030514

[prismaticbleed]

 

 

Quick update!

Current fronters are vacillating between Jewel and Jay, the latter of whom is rather shaken-up and not wanting to be out right now.

Jewel here, uh, let me try not to be all Pokemon-ish for a while (not feeling it atm anyway, X/Y felt like it really).
Things have been quiet since last night as we're unplugged from headspace until tomorrow, for health's sake. Infinitii is alive, but as of last night Jay said ze wants to be left alone, as ze's healing or something? We're not sure, all we know is that ze's practically in stasis, not moving or anything, just lying there. Ze's in some small, deep cavern, with light streaming into it from above, and lilies all around. Only Jay can get into it as it's floating space. We're not sure what Infi's role is going to be after this-- everything we've assumed about hir (already an obvious problem, the assuming and projecting) has turned out to be very harmful, or outright dangerous in the long run. So we're not going to guess. We're going to let Infi figure that out on hir own.
Oh also Jay wants me to tell you this, uh... Infi's also lying in a pool of blood? Which is where the lilies are coming from (it's white). Infinitii seems to have a thing for flowers, wink nudge cough apparently. Anyway Jay says Infi was carrying something? Like using the word "pregnant" doesn't feel right, not for hir. But ze was carrying some sort of life in hir again, and Jay says ze claims ze "sent it to the future" to avoid it being killed, or corrupted, or otherwise damaged by the Tar and everything? I have no clue. But yeah, Infi hirself is now doubting whether or not ze was ever meant to be some sort of literal "mothering" figure. Maybe it's the Tar, but it seems whenever ze tries to work with "beneficial sexuality" in that sense, ze gets sniped. It's harsh to say, but it's true, and it's really making everyone at a loss as to what to think or do. Regardless it happened again before this fallout, so if Jay finds any more weird monsters in the sink then safe to say Xennie will likely have a sibling, I dunno. That whole thing is not my division at all but hey, as long as it works out benevolently in the end. I know it's been a minefield of pain and trauma for a while and frankly I'm sick of it even secondhand.

Laurie didn't get to talk to the claw-teeth person last night (who SEEMS to be rather gold in color??), due to heavy fatigue and Jay being utterly unable to keep a channel open. However there IS a file on the voice recorder from them! No one listened to it yet, but it's there. The reality of it is just creepy as heck, really. I haven't read a jot of what they discussed last night but I know they did, and the vibe that teethy person gave off is just... scary. It's heavy not in a dense way, but in a "powerful" way. Like it's a massively powerful and dangerous thing, but it's not evil? And it's not entirely neutral? It just has it's own staunch moral code that it will not compromise and it will crush you if you stand in its way. And it's merciless, that's the word people keep using. That sort of creepy vibe. Yeesh.
So we'll have to transcribe that this evening (if we have the nerve-- I might have to do it!!) and add it to our record with all the other ones.

Since it's Ash Wednesday a lot is being planned for the next 40 days, or more-- we tend to stretch it out until the second week of May, with the original body birthday (and my adopted one). Regardless we've decided we are NOT going to think of it in terms of "sacrifice and suffering," which was the old mindset tied to the past. No, we're going to make these two months full of growth and improvement and hope and forward movement. One day at a time, though-- trying to do too much at once, all at once, just causes a crash and burn. So one day at a time.

Xenophon's 3rd birthday is next Thursday, Infinitii's first "birthday" is April 3rd. Both of those days practically require a great deal of focus on love and joy, considering the roles and lives of those two in the System.
Waldorf's 11th birthday was Monday (what an oldbie!), but we're awful with dates so we will revisit that whenever we are healthily able to. She's awesome and she deserves celebration of her life, and what it stands for too.
David and Marigold have their first System birthday on April 23rd, right after Easter, and since those two kids have been through way too much pain for their ages, we're going to have to take extra effort to make that date a very happy and special one for them.

Personally I think we NEED to focus on ripping down the weird walls between the League and the System. I know we've been saying that for a while, but we have been making progress, and the more I learn, the easier and more amazing and awesome it is. But there are some huge obstacles keeping it from being complete, mostly the risk of cross-corruption which I will NOT allow to happen, nor will the worlds themselves, so maybe we gotta fix this Tar/Plague stuff for good first. We'll see. We're working on it still! I promise.

Either way today feels like ANOTHER "new beginning," go figure, we felt a weird sort of massive significance around March 5th all month-- guess none of us expected something like THIS though. Oh well. The universe knows what it's doing!

Now off to get dust put on our foreheads (keheheh... Philip Pullman and Dream World right there) so bye!!

 

 

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@ 06:15 pm


Dream journal for March 5th, 2014

 

