the spectrum heart cathedral system

focus on the good!


GOOD THINGS ON SAT 0601
1. Breakfast was ALL CARROT TAILS which was special (and of course Xenophon loves it ♥)
2. WE HAVE $100 TO GET US THROUGH THE WEEK THANK YOU GOD!!
3. I was REALLY BRAVE and tried a whole 2 spoons of oat bran!!

GOOD THINGS ON SUN 0602
1. CORPUS CHRISTI PROCESSION & OUTDOORS ADORATION!!
2. I was able to receive the Precious Blood of Christ TWICE.

GOOD THINGS ON MON 0603
1. BRAVELY tried hempseed today instead of eggs & DIDN'T GET SICK!

GOOD THINGS ON TUE 0604
1. Finally finished "The Princess & the Goblin"! Now we can start the June book club read!
2. Rewatched Dr. Ordway's lectures and they are SO much more impactful this time

GOOD THINGS ON WED 0605
1. Got mom a lot of food to help her the next few days at work
2. Absolutely stunning synchronicity convictions with lectures & Bible study
3. Went to Mass at NOoL and THEY STILL GIVE THE PRECIOUS BLOOD!!

GOOD THINGS ON THU 0606
1. Very quiet & slow day with lots of rain. Unusual & new but oddly nice.
2. Did some step machine exercise for once! Helps combat the restless anxiety

GOOD THINGS ON FRI 0607
1. Sacred Heart morning mass!

GOOD THINGS ON SAT 0608
1. CWC!! ♥
2. Outside on campus, by ourself. We miss this place so much.
3. THE BLESSING FROM THAT LADY

GOOD THINGS ON SUN 0609
1. Beautiful Mass morning

GOOD THINGS ON MON 0610
1. Slept in & prayed
2. Slow day, ate well

GOOD THINGS ON TUE 0611
(N/A)

GOOD THINGS ON WED 0612
1. Early breakfast, so there were rainbows all over the table
2. Bible Study group!
3. So many people helped me financially

GOOD THINGS ON THU 0613
1. Spent lots of time with mom
2. Got to drive & see the sunset
3. Went to mass at QOTA!

GOOD THINGS ON FRI 0614
1. Beautiful thunderstorm
2. Perfectly quiet day; no phone calls or texts

GOOD THINGS ON SAT 0615
(N/A)

GOOD THINGS ON SUN 0616
1. Dad said "I love you" and hugged me THREE TIMES!

GOOD THINGS ON MON 0617
1. Ice cream with mom

GOOD THINGS ON TUE 0618
1. INSIDE OUT 2!!! ♥♥♥ Oh my gosh this movie went STRAIGHT TO MY HEART

GOOD THINGS ON WED 0619
1. BIBLE STUDY
2. SCOTT HAHN
3. AMAZING LECTURES

GOOD THINGS ON THU 0620
(N/A)

GOOD THINGS ON FRI 0621
1. Mom smiled when I kissed her
2. Thunderstorm!!

GOOD THINGS ON SAT 0622 -- MON 0624
(N/A)

GOOD THINGS ON TUE 0625
1. KELLY!!!

GOOD THINGS ON WED 0626 -- SAT 0629
(N/A)

GOOD THINGS ON SUN 0630
1. FINALLY got back to biking & did an entire 90 minutes

GOOD THINGS ON MON 0631
1. FOUGHT SO HARD against mental illness; didn't give up


♥♥♥

OBSTACLES TO JOY THIS MONTH...
1. THIS DAMNABLE EATING DISORDER

focus on the good!


