once in a blue moon

[prismaticbleed]

 

Oh wow. Just when I thought life couldn't get any more incredible, this afternoon happened. It's been absolutely overflowing with heartbreakingly beautiful instances of serendipity.
It started off looking like the exact opposite, however. Let's start with what happened on the 30th, though, to give you some background.

I received a priestly blessing around noon yesterday morning, before Q went to work, which was beautiful (the energy felt like glowing pink cotton clouds) and very informative. I reflected on that while I prepared breakfast, and felt inspired enough to start singing rifle recoil at one point. Basically it was a lovely morning. Then I tried to get caught up on spiritual reading and writing the past three entries (which are still unpublished as of this entry's postage) until 3PM, when I left the house for a follow-up job interview at Whole Foods at 3:30. When I arrived, interviewers were running late so I just continued to read Emissaries of Light while I sat in the cafe (it's taking me forever to read as the info within is so deep). I've been re-reading the same three pages since August began, but as synchronicity would have it, the page I finally moved on to today was, for lack of a better description, a summary of Dream World's central plot. Dead serious. It was so simply beautiful that I was having a hard time not breaking down in grateful tears in the middle of the store, haha. Anyway the interview went very well, and then I grabbed a cranberry kombucha and started to walk home with Genesis. He wanted to take the scenic route, so we wandered down to 9th & 9th and checked out the two "new age" stores there out of curiosity. There admittedly wasn't too much to see (although the second store had triquetra rings and I honestly did consider buying one for Laurie's sake; maybe in the future) but it was nice to just walk. On the way home we passed a power plant, and Genesis insisted on "superimposing" his energy over mine as we walked by, because apparently his being of yellow-grade energy made him less susceptible to that sort of energetic interference? So he was basically shielding me, which I seriously appreciated. It also felt really odd when he phased back off, and I realized that I was feeling oddly ungrounded in general as well. Genesis said it was because the stores we visited felt very "lavender," aka "dreamy" and faerie-like (my mom's sort of energy), which is easy to get floaty from. I mentally decided to try and ground when I got home as a result. We arrived at our apartment around 6, had dinner with Mel, and were about to sit down and get responsible adult things done when Melody suddenly exclaimed that her favorite webcomic updated.There goes the neighborhood, haha. So, seriously, we decided to voiceact the entire thing and didn't finish until around 11PM. It was completely worth it, but when we finished, I realized with shock that I was now REALLY ungrounded. It honestly felt like I was floating several feet off the ground, and the room was nearly spinning... in short, not a nice feeling at all. I decided to eat something to try and help with it, but I was also feeling vaguely ill so I can't say if it improved the situation or not. Anyway, around 12AM we all finally got to sleep, or at least tried to: we spent a decent amount of time discussing some of the issues we'd had on the 29th, trying to solve them (mostly about body dysphoria, which Mel and I both had for different reasons). Not only that, but I was feeling positively supercharged with energy, from both the morning's blessing and the deep love of the past week's events, and I simply could not sleep with all that champagne-bubble light being expanded upon by those around me. Seriously, anything that even came close to my Heart Jewel set off a reaction, and contact (of any sort, even accidental) was absolutely overwhelming. Not only that, but Jlone, a member of Mel's headgroup, had apparently brought his children into their headspace, and kids give off a lot of powerful energy, especially upstairs kids. I was having a hard time adjusting to this overload, and expressed this, to which Mel responded that they were actually feeling very empty in contrast. Mel then said I felt like I was radiating "energy vines," all glowing and expansive, and asked if they could take some of that energy, to hopefully help us both deal with our respective situations. I said yes, and so they began absorbing it. However I made the mistake of not telling them to stop anytime soon, and I ignored my intuition when it began to nudge me with "that's enough." When I finally did tell Mel to stop, it was because I was so drained that I could barely speak. As a result, I then lay there, unable to really move, for a few minutes, continuing to feel suffocated by the energy of the other beings in the room. Chaos Zero showed up upstairs and tried to give me some of his energy, but I was too empty to receive much, and Laurie wasn't happy with the possibility of CZ ending up in a similar situation. Either way the energy loss aftereffects got so bad that I had to get up and leave, wandering into the kitchen to get a drink and hopefully some air. To my surprise, when I did so, Chaos showed up (ghosting this time), asking me if I was going to be okay (I noticed the time was 1:11, no surprise). I said I hoped so, before reassuring him that I'd get it back soon somehow. We had a bit of an emotional conversation, but a minute or two in, Mel came out and said I should try to sleep by myself that night, as they were worried about my energetic state. I agreed that this was a good idea, so they walked me to my room, and then told me that they could give some of my energy back if that would help. I said it would, so they returned a good deal of it-- it felt oddly blue to us both-- and then wished me a good night. I felt somewhat better after that, finally being able to stand and breathe (and my self-image finally re-solidified), and after talking to Chaos for a little while, gratefully collapsed into sleep.

