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102417 mon 11:59 pm
stayed in bed until 5. worth every moment.
can't remember much right now due to fatigue and depression and switchy memory loss. but we will write what we can.
infi fronting as ETERNOS, ALSO LOTS OF EYES
me cofronting with hir as well.
chaos talking to oliver briefly.
memories of ice and iridescence in our eyelashes.
"iolite" fronting, HER VIBE IS VERY DIFFERENT THAN ASSUMED. not like the other jessica roots.
axis saying "what did i tell you about dirt"
celebi commenting, "i'm more important than you think i am" hearts = time
socials telling infi the body was hungry. not sure if they realized who they were speaking to.
quoting "i love you in the open sea"
freckles as stars, cinnamon, sand, etc. moon colored skin.
toy soldier face shadow.
so much love
late breakfast. just cucumbers and sriracha.
oliver playing no mans sky, SUPER HOKTHAI INSPIRATION with the korvax, oh my gosh i think that series is finally blooming into its full heart this is amazing
stirfry for dinner, we made it. really nice.
then an awful binge attempt after dinner. misrouted creative drive again.
someone almost ate all the potatoes from earlier, forgot that eating starchy carbs like that make us VERY SICK unless they are super watered down. why do they keep buying them. probably to "force that to change." it's not working dude, it's been like this for years.
thank god we made it past. no catastrophe. but this HAS TO STOP.
is this because we wake up late? and the body is trying to get another meal in before the nighttime fast for like 9 solid hours, then sleep?
in any case it is crushing our self worth and making us feel horrible because it is so cruel and selfish and uncaring. to ourself and to others outside.
why is there no love in this
why do we black out SO HARD every time oliver leaves for work
what do we do, we need to figure this out.
ANYWAY AHRIMA HAS A DAEMON THAT'S CALLING ITSELF BARAYAS
NO ONE IS SURPRISED BUT STILL HOLY HEAVEN
we all knew he needed one.
we are also super depressed, fuzzy headed, and chronically sore because we haven't been exercising.
legit tempted to go out and run right now at 3am.
feedback loop with depression; too sad to run, sad because we're not running.
we havent been texting oliver back for the same reason.
depressed, denying ourself the good? terribly unhealthy. self abuse.
sitting here smelling this candle and listening to the hyper light drifter soundtrack but we can't get our head on straight. want to cry. not drinking water, that's making it worse.
so so sad. but still hope burning in our chest. we know this isn't forever. we know we can change, we know what to change, we know how to change, just arent sure how to apply that change yet. but we will.
stayed in bed until 5. worth every moment.
can't remember much right now due to fatigue and depression and switchy memory loss. but we will write what we can.
infi fronting as ETERNOS, ALSO LOTS OF EYES
me cofronting with hir as well.
chaos talking to oliver briefly.
memories of ice and iridescence in our eyelashes.
"iolite" fronting, HER VIBE IS VERY DIFFERENT THAN ASSUMED. not like the other jessica roots.
axis saying "what did i tell you about dirt"
celebi commenting, "i'm more important than you think i am" hearts = time
socials telling infi the body was hungry. not sure if they realized who they were speaking to.
quoting "i love you in the open sea"
freckles as stars, cinnamon, sand, etc. moon colored skin.
toy soldier face shadow.
so much love
late breakfast. just cucumbers and sriracha.
oliver playing no mans sky, SUPER HOKTHAI INSPIRATION with the korvax, oh my gosh i think that series is finally blooming into its full heart this is amazing
stirfry for dinner, we made it. really nice.
then an awful binge attempt after dinner. misrouted creative drive again.
someone almost ate all the potatoes from earlier, forgot that eating starchy carbs like that make us VERY SICK unless they are super watered down. why do they keep buying them. probably to "force that to change." it's not working dude, it's been like this for years.
thank god we made it past. no catastrophe. but this HAS TO STOP.
is this because we wake up late? and the body is trying to get another meal in before the nighttime fast for like 9 solid hours, then sleep?
in any case it is crushing our self worth and making us feel horrible because it is so cruel and selfish and uncaring. to ourself and to others outside.
why is there no love in this
why do we black out SO HARD every time oliver leaves for work
what do we do, we need to figure this out.
ANYWAY AHRIMA HAS A DAEMON THAT'S CALLING ITSELF BARAYAS
NO ONE IS SURPRISED BUT STILL HOLY HEAVEN
we all knew he needed one.
we are also super depressed, fuzzy headed, and chronically sore because we haven't been exercising.
legit tempted to go out and run right now at 3am.
feedback loop with depression; too sad to run, sad because we're not running.
we havent been texting oliver back for the same reason.
depressed, denying ourself the good? terribly unhealthy. self abuse.
sitting here smelling this candle and listening to the hyper light drifter soundtrack but we can't get our head on straight. want to cry. not drinking water, that's making it worse.
so so sad. but still hope burning in our chest. we know this isn't forever. we know we can change, we know what to change, we know how to change, just arent sure how to apply that change yet. but we will.