GOOD THINGS ON SAT 0518
1. Absolutely gorgeous almost-summer rainy day, cool & foggy & green. Celebi weather. ♥
2. Father P.'s front garden is now FULL OF LAVENDER COLORED IRISES
3. Ate a full 1050K, including bonus cucumber, & didn't purge OR panic

GOOD THINGS ON SUN 0519
1. Confirmation Mass! We got to sing the prayer "Veni Creator Spiritus" which was beautiful
2. Got to watch the homily from the National Basilica in D.C. (our "second home") LIVE while exercising today!
3. Some really good worship music recommendations, keeping my spirits up

GOOD THINGS ON MON 0520
1. Read my FAVORITE PSALM today, which I needed so badly to remember
2. Another night drive with music straight to the heart; I need this
3. CLEANED THE SINK at last, which makes my house & head both feel cleaner

GOOD THINGS ON TUE 0521
1. Went to THREE food drives for Jade. It was arduous but absolutely worth the effort
2. Didn't gripe or complain over extra errands & phone calls, but cooperated with kindness
3. That BEAUTIFUL APPLE at the food drive that looked like God had painted it with a brush by Hand. We literally just sat and admired it up close for at least five solid minutes

GOOD THINGS ON WED 0522
1. Really convicting/ important lectures & Bible study today; thanks Holy Spirit
2. SONDAE JUST RELEASED A NEW ALBUM AND IT'S BLESSEDLY AMAZING
3. Fought addiction HARD on behalf of my brother; sacrifice ego for love of other

GOOD THINGS ON THU 0523
1. Got to visit my brother at his new place, & meet his friend & their kitten!
2. Had a hospital procedure for ~5 hours which was actually great downtime; I needed a break
3. Ate a "normal breakfast" thanks to the hospital procedure & didn't panic or get nauseous; thanks God!!


♥♥♥

OBSTACLES TO JOY THIS WEEK...
1. NOT taking time to do this list
2. Internet distraction/ distress
3. OBSESSIVE & COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR

JOY SPARKS TO KINDLE NEXT WEEK...
1. JOURNALING!!! TALK IT OUT
2. Seriously FINISH READING
3. You NEED to decompress at night

focus on the good!


GOOD THINGS ON WED 0501
1. Posted my reflections in the weekly WOF Book Club & it was received positively
2. 1/3 into the year and we've done every daily Bible+Catechism In A Year study so far faithfully
3. Spent some time reviewing old inspirations/ poetry on our Tumblr loveblog to "set the stage" to return to it in earnest

GOOD THINGS ON THU 0502
1. Finished my online audio studies on the Saint Paul Center; now we can move forwards to the next kind
2. Started reading the next fairytale ("The Light Princess") for this month's book club
3. The trees outside my window are green with leaf buds & they looked so beautiful against the clear blue sky... especially since that exact color combination reminds me of both Celebi & Chaos 0

GOOD THINGS ON FRI 0503
1. Discovered a new worship song that put words to exactly what I needed to pray
2. Started a new religious lecture course and it is already both deeply inspiring & shockingly educational
3. Worked up the courage to voice my opinion in the WOF book club although no one else shared my views

GOOD THINGS ON SAT 0504
1. Got to SMELL THE WISTERIA regrowing up at the homestead-- the exact same from my childhood (it didn't die and neither did we)
2. Beautiful spring rain all evening, with that "emerald" scent that wet forests have-- it was 100% Celebi and went straight to my heart
3. Started a new book (The Princess and the Goblin), even if only the first 5 pages, and I'm already fascinated

GOOD THINGS ON SUN 0505
1. First Holy Communion at church, so it was PACKED, notably with kids and families, which was lovely to see
2. The lilacs by the church (the pastel colored ones) are in full bloom & they smell so beautiful
3. Saw Father P. out planting seeds in his garden & wearing pajama pants; it was such a simply sweet human moment, it meant a lot

GOOD THINGS ON MON 0506
1. Managed to get a full hour of exercise in (I missed yesterday)
2. By a crazy sequence of "not quite coincidences," I GOT MY CHILDHOOD FAIRYTALE BOOK BACK!!
3. Driving LATE (9PM) to pick up mom, & listening to music on the highway

