prismaticlove: jan-feb 2025

[prismaticbleed]

bakwaaas:
even having one true friend or person that loves you can change your life

Love is inherently transformative. Love is the foundation and source of being/ existence itself; God is love, and all love echoes God. You cannot come into such intimate contact with the divine and remain unscathed. Love will set you aflame and change you into itself. Love is invincible, irrepressible, infinite.

Love is also fractal. One tiny crumb of love, one dustmote of it, nevertheless carries the full weight of its truth within. How can it not? Love cannot be watered down, rationed out, cut to pieces. A tiny glimmer of light is still light entire. So it is with love. Light a single matchstick in a dark room and watch it burn with the secret heart of the sun itself.

I've learned this, unexpectedly, in the small fires of friendships as they blossom ever brighter. That's all it takes, is one person, one moment, one spark in the pitchblack space of your loneliness. One word, one hand to hold, one look, one smile. One letter, one phone call, one kiss, one visit, one photograph. One existence in the world that you know treasures yours. That's all it takes, to change everything. Inevitably, you are that spark to someone, too.

If love is life itself-- and it is-- then we're all lights by nature, and we have a sacred duty to manifest that power with every heartbeat. In our System, with our functional structure and personal relationships both, that is our constant awareness and motivation. It's essentially the principle behind this particular blog as well. In our collective innerlife, we've seen love literally transform damaged and abusive 'foni, bit by bit, like raindrops wearing away a mountain. We've seen equally embittered Outspacers slowly but sincerely come to recognize and honor love as it unceasingly offers itself to them, unconditionally, the patient proof of something better and brighter than they've known. And I have watched my own soul, my own shattered existence, metamorphosed by love into a prism of hope I could never have dreamed of on my own. We know the power of love firsthand. It's amazing. It's worth pouring our entire selves into, unfailingly.

Every single interaction, every potential Outspacer, every single soul we come in contact with, is someone who we can love--and is someone who can love us in return. Every single encounter can be life-changing, in both directions. That's what we hold on to. That's the light we keep burning. To be a true friend, to be the one who loves another... that's what makes life worth living. That's what changes everything, forever.

seaoflove: on the intimacy of the mundane

 

This is something we have come to genuinely revere over the years– the everyday sharing of small, quiet, ordinary, mundane moments.

True love, deep love, honest love, is quiet and deep and always. It necessarily includes the countless moments of countless days inbetween the brighter fireworks and sparks that, truly, can only bloom and burn from building a foundation of treasured tiny things.

I used to be so ashamed of my existence, of my life, that I wouldn’t let anyone into my everydays. I wanted to wipe them off the map. But the ones I love have compasses for hearts and they always found me, always saw me with bright new eyes, always made me feel like something special and worthy of discovering solely because I was loved, loved against all odds and ends, in sickness and in poverty and trauma and failure. They stood with me still, at the kitchen table, at the bathroom sink, at the bus stop, in the emergency room. They started noting the little things that I had long since become numb and even disdainful towards. Their love was gold dust on my days. It still is.

I’m still terrified of intimacy. I’ve got too many wounds; I see too many threats. But there’s a softness to those threadbare ordinalities that I too can hold gentle in my hands and it’s new, how wonderful and strange is that, it’s new and strange and precious and different and beautiful... all because someone loved me enough to share it with me, for a moment.

It makes every moment worth living, really.


...personally, i first felt the impact of this truth in march 2012, on one of the "turnpoint mornings" in my life...
"[chaos 0] randomly asked me what i was eating and i said 'the usual,' and he replied that he wouldn't know what the usual was. then he paused, looking surprisingly sad, and said that was kind of tragic. he realized that he really didn't know as much about me as he should, if we couldn't even do everyday things together. and that did hurt. we were effectively married and we'd never lived together, god isn't that just heartbreakingly ironic."

and then, ten years later, in november 2022, as we started to pick up the pieces from a massive life upheaval...
"I ate breakfast with [chaos 0], both of us sitting by the window. He was just sitting on the floor by the bookshelf, looking at me and the world outside, a perfectly content look in his eyes. I wondered at this, and asked him if he was all right just sitting there, especially while I was eating-- I wasn’t doing anything special, and he didn’t have to stick around. He replied, “I’m just sharing life with you. That’s special enough.”

