nov 12 2015

[prismaticbleed]

part one about therapy today and thoughts after.
(the family-session was too massive to write about yet. we have audio notes though)


 manic alters have NO SPIRITUAL CAPACITY. they have no patience for it, scoff at it, et cetera. it "gets in their way" as well.
we may be able to combat them by constantly carrying some spiritual reminder, as in something that cannot be ignored. knife's crosses may be the ideal solution here.
btw did we talk about those? knife's crosses. specifically necklaces with jeweled crosses attached.
he gave one to lynne and julie-- notably he GAVE HIS TO JULIE, then said he'd remake one for himself.
the purpose of the crosses is to act AS a spiritual safeguard, like a heavy shield. the ONLY ALTERS who scoff and squirm at the sight of a cross are ABUSIVE ALTERS. they view it as "silly and stupid" and ANYONE who says that about a cross should be AVOIDED.
oh. and don't forget. we all agreed that EVERYONE IN CENTRAL should have a cross, in their color, and with a specific shape. remember that there ARE several kinds of crosses and we HAVE those images saved in our folder. so go through that and figure out who wants what, if that works.
see if it would be better to buy or make these. remember, the physical cross necklace itself has NO POWER. it is not a talisman. the power comes from what it represents, what it protects, all that holy righteous love and goodness. that light is what it is a sign of, a reminder of, and THAT is what the cross-scoffers are really afraid of, and THAT says a lot.

 some notes to elaborate...
remember, symbols are HUGELY SIGNIFICANT in both headspace and the leagueworlds. they are a language very very close to our hearts, AND to the collective subconscious apparently, so they are unquestionably important.
crosses appear in a couple leagueworlds and their purpose is universal.
dream world= justice wears a cross, and blesses himself/others with its sign. he also carries a rosary, and his symbol is a cross-shaped judicial scale. nebisai originally had a cross mark on his forehead, framing his star jewel. myume has a cross-shaped tail. ankhcat wears/carries ankhs, very crosslike.
hokthai= hosea wears one, as a sign of "someone who loved humanity so much that, even if he knew it wasn't perfect, and even if it hated him, he was willing to die to save it." originally it was the sole possession that bosch left with him, something to remind hosea of his own role as the "savior unit" hokthai. in the revision it became a reminder (from his pastor) that "my life has worth too" and "i can do something better with this life." jezreel originally wore a "st peters cross?" the upside down one. it was never clarified if that was his own choice or not but that could be plot relevant so review that.
voltage= tox originally wore a huge ornate silver crucifix, and felt this way: "He looks down upon the corrupt men and women who allegedly preach God’s will in his society, and instead follows what he strongly feels is true and right (his deep faith may be an indirect result of the ever-present threat of death he faces...)"
also, remember cannon's (?) gen, gamboge, had a cross-shaped genstone because, to quote: "...although now commonly associated with positive organizations like the Red Cross and the Christian religion, crosses were originally used as torture devices in ancient times. I wanted Gam’s attribute to be both positive and negative, and a cross works well to signify this."



 parallel between the plush hacks and the childhood hacks???
both involve something innocent, naive, pure, childlike, soft, kind, etc. being USED. the plush, something totally unadulterated, is suddenly "emptied" of its self-ness (both with anchor and/or dream-friend plushes and with pre-named toys, like beanies) and POSSESSED by something evil, malevolent and corrupt. that vicious force then USES the plush to harm another innocent (us), and in the process, destroy the plush itself.
that is a HUGE PARALLEL and i cannot believe we didn't see it before.
but that ties into the other thing the therapist mentioned and that we forgot:

 the body tries to heal itself. nature does this. any disease WILL be evidenced in order for it to be cleaned out!!! THIS INCLUDES PSYCHO/EMOTIONAL DISEASE.
things like flashbacks, nightmares, floating emotions, panic attacks, psychosomatic illness, et cetera are ALL SYMPTOMS OF A BIGGER SICKNESS ROOT that NEEDS to be healed. it's like pulling out weeds-- if you don't get the entire root out, it'll grow back.

 back on the plush topic, that parallel adds another layer of sense as to why CELEBI was the first one used, as she was closely tied to our self-identity, having been our "self" for at least a year or two in 2001.

 healing from trauma requires FEELING the original trauma in order to process it?????
comparison between remembering good memories and traumatic ones=
good ones are seen almost as "data;" even if we remember something very good and nice, we won't relive it. we can watch it and smile at the recollection of the niceness, but it won't be like we're actually there.
traumatic memories, on the other hand, are INSTANTLY RELIVED. when we try to think about them, we get sucked in to the memory as if we were right there in the moment, PHYSICALLY as well as psychologically. we feel ALL 5 SENSES even if only in an internal sense, because they are nevertheless so vivid that we can't differentiate between them and reality anyway. and when we are reliving these trauma memories, the entire outside temporarily blacks out.
this happened WHILE we were sitting there and when we "came back," effectively by clawing our way out, we temporarily didn't know where we were, let alone WHEN. that's severely jarring.
we told her this, notably that we couldn't help the sudden reliving, we could only bail when it occurred, and she said that such a reaction to trauma memory is actually a PTSD FLASHBACK. i reeled from that a bit; that's been our life for years, we just thought we were either overreacting, or that it was normal.
we then said, our BIGGEST OBSTACLE in healing is that we tried to once, but we were unable to cope with the "healing crisis" of actually FEELING that initial horror... and ultimately this created alters in the System who claimed to be "totally healed and trauma-free!! :)" because they treated the trauma as "fine." THAT IS NOT WHAT HEALING IS!!!!!!

HOWEVER she also gave an example by asking, "do you remember how sometimes in therapy, we will bring up a heavy topic and it'll make you awfully nauseous?" and i said yeah, because it happened again today. but THEN she asked, "are you feeling that nausea again now, like it was happening all over again?" and i stopped. no, i wasn't. that was shocking. i'd never realized that all bad memories AREN'T FLASHBACKS.


 notes in car=
marik/markus and ryou/rio experienced that name change, color shift, and daemon manifestation AS ADULTS. THEY CANNOT HOLD THOSE ASPECTS IN TIMELOCKED HEARTSPACE (WHERE THEY ARE STILL KIDS)!!!!!