082617

[prismaticbleed]

morning.

lying in bed talking trauma.
cats: stormy, peaches, cutie. family lack of empathy.
cried a lot. realizing, yet again, how TOXIC that place was.
i think vernon talked to us at one point?? lord we love him. he's no stranger to this hurt either, but thank god we're both out of it.
not sure who fronted for us. got pretty dissociated in that detox-talk process. but it was needed, and it didn't damage us. so that's good.

got up around 2pm?
oliver making omelettes. we got dressed and ran to food lion.
same cashier as yesterday. "where's your friend?" said he just got home from night shift, I was doing the daily grocery run while he made breakfast.
reply: "you're a good friend, you know that?"
just... hearing that out of the blue from some guy we literally just met was incredibly heartwarming and reassuring.

best omelette we've ever eaten oh man. ♥ peppers and mushrooms and tomatoes and cilantro and green onion. we added hot sauce, curry spices and some mozzarella. it was amazing. thank you oliver

somewhere around 5pm, oliver and I sitting on the kitchen floor, holding each other.
talking about what?
moved into the living room at some point, don't remember that either.

suddenly, kristanova.
what a fierce vibe, geez. i'm not complaining at all; it's just very striking.

BITING. no fear, all teeth. let him know I am totally a fan of that, honestly have you looked at the collective mouths of the pentagape group, we're all fangs up in here. so yeah don't hold back with me.

couldn’t figure out how swim shorts worked, thought that was hilarious

a little intimidated? felt out of it. not myself.
JACKAL FORM and it worked, yesss

EVERYONE showing up again.
infi first obviously.
(three weird dogs in the same room, aha)

chaos zero, too
dear god i am so glad he's fronting more because i adore him, plus him being such a fearlessly purely ardent participant in every expression of love out here is just... indescribable. i don't know what i'd do without him, in every context. thank god for the blue guy.
he deserves every last iota of love he can be a part of. lord knows i give him all of mine.

laurie kissing kris, "get the hell over here"
shocked me, haha. didn't think he would but secretly hoped she'd try; i really love those two protectors and seeing them both learning to stop being so hesitant to 'soften' while still keeping their sharpness is the best thing. feelings are pretty cool man

kris realizing he was with infi and ze just laughing in the best way

me afterwards, not scared of this body nor being in it. everything felt overwhelmingly pure and gold and joyful.

eating this evening was MUCH better. jason tried hella hard to eat without problems, but then the "jess" in the kitchen (not sure if that's her name? but I recognize her) wanted to eat sheer sweets and got sick. kneejerk reaction was to purge. but that was IT. no bingeing after that, thank god.
actual dinner was mushrooms, carrots, hot sauce, cilantro, and one slice of wheat toast because we wanted some and that's good for us too. so success.

now we're typing away, spruce candle burning, wearing all violet and remembering to drink water! going to chill and listen to spotify later.

mason is asleep on the couch. he's such a wonderful dude. I hope we continue to become friends. I know we're a bit of a mess sometimes and we really feel bad but he's nice. we have time. the best friendships take time.

plan is to get up around 5:30 and go for a run, like 45 minutes or so. where to? we don't know!