the spectrum heart cathedral system

december 21 2003

…the dream scene switched to a Star Ocean-like arena, and I was standing in it, saying that I needed Marik and Ryou's help. Then this fat guy with blue hair and a really lanky guy with dark brown hair ran over, but the blue-haired guy fell on top of me. Suddenly an audience laughed, and the view panned out to show that it was really a stage, and the people on it were only parodying us. The real me was in the crowd with everybody else, and I was trying to see what those actors were doing when some random audience member handed me a mug of coffee and said 'schedule,' but in a British accent (so it sounded like 'shedule'). I took it and turned to an old woman next to me, who was holding a plastic tray, so I put it down on that and also said 'schedule' in a British way. As I did so, some guy with a tie and glasses standing near the woman said, 'I'm sorry, I don't speak English very well, but thank you anyway.' 

Right after than I ended up back at home in the hallway. The small shuppet-demons were back, but this time my brothers Diamond and Ranndall were there with them. The demons were turning into all sorts of people and objects to avoid us, but I blasted them with a sort of pinkish light and they were 'destroyed.' I looked down at the ground then, and saw a doll of Ryou Bakura in the Change Of Heart card (like in Episode 13), except that the 'dark' upper half looked almost like a Dark Magician, and the heart on his chest was black…
I was once again surrounded my the light-eating demons, except this time the battle was Dokapon style. I called for Ryou and Marik, and they both ran over to help me. Ryou had this red, black and gold Egyptian dagger with hieroglyphics etched into the blade, and Marik had this huge futuristic-looking axe, which had three vertical square blades and bright blue metal accents. They both attacked and took the main light-eater's health down just enough so I could use my Burning Fist (an actual Dokapon weapon) to attack it, but it didn't die. I came up with an idea but just as we were all about to use our combined light to destroy the demons, I woke up.



november 18 2003

Sometimes I feel like the only friends I have are Bakura, Nightcrawler, and the Jewel Monsters. Of course, I can only talk to them in my head in public (otherwise people would think I've lost it) but when I'm alone I'll sit down in an empty room and talk to them. It really helps.
Oh and Marik's my buddy now. I found a picture of Marik and Bakura together, and they both looked so darn cute that I thought, "hmm, I think I like Marik too." So now I do. :) Besides, Marik is cute anyway. But not as cute as Bakura. <3 ^_^
I'm starting a practice web page and right now I have a pic of YamiBakura as the background. But I need something else! YamiBakura is mean! He hurts poor Bakura. :( And YamiMarik is mean too because he hurts poor Marik. :( I'll probably take the cute Marik/Bakura pic and put it as my background. :) <3 <3
...I just found the most hilarious Marik pic ever. He has this insane smile and he looks so idiotic it's funny. I'm not making fun of Marik. I'm just saying he looks funny.
I had the weirdest dream last night. But all I remember is Joey landing in an airplane of some sort and Bakura & Marik are there, and Marik says, "Joey! Run while you still can!" But Joey says, "And why should I listen to you, Marik, you sleazeball?" And Marik replies, "Because I'm not a sleazeball!" Very funny.
I think Bakura and Marik are trying to outdo the others hairstyle.

later… AMG just saw inside my FOLDER… right now, I am very (emphasize very) suspicious, Bakura is upset and Marik is freaking out.



september 18th 2003

AMG had a dream a week or so ago where I went out with this guy named Joey (D:) to a carnival or something and dumped him. And she keeps yelling at me for dumping him because she says he was cute. Well, I'd dump Joey for Bakura or Marik any day. <3 I'm saying that like the Joey in her dream, not Jonouchi Katsuya, aka Joey Wheeler. He would be a good friend, but a boyfriend? Let's put it this way-- that's Bakura's job. And Marik's, too. <3 Because everybody likes Marik!! =) Yep. And Bakura, too. I really love him. <3 Oh-- there was an episode last week of Yu-Gi-Oh!, and Bakura was in it so I was happy. I really like how Marik acts, too. "Need I point out that you're trapped?" He's sort of like a little brother. A real annoying and real fun little brother. :) At least to YamiBakura. :P



