gratitude journal 111122

[prismaticbleed]

"BE GOOD TO YOURSELF."


FOOD
9am breakfast (during Partial) =  jazz apple, 1 cup soymilk, 2/3 cup allbran, 2 hardboiled eggs, 1 cup hot cinnamon sunset tea (422K/ 60c/ 15f/ 25p)
12pm lunch (during Partial) = pink lady apple, brioche bun, 1 tbsp mayo, lettuce & tomato, black pepper, perdue chicken breast, cheddar sun chips (562k/ 65c/ 22f/ 27p)
1630 dinner (offline) = 4 grapes, fortune cookie (do what's RIGHT, not what you "should"), broccoli, spinach, 1 hardboiled egg, english muffin w/ soybutter & 7 raisins that I shared with CZ ♡ thank you sweetheart. oh yes & mint tea w/ soymilk (388k/ 52c/ 12f/ 20p)
2000 snack (offline) = oatmeal & soymilk w/ 1 drop molasses, 2 carrots, bengal spice tea w/ soymilk, 1 raisin, 1 popcorner, 1 forkful of cake crumbs from mom! sharing 1 sunchip w/ xennie (333k, 52c, 8f, 13p)
water = ~2400ml; soymilk, tea, gatorade, vitamin water

NOTES = chicken made me sick?? burning itchy ears. either that or stress. be careful. burger was surprisingly good though. so was the allbran! it has a BOSS texture. jazz apples are LOVELY; get some more when we run out! I didn't pay enough attention to the tea; SIP it tomorrow. enjoy it especially in this beautiful chill weather. always put at least ONE bonus raisin with the soybutter from now on; it's a challenge food still and that helps get used to it. stop nibbling though!! adding bits adds up & it's a bad habit. (do be honest with recording all instances though.) still, a few random sunchips are nice in moderation.
learning what portion sizes are best for me. less bloated today. had lots of tea; it was nice! carrots were LOVELY. shared a lot w/ the heartfam. remember how precious the little everyday moments are. ♡ now SLEEP GEEZ


FITNESS
how am i feeling physically? = "chunky," nauseous, stiff, bloated
type of activity = trying the new stationary bike!
duration plan = ~30m, decent speed
backup plan = ~15m, then ~15m weights
good workout = didn't get to bike (too busy) BUT i took the stairs a few times which was nice!
breakthrough = actually GETTING a bike!!
obstacle = still scared of body shape. need to see it as ENERGY STORAGE.


MENTAL HEALTH
how am i feeling mentally? = MORN- 5; AFT- 2; EVE- 9
highlight from the day, however small = laughing out loud at my post-it notes, especially "if it ain't mealtime, you better COME BACK LATER!" been a while since i laughed, even longer since i let myself be my own goofy brand of "humorous" without beating myself up.
how i overcame an obstacle = put my foot down with partial. refused to "follow mealplan orders" when i knew they would trigger self-abusive behaviors on my part. could have done better BUT I KNEW the risks and would not just kowtow to them anymore, the longterm psychospiritual consequences are not worth the temporary "social approval"
what can i let go of = bitterness & stubbornness
positive trait i recognize in myself = determination, hope, want to do what is RIGHT. thinking about that fortune cookie a lot. being told i "should" do something does NOT necessarily mean that action is RIGHT!!
what did i do to relax = let myself enjoy dinner & bible study; not obsessing over the mealplan
an inspirational quote, moment, or lyric = "if you decide it's a good day, it's a GOOD DAY"


GOALS
larger goals i am focusing on this week/month:
- get into a regular sleep schedule
- exercise ~30m cardio ~30m weights daily?
- attend one FULL week of partial; THEN decide if it works
- draft a general, budget/resource friendly mealplan
- fit in ~60m of CREATIVE/ RECHARGE/ RELAX time daily!

steps to take today:
- DON'T CHEAT ON THE MEALPLAN! be honest!!
- get to bed by 10pm
- EXERCISE for 30 minutes, even just the stairs
- JOURNAL!
- I CHOOSE WEEKEND FOOD! plan the meals!

struggles i encountered:
1. feeling very full & nauseous after eating
2. "allergy fear" over chicken; fear of tofu
3. mealplan problems at partial; they are requiring WAY too much food intake per meal

solutions:
1. take a mint, brush teeth, DISTRACT if bad; IT'LL PASS. find a connected Nousfoni??
2. don't buy any more chicken! TRY the tofu. give it a shot. take benadryl if really scared.
3. DON'T FORCE, BUT DON'T SKIP! eat healthy portions & eat ENOUGH. space it out!


GRATITUDE
highlight of my day =
- making SO MANY POSTIT NOTES & sticking 'em all over the fridge
- eating a jazz apple & watching the rain
- sharing dinner with chaos 0 & "just enjoying life" together ♡
- going outside for a second & seeing silver evening clouds racing above
- drawing a little picture of Gimmelwald for art therapy group & EVERYONE LOVED IT??

today i am grateful for=
- xenophon, chaos 0, laurie, & genesis ♡♡♡
- APPLES! THEY GROW ON TREES!
- the legit SLEET outside right before midnight!!
- the PROVEN fact that I AM STILL CREATIVE
- bonus raisins, carrot tails, and tiger tea

express joy=
today was armistice day; poppies as a sign of a bright & shining future, full of peace & hope. there is a war ending in me too. i'm learning slowly how to handle this body gently, to embrace & not fight it.

something i'm looking forward to tomorrow =
grapes! trying the new meal ideas! building the bike!
CHURCH maybe!! (st. john's even; maybe i'll WALK?)
NO PARTIAL; get to do ALL productive stuff!
and whatever God has in store for us ♡