dec 29 2015

[prismaticbleed]

Massive migraine all day today, so bad we were too nauseous to eat and kept throwing up although all we were eating was healthy stuff today.
It's obviously stress. When we have a really bad day like yesterday, it takes at least three days to properly heal. Today doesn't count towards that total unfortunately. But we tried, God knows we always try.

But... today wasn't all that bad actually.

We didn't go to work because 1) dad said if the roads were bad don't come in, 2) we didn't fall asleep until almost 3am anyway, 3) our grandmother decided to let us sleep in even though the roads were pretty okay. So we actually got 8 hours.
We went outside and helped our grandmother clean the gutters from slush and leaves but then we had to go food shopping real quick for salad and coconut waters and these things which we can actually eat and which are really good, BUT due to our headache + fatigue + not eating much yesterday, we were not feeling well and so we got kind of scared on the road.
However. As always, when that happens our mains call for Mr. Sandman, just like when we're sick and can't sleep, and that man never lets us down. I mean, we're used to this by now, we're used to our constant personal experience of reality always bleeding over into the beyond anyway, but... he says something, it happens, he assures us something won't happen, it won't. It's checked out for years now. Of course if you try to hard, or push someone/something, it falls through but you can feel that, it has no weight or sincerity behind it, it feels hesitant and wobbly. So we're learning.
On that note, for the most part, we don't hear the bad floating voices anymore. THANK GOD. I don't know when exactly that stopped but I don't miss them and I refuse to give them any more attention.
But yeah. We started having a legitimate panic attack on the road and in the store but MULBERRY fronted for a bit to carry us through, she doesn't panic so she got us to calm down enough. When we were in the store and she couldn't quite come out we just rubbed our temples and breathed, it helped. But we're learning to manage everything better.

We got home and... I don't remember. I know we ate at some point, but... oh, we made a big lettuce/ spinach/ cucumber/ hempseed salad thing and that's what we were eating today (GOOD) but we were so dissociated from pain/nausea and the house had a lot of noise so we couldn't ground properly enough for Emmett to eat.
Anyway. No idea what really happened there.

I do remember one of the main-social "girls" (close to the Jewel bloodline? from when it started to split i think) because she kept trying to eat raisins (which make us sick) and didn't understand that it did make us sick because she had no data and was just compulsively eating anyway? But yeah, Genesis ghosted and kept yelling at her to stop but she wouldn't (too dazed) so he actually reached out and tried to take the food off her and put it down and it WORKED. Like... that isn't the first time that's happened either, where ghosters can physically affect fronters on a semi-tangible level. It's so hard to put into words. But it worked instantly and the shock of it made that certain social really pause and reconsider what ze was doing, so.
Either way, just the reality of having that happen gave us a lot of hope. It... put a lot more genuine weight into our existence's reflection on the daily life, so to speak. That's a tangled sentence. It reminded us of the fact that we're real and we have an effect on the world and each other and we need to stop doubting. That sort of thing.
We are resonating better lately, a lot.


The evening was rough but I refuse to give it any more attention because we're ALL trying this new method in the face of previous method failure, and it ties directly into our favorite quote of the moment:
"remember that every fire will burn itself out, even without your help."
Like Celebi says, don't water the bad seeds!
So maybe we can get Vixie on this one. Don't feed the bad flames. Let them burn out. Don't give them fuel, and eventually they'll just exhaust themselves.
That's been proven true, actually. So that's solid hope, and determination. We can do it.

Learn from mistakes, dust yourself off, get up and keep walking. Laurie's leading the way. She's so sick of this pain, she can't deal with it, she's learned that she can't fight this the way she used to, it doesn't work... but this is, so far, and so she's 100% willing to be the soldier in the front of the line, keeping everyone moving forwards, finally back in battle the right way, protecting and forging a path both. A knight in shining armor.



So now Jewel's chilling on Soundcloud and typing about Dream World and Nogaisa stuff (which is AWESOME) so we're coping.

Jigaria fronted for a while today on the highway home?? Which was interesting. She's the one of the Dream Guardians that feels the most distant for whatever reason, so having her click in practically was hugely helpful. Jewel should be able to properly write for her now that we know what her vibe honestly feels like.

The headache is settling down so we'll probably have work tomorrow and the sad thing is that although we love our job, we're so tired that we're hoping for a day off solely to sleep. We didn't have that luxury today as we woke up to shouting and stress, being yanked out of sleep, so that didn't help our head either. But the bottom line is we need rest, so we'll try to get to bed at 11pm today.

We saw 11:11 at least four times today and that always feels like a hug of faith from the universe so we're lifting our head to the sun and smiling as we march on now. It's very... reassuring? Motivating? It's like a "you're doing good, kid, keep it up" sort of statement, both uplifting and warning at once? But totally a good thing.

Vigilance. That's one of Laurie's favorite words. Always be vigilant. Don't ever let the lanterns go out. Keep shining, keep walking.