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[prismaticbleed]

 

HAPPY FEAST DAY!!!

Tried to get our morning routine done early but OCD made prayer utterly torturous today, it took AN HOUR to say the Rosary alone.

BK at 2pm.
Laurie is UNCANNILY ACCURATE at guessing our battery power when we finally plug it in. She & Leon regularly bet for fun (always $5, it's tradition) against each other, and she keeps guessing within like 5% wtf


Dude I didn't realize due to all the family stress & OCD obsessions, but according to Archival data, AS OF TODAY, MIMIC HAS BEEN IN OUR SYSTEM FOR A FULL YEAR.
CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING A BONELESS BODACIOUS BABE AND ALSO NOT A SQUID 🎉🐙
Seriously though man I love you, you've been an absolutely IRREPLACEABLE presence in my life since last December. You've changed my life, a lot. I'm so grateful you said you were sticking around.
(honestly the 15th is the day I first felt him click into our heart, so I will absolutely make an effort to sincerely celebrate that, quietly so. dude doesn't like fanfare and neither do i. it's more real when it's not being fussed over anyway.)

...20 years with the beloved next Saturday, by the way.
Celebrate it-- celebrate him-- with your entire heart.


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Adding this to yesterday's chastisement on trust!!

"O that today you would listen to his voice! ‘Harden not your hearts as at Meribah, as on that day at Massah in the desert when your fathers put me to the test; when they tried me, though they saw my work. For forty years I was wearied of these people and I said: “Their hearts are astray, these people do not know My ways.” Then I took an oath in my anger: “Never shall they enter My rest.”"
1) When you're in a desert of life, and wondering "can God provide?" THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE DOING. To ask that question at all is, effectively, to "harden your heart." Why? Because if it was soft, it would be surrendering. A soft heart in a desert is an oasis, watered by trusting love. Against all odds, it will never lack, because it looks to God and God does not abandon it, on principle, in truth. But if that heart hardens to match the waterless rock around it, then it forgets the green of the past, and doubts that it can return. It can. God can make flowers bloom amongst the dryest dust. You need to have faith in His ability to do so, and His desire to do so, out of pure Goodness.
2) YOU HAVE SEEN HIS WORK. Don't ever forget it. The proofs are countless and gorgeous and beyond doubt, however they make your head spin.
3) DO NOT TEST GOD. LISTEN TO HIS VOICE AND ACCEPT IT AS-IS.
4) Why do we doubt and test and grumble and worry? Because we don't KNOW the ways of God. And, as I've been emphasizing, His ways are TRUSTWORTHY, gracious and generous, good and right and just. When you know that, then your hearts can REST. When you forget it, or deny it at worst-- then your hearts "stray" from His Way of Love, and you get very lost very fast.
5) God is being fair here. You can't enter His rest if you won't trust Him! Those mindsets are incompatible!


John 3:27 feels unexpectedly relevant? Fusing translations=
"No one can do anything unless God in heaven allows it. No one can have anything unless God gives it. A man cannot receive anything of his own will, for there is no other source than the sovereign will of God... No one can obtain anything except what has been given from heaven."
This ties into "trust God to meet your daily needs," as opposed to striving to meet them yourself. You cannot provide anything of yourself, let alone for yourself. Everything you can seek or obtain is a GIFT FROM GOD. Don't forget, even you yourself fall under His jurisdiction! Don't be so proud to think you're a forgotten exception! God will provide for you, of His own free will and endless bounty, as He always does-- the very breath in your lungs right now you received from Him. And why will He provide? Two reasons: because you can't, and because He loves you.
...

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Talking about this article with Mimic=
https://davidwesterfield.net/2006/05/cs-lewis-a-thought-from-a-quote-in-mere-christianity/

Discussing the final three paragraphs. "How exactly does that work?" And really pondering it until it MADE SENSE-- which cannot be forced, btw, it will happen by itself if you are genuinely seeking to learn, admitting your ignorance, & imploring wisdom for God's sake really. We wanted to understand the Atonement better so we could live according to it better, and the Holy Spirit helped us in His merciful kindness.
It's not cerebral either. It always hits in the heart, without many words, but with understanding.

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Amazed by all this=

1 Chronicles 17:1-15
"“The Lord says this: You are not the man to build me a house to dwell in. I have never stayed in a house from the day I brought Israel out until today, but went from tent to tent, from one shelter to another. In all my journeying with the whole of Israel, did I say to any one of the judges of Israel, whom I had appointed as shepherds of my people: Why have you not built me a house of cedar?”
1) Even in serving God, man must never do so thinking He can GIVE God anything, or be a benefactor TO Him.
2) the HUMILITY of God in this!! Like His People, He dwelt in tents, journeying WITH them as intimately as He could at this point in time.
3) He NEVER "COMPLAINED." He was NEVER "PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE." Seriously, NOTE THAT because it's a HUGE DISTINCTION between the true God and wannabe pagan idols!!
...

