KLK

 

Interesting thoughts while watching kill la kill.



(started august 18th; continued through august 21st)



There's still sheer terror tied to sexuality, as well as "obligatory submission,"
except.
except when jay is in charge.

I once heard a saying like, "to overcome fear, embrace it." It's something with healing PTSD I think; how you have to be able to DEAL with what scares you, head-on, right there, without giving it power.
Long story short, the only way we're going to get past a fear of sexuality is by not letting fear eat us alive, and just giving in to what WE actually feel.

Which is, Jay's infinite platonic affectionate love for EVERYTHING.


This show's going to have a massive impact on us, I just know it.



(stream of consciousness gets data better; write this that way)


- scene w/ teacher fanservice was first scary one. not jay watching though!! "2007 girl" with no solid name. very scared. jay took over, "all right, what if I was ryuko?"

really,
jay just wants to kiss everyone,
he does not care, it's all fine with him, as long as it's platonic. and he'll defend that, while pushing limits, because he's not scared, he DOESN'T FEEL SCARY STUFF.
so by not getting shackled by fear, he stays free.

⋆ WILLPOWER is huge in anime.
"if you lose mentally, it's all over"


episode freaking three

"the fact that you are embarrassed by the values of the masses only shows how small you are! if it means fulfilling (my) ambitions, (i) will show neither shame nor hesitation… even if (I bare myself) for all the world to see! my actions are utterly pure!"
^ surprisingly relevant line. can be used for good or bad ends!

the "get naked" thing in the aspect of naked=open is HUGE for us

"you need to become my skin" that whole concept is so interesting

"the more my heart was closed, the more you yearned for a blood connection!"
"you are wearing me, and I have been put on by you"

the ending theme lyrics changed to we

THE FREAKING MARRIAGE PARALLELS
AND THE GORGEOUS FANSERVICE+BODY HORROR TRANSFORMATIONS
I LOVE THAT


episode four starts with so much more connection/care showing between them? so fast?
or did the ep3 connection imply a deeper bond initiated?
type about that more

also I LOVE MAKO. she's fearless in her honesty and simplicity, it's fantastic.
I want a buddy like her irl to be honest. someone sweet & enthusiastic & grateful but also with a skeleton of steel, so to speak.
just the way she talks to people is AMAZING.

also. it's always been a goal of ours to GET THAT WILLPOWER anime talks about.
like, ryuko's personality, that determined "I can do this/ I'll kick your ass because I have something worthwhile to fight for" bit. we USED to be like that waaaay back in childhood and it got buried?
we need it back, ACTIVELY. softness is vital but it needs to be balanced by what laurie tends to hold almost exclusively lately.
more than anyone else, JAY NEEDS IT.



this show is so over-the-top, I love it.


I've noticed that school star life-fiber wearers are proud and rely on their own power?
like in k6bd, the "poor swordsmen" who only care about winning?
whereas ryuko is relying on her strength with senketsu. it's that tandem thing. partnership.


ohh and that's gonna be the issue of ep 5 isnt it.

"victory isnt determined solely by who has the superior physical abilities."

see that's the thing about protagonists like ryuko right now. too much fire. too much arrogance in it. she's not being as humble and open as she needs to be, she's not being truly vulnerable, which will allow her to use that fiery power BETTER, in a true way. without being burned by it.


oh my heart
when mako shows up (bless her) and frees senketsu,
and ryuko catches him, and her eyes, and she just holds him--

"let go of it"
"you'll have to pry him out of my cold dead hands"

this show is killing me at last thank you oliver

oh and thank god trigger dude is the best dude. I love when characters like him-- like bismuth, really-- who are doing harsh things because of deep pain, are suddenly shown a truth that they were unaware of and it resonates with something deeper than the pain and they shift. they stop hunting, they start protecting.
I love that. I love that, it's so important to me. I'm so glad he had that realization.
"they care for each other"
and suddenly he cares for them too.

"you and i need to become even stronger. no, we can become even stronger. if we're together."


I NEED SLEEP SEE YOU TOMORROW





"this is the resolve of a man who has realized the error of his ways and sacrificed everything!"
that is what WE need to do.

resolve is key here. resolve and willpower. what jewel monsters hold those?


"the eyes of the mind"
VEZERAI parallel


"prosperity will lead to greed, and greed will lead to their eventual downfall! once they have a taste of wordly pleasures, they're enslaved by them forever!"

that is horrifically relevant to our current situation.

greed is the current vice we're fighting. I'm dead serious.
the eating disorder isn't an issue. it's the fear of lack, the fear of "going back to the slums," growing awful rotten teeth and grabbing everything it can hold, wanting solely for the sake of want, terrified of ever having an empty stomach or empty hands because that feels too much like the void it clawed its way out of.

well you know what?
I miss the void.