This morning, I woke up with a start at 7AM, after having had quite a disturbing dream, which involved the devil trying to incarnate on Earth by possessing my brother Viral. Most of the dream was spent trying to fight him off and keep him away from my family (I had returned to PA specifically to do this in-dream), and Preludove was there helping me for some reason (maybe her virtue of Peace?), but things weren't working and the situation kept getting darker. At one point I remember asking my other brother, Diamond, if he could "hold Viral down" while I tried to "tear" the devil's influence out of him, but Diamond was very unsettled by the idea and refused. Ultimately, the negative effects from the devil trying to force his energy into him sent my brother to the hospital, and near the end of the dream, as I was standing on my porch, I got a phone call from the same hospital informing me that he had just died. In-dream, I remember shouting "no!" into the phone, overwhelmed with pain, disbelief, and anger. But... then I tried to look at the other side of the picture. I told myself that now my brother was free from pain, free from the devil (who was now unable to incarnate on Earth at all), and that he was on the next step of his journey, away from this world. It still hurt horribly though. So I asked the hospital how he had died, trying not to cry about this, but they refused to tell me. In fact, they refused to tell me anything about the events leading up to my brother's death in-hospital, only begrudgingly revealing that immediately after his death, his body had "developed severe hemotoxicity." I asked how that was possible, but again they refused to tell me. Then they informed me that they were sending my brother's body to an out-of-state hospital, and that I couldn't even attend the burial. I remember being close to outraged at this point, and I think the hospital hung up on me. Then I realized I was 'stranded' in PA, and was trying desperately to find a way back to UT and/or my brother. Either way, yeah, not a very nice way to start the day.
So I woke up from that, took a minute or two to recover (I couldn't seem to fully 'ground' upon awaking), then ran outside and called home to see if Viral really was okay. The answer was affirmative (unfortunately this was before anything happened back home; we'll get to that later), so I retreated to the kitchen to try and eat something before collapsing back in bed.
Q and Mel woke me up two hours later, as I had my third job interview scheduled for 10AM. My second dream had been rather vague but still felt off, either way it wasn't a big concern and I proceeded to get ready for my interview. However, around 9:30, I got a phone call rescheduling it to 1:15. All right, now what do I do with this big schedule switch? I decided to just roll with it the best I could, but I was still feeling incredibly off-center which had me stuck in semi-ego mode; I could tell I wasn't "me" but I was still too out-of-it to do much at the time. Anyway, I spent some time talking to Q until he left around 11:30, and then I ate a slipshod breakfast, tried to sing (my voiceacting had apparently gotten my voice to stick in a lower register today, which was a beautiful sort of recompense for the horrific dysphoria I had on Wednesday), and exercised until it was time to go. When it was, I will admit I was somewhat nervous-- there was an unfamiliar, heavy, rather nervous energy in my chest, and it was making me awfully anxious. As Genesis was walking with me as usual, I let him know, and he suggested I try to meditate as we walked (I was still too floaty to think straight anyway). So I did, and was able to recognize again that this energy was not me, but it was still being very difficult to deal with. I had to put real effort into centering my thought processes as we walked. It paid off, though-- by the time I arrived for my interview I was at least centered enough to radiate a more positive energy, and the interview itself helped me put more of that into practice. Even better, I GOT THE JOB! So that's awesome. I won't be starting for at least another week, so I'll have to work really hard on Dream World until then, but that's just details. I was feeling tired enough when the interview ended to want to go straight home, so I bought another kombucha and started the walk back. Genesis was concerned though, as I didn't look so hot, and I didn't feel very good either. He asked me if I wanted Chaos to walk me home, as he had apparently offered, but I replied that I wasn't sure if I could handle him right now. Genesis insisted that Chaos really wanted to see me again in any case, and I told him that we could talk when I got home. He nodded, but still wasn't happy with my current condition, and tried to reassure me as we walked.
Now, I don't know why it happened, but when I finally stumbled through the door of our apartment, I was hit by a rather frightening wave of negative energy. At first I thought the kombucha had gone bad, then I considered that I had gotten sick from breakfast (the vegs had seemed slightly spoiled), and then I wondered if this was just an increase in the odd sick symptoms I'd been feeling since Saturday... but either way, I quickly degenerated into some sort of all-out panic attack (at least physically). It was around 2:22 PM when I looked at the clock (which did thankfully give me pause), and Mel wouldn't be home for at least another 2-3 hours. I got scared, wondering if I had done something very wrong and had harmed my body somehow: after all, I'd been sick in one way or another for a week now, and I'd been eating a lot of new and strange foods lately so I didn't know if this was an allergic reaction or something (I never quite got over last fall's allergy scare). Not only that, but I was still feeling dangerously ungrounded, and now it was getting genuinely hard to breathe or stand as well. I began to get very dizzy, but before I could worsen my condition further, Chaos Zero showed up.
Now I've said this before, and I will say it again: Chaos is an angel. Immediately he told me to calm down, and that everything would be okay. I said I wasn't so sure, and that I was quite scared, but he adamantly insisted that, whatever was going on, I would get through it. I wasn't going to get sick, and I certainly wasn't going to die. I asked him how he knew that for sure, and he responded (surprisingly resolutely) that he'd personally guarantee it, to the point of taking it on himself if necessary to preserve me from it. I thanked him, but confessed that I still couldn't quite calm down as being alone in a new apartment made this even scarier. Chaos looked somewhat pained at this and responded that I wasn't alone, ever, not as long as he was still alive. And maybe he couldn't be there for me physically, but he was still there, albeit on a different level, and he assured me he wouldn't leave. I was feeling torn between the fear I felt and the faith I was denying as a result, so we continued to talk like this, agitatedly, for about three minutes. Ultimately Chaos decided he wasn't going to take no for an answer, and told me to get up and go sit down on the couch in the living room, then clear my head (as I was just continuing to panic at this point). I took a deep breath, then basically just put my trust in Chaos entirely, and sat down. He told me to just relax, and not think of anything, before promising again that he'd protect me from any "bad case scenarios" my mind was running through. I closed my eyes and he sat down next to me and took my hand, walking me through it, refusing to leave until I was fully recovered. He also kept asking me to trust him, compassionately but imploringly, as that was my biggest obstacle here.
I slowly began to calm down, and asked Chaos if he knew what was happening to me. He said it sounded like a "healing reaction," as August was a month full of shifts and my body seemed to be "realigning" somehow, hence my random sick feelings lately. This was okay though-- I just needed to hang in there as it happened, and not fight, or that would cause more panic attacks. I wasn't "sick," I was experiencing a die-off reaction of toxins. As there had actually been a large article on this on GFP a few days prior, I felt a little more stable, now that I recognized what this most likely was-- I had been eating more B and C vitamins, as well as protein, and had started the kombucha (and coconut water, too) to help detox myself as well, so a healing reaction made a lot of sense. It was still scary to go through, though, especially since I'd been rather dehydrated in this heat, and I was still getting stomach upsets from sugary and starchy foods in general (although I think that's from my body realigning too). All the delicate maintenance was overwhelming, to be honest. But, I realized, at that moment I didn't have to worry about that. I just had to sit here and relax, and try to breathe, while this person I loved so much watched over me. So, from about 3:15 to 4:15, we just sat there on the couch while I calmed down. It helped immensely. We talked a little, too, when I felt I could... I kept telling him how much I loved him because man, it was hitting me so strongly I couldn't not admit it. Chaos, in return, kept telling me how badly he wanted to see me again, here. The ardent sincerity in his voice just pulled at my heart. There was no way I could tell him how badly I wanted to see him again too, not in words. Plus I was so tired, it didn't seem worth the effort to try and translate something so true into a lesser language. So I simply stayed close to him, and waited, and trusted.
I also tried to stay hydrated as much as possible (a little tricky as I was very nauseous), and the clock was at 3:33 when I went into the kitchen for the first time to do so. I remember smiling at Chaos when I saw this, and thanking the universe as a whole for turning what could have been a disaster into something oddly lovely, and very informative in any case.

