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headspace images 2015
Dec. 31st, 2015 01:22 amJANUARY
Brainchild, Chapter 1, page 45.
This comic is incredible on any given day, but this recent update just kicked me in the chest with personal relevance.
I... I have experienced this, too many times over, with aching furious weeping real headvoices, over and over, and each time is a new sword to my heart. Don't you dare tell me I'm not real.
...I won't. Not anymore. Not after everything I've seen and felt and heard. I'll never say those blind words ever again.
You are real. You are all real, so beautifully terribly real.
Don't ever let me forget.
#normally this would go on the system blog but i want it on my main to force me to be openly honest with myself about this #really though this aches like hell #but that's a good sign #also i adore this woman's art style and aspire to emulate it one day
"prayer" and "lovers," two of my favorite works by my favorite artist.
Their work in this style is surreal and strange, unexplained and imaginative, oddly delicate and innocent. It's my personal vibe in a nutshell and I adore it.
artandspirituality: In Islam it’s forbidden (perhaps more like impossible) to depict God by name or icon, so they just draw its essence directly, and make entire buildings in homage to the structure, beauty, and intricacy of God.It's a visual koan, almost-- the mind is stunned to ecstatic silence from the overwhelming incomprehensibility of such a place. Yet even in its grandeur, it only captures the tiniest splinter of the essence of God, just a fragile formidable glimpse of something ineffable and sublime.
And that is true representation of God as far as I am concerned, something that cuts through the muffled familiarity of icons and statues... it is something incredible and terrific and almost alien, a snapshot of that which is within all Creation, portrayed in the only way we mortal beings are capable of enduring and understanding. But it is truth enough.
I'm rambling. This just means a lot to me.
APRIL
This pulls at that quiet part of my heart that adores math but doesn’t quite know how to speak yet.
There is this strange unsettling vastness to numbers that shakes me to my roots. It’s scary sometimes but I’m drawn to it like a moth.
In any case this feels like the universe...and that last panel is a punch straight to the chest.
Also this feels SO much like the lower city rooms in headspace; the stuff deep down in the building underground... especially the red glow of that exit door.
I have so much to say about this and no words that work.
May 30: Feast Day of St. Joan of Arc
ST. JOAN OF ARC WITH ST. MICHAEL THE ARCHANGEL- William Hart McNichols (Fr. Bill McNichols)
This is going on my main blog instead of my religious one for these reasons:
1. Joan of Arc is my personal “patron saint,” mostly because 2. everyone used to compare her to me as a child, and when I got older I learned that 3. she had some really unusually religious experiences too, like me, with a particular connection to St. Michael. So those alone merit a personal resonance with this painting.
But... reason #4 is that, in this picture, she looks just like I did when I was about 19, during one of the most trying times of my life. That means something I can’t quite put into words.
Every year, at the Easter and Christmas vigils, I get this exact feeling.
It’s a unique sort of quiet promise, a knowledge that in the morning there will be a fulfillment of the joy we are celebrating in these finals waiting hours... but not just yet, not yet.
So I would stand on the sidewalk and look up at the stars and snow and church towers and I would just... be. Right in that moment, the last night before the brilliant dawn.
It’s a hard feeling to put into words, but it is deep and real and it shines, and it’s the sort of thing that defines me personally.
The feeling this gives me is indescribable.
Driving early in the morning or late at night always makes time dissolve for me. So does seeing those dark green road signs. There’s a strange liminal magic to car travel that I adore. It’s the same thing I get in airports.
Cities also hold an odd sort of living moving magic, quiet but powerful, flowing under bridges and in summer shadows and up sparkling skyscraper windows... burning and cool and laughing and formidable all at once.
Pairing those two things, cities and travel, gives me a feeling like a dream, like being alive in some sort of lucid wonder, and that is really something else.
I cannot create something without melting into it. If I am an artist, then I must become what is becoming through me, if you get what I’m saying.
Effectively, music is etched into my bones and paint runs through my veins. No matter how much I may doubt it, I cannot deny the fact that, in one way or another, I AM an artist.
MAY
I can empathize with this far too well.