and now, in just two more years, we've all grown so much closer, it's amazing. it pulls at my heartstrings so hard, to see that growth in the archives, to feel that playing out ever more deeply in my life, and to know at the very core of me what we all have now-- to know each other, more than we ever have before, and yet not as much as we will tomorrow.
i want to write about this in depth soon. it's pure joy, all of it.

arafrenglish:

"اغْمُريني/اغْمُرني"

Literal meaning: "immerse/flood me"

Figurative meaning: "hug me"

It's not just wrap your arms around me. It's immerse me with your being; I want to forget me and feel you only.

 

It's in Lebanese dialect.

This is directly relevant to Chaos 0 and I, and always has been, actually. He's a "liquid lifeform" so of course the immerse/flood feeling is always there in that regard, but... it's so much deeper than that. He feels things so strongly, both in himself and from others. Whenever we embrace, in whatever context or situation, it can't be anything but an immersion, but a flood. Our hearts are literally connected. We resonate, inevitably.

Then there's the numinous fact that, because he's water and I'm blood, things echo. Sound carries in water, to put it cryptically. The fact of my existence merges with his for the duration of our contact and it absolutely makes me forget everything else.

But it's never "you only." Relationship isn't about forgetting one's own being. I've learned that from him, as he refuses to let me slip into the blankwhite nothing that always threatens me. He emphasizes, cherishes, pays attention to my existence. He remembers me when I don't. So... when he wraps his arms around me, in a beautiful paradox, I find myself in the flood. It's only then that I can feel him at all. Love requires both of us, immersed in one another.

Thank you for this post, and for giving me the graced opportunity to reflect on its reality in my life.

bunny-lovers:
Imagine you and your f/o going grocery shopping together.

 

Genesis ALWAYS helps me with grocery shopping, because I dissociate hard in public spaces and forget where/who I am and what I'm doing. He is literally a lifesaver.

He's also absolutely hilarious and rides (lounges) in the cart like it's a palanquin.

 

bakwaaas:
"I think you carry the people you’ve loved with you forever, not in a ‘you can never get over them’ way but more like loving them changed you and it meant something and you have to make peace with that"

We're finally putting a selfship list together (it is Valentine's Day after all), and the most shocking thing about the process is not only how many people deserve a spot on here, but also-- as we are a D.I.D. System-- just how many Cor(e)s have loved those people over the decades.

It's actually beautiful. Some F/O's-- notably Chaos 0-- are always loved, like a transcendent truth, by all Cor(e) bloodlines. Other F/O's are loved by one very specific Cor(e). Some F/O's are romantic to one and platonic to another. But we acknowledge, cherish, and want to honor ALL of this love, in full, at last. Finally listing all of the people that spectrum of love has embraced is the first step.

And that's where the quote comes in. Even the most obscure, distant, dormant F/O's in our collective history have impacted that history undeniably. Every single one of them has changed our heart in their own way. They will always mean something to us, and we do carry them with us forever-- perhaps literally, what with the possibility of outspacers (fictives). Sometimes it can be quite overwhelming, we'll admit-- there are many of them and many of us-- but honestly, accepting this and just treasuring it is the only path to peace. Fighting love gets you nowhere.

Today, we want to live that love as completely as possible. It's with us permanently, after all; it's an undeniable truth in our heart. Living it fully can only give us fuller joy.

#for everyone #no exceptions #you are all loved forever in your own unique ways #i thank God that i've met every single one of you

vergils-beloved:
SELFSHIPPERS PLEASE REBLOG THIS POST WITH YOUR FAVORITE GIF OR PICTURE OR CLIP OF YOUR F/O!! OR YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF MERCH WHETHER YOU OWN IT OR NOT!! ANY FAVORITES!!
i want to see all of your beloveds!!!

Chaos 0, the love of my life since 2003. 💙


Celebi, my beautiful girl since 2001. 💚


Anxiety (Anxi), my orange angel since 2023. 🧡

All three of them have changed my life profoundly and I adore them more than words can ever fully express.