"...I will make you great; the Lord will make you a House. And when your days are ended and you must go to your ancestors, I will preserve your offspring after you, a son of your own, and make his sovereignty secure. It is he who shall build a house for me and I will make his throne firm for ever. I will be a father to him and he a son to me. I will not withdraw my favour from him, as I withdrew it from your predecessor. I will preserve him for ever in my house and in my kingdom; and his throne shall be established for ever.”’"
1) We don't and can't "make God great." He IS greatness. But HE MAKES US GREAT, and that GLORIFIES HIM?? That's amazing. "I will make you a house"! He responds to David's well-meaning offer of generosity with unfathomable generosity of His Own.
2) The deeper meaning= "I will make you INTO a house." God will "build him a house" in the sense of giving him a kingly dynasty-- God gives David PEOPLE instead of a building. That feels like foreshadowing of Christ; we're talking of dwelling-places for God and God Himself subtly defines a "house" as a family. What good is any dwelling, after all, without people to live in it together in peace? I think that's what God was getting at. All states or kingdoms or nations-- "houses" in an abstract sense of "dwelling within"-- are just magnifications of that most basic unit of parents & children, after all. And what does that say about God, the Definition of Definitions? His promise to "house" David reveals more about Himself than I realized before, because its ultimate end is to glorify God THROUGH that same house... respecting & fulfilling David's pious intention in the proper way, by showing the correct way to think about God and His Presence among men. It's all about people.
3) The offspring is obviously Jesus, and this prophecy has been thoroughly explained with beauty by minds far wiser & holier than mine. My only comment here is a personal fascination with all the different instances of the word "house," and how my Christian faith colors it.
The first house is the one David wanted to build, of cedar. We humans, even in our devotion, can think so small. We can limit ourselves to earthly things even in our faith, taking comfort in the tangible.
The second house is God's use of the term to mean ANY permanent physical dwelling... something He did not seek. He does not belong to this world, of course! And so neither do His people. We must be content with tents, with shifting circumstances, as we travel with God through the desert.
The third house is that which God will never ask for: a house made by man. ...
The fourth house is David himself, made into one by God's grace, in God's gift of descendants-- only God can give and keep life!
The fifth house is the TRUE HOUSE for God to dwell in on earth, which will be built by David's descendant: God's Son, JESUS. Notice that JESUS ISN'T THE HOUSE, because Jesus IS GOD! Rather, what did that Divine Carpenter build? THE CHURCH.
The sixth house is the eternal house, in God's Kingdom, where God will "preserve His Son forever". This is heaven itself-- Jesus's home, God's home, OUR home.
And yes-- the seventh house, for the sake of numbers, is you.
You are part of Christ's Body, the Church. He dwells IN YOU. You yourself ARE His "house"!
...

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Daily devotional books. Trying to just take notes as it's literally overwhelming.

abbodfer= ABSOLUTELY HEADSPACE RELEVANT.
"[The teacher asked,] “Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t like the song?” [The children replied,] “We didn’t know how to say it.”
When people stay silent and don’t talk about how they feel, things can’t be changed. But if you’re respectful and join together to solve the problem, things can change."
1) IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY SOMETHING, YOU'RE BASICALLY HELPLESS TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
I immediately think of "color words" in languages-- how if you lack specifics, you actually won't be able to SEE them, in a very real sense.
...
THIS is why we're obsessive over jargon & etymology & such. We're not very smart, and we often lack the very vocabulary to express what we're truly feeling. That's why we repeat certain words ad nauseam-- they "work" well enough and we have no other options.
But oh man this powerfully emphasizes HOW VITAL LANGUAGE IS, especially in the healing process!!
...
2) The second part? Care Bears. I'M SERIOUS. Why do you think we were obsessed with them as a child, and still low-key are? Their entire bit was sharing your feelings. They were colorful compassionate critters that actively sought out kids in need of emotional assistance and they rushed to the rescue-- and their biggest job was always getting the kids to TALK ABOUT what was upsetting them. The Bears couldn't do anything if there was no communication. Hearts had to be open.
It's the same thing with our color-coded crew, although we're a bit less fluffy, haha. Still, this is such an essential reminder for us. WE NEED TO TALK.
...And we haven't been. That's what's truly killing us.
...
3) Of course we love the word "together," being multiple, but you know what's better? "Join." That takes it deeper. It's more than just proximity or even cooperation; it's unity. It's relationship.
...
4) RESPECT.
...