GOOD THINGS ON TUE 0507
1. Got a "happy birthday" phone call from dad AND texts from ALL my siblings!
2. Indulged my sense of childlike wonder/ joy/ affection & got mom an "I love you" balloon
3. SURVIVED TO AGE 34!!! Seriously BY THE GRACE OF GOD, may He guide & protect us still!! ♥

GOOD THINGS ON WED 0508
1. MOM'S BIRTHDAY! ♥ Genuinely moved/ struck with thinking about how much I really do love her
2. Let my body sleep in a bit for once; we were so exhausted we needed it
3. Seriously convicting Bible study, but we needed the severe honest correction

GOOD THINGS ON THU 0509
1. Ascension Thursday! ♥ Mass was during the "golden hour" and everything looked so beautiful
2. Unexpectedly heard my favorite "night song" from college on the drive home & everything felt transcendently bittersweet
3. Found some more good music while biking today; I'm learning that I don't "have to like everything" blindly

GOOD THINGS ON FRI 0510
1. AMAZING counseling session; completely unexpected. HUGE insights into habitualized trauma behaviors
2. Ran several errands for mom that she later genuinely thanked me for; proving I CAN be kind & reliable
3. Synchronicity with night drive music giving me MASSIVE consolation & brought me to tears

GOOD THINGS ON SAT 0511
1. Talked to my choir director about my debilitating struggles with scrupulosity lately; he deals with it too so he UNDERSTANDS & CARES
2. Had a very honest confession concerning the scrupulosity discussion, and ACTUALLY felt freer when it was over; powerful grace to keep trying
3. In prayer after, FELT like Mary DID LOVE ME. No fear. That's SO SIGNIFICANT for me. Don't ever forget this; keep praying!

♥♥♥

OBSTACLES TO JOY THIS WEEK...
1. "GUILT/SHAME" over feeling any happiness
2. Undermining "the bright side"
3. Giving in to "monotony despair"
4. STOP WASTING TIME ONLINE!!

JOY SPARKS TO KINDLE NEXT WEEK...
1. TALK TO THE SYSTEM MORE OFTEN
2. PUT ASIDE EVEN 10 MINUTES TO READ AT NIGHT

"BE GOOD TO YOURSELF."


FOOD
9am breakfast (during Partial) =  jazz apple, 1 cup soymilk, 2/3 cup allbran, 2 hardboiled eggs, 1 cup hot cinnamon sunset tea (422K/ 60c/ 15f/ 25p)
12pm lunch (during Partial) = pink lady apple, brioche bun, 1 tbsp mayo, lettuce & tomato, black pepper, perdue chicken breast, cheddar sun chips (562k/ 65c/ 22f/ 27p)
1630 dinner (offline) = 4 grapes, fortune cookie (do what's RIGHT, not what you "should"), broccoli, spinach, 1 hardboiled egg, english muffin w/ soybutter & 7 raisins that I shared with CZ ♡ thank you sweetheart. oh yes & mint tea w/ soymilk (388k/ 52c/ 12f/ 20p)
2000 snack (offline) = oatmeal & soymilk w/ 1 drop molasses, 2 carrots, bengal spice tea w/ soymilk, 1 raisin, 1 popcorner, 1 forkful of cake crumbs from mom! sharing 1 sunchip w/ xennie (333k, 52c, 8f, 13p)
water = ~2400ml; soymilk, tea, gatorade, vitamin water

NOTES = chicken made me sick?? burning itchy ears. either that or stress. be careful. burger was surprisingly good though. so was the allbran! it has a BOSS texture. jazz apples are LOVELY; get some more when we run out! I didn't pay enough attention to the tea; SIP it tomorrow. enjoy it especially in this beautiful chill weather. always put at least ONE bonus raisin with the soybutter from now on; it's a challenge food still and that helps get used to it. stop nibbling though!! adding bits adds up & it's a bad habit. (do be honest with recording all instances though.) still, a few random sunchips are nice in moderation.
learning what portion sizes are best for me. less bloated today. had lots of tea; it was nice! carrots were LOVELY. shared a lot w/ the heartfam. remember how precious the little everyday moments are. ♡ now SLEEP GEEZ