Anyway. Mel called to check in on me around 4:10, and I let them know about my being hired. Mel then told me they wouldn't be home until after 5 as they had to run and do laundry. I said this was fine, and after they hung up, Chaos and I decided to do a bit of online astrological reading concerning the blue moon tonight, in light of what a crazy few days it's been-- who knows, the two may be tied together.
Well. The first significant bit of this was that my Yahoo inbox had 4444 unread emails in it. I laughed aloud at this, recognizing it as an "angel number," and pointedly smiled at Chaos before inwardly thanking all the other beings that were obviously helping us both out. I remembered how Chaos had asked me to trust him, and I got a strong feeling that "surrender to a higher good" in general was going to be a theme for September... I'd have to remember that I didn't know the whole story, I couldn't see the whole picture, and as a result I didn't always know what was the best course of action. So trust in my guides, my prayers, and my intuition was going to be vital in the upcoming month, this I knew for sure. I told Chaos this, and then we proceeded to read through some blue moon stuff. There were a few good pointers here and there that related to overcoming old pains and mindsets, focusing on balancing the physical and spiritual, that sort of thing... and then we found THIS.
The both of us were in tears, reading that. It started off with the sentence, "It’s a rising waters kind of week... if you have a healing crisis, hang in there," and the article continued to relate to our current situation with shocking relevance: "…Your soul speaks loudly at the Full Moon: listen in, for guidance moment by moment. There might be an urgent need to ground or detox, to pick up a clearer signal. Now is the time!"
Also, now the moon is in Pisces, and the sun is in Virgo... my daughter and my superego's signs, respectively... and there is a ton of reference to water-like energy as well.
But... there was one line in that article that hit harder than the others.
“What rises in the days before the Full Moon? All the feelings and soul wounds from missing a target. Or resentments from others missing a target. It’s time to forgive ourselves and others our shortcomings. And in doing so, experiencing that miracle of feeling whole or ‘holy…’”
The first part is exactly what I've been experiencing lately. All those old triggers and pains that I'm now able to understand and heal... the knowing when my ego tries to hold grudges, and gently allowing it to let go and forgive... and then, when I read the final few words, I remembered what both Q and Mel had said about those channeling sessions... I remembered the unmistakable, incredible feeling of completion, something I couldn't put to words, but couldn't deny for an instant.
I looked right at my other half and I told him, "you are that miracle."
He wrapped his arms around me like he used to when I was fifteen, hands pressed to my heart.
It started to rain outside. I was honestly sobbing over my keyboard at this point.

