prismaticbleed | daily journals = june 2023 (Reply)

0609

Finally a FREE MORNING ;_________;

Exercise

BK prep gang AT LAST
Adelaide slipping, Julie rushed to support & promote her
Bodygirls kept trying to blindly front

Daily devotional question: "what competes with God"?
Actually it's RELATIONSHIP with the System????
"Work out" in prayer too

Looking for lemur kid
Hug in bathroom
Jack smiled

Bible study
Body of Christ= Etymology; "temple" as "space cut off for holy purpose" and body as "the material frame"
John 2:24 = they weren't seeking RELATIONSHIP. Hence "no commit" = like "befriending" an artist just for giftart, not because you want to be THEIR ACTUAL FRIEND

1 Peter 2:5 and trauma echoes: Mimic said "that sounds like something you guys need to work through"

Facet 2.3 work; REALLY GROWING!

DN 730, later but no stress. Thank God

"Shall never thirst again"= WE GET IT!!! Versus past "spiritual starvation" in archives, when we weren't actively Christian
"Someone might object: “I drank of what Jesus offers, and I feel thirsty and empty again.” The answer is simple: drink again! It isn’t a one-time sip of Jesus that satisfies forever, but continual connection with Him... It also creates something good, something life-giving in the heart of the one who drinks it."

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0616

Talking to Jesus over carrots
"I DID take care of the charger!"
"Don't ever let me betray you" = Peter vs Judas
FREE WILL

STRESS INTOLERANCE = WANTING TO CAUSE A CRISIS???
Artificially "making things worse" in HOPES of a meltdown?? Catharsis or processing seeking???

Taffy memory data get
Creamsicle = childhood summer in side yard, also boardwalk, FEAR undertones
Cotton candy = Knoebels VIVID visual of wooden carousel
Butter rum = MADRIGALS!!!
Vanilla = HEAVEN??? SERIOUSLY WTF. Absolutely GORGEOUS idealized backyard with wisteria & peonies & impossibly tall trees
Peppermint = WB concerts, lights shows, more madrigals, general childhood Christmas-concert joy feeling

Remember Knife yesterday "there's such deep sadness inside of me"

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0620

JADE MOVE OUT!

Mimic MURDERED FIVE ENTIRE WATER BOTTLES

SO MUCH LAUNDRY

5PM BK GEEZ

"The blind see, the deaf hear... the poor have the good news preacher to them." The poor lack EARTHLY POWER/ RICHES; but true power & spiritual wealth is perfected IN the Good News!! The poor are free to have ETERNAL riches, which the worldly wealthy often cannot, due to the love of money "choking the good seed"

John 5:37-43 HITS HARD

"The Stoics held that the highest kind of knowledge comes not by thought but by what they called "arresting impressions;" a conviction seizes a man like someone laying an arresting hand on his shoulder." = LAURIE.
"We're real, kid. And so is He. Heck, He's more Real than we are."

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0621

In light of today's verse Phil 1:9-10 Knowledge & love of God abounding: devotional asked "remember when you first fell in love" I DON'T. I'M AFRAID TO FEEL LOVE. AND LAST NIGHT SHOWED WHY. CNC WITH INFI WAS PROOF. MY "LOVE" IS FREAKISH & WRONG. IT'S TOO INTENSE & INTIMATE. I CANNOT LOVE GOD LIKE THAT. I CANNOT LET MYSELF BE LOVED LIKE THAT.
IDENTITY ISSUES MAKE THIS SO MUCH WORSE

1 John 1:9 = we struggle to see certain things AS SINS??? EVEN THOUGH WE KNOW THEYRE "NOT RIGHT" = such as gluttony & rage. WHY. Is it the passivity? The lack of conscious choice?

Praying to God the whole time we have binge triggers now. SO SO SO SCARED. there is NO acquiesce of the will UNLESS a lotophagoi takes over, or a kakofoni even, not sure where the line blurs exactly. lotophagoi are very hard to pinpoint.
but. the real point is that we DON'T WANT TO BINGE, EVER, ANYMORE. considering how that was our literal addiction for years, that is HUGE. THANK YOU GOD.
every time there's a lapse now, the whole time we are screaming and sobbing inside, begging God to help us because we can't stop on our own. it's TERRIFYING. but He DOES save us. somehow. every single time now-- with the awful exception of the Jademonth-- the whole struggle is over within an hour. it's amazing. i'm honestly staggered by this.

john 5:42 in today's study hits:
"(42) Ye have not the love of God.—The principle which excludes the seeking honour from men, is the love of God. They were, they said, jealous for God’s honour. The first precept of the Law, and the foundation of the Theocracy, was the love of God... They had [the Law] without, but they had not the principle within. There were sure marks which He had read in the heart as plain as the letters worn on the body, and therefore knew that they had not the love of God in them."
They were jealous FOR God's honor-- they too wanted to be honored AS such, via prideful religious exaltation; their "love of God" was a love of their APPLICATION of God? Moral prestige, societal superiority, political power, etc. They did not love God's PERSON, visible in CHRIST. They did not honor Him because that would mean relinquishing all the "proxy" honor THEY got as "experts of the Law"??? Again, focus on MAN'S RESPONSE TO THEIR RELIGION.