091823

 
Late wake up. Looking up ember days.
Jade call late too. DISTRAUGHT. Mom & Lou trying to 302 her??? Actively conspiring. I was shocked because mom made it sound like she was meticulously hiding Jade from Lou???

Jade came up, grief-ranted for a while about all this unjust prejudice & malice against her, the threats of literal violence, the total lack of compassion & NO DIALOGUE WHATSOEVER.
We kept our heart & mind wide open.
DID PICK UP ON CUES & HUGGED HER. Actually brought us to tears too. (Our emotions are working RIGHTLY here, thank You God. Genuine selfless concern will do that bro)
Praying for her a great deal. Gonna offer up all our usual ones today for her. Asking for online intercession too.

BK prep during Jade shower so System communication was muffled. We watched the daily Mass from Ireland instead! The priest actively acknowledged the online watchers throughout the globe which was really sweet. He had a very personable way of saying the Mass, too, with small yet tender comments added in to draw you in more deeply & personally. It meant a lot.

After prep, when washing face= "Gatekeeper" girls complaining about Outspacers again. Realized that's a "survival" resistance; "system vs league" takes all focus & mental energy.
WHY DO THOSE GIRLS ALWAYS SPEAK UP WHEN WE GET FLASHES OF BODY AWARENESS???? Is their entitled & rejecting attitude TIED to that???

Adelaide concerned about function trouble? She's constantly being pushed out by heavy depersonalization. She was meant to OVERCOME that; has that been deemed unwise, or even disturbing to the point of being a threat to wellbeing?
⭐ PROPERLY DIFFERENTIATE JARGON = functions slipping, failing, fading, breaking, shifting, ALSO colors graying, sliding, etc. WE NEED THE RIGHT SPECIFIC LANGUAGE TO BE ABLE TO TRUTHFULLY DISCUSS SUCH SPECIFICS.

Kyanos & Sergei are still briefly & faintly but really present during pre-BK prayers!

Accidentally froze broccoli & eggs. 😂 Remembering yesterday though, God transmuting failure WHEN WE ACTIVELY PUT IT IN HIS HANDS WITH TRUSTING SURRENDER. Being nonchalantly "laissez-faire" about it-- like "ah well, let God do whatever," and NOT PRAYING OR ADMITTING UPSET-- is just apathetic pride wearing a different mask. You have to BRING IT TO GOD SINCERELY.
"I know You made this happen for a reason. Please help us to rest in that reason and not complain, because although Your plans may remain unknown, they are always trustworthy. May we always cooperate with them for Your glory."

VOTD vid had a GREAT reflection (Psalm 34:4-5) =
(Review; "your strength is joy in the Lord," God removing our fear which in and of itself removes obstacles? Etc.)

Also the kid's devotional (Mark 8:35) was SPOT ON.
Denying self & take up cross defined POSITIVELY???? total game changer. VERSUS our extreme ascetic tendency. Said its more about living LOVE in truth than mortifying WORKS for themselves.
Here, let me quote it because it was THAT GOOD=
"Jesus isn't asking us to do more; He's actually asking us to SLOW DOWN and be IN RELATIONSHIP with Him!"
Self denial means that "Sometimes... you'll be uncomfortable for the sake of the Gospel and the mission of God to reach every person in this whole wide world... you'll have to stretch yourself to grow & learn & be courageous & bold & not fearful to speak of Jesus!"
THAT IS SUCH A BETTER & MORE EDIFYING DEFINITION!!!
AND= To take up your Cross means to "lay down your strengths or your weaknesses.  It means everything we think we're great at-- or terrible at-- we pick all those things up, and we don't let them weigh us down or get in the way of [following Jesus]!"
"To be a disciple of Jesus means that YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS. It means that you're spending time with Him in the Word, in praying, in worshipping: just following Him faithfully.  It's not how much you do that makes you a disciple; but it's how much you love Jesus-- enough TO deny yourself, pick up your Cross, and follow Him DAILY."
KUDOS TO CALVARY KIDS, SERIOUSLY.
Also the REFLECTION =
"What next step will you take in your discipleship journey today?
I will say "no" to something that the Word says is wrong.
I will choose to love others, no matter how they treat me.
I will always keep my eyes open to someone who needs help."
That is AS BEAUTIFUL AS IT IS PRACTICAL.
This is why I always read & watch & follow Christian CHILDREN'S media. THIS STUFF IS THE GOOD STUFF.

