july 27th 2015

[prismaticbleed]

 

july 26th.

★★Jay not holding WHITE, per se, but being a "RAINBOW" QUITE LITERALLY
Laurie saying "there IS no Rainbow slot, you're EVERY COLOR."
possibly the TRUE role of the real Host, i.e. being able TO BE ANY/EVERY COLOR WITHOUT DISSONANCE??
jay has been reflecting this appearance-wise lately quite often; again, the subtlest shifts in hair color/style and eyes are MASSIVELY important (as certain qualities are tied to certain "bloodlines") and can mean there is an entirely different person around.

★ eros birthday bear? we still have it, does he still have it upstairs?
BEAR "SPECIES" UPSTAIRS?? (the underground bear, and all of his/minty's messengers)
also BUGS. (beetles, ants, glowworms, spiders, butterflies, etc.) maybe tied to CEL??? the clock-wings one, mind!!


thoughts on eros and the past:

November 27th 2012 said my "real center" is Red, even though I resonate with snow. Then said that the Angel Helmet AND my 'Eros form' were the inspirations for ALL OUR ASCENDED FORMS. Still no idea how those apply btw. Plus the triple-4th was the NEXT DAY (CEL WAS THERE)

February 10th 2012 was the discovery of the Blood Lotus Cathedral, an incredibly major event. First, I never noticed until now, but J put on the Angel Helmet three times under different circumstances-- first, in the Oasis Room, it made him look how MY Soul Form looks now. Second, talking to Laurie, it turned him red & white, like "peppermint," effectively the color scheme J himself held then… and third, with Chaos, it made him look like Eros (gold wings (he did have a color conflict at first), red ribbon). Since the Helmet outwardly manifests virtuous qualities, it's notable to see that it apparently changes with context, and the Eros appearance ONLY showed up with CZ.
Then, when fighting the Tar & Razor (pre-anchor) downstairs, those two fused and then TURNED INTO "CELEBI", after which J was stripped of his defenses and turned into Eros in response--
"…it kept bringing up the 17th, then it turned into the celebi form of my old self, still made of tar, it felt very frightening. lynne put a shield up between us because it was getting dangerously close, but after a while of it screaming i walked through the shield, said it was something i needed to deal with. this made me turn into eros form, like in the cathedral. the tar laughed and said i was more vulnerable then ever now, i was scared it would abuse me, but i stood strong. laurie was terrified for me though."
Sorry for the dramatic emphasis; it's just that those two seem to have many connections we overlooked.


January 18 2012: J was referred to as "Eros" as a name at least twice during this… which is shocking, because THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION WAS ABOUT MISTRANSLATION, IN LIGHT OF THE SUICIDAL CELEBI FALLOUT. THAT SINGLE CONCERN WAS WHAT CREATED EROS, AND KILLED HIM. Since I no longer have the mistranslation problem post-Infi-- who WAS the love core in that Celebi shadow-- that is notable in and of itself, tied to this name and its behavior.

The first name-drop was by Laurie, BUT in this context: "You still don't believe you have the right to be who you are, Eros… you're love, not lust. Ever... but you still aren't sure if you love yourself, are you?" And J said NO. THAT'S VERY SIGNIFICANT. She also said, in response to J trying to fit the mythological "Cupid" title exactly: "Stop getting so hung up on names, boy. They're guidelines for missions. You know who you are."
The second name-drop was by CZ, after things had calmed down. He said "at heart you're only love," and when J questioned that, CZ responded by calling him Eros… a little disturbing how both of these name-drops were tied to denials of self-worth.

★★★ THE REAL EROS LOVES HIMSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE.
THE SEXUAL DRIVERS LIKE JACINTH AND AZALEA DON’T UNDERSTAND LOVE AT ALL.

EROS WAS EXPLICITLY TIED TO CELEBI AT FIRST. DOES THAT STILL APPLY IN ANY WAY?? even color?

about celebi:
"A small but powerful creature of time, incredibly rare, who protected old forests and their inhabitants, and was said to bring an egg from the future where it traveled. They can restore life, they're genderless of course, they can purify shadows... "It is thought that so long as Celebi appears, a bright and shining future awaits us.""
heartspace IS AN OLD FOREST
egg from the future POSSIBLY BEING THE LOST CHILD??? (xenophon's theoretical sibling) infi SENT their "egg" TO THE FUTURE months ago and they NEVER SHOWED UP. no idea but it's a thought. feels odd.
RESTORING LIFE/PURIFYING SHADOWS IS HUGELY IMPORTANT THOUGH


july 27th.

last night, tuning infinitii into STAINED GLASS in dark holy places, for hir rainbow resonance. TRUE black realms.
euphoric about it, "thank you;" infi had been sticking with sheer black with just pearls as accents, that was problematic because there was NO COLOR.

laurie looking through old images we had saved, got inspiration for HER realm at long last (she's been very troubled for weeks about that; she had no idea where to start, or what it should even look like-- felt this uncertainty was totally unfit for a centralite, let alone one with a job as huge as hers). so she was starting to build it as we spoke.
space skies, carpets of violet flowers, FLOATING LANTERNS!!! it's a big vast gorgeous place, you feel small but safe all at once.
she was so, so happy. it made my heart just glow.

in therapy today (27th),

therapist pointed out our "robotic persona"= tied to how we want to be "treated like an 'object?'" said it was protective? safe "dehumanization," to keep away "unsafe" people-- i.e. the people who would talk to us as a robot/object are safe, those who wouldn't aren't.
this roboticness tied to THIRD PERSON VIEW of self!!

machinelike SURVIVAL INSTINCT? "don’t feel, just do what you need to do."
mentioned how we present EVERYTHING as "data," it's all very logical and precise and precise. no feeling, just facts.
BUT emotions are SOMEWHERE. hence the "background hum of unease" the autopilot keeps mentioning but can't understand.


thoughts later in the evening...

cel= TIME
cz= SPACE
tied into heartspace in that they are BOTH 'demigod' figures for lack of a better term?
both the woods and the ocean open up into other worlds?? specifically headspace???
those two have always had this unignorable, powerful similarity on symbolic levels, from the very start.