~THOUGHTS~ FILE 2004
Nov. 29th, 2004 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prismaticbleed~Thoughts~
This is what I call a thought page. A thought page is a simple piece of paper, or in this case, a computer file, where I can always go when I need to express my innermost thoughts and feelings. I started writing thought pages back in the seventh grade, when I was about 12. I am now 16 and have saved every page since then.
As a result, through these pages, I have the opportunity to look back on the past four years of my life, and all their troubles, joys, wonderings…and just plain old, random thoughts.
It’s an odd feeling. I’ve changed so much since then, and yet, I’ve stayed the same. The same dreams, the same loves, the same…well, thoughts.
I want to give you the opportunity to feel that, too.
So, here in this document, are the current- and not so current- thoughts of my life now... for both you and I to read—and for me to constantly update—whenever we wish.
So please, think about what I have said here…
…And enjoy the thoughts of my life.
~Jewel Lightraye~
~My thoughts started here on Saturday, July 10, 2004 10:58:04 AM~
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I’m beginning to scare myself. Every time that I really look at myself, I realize things that I never did before. I’m telling you, it’s scary. I’m becoming sort of like a stranger to myself.
I hope I don’t forget me altogether.
Also, I feel…insignificant. The world ignores me.
Sometimes I even talk to my stuffed animals. At least they care about me.
So does Bakura.
I talk to him too.
But…
I want to be known. To be remembered. So when I finally have to leave this world people will know and appreciate who I was.
Like Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, George Washington…everyone knows their names.
I want to be like them. Not necessarily famous worldwide, but known.
I want people to remember me.
That’s me, looking out at the big, wide world. :)
Wonder if someone sees me…
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Konnichiwa, y’all. It’s August 21, 2004, and I’ve been thinking a lot lately… about the J-Monsters. It’s weird…looking at life here in this world and then at them…not much of a difference, eh? But what’s really getting me thinking is this Justice legendary. You know, the über-kawaii one with the long ears and the sad eyes? Well. Besides the insanely powerful attacks he has and his ability to access his own pure heart energy, he’s got this new thing where he can actually manipulate the emotions of someone through their heartstrings. It’s scary, in a way. But don’t worry. Being a monster of justice and all, he doesn’t use it often. He’ll only do it if he absolutely has to or if someone desperately asks him. It’s like an emergency thing. But what’s frightening is what XX could do with that power… but I won’t worry about that. I don’t think XX can even touch him. …Another thing about the J-Monsters. Recently I’ve been realizing how incredibly close D and Jenny are. Really. And I think that’s one of the reasons XX wants to destroy them as soon as possible. There’s something about J-Monster relationships…the people (or monsters, for that matter) somehow get more powerful than they could normally, and all sorts of stuff… it’s weird. I’ll see if I can figure anything out about that. One more thing. My Chaos links are going up. That’s real good, since it’s hard for me to remember things with him and everything. I don’t know why, maybe I’m being blocked somehow… anyway, they’re really up there. My links with him, I mean. And I also realized how shockingly powerful his Angel form is. Perfect Chaos vs. Angel Chaos…the battle of the century, eh? Then again, against Chaos’ Angel form, the match would probably take…mm, two, three minutes, tops? Not even. Hold on, how’d I get into this rambling? Never mind. I really like Chaos. He’s got this great aura around him. And it’s strange, thinking that he was once this weapon of mass destruction…and how he’s changed… That’s really strange, too…not that it’s a bad thing, but… I can’t help but wonder what motivated him to completely switch sides and all? …Maybe it’s his extreme emotional sensitivity. You know, like how he fell in love with me and everything. But he’s so hard to figure out. I mean, I can understand Marik and Bakura perfectly, but Chaos… maybe it’s just because he’s not human. But then again… Chaos may be incredibly difficult to understand emotionally at times, but when he opens up his heart to you, that’s a whole different story. It’s one of those things you can’t explain in our limited language. Like the emotions you get in a Cherubell morph. You know how they say that if you think about the meaning of life and all these unexplainable things too much, you go mad? Well, here’s something enough to drive you (or at least me) completely crazy, then. You know that really powerful emotion you get when you’re really in love with someone? Focus on that, and let it completely take over. Then go into Cherubell morph, and then go into the same room with Bakura in his Cherublack morph, Marik in his Visochu morph, and Chaos in his Angel form when they’re all feeling the same thing, same high intensity. Then reaallyy focus on that. I swear, it’s absolutely insane. I know how it feels, too!! Can you spell i-n-c-i-d-e-n-t? Okay, I think I’ve bothered you enough for one day ;) lol!! And- holy Sheboygan, I think I’m missing Megas XLR. Not good! So- Sayonara!