ttywpf = Pray for the church! It's CHRIST'S BODY and YOU'RE PART OF IT!!
"To pray for the Church will do us good, and it will benefit the Church; it will bring great peace in us; it may not remove our trials, but it will make us strong. Thus, let us beg for this grace to have the habit of entrusting the Church to the Lord... [to daily and intentionally] lift up your parish, religious sisters and brothers, your pastor, bishop, and pope in prayer."
1) What struck me is the hidden plural. He's not saying "us" in a general "all of you each personally" way. He's saying "us" AS A UNITED WHOLE.
...
2) The Church, too, must carry her collective Cross.
...
3) I love the surprising concept of asking for grace to form a HABIT!! That's so powerful actually; it's making your request for spiritual maturation and good works into something solid and intrinsic, not just a one-time request, not even something you "pray for often." This is asking for it to become habitual. That word is so heavy. It means that your prayer would become not just "automatic," but natural and free and spontaneous, even in time becoming a characteristic, something as uniquely "you" as your gait or accent. That's different than a habit, true, but the roots feel similar-- you still develop all those things through repetition. But with prayer, it isn't so mechanical. We know this firsthand. For prayer to truly become a habit, you NEED GRACE.
...
4) The particular personal focus is so important. The Church is a Body of a PERSON, and it consists OF PERSONS.
...

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VOTD = 1 John 4:15.
Our confession of Jesus as the Son of God "cannot simply be head knowledge, it must be heart knowledge." This is the ONLY way to make a sincere, actual confession-- which is also mandatory & required to have ANY sort of true relationship with God! Why? Because JESUS IS GOD. Where the Son Is, there Is the Father, and vice versa... and the Spirit is always with Them Both. So if you DON'T confess Jesus as the Son, you obviously can't even know God as He IS. But note: it must be a heart confession. Why? Because GOD IS TRINITY, and GOD IS LOVE. You can't "logically grasp" what Jesus's Sonship IS with your brain. You can give intellectual definitions but that's it. The bottom line is just this: God is Love, and Love is a mutually self-giving relationship between persons, a unity of hearts, a harmony of souls, etc. To even comprehend the tiniest flicker of this, you must be inspired by the Spirit Himself, and believe me, He's not going to nest in your greymatter. No beloved, no spouse, no parent, can honestly own such a title if they are working by head knowledge of what love is. Believe me, I've made that lethal error. All humans do and will, if they aren't working by grace. There's no other way TO know love, than from God Himself.

"Advent is a time of spiritual reflection and communion with God THROUGH acknowledging and confessing Jesus as the Son of God."
1) Advent is, ultimately, focused on Jesus AS THE SON OF GOD. Everything else flows from that Truth.
2) We must ACKNOWLEDGE this:
3) We must CONFESS this:
4) Our spiritual reflection is based on this knowing confession! That's a very important point that I never considered.
5) The very act of confessing Jesus as Son brings us into communion with God. That's amazing, and awesomely humbling.
..

The written reflection builds on this beautifully.
"From opening your eyes and getting out of bed to choosing to read this sentence, your life is composed of thousands of seemingly small decisions that shape the course of your day. Every decision we make matters, but the most important decision we will ever make is whether we choose to follow Jesus Christ. Choosing to believe and follow Jesus changes everything... it not only [transforms] our life on earth, but also determines our life for eternity."
1) I immediately thought of The Ninth Station by Clarence Enzler in that little Lenten book I love. "My will is Mine. And so is yours." How we take it for granted! How we misuse and neglect it!
This devotional surprised me. I never would have thought "opening my eyes" was a decision. But think of this very morning, how distressing the fibro pain & fatigue was, and how i literally DID have to "hard decide" TO open my eyes and sit up, because mere instinct would NOT.
...
2) "Seemingly small." Nothing is ever actually insignificant. Every tiny action & thought holds immeasurable weight. They all matter. Does that scare you? It sure terrifies the relativists & nihilists & cynics; that's why they insist otherwise so fiercely.
...
3) Choosing to follow Jesus is not a one-time decision. It is perpetual. It quite literally inundates and inebriates everything. As a Christian, your question must actually be: in this action, in this choice, am I following Christ Jesus? ARE you allowing Him to change everything? When you opened your eyes this morning, did you choose that with faith in Jesus? It sounds crazy, but its true-- did you make that decision with reluctant grumbling and selfish focus, or did Christ inspire you with hope and joy and gratitude to open them to a new day gifted by God? You see how everything is transformed. THAT'S the ideal Christian life, in unity with Him, choosing Him in every breath and heartbeat. That's the perfection we will never reach but by grace we can absolutely strive for it more and more.

