090117

 

 

quick notes as it's realtime 5am but i dont want to forget this.

trauma healing in the morning. some major fear and confusion, but we DEALT with it. healed and cleared it. MONUMENTAL.

kristanova and ollie cofronting. we are all bruises now i and i could not be happier

i... i think kris also said "i love you" and i just
cannot find the words to express how i feel about that just good lord

infi, me, genesis, chaos zero. harmonia, leon, nathaniel. mulberry, knife, algorith, razor. ashen, waldorf, lynne.
(type about all of that asap)

chaos zero saying "remind him that it's just seawater" and emphasizing the constancy and incorruptibility of love.
clearly remember him saying something and putting his hand to our chest where the ruby would be, because the vibe hit me like a shockwave and even now is driving me to ardent tears. god.

genesis fronting, heck yes he's AWESOME.
i remember him saying ollie Had to listen to mika because he sounds JUST like him, and is also gay and french, haha. (here's the most upbeat tune he's got, i adore it.)

harmonia laughing at something and infi coming RIGHT in during said laugh, scared ollie in the good way

mulberry getting us out of bed, all business but warmhearted.
kissed ollie's shoulder and immediately knife came out, that's his style. kissed ollie's hand and talked to him a bit.
algorith coming out!! immediate accent lock-in for them both btw. that's so incredible to remember. i cannot imitate how they talk at all. it just happens and i hear it later. ollie saying al's accent actually sounds local? she laughed good-naturedly at this. "that's what i get for being vermilion;" the accents around here are solidly orange/amber/etc. in sound for us.
razor coming out and just sitting there perfectly content as ollie mussed up her hair. no talking yet; she's self-conscious about how she sounds. but gosh we love her, we really do.

thunderstorms!!! BEAUTIFUL.
anxious at first because of family flashbacks, but as soon as we got out into the rain we were golden.

kristanova driving. he's such an awesome guy. really meant a lot, too; he kept reminding us to breathe, that we'd be okay, there was nothing to worry about.

wearing that navy coat and SOMEONE we've never seen before fronting who LOVES thunderstorms?? inhuman but humanoid nousfoni, name resonating precisely as "elucidae."
either harbor blue or indigo?? feeling specifically: the latter if lightning is part of their resonance, the former if not

tried to get ssi stuff done but we got there too late and there were SO many people, not worth sticking around and waiting when we had too many other things to do. so we left.
scalpel being pulled to front as we passed a car booming a muffled bassline? immediate childhood terror trigger. but scalpel resonates with "darker" music feelings? said he was a "reclaimer;" mentioned that once that sound was an omen but not anymore; "it's mine now."
HUGELY IMPORTANT. wondering if ALL the "darkspacers" are like that?
but yeah, NEW nousfoni class, and a staggeringly vital one too. thank god. oh thank god. we need these people SO MUCH now.

laundromat day.

stopped at "why not pizza" and got fried mushrooms, a chicken salad, and jalapeno poppers. daring!! used to all be fear food. but we enjoyed every bit of it. we're not afraid to eat anthing with oliver, it's such a staggeringly significant fact. god bless him.
so yes, we just sat together and ate it and talked.
doctor phil was on the tv and unfortunately it started to get really triggering after a while so we left.

stopped at food lion. scared that people were going to compulsive-buy. BUT genesis showed up and reminded them of what THEY really felt, and we DIDN'T get anything harmful-- furthermore those buyers DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GET SUCH THINGS. dear lord. that's a milestone, for this to be anchoring in so legitimately.
no one wants to hurt the body anymore. no one wants to adhere to family toxic loops anymore. no one wants to be a slave to old not-working behavior patterns anymore. we slip up under heavy stress, true, but it's because we're so used to toxic coping methods. but every day, we learn. EVERY day. it's tangible. we learn and we forgive and we heal and we love and we keep moving forwards.

stopped at the library! lovely place.
went to the library! couldn’t get a card as we needed i.d. but it was so nice to just walk around.
trusted our intuition, walked through the scifi section. saw a ray bradbury short story collection, immediately grabbed it. THEN saw "do androids dream of electric sheep" which we had JUST mentioned to kyo last night, so got that too. can't wait to read them both.

i know we watched more of "cosmos" with kyo tonight, too. gosh we love spending time with her like that.