(first dream= blurry, took these raw notes on my voice recorder before i fell back asleep: kid named phil, looked about 13, kind of unruly, short messy black hair and freckles. kind of rebellious and wouldn't listen to me but i knew he was a good kid. we were in this sort of floating mechanical building? like the belly of an aircraft, but the size of a business garage with the ceiling height and width. think one of robotnik's ships in the sonic games. everything was copper-colored and steampunk-ish. also inside there were all these stairways and slopes and things set around within that one open space, again, like a sonic game. notably there was this huge open circular hole in the middle of the floor, like 30 feet around, no glass or anything. looking out, the view looked like angel island, all foggy cloud cover, and underneath it was either ocean or forests. but way in the distance there was this one huge mountain, like mount fuji, but there were these "smoke factories" all over it that were belching out huge sickly clouds. i was very mad about that, wanted to stop it. then phil was recklessly driving a car through the floating building, almost drove off "cliff" around edge of lookout hole. i saved his life somehow, think the car crashed and he jumped out the door last second, i grabbed his hand as the car fell? i clearly remember looking down at him, and he had these shockingly vivid green eyes? then phil and i had these small punch-card looking things, had to do something important with them? went to other side of craft, started to look like the inside of a museum. there was this solidly-built black woman named amanda; she had this gorgeous curly hair, coppery orange-ish color (i swear it glowed in the light), up in this fluffy afro. she helped us with the cards, but something else happened where i was suddenly missing a shoe (right sneaker)? and we had to find it or we couldn't "properly complete the transaction." i remember thinking it fell out the lookout hole. ran down small stairway to look, but instead of going back up, something happened on that ledge where i was given a book about "simple gentleness?" and having a block of batteries. seriosuly the book looked cybernetic, there was this entire circuitboard-like page full of nothing but electronic places to put batteries. that was important somehow. as i was reading this wise counselor guy walked up to me and started to tell me about it, i felt very humble with him there. something with heart medallions? in the book? i think i was wearing one. counselor guy was using them to help with heart stuff, asking "what was blocking that" and the like. very much like spiritual therapy. i think clearing issues put symbols in the book? then another topic switch, some sort of computer where i was viewing a message board with chimiki? weird eye thing, mention of headspace? something with excruciating pain. it was terribly painful, I was very sad, and that was prior to this dream? that's all I remember for now.)

(second dream= transition with eating dried fruit in kitchen? out of some large ziplock bag. again, felt "out of it" atmosphere-wise. realized with surprise that there were big red fruit slices in the bag, like the size of peaches, that were actually the red fruits from the ending of his dark materials. woke up after that? or transitioned?)

(then, bros and I walking through forest behind camper, woods was swampy and overgrown? seemed foggy and gray. felt sad but rushed. then in backyard, tree covered in oranges, those same red fruits, and some other orange fruit. girl there picking oranges and talking almost dramatically about her family, trying to "find an answer" about them in the fruit. picked one, noticed it was rotten on one side and threw it to the ground, laughing at it in an "oh that was clever" way but sounding very anxious beneath. then I was there, alone, picking the red fruits and putting them in an ash bucket. as I picked, I felt uneasy, as there were people in the woods around me cutting down trees and building factories on the spot. I knew they would reach her eventually and wanted to save as many of these fruits as possible. soon, a man and a woman came over the hill by diamew, and began sawing down more trees. they cut down the one in front of the garden and it landed on my fruit tree before I could move far, catching my legs underneath top branches. but I shook lose of it and jumped to my feet. however the woman had caught up to me in the meantime, grinned, dragged me over to front of house where man was. I felt a little worried but had that odd "tired-surrender" feeling again, just followed. left bucket behind. man was setting a fire in front of the kitchen window, for "burning at the stake" or something similar. but the fire was almost a sunset-orange color, seemed vaguely translucent, and had holographic sparkles around it. I watched it almost dreamily, as the woman victoriously said that they were going to burn me in it, and got some sort of encyclopedic image/voice in my head that said, the fire was magical? but it burned according to intention or vibration? I got the impression that only certain people could see the sparkles from it. and if someone stepped into the flame while holding similar light and sparkles inside them, so to speak, it would recognize them as a fellow soul and not burn them? something like that. then the woman shouted at me to pay attention and come over there, and the image faded, but I immediately knew that I had to truly let go of/ transmute my lingering fear and judgment about the situation, or it would still be able to burn me. anyway the woman had me stand in front of her, I noticed she was holding several small daggers. she reached out and grabbed the waistband of my shorts (which I only then noticed I was wearing-- tan and short), then said that she had to drop the knives through the legs, and see whether or not they hit my legs or feet. if none of them did, it would show I was "pure" or something. like a witch test. I got the strong impression that she was making that up or skewing it, and just wanted to stab my feet on purpose so I couldn’t run, but I let her do it. she dropped one knife through, it missed my right foot by an inch or so. she went to drop another one, but then I felt something on my left leg. she paused, then let go of me and jumped backwards in fearful panic, dropping the knives. she shouted, "spider!!" and I was aware that there was indeed a large spider crawling up my left leg, like a tarantula. immediately I was vaguely afraid it would bite me, but then I realized, this spider was protecting me. it was a good messenger, and had gotten the woman away from me. then, it jumped off my leg, and immediately I got a loud voice in my head saying, solemnly, "now RUN." so I did, while the man and woman were still in shock. I ran all the way to the fruit tree, and grabbed my bucket, but then paused. should I try to pick a few more? would the ones I saved be enough for seeds? I wasn't sure, and I hesitated, but something in my intuition was still telling me loudly, "just run, it'll be fine!" but I doubted myself greatly, and set the bucket down, quickly grabbing a few more fruits as the man and woman ran closer. then, after a few seconds, I felt a hand on my arm, pulling me away from the tree. I turned to look, and it was my boss, mr. sandman!! he essentially said, "that'll be enough, child; we must escape." so I ran away with him, and as soon as we reached the edge of the woods I woke up.
upon awakening I got the gentle admonishment that I should have indeed listened to my intuition, even against my own strong doubts, but that I did manage to get out of there in time, and the fruit would be safe. I apologized, saying I would remember that lesson.