"how we feel" february 10-18 2025
Feb. 18th, 2025 11:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
prismaticbleed2025 Mon Feb 10 4:20 AM
I'M FEELING = BLISSFUL & PRODUCTIVE
WHY = So much love for the System tonight.
Music helps.
Also GOT ALL THE MENTAL FLEXIBILITY WORKSHEETS TRANSCRIBED!!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;On The Laptop;Couch,Talking To Central;Listening To Music;Going To Bed;Archiving
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2025 Mon Feb 10 10:16 AM
I'M FEELING = EXHAUSTED & CONFLICTED
WHY = 45M MOM CALL.
Still torn about calories; is 1100 too much?
Trying to schedule the next two days.
Only 4 hours sleep. Need to rest more.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Couch,Just Woke Up;Talking To Mom;Meal Planning;Day Scheduling
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2025 Mon Feb 10 4:26 PM
I'M FEELING = AMBIVALENT & CONTEMPLATIVE
WHY = Mimic explaining the Eucharistic in Scripture to XANDER.
He asked WHY we aren't going to Mass daily then?? If we have LEGIT THEOPHAGY access.
I said it's because it's the most heavy, important, life changing thing you can ever do-- and so every last scrap of sin in me is declaring all-out war against that effort.
But he made me think. And I realized how badly I DO want to go.
Make the effort. Your life depends on it.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Headspace;Table,Eating;Reading Scripture;System Discussion
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2025 Mon Feb 10 5:54 PM
I'M FEELING = DISTRACTED & FRUSTRATED
WHY = Food drive plan obsession. Why?? Is this hoarding behavior?? Is it compulsive busyness?
It's driving me up the wall.
Pray about it, hard.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Kitchen,Eating;Day Scheduling
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2025 Tue Feb 11 1:17 AM
I'M FEELING = AFRAID & REMORSEFUL
WHY = Unexpected bingepurge.
Blood sugar crash that doesn't want to go back up. I'm scared.
God why is food such a warzone?
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;With The System,Kitchen,Disordered Behavior;Cleaning;Going To Bed
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2025 Tue Feb 11 1:29 PM
I'M FEELING = WORRIED & STRESSED
WHY = SO much to do tomorrow.
Almost inevitable bingepurge too because we won't get to eat until like 8pm.
Scared to death.
God help us.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Day Scheduling
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2025 Tue Feb 11 6:31 PM
I'M FEELING = FRAZZLED & RUSHED
WHY = Mom pushed our schedule THREE HOURS LATE.
Oh well. Gotta trust God in this.
At least now we know NOT TO DO THIS TOMORROW!!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home,Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Tue Feb 11 9:03 PM
I'M FEELING = DISCOMFORT & NERVOUS
WHY = Very full from broccoli hunger.
Determined not to purge but it's scary.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Cooking;Cleaning;Day Scheduling
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2025 Wed Feb 12 6:16 PM
I'M FEELING = DISCOMBOBULATED & FRIGHTENED
WHY = Got home at 445.
Still cooking at 6pm.
Haven't eaten yet.
Dear God I'm so scared I've gone numb.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Disordered Behavior;Cooking;Cleaning;Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Thu Feb 13 3:14 AM
I'M FEELING = BURNED OUT & HORRIFIED
WHY = Literal nightmare bingepurge.
BUT I FOUGHT IT SO HARD.
Still, we're terribly sick and in real pain.
I am so tired of this.
There has to be another way.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Cleaning;Going To Bed
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2025 Thu Feb 13 3:00 PM
I'M FEELING = APATHETIC & AVOIDANT
WHY = I just don't want to wake up.
I want to sleep all day until tomorrow.
I have no strength left.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Couch,Resting
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2025 Thu Feb 13 4:12 PM
I'M FEELING = OKAY & BURDENED
WHY = Little glimmers of hope from prayer & beauty in music.
Still crushed by the reality of BPD and food.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home;Exercise Bike,Listening To Music;Exercising;Praying
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2025 Thu Feb 13 5:19 PM
I'M FEELING = TRAPPED & EXASPERATED
WHY = The poor kids just spent over 20 minutes trying to feel clean. They're terrified.
It's as exhausting as it is heartbreaking.
What can we do?
CONTEXT TAGS = Social Subsystem,Cleanup Room,OCD Rituals;Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Thu Feb 13 7:33 PM
I'M FEELING = TIRED & RESIGNED
WHY = The daily grind is numbing me.
I'm so tired.
I hate this TBHU stuff.
I just want to sleep.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Cleaning;Day Scheduling
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2025 Fri Feb 14 2:33 AM
I'M FEELING = IN LOVE & BLESSED
WHY = Reading & reflecting on System love as Valentine's Day begins.
There is profound beauty in our history. Remember it always.
I am still so in love.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System;With Chaos 0,On The Laptop;Couch,Listening To Music;Reading The Archives;Adoration;Talking To Chaos 0
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2025 Fri Feb 14 1:47 PM
I'M FEELING = ALARMED & AGITATED
WHY = Food bank drop-off within the hour.
Cooking chicken and it literally smells like death.
Too many vegetables to eat.
I'm so angry. I want to just throw it all out.
That's a good sign though.
I really DON'T want this.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Disordered Behavior;Cooking;Cleaning;Getting Ready For The Day
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2025 Fri Feb 14 5:37 PM
I'M FEELING = DETERMINED & ANGRY
WHY = A binge is planned. But I am DETERMINED TO CUT IT SHORT.