It’s a big strange fear as an artist: that I have no real identity or worth aside from the work I create. In a way it’s really not a bad thing... but some days it’s an awful sort of existential ache, because I don’t want to just be a channel for art-- I want to BE art.
I want to be just as colorful and inspiring and magical as what I can make with my hands... and on the bad days I’m afraid that’s just not possible. But I will never lose hope.
Sorry for rambling, but this is important to me.
This is the sort of imagery that makes me really existential and really peaceful all at once.
Technology from the 80s especially tends to do that to me; it feels like this clumsy excited grasping of the staticky ichor of the universe-- the building blocks of structure, the impossibly simple language of infinite complexity. It’s all vivid color shocks, contained in geometry and grids, stark against sheer blackness. It’s so childlike at times, even in its surreality. But it’s because there’s something genuine trying to be communicated through it, and anything less simple would only distract, detract.
To me, it’s like... if space tried to talk to us. I feel this is what it would turn out like. Something untranslatable, unbearably rich with the unknown, and the only way it can possibly be expressed, is like this. Color and math and black expanse. It’s the minimum, and it’s the maximum.
Modern technology feels too personal to me, to capture this? Oddly, in becoming more streamlined, more elegant, almost more “organic” in its fluidity, it has lost this sort of raw alien honesty. Down to the bones it’s still circuitboards and code, and I love seeing that hidden even in the prettiest new gadget... but even moreso, I love when this sort of old-but-newborn language breaks through the glamour, reminding us of just what we’re playing with.
It’s why I love glitch art and music. It’s a break in the matrix, a sudden jolt through the comfy predictability and softness we tend to get complacent in. There’s a somewhat disturbing incomprehensibility to it, but... it’s the same feeling I get in churches sometimes. Out there, in here, echoed in every atom, something is grander, something is stranger. And I think that says a lot too.
I could write for hours on this topic. It’s oddly dear to me.
JUNE
cparris: "I had never heard of Denis before making this, and once I found out about him I couldn’t resist. He was a Bishop of Paris and was martyred by decapitation. He then picked up his head and walked six miles while preaching a sermon. Some artists have depicted him with the halo behind his head even when it’s in his arms, but I just loved the idea of an empty halo too much!"
#symbolic imagery #laurie #jay #gorgeously painful #i adore this #both the art and the story behind the saint
"your [characters] are like geodes. if you want to see what they're really made of, you must break them."
#gemstones in general are tied to the system #it's surprisingly subtle as gems are hugely significant in the leagueworlds #but in any case this post feels very applicable to us as of late #with no small share of warning #many of us have not 'broken' yet and those people are all being pushed to #so here's some hope as to the outcome
#we have a problem where our 'happy people' always come out in therapy #and always end up saying this #even if a drastically suicidal alter was out five minutes prior #and there is blood all over our arms #that happy dude is going to insist that everything is sunshine and rainbows #because to them it really is #so this is both a good thing and a bad thing
This happens frequently when our trauma-related stress level gets too high– everyone gets forcibly “switched out” to leave the body empty and numb, and this is exactly what it feels like.
+When you’re trying to make a decision, but your alters keep arguing/talking so loud that you can’t think straight:
#floating voices #every time we go out in public this happens #this is also why we hate going shopping
#i adore this #the damaged ones #healing work #this is heartbreaking and hopeful all at once
#water has always been this constant background presence in headspace #but its significance is ASTRONOMICAL #this image looks like it would be foreboding but it doesnt feel that way at all #which is very interesting #reset attempts #hope #strangest set of tags i've ever put in succession
caitlynkurilich: Penance, Labyrinth, and Array, Graphite & Digital Media, 2012.
"Hey, would you look at that! Here are some illustrations on the relation between torture and the old Catholic Church that I possibly completely forgot about."
Torture and religion have become almost inextricably bound in our subconscious (thanks to an unhealthy upbringing) and that is deeply damaging.
The first image is terribly applicable to what we feel like fairly often; penance and contrition are driven by the “holiest motivations” but they always end in someone bleeding… and convinced that that is the holiest result.
