halloween fears

[prismaticbleed]

WHY AM I SO DISTURBED BY HALLOWEEN???
It is EXPLICITLY tied to TBAS days?? We were NEVER "freaked out" by it before??
★ WE'LL NEED TO CHECK THE ARCHIVES FOR LOST YEARS IN ANY CASE.

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ACTUAL NC "MEMORIES" TIED TO THIS FEAR =

+ Altar on the porch; no idea what was ON it
+ burning incense sticks??
+ "trick or treating" & that moment under the streetlight when I felt SO TRAPPED & MISERABLE that "this was my life now & there's no escape" that, for an awful instant, I HATED them. They were dancing or something, looking at me as if expecting approval? it felt controlling, manipulative; like a total invalidation & REJECTION of my own pain & fear. They were dressed like a devil. it was existentially horrifying.
+ PIG HEARTS. in the sink. on the porch. popping in the oven.
+ dead things in their closet. obsessed with bones & corpses. (mortuary science)
+ those LASCIVIOUS books about werewolves, and how BADLY they SAID they "wanted to BE one." the horrible descriptions of cannibalism, sex, & murder they showed me, as if it were a self-revelation.
+ they called things "goblins" frequently, including themselves; if something was being "gross/ dirty/ rude/ unmannerly/ etc." they called murphy that a lot when he misbehaved. they saw it as a "pet name." it felt like a backhanded insult.
they started to call moralimon that. it made me furious.
+ they identified as a witch/ warlock; so did Jade.
+ halloween was THEIR "holy day," all focused on death and fear and disturbing morbid things. felt blasphemous.
+ they took us to a city graveyard. wanted to make out. felt SO WRONG.
+ "hocus pocus" is anticatholic; so are spells & magic. they cast spells & charms & did divination & tarot.
+ they were fascinated with vampires. bit us too. LITERALLY "drank" blood. with our own obsession with blood (for different reasons) we felt very dragged into playing along with their corruption of it, and were very taken advantage of. bitterly hated self for it.
+ their obsession with black & its negative, "creepy" aspects. this infected us fatally too.


OTHER THINGS TIED TO THIS FEAR =

+ Jade howling like a dog/wolf, as a "witch"
+ Jade threatening to murder the twins by stabbing a pumpkin full of knives
+ the internet at large "sexualizing" monsters. insulting & disgusting. NEGATIVELY "romanticized." this whole thing makes us so angry we could spit bullets.
+ zombies having anticatholic; blatant disregard of the sanctity of human body/ rejection of resurrection/ necromancy
+ same thing with frankenstein's monster; take "life power" away from God
+ CURSES, POSSESSION, HAUNTINGS, etc. = DEMONIC
+ HYPERFOCUS ON FEAR AND EVIL "FORCES"
+ Candy focus; personal sugar=sex terror; PEDOPHILIA trauma
+ "trick or treat" disturbance relating to obsessive behavior; "give me something pleasurable or I'll WRECK YOU"
+ SO MUCH EXPLICIT REFERENCE TO THE DEVIL (witches, vampires, jackolanterns, zombies, etc. also literal COSTUMES)
+ ghosts ALSO a subtle "rejection" of Christian afterlife/ soul AND reality of judgment??
+ skeletons treated as "separate from body"? not respected as PART of us, but seen as "remains"; labeled as "creepy"
+ NO RESPECT FOR DEATH
+ bizarre undertone of "DEHUMANIZATION"??? costumes, monsters, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, zombies, etc. = ALL involve LOSS OF HUMAN-NESS!!! even REJECTION.
+ costumes can be DISTURBINGLY SEXUAL and/or offensive, even blasphemous. and again, they target CHILDREN.
+ DISRESPECT/ DESECRATION OF CEMETERIES
+ WITCHES & paraphernalia; BLATANTLY antichristian.
+ HUGE emphasis on paganism AND rejection of Christianity IN GENERAL
+ all day today, people feel like "prey"