"how we feel" march 25-31 2025

[prismaticbleed]

2025 Tue Mar 25 1:02 PM

I'M FEELING = INADEQUATE & TROUBLED

WHY = Vocation concerns.
Am I even able? What is my purpose?
Am I too sick in the head to serve God?

Still haunted by Father P's warning. Can I be forgiven if I'm struggling with my weakness so badly? I'm so afraid of death.

Still scared of mom constantly giving me food. Why does it all register as poison?
Why can't I just get better?

Still sick.

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Couch,Spiritual Reading;Just Woke Up;Praying;Sick

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2025 Tue Mar 25 10:02 PM

I'M FEELING = SCARED & CHALLENGED

WHY = Mom gave us TWO meals.
We cannot destroy or purge them.
"Suffer rather than sin." That must be our motto.
"Eat what is set before you." Be humble like Christ.

Thursday, we will do it, by God's grace.

Also we MADE IT THROUGH TODAY SAFELY!! 1200K BRO!!

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Phone Calls,Home;Kitchen;Phone,Talking To Mom;Meal Planning

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2025 Wed Mar 26 8:01 AM

I'M FEELING = AGITATED & DISGUSTED

WHY = I'm so upset and anxious and disgusted by the thought of eating moms food.
I'm going to give it back. I literally cannot calm down until its gone.

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Outside,Meal Planning

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2025 Wed Mar 26 11:41 AM

I'M FEELING = EXHAUSTED & STRESSED

WHY = I am so incredibly tired, both physically and mentally.

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Kitchen;Main Room,Cleaning;Meal Planning;Day Scheduling

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2025 Thu Mar 27 4:01 PM

I'M FEELING = TRAPPED & AGITATED

WHY = Horrifically insistent OCD loops.

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus,Home;Cleanup Room,OCD Rituals;Getting Ready To Eat

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2025 Fri Mar 28 4:26 AM

I'M FEELING = MISERABLE & DISTRESSED

WHY = Hack nightmares and hot flashes.
Can't sleep.
Miserable.

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Couch,Trying To Sleep;Sick;Trauma Ruminating

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2025 Fri Mar 28 11:26 PM

I'M FEELING = MISERABLE & DESOLATE

WHY = Another nightmare of a day.

I don't have the strength to do this anymore.

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;With The System,Home;Kitchen;Cleanup Room,Cleaning;Going To Bed;Recovering;Sick

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2025 Sat Mar 29 12:54 PM

I'M FEELING = CHALLENGED & SCARED

WHY = Trying to hit 1300k today because our weight keeps going down.
Scared, but going to do our best.

CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Kitchen,Meal Planning;Getting Ready For Church;Getting Ready To Eat

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2025 Sat Mar 29 6:21 PM

I'M FEELING = CONTENT & HAPPY

WHY = It's raining.
Church was beautiful.
I'm finally understanding Galatians.
I'm surprisingly inspired by music talk with mom.
I get to eat dinner.
God is good.

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;With The System,Home;Table,Eating;Reading Scripture;Watching The Rain

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2025 Sat Mar 29 11:53 PM

I'M FEELING = DEFEATED & DEAD INSIDE

WHY = Damned carrots.

I was so close to winning today. I almost made it through safely. But no. I lost again.

I feel so sick.
I'm numb from the horror of it all.

God help me what do I even do?

Maybe it's NOT ""doing.""
Maybe I need to surrender more.
Maybe only God can fix me.

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Physical Pain;Going To Bed;Meal Planning;Recovering;Sick

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2025 Sun Mar 30 7:30 AM

I'M FEELING = HOMESICK & LONGING

WHY = Beautiful heartspace dreams with Jesus and Celebi.
My heart aches with beauty & liberty i can't seem to have in the waking.

CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Heartspace,Just Woke Up;With The System;Dreaming

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2025 Sun Mar 30 12:41 PM

I'M FEELING = BURNED OUT & THANKFUL

WHY = 4½ hours in church!!

CONTEXT TAGS = In Public,Outside,Getting Ready For The Day;Getting Ready To Eat

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2025 Sun Mar 30 9:10 PM

I'M FEELING = ACCOMPLISHED & GRATEFUL

WHY = Ate 1350k, KEPT IT DOWN despite intense panic & temptation to BP, and did lots of Scripture study. THANK YOU GOD!

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Going To Bed;Day Scheduling

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2025 Sun Mar 30 10:06 PM

I'M FEELING = DISTRACTED & ENCOURAGED

WHY = Life responsibilities are becoming overwhelming. There is a lot that needs to be done soon, that we've been neglecting.
We're putting it in God's Hands and going to sleep. We must trust that He will give us the strength, time, and ability to do what needs to be done.

CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Couch;Bedroom,Cleaning;Going To Bed;Meal Planning;Day Scheduling

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2025 Mon Mar 31 10:08 AM

I'M FEELING = HURTING & SUPPORTED

WHY = They are giving me... FLUIDS

CONTEXT TAGS = In Public,Doctor's Office,Physical Pain;Sick;Doctor's Appointment

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2025 Mon Mar 31 1:54 PM

I'M FEELING = ANXIOUS & ACCEPTED

WHY = So many medical procedures this week. My body feels very sick and WILL continue to be sick BECAUSE of the appointments. This is a very difficult cross to shoulder but it IS a sharing in Christ's suffering, so treasure this mysterious honor. Let it draw you into His Heart.

Every single person I've interacted with today has been so sweet to me. That means a great deal. I feel seen and cared for. It's deeply moving, to me.

CONTEXT TAGS = In Public,Commuting;Doctor's Office,Doctor's Appointment

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2025 Mon Mar 31 6:43 PM

I'M FEELING = APPREHENSIVE & EMPOWERED

WHY = Very scared of getting sick from food again.
But I'm being as brave & prudently as I can, and God is with me.
He WILL get me through tonight, if I trust Him, no matter what.

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;Praying To Jesus,Home;Table,Eating;Reading Scripture

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2025 Mon Mar 31 11:49 PM

I'M FEELING = SPENT & TRAPPED

WHY = I cannot handle all these appointments.
Plus there's SO MUCH SHOPPING to do this month; our apartment is empty of almost everything.
But I'm dead tired. I'm not eating or sleeping well. I feel shredded to pieces.

I need to rest, desperately. But when?

CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Couch,Going To Bed;Meal Planning;Day Scheduling