Here's what I'm talking about!
"This Advent season, as we prepare our hearts to celebrate His birth, let's ponder the profound impact of acknowledging Jesus Christ in our lives. May our acknowledgment of Jesus not merely be a proclamation but a lifestyle— an embodiment of the love, grace, and hope He brings into our lives and the lives of those around us."
1) Actually, ponder the profound impact of this being a BIRTH we're celebrating. Jesus didn't just "arrive" or "show up." He was BORN. And THAT'S the key of Advent! Jesus comes to us as a SON. It's PERMANENTLY PERSONAL. A baby can't "leave" after it "arrives"! Once that precious child shows up on scene, it's staying there, actually FOREVER-- because Life doesn't end, and even in heaven that baby will be bound to you, by blood and heart both.
THAT'S HOW JESUS COMES INTO OUR LIVES. Are we preparing for THAT? Are you painting the nursery? Are you buying the clothes? You get the idea. This is PERMANENT, and it's PERSONAL, moreso than anything else in your entire life.
2) Is your heart prepared?
...
3) Are we CELEBRATING? No, not the holiday festivities and traditions-- are we celebrating a BIRTH? Are we celebrating JESUS that specifically and intimately?
...
4) Again with the baby analogy. Your lifestyle's gotta change. Your life is no longer about you at all-- as if it ever was to begin with!-- now it becomes an embodiment of love, REAL love. Now your entire existence is wrapped up in His... embracing and embraced by God.
5) Just having a baby empowers a person, I would think. The birth of Christ absolutely does. Just His Presence alone is a priceless treasure, a wealth of infinite riches-- just His Presence saturates us with grace, gives us undying hope, and floods our hearts with boundless Love.
6) You know how, when a parent brings their child into a room, everyone stops and is visibly transformed by tenderness for that little one? The Christ Child does that for everyone we bring Him to.
HOWEVER=
"Jesus, I believe You are the Son of God. Thank You for allowing me to serve You and have a close relationship with You. I am constantly in awe of Your goodness and love for Your people. Help me each day to live a life that honors You and draws others closer to You."
1) Jesus is GOD'S SON. NOT OURS.
2) EVEN SO, "Whoever does the will of My Father is my MOTHER AND SISTER AND BROTHER." Jesus Himself calls us into this close relationship!
3) As King, we are His servants. But as The Infant, coming into OUR HEARTS this Advent, we serve Him as His Mother would?? "To Jesus through Mary," I think of. She is the perfect disciple, the perfect Christian. Is it so strange that our lives would be invited to conform to hers, even this closely, as her life was perfectly conformed TO her Son's?
4) Christ's "goodness and love" is as pure as that of a child. Think about that. From His Birth to His Death He was ineffably innocent. Although He grew & learned, He was already completely perfect in all virtue from infancy, because of His Divine Nature-- those virtues simply became capable of manifesting through His Humanity. But He remained always as inherently & immaculately sweet & loving & joyful as a child. Did you ever realize that? It's astounding.
5) THAT is what we must honor each day, in our own lives.
6) (draw others to Him BY our way of life, in this context?)

Don't ever forget, THERE WOULD BE NO CHRISTMAS WITHOUT MARY!!!
And MARY IS OUR MOTHER TOO, the Mother of Christ AND His Church!


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KVOTD is both painful and beautiful and it means so much to me. Luke 5:31-32.
"The Pharisees were annoyed by pretty much everybody-- even Jesus! The Pharisees worked really hard to appear holy, by following God's Commandments, and they couldn't stand people who didn't. [In this verse, they asked Jesus,] "why do You eat and drink with such SCUM?" In other words, impure polluted slime?"
1) ANNOYANCE is a vice.
2) It's scary that you can follow God's commandments in a superficial fashion, and still have a cruel heart towards people.
3) ...at my lowest points, crushed by self-hatred for my sins, that is the exact word I use to describe myself.
...

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Catena today with a heavy conviction that demands reflection=
"If we were not passionately inclined to money or to vainglory, then we would not fear death or poverty. We would not know enmity or hatred, and we would not suffer from the sorrows of ourselves or others." (Saint John Chrysostom)
1) We DO get days where we genuinely still fear death and poverty, which is humiliating but we must admit it. It's all a blinded lack of trust, which is why we've been speaking so strongly on that topic lately.
2) According to this, then, apparently we do have an inclination to money and vainglory. That's genuinely terrifying. Man this is why I miss the daengels-- they would help us face and deal with this SO HONESTLY. 
3)