suddenly

[prismaticbleed]

 

SESSION PARTICIPANTS
LAURIE UBERICH LYNNE STABELLE JOSEPHINA BELLAMEIRE SHERLOCK EPISTEME ???



Why are you so bloody angry.

BECAUSE WE HAVE TO PICK UP THE FREAKING BROKTHER FROM WORK BUT THEY TOLD US "EAT YOU WHROE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" SO WE HAVE TO FFCCKIGN "EAT" SHIT2B,NZDV A
BEFORE WE GO AND I DON’T FCKNG WANT TO ITS FISDHFDFUXGZDSFVNHDKJFFFFFFO L


Stop abusing the keyboard, that's how you broke our last computer. Tell us what the heck Is making you so angry.

I'M ANGRY BECAUSE I CANT DO SHIT EVERYTIONE IS TELLING ME "DO THIS DO THAT DO THIS DO THAT DO THIS TO DUTHEBFS DO THATZ1:"!:!!!!" AND WE OBVIOUSLY JUST WANT QUIET TIME TO OUTSELF TO TYPE AND WHATEVER BUT I DON’T KNOW WE DON’T HAVE THAT FUKCING TIME BECAUSE WHENEVER WE DO SHE COMES OUT THAT SELFISH STUPID PROUD BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU KNOW HER LAURIE SHE'S A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO O'M PSISED OFF BECAUSE SHE CKEEPS COMING THE FCK OUT AND BEING ALL SELF-RIGHTEOUS AND PISSY OROUD AND FCKING SHIT AND IN THE MEANTIME WE NEED TO DO STUFF FOR THEF AMILY BEU SHE SHJUST WANTS TO DO HER SHIT AND I HATE HER. I HATE HER. I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE IER HAER IA HAER

Calm the heck down. Who are you talking about? This kid?

THAT GIRL. YEAH. THE ONE TIED TO THE OLD GREEN LIVEJOURNAL PICTURES UPSTAIRS. WHOEVER SHE IS. SHE'S A BITCH. I HATE HER.
SHE WANTS EVERYTHING TO BE ABOUT HER. SHE THINKS SHE'S SO DAMNED SMART. PREACHING ALL THE FCKING TIME. ASSUMING SHE HAS ALL THE FCKING ANSWERS. I HATE HER.

Shoot, this is what we see in the brother, isn't it.

HYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES SHE ACTS THE SAME WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is she tied to the given name?

Almost? The response we're getting from it is a mix of her and Jezebel, I think?

It's an angry response to the given name, always. An angry, self-hating, world-hating response. Identical to the brother.

Holy swords. It really is.

That explains a lot.

So. Let's close this up. We're angry because…?

We're not angry, they're angry, and she's angry because-- are you a she?

CLOSE ENOUGH. ALL THE ANGRY PEOPLE USUALLY ARE.

Yeah we need to fix that too.

It all branches from the core, Laurie.

SHE'S NOT THE COER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT BITCH IS NOT THE CORE AND NEVER WILL BE!!!!!!!! SO TELL THE THERAPIST TO STOP CALLING HER THAT TOO BECAUSE I FCKING BHATE HER AS A RESULT

Okay, okay. We can't tell her right now but we will on Monday. Shoot, didn't we just try telling her yesterday though? That "Jessica" is an alter?

She feels like Jezebel, that's the scary part.

Probably tied, they're both old after all.

THERE ARE MULTIPLE JESSICASN AND I HATE THEM ALL

Yeah, that name is pretty bloody evil up here, I know. Geez, we need to fix that.

WHY. THEY'RE BITCHES.

We need to fix it because there's too much hatred in the System as a result of them existing and we need to get rid of that. Heal them somehow, if not, then get them the heck out of here.

I DON’T WANT THEM HEALED. THEY'RE BITCHES. I WANT THEM DEAD.

You know, healing doesn't mean they're going to stay as they are now, right? Julie didn't. I mean, look at her. She's nowhere near what she was before she joined us. Maybe those "bitches" can do the same.

