sep 10 2016

[prismaticbleed]

general daily updates:


supposed to have therapy this morning, she didn't show. we waited for almost 2 hours and learned how to use the new simple cell phone.

lost binge-eating alter spent too much money on coconut, hemp seeds, and avocado rolls prior to that. literally burnt through our last $70 for this month. now what? we'll have to figure something out. we still owe mom a credit card debt from this alter's shenanigans earlier this month.

church was beautiful. sang "hosea," gospel was the prodical son and the lost sheep.
went to confession, helped immensely. we feel like best friends with this new priest already, he's so wonderful.

"jay" and xenophon before mass started. he wanted to be "like a loving father" to her but had no memory of her childhood OR ties to her creation. xenophon wanted this too, wanted to be his "daughter" even if it wasn't biological at all, or parental for that strict matter.
"jay" had the idea of forming some sort of unbreakable bond between them to facilitate those titles towards each other-- literally took a piece of his heart and gave it to her. she then did the same. "dragonheart" vibe, very strongly, very real and powerful and full of that sort of aching love.
when xenophon put the heart piece in her, all her violet temporarily turned sparkly iridescent white, like glitter. the glitteryness lingered afterwards, it'll probably stick for good i hope. same for "jay," when he put in her heart piece, he turned almost foggy and cloudy, entire body-form vibe shifted temporarily. he says it still felt very true to his self-truth, maybe moreso than a solid body, but he can't parent anyone in a noncorporeal state let alone interact much tangibly, so. that's besides the point. it was very notable that they had such shifts.
so they are linked now, they can rightly call each other father and daughter, there is such a close bond now.


evening was tough. got home at 6pm, about? started preparing food and later eating. did perfectly well until about 8pm. then someone ate hemp seed or something and we were stuck in the kitchen until 10pm, compulsively eating and vomiting repeatedly. it's hell, we want this to STOP.

entry occurred about an hour ago which we will post. mostly venting about that. some xanga-style talk too, thank God, we were just thinking about how we missed those formally.

lots of spiritual "struggles" with this but it really just boils down to us needing to refuse giving power to lies and roadblocks.
we need to focus on the good, we need to focus on the light. we need to be US, again, in our truth.
we've been focusing too much on mistakes and anxiety and fear lately and that is making us ill on every front.

yesterday, spoke to monsignor. big-time exorcist, worked with mother teresa and padre pio. need to type about that separately.
bottom line, he said our biggest sin was "self-reliance." thinking we can control our life, when really we have no idea what to do. this is very true, and it is what we talked about in confession today.
i won't mangle the truth with superfluous words here. "jay" knows the truth of surrender. it feels free and not afraid. we just need TO surrender to it, to open our heart to God, so to speak. that phrase alone is the key to how.
there are old demons we still have not entirely transcended and that is what we are being called to do currently.
we have made great progress in the past year alone. do not lose hope. our very existence is made of hope.


"jay" needs a new name as not only has that name become corrupted, but the system and timeline themselves are demanding a core switch to match a timeline shift. this needs to be clear cut and solid, like past attempts. this will likely need to be orchestrated. as laurie would say, you cannot "half-ass" such a thing. it is major and important. so we must work on this, as a collective.


more updates coming eventually. sales post too, as we do need to raise a great deal of money quickly, with dire consequences if we do not.

i wish you all a good night, and good dreams as well.