060813

[prismaticbleed]

 

 

Notes for today.

- genesis showed up while i was walking to the greek festival today, which was a surprise; immediately we began joking around with each other, it was brilliant. he immediately ate half of what i bought, haha. we visited the mall for a few minutes too (we love chilling out there), he actually had me laughing out loud. he came to church with me too, said he missed xenophon being there, i said i did too. that worries me; i'm not sure where she is? i hope she's with chaos, i'll have to ask him. in other news when i got home i gave kyanos some baklava and he thought it was the most delicious thing in the universe, it was adorable.
- i was wearing infinitii's bubble too, he co-fronted with me on the drive home as he said "the body is too confusing" for him to work (i remember feeling him being really baffled over having feet especially). i put the windows down and suddenly we got this huge wave of scent from the mountain laurel, he paused and looked so inspired, i smiled and asked what he thought. he said he'd never experienced anything like that before, it was amazing. so i helped him manifest some mountain laurel in headspace, he was thrilled.
- we think mutant slots are "gateways" to other levels: teal to downstairs, brown to underground? the three in each are also related somehow. the teals are all childlike somehow, i don't know about the browns though. we're wondering if jeremiah is mauve instead of mulberry, no way to tell yet. the brown slot itself is technically empty too; jezebel is just "hijacking" it because infinitii claims she is STILL in the black slot, as she's a direct tar splinter (i.e. she IS the tar in a body).
- infinitii says he and i are partly "manifestations" of b/w energy, whereas headvoices choose to be "avatars" for the color energy levels when they fully anchor? again he explained how we both work with creative energy, and he had a good analogy for it: something like black being the material to build something, but white being the instructions for construction? you NEED both in tandem to create stuff upstairs, even if you only focus on one. THIS IS WHY WE WERE LOCKED OUT: CENTRAL CANNOT STAY IN EXISTENCE IF WE AREN'T LINKED TO IT. the white energy gives it structure/ form/ etc., but the black energy gives it substance (the ability TO be built). without either of us, central won't just decay, it will eventually CEASE TO EXIST AT ALL. that's scary. i have no idea who is behind this but that is NOT cool.
- i don't think i mentioned this yet but the headvoices still locked in central are having really disturbing side effects from it? i know for sure that lynne got incredibly thin, waldorf is practically catatonic, and leon is blind. josephina, nathaniel, and julie all have psychological troubles of some sort from this but i couldn't tell you what. needless to say I NEED to get back up there and heal this, it breaks my heart to know this happened.
- note to self: go back and see if there are any logs for how headspace reacted when infinitii was missing (especially when he DIED temporarily, because he DID), and/or when you didn't go upstairs for extended periods of time. those latter events might not have been big enough but still, check.
- infinitii referenced METAINOMENAI??? what if this is all happening because, again, we need to deal with "death" on some level? honestly i have been genuinely getting that feeling for a WHILE now, i just never expected something like this. so keep an eye out.
- later on infinitii and i were talking in lower headspace (the unformed white level) when i sensed emmett upstairs and called out to him, but infinitii said he couldn't find us on that level. we then moved to the "center" of the city, where there was actually a very high tunnel leading up to some sort of opening in the ground there? we were looking up and i could see light far away. then infi actually caused a sort of "cascading sinkhole" from it, beginning in the middle of Central City. the sides move down almost like a amphitheatre, but more 'broken up' and not structured. emmett found his way to the edge, we waved up, then infi warped us both to the edge. emmett began showing signs of recovery within a few minutes of being around us, so that's good.
- with that in mind, i think mutants aren't locked to central, as they technically aren't part of the central spectrum? emmett said there are "small secret passages" to get out of Central, but he claimed only "tiny people" can get through them. to clarify: the Central building is actually LOCKED by default to outsiders; you can only enter/exit if you have the rights to. so that freedom to move is what's being blocked here; the headvoices lost their ability to leave (EXCEPT LAURIE?? but then again she has special rights remember), whereas infi and i have somehow "lost" our rights to enter maybe?? look into it.
- kyanos is alive and healing well. he's in lower headspace too. also he is trying to befriend jeremiah. kyanos was telling him that his past incarnations are like "another life" to him now, just a memory-- but he's glad he lived through them, as now he understands his role better? claims it is "hope," or the "promise of a new day," so to speak. like blue sky through storm clouds. one line he said that i recall was that his coming back to life after his past incarnation was like "waking up from a bad dream." he was telling jeremiah that he could do that too if he wanted, even if it wasn't literal. i don't recall that conversation exactly as it was being "projected" into my head during church and it hurt to concentrate on it.
