daily journals = july 2023
Jul. 31st, 2023 10:35 pm0701
"I" CAN'T EAT WITH WHITE OR RED HUE
HAS TO BECOME BROWN OR BLACK!!!
So much switching while eating = based on action taken & mood of it?? Different "manners" of eating, different jobs on phone, etc.
ALL CAUSE A HARD DISSOCIATIVE SWITCH!!! and a consequent headache for the record
- Tumblr posting
- picking apart food
- biting pieces off
ALL of these actions TRIGGER out different girl corpufoni??? all with very disheveled & negative vibes
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0702
Scalpel now feeling ragesorrow when fronting, like Knife was
Wondering if this is all being split off from LAURIE in some way??
Laurie “enabling” bad behavior, just letting foni do things even if they seem unwise, COMPLETE CORRUPTION OF HER FUNCTION. Wondering why?
Because she’s supposed to TALK IT OUT. She’s supposed to DEBATE AND REASON, and with that suddenly being TAKEN from us, in order to SURVIVE, her function is “skipping a step” and just letting things occur that SHOULD be questioned because she’s not “ALLOWED” to question currently.
She is losing all her honor, integrity, wisdom, fortitude, etc. she is dying.
Laurie wondering if she “needs to die” because she thinks she “came back wrong” after cnc.
Honestly I think we all did. It wasn’t a real solid resurrection; it was a gradual, feeble “coalescing” into shadows of our former selves.
We need a HARD REBOOT so that we come back COMPLETE.
jo IS reviving???? name change. "yosifina" or something. definitely an i or y beginning, not j.
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0710
John 6 discourse makes SO much easy sense when you ask, just like a psychologist, "what is your heart hungry for? How can you feed your soul today?" And those instinctive, literally visceral responses APPLY TO CHRIST. THAT'S what He means by "you must EAT Me." You're feeding your HEART & SOUL with Him! It's like how you would "eat" music (I have a playlist for that), or devour a book, or drink in a beautiful landscape. You get the idea!
BUT the faith that enables this ALSO allows for the next huge step in the Eucharist: the ACTUAL physical "eating" of Christ, more of a "consuming & being consumed," a mutual Communion, a fusion of selves, etc. Think Infi. Think cardiophagy. There is an even DEEPER and more sacred hunger, that TOUCHES & SANCTIFIES THE PHYSICAL, that Christ meets.
Humankind was CREATED TO BE UNITED TO GOD. The Fall wrecked this for a time. Christ comes as the Tree of Life to FIX & RESTORE us. THAT is why He gives His flesh as bread: because it's the ONLY WAY to LITERALLY GET DIVINITY BACK INTO OUR PHYSICAL BODIES. We're actually SUPPOSED to eat God. It's absolutely insane & gorgeous & Ineffable, I love being Catholic
It's also shockingly obvious: how does a mother feed her children? SAME THING.
Think like a child & it's all apparent.
What is eating? It's taking something into yourself so you can stay alive, and it will make you strong & help you grow.
"Food is fuel"; food comes from other living things, either plants or animals. Their life is given up & becomes part of our life.
Etc. CONTINUE
"only believe, and thou hast eaten; " reflect on what this says ABOUT the nature of belief
ALSO "eat His body in a spiritual manner" = think of the basic concept of ANCHOR PLUSHES. Substance vs accidents. This is spiritual vs physical BUT ALSO BOTH.
"If you with to enter into the spirit of my words, raise your hearts to a more elevated and spiritual way of understanding them" = if you only think of this as regular food, as normal eating, you MISS THE ENTIRE TRUTH. The Capernaum folks couldn't get their minds off the manna & bread, so they were blind to the actual point. Their understanding was stuck on the CARNAL level... like being stuck in SOCIAL MODE.
"The flesh profiteth nothing" WITHOUT SPIRIT INSIDE IT. But the spirit does not destroy the body, otherwise the Incarnation wouldn't have happened! The really beautiful thing is the SANCTIFICATION of it!
"I live by the Father, proceeding always from him" = a CONTINUED action; so too must be our eating & be-ing as a result; UNITED EXISTENCE; symbiotic?? Indivisible
""so [too is] he that eateth me," = first by faith only, by believing in me;" = if you have no faith in His Divinity you cannot receive it, BECAUSE you won't come to Him FOR it!!! Without faith you are treating the Sacrament with GRAVE IRREVERENCE. Saint Paul warned about this. You can still eat it "as bread," sure, but without faith it's a ghastly sin, for obvious reasons. Ask any lotophagoi.
"God is said to draw them to himself by special and effectual graces, yet without any force or necessity, without prejudice to the liberty of their free-will. A man, says St. Augustine, is said to be drawn by his joys, and by what he loves... We are drawn to the Father by some secret joy, delight, or love, which brings us to the Father. "Believe and you come to the Father," says St. Augustine, "Love, and you are drawn... [many] could not believe, because they would not love" ???
TYPE ABOUT THIS.
WHAT do we love? What do we enjoy & find happiness in? THAT IS WHAT POTENTIALLY DRAWS US TO GOD????
Use this for EVANGELIZATION
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0713
90M INTAKE, SYSTEM ONLINE BUT STANDING ASIDE??? Very peculiar, unmistakable feeling
WRECKAGE SPOKE!!!!
We think the main social fronter, that talks, is actually JAYCE??? It's NOT Jack!!
Roadwork meditation trees
Home, exhausted
More jobs & requests from mom. Refusing to complain or grumble. Accepting it all with open mind & heart
Barry murdered ONE bottle
"Dump truck mindset" culture
Julie lamenting over Potiphar's wife; "I was just as capable of that"
Jesus as Mediator is SO DIFFERENT from other religions because it SERVES A RELATIONSHIP.