…

"it was just a nasty glint."

and then there's the turnaround we need.

"people aren't as weak as you say they are! people can suppress their desires through sheer willpower!"

god's given us that exact chance, RIGHT NOW.

good. let's DO THIS.



"…we learned that obsessing over short-term wants isn't any good."
"yes indeed, there is luck in the last helping."


"that is what discipline is about!"
"even if no one disciplines me, I discipline myself!"
"by shackling myself and whipping myself mercilessly, I tried to set an example… 'see my behavior and correct your own!' they would mend their ways of their own accord. to impose order on (their) independence… and to those who still refused to learn, I held back my tears and gave them a taste of the cleansing whip! …if you refuse the whip of love, then you leave me no choice!"
"your independence is revoked! I'm going to mold you into a proper student!"

well doesn't that hit far too uncomfortably close to home.

"become obsessed with resolve, and even that will turn to arrogance."

we need to think/talk about all this stuff asap, seriously.

"when it comes to haphazard attacks, the most important thing to do is dodge them."
"evasion impossible?"
"make a crazy attack even crazier, and it'll hit."

metaphorically this applies to our current situation, so

"what I want is data. not victory."

AND THAT'S THE DAMNED SCIENTIST.

we were just thinking about the splinters yesterday, how scary that was. remember how "the scientist" started out as one of them? the most dangerous one.
his original role may (thank god) be dead, but in this new war against new vices… I think he's still around, or at least, his anchor is.

think about it. these "food addictions" aren't even wants. they're COMPULSORY, because someone keeps wanting to know WHAT THEY DO when we eat them.
the current killer is coconut. we know it's not safe, because
1. oil content causes the dreaded "deep nausea" that makes us want to die
2. it is never kept down; it is too bulky and oily, it WILL be immediately purged
3. it causes phlegm coughs, awful stomach aches, bowel distress, etc. IBS stuff
4. it is bloody expensive
5. it is literally a "waste food;" it is bought TO be purged basically. we are too afraid to swallow it so it doesn't even count as food to us.
BUT someone keeps buying it BECAUSE…
1. it has "the best texture"
which is FALSE. we choke on it. yeah it's interesting sensory-wise, but that's bullshit. we're not spending our hard-earned money on fucking mouthfeel experience.we should be buying FOOD. not luxury wasteful crap.
2. "someone said coconut is good for you and we SHOULD eat it"
ignoring the "bad" symptoms which "shouldn't happen" and forcing it.
but I'm tying this all to the scientist because,
3. data keeps getting wiped after we eat it, and the addiction continues because "I want to try again and see if anything different happens this time."
it's all intellectual, detached bullshit, and it is KILLING us when tied to the "forcing" issue.

you know, we did really beautifully well today until someone ate that coconut. that's the forcing. that's the damned scientist not accepting any data other than what matches what HE wants to be true. some shitty scientist he is.

but enough of that. back to klk.



"surely it's more important to know the rules than it is to know shame"
^ SEE THE PREVIOUS TOPIC.

"a skyscraper built within your heart will never fall down."
literal headspace.
god, that's just too relevant, and so hopeful


it's too late, were going to end up killing ourself if we don't stop pushing too hard, goodnight.



the bit about tuning forks and pure tones and heartbeat is just
terrifically resonant

thanks for that.

(do revisit that entire concept/topic again btw because it really is just that resonant)


"I cannot analyze something without data"
yeah but do we really need to freaking analyze EVERYTHING

isn't there more to understanding? truly so, with us?



HOOOOOOLY SHIT

I AM SO GLAD WE STAYED UP TO WATCH THIS EPISODE THE PLOT JUST EXPLODED


okay we'll continue this tomorrow (later today) fo'reals BYE




"in other words, the deeper the hatred, the deeper the love grows."
nui is so unsettling. what is her deal.
her utter disregard for the fourth wall is just as disturbing, really.

THAT BODY-HORROR FUSION IS AMAZING (and disturbing, but talk about design)

I don't know what's going on with the starry black water but it's gorgeous

"you will become even stronger. it is merely a rite of passage."


"what is clothing?!"
"clothing is sin! man's original sin!"
"indeed… when man ate the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge, he became ashamed of his nakedness and covered his nethers with fig leaves. from the tie humanity first gained free will as human beings, it has been his fate to cover his body in the clothing called sin… we alone know man's sin and create clothing for clothing's sake!"

