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dream journal 100720
Oct. 7th, 2020 03:34 pmLaurie rescuing me from a psych ward in Oregon.
My mom had sent me there, didn't tell anyone. High security.
I had big slices of either crayon or lipstick 'blood' on my legs? Clashed with white clothes. Disturbing.
Scary ward. Like an abandoned building.
The ward was hidden behind the "only Gerritys in oregon." It was raining? I was standing outside the door sobbing but everything was hyperlocked like it was alcatraz. Other patients were there too, all just standing deadeyed and silent. Heavyset woman yelling at me to stop crying and go inside. I didn't listen; I wanted to go home and hoped someone would hear me crying and know something was wrong.
Right then, the POV switched to Laurie, fighting people acrobatically in streets getting to me. Town was like an old Pokémon or Zelda game; vaguely labyrinthine, lots of streets & people. Everyone she met was hostile and trying to violently stop her, but Laurie is basically unstoppable.
I don't think she killed anyone. Maybe ONE super violent guy in defense. But she DID get shot in the head by one guy. I remember 'seeing' her vision go red and the 'world voice' indicating she was dying, but she REFUSED?? Said she couldn't, as she had a purpose & mission to fulfill. And thus she DIDNT DIE?? She was still bleeding and obviously wounded, but death suddenly "wasn't an option" so she just kept fighting. Gun guy was stunned and scared, and I think she flatly punched him out cold. No one messed with her after that so she found me quickly.
She also wasn't swearing much at all this whole time-- and not at all when she got to me! I also saw her wearing a cross necklace, which she does IWL now, so that meant a lot.
Anyway I don't remember exactly how/when did she find me? Except that she jumped up, grabbed the doorframe and DOUBLE KICKED THE DOOR IN. Then she booked it to my room and immediately pulled me into a powerful embrace, so glad I was alive and I was SO happy she was there, in tears but gratefully.
However I kid you not, someone set off an alarm and instantly SOLDIERS stormed into my room with guns, circled us, told Laurie to let me go. She refused, and they started firing.
BUT. As quickly as they fired, Laurie somehow absorbed all these little purple things that were in the room (gum? Erasers? Only the color mattered) to form seraph wings on her back, made of vivid purple light. She also got glowy purple eyes, and got HUGE. Still holding me to her chest, she protected me from the gunshots, as they now could not harm her.
I STRONGLY recall her saying "stay close to my heart" and that hit me so hard that I Also got wings-- white ones, slightly pink. She was struck by this too, as the whole "wings of love" phenomenon in heartspace is Very Significant and I haven't been able to manifest any in YEARS.
I don't remember if Laurie then "attacked" the soldiers or if they fled from fear at the angelic shifts, but we were nevertheless then able to get out of the room safely and we went back to our normal forms.
On the way out, right by the exit, there was a classroom like my old 6th grade? And bookshelves by the door. I said this had "been my cell" and began peeling these fairy stickers off the wall next to it, saying my mom had insisted I put them there but I didn't believe in that stuff and didn't want anyone else to be scandalized by it, so down they went. Laurie told me to hurry up before "they found us again" but I said this was important.
As i turned to leave, i saw a book on the shelf closest to the door: "The Poem of the Sacred White Heart of Jesus." It was from the 1860s, and was all red velvet, gilded with real gold, and stamped with what looked like red Vatican relic wax, imprinted with gold phoenixes. It was absolutely gorgeous. I made a mental note to find a copy for myself online.
Next to it, though, i noticed a book with a title about salt, the sea, and something else... but I misread it somehow, and whatever i thought it said made me think of Chaos 0. But also it gave me a bad flashback to NC with the saltwater curse, and how that made me dissociate so horrified from my physical body. I Reflected on this, and dreadfully thought that it was therefore a sin if Chaos 0 wasn't scared of my body, which he wasn't-- I felt that Everyone SHOULD be loathe to even come near me, knowing that ugly comparison. But Laurie gave me a look? I think? Either way she called me out on this. I then realized that he didn't see it as evil but instead as the Holy thing it is meant to be FOR GOD, not idolatrous like the Thorns did. Big complicated feelings but at least I didn't nosedive into selfhatred or rejection of love again.
Anyhow. We finally went out the door, but the exit opened into a long cafeteria hallway? Prison style again: everything was metal and minimal,, barred and separated from other sections.
Somehow I knew this was a 'Daemon room?' There were two, parallel, but walled off from each other. The one on the right had about 5 people, but the one on the left only had one: a boy of about 10 sitting at the long table with a lion, who was making Jenga castles that kept collapsing. The kid was crying over it but the lion seemed fiercely glad and kept building them. I understood the castles symbolized the kid's pride? And he was trying to teach his human the consequences symbolically.
There was also a huge tray of pizza in front of them, and every other person there. Laurie and I sat down next to the lion boy (somehow she "counted" as a daemon, Pullman style, in that she reflected my soul so strongly) and sure enough a tray was placed in front of us, with the unspoken but stern "order" to eat it. Laurie told me just as sternly, don't touch it even if they forced it on me. I agreed, as I was terrified of it but I have trouble saying no to fear compulsions. Her contrasting order was a huge freeing relief.