…I DON’T KNOW. I JUST HATE THEM SO MUCH. AND ALL THE SHIT THEY DO.

Now why do you hate them, just because of their actions, right?

AND THEIR PERSONALITIES. YOU KNOW THEM.

Yeah, I do. Sorry, I've been slipping a heck of a lot lately.

We know, Laurie. Just be careful.

THERE SHE IS!!!!!!!!! ACTING AS AN "OBSERVER" AND JUDGING US ALL AS SHIT. DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU GODFFORSAKEN BITCH?????????? JUST BECASUESE YOU CAN SIT IN THE BODY AND JUDGE MY SPELING AND THINK "OH WELL I CAN JUST WAETCH YOU THAT MUST MEAN ITS ALL FAKE!!!!!!!!!!" ARE YOU TYPONIG THIS, BITFCH??????????? NO. YOUR HANDS AREN'T DOINGA DAMN THING. HOW DOES THAT FEL, WHORE???? TO REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOURH HANDS?????????? THAT YEAH YOU CAN WATCH ALL YOU WANT BUT YUORES STUCK IN THE SKULL. YOU CA'T EVEN MOVE THE BODY. I CAN DO WHTEVER THE HECK I WANT. HOW DOES THAT FEEL?????????????????????????????////

Holy smokes, that's a milestone.

What?

Realizing there's a level split with those alters. THAT'S why they're always proclaiming they're the "cores," because they're under the false delusion that they are,simply because they can watch us. They're cut off from us, so they assume that anything other than them is fake.

Geez.

So that's good to know. That also explains the huge numb periods that show up whenever they do decide to watch, because their immediate action upon showing up is to cut off all contact to headspace. They don't WANT to know about us, because we're "fake," but even moreso than that, we know they're guilty. We can count their sins on our hands. We KNOW they're being bitches, and people like you who hate them, well they hate you the most, because you don't let them get away with their garbage.

I KNOW!!!! SO YO REALIZE I'M GOOD??? YOU DON’T' THINK
YOU DON'T THINK I'M EVIL OR HATE ME?? LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DOES?

Who's "everyone else?"

THE FAMILY--

SEE THERE SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HER IMMEDIATE RESPONSE TO THE GRANDMOTHER WAS TO SAY "FCK YOU" WHEN SHE ASKED WHAT DAY IT WAS, NOW SHE'S GLOWERING AND GLARING JUST LIKE THE BROTHER WHO THE FCK IS THIS, LAURIE KILL HER, GET RID OF HER, SHE'S EVILM, SHE'S HOLDING US ALL BACK, SHE'S SABOTAGING ALL OUR SPIRITUAL PROGRESS, SHE'S ANNIHILATING OUR LOVE AND HOPE AND DREAMS AND TURNING IT INTO ADDICTION AND SELF-HATRED AND ABUSIVE CYCLES AND SHIT KILL HER; PLEASE. KILL HER

Kid I can't even try to kill someone permanently if the System won't allow it, and if I can't reach them I can do even less trying. That's the problem. "Floating alters" like her and you, socials as it were, are out of my reach. That ticks me off and makes me really existentially upset but hey, them's the breaks. I've gotta deal. Believe me, if I could reach her, I'd have my axe in her face in a bloody second.

How does that existentially upset you?

Makes me question my purpose. My existence, and the reason thereof. "Protect the System. Protect the cores." And THAT'S a whole other thing, realizing that at least one of the "cores" I used to protect ended up being a bitch. …That's really heartbreaking.

Which one?

The first one, the one in the Xangas who almost dated Q or something equally mindless and who was dramatic as hell. She just turned toxic after so many years. That's probably why I was so furious with her all the time. …Man. Hindsight seriously hurts.

Why, realizing you didn't know it then?

I didn't know they change. I didn't bloody know that they weren't all the same person, just shifting up. I thought… I didn't bloody realize that there were splits.Maybe in 2010 that was the first one, with the suicide attempt. …Maybe there were splits even before that, I don't know. It's so far out of memory I can't even reach it anymore. …And that heartless girl keeps freaking watching us type and judging it all as bullshit and I bloody hate you, I hate to say that but I hate you for the hatred in you and how you hate EVERYONE but yourself and God forgive me but if I could kill you I would.