Other faiths have worship, or self-deification. Christianity is the ONLY one that brings us TO GOD, BY GOD, to be WITH GOD. There is a PERSONAL, INTIMATE, FAMILIAR LOVE that is unique to our faith.
SYSTEM RELEVANCE (ESPECIALLY LAURIE; THIS IS HER TRUE FUNCTION & PAST STRUGGLE)=
"The scribes and the Pharisees were the legal experts of the day; to them problems were taken for decision. It is clear that to them authority was characteristically critical, censorious and condemnatory. That authority should be based on sympathy, that its aim should be to reclaim the criminal and the sinner, never entered their heads. They conceived of their function as giving them the right to stand over others like grim invigilators, to watch for every mistake and every deviation from the law, and to descend on them with savage and unforgiving punishment; they never dreamed that it might lay upon them the obligation to cure the wrongdoer.
There are still those who regard a position of authority as giving them the right to condemn and the duty to punish. They think that such authority as they have has given them the right to be moral watch-dogs trained to tear the sinner to pieces; but all true authority is founded on sympathy... The first duty of authority is to try to understand the force of the temptations which drove the sinner to sin and the seductiveness of the circumstances in which sin became so attractive. No man can pass judgment on another unless he at least tries to understand what the other has come through. The second duty of authority is to seek to reclaim the wrongdoer. Any authority which is solely concerned with punishment is wrong; any authority, which, in its exercise, drives a wrongdoer either to despair or to resentment, is a failure. The function of authority is not to banish the sinner from all decent society, still less to wipe him out; it is to make him into a good man. The man set in authority must be like a wise physician; his one desire must be to heal."
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0716
Cayenne = can he come back If his anchor remains?
Would also take the "automated name" off poor Scalpel
Did ALL Daengels have TRUE hearthosts like Infi or did they just STICK to resonant hearts???
After all CHOCOLOCO defied that assumption and is STILL AROUND.
Remember Axis too, w the homily on dirt
Laurie: "Saying you like prog rock is your own brand of pretentious assholery. I advise you to quit now, before your brain makes receptors for it"
Said Vespers together
Wreckage & Razor magnificat
Fire alarm, looking through old Moralimon tablets as usual
G2 was HEAVEN
Still love the Seers so much
Scalpel "we're being cheapened" = doing generic daily stuff IN PLACE OF actual anchors. Hence the anger & sadness. It's LOSS, of purpose in action, being shoved into a lesser, unfulfilling, unrelated "job" that cheats their spirit.
INNER NOUSFONI SHOULD NEVER BE DOING OUTSIDE JOBS!!!!!!
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0730
dream notes
In dream
Wind, flying. Whitefog fading out in distance
Women forcing pregnancy talk. Melody with us? Acting Childlike. In stupor?
On porch with bro? Lady sweetalking, trying to get info?
Came to us. Grabbed shoulders? IMMEDIATELY started screaming crying for help like a tiny child. JUST AS FAST, WRECKAGE TOOK OVER. Turned on the woman with all claws & rage. Told her "get your fcking hands off of my children"
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0731
Nightmares about mom
Dismantled Christmas tree, "i thought i was doing you a favor"
WRECKAGE & LAURIE FRONTING IN DREAM
SOMEONE Growling & hissing at white toybreed dog that got into our apartment?? THEN Wreckage took over? Blurry. Immediate snarling response felt like someone else, faceless & confronting maybe. But we KNOW such a foni exists in waking. That instinct is STILL THERE. Wreckage shares it, but not so animalistic. Wreckage will growl as a threat, but NEVER this loud cat-like hissing!! CHILDHOOD "SELF" DID THAT TOO REMEMBER!!!!
Up at 1111, got ready for TV church SUPER fast haha
Two Canadian churches? Second was St Clare with the COLORED LIGHTS!
Homily: God works His Victory through APPARENT FAILURES! Cross, golden calf, also the MUSTARD TREE & YEAST??? Parallel we never noticed! "Would have shocked the audience" "no farmer wants a mustard tree in the middle of his field; no housewife wants her bread dough to start fermenting" AND YET, God works GOOD from it.
https://www.scielo.org.za/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S1015-87582013000200014 READ THIS BRO
Second homily: crisis reveals character (crisis reveals Christ-is)! Be willing to "drop everything" to be a messenger of God's Love to others. Laurie saying "kid that's what you've been doing lately, by grace" TRUE, humbly & joyfully, may God increase that grace for His sake
Spiritual Communion. We needed this actually; it sinks in deeper & hits harder. We LACK FAITH??? Not just in Christ, in EVERYTHING. Somehow, since CNC we have become DEAD IN DOUBT & DISBELIEF, based on SHAME & CYNICISM????? WHY & HOW??? THIS ISN'T US!!!
Deep down KNOWING we believe but as an ACT OF WILL. No emotions. Does that still count? Feels like we're at war.
Asking for God to "set my heart on fire" = looked at the RING!! "Just like that"
Rosary now. Want to do this with biking before we eat.
We're back to listening to music and looking at the photo gallery while we say the rosary. It helps SO much; it makes it feel more real and genuine, more personally involved & NOT automated.
Egg trouble, had to toss & redo. Hidden blessing though.
AMAZING devotionals today.
1. Mustard seed growth ACTIONS, good AND bad
2. Call to faith & vocation DOES have dry & dark periods
3. Fast & pray IN LOVE for YOUR "ENEMIES" like Moses did
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