FITNESS
how am i feeling physically? = "chunky," nauseous, stiff, bloated
type of activity = trying the new stationary bike!
duration plan = ~30m, decent speed
backup plan = ~15m, then ~15m weights
good workout = didn't get to bike (too busy) BUT i took the stairs a few times which was nice!
breakthrough = actually GETTING a bike!!
obstacle = still scared of body shape. need to see it as ENERGY STORAGE.


MENTAL HEALTH
how am i feeling mentally? = MORN- 5; AFT- 2; EVE- 9
highlight from the day, however small = laughing out loud at my post-it notes, especially "if it ain't mealtime, you better COME BACK LATER!" been a while since i laughed, even longer since i let myself be my own goofy brand of "humorous" without beating myself up.
how i overcame an obstacle = put my foot down with partial. refused to "follow mealplan orders" when i knew they would trigger self-abusive behaviors on my part. could have done better BUT I KNEW the risks and would not just kowtow to them anymore, the longterm psychospiritual consequences are not worth the temporary "social approval"
what can i let go of = bitterness & stubbornness
positive trait i recognize in myself = determination, hope, want to do what is RIGHT. thinking about that fortune cookie a lot. being told i "should" do something does NOT necessarily mean that action is RIGHT!!
what did i do to relax = let myself enjoy dinner & bible study; not obsessing over the mealplan
an inspirational quote, moment, or lyric = "if you decide it's a good day, it's a GOOD DAY"


GOALS
larger goals i am focusing on this week/month:
- get into a regular sleep schedule
- exercise ~30m cardio ~30m weights daily?
- attend one FULL week of partial; THEN decide if it works
- draft a general, budget/resource friendly mealplan
- fit in ~60m of CREATIVE/ RECHARGE/ RELAX time daily!

steps to take today:
- DON'T CHEAT ON THE MEALPLAN! be honest!!
- get to bed by 10pm
- EXERCISE for 30 minutes, even just the stairs
- JOURNAL!
- I CHOOSE WEEKEND FOOD! plan the meals!

struggles i encountered:
1. feeling very full & nauseous after eating
2. "allergy fear" over chicken; fear of tofu
3. mealplan problems at partial; they are requiring WAY too much food intake per meal

solutions:
1. take a mint, brush teeth, DISTRACT if bad; IT'LL PASS. find a connected Nousfoni??
2. don't buy any more chicken! TRY the tofu. give it a shot. take benadryl if really scared.
3. DON'T FORCE, BUT DON'T SKIP! eat healthy portions & eat ENOUGH. space it out!


GRATITUDE
highlight of my day =
- making SO MANY POSTIT NOTES & sticking 'em all over the fridge
- eating a jazz apple & watching the rain
- sharing dinner with chaos 0 & "just enjoying life" together ♡
- going outside for a second & seeing silver evening clouds racing above
- drawing a little picture of Gimmelwald for art therapy group & EVERYONE LOVED IT??

today i am grateful for=
- xenophon, chaos 0, laurie, & genesis ♡♡♡
- APPLES! THEY GROW ON TREES!
- the legit SLEET outside right before midnight!!
- the PROVEN fact that I AM STILL CREATIVE
- bonus raisins, carrot tails, and tiger tea

express joy=
today was armistice day; poppies as a sign of a bright & shining future, full of peace & hope. there is a war ending in me too. i'm learning slowly how to handle this body gently, to embrace & not fight it.

something i'm looking forward to tomorrow =
grapes! trying the new meal ideas! building the bike!
CHURCH maybe!! (st. john's even; maybe i'll WALK?)
NO PARTIAL; get to do ALL productive stuff!
and whatever God has in store for us ♡