july 8 2015

[prismaticbleed]

 

All right.
First of all, I am very very sorry for the apparent truckload of negative/ pained/ confused/ scared entries that have been appearing here lately.
As usual, I have not read them, but I should. I can't tonight; I have to get to sleep in literally 5 minutes or we're in trouble (we've been getting <5 hours for the past three days and the body is not happy about that).

We have a day off from work tomorrow so we plan to spend the morning PAINTING SHIRTS before therapy.
We're halfway done with our first set and we want to finish them so we can start the next. It'll be fun. It's a great coping method/ stress relief thing too.

The job is great, we adore it. Waldorf and Kyanos are the main people standing by in Central to chat about it, Jayce is the main fronter, Spine and Lynne stop by often, Laurie is always standing in the background somewhere.

We're saving up for a new iPod, because although we love Razia and he's the most loyal thing ever, he's landlocked so we haven't had new music on him since 2012.
I sleepily tried singing something to see if our new voice still matches me inside (as the host). It does. I'm elated.
In 2010 and later, our pitchshifted voice was higher and younger. It matched Pinstripe, Adakias, Cupid, you name them. But I have a lower voice than they do the way it is. And it's slowly pitchshifting in reality, too, so to speak. Which is lovely.

We did a "spell" tonight, something completely spur-of-the-moment but heartfelt. Someone used to do those before, I think Mulberry actually does. But I mean, the sort of childlike-honesty, unplanned but entirely sincere spells, like this. Someone has done these before.
Anyway, tried banishing all negative things/ Tar/ Plague/ etc. from Chaos' anchor plush. We're trying. We really are.
We've been thinking nonstop about this situation for about a week now. We've realized just how many fronters and alters we're dealing with here, as well as how many fractures CZ has.
We're also having to re-face some old stuff with another person, who's just as utterly confusing and vitally irreplacable. But we'll talk about that tomorrow, or Friday.

Death is still always in the back of our minds, just as violet as Laurie, just as unignorable, just as compassionate, just as sharp.
Life is a tricky thing but we're learning how to handle it better.

Right now (yes, this is Jay, if you couldn't tell), there's hope. Thank God, so to speak. Hope's been somewhat elusive as of late, and so have I, to be honest.
But, to reiterate what everyone always says in here... we're managing. We're still working on our life, still doing our best. And we are.


I'm sorry. I'm the most guilty of degenerating into platitudes if I'm not careful. I'm too optimistic, sometimes.
I'm doing well. I have to help everyone else do well now.
Have a good night. ♥