okay so last night was just one big WTF session let me try to remember it
- started completely unexpectedly at 1AM last night, Infi suddenly started "talking to me" from an unknown location; more of feelings than words. he could barely talk, in a ton of pain, panicky and urgent. kept telling me to find and save him as quickly as possible, "you're the only one who can." the last thing he said to me was literally "please don't waste any time there's not much TIME LEFT"
- i
immediately left my laptop and went into my room to meditate, no questions asked. geez i have no idea how long it took after that
- lava cavern? i think. hard to see anything. dark, lots of intimidating speleothems. small though, very vertical, like a tunnel down middle, rungs of rock around the side? circular. not so much a "cave" as it was a straight-down oubliette almost.
- i know i landed near water or something? black, deep. ONLY water in that entire area. little platform in center. i was very very out of it, not much memory here. falling deep, knew that was the "only way to get to the rest of the cavern" but worried i would drown?
- suddenly bugs??? tons of 'em, BIG though, like the size of people. helped me out of the water, carried me on the back of this big beetle guy. then showed the way out from the shore? tunnel, horizontal, only about 20 feet long.
- also it JUST hit me now; INFI WAS A BUG before he "came to life" and manifested!! so that could be quite notable
- found him, bugs took me through that tunnel to another connected "vertical pit," this one with one wall like a cliff face, concave. infi was curled up at the bottom of it, obviously in severe pain. i remember feeling this huge surge of empathy, stumbled over to him, hoping that he was okay. he opened his eye and saw me, feebly reached out with both hands to me. that broke my heart. took them, knelt beside him for a moment, he was surprised i was able to find him, but grateful that i did. very hard for him to talk, mostly telepathic. he was trying not to cry out in pain, i didn't know what to do.
- i think this is when i picked him up, held him close in my arms, crying now. emotions cannot be hidden around him y'know
- not sure of event sequence. his stomach was cracked, bleeding everywhere, he looked very disheveled.
- i know i tried to heal him at some point, i think he told me not to, not while we were there?? "they'd find us" or something
- so much stone and red glow everywhere. pretty hellish, and claustrophobic of course. i want to say "fire" but there was none? maybe magma the further down you got, but otherwise just this ominous red tint. dark though.
-
- ryman and markus near top of room?? both in metainomen outfits. markus was badly hurt, i think he was bound too. but he was so happy to see me, i know i burst into tears: i had dreamt about him the night before, he was badly amputated due to some awful attack, he didn't recognize me, i still did everything i possibly could to help him. he was so sad but he finally smiled when he saw how much i cared. so now, seeing him here, it hurt. i was laughing incredulously but couldn't stop crying. he said it was okay, ryman had been helping him heal too, he wasn't permanently injured.
- how'd we get out of there?? i remember seeing both boys floating in their metainomen outfits, kind of glowy, really gorgeous. oh wait, i think ryman DID open a gate, i know we went straight down into a tunnel of the same size/height. and he stopped us in "midair" at one point to grab a book off the wall of a library-like section we passed?? i don't know if we were moving through dimension pockest or what. but he said he "needed it"
- the next thing i remember, was us in this really cool arabic-esque room, gold in color, high or no ceiling?? not sure. all i know for sure is that ryman used the book here for a summoning spell? with markus obviously. it was a foreign language, i didn't understand it. but ryman said it was a spell to "summon gods," said he knew how to tweak it a little, was going to use it to summon chaos 0.
- he first appeared perfect-like? got me worried for a moment, but stabilized in his normal form. seemed dazed, almost collapsed, markus caught him. cz noticed this, took him a moment for it to register, then immediately made some comment about it, markus just laughed at him good-naturedly.
- this part is very very VERY blurry sorry
- somewhere around here I KNOW Laurie showed up. said she had "found us," she'd been lurking for days anyway, was keeping an eye out.