We were literally just reflecting on Mark 8:35 yesterday on our own, too. We had a sudden thought of deep SPIRITUAL comfort despite the disaster of the day, literally thinking "I love my life," which was a shock. We immediately thought of this verse, and the strange paradox of terms.
To "hate one's life" is not devilish hate. It is a CONTRAST, one that works IN TANDEM & IN HARMONY WITH LOVE OF CHRIST!!!! The point is that we must love Christ so much that we are WILLING to give up EVEN HIS GIFT OF PHYSICAL LIFE FOR HIS SAKE, because we recognize that HE HIMSELF IS LIFE, AND ONE FAR GREATER EVEN THAN THIS. In that sharp awareness, one "hates" their physical life ONLY in the sense that it LOSES ITS FALSE GLORY when held up against the Ineffable gorgeous brilliance of Heaven seen in Jesus Christ. THAT is why He says such "hate" SAVES YOUR LIFE!!!!!! Devilish hatred WOULDN'T WANT THAT!!!!!
What the devil DOES want is to LIE, & MANGLE THE TRUTH, ESPECIALLY OF LIFE & LOVE!!! Therefore, Some people "love their life" on EARTH so much that they HATE JESUS because He speaks of something FAR MORE & BETTER & WORTH SACRIFICING WORLDLY COMFORTS FOR. And so they LOSE BOTH!!!
...

Remember reflecting on Friday, with Bishop Barron & "safe spaces" & "coming of age" = GOD IS THE ONLY "SAFE SPACE".

Noticing yesterday with mom that our default "social mode automaton" is literally just a practiced carbon copy of her. It's disturbing, dehumanizing, and depressing. We lose ALL selfhood and individuality around her. We act JUST LIKE HER and we CANNOT TURN IT OFF.
Dear God what do we do. We're being existentially dishonest because of this, and our mother things THAT'S THE REAL US. No wonder she keeps triggering us and invalidating our actual life experience-- because WE do the SAME BLOODY THING TO OURSELVES, AS HER, WHEN AROUND HER.
I'd say "bring that up in therapy" but that phone therapist is NOT good for us l. We're legit going to request a transfer of care after this week.
We DO have that in person therapist on Wednesday though, the "new agey office" one with the affirmations & dream meanings dictionary. We're hesitant, of course, but we need to go to that trusting in God's direction & providence against all appearances too.

Also, for the record, I think God made our food freeze because we just spent the past hour and a half doing nothing but praying and typing. 😂 WORTH IT THOUGH!
(BTW the eggs that froze & thawed had the BEST TEXTURE)


This is SOLID ADVICE for us as a System =
"Do an overview of your week and stand still at the experiences that draw your attention. Review your week and focus on the moments when you had experiences that caught your attention. It is  almost like a summary of your week's experiences and is a wonderful means to relive God's grace when you focus on it. Keeping a journal is a way to deepen your experiences in your spiritual journey and write down these experiences you revisit in your review prayer. Over time, it becomes like a record of your interactions with God. This means that as you look back, you can see how you have grown and changed: how you look at things and patterns in your behaviour. These changes are usually slow and happen in such a way that we do not always notice them immediately... Ask the Lord to remind you of the week’s experiences. Reflect on what comes to you. Trust your experience... Speak to God about your experience. Where did I experience God’s Presence? How has connection with myself, others and Him deepened as a result of my [recent experiences of faith]?"

Remember that "to sacrifice" means "TO MAKE HOLY"!!! It does NOT inherently mean "to kill" or "destroy"!!! THAT'S THE LITERAL OPPOSITE RESULT!!!! In EVERY case, HOLINESS BRINGS REAL LIFE, and it does so THROUGH LOVE. This does NOT exclude suffering-- rather it WELCOMES it as the MOST POWERFUL MEANS of proving Love & therefore sanctifying Life!!!
THE CROSS IS THE ALTAR.