august 22nd 2003

Oh shoot. The "Tuxedo Mirage" song (Sailor Moon ending theme) is addicting… And if you're wondering, everything is possible (!!) and all I can think of is me singing it to myself in school as Jewel Lightraye and I think Bakura's listening, but I changed the last two lines and don't sing the first two… It's now this= "Every day I love you more and more, I truly love you, I will always love you." And guess why I said that? Remember? I said Bakura was listening. ♥



august 6th 2003

It is 11:05... I just listened to the Bakura song again. Played it about seven times... literally. I can't get enough of those few seconds of song. It's probably because I love Bakura so much. ♥ If I could tell him anything at all, I would tell him that. And I'm not one of those normal (emphasis on "normal") girls that see their boyfriend and fall all over him, shooting their mouths off (don't know what that means, just like the sound of it :p) about how they almost died without them and how much they love them and how many posters they have of them on their walls (and how many times they've kissed the posters >.<) and such. I, however, would probably let Bakura do the talking and all I would have to say would be "I love you." Because I really, truly, sincerely do. And I hope he knows that.



june 4 2003

The symbol today is very unique. ♥ is me, ☆ is Bakura, and ✷ is... Marik! =D Marik finally started his Pokemon adventure with a Swampert. (It is obsessed with cake.) Now we can all run around Hoenn together.



may 28 2003

It all started in a strange high school... a girl named Sabrina was getting out of class when her friend asked her if she had seen the new kid (me!) yet, and Sabrina said no. Her friend said, "well, you should." She wouldn't reply when Sabrina asked why. Later that day, Sabrina saw me alone in the cafeteria. I hadn't brought a lunch, and I wouldn't touch anything the teachers gave me. "But you'll die of starvation!" I shook my head. "That's not what I'm going to die of," I said.
After they had left, Sabrina came over to me. "Hi," she said.
I looked up. "Hi."
"My name's Sabrina," she told me. "What's yours?"
"Jewel Lightraye," I said slowly.
Sabrina sat down. "I hear you're new here," she said.
All of a sudden I started to cry. Sabrina was surprised. "What's wrong?" She asked.
"Oh, nothing," I replied sarcastically. "My life just ended, that's all."
"Why, what happened?" asked Sabrina.
I looked up at her. "I was in a high school before this," I said. "But I guess the teacher's guild found out. They said it's not necessary to... travel so far just to go to school. But it is. I had a perfect life over there, and now they just ruined it." I began to cry again.
Sabrina looked over at a nearby table, then back at me. "Did you have a boyfriend over there?" she asked me.
"Did I?? He's the reason I wanted to stay over there." I looked back down. "But now I'm back over here. I can't contact him by phone, I can't mail him, and I'm not even allowed out of my room. Even at school I'm under constant watch. We're hundreds of miles apart and I never even got to say goodbye..." I started crying. "I miss him so much..."

Sabrina tried everything she could to get me and Ryou back together, and finally she called Marik. Then Bakura called and Sabrina realized he missed me too. So she told me, and the next day I brought Latias to school and flew back to where Bakura was.



may 27 2003

...the more I think about what I asked myself, I wonder if anyone does know what's inside my heart... if they did, the first thing they would see would most likely be Bakura. <3 I can't help but love him. Sure he has gorgeous hair & the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, but he has that sort of personality that you look for in someone. You can trust him (not his yami), you can rely on him, everything. But you can't help but feel sorry for him after all the pain he's been through...
Every time I see him I just can't help but smile. :)
I love him so much. <3