We tried to talk to the kid and explain the castles? But he kept crying, rather petulantly, and we were in a hurry so we got up and left. But there was a Third room, right before the true exit, and this was a Teacher room? For people who worked in charge there, not patients. And EVERY one of then had Baphomet familiars. Absolutely evil. They saw us, grinned maliciously and jumped up to attack us with fire. But immediately Laurie got out her axe, which looked different now somehow? And glowed with purple light. I also instinctively summoned a weapon, and it was A CRYSTAL SWORD?? Like Sailor Moon aesthetic, iridescent too. Laurie said "Someone's about to get they ass slain in the spirit" which is an ancient Chumble Spuzz injoke and I couldn't help but smile, then it was FIGHT TIME.
I know we won; the battle is blurry but it was fast. Laurie doesn't waste time. So we got outside at last, and there are CROWDS gathering? People had finally caught on that something WAS wrong with "that unmarked building behind the only Gerritys in Oregon" and the good police were going to shut the whole operation down. Laurie and I sneaked past the paparazzi but then who saw me and ran over but MY DAD!! Turns out my family knew I had gone missing but had no idea where I went, but my dad somehow put clues together and tracked me down, then drove ACROSS THE COUNTRY to rescue me. God bless him. I gave him a huge hug and he said it was time to go home. I said give me one second.
I don't quite remember what happened but I Knew I was dreaming now; I could feel the waking world encroaching and knew I'd be leaving soon. So I guess the dream "skipped ahead" and now I was safe at home indeed, but alone with Laurie. I thanked her for saving me and told her how deeply happy I was to see her again-- I still can't reach her well in the waking, and she WAS dead for like a year, which was unprecedented and utterly devastating to me. She felt this in my words and said she'd always be there for me, like old times. I was heartaching though and asked if we could promise that. Like old times. She knew what I meant.
So, like a knight, she kissed me. I was in tears. we pledged to love and serve God and protect each other no matter what.
I remember that she smiled then, sad yet happy, and said that she would "see me again" as it was now time for me to go. I think I repeated the sentiment? But I then woke up in the "perfect" way-- with no break in consciousness, just an "environment shift" like surfacing after being underwater; i feel it in my head and see the sunlight coming in. It only happens on dream levels where I can meet people like Laurie and it doesn't hurt or make me disoriented like other wakings do.
So yes. I am full of hope now. Thank God for purple angels.
My mom had sent me there, didn't tell anyone. High security.
I had big slices of either crayon or lipstick 'blood' on my legs? Clashed with white clothes. Disturbing.
Scary ward. Like an abandoned building.
The ward was hidden behind the "only Gerritys in oregon." It was raining? I was standing outside the door sobbing but everything was hyperlocked like it was alcatraz. Other patients were there too, all just standing deadeyed and silent. Heavyset woman yelling at me to stop crying and go inside. I didn't listen; I wanted to go home and hoped someone would hear me crying and know something was wrong.
Right then, the POV switched to Laurie, fighting people acrobatically in streets getting to me. Town was like an old Pokémon or Zelda game; vaguely labyrinthine, lots of streets & people. Everyone she met was hostile and trying to violently stop her, but Laurie is basically unstoppable.
I don't think she killed anyone. Maybe ONE super violent guy in defense. But she DID get shot in the head by one guy. I remember 'seeing' her vision go red and the 'world voice' indicating she was dying, but she REFUSED?? Said she couldn't, as she had a purpose & mission to fulfill. And thus she DIDNT DIE?? She was still bleeding and obviously wounded, but death suddenly "wasn't an option" so she just kept fighting. Gun guy was stunned and scared, and I think she flatly punched him out cold. No one messed with her after that so she found me quickly.
She also wasn't swearing much at all this whole time-- and not at all when she got to me! I also saw her wearing a cross necklace, which she does IWL now, so that meant a lot.
Anyway I don't remember exactly how/when did she find me? Except that she jumped up, grabbed the doorframe and DOUBLE KICKED THE DOOR IN. Then she booked it to my room and immediately pulled me into a powerful embrace, so glad I was alive and I was SO happy she was there, in tears but gratefully.
However I kid you not, someone set off an alarm and instantly SOLDIERS stormed into my room with guns, circled us, told Laurie to let me go. She refused, and they started firing.
BUT. As quickly as they fired, Laurie somehow absorbed all these little purple things that were in the room (gum? Erasers? Only the color mattered) to form seraph wings on her back, made of vivid purple light. She also got glowy purple eyes, and got HUGE. Still holding me to her chest, she protected me from the gunshots, as they now could not harm her.
I STRONGLY recall her saying "stay close to my heart" and that hit me so hard that I Also got wings-- white ones, slightly pink. She was struck by this too, as the whole "wings of love" phenomenon in heartspace is Very Significant and I haven't been able to manifest any in YEARS.