The second image sums up our current state in healing all this stuff.
The third image is the Retributors in a nutshell.
#tar #symbolic imagery #the sink #strange as it seems that damn bathroom sink is one of the most traumatic places in our house #it has held far too much blood and fear and panic #and yet is is also where we found xenophon #the entity that somehow defied all the odds and offered healing and forgiveness to that same location #considering her 'mother' was the first black slot holder this is interesting #it means it can be read as good or bad depending on what SIDE of the black energy you are sticking your head into #the traumatic destructive side #or the healing creative side #take your pick #also i just realized that sinks are also tied to WATER #which adds even more significance to this #hmm
#rorschach #gif #relevant #retributors #protectors #there's still an oddly fierce affection for this guy #or at least the concept of him #which is kind of how the old outspacer anchor thing works #seriously though this is a VERY important message #outspacers
#this is bizarre but interesting #white #brown #plague rooms #water #hmm #spine look
agnes-cecile: frail lull - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZypgzxyQrN4
The manner in which this is painted is just as personally resonant as the image itself.
#this captures a certain feeling perfectly and there are no words for it #it's when you endure something painful and awful but it brings everyone inside together #and at the end this is the feeling you get #at 2am with a whole crowd talking in your heart #and you love every single one of them #and that makes you want to try once more #to survive the night and wake up in the morning #no matter how unwound your head feels at the moment #it's the sort of hope you can only feel when your heart is broken wide open
sbosma: "Space Paladin and limited color version for the woman warriors zine Abby, Julia, and Roxie are putting together for MoCCA..."
#jay look #infi look #swords #rainbows #symbolic imagery
fohk: Do Ho Suh constructs a home within a home at MMCA (source)
This is effectively what manipulating Whitespace is like.
#the 'blueprint' imagery is interesting though #especially because Blue deals with technology in our system
mocodeeeeeeeeeesu:「ブッ殺してやる」
#art #resonant imagery #swords #hosts #cores #ohhh wow this is scary #reset attempts #this is what happens after the worst hacks #the red-level kids are hurt and terrified #while those in the b/w slots get corrupted by the tar/plague influence #and typically the white kids decide that the best option is to just annihilate the red levels #because that's where the problem is coming from right? #except its not #the real problem is IN that very b/w thinking that causes such coldhearted violence #the ones who have bled and suffered dont need to die #they are the victims not the perpetrators #even if the line may seem blurred to some #they need to be helped and healed #but good luck trying to convince the calcified kid with a sword of that #he just wants it all to stop forever and to him this looks like the quickest option #in a nutshell: if you're black or white then for god's sake don't turn your back on your fellow colors #or this will happen #red #white #black #plague #tar
perplexingly: making Cole more human
#symbolic imagery #hosts #this cuts straight to the heart #the fact that the single hand he's holding is armored is especially relevant to us #and the hat over his eyes makes me think of jay's apprenticeship
joh0002naga: 2015.05.14 mermaid and ant.
#insects #ants #flowers #tobiko #insects in our system have a very subtle role but they feel very significant #tobiko is one of our most quietly damaged alters as she exists only to purge pain #the vibe of this is that of a peace offering and a hope of brighter possibilities #i dont know what color the ants are but they feel red or brown #either way i really like the feeling of this picture
thisisnojay: some conscience
#geez this is literally jacinth in art form #colors and all #cel look #i'm sorry i know it hurts but just remember this okay #you taught us a lot with this #you redeemed like three solid years of hell with this #im so sorry it happened like it did #but thank you #for being the conscience she didnt want to have
#i really do like this #it hurts but its true #coming to terms with the fact that we basically are -insane- in many peoples eyes is terribly jarring and rather frightening at times #but. #inside we are so bright it's incomprehensible #and if the price of that is being seen as crazy then we're just going to have to cope with that #relevant
c2oh:tumblr wont upload my shit.
#seriously though this is exploding with relevance
(halo, b/w split, white hair, red eyes, laurel crown, zeros, butterfly-esque cravat, sharp teeth outlines, teardrop... you get the idea)
#hmm