may 26 2003

It all started when we were in school, and I asked him if he wanted to go somewhere, and he said OK. So I said I'll be right back. But while I was gone, two people came out of nowhere and said that if they saw him with me, he would suffer the consequences. So when I came back he told me, and I left. But then the two people came back and took him away to a building miles away. (I had to shorten all of that a lot, sorry.) They locked him in a room and left him. Soon a blond girl came in and said that she didn't want Bakura to like me. She told Bakura to forget me and go for her. But Bakura said no. The girl scowled and said, "you've already been here a day. I'll give you two more days to change your mind. If you don't, I'll kill you." The next day the girl brought some friends. She brought them into Bakura's chamber and walked up to him. She smiled and said, "Bakura- will you marry me?" Bakura stood up (he had been sitting down) and said "Of course I-- won't!" Then he punched her pretty hard in the face and she fell backwards. She stood up and said, "You'll pay for that. You'll be mine soon, fool." Bakura shook his head and said, "No you won't. My heart already belongs to Jewel." The girl scowled again. "Then you'll have to die." She left. "You'll die first thing tomorrow." Before she closed the door, however, she held out her hand and shot a lightning bolt at Bakura. He grabbed his head in pain, and at the same time at school I got a shock of pain to my head. (I have to shorten this next bit too.) I got up and ran from the school to a bus. I asked the driver if in the past few days he had picked up a guy in a yellow outfit and white hair recently. He said yeah, you want to go where he did? I said yes and hopped on the bus. I took a seat with another girl. Her name was Amy Love, and she talked to me all the way up to where the bus stopped. The driver said, "I'm sorry but right here the guy you're looking for got off with two guys in black outfits, got into a car and drove off." "What?!" I exclaimed. But Amy said she thought she knew where he went. I thanked the bus driver and got off the bus. Amy walked around the corner to a car and told the driver to drive her to this building. So we started off.
Back at the building with Bakura, he was in his room and singing "If I'm not made for you" to himself. The sun had set and was rising again. We were still driving. All of a sudden the girl came back into the room with a knife. She walked over to Bakura and pinned him to the wall. He broke away, but the girl swung at him and cut his arm pretty bad. He was bleeding, but fought off the guards who were blocking the exit. (When he got cut, I was in the car and I grabbed my arm from pain) Bakura ran into another room and stood against the wall, breathing hard. He turned around, but the girl was there. She pinned him to the wall again and shocked him with more lightning. In the car, I got hurt too. Amy started to worry. Bakura was too hurt to move now. The girl put her hand on Bakura's heart and told him to change his mind or else. Bakura took a deep breath and said, "You're not going to break Jewel and I apart. I gave my heart to her, and she gave her heart to me. You can't take someone from somebody else unless they do it willingly. So what you're doing isn't going to work." The girl scowled yet again, and said, "Oh yes it will. Once you're gone, Jewel won't be able to last. She'll either commit suicide or die of a broken heart." She started laughing maniacally. Bakura narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't." She smiled evilly. "I would, and I will! If I can't have you, Bakura, no one will!!" She took out the knife, and Bakura looked scared. She laughed again. "Yes, pain and fear! Be afraid! You'll never see Jewel again! Goodbye, Bakura!!!" She pulls the knife back. In Amy's car, I suddenly gasp and fall forwards, my hand on my chest. Amy asks me what's wrong. "it's Bakura," I manage to say. Amy's eyes widen. "Bakura? Ryou Bakura? He's your boyfriend??" I nod, and start to cry. "But if we don't find him, he's going to die." Amy is confused. "Huh? How can you tell?" I take my hand off my chest. It's red with blood, but there's none of it on my white shirt. Amy gasps and turns to the driver. "Step on it!!" She exclaims. He does, and we soon arrive at the building.
We get out and step out to the building. I take out a Pokeball from my belt and throw it. Fireball (my Blaziken) comes out and blasts a stream of fire through the doors, stopping the guards who were beginning to come. We both run into the building with Amy and start up the slanted floors up the building. All of a sudden I stop and hold my chest again. Fireball stops and runs over to me. Amy stops and says, "What's wrong, Jewel? We're on the seventh floor already." I look up. "It's Bakura. He's nearby." I run until we reach the tenth floor. Suddenly I stop and look down. There's some blood on the floor leading out of the room. I follow it when I reach a room down the hall. Bakura is lying in the corner against the wall. His shirt is literally soaked with blood. I run over to him. I keep calling his name, but there's no response. Finally I put my head on his shoulder. "Don't die on my now, Bakura, I need you." Suddenly I hear my name. "Bakura?" I ask. I look down. Bakura was alive! I hugged him and started crying. Suddenly the girl runs into the room and her eyes widen. "You- you're not dead?!" She screams. Bakura manages to stand up. "No, I'm not. And