"how we feel" february 1-9 2025
Feb. 9th, 2025 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prismaticbleed2025 Sat Feb 1 12:48 AM
I'M FEELING = DESOLATE & DEFEATED
WHY = Utterly bereft.
I hope to God February brings some hope.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Going To Bed;Meal Planning
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2025 Sat Feb 1 11:48 AM
I'M FEELING = FRAZZLED & AVOIDANT
WHY = Don't want to eat.
Church in two hours.
Brutal confession due today.
Terrible headache still.
Burnt out on every level.
I don't know how to live anymore.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Getting Ready For Church;Day Scheduling
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2025 Sat Feb 1 3:02 PM
I'M FEELING = LOVED & LOVING
WHY = Forgiveness & hope.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System;Praying To Jesus,Headspace;Church,Adoration;At Church
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2025 Sat Feb 1 6:05 PM
I'M FEELING = AMUSED & HAPPY
WHY = Lynne joking about olive oil.
Jewel being funny & energetic as always.
Everyone just being around each other.
Grateful for us. That's reason to live.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Table,Eating;Talking To Central
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2025 Sat Feb 1 9:48 PM
I'M FEELING = REPULSED & ASHAMED
WHY = I got so close to winning.
The carrots set me off again.
I swear this body is addicted.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Disordered Behavior
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2025 Sat Feb 1 11:53 PM
I'M FEELING = ANGRY & DISPIRITED
WHY = So angry that we keep giving in to carb hunger.
Must try again by grace tomorrow.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Cleaning;Going To Bed
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2025 Sun Feb 2 12:01 PM
I'M FEELING = FRAZZLED & DETERMINED
WHY = Don't want to eat.
Don't want to go to mom's later.
I just want to read Scripture and somehow get back on the laptop to work.
I want to find JOY and REST today.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Cooking;Cleaning;Getting Ready For The Day;Day Scheduling
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2025 Sun Feb 2 2:24 PM
I'M FEELING = FRUSTRATED & DISAPPOINTED
WHY = Can't vibe with any music today.
Still scared of eating and going to moms house.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Exercise Bike,Exercising
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2025 Sun Feb 2 4:12 PM
I'M FEELING = DISGRACED & ENCOURAGED
WHY = Tests and trials and temptations are meant to REFINE MY CHARACTER and STRENGTHEN MY FAITH.
Do not despair. God will not ever abandon you. So don't give up on yourself either.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Table,Eating;Reading Scripture
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2025 Sun Feb 2 7:36 PM
I'M FEELING = BETRAYED & NAUSEATED
WHY = I FOUND TBAS ACCOUNT.
THEY TOOK MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I can't stop crying. I literally am trying not to throw up from shock.
they've taken my WHOLE SOUL and stamped their OWN NAME ON IT.
oh god this is literally the end of my entire world
my childhood, my future, my hopes, all gone, all stolen, all destroyed
i have nothing left
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,On The Laptop,Internet Browsing
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2025 Mon Feb 3 5:06 AM
I'M FEELING = BURNED OUT & FRAZZLED
WHY = NO SLEEP.
Still a wreck emotionally from yesterday.
Busy day today.
God give us strength.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Just Woke Up;Getting Ready For The Day
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2025 Mon Feb 3 8:54 AM
I'M FEELING = RUSHED & COMPETENT
WHY = Busy day, but it SNOWED and we went to Mass and Genesis is singing in the car so it's all good.
CONTEXT TAGS = In Public;With Genesis;With Laurie,Commuting;Shopping;Psychology Office,Driving;Shopping;Psychology Appointment
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2025 Mon Feb 3 9:48 AM
I'M FEELING = ANGRY & CONCERNED
WHY = Prescribed olanzapine.
Will I still hear everyone?
Suddenly very worried even about the floaters.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Psychology Office,Psychology Appointment
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2025 Mon Feb 3 3:12 PM
I'M FEELING = GUILTY & ANGRY
WHY = Pilfering food that I NEITHER WANT NOR LIKE NOR NEED. Compulsive stupidity.
Deeply ashamed and angry.
CONTEXT TAGS = Family,Mom's House,Disordered Behavior;At Mom's House
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2025 Mon Feb 3 5:58 PM
I'M FEELING = ACCOMPLISHED & FATIGUED
WHY = FINALLY BREAKFAST AT 6PM WTF DUDE.
But we made it bro!! Now we just have to pick up mom later BUT that guarantees a safe night!
Say it with me kids: GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home,Eating;Reading Scripture
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2025 Tue Feb 4 2:30 AM
I'M FEELING = LOVED & MOVED
WHY = I said, after the absolute hell of today, that if God gave me a Darkrai card it would be a legit miracle-- a special proof of His love when I needed it most tangibly.
...He gave me a Darkrai.
I'm actually in tears.
Thank You God. I love You too.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Going To Bed;Playing Pokemon
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2025 Tue Feb 4 2:20 PM
I'M FEELING = APPREHENSIVE & BURNED OUT
WHY = Food is a threat at this point. I never want to eat again. Meals are becoming traumatic.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Day Scheduling
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2025 Tue Feb 4 4:07 PM
I'M FEELING = STRESSED & DETERMINED
WHY = Too many demands at once and the body ALWAYS feels dirty and wrong.