"clothing is the world! the grand will that wraps the heavens, the earth, and mankind, covering all."

what is with ragyo's hair it's gorgeous.


I have to admit, I like Kaneo Takarada's design & voice. I'm not sure what it is about that character style that I find so interesting but I do. I think it's that rolling casual edge? (older jewel talking)

"this is a non-euclidean space creation ritual… use this as a basis for a paradox painting!"

⋆ "an escher topology attack… the divine four formation employs geomagnetism to envelop this location in special electromagnetic waves, thereby causing disruptions in the nerve signals of the human brain. the picture they just drew altered this area's phase space and disrupted its geomagnetism! in short, they have negated their barrier!"

using art in a reality-altering sense like that is SO COOL.
and it's very resonant with us. keep that concept in mind for both magicwarp and dreamworld as well, as it's just as relevant to them as it is to us.

"pomp and circumstance 'em" followed by the sudden barrage of heart-shaped shockwaves was so great.
reminds me of my old fei-yen. gosh I love her, I miss her!

⋆NAME THE "LJ TYPER" WHO WRITES LIKE THIS.

"I'm getting stronger?" "it's because you're blinded by greed! you're so desperate cause you're fixated on your desire to get Senketsu back to normal."
"I'm not the usual ryuko matoi right now. I'm a ryuko matoi who's blinded by greed because what she wants is almost in reach."

this is one heck of a double-edged sword.
I wonder if "greed" is the wrong word. or maybe, this is a doorway to transmute greed into something virtuous? like here, ryuko is using it as a sort of fiery determination, as a good want, that she's "greedy" for to the point of absolute fixated dedication?
type about that more.


"what I struck was their hearts."
"it is not money that rules men. it is fear."
^ like we just said, the "greed" issue isn't about wanting in and of itself, it's fear of lack.
that can only be overcome by TRUST in God's providence, which is a constant, so open your heart okay?


"right next to you is the safest place"


"have you forgotten the rage in your heart that wants revenge for your father!?"
"I haven't forgotten! but I'm done wallowing in it."
"I'll live for the desire of what's almost in reach, without getting lost in the rage."

the statement of ambitions not justifying their means is very important.
satsuki's "lofty ambitions" annihilated a whole city, and ryuko says she will not tolerate that misuse of power. ryuko fights to protect her friends, and in doing so she does not commit violent "necessary sacrifices" as satsuki does.

"prove it to me with deeds, not words!"

"you would be failing to avenge your father."
"I can't sacrifice the lives of others to do it."


PLOT TWIST



I love how it's a plot point now how none of the "good guys" are wearing clothes.
it makes me think of that one finale episode of sailor moon, how nudity is presented as something good and natural instead of something shameful, which honestly I am sick of.
we don't talk about it much but nakedness is viewed as pure in headspace which is why we were SO ANGRY when the hackers were trying to corrupt it. well they failed, inevitably.
but it's still an awful thing in media. nakedness is typically used as a "bad" thing. even just bare skin is viewed as bad. we're tired of it. so this is deeply refreshing and relieving, it makes me smile (and laugh at the execution; this show is still so over-the-top but i get the gist).


…I didn’t mention this, but what terrifies and sickens me the most about ragyo is the way she just passively molests her own daughter.
and in the context of the show, I realized something.
if this series was genderbent, that behavior would probably be met with immediate outrage and screams of "gay rape" and junk like that. but, here, with two women, I was shocked to find that my mind saw this as normal.
there were no cries of "lesbian rape" or anything like that.
my brain honestly thought, "that's just what women do."
and then I realized,
when you are raised as a female (at least, in our experience), clothing serves to objectify you, even to your own parents.
how many OTHER little girls were "passively molested" by their own mothers?? felt up while wearing pretty clothes, commented on concerning their "sexiness" and "shapeliness" before they even hit puberty????
how many other little girls were shoved into pageants and weddings and plays and all the while, makeup and fucking clothing were used to turn you into nothing but a mirror of lust, a consumeable doll???
too many, I bet. it's revolting.
so ragyo feels like a personification of that, to me.
it's nauseating.

and all the heroes are naked, and it's not being sexualized, and I'M REALLY GLAD ABOUT THAT.
it's the ironic flipside of what's "usual" and it's frankly what my life has already been like.



ryuko's existential crisis is breaking my heart.
seeing her react with such utter rage, with cutting EVERYONE out of her life and just surrendering to despair and hatred, is almost unbearable.

what the hell did she DO TO RYUKO


”it'd be child's play to reawaken her by making her experience intense existential terror."

