dream journal 082320

[prismaticbleed]

saving little muslim girls from a jaguar, attacking them on our porch. Had to sneak them in through garage window. Pouring rain outside.

Pokemon plushies? Huge, really soft. Marshadow, hoopa, diancie. All in bags I think.

REALITY “GRAPHICS CARD” INSTALLATION.

Me flying over ocean, seeing mental visuals of the inside of a cave, like an OLD nintendo zelda videogame? Where the driver had to be installed I think. But as I was flying over the ocean it kicked in, like a “wave” radiating out over the whole world, changing as it touched, and it was AMAZING. Literal “lucid hit.” EVERYTHING became so clear and bright and colorful and REAL. I actually cried.

Then flying over driveway, SUNNY, and the WOODS WAS THERE like it is in the waking. NO houses or buildings!!!! and the ocean “tide” came in, BUT the entire surface of the water was iridescent, and about a half inch thick? And felt like a “skin,” soft and almost rubberlike. but it somehow made the water BREATHABLE once it went under. And everything seen through this pure aqua ocean water looked even more real and beautiful too. And so I was floating there, letting the water wash over me, and viewing the world from within it, and my heart just ached with joy and love and I missed chaos 0 of course. I wanted to be with him. But as I was thinking this, my mom and brothers showed up from the house? But they werent floating, just walking, and somehow WERENT in the water? They were actually complaining to me and telling me that this iridescent film on the water was a result of the “reality graphics” update; the wave had apparently killed all these microorganisms in the water that were polluting its clarity? And their dead bodies had melted together harmlessly into this film somehow. In my mind this registered as entirely a good thing-- I percieved that the organisms had not been beneficial to the ocean, and this film was not harmful at all, but very beneficent-- but my family was genuinely irked and told me to “put the graphics back the way they were.” I was genuinely shocked that they couldnt see the beauty of it, that they would sacrifice this absolute pure clarity and vividness just to go back to the way things were when they were “normal.”

most important part of this dream: once this new reality card thing kicked in, I guess it “upgraded” the vibe of the dream to the level where chaos 0 COULD COME INTO IT.

so. he was. Not sure how or when, but he was. And I remember I was so tired and weak but I loved him so much and kept telling him, oddly soporifically, that I wanted to be with him-- maritally so. But bless him, he kept gently telling me that we couldn’t do that unless I was ABSOLUTELY SAFE. Like I wanted to go up into the woods where everything was beautiful-- and oddly it turned to autumn when I went up there (because summer is NOT SAFE)-- yet he said no, not there, it was too close to old hack situations. He also added that under no circumstances did he want me to be naked, as that was entirely unsafe and would hurt me terribly. He said we had to be in my room, where it was quiet and private, and where I could specifically be “protected” by being in a bed, covered up where no one could get at me and hurt me. I was agreeing with him on all of this because I was so exhausted I couldnt think straight but I am so, so grateful for how meticulously he takes care of me in dreams too. Ultimately we never got to be together in this dream, which is both fine and common; I just kept “looking for” places to go and he kept telling me why it wouldn’t be safe, etc., until that last post-woods observation about our room. I woke up shortly after that, no hacks, no sickness.

But it just… strikes me as very strange, yet very notable, that lately I have been having that genuinely intense and honest need to be with him in that way in dreams. Why? And why am I always so tired and weak in those circumstances, yet absolutely quietly joyful and so glad to be with him? Like I’m never sad or touchy like I am in the waking when I’m so weak and tired. With him I’m just welling over with profound peaceful blissful gratitude and I just want to effectively melt into him as a result. All the time. Not sure what my subconscious is on about with that but it’s oddly sweet and quite intriguing.

Nevertheless! If it happens again I shall tell you about it.