082517

[prismaticbleed]

08:22 pm

the morning.

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someone asked if we were okay with being unclothed. remember nervously taking our shirt off. not anxious, just nervous. knew how significant and vulnerable this was.

infi fronting. let ollie take our shorts off as well. incredible amount of trust and PURITY in it. monumental.

lying chest to chest for a while, nothing but skin and ribs between us. everything was pure gold. remember not being able to tell whose pulse was whose.

at some point, chaos zero showing up to cofront. remember instantly our chest capacity expanding-- he breathes so deeply and speaks from that same expanse. I adore his tonal quality, good lord.

proving everything as innocent. 


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August 25 phone notes: COLOR TRIAD SHIFT ALLOWANCES????

1 BROWN=Champagne/Cream
2 RED=Blood/Infra
3 ORANGE= Vermilion/Amber
4 YELLOW= Lime/Olive
5 GREEN= Sage/Evergreen
6 AQUA= Sky/Cyan
7 BLUE= Harbor/Indigo
8 VIOLET= Purple/Ultraviolet
9 PINK= Magenta/Cerise
10 BLACK WHITE GRAY
11 GOLD SILVER COPPER
Evidence=
Lynne originally being VERMILION
Laurie originally being PURPLE
Leon originally being HARBOR!!!
Julie half resonating with MAGENTA

Questions:
Lynne originally vibed somewhat RED???
Possibly just Core-splitoff residue.

Josephina originally vibing LILAC????
Possible Protector anchor hue at the time? "ANTI-ID" 


Are there DESERT environments in headspace??

Look up religious/symbolic info for Dogwood; we've loved it since childhood AND there are some in western Diamew (notably the UNMAPPED/UNNAMED AREAS!!)

WHY AM I SUDDENLY A JACKAL???


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09:54 pm.

the evening.



okay. we need to type about this.

I cannot stop purging.

we are in north carolina and I cannot stop bingeing and purging.

last night I ate like… three boxes of cereal, an entire pack of corn tortillas, half a jar of honey, half a bottle of syrup, an entire carton of soymilk, half a bag of grits, a stick of butter, an energy bar, a whole bag of animal crackers, a whole box of cookies, a whole box of chocolate bars, a bottle of gatorade, a whole container of hot sauce and avocado, a carton of eggs, a loaf of bread, and god only knows what else.

it's only 10:15 and I've already had another half a bag of grits, stick of butter, half cup of honey, bag of corn tortillas, half a loaf of bread, half a dozen eggs, an energy drink, and another veg/tabasco container.

and I'm already looking at two more cereal boxes.

dear god. what is even going on. I'm scared.

is this trauma looping? I don't even know anymore.

I'm legitimately addicted to throwing up. it's not even about the eating, this I've realized. it is entirely about the vomiting.

which means, the purgation is what my body is seeking.

I will force down ludicrous amounts of food and/or water JUST so I can throw them up.

WHY??????????