Laurie--

(But you can't, bitch)

WHAT did you just say to me???????

Laurie, what are you doing--

Trying to kill a bloody social. Watch me.



…Confound it all, I can't do it, she keeps coming back. I can't bloody reach her.

Can someone else take her spot?

Man I hope so. I hope so. It's just going to take a heck of a lot of determination, get someone else in there to watch at all times. That's going to be a conscious effort because the non-conscious default is that BITCH.

…Where'd that angry floating alter go?

She's not around because I'm catching the anger right now. Floating ones catch vibes. That stuff runs through the blood of everyone in the System. 'Swhy there are so many split anchors. Geez. I'm sorry, my head hurts, can we close this up?

Yeah, I'm just scared that when we leave, that "Jessica" girl is going to come back and screw things up.

Well… to hell with her. To hell with her, it's where she bloody belongs.

Laurie. Don't let the hatred kill you too.

…I'm sorry, Lynne, it just hurts so much.

I know. But… don't let it kill you.

…Okay. Okay, I'll calm down. I'm really sorry, it just… it gets so bad.

I know, Laurie. I've felt it too, remember, and it's toxic stuff. That's why I'm saying be careful.

We need to go inside and work on this but those bitches won't let us--

Hey, do you think it's because the bro's around now? Like he keeps triggering those vicious girls because they act just like him?

Shoot, probably. We'll have to tell the therapist on Monday. Anyway we have to close this up as we do have errands to run and then we have church and that bitch is already trying to push through and control everybody but to hell with you, there is more to life than you, we exist outside of you and far past you and when everything bloody dies on this planet WE'RE going to go on beyond it and YOU are going to bloody dissolve with the rest of the devil's work. Mark my words. We're eternal. You're not.

…

Sorry. I'm really badly distraught, Lynne, I need some downtime. Hold me or something, come on, I need comfort.

Haha, all right Laurie. …Sorry you're feeling like this.

I know. …I love you guys, okay? I'm only doing this because I want the best for us, all of us.

Even them?

…Yeah. Ultimately, even them. I just… I'm sorry, I let the hate get the better of me. It's toxic stuff, like you said. But it's…

Intoxicating?

No, I don't like it. It's poisonous. It's overwhelming, it gets in you and won't get out, but while it's in there it's so bloody distressing it takes all your attention.

It's cathartic.

That's it!

I know.

Terribly stupid how ironic that is, huh.

Yeah.

…Should we close this up?

Yeah, errands. We'll continue this later if we need to. As for now, we need someone to consciously front in the System so we don't sabotage all our efforts again.

Isn't Jay supposed to do that?

He's supposed to, but he's hard to find when hatred is swamping the body, as he's incompatible with that.

Can't he flush it out though?

Yeah, he can, the problem is getting him IN there. And keeping him there, when the girls want him dead.

They do??

Yeah, no kidding, he's the antithesis of everything they stand for.

Well I can see why you hate them now.

Let me affectionately sass you for a second. Don't let it kill you.

Ahaha, I walked right into that one.

Still applies!

Yeah, thanks Laurie.

You too, Jo, I know you catch this bad, too.

Sometimes. I do.

Yellow's a tough color as far as anger is concerned. But really, we need to close this up. Think of Infinitii with all this Black stuff, that's what I wanted to say first.

Ah, that's a good idea.

Isn’t it? Transmutation. Infinitii kicked it in the teeth, when they were trying to use hir for their evil ends, now look at hir. Perfect example of transcendence there. Now let's go, we have work to do. Jo, lighten up, this mood doesn't suit you.

It's hard to let go of properly, Laurie.

…Shoot, wasn't Jay just typing about this too? Remind him, talk to him later, about the Yellow concerns. Okay?

Hehe. Aye-aye, Captain.

There we go, that's a start. Just be careful, you too.

We need to talk about this later!!

Thank you! I'm terrible at closing things, let's just do that already.

Sounds good to me!