Jewels' here now, so I'm not going to be, either." Suddenly he gasps and falls back. I catch him. The girl laughs. "Oh yes you will." I look down at Ryou. "What does she mean?" Bakura closes his eyes. "When she stabbed me, it didn't kill me immediately. But whatever she hit, it will kill me eventually." The girl laughed. "Yes it will! And I-" but all of a sudden she falls foward and hits the floor. Amy is standing over her. "Kristen," she says. "A-Amy?" Kristen gasps. "No! Not you!" I look at Amy. "What's wrong?" Amy looks up. "I'm her sister." I gasp. "What?!" Amy sighs. "Many years ago, I had a boyfriend. Kristen wanted him, though, but when he wouldn't go to her, she stabbed him with a knife and killed him. I've been trying to stop Kristen and her mad killings ever since." "Yes, but you're too late!" Kristen screamed. "The boy's already good as dead." And it was true. Bakura was still bleeding, and he was barely breathing. "He's going to die, Jewel, and there's nothing you can do about it!!" exclaimed Kristen. "Look at him. Helpless under my power. I have done my work. His heart is barely even beating. There's nothing you can do to save him." I was crying hard now. "But he can't die! I love him." Bakura opened his eyes. Amy and Kristen stopped what they were doing and fell silent. "What?" hissed Kristen. I didn't even blink. "I said I love him. Ever since I met him I never had the courage to tell him, but now that he might die, I just want him to know." Kristen was speechless. Bakura looked down. "Jewel?" He said. I looked down at him. "What?" Bakura sighed. "I... I love you, too." Kristen jumped forward. "No!! Don't say it! Don't say it!!" But it was too late. My Millennium Crystal and Bakura's Millennium Ring started to glow, & both of us were surrounded by the light. All of a sudden, the light exploded and lit up the entire building. When it cleared it showered down on me and Bakura like glitter. Suddenly our Items stopped glowing, and I shook myself off. I looked down at Bakura. His eyes were wide open. He put his hand on his heart and stayed like that for a few seconds. Suddenly he looked up at me. "What happened?" I smiled. "I don't know." Kristen grabbed her head and got up. "You! You ruined my life! You're the one who was Bakura's friend, not me. He shouldn't have been yours! He should have been mine!!" "But he wasn't," Amy said. Kristen grabbed her head and started growling in agony. All of a sudden there was a voice. "Kristen?" Kristen stopped moaning and opened her eyes. "Derek?" I looked up. A boy was standing in the doorway. "Kristen, is that you?" He asked. Kristen smiled and ran over to him. I looked at Amy. She smiled. "Derek was Kristen's boyfriend. He disappeared years ago and she hasn't seen him since then." Bakura smiled. "A happy ending," he said, and looked up at me. I smiled. "For all of us."
*** later...
Bakura and I stood at the end of the city, overlooking the ocean.
"Is it just me, or do we always come here when something like this happens?" I asked him. He smiled. "Don't know." I looked back out over the ocean. "You know, Bakura, when I thought I was going to lose you today, I realized that I just wouldn't be able to live without you. I really didn't realize how close we were." I looked up. "This morning, I began to wonder if you loved me like I loved you." Bakura looked at me. "I thought the same thing, Jewel. I was wondering if you felt the same way about me as I felt for you." He looked out over the ocean also. "Today, when you said you loved me, I didn't worry anymore." Bakura closed his eyes. "I could have died today if it wasn't for you, Jewel. I don't know what I would have done without you. Even when you weren't there, you were there inside my heart. But I never really thought you loved me that much." I smiled. "But I do, Bakura. I always did. I just wanted you to know." I looked at him. "Are you all right? You know, from that knife. I don't want you to be hurt." Bakura smiled and opened his eyes. "As long as you're here, I'm fine." We both stood and stared out at the ocean, my hand on Bakura's. Suddenly he took my hand and put it on his heart. I could feel his heart beating. He turned and looked at me. I smiled. Suddenly he pulled me towards him and hugged me, and I hugged him back. We stood there for a while, and then I looked at him. "You know, Bakura, I've been wondering. Those few days you were up in that building... what exactly happened?" Bakura looked at me. "Well, most of the time she was trying to get me for forget you and go for her, but I wouldn't. I told you that my heart already belonged to you, but she wouldn't listen." He sighed. "She kept saying that if I didn't change my mind, she would kill me." He paused. "Which reminds me... she had another reason for trying to kill me, too." I blinked. "What?" Bakura turned to look out over the ocean. "She said that once I was gone, you wouldn't be able to last. She said you would either commit suicide or die from a broken heart." I looked down. "And I would." Bakura spun to look at me, surprised. "What?" I looked up at him. "If you died, I wouldn't be able to go on. You're part of me and if you died, that part of me would die, too. And you're in my heart, Bakura. I doubt that I would commit suicide, but I would surely die from a broken heart." I sighed. "You forget I gave my heart to you, Bakura. And you gave your heart to me. We're both part of each other." Bakura smiled. "And we always will be." I smiled back. How I love him...