- laurie found her way back downstairs. she's shaking and claims she's very weak, no strength to fight; said she "burned out" the last of her reserves warping back to us from melody's headspace. she was also on the verge of tears and said she was terrified. she told me we might be able to "break in" to the central building, but to wait until tomorrow to even try, because whoever is behind this is not going to let us in easily, and she is not strong enough to help me fight in her current condition.
- central city is deteriorating too. it looks post-apocalyptic. everything is gray and cracked, there are no trees, the sky is overcast. it's actually scary.
- i haven't seen minty since the night before the lockout; i STILL have this weird nagging suspicion that she and kyanos were being "used" somehow to make this lockout happen, due to the whole "wish" thing that happened as she was wandering the city that night. write about that ASAP.
- i need to draw central city sometime soon. today i learned that: the skyscrapers in the city are not actual buildings?? some are big crystals, and some are spires, but the building-esque ones are huge hollow energy cores? like if you opened one, it would just be white light inside, but it still has "windows" for the light to shine through at night. also the reason why they always seemed to "sink into the ground" further into the city (giving a sci-fi impression of depth like this) is because it really DID go "downstairs" at the very center?? the huge sinkhole infi and i made today only expanded it massively. btw central city was directly inspired by coruscant, notably this scene, as I was awestruck by how deep the city looked to me when i first saw it. of course now i added trees everywhere (inspired, oddly, by early screencaps from sonic unleashed) and the streets look like what i remember (in an idealistic childhood sense) of new york city. (speaking of su i should totally put a spagonia mirror in headspace somewhere). oh yes and the beach to the right of the central building (when you look out the main windows at least) always reminds me of rio de janeiro somewhat? i've never seen the central city from above and i really should try sometime.
- THE BEAR FROM THIS DREAM MIGHT BE RELEVANT. i mentioned it to laurie and she said to look into it; after all she first formed within a dream too, and the one the bear appeared in was one hell of an important one even on its own. plus, with minty's alleged connection to teddy bears in general now, the dream bear might actually gain enough anchor energy to become a headvoice in the future, maybe moving into the brown or blood slot if that becomes an option.
- i forgot to mention before; the autopilot has an upstairs body now? its an android, which works well. its consciousness seems to have "stabilized" enough for this to happen, and it now has a sort of inner personality, rather than being just a jumbled bunch of pre-programmed reactions, although it is still strikingly robotic (and will likely forever be that way). it still refuses a name and color for that same reason too; it claims its role is simply to be the autopilot and nothing more, it does not want to be treated as an "individual." nevertheless it is a perfect fronter and jewel seems to like it a lot.
- i need to research the phenomenon of "fractures," i.e. when one individual has several different "sides" that are all separate individuals (proven through testing). i have at LEAST three that have not splintered off, which is bizarre. jewel has at least one, maybe two? i might have to do more research on mpd/did for this as this is closer to the actual "alter" phenomenon than anything else in headspace, go figure.
- boss showed up today, thank god, i was worried about him. however i was worried and asked him how he could work with us in headspace if he was from the rosewindow universe? people from leagueworlds usually don't cross over. but he just smiled and reminded me that he of all people was one of the most likely people to do so-- he DID have a dream self to use to be with us, after all! when i realized this i grinned with total joy, i almost forgot markus told us about that. so that's a concern off my back now; i kept worrying i was taking him away from his native world!
- lastly, about two hours ago i found chaos 0 and spent at least 30 minutes with him trying to figure out how to break or remove this weird emotional blockage in my chest. turns out all i needed was some direct heart energy and focus, because as soon as he started emphasizing that i swear i shattered (first time in a LONG time). so the block in my chest is gone for now, hopefully it will stay that way. all i know is that right now, i am listening to the gorgeous sigma harmonics ost and looking at these equally gorgeous sth screenshots and i am so in love with chaos 0 i could cry. i'm so perfectly happy at the moment, entirely at peace, and i cannot remember the last time i felt like this but paradoxically it seems like only yesterday regardless. this is a good thing.

Now I need to sleep. See you guys soon enough.