the spectrum heart cathedral system

a day out on the town.

this was the SOUTHERN BREAKFAST MORNING. grits, eggs, bacon, the whole shebang. not something we'd usually eat; our typical eating lasses are severely disordered and probably would have freaked out.

HOWEVER, THE MAVERICK ATE IT
THAT WAS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD

he got this beautiful "travel" vibe from it, like this was the sort of thing you WOULD eat on the road here, at bed and breakfasts and such, diners, etc. travel food for that area. he ADORED it. ate it no problem at all.

gosh he hasnt been out in AGES but i am not surprised; he was the member of that trio that just lived rugged and serene on the road. he resonates AMBER, we think. miss him to death, glad he's back

bus trip, music

discovery place!
vortex gun
newspaper blower
floating balls
heart, all red and beautiful
brain, other heart
uv lights
rainforest bird room!!!
frogs in rainforest cases
big metal snake
crystal cave
drawers and jars of beautiful dead things
aquarium.
touching a horseshoe crab!
up the stairs and the curtain of dark with color

in town!
sat by fountain, water this gorgeous jade green. had my hand in the water. spray from fountain making a legit rainbow over the water. when we looked up at it, the rainbow began RIGHT at my hand. i cant explain what that made me feel like, but it was transcendent
talking about animorphs? musing about that era jewel (1998) basically being hardcore "kin" with aldrea, to the effect of "i dont know if i love her or want to be her" but it was a BIG TIME resonance. also said that i wouldnt be surprised if aximili became an outspacer one day. blue with green eyes anyway, haha, my weakness
talked about the z-space heart scene in #18, good lord. remember hiding in the attic to read that, circling all the instances of the word "heart" in pencil, terrified that someone would find me or see that in the book-- it was too sacrosanct and intimate. we did things like that a LOT as a child.

walking by churches, colored houses, ground-fountains (seriously wtf was that awesome thing), light from the brilliant sun making it all so memorable
there was one house that was almost kris's color scheme and it was great
pink house too!

picked a tiny rose in this gorgeous, gorgeous area somewhere in the city. gosh i dont even know what i'd call it, but the appearance is crystal clear in our mind. meant a lot to ollie; first date with mason or something? a milestone for them either way. immediately treasured it more because of that fact.
all these little pink wild roses, picked one for julie. she fronted to hold it, said something to ashen about it??? to motivate her, reassure her. "this is what pink should be like" or something
i think it was because the rose was a bit battered? faded. looked like ashen, a beaten up tired little thing. but it was still a rose, still beautiful, still had that dear scent. julie wanted to emphasize that. a little worn around the edges did nothing to diminish its true inherent beauty. i know for a fact she kissed it as loving proof

then in the park. beautifully beloved. so much green!

the roses in that little enclosed space. did he kiss me? i dont remember. everything was a dreamy lovely sunlit blur
(...there was one awful, terrifying, tar-black moment there, inside us, though. i don't know if i want to write it down. but it scared me to death, to feel something like that lurking as loud as a nuclear bomb despite all the love.)

the willow tree and trolley. felt like a cathedral, ribs/rafters of the branches over us. ground was all "loamy earth" and ollie said it smelled like trolley. really beautiful and humbling too, felt that huge significance. spine and wreckage both drawn to the reality of the cool soil beneath our fingers, too
took a photo of ollie in there. spontaneous affectionate decision. it's his profile picture on our phone now

sitting on the park bench and just being together and totally happy. watching people walk by with dogs (and one woman with two cats!), listening to ollie talk about them, totally fascinated and respectful of how much he knows or can logically assume about their health and such just by looking at them.

library box! woman came by and put all these bigass scifi books in there. kudos to you ma'am

those trees with the little white flowers! no idea what they are but they had huge Dream World vibes and we took photos. felt so incredibly happy and "at home" in that area, it was like heartspace manifested in the waking world

running up the stairs of the church with the missing/ boarded-up doors, where ollie performed with the pride marching band. definitely need to go in there one day. sitting on the steps and just talking.

dude sleeping on bench in front of the church, other dude pulls up in car and shouts something along the lines of "damn! gotta get me some of that!" a shock at first from the noise but then it was hilarious

sitting on the ground near an outside diner, where ollie had been to eat with that pride band years ago
eating a jimmy johns sub with KRISTANOVA
trusting us so much to tell us his origins
reminded us SO MUCH of our brutally violent nousfoni/outspacers-- razor, cannon, quicksilver, barry, nny, etc. many who have been missing for ages. but we empathized too much, although we could never understand his position completely, nor would we ever want to disrespect it.
but the trust was profoundly moving.
from that moment on I knew we'd be fiercely fond of him forever

noticed we were eating a vegan lettuce wrap (no bread) and he called it "rabbit food" which i personally found hilarious
said he likes meatball subs but ollie hates them, haha

jayce fronting, suddenly motivated to get a legit sub to challenge later? went back to jimmy johns and he ordered it himself, no fear as always
as we approached the crosswalk, exclaimed "damn it feels good to be a social"

laurie and kris walking to the bus stop
holding hands of all things as that's what ollie & jay do
"why the hell not" sort of decision, haha

huge trauma flashback crash at the bus stop
woman vomiting (RED of all ungodly colors), sirens, fire truck, etc.
felt like we were going to die
immediately mentally stuck in 2011, mother called the cops on us for a 302, handcuffed, pinned to the bathroom wall
also the time we were throwing up blood and were immediately numbly convinced that was it, we were dead
remembering the time we called the cops on our abusive brother and instead they thought WE were the culprit and pulled their guns on us, "hands up"
just bad bad memories. danger and suicide and terror and feeling like we were stuck forever in that damned pennsylvania bad place.
shaking, could not figure out how to pull ourself together, no one around to specifically handle THAT situation without crushing fear
then MONTAG shows up???????
IMMEDIATELY knew it was him, but, what the holy heck we had no idea he had outspacer roots wtf
resonating VERMILION too, of all things
but he handled it. dear lord. thank god for having d.i.d. honestly this is such a blessed curse and i adore it
so apparently we DO have someone who can handle emergency vehicle terror for us. man.

very very important talk with ollie and kris(?) about trauma and recovery and family stress right then. cant remember most of it as we were totally shaken but it helped IMMENSELY.

bus ride home. listening to more of ollie's ipod. shearwater. wept at a few of them, the sound was GORGEOUS

home, late.