do you want to keep talking or what?

That depends, why?

Because it's already 6PM and I only have three hours before I need to sleep, so I'd like to maybe get some typing or sketching in.

Sketching. If you sketch, I'll let you close this up.

I know it's tough, but maybe if you start off slow again, we can get this fixed.

Oh yeah, and 'Green Eyes' by Coldplay.

What?

Fits. The lyrics, rather. It's like a sequel to 'Living.'

Oh, dude, Jewel told me about that! Is it really that bad?

"Green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find; and anyone who tried to deny you must be out of their mind..." yeah, it's that bad.

Wow. That's... wow. That's actually kind of hilarious.

Guys?

Yeah, sketching. Get to it. You have an actual deadline this time, remember.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that. Seven years.

They've been a really important seven years, you know.

Yeah, I do. I do.

Rifle recoil.

Ffff--- don't go there, kid, not while we're online.

Heheheh!

Watch out, Laurie, or I'll get you too.

He will. This kid knows his way around.

Believe me, I know it.

Should we take bets on how long it's going to take to close up this time?

I think that's more of Leon's thing.

True that!

Well, I have 35 seconds left on this song, so...

Oh shoot, we need a good closing line in 20 seconds. Chaos?

What, what am I going to say?

See you next week?

Same time, same channel.

That is way too accurate.