- we went up to central, lynne and josephina were there, asked what was going on, how was everyone, where were we?? they had been hiding out too; nat and leon were in his cathedral trying to hold things together there or something? not sure.
- also MY BOSS SHOWED UP i forget how or when exactly, but that was very important, he was all gung-ho about making sure this ended well and had great ideas because he's a sandman of course
- he said we had to go to the BLOOD LOTUS CATHEDRAL, dude we literally have not been there in ages. everyone was like "how," i remembered the only foolproof way was to go through me?? so everyone got in a circle, i focused us all in,
- collapsing somewhat?? i remember the roof was open in a way it shouldnt have been. i think i flew up outside of it to look around, we were WAY up high, airplane height. beneath us i think i could see central city, the sea, the forests around it. but there was a TON of fog, in waves and clouds and wisps. sandman said that was unformed headspace as usual
- oh yes and in the middle of the floor there was this gaping hole?? AGAIN, I think that's where infi was too, the cavern pit. it should NOT have been there. freaked me out a little, the heck was that, why was it there?
- boss stood at the edge of it, started focusing dreamdust energy in his hands. told laurie get over there, to his left, then told her to focus her energy in her hands too. laurie focused this violet space-lightning sort of energy, it was gorgeous. but then he told chaos to stand to his right, do the same (glowy oceanic energy obviously). one of my clearest recollections: the three of them standing there, literally holding hands, with all this incredible shining energy all around them. it was really something else. then i dont remember how but boss used that energy to heal the floor?? i think we were warped to some other place temporarily?? either way the entire floor ended up starry glossy black, solid flat though. sealed up the pit. said i could also shape it how i wanted afterwards, since it was black energy.
- btw i had infi in my arms 99.9% of this entire time so you know.
-
- THE GLASSES WHEN WAS THAT??? i remember i was by a small rectangular pool of water or something? needed to use the glasses, allowed me to "see" an overlay dimension or something?? OR go INTO it, that might have been it. geez i dont remember thats not cool, that was IMPORTANT. ive got this feeling it was when i was with ryman and markus at first, but i cannot remember exactly, i have this nagging suspicion that my boss was there?
-
- near the end of this i know infi and i went somewhere, this pocket dimension, how?? from the blc though i think. basilica-like, center altar with pillars, but with circular steps going down around it quite a ways. water all around it, plans twirling down from ceiling, lots of sunlight. beautiful really. infi was almost entirely healed her, i know that. he was lying down, i asked him what in the world was going on with the pregnancy thing? was he really? he said he wasnt really sure, didnt know where it came from or what it was, but he didnt want it to die. remember i did heal the cracks there so now it was almost opaque again, somewhat luminous. i couldnt see inside anymore, but there was a vague hint that yes he still had another life inside him.
- again, not sure how it came to this but i clearly recall infi kissed me somewhere around here, because almost immediately after something in the outerworld shocked me to almost disconnecting from headspace? infi got desperate, begged me not to leave, not now please, hold on. it was tricky but i did. he was crying that was unusual
- OH DUDE WAIT i forgot he actually started a CONNECTION thats what it was!! i was kind of scared, would that hurt the embryo thing, it wouldnt do anything to me would it? he said no, he just needed me to experience this for a moment. asked me to go soul form. to my surprise i was able to do that willingly, that's a first. but then infi went straight-up jewellink and IMMEDIATELY that wave of heart-wrenching emotion hit me again. yes i started sobbing in reality, not for long though, that kind of empathetic bleedover is so exhausting it has to switch off quickly or it WILL burn me out unconscious. but upstairs the emotion stayed, i remember being aware of what it felt like to "be him" right then, I CANNOT put that into words forgive me. but it was beautiful, tragic somehow, we had to break it off because i was slipping badly from how overwheming it was. that's what caused me to disconnect sorry.
- i think i was out for a while? two minutes maybe, geez, long time in meditations!!