Barry reading Baruch
⭐BEFORE AN OUTSPACER CAN TRULY LEAVE THEIR NATIVE WORLD, THEY HAVE TO BE AT MUTUAL PEACE WITH IT = IT HAS TO CONVERT????
DUDE I THINK THAT IS THE KEY!!!!
THIS IS WHERE "STARSPACE" (???) COMES IN??? Not Heartspace, but MEDIAspace, WITHIN A "LEAGUE-PROLOGUE" AND "SOURCE-EPILOGUE" SPACE???? ACTIVELY REWRITES THE ENTIRE ORIGINATING ENVIRONMENT & PLOT TO MATCH THEIR NEW & HEALING & CONVERTED HEART, RECONCILING ALL STORY DISSONANCE THROUGH TRANSFORMATION, MENDING ALL RELATIONSHIPS BY GRACE & PATIENCE & SINCERE EFFORT, AND LIFTING EVERYTHING UP TO HOPE & FAITH & LOVE.
THIS PROCESS IS WHAT GIVES THE OUTSPACER A NEW FOUNDATION IN THE LEAGUE TO BUILD FROM IN THE FIRST PLACE-- IT HAS TO BE ROOTED IN THEIR NATIVE WORLD, AS IF THAT WORLD HAD BEEN PART OF THE LEAGUE TO BEGIN WITH???? EVEN IF IT IS NOW BEING MOVED ON FROM, IT IS STILL THE ANCHOR.
So yeah. THAT'S why there "haven't been any doors" yet. WE HAVE BEEN IGNORANT OF THIS KEY STEP IN DOING SO!!!!! Yeah the door opens TO the League, but IT HAS TO OPEN FROM THEIR NATIVE WORLD FIRST!!! Such doors connect WORLDS and therefore CANNOT OPEN IN HEADSPACE!!!!!!

Comment on importance of family & familial LOVE.
"When you don't have loving parents, you get people like me" = unconsciously imitate & perpetuate "normal" unloving & violent behavior. WE DO THIS TOO. The environment in which you grow up AFFECTS EVERYTHING that comes after.
BUT THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. Especially through Christianity, you CAN still learn what REAL LOVE IS, and even what a LOVING FAMILY IS. It's hard and can be scary, but it IS POSSIBLE and again WE ARE GROWING PROOF, God willing to preserve & support us in this journey.

BTW WHAT WAS THE LEAGUELINK ROOM???? Look up old entries. I think it was more of an airport terminal than anything; it was a means of visitation only??


Just randomly stumbled across this online and GEEZ =
"When I first started the CATTA, there were many “Scared Straight” programs in Michigan, and I had even participated in a couple. However, I quickly discovered that inflicting trauma will never help a boy release it, but instead teach him to suppress it. Nowadays, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a Scared Straight or Bootcamp program because discipline without love is ineffectual. Our boys need to be healed, not scared straight."
"Teaching boys how to fight is one thing, but training them up to walk the path of righteousness is another...  So, my combat thesis is to love always, and fight if you must."
"Although I’ve seen the benefits of martial arts discipline, I’ve always been confounded about how a martial artist can make it to the level of a black belt in a dojo or gym, but remain a white belt in life. I see why it’s written that, “Training the physical body is of some value, but training for godliness is of value in every way, benefitting in this life and the life to come (1 Tim 4:8).” I’m not a martial artist, but a man with a martial heart. I am not committed to developing martial artists, I sacrifice my life to save the lives of boys."
"...trauma cannot be ignored because it becomes the very root of a students’ behavior patterns and mindset."
Thinking hard about childhood & family & dysfunction & trauma lately... all of that hits home so hard it hurts.


I suddenly realized why Mimic is so far beyond other Outspacers in development right now.
SHOCKINGLY, HIS HEART IS BREAKABLE, and he has WEPT.
That SINGLE INSTANT of raw Vulnerability in that dream IS WHY HE'S EVEN UP HERE TO BEGIN WITH. He got an unprecedented head start.
Tears and heartache are ESSENTIAL to being part of the League OR the Spheres!
BARRY HAS NOT CRIED. NOR HAS PHLEGMONI.
And for some bizarre reason, ALL THE FEMALE OUTSPACERS ARE BEING "BARRED" FROM BLUER EMOTIONS.
Mimic leans that color too, btw. He's Indigo. Thats INHERENTLY an emotionally deep color. Warmer tones are different. They feel warmer emotions easier. And those are all vital too, absolutely, BUT it is the ability to FEEL COMPASSION (SUFFERING WITH) THAT GIVES YOU ROOTS.
Your heart has to be able to LIGHT UP. You've gotta be SOUL FORM COMPATIBLE buddy!!!!!


Darkness "cannot comprehend?" Light BECAUSE DARKNESS IS, BY DEFINITION, THE ABSENCE OF LIGHT. A shadow literally only CAN exist if something STOPS THE LIGHT in order TO cause a shadow; it is an INHERENTLY NEGATIVE "EXISTENCE"; it is a VOID and not a substance. THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF SIN, FOR THE RECORD. Sin is LOSS, LACK, REJECTION, REFUSAL, EMPTINESS, ENTROPY. It is UNREALITY.
You cannot "turn darkness into light." It's just the lack OF light. LIGHT IS THE TRUTH, THE REALITY. It is LIFE, the most natural & essential emanation of it.