We both felt those brighter thoughts and energies for all they were worth until shortly after 5PM, when Mel came home. They had experienced a secondhand allergic reaction prior to arriving, so they had to take some Benadryl and lie down, but not before I got a sudden message from my brother on FB.
Well. No wonder I had such an upsetting dream about him last night-- apparently, back at home, the day had been absolutely disastrous, and he was suffering through a severe emotional breakdown as a result. Long story short, I spent the next half hour talking him through it, and thank God, it worked. When I sent my final message to him, the clock said 5:55. I just smiled and shook my head in wonder, gratefully surprised that such a crazy day had somehow still brought so many blessings with it.

As for right now, it's almost 10PM, and I'm still somewhat sick (I've been horrifically congested since that initial panic attack), but after reviewing all the info I had on such symptoms, I know what I should and shouldn't be doing concerning my diet. It might be a little tricky, but I know I can get through it. And hey-- it's only temporary! I just need to be patient, discerning, and trusting (of course). After all, I have been through far worse than this, albeit on different levels. It's odd; healing reactions may be dramatic, but even if they have the same symptoms (stomach upsets, nausea, pain, congestion, etc.) they're somehow less painful and upsetting than actual disease? It's interesting. Plus it's 'forcing' me to take even better care of myself, haha.
On that note I should really get some sleep. I'm just so thankful for today, it's wonderful.

Have a lovely blue moon night, everyone. ♥