Now I can look at Bakura in a different way. Now I can see inside his heart... now I know he loves me... and I love him.

I love you, Bakura, and I know that I will love you
all my life.



may 23 2003

Oh! Very good news!! Last night I actually had a dream with Bakura in it!! He was in little snippets of dream here and there, but also in big parts, too (just like I wanted).
I feel so sorry for him, though. Halfway through the dream Bakura and Marik (♥) were both suffering badly from their Yamis. Bakura was fighitng back really hard, though, and so was Marik. (I love Marik too, so you know.) But during that time both Bakura and I were close to tears. (Bakura from pain (mostly) and I from seeing him that way) But anyway, he's OK now so I'm happy. 
...At the wedding ceremony, there was a little quote that said-- "From every human being comes a beam of light. However, when two are married, their two beams intertwine and become one beam of light, showing their close unity." Well, for Ryou and I, our little "beams of light" wouldn't be connected as one, but they wouldn't be solitary either. I'm sure that they would at least go around each other. We're close, but not wedding-type close.



may 21 2003

I hope so very much that I have a dream with me and Bakura in it. I've actually been praying for one but so far the closest I've got is seeing him walk by or catching a glimpse of him somewhere in my dream.  What I'm hoping is for a dream like the "crystal forest" = where the crystals hang in the air = and Bakura and I are right next to each other. I'll keep praying. <3



march 4th 2003

...If I ever happened to see my muse in physical form, I'm sure I would be caught between deciding to hug her or run away screaming. I picture my muse as something perfectly terrible, yet beautiful. Like my books, she portrays my ideas in which everything can be going along wonderfully when all of a sudden someone gets murdered or something. But if I ever met my muse and got to know it, I know that one day she would take Bakura, Mewtwo, Kerrigan and I back to that world... the world where Kerrigan would ask us if we wanted to climb that tree over the river and when we did we would climb it so high that we would be afraid of falling off, but of course we wouldn't fall because right about then we would start climbing up the cliff with wind and ice stinging our faces, and when we reached the top everything would be barren and cold, and then Bakura would suddenly follow his Ring to the place where it is eternally summer and crystals hang in midair and we would stare up at the clear blue sky and try to count them... but then we would have to stop because it was night and so we would go to that little lodge where Kaiadron was already asleep on the floor and we would sleep too but when we woke up I would be back in my room, with only distant memories to look back on when suddenly Kerrigan would run in and ask me if I wanted to go climb that tree over the river...