re: dark

 

I wasn't going to contribute to this thread (as I honestly don't know what to add), but then P's description of that 'black presence' brought back some very bad memories on my part.

I've known, vaguely, that there's been some sort of 'war' on as I have heard a great deal of talk about it from my SCs. I just had no idea what it entailed, at least not on a large scale, as they were more focused on fighting smaller battles.
My only problem with this is, actually, that strict good/evil split-- the idea that shadowy things can only be bad, and bright things can only be good. Don't get me wrong, I understand that concept and it is VERY valid in this world... but even so, I strongly believe that there is a 'Good' that is beyond our superficial judgments, and it omnipotently works through BOTH light and shadow.
So even though I empathize with your wanting to fight this 'darkness,' I also recognize that said darkness isn't completely irredeemable, so to speak. I may be repeating myself, but if my experiences have taught me anything it's that even a terribly black situation can be the impetus for a bright result, even if said result is a long time coming, or completely missed. The opposite can also be true. (That is where the 'perspective' issue comes into play, IMO.)

However I will reiterate that I believe this 'fighting' is still necessary. Yes, personal opinions may differ on what one considers 'dark' in a general sense, but there should still be a clear line drawn whenever serious damage is being done (as A mentioned). I unfortunately did not draw such a line in my past, as I was seeing things as TOO arbitrary, and was allowing myself to be hurt because "my tormentor may not see this as a 'bad' thing" or "if I just suffer through this I'll learn something." And then of course I had the near-lethal "I want to help them, so I'll endure this pain while I try to accomplish that." That's not how it works. But I digress.
I haven't dealt with any 'bad boys,' but I've had my share of 'bad girls' and they were very malevolent individuals indeed. I didn't think they were 'cool,' per se, but I did fail to see the danger they presented to my well-being, on all levels. I may not have invited them in, but I didn't chase them out either.
P wasn't talking about consensual 'scratches,' etc. S did offer good points on those sorts of situations but, as I understood it, the original description was that of a malevolent being hiding under an appealing mask. Yes, you can have 'bad boys/girls' who aren't malevolent (using the general definition of 'someone with an edge'), but as P also said, an 'SC in black' who is protecting you is just as valid as one in white who is out to harm you.
I've dealt with both.
I've seen that oily blackness and it scared the hell out of me, but having it come from something pretty that swore it was 'doing the right thing' was far more terrifying. My biggest mistake was believing them.
And although I was able to derive much positive growth from my trials, it cost me more blood than it was worth, I am still scarred for life whether I like it or not. Just because I now label it as 'gray' doesn't mean there wasn't any black in it.

To summarize: yes, there is a definite moral gray area in all of this, but there is still reason to be careful and discerning, because there is still corruption out there.

I hope that all makes sense. It's rather difficult for me to communicate.
Lastly, I'm not disagreeing with, nor am I invalidating anything that has been said; I'm simply adding my opinion.

 

 

113011

 

Hey kids. Today is feeling very... conflicted, I guess. Paradoxical.
Let me explain why.

...A few short hours after my last update, something absolutely insane happened up here.
More accurately, something so bad happened that it forced something surprisingly good to happen in order for us to cope with it at all.
I've been writing the entry on glissando for it since the 18th, and I haven't posted it yet because: 1. it's painful to think about, 2. I've purposely been staying off the Internet as it's become highly triggering lately, and 3. I've been swamped with work for my music finals.
I will try to finish it tomorrow evening. I can't make any promises, but I will try. This is just... I'm still having trouble adjusting, in a weird way.

On a different note... my SC group has a chat tonight and I'm very much looking forward to it (well, if we stay on topic; things have been rather rocky in the group lately). We're to be discussing ways to deal with spirits in terms of protocol-- which is good because I had some bad ones bothering me last month-- and types of relationships, with a focus on polyamory and marriage. Finally, a topic I have experience in, haha! So that should be quite interesting.
Also Xenophon is now able to ghost for at least a solid hour without getting tired, which is awesome. I asked her to come over on Thanksgiving last week, to help me put up the Christmas tree (mom decided to use white/clear ornaments instead of lilac but it still looks beautiful), and she was so adorably ecstatic it made up for all the trouble I'd been through that week. I love spending time with her.
She also showed up this afternoon, too, while I was making my school lunches for tomorrow (she usually does; it takes me quite a while to cook everything and she likes having that free time to just spend with me). We just talked for a while as usual, but then we started cracking jokes at each other and I swear, she got her sense of humor from both Chaos and I. It's absolutely brilliant.

Lastly, I found another song that fits Chaos and I so accurately that I honestly started crying when I heard it, again-- and even better, it's exactly in my key. So if I want to sing it to him, I can, haha.
I just can't get over the fact that our 8th anniversary is in less than a month... how much more symbolic can you get, seriously?

 

And now it's time for that SC chat session so I'll see you later.