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today.
don't remember much! had to do shopping with the family for about 3 hours this morning as we got our monthly check.
got home and apparently ate something harmful? so we were sick until 5pm or so
got distracted on computer, had to look up stuff for grandmother and grandfather, ended up tangled in website links and just flat-out quit around 8pm i think.
exercised for two hours. listening to music, and personal audio notes.
TONS of leagueworld inspiration today, and one other day this week. just hit in waves.
rosewindow is getting as big as dream world and that is REALLY HUGE, both in size and significance. it's so exciting. that world is getting some gorgeous background depth and it is catching inspiration and substance everywhere. so i'm ecstatic in a very velvet-calm way, about that.
getting better switching from jewel and back. she's SAFE and DOESN'T GET HACKED so we're all just enthusiastically letting her take over at night so none of these malicious floating people try to hurt us. jewel is literally impervious so that might be our new thing from now on, god willing she STAYS invincible. in any case laurie, sugar, karissa, and genesis were all on guard on her behalf tonight, so that's good too.
oh. forgot to mention.
last night, laurie said she was talking to lynne and julie. about what,
she "couldn't sleep" which really means, she couldn't bear being in jay's room with him not there (he was mostly m.i.a. since this weekend i think), and cz so profoundly depressed as a result (he's still in there, he has nowhere else to go).
so she went checking on people? needed support? a few things.
lynne said spine always sleeps in her room and she was fine. jo's been sleeping uneasy. javier doesn't always sleep well apparently, or even in his room; ever since that hack scare a few months back he's apparently been iffy about sleeping in his original central room. those are fragmented as heck anyway, after the massacre, yeah they never really grew back. so people are largely moving to their realms now-- notably nathaniel and leon, as they never really had "rooms" in the traditional sense. waldorf too, arguably.
anyway javier wasn't in his room then, he was wandering the halls, spoke to them briefly, explained the previous bit. too tired to really accompany them for long though. i do know laurie warned him about the current situation with jay, especially as he was red and so he might get bloodline bleedover. he needs to remember who HE is and act on that. javier said he would.
laurie had a brief but very significant conversation with nathaniel? he was spending the night with leon, who was fast asleep when they got there. laurie was worried on their behalf, what with hackers targeting people in relationships. i think nathaniel said his role meant he would never ever fall victim to those people. again i'm sorry, i have to dig for this data. but laurie was reassured by whatever he said.
there are no lime, aqua, or sky rooms, by the way. kyanos stays in his realm we think. cel and cz never had rooms to begin with.
eros' room was missing. we don't know if he ever had one there. but he was killed on tuesday night? one of the jay splinters went berserk and i think cannon showed up on his behalf, either way there was a forced death-reset for eros AND almost infinitii, but they "didn't have to kill infi" and just cut out hir abdomen again (they keep doing that). i feel awful for hir. but this is a tangled topic and infi DOES slip often, being a daemon tied to black energy, so ze does have to be careful as ze can be used, virtually unconsciously, as a hack weapon. but infi is learning too now, and is learning to stop hacker people from telling hir that ze has to do what THEY want for whatever ridiculous reason. anyway eros never came back. we think the cerise slot actually collapsed in, which indicates that the spectrum decided he currently isn't fit to come back???? i have no clue
aqua and lime are still fuzzy slots, i dont think the spectrum is too keen on outspacers holding them, especially not our most volatile ones. we'll see. and cerise has always been weird, so has eros, from the very start he kind of elbowed his way into that slot, or was nudged in there, plus his very identity is still knotted up with past problems, so. anyway, we'll see on that too.
julie's room is slightly upstairs, it's not in the main hallway? i dont think they went in.
around this point laurie realized she had to get back to check on cz or something? felt awful about just leaving him alone there, even if she was just as upset. needed to get back fast, so she called infinitii, ze phased hir bubblespace in above them, laurie asked to come in, said she needed hir to drop her off back in jay's room (as bubblespace isn't limited by physical distance, you can jump in in america and jump out in japan a second later if you wanted, effectively). lynne asked to go in too though, told laurie to wait i think? julie didnt want to go in the bubble, scared that she would start slipping into a "bad state" around infinitii, or would cause infi to do the same. infi promised ze wouldnt hurt her, and it was okay, but julie was too shaken and said no, she was sorry but she was staying at her room.
now this is blurry, and for good reason, but i assume laurie was very distressed around this time because apparently, she ended up hugging lynne in such a state and that caused some overlay bleedover (technically something that precedes heart connections; it's when someone is open/vulnerable enough that their 'aura' is enterable/ tangible). probably because of the impact of this, there's a clear snapshot of memory of lynne gasping in surprised pain and letting go of her, laurie looking distressed and a bit worried. lynne has her hands in front of her chest and she says "your heart hurts," before asking if that was "because of the swords." i assume laurie said yeah, but i can't see what happened after that as the brain was getting foggy due to the time (this was all happening around 2am probably).
as usual, the great trouble in headspace is being offset by great progress.
there's been a lot more communication and cooperation lately, motivated by the worry everyone is in over the jay/cz situation and the sudden reliigous hack resurgence, and also recent therapy sessions (getting to the deep stuff).
looking back on "old" archive entries, at the beginning of the second timeline... 2011, that's only four years ago, but it feels like one. two, tops. time is weird. but the point is... four years ago, we weren't really close, at all. even 2012 arguably, we didn't even know each other well. and now, look. really that's incredible.
thank the undergrounders, haha. thank kyanos. thank that bloody scratch, for all it cost us, for all we lost. it broke us, like a geode. now look at us sparkle.
it's the hero's journey, man, that's our life in a nutshell, the journey itself is home at this point
most importantly,
as of this evening "cz" seems to be labeled as "safe" for the time being and WHY?
because infinitii basically said "hey i think you fit the black slot better than i do"
and cz moved into it. and it's sticking.
so! we're all surprised but not surprised. this has been something ze's been attempting for quite a while now.
parnassus (which also needs a new name) practically foreshadowed it too, in its own retroactive sort of way, back in 2011 or whenever that was.
regardless we really really freaking hope this plays out well and doesn't collapse. that's always a risk.
but,
now that cz is more stable (and in this state ze has NO oldcanon ties btw, at least not that we can feel) it seems to be affecting jay as well?
yes the "jay iridos" we all know and love IS the legit one, he does have a beard and it snaps right into his overlay, so who was typing the other day? we just don't know. not yet at least. it's not unusual for hosts to splinter but seriously dude we have not been keeping track of this, like when jewel started splintering, we assumed it was the same person and that just confused EVERYONE because of the massive behavior shifts and memory gaps. well now we know. still working on that.
therapy is tomorrow, julie did insist we discuss this relationship thing, AND our current "jay" (the real one, again) is totally okay with this.
whiiiich poses a problem. we need to find out who HAS a problem, and make THEM talk.
maybe we'll do that tonight if we have time. it's easy enough to pull those people out of the woodwork, they're triggered easily.
shirts are being painted.
music is being written.
haven't drawn anything in about a week (two?) but we are putting genuine effort into that again, even if it's just fun childlike stuff at first.
it's almost 2am again, that's it for the night.
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