102817

[prismaticbleed]

102817 sat   11:35 pm

Today was THE CONCERT!

tried to eat festive sweets at the intermission. wanted so badly to share that with ollie.
but we ended up throwing up helplessly in the bathroom. body flat out rejected it.
still, we tried, dude. we honestly enjoyed it and we WANTED to keep it in. body didn't though. probably due to stress and panic lingering.
oh well. we learn. we forgive. we try again.

the concert was so, so beautiful. oh wow.
knowing OLIVER was part of it, a reason why that music existed, a voice in that music... what a feeling. what an honor.

at home, watching more of "stranger things" season 2.
one more episode left!
MASSIVE trauma flashback trigger from the basement with d'artagnan. looked and felt EXACTLY like the homestead basement, where so much terror happened as a child, so much threat of death and imprisonment and purposelessness. it caught us offguard like a car accident. we ended up shaking and dissociating and huddled up in ollie's arms, trying to comfort ourselves. trying to remember what year it was.
then SUDDENLY, CHTHONIC/ DARKSPACER HEALING AND HEADSPACE STUFF WHAT.
we're not surprised-- this is how we work after all-- but dear god. dear blessed god. it's been too long. i could have wept from joy, seeing it happen again, effortlessly and profoundly important.
wreckage and laurie and razor and knife and scalpel and infinitii and leon, facing the fear and learning from it and defying it and just. being US. being who they are. the reason we survive. the reason we keep living and the reason we will never ever fail.
we really ARE healing. geez. wow.
(wrote it on phone; upload it asap dude)

TALKING TO HICCUP!
i think he came out because we mentioned infi's protective-anger response reminding us of toothless flashing his fangs.
either way i miss that boy, gosh we love him too. we talked for a while, it was lovely.
discussed what it means to be an outspacer-- existential problems, leaving the canon behind but still being part of it, fears about threequels and thoughts about current roles and how we wouldn't change it for the world. just, so good.

couldnt sleep. body sick and sad.
knew the sugar was half the culprit, but we forgave ourselves for that. we made a mistake but it wasn't an abuse attempt. just a forgetful slip. but we're ok.
besides that's what god made melatonin gummies for after all aha


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11:43 pm

CELLAR
WRECKAGE PROTECTS
SCALPEL "THIS IS OURS"

CELLAR investigate. Wrex kicks hole in floor. My realms! Jumps in. Not hers. Brown, dark like flashlight, tangled. Scalpel follows. Razor and knife too? Wrex trying to make bigger. Laurie shows up, let me at it. SPACE TEAR. wrenches it wide own. Falls into cavern. Still wrong. Flat dark water, treelike brown tangle rock. TOO flat, bad light. What to do? Then INFI. Stand back? Something. Reached into shadow. Blooms crystal clusters, expanding the space, like ripping spiderwebs? Expanding like nebula thread. Collapsing coherence. HAVE to get out, Laurie worried . Suddenly LEON warps in, pulls indigo energy around them, snow appears around feet, suddenly in his realms? By that first church. Falls to knees, splitting headache. Knife runs over, kisses his forehead thrice. Leon healed, shocked, but then knife doubling over, chest/stomach pain? Wrenching. Infi runs over, grabs his face, kisses him once hard. Knife now suddenly shocked and ok, Infi immediately hacks up one huge SOLID WHITE plastic like geometric crystal. Turns to knife fierce like toothless. DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN. Eye and facemouth!!!



phone notes =

CHILDHOOD OLD VIBES

CHILDHOOD UNDERGROUND OBSESSION
"CENTER OF THE EARTH"
MONSTERS LIVING IN THE CORE
DRAGONS, SNAKES, ALICORNS
"INSIDE BODY" CARTOONS
GEMSTONES = unicorns esp.

SKY, TOO?

Fire underground= no air

STATIC VIBES?? TV, RADIO
BLUE TV SCREENS & PCS (WHY BLUE?) WALLY??