- when i came back i was in central, lying down. cz and infi were kneeling beside me, concernedly making sure i was okay. ryman and markus were across room, kneeling down and comparing books on something? maybe same book from earlier. laurie was standing by them talking to my boss. when i opened my eyes i think infi and cz welcomed me back, no one was really sure if i would be able to come back so that was a relief
- i know i DID use the glasses again somewere around here, absentmindedly? i summoned them, picked them up over my head to look at them, but forgot they were dripping-- since i was lying down a drop landed in my eye, and it CHANGED my vision whoa!! suddenly everything i saw was "colored black" energetically, it was insanely cool. infi looked normal, but everything else was black-- not monochrome though, think the starry deep velvet black of the BLB. but it made everyone else look how they would look if they anchored to that color!! i remember chaos looked GORGEOUS i actually teared up over it. got a glimpse of laurie and sandman, not much though, they looked like gods almost, especially boss-- he was understatedly extravagant, like something neil gaiman designed. rubbed the color out of my eyes here, seeing everything else suddenly get bright and other-colors was such a sudden switch i laughed
- i remember the three of us (me, cz, infi) went over to talk to ryman and markus briefly, markus had to leave but ryman wanted to stay? markus said he wasn't entirely comfortable yet being so close to everyone else up there, i said he didnt have to be. but he wasnt nervous or uncomfortable, so that was good, i was worried that he was. but no he was fine, said he'd rather work though.
- i talked to my boss for a bit too!! for the life of me i really dont remember what or how, i think maybe i disconnected again?? because i am SURE i asked him to "hold time for me" temporarily, when i came back we were in a pocket dimension thing? starry sky, floating architecture. reminded me of sailor moon for whatever reason, colors maybe. we did talk briefly there. but when we got back to central i remember that right before he left, he kissed me on the forehead as usual, ruffled my hair. that made me so blissfully happy for some reason i could not stop smiling, of course sandmans smiles are contagious so that just made it worse haha! i think he was talking to me real close too? like i think he was holding my face for a moment, smiling so widely i thought my heart would burst. there i think he was reassuring me of my position in life then, that everything was going as it should, "don't worry child," take care of infi, everything will be okay, that sort of thing. all his reassurances sound like gold though so of course they all helped. he left in a swirl of glitter after bowing nights-style, holding nightcap to chest with other arm out and back
- last thing i remember is warping everyone to my room, or laurie did?? not sure. jokingly reminded ryman of the no-shirt rule. also we made a sort of hammock bed for infi, so he could relax and continue healing, also because pregnancy worries obviously.
- ryman had me play his old song, "if you're not the one," i think he just kind of put his arms around me and smiled, it was so simple but gorgeous i cannot believe we haven't been around each other for so long what were we thinking
- laurie quietly sauntered in at one point, about two minutes after that ryman realized he was there, she cracked up, reassured him that she hadn't been creeping on us the whole time. cz and i just laughed because we're used to it, felt bad for ryman though but it was funny
- i know i fell asleep in a sort of tangle with cz and ryman, we all agreed that if anyone dozed off that was totally fine, hell we didnt care we were enjoying it.
- MOST IMPORTANT THING. ironically. there was one flash, early in the rescue mission thing, when i was still in the fires-- i think it was when infi said not to heal him fully or "they would sense us." i could see down to the bottom, wherever it was, and there were three girls there. one was jezebel, obviously (since she IS the tar in a corporeal form), but the other two were the DREAM VOICES??? from
here mainly. the frizzy-pigtails one, and i think the black-haired one. but i don't know how it never hit me earlier... seeing them there, in their colors, suddenly i realized exactly who they were. missy and bridget. we're in trouble.
sooo yeah that was last night, holy heavens its 2am i need to get to sleep!
sorry guys for how disjointed this was, you know what meditation experiences are like, can't really make 'em structured afterwards. they're meant to be experienced, not analyzed. heart, not head. you get the picture. i am extraordinarily tired. good night.
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