I don't remember if Laurie then "attacked" the soldiers or if they fled from fear at the angelic shifts, but we were nevertheless then able to get out of the room safely and we went back to our normal forms.
On the way out, right by the exit, there was a classroom like my old 6th grade? And bookshelves by the door. I said this had "been my cell" and began peeling these fairy stickers off the wall next to it, saying my mom had insisted I put them there but I didn't believe in that stuff and didn't want anyone else to be scandalized by it, so down they went. Laurie told me to hurry up before "they found us again" but I said this was important.
As i turned to leave, i saw a book on the shelf closest to the door: "The Poem of the Sacred White Heart of Jesus." It was from the 1860s, and was all red velvet, gilded with real gold, and stamped with what looked like red Vatican relic wax, imprinted with gold phoenixes. It was absolutely gorgeous. I made a mental note to find a copy for myself online.
Next to it, though, i noticed a book with a title about salt, the sea, and something else... but I misread it somehow, and whatever i thought it said made me think of Chaos 0. But also it gave me a bad flashback to NC with the saltwater curse, and how that made me dissociate so horrified from my physical body. I Reflected on this, and dreadfully thought that it was therefore a sin if Chaos 0 wasn't scared of my body, which he wasn't-- I felt that Everyone SHOULD be loathe to even come near me, knowing that ugly comparison. But Laurie gave me a look? I think? Either way she called me out on this. I then realized that he didn't see it as evil but instead as the Holy thing it is meant to be FOR GOD, not idolatrous like the Thorns did. Big complicated feelings but at least I didn't nosedive into selfhatred or rejection of love again.
Anyhow. We finally went out the door, but the exit opened into a long cafeteria hallway? Prison style again: everything was metal and minimal,, barred and separated from other sections.
Somehow I knew this was a 'Daemon room?' There were two, parallel, but walled off from each other. The one on the right had about 5 people, but the one on the left only had one: a boy of about 10 sitting at the long table with a lion, who was making Jenga castles that kept collapsing. The kid was crying over it but the lion seemed fiercely glad and kept building them. I understood the castles symbolized the kid's pride? And he was trying to teach his human the consequences symbolically.
There was also a huge tray of pizza in front of them, and every other person there. Laurie and I sat down next to the lion boy (somehow she "counted" as a daemon, Pullman style, in that she reflected my soul so strongly) and sure enough a tray was placed in front of us, with the unspoken but stern "order" to eat it. Laurie told me just as sternly, don't touch it even if they forced it on me. I agreed, as I was terrified of it but I have trouble saying no to fear compulsions. Her contrasting order was a huge freeing relief.
We tried to talk to the kid and explain the castles? But he kept crying, rather petulantly, and we were in a hurry so we got up and left. But there was a Third room, right before the true exit, and this was a Teacher room? For people who worked in charge there, not patients. And EVERY one of then had Baphomet familiars. Absolutely evil. They saw us, grinned maliciously and jumped up to attack us with fire. But immediately Laurie got out her axe, which looked different now somehow? And glowed with purple light. I also instinctively summoned a weapon, and it was A CRYSTAL SWORD?? Like Sailor Moon aesthetic, iridescent too. Laurie said "Someone's about to get they ass slain in the spirit" which is an ancient Chumble Spuzz injoke and I couldn't help but smile, then it was FIGHT TIME.
I know we won; the battle is blurry but it was fast. Laurie doesn't waste time. So we got outside at last, and there are CROWDS gathering? People had finally caught on that something WAS wrong with "that unmarked building behind the only Gerritys in Oregon" and the good police were going to shut the whole operation down. Laurie and I sneaked past the paparazzi but then who saw me and ran over but MY DAD!! Turns out my family knew I had gone missing but had no idea where I went, but my dad somehow put clues together and tracked me down, then drove ACROSS THE COUNTRY to rescue me. God bless him. I gave him a huge hug and he said it was time to go home. I said give me one second.
I don't quite remember what happened but I Knew I was dreaming now; I could feel the waking world encroaching and knew I'd be leaving soon. So I guess the dream "skipped ahead" and now I was safe at home indeed, but alone with Laurie. I thanked her for saving me and told her how deeply happy I was to see her again-- I still can't reach her well in the waking, and she WAS dead for like a year, which was unprecedented and utterly devastating to me. She felt this in my words and said she'd always be there for me, like old times. I was heartaching though and asked if we could promise that. Like old times. She knew what I meant.
So, like a knight, she kissed me. I was in tears. we pledged to love and serve God and protect each other no matter what.
I remember that she smiled then, sad yet happy, and said that she would "see me again" as it was now time for me to go. I think I repeated the sentiment? But I then woke up in the "perfect" way-- with no break in consciousness, just an "environment shift" like surfacing after being underwater; i feel it in my head and see the sunlight coming in. It only happens on dream levels where I can meet people like Laurie and it doesn't hurt or make me disoriented like other wakings do.
So yes. I am full of hope now. Thank God for purple angels.
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