Still determined not to let it stop us.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Cleanup Room,Cleaning;OCD Rituals;Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Tue Feb 4 5:28 PM
I'M FEELING = ENCOURAGED & DISCONTENTED
WHY = Scripture plans (Book of James) encouraging me to keep fighting. God loves me even now.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Table,Eating;Reading Scripture
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2025 Wed Feb 5 3:18 AM
I'M FEELING = MOVED & LOVING
WHY = Genuinely happy.
So grateful for God and the System.
Found beautiful music that brought me to tears.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System;With Chaos 0,On The Laptop;Couch,Listening To Music;Going To Bed
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2025 Wed Feb 5 1:58 PM
I'M FEELING = ACCOMPLISHED & WORRIED
WHY = Getting work done BUT we apparently STILL BLACKOUT DISSOCIATE in social settings.
Trying to recover from that but we're shaken.
At least now we get to EXERCISE!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home,Cleaning;Laundry;Meal Planning
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2025 Wed Feb 5 4:24 PM
I'M FEELING = THANKFUL & ACCOMPLISHED
WHY = Laundry is done!
Now we get to eat with NO TRIGGERS!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Table,Eating;Cleaning
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2025 Wed Feb 5 7:44 PM
I'M FEELING = NAUSEATED & CHALLENGED
WHY = Legit sick from eating. Refusing to purge though. It's probably the high fiber + more hemp than usual. We're learning.
But we MADE IT THROUGH SAFE!!
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Cleaning;Meal Planning
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2025 Thu Feb 6 2:33 AM
I'M FEELING = TIRED & SATISFIED
WHY = Got a TON of good work done. Lots of System appreciation.
Great tunes by Pablo Alborán; gracias hermano!
Now for MUCH NEEDED SLEEP!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,On The Laptop,Listening To Music;Going To Bed;Journaling;Archiving
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2025 Thu Feb 6 1:45 PM
I'M FEELING = BROODING & NAUSEATED
WHY = Can't stop thinking about how TBAS literally STOLE the Moralimon from me. That's my ENTIRE LIFE they robbed and are parading around as theirs.
I need to do something.
I need to defend the Truth.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Housework;Getting Ready For The Day
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2025 Thu Feb 6 4:38 PM
I'M FEELING = UNCOMFORTABLE & ATTENTIVE
WHY = OCD residue bothering us but we're learning to deal better.
Mom phone call threw us off a bit but we love her and we are learning to listen better.
Now to read more Scripture, to both listen and learn the most deeply.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Table,Eating;Talking To Mom;Reading Scripture
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2025 Thu Feb 6 5:32 PM
I'M FEELING = TIRED & GRATEFUL
WHY = Tomorrow looming, but trying to actively put it in God's Hands.
Very thankful for dinner, the simple loveliness of broccoli and olive oil and salt.
It's blue & cold & rainy & beautiful outside.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Table,Eating;Reading Scripture
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2025 Fri Feb 7 1:53 AM
I'M FEELING = DEAD INSIDE & DREAD
WHY = Carb starvation binge again. Damned carrots.
3 hours of sleep tonight.
Packed schedule tomorrow.
God why won't this stop.
Why can't I stop.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Going To Bed
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2025 Fri Feb 7 7:23 PM
I'M FEELING = HORRIFIED & TERRIFIED
WHY = 630pm BK + 3 hours sleep + hyperschedule day = night binge hell.
Praying this whole time.
God please help me survive.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Kitchen;Table,Disordered Behavior
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2025 Sat Feb 8 2:11 PM
I'M FEELING = LOVING & OVERJOYED
WHY = I PRAYED FOR WONDER PICK DARKRAI AND GOD GAVE HIM TO ME.
I feel so intensely loved and cared for.
THIS is why you stay alive bro; GOD LOVES YOU
CONTEXT TAGS = Praying To Jesus;With Chaos 0,Couch,Just Woke Up;Playing Pokemon
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2025 Sat Feb 8 3:50 PM
I'M FEELING = HOPEFUL & BLESSED
WHY = Confession.
I really want to be a true Christian.
Pray to our guardian angel for help.
Remember, ALL OF HEAVEN WANTS TO HELP YOU!!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Church,At Church
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2025 Sat Feb 8 6:40 PM
I'M FEELING = CHALLENGED & TOUCHED
WHY = Beautiful prayers today.
Feeling so much more hope than usual, reminded of the grace & love & promises & power of God.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System;Praying To Jesus,Home;Table,Eating;Reading Scripture
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2025 Sun Feb 9 3:53 AM
I'M FEELING = ACCOMPLISHED & LOVING
WHY = Got TONS of archiving papers done.
Lots of connection with the System, especially with music.
I feel loved & deeply happy.
OH YEAH-- AND IT SNOWED!!! ♡
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,On The Laptop;Couch,Talking To Central;Listening To Music;Going To Bed;Archiving
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2025 Sun Feb 9 1:25 PM
I'M FEELING = DISILLUSIONED & INDIGNANT
WHY = Wasting time online because I'm tired. Stupid.
REALLY feeling Philippians 3:8 right now.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Couch,Just Woke Up;Tumblr;YouTube
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2025 Sun Feb 9 3:37 PM
I'M FEELING = ADORING & DETERMINED
WHY = With Infi's spirit in the Basilica heartspace.
So many musical love letters from God.
CONTEXT TAGS = With Infinitii,Home;Exercise Bike,Listening To Music;Exercising;Talking To Infinitii