Observe! My own Chaos Zero wallpaper! It’s so kawaii.
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Nov. 29 2004
Well, hello again. Just felt like writing today. I probably would have yesterday, too, but yesterday I was really too depressed to do anything. Not anymore, though, yes, so don’t worry. ~.^ However, I am in one of my philosophical moods today. Yes, I can hear AMG screaming in agony all the way from here. Sorry. ~ Anyway. Remember the Hokthai from around 2002? …You know, I really shouldn’t say that. They’ve been an active part of the Dream World and all since then, but I guess it is fair to say that as their main burst in link productivity was around 2002…but! Not anymore!! Yes, that’s right. The Hokthai are back. And, as can be expected, they’re better than ever. And since my links weren’t very strong back in 2002 the storyline was a bit vague in the novel, remember? But! It was correct. For example, Yvonna and Vulon and the Soul Harp were correct, as was Yvonna meeting the Hokthai by teleporting herself (by means of the Harp) to a demolition of the building in which they had been staying. Remember now? Yes, you remember now, eh. But—a few things that I never knew two years ago were the seven different kinds of robots, the green stealth Hokthai, and the pink messenger Hokthai. And although I hadn’t been sure of it at the time, my knowledge of an orange spider Hokthai was true. Indeed! But the [complete] storyline is actually very beautiful, and although Hokthai seems to be more along the lines of a shonen style anime/manga thing, it’s actually a pretty touching and- dare I say controversial?- story. Now, a brief note on what I just said. On the Hokthai storyline/anime/manga being rather moving, well, you’ll just have to read it yourself, ha ha! …okay, okay. I’ll drop you
a hint. You see, the story revolves around- well. See, now I almost spit out the plot-and possibly a hint at the ending, too-because of YOU and your cursed curiosity!! …well, I’m curious too, so I’m sort of being hypocritical there... However! No words for you on the Hokthai storyline! Because unless you’re Yvonna, Vulon, one of the eight main Hokthai, or me, you probably (HOPEFULLY) know nothing about it. I hate you sentence fragments. … Now listen to me, you cursed fools!!! You’re making me talk about the Hokthai like they’re some fictional type thing, which they’re NOT, mind you cursed psychiatrists, and not you fellow psychotics and schizophrenics out there because you probably understand me perfectly, a-ha! But enough of that. If you people out there are that anxious to find out about the Hokthai and read the story and the manga and watch the anime in a few years (I hope ) then bless your hearts, because it’s really a sincere honor for people to appreciate us. In saying us I mean not only the Hokthai, too, but also the J-Monsters and E*Girls and everyone else, because we’re all very grateful to you. All right, all right. Enough heartfelt appreciation. Save it for the Oscar speech. ~ Because as of now, it’s 8:58, and that means I’m going to need to get off, my friends. *sighs deeply* Ah, that felt good. I haven’t ranted for so long in quite a while. But you have to admit, it’s darn fun!! He he keh, and I know you enjoy it too, ha! Yes, my ranting is always good to read. Read an entry every day and I guarantee that you’ll be in better health, ha haa!! When I get older I’m going to conduct a study that will PROVE TO THE WORLD that ranting is good for you!! Yes! That’s another one of my schizophrenic dreams, yes. All right, now see here, friends? My attempt at closing up took…mm, seven lines?? Okay. Now it’s for real. Good night. ~
Now see here! This is a Bitmap Paint pic of the main Hokthai. Pretty cute, eh? No, really. I like how he came out. He looks really good here, anyhow…I drew a really pretty pic of him in my red dragon tablet yesterday, too. Someday I’ll scan that, too, and put it on here.