I will win this, by God's grace, I must pray for strength and protection.
But He HAS CHANGED MY WILL!!
I LEGIT DO NOT WANT TO DO ANY OF THIS.
There is a tangible shift of integrity.
THERE IS HOPE FOR THIS TO END FOREVER.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Eating;Disordered Behavior
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2025 Fri Feb 14 8:55 PM
I'M FEELING = PANICKED & TRAPPED
WHY = The body is SO SICK after eating chocolate.
We threw up so much so fast, it was terrifying.
Dear God please help us. Don't let us die tonight.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen;Table,Disordered Behavior
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2025 Sat Feb 15 12:21 AM
I'M FEELING = LOST & WEARY
WHY = I want this to be over so badly
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Disordered Behavior
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2025 Sat Feb 15 2:45 PM
I'M FEELING = BURNED OUT & RESIGNED
WHY = Every part of my being is tired.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Getting Ready For Church
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2025 Sat Feb 15 5:26 PM
I'M FEELING = PEACEFUL & SAFE
WHY = In our beautiful red apartment, with snow outside.
So much quiet yet deep System love today.
Oddly happy. Very grateful for little things.
Shoutout to Genesis especially, who i could practically SEE today. I love you.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home,Talking To Central;Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Sat Feb 15 6:42 PM
I'M FEELING = MOVED & PENSIVE
WHY = Scripture etymology offering such profound depths of God's Love.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Home;Table,Eating;Reading Scripture;Studying Etymology
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2025 Sat Feb 15 7:59 PM
I'M FEELING = UNCOMFORTABLE & RUSHED
WHY = Social thriskes stressing us out by posting rather than paying attention, and making us literally panic.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself;With The System,Home;Table,Eating;Reading Scripture;Tumblr
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2025 Sun Feb 16 1:49 PM
I'M FEELING = ELATED & AFFECTIONATE
WHY = MONSIGNOR VITO!!!! ♡♡♡
It always brightens my entire Sunday when he gives the homily, he's SO ON FIRE FOR GOD
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System,Kitchen,Just Woke Up;Cleaning;Getting Ready For The Day;Day Scheduling;Watching The Mass
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2025 Sun Feb 16 3:00 PM
I'M FEELING = SCARED & FRAZZLED
WHY = Trying to pray but BRUTAL SPIRITUAL WARFARE
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Praying
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2025 Sun Feb 16 4:25 PM
I'M FEELING = DISAPPOINTED & UPSET
WHY = I just don't feel right.
Eating later than I wanted to.
Exercise somehow feels like a failure.
I swear this is spiritual warfare-- it ALWAYS HAPPENS AFTER REPETITIVE PRAYER.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Exercising;Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Sun Feb 16 8:45 PM
I'M FEELING = DISCOMFORT & RESTLESS
WHY = So afraid of lingering concupiscence. Fatima book mortification shook me.
Scared of Tues/Wed schedules.
Life feels hollow suddenly.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Home,Spiritual Reading;Cleaning;Day Scheduling
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2025 Mon Feb 17 3:35 AM
I'M FEELING = ACCOMPLISHED & GRATEFUL
WHY = Did some TBHU archiving.
Backed up some important Tumblr posts.
GOT BACK ON WIX.
Spotify cleanup.
Now going to bed with Chaos 0 and listening to the wind outside.
I really need to treasure these moments. Even if this week is looming like the sword of Damocles, it doesn't and cannot deny the beauty of this simple and good moment. Focus on it.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System;With Chaos 0,Couch,Going To Bed;Talking To Chaos 0
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2025 Mon Feb 17 1:25 PM
I'M FEELING = ADORING & CONTEMPLATIVE
WHY = Said the Joyful Rosary on the couch with the Outspacer ""bad boys"" who are on conversion/ redemption journeys.
Now THAT is heartfelt prayer!
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System;With The Outspacers,Couch;Heartspace,Just Woke Up;Praying
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2025 Mon Feb 17 3:48 PM
I'M FEELING = FRAZZLED & PROTECTIVE
WHY = Poor traumatized paidifoni struggling with cleanup as usual. Julie, Lynne, Laurie, and Siobhan helping them through it.
CONTEXT TAGS = With The System;Social Subsystem,Home;Cleanup Room,Talking To Central;OCD Rituals;Getting Ready To Eat
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2025 Mon Feb 17 5:12 PM
I'M FEELING = CONFLICTED & RESIGNED
WHY = Realizing that I HAVE to quit Tumblr.
Body still feels dirty.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Table;Cleanup Room,Tumblr;OCD Rituals
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2025 Mon Feb 17 7:48 PM
I'M FEELING = WORRIED & FATIGUED
WHY = No idea what tomorrow will bring.
I have to surrender to God.
I'm so tired.
CONTEXT TAGS = Family,Home,Talking To Mom;Day Scheduling
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2025 Tue Feb 18 6:51 AM
I'M FEELING = BURNED OUT & DREAD
WHY = Busy day.
No sleep.
Already scared.
CONTEXT TAGS = Family;In Public,Commuting,Driving;Day Scheduling
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2025 Tue Feb 18 7:15 PM
I'M FEELING = SCARED & DREAD
WHY = Eating so many vegetables.
Too much made.
Must junk most of it or death.
CONTEXT TAGS = By Myself,Kitchen,Disordered Behavior
