A prayer over maternal fear

[prismaticbleed]

 

God, please, help me love my mother better. 

She frightens me, somehow, but I can't turn it off. Just the thought of being in public with her makes me panic-- I get so scared & anxious that I want to cry & vomit. 

And when I'm next to her in church, hearing her sing, I feel actual violent rage! It's terrifying. I cannot seem to shut it off, let alone prevent it. 

But it ISN'T ME. That, too, is clear.

Nevertheless it persists in tormenting me. 

God, why is this?

I cannot heal from this on my own. I don't know how. I've tried and have not succeeded in any honest way. Lord, only You can heal this.

I don't know how to be in a familial relationship with her. Honestly I don't want to, because of the fear, and that alone is terrifying to admit.

God, I put this matter desperately into Your Hands. Please, work Your gracious Salvation in this area of our life. 

Amen.