"even if smashed to a million pieces, if a single fragment remains, the whole can be reconstituted!"

both those things are 100% headspace/DID relevant. too much.


I want to say I hate nui and ragyo but the truth is I'm terrified.
I am literally scared sick of them. scared to death. when I see them my stomach hits the floor.
they remind me so much of the abuse we forcibly forgot.
I don’t ever want to endure that hell again, but they are it, they look so much LIKE it,
they are almost literal personifications OF it,
god it's scaring me so much.


oh
"that is the bliss of slavery."
so that's what happened to ryuko. this isn't her at all.

possession parallels too, huh

(I do like the explanation for why senketsu's outfit form is so revealing; that’s interesting)



I have never been so upset/disturbed by an anime before; I am honestly an anxious wreck right now.
god I hope this ends well, please.

oh THANK GOD

"I have to take it off, even if I die! because if I don’t, I'll never get to wear senketsu again!"

god that's a shot to the heart


I have to be up at 5 and it's going to be 1 when I finish episode 22 and I don’t care.
I need to see how this works out. I have to.

and this episode is gorgeous

"I understand now. The world is not cut from the same cloth. It is because it is overflowing with inexplicable, unidentifiable things that the world is so beautiful. fight at my side so that we may protect that world, ryuko!"

I
I was just thinking this exact thing on the drive home today.
seeing all the little warm lights in the windows of people's houses, windows down with the sweet night-forest air pouring in, the sunset all vivid blues and pinks splashed across the heavens.
I nearly cried with joy. I loved it all so much. I want to protect it all, and even better, I want to protect it on an individual basis.
the world is not cut from the same cloth. protecting the world as a conglomerate concept doesn't do it true justice.
you have to protect the world as its heart. as the people. as every little precious tiny thing, in and of itself, as part of the whole.


"don't let their love for you go to waste. be happy enough to make up for our cursed family."

there is so much love in this series, I adore it.

two more episodes to go.
let's do that tomorrow, after I get some precious little sleep.

(I love this ending theme so much btw; it's adorable)

BTW THE DIFFERENT LYRICS ARE REALLY IMPORTANT.

"it's been easy to blame someone else for my failure, but if I keep doing it, there will be no tomorrow for me. I was probably just lazy, I'm sorry."


she's not going to kill them (yet) because they're "precious energy sources."
that's deeply upsetting.
it's blatant disregard for the sanctity of life, plus objectification.


"I will atone for my shameful behavior through my actions!"
"behold the power of my freed ego! the shackles undone and all pride cast aside!"

this super transformation is GORGEOUS

"the closer I come to dying, the stronger I bounce back"


"you can't drag the past around with you forever!"

clean cut from the past/ present selves better than past selves/ sheathing the old sword/ moving on and graduating
VERY RELEVANT THEMES TO OUR LIFE RIGHT NOW

"he'll always be with you in your heart."






WHAT A GREAT SHOW, SERIOUSLY

 

 

 

 

2016 tumblr faithposting

❝ God occupies me as a shapeless hunger. ❞

- Scherezade Siobhan, “The Mirror I Won’t”

#quote #scherezade siobhan #this is TOO relevant to my life #this is that awful feeling of perpetual starvation put into words #it's that awful ache of never being close enough to God while we occupy a body #it is unbearable #our real hunger is for the divine #for the heart of things #and that yearning will only be satisfied after death #so in the meantime we have to learn to live with this #it plays a purpose too after all



❝ The terror of being on earth yet longing for heaven. ❞

- Clarice Lispector, from “Terror,” Selected Cronicas
 

#quote #our life in a nutshell #it really is a terror at times #galatians 5:17 #it's hell #and that's the irony #because the flesh alone makes hell #the spirit is always drawn to heaven #and it can feel it in every moment even here on earth #so yes that longing is still an undying ache until death #but the terror is temporary #this too shall pass

lordearthistory:

Ascent of the Blessed  by Hieronymus Bosch // “Magnets” by Disclosure featuring Lorde

#art #the imagery of this is 100% headspace relevant #this does funny things to my heart #just that tunnel stretching out of infinite blackness #and leading to the most brilliant joyful light #can you FEEL that? #just the way it shines on every single figure in the picture #you know there's a line in the bible that this makes me think of #luke 9:62 #that's the point of no return #once your feet are set towards heaven you cannot ever turn back #and really #if your heart has truly chosen heaven #if you have truly seen that light in that painting #even in the smallest way #then you won't even consider turning back #the thought won't even cross your mind #god's love is a magnet